"Missing out on being a hoe" - is this real?

Demasii · 2026-01-10T22:44:19+00:00

Like most other regrets, only if they don't like where they are at later in life. The grass is always greener on the other side when yours is dead.

I know a divorced 40 year old who married at 17 and her cheating husband left her after 15 years. She is pretty pissed that she was essentially locked up most of her youth. She was a SAHM with no car because husband instilled fear in her that she was going to die if she tried to learn how to drive.

Makuta_Servaela · 2026-01-10T22:29:42+00:00

I know plenty of guys and girls, straight, bi, gay, who are hoes well into their adult years. Hell, I used to work at a senior center, and we have several male and female hoes in their 60s, 70s, 80s. Missing out on being a hoe isn't real, you just gotta find your people.

What I do see some women mean when they say that is that they missed out on being an independent young adult in general. Like, if this woman is married, and started the marriage by age 18, then she has no real understanding of what it's like to live your own life or live alone.

No-Ad8127 · 2026-01-10T22:41:04+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s only missing out on being a “hoe.” It’s more about missed opportunities in your youth. I’m a virgin, and I regret not making the most of my youth. I turn 29 in June and spent the last decade in depression. I’m still trying to get out of it. But once my 20s are over, there’s no getting them back. Youthful indiscretions and playfulness will no longer know me.

Also, the women that are saying this probably regret their marriages. And I don’t blame them. Quality of marriages vary and unfortunately, marriage satisfaction decreases the longer the marriage is.

wild_squirrel_ · 2026-01-11T01:56:09+00:00

Not exactly a “ho phase” but I grew up super religious and this was a real thing with both men and women. People who grew up religious were really jealous of adult converts who got to experience drugs, sex, alcohol, partying, etc before “finding God.”

Clearly it was just repression and it felt like other people kinda got to “have their cake and eat it too” by experiencing hedonistic pleasures but also getting the benefits of religion.

Like other people said, it’s something that’s easy to idealize in your head and you really don’t know the negatives of it.

catsarehere77 · 2026-01-10T22:39:30+00:00

I did not have a hoe phase and do not feel like I missed out.

But I would say people (both men and women) in their 20s are better off dating around a bit than committing to the first person who is interested in them. That doesn't necessarily involve casual sex or risky decisions.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-01-10T22:46:46+00:00

The only time I’ve heard women say this is when they’re dissatisfied with their current sex life and think if they would have tried more guys out they could’ve found someone who satisfies them. 🤷‍♀️ The women who are happy with the sex they’re having don’t usually have those thoughts.

Blacktransjanny · 2026-01-11T01:13:22+00:00

Social media has killed quite a bit of the "college experience" from my observation. A woman could go to college, pick up a different name (go by Katy in college instead of Catherine), spend 4 years sleeping around, and then move to a large city, go by your original name and deny any of the hoe phase til the day you die and suffer next to no repercussions. College used to be a black box where "anything goes" but since that's no longer the case, college has gone from a fun 4 years of debauchery to a shitty 4 years of studying and being a rapid launch pad to the real world.

MoonriseOverEarth · 2026-01-11T03:56:54+00:00

Interesting. We just had a post from a guy insisting that men needed to get casual sex out of their system.

I imagine some women can be like that.

I was. I deeply regret marrying the first man I was intimate with. I'm so glad that I dated around a bit after I divorced him. Taught me what I wanted out of a man. It wasn't casual sex per se, just experience.

ladybird_00 · 2026-01-10T21:41:27+00:00

Some women say this but I honestly don’t know what they think they’re missing out on.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-01-11T06:29:08+00:00

Yes. Me. So real yes.

Not really being a hoe but when I was younger I was very religious and took dating very seriously. Now that's kind of worn off and I do think I missed out on a lot of the ' fun'.

Common no at least not in my social circle.

Anyway the things I feel like I missed out on or are curious about are on my bucket list, I'm not dead yet but I will die.

your 20s are for making mistakes", "live these years to the fullest", "it's better to make all the mistakes when you're young" - all essentially saying that it's better to make reckless and risky decisions early in life than to regret not doing it later Would you agree with this?

Yes but I attribute this pov to everything in youth. Jobs, gigs, adventures etc. I think it's better to make reckless and risky decisions early in life than to regret not doing it later or to do it later and not be able to recover as quickly.

But I don't think u should do things dangerous or stupid as in something that fucks up ur youth or your whole life.

Be reasonably impulsive and risky.

For example in older times ppl would say they would back pack through Europe for a year. ( Way too expensive to do so now I think ) but along those lines.

Eg : - try that side hustle/gig.

switch jobs willy nilly
throw a party randomly, costume party, themed party, holiday party
try travelling cheaply. Weekend trip with friends to a new town or go to festival sleep in the car
move out - fail and go back home.

- Vist a alpaca farm in South America

Visit Greece
visit Grandma with your friends on a random weekend

( When ur 40 Grandma might be dead and it'll be too late.

When ur 40 your not going to able to do a some of the stuff on this list just bc of lost opportunity and agedness,

When ur 65 even less stuff, are u really going to sleep in ur car as a achy 65 year old ?)

DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT WILL PERMANENTLY FUCK YOU UP FOR LIFE.

Ex : Kids, hard drugs,

Youth is great, u have time, energy, few responsibilities, opportunities, health , freedom and it's all urs.

Youth should be to just try things out so u can live life to the fullest. Yolo.

wyllowysp · 2026-01-11T00:06:32+00:00

I went through this as an autistic young adult and am over it now. I never got to go to parties or do fun things that I saw others get to do.

I no longer care too much at 27, but missing out on having fun and living your life because of being socially awkward is not fun. I did feel like a freak and like I was missing something important to the human experience.

Today I'm happily married and the thought of sleeping around makes me want to throw up. I was a lost person when I was young and I wanted to fit in and gain new fun experiences. That's all it was for me.

Prior-Impression-871 · 2026-01-10T22:44:57+00:00

When you keep getting told you expire at 25... You know what, yeah. Yeah. You're starting to think you might have as well fucked around

pie-mart · 2026-01-11T00:07:23+00:00

I think its good to have fun but I regret the casual sex i have had in moments. Like 60% of it i regret. But that is because I thought that is what I was supposed to do. Be young and care free and have some sex.

I think a better concept of ho phase is just try and stay single/not be looking for anyone to hookup with or date until you are ready and truly know yourself and get all that living you need to do out if your system

I advise to live life and be carefree but not in a sexual way. Liberate yourself from what society expects of you and just have fun. That is the key takeaway and advise id give young people as I have jjst turned 30

Time_Line4082 · 2026-01-10T21:27:44+00:00

sometimes i have these thoughts myself but then again i dont really feel like i missed out...i missed out on being someones situationship probably but didnt miss out on anything actually worthwhile

BetterToIlluminate · 2026-01-10T22:06:31+00:00

I never understood women who say this. I started dating my husband at 18, married at 22; even if I hadn’t met him at 18, I don’t think I would have chosen that lifestyle.

What did I miss out on? Heartbreak, feeling used, regret, feeling bad about my poor decisions, worrying about the consequences of my own actions, danger of many kinds, mental anguish? I think I’m ok.

I’m not saying woman who doesn’t meet her husband young is necessarily doing anything wrong. I’m also not saying that people are beyond redemption.

Sorryimjustsaying · 2026-01-11T01:20:24+00:00

I did like how little thought I felt was needed to do something in my late teens/early 20’s. I’m more cautious now because I have a lot more to lose.

I was a little reckless with my finances, studied abroad without much of a plan of where I was going to stay until I got there and made some really good friends along the way.

Went on a lot of adventures, and got to see a bit of the world. Now that I’m 28 I don’t think I’d make the decisions I did then, but I’m really happy that I did? So I definitely agree that being reckless/risky is easier when you aren’t established anywhere (read: young).

And it can give you experiences you wouldn’t have otherwise, literally once in a lifetime!

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2026-01-11T02:52:56+00:00

For some people yes. I was really really afraid of men in my teens and early 20s and because of my upbringing, unwilling to admit I was bisexual even to myself.

If I had the confidence I do now and was younger and single I would have likely been more involved in the kink scene and had a few submissives to play with. Because of the disparity in the field I would have been able to have pretty much anyone I wanted.

So for me personally, yes.

ThatBitchA · 2026-01-10T21:33:16+00:00

Yes, I'd agree that you're 20s are for making mistakes and risky decisions. And that goes far beyond sex.

Honestly, making mistakes and risky decisions are things for any age. It's part of life.

You learn from mistakes and risk can often pay off.

As for sex, yes, you're 20s are a great time to have short term relationships. Not every relationship needs to be for long term.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2026-01-10T22:10:39+00:00

My one regret was not scamming enough dudes out of their cash when I was younger.

Who cares about being a hoe, $$$$$ is where it's at.

pwnkage · 2026-01-10T22:03:52+00:00

Sometimes you just want no strings attached sex and that’s fine. Most girls I know were busy with a degree, work and all that. We didn’t talk about it in our circles because all of us were higher academic achievers and a lot of us had sexual shame, we wanted to be “proper”. Every time I spent 3 years dating an unpleasant man I thought I could change with my love and patience, it made me really angry that I spent that time on him and things didn’t improve. Should’ve slept around more and not been tied down to having to cook and clean for his ass. I did sleep around a little bit, but I think I would be in a better financial spot if I purely just slept with men and didn’t invest in relationships with men. Unfortunately I get attached quite easily and see “the good” in people too easily. My current partner had his own hoe phase and I can see it did well for him, he’s also the type to invest in relationships that are dragging him down. I think some of us just have a hard time letting go and sleeping around teaches us how to just let go of things and stop judging yourself if stuff goes wrong. And let’s be real the hoe phase is better than being in a shitty relationship, but once you’ve found the one you know you’d never go back to the hoe phase. Having a hoe phase gives you perspective. And I would worry about dating a man who never had a hoe phase because he would always want a hoe phase (my ex hated that I had a hoe phase and constantly tried to say I was cheating on him. I wasn’t cheating on him, he ended up cheating on me with half a dozen girls). Having a hoe phase and removing that temptation makes life so much easier because now you are making the conscious and informed decision to be in a relationship or not. Obviously women won’t SAY any of this to you because of all the misogynistic shame that comes with it. There’s SO much shame about “body count” for young women, acting as if women are ruined by the men they sleep with, I’m sorry but body count is a horrid term. The reality is that if men let go of the fact that women need to be pure, then they would get a LOT more women willing to sleep with them. Not taking any misogynistic comments at this time.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-01-11T09:21:46+00:00

No. I regret I haven't met the one earlier. But I always just wanted to find the one, not to slut around.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-01-10T22:29:21+00:00

adult women saying something along the lines of this. Usually being more study focused in their youth resulted in them not having a very active social/dating/sexual life in those years, and no longer having an opportunity to have a "hoe phase

i cant understand what culture of older women youre describing. im 56c,college and law school were party time in the 80-90s

Czerymoja · 2026-01-11T13:43:06+00:00

Missing finding a greater man, cause well you have 18-23 years only once. You don’t have that great choice of single men later in life.

And yes „slutty” women have better men generally. You can’t find a great guy without having sex with them nowadays (unfortunately).

Really smart women date A LOT.

I wish to be pretty, smart and to be from „good home”. Most importantly- pretty.

There’s no reward for being „good girl” nowadays. In fact if some woman didn’t date a lot, was a virgin later in life- she will become a „red flag”.

Tylikcat · 2026-01-11T02:56:21+00:00

Women I know are generally unlikely to use the term "hoe". But the one woman I know who has (and I suspect continues) to cheat on her husband did express something like this. She didn't date much or sleep around when she was in college. (This was in the context of us discussing my rather more colorful past.) (Yes, I do not approve of cheating and she knows that I don't approve. We've discussed it at some length.)

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-01-11T00:55:09+00:00

You can have a hoe phase at any point in your life, age is not a limiting factor. That being said, I think when some women say this what they mean is that they are wanting to settle down and look for a serious partner. The type of men you have your hoe phase with and the type of men you marry are generally different men. Not always but generally.

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pseudonymmed · 2026-01-12T05:10:17+00:00

I don’t know how common it is for studious people to regret it later or wish they’d had more sexual fun when younger. I’ve heard both men and women mention thoughts like that, but not amongst most people. But it’s not a gendered thing. I found out a guy I went on a date with was married, when I confronted him his excuse was he’d married young and never got to try a variety of women so he was doing it now. Gross.

The idea that one’s youth is the best time to take risks is fairly common, but it’s not specifically about sex, it’s about life in general. Because once you have responsibilities like kids, a mortgage, etc. the consequences of risks are higher. For example moving to a new country for a job, starting a business, making risky investments, etc If those decisions turn out to be a mistake you will have time to make up for it if you’re young and don’t have anyone else depending on you.

Most_Vermicelli9722 · 2026-01-12T07:25:45+00:00

I only slept with my husband, I waited till marriage.

I never enjoyed sex and sometimes, when I feel really down about it, I do wonder If I made a mistake because maybe there would be someone out there who would make it good. But in general I doubt it.

I have friends who don’t enjoy sex or who think that sex is nothing special, so if so many women in my life don’t hesitate to say it actually sucks, then I don’t think that I would orgasm if I slept around.

I can’t imagine enjoying sex, I don’t think that someone else would make a difference because a penis is a penis.

Title	"Missing out on being a hoe" - is this real?
Author	ponoskozla
Upvotes	33
Comments	288
Date	January 10, 2026 9:25 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1q9g6bh/missing_out_on_being_a_hoe_is_this_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/missing-out-on-being-a-hoe-is-this-real.1570896 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570896

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