Is it really that common for women to be turned off by seeing a man they are in a relationship with crying? Can this one thing destroy relationships?

Philip8000 · 2021-04-21T23:32:13+00:00

I've been told to man up more often from women than I have from men. Several months ago, I talked with a woman online who opened up about things in her past and what she still struggles with. When I started to do the same, she cut me out of her life, deciding that I was a negative influence.

In the book "Self-Made Man", where the author lives a year in the male world, she found that whenever she brought up her feelings, it was an immediate turn off for whoever she was seeing. It proved to be a striking realization for her learning that women enforce gender roles as well.

samplistical · 2021-04-22T00:05:43+00:00

Men: do not do this. It will impact your relationship.

Regardless of how you think the world 'should' be, you're going to run up against reality and biology. You crying in front of your SO will cause a reaction, subliminal as it may be. You are meant to provide security and crying is a signal against this.

You'll see women saying they want men to be more emotional and open and she might like it at first, but it will degrade the relationship over time. This may be called red pill or toxic masculinity or what have you, but I'm posting this to help both you and your SO.

Best to go with Ron Swanson on this one, "Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon".

Upset_Ad_136 · 2021-04-21T22:08:50+00:00

It really depends on the girl but its overall a good idea to just not do it. Best case scenario you shoot even and she stays with you and worse case scenario she loses respect for you and leaves you

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2021-04-21T22:52:21+00:00

I found this piece of brilliance a while back:

Yes, I know. This belief is all the rage right now. Poor women trying to get their men to open up about their emotions, but they just won't. Too stubborn. Too emotionally underdeveloped. Must be all the male-power fantasy media they consume. Here's an unfortunate reality: Women, in general, have very little patience for men's emotions that don't suit their needs. Our emotions aren't really concerned over, except insofar as they affect women. Literally nobody cares if we're sad, depressed, feeling hopeless, defeated, anxious, confused, uncertain, unsure of ourselves, and so forth unless it affects them, in which case it's usually a problem for them. Nobody wants to hear it. Typically it just upsets them because we are less valuable as emotional outlets for their own feelings, less firm rocks in a turbulent sea, or whatever other purposes our emotions may be recruited for. Men's emotions are not for us, as they are constantly being hijacked for someone else's needs. Sometimes these are broad social goals, but mostly these are the needs of a domestic partner. To ensure men remain useful emotional receptacles, we are punished our entire lives for demonstrating emotion beyond a narrow band of acceptability, typically situational: e.g., we're supposed to be courageous when that is what is required of us, angry when that is what is required of us, loving when that is what is required, and so forth. Anything else is routinely, often brutally shamed.

Sauce: https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/cb0v65/comment/etcv3xa

Mustbeaight · 2021-04-22T02:02:25+00:00

I don’t know but according to what I’ve heard from many guys it’s not a gamble worth taking.. And apparently guys also say that showing a little teenie bit of emotion or hurt could even be beneficial.. as long as it’s a small enough amount for her to romanticize about "oh he’s so masculine but he shows me his little soft side".. as long as the amount shown is small enough that she can get her emotional orgasm without feeling burdened by it..but apparently guys should never pour everything on the table or completely open up because it’ll probably overwhelm her and she’ll lose respect/attraction.. aka.. women can’t handle the pain of a man

Just relaying what I’ve heard don’t attack me

FreierSteinkopf · 2021-04-21T22:55:48+00:00

Sadly I think it's true for some women. One of my friends started crying in class because his girlfriend left him. I was sitting in the back and the girls in the middle. Some were confused but that one girl clearly had a disgusted expression on her. It makes so to some degree. Women want a confident leader - generally speaking. Whining is a sign of vulnerability and weakness or is considered like that.

Personally I am never go to cry in front of my gf if I can avoid it at all cost.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-04-22T02:34:06+00:00

At his dad's funeral: No problem

At any other time: Big problem

Barely-moral · 2021-04-21T22:54:09+00:00

It is not about the tears. It is about letting her know that you are a human and there are some things out there in the world that can overwhelm you and fuck you up.

If you cry but you frame it as a problem that is either solved or in the process of becoming solved then maybe that tears are acceptable.

Women can't tolerate weakness in a man. They want someone that has their shit together. Someone that can take care of themselves.

If in the process of crying you admit to being or give the image of you being a simple human that sometimes is actually not ok, it is absolutely out of his depth and actually needs help to do something (Let alone if you actually need help staying alive because you have mental issues) then you will end up alone.

Women want to know that you can deal with your own shit. If you can't then they don't want to help you. At least not in the long run.

Exceptions will exist. That was a generalization.

LeJacquelope · 2021-04-22T07:13:07+00:00

Trust me, some women go full beast mode.

2021-04-21T23:12:34+00:00

It's uncomfortable to see anyone really cry because it's so uncommon. I think men think women accept themselves crying and we don't! It is very embarassing for even women to cry! I cried on the phone to my therapist for our whole session today and the entire time, even though I pay her to tell me it's okay to cry, all i could think was "i am SO UNCOMFORTABLE" letting someone see me cry. And that's me, an emotional woman to my therapist.

So it is a really uncomfortable situation and we are all worried we will say the wrong thing or that this is the beginning of a breakdown where we have to become fully responsible for you.

We gotta let people cry and let people be bad at crying and bad at comforting and just learn how to be there for each other through trial and error. I will not settle for a relationship where I can't cry when I am overwhelmed and need to feel my feelings and I don't think you should either.

unkle_Rico1 · 2021-04-21T23:38:56+00:00

My girl likes when I’m vulnerable because it almost never happens. So it’s probably fine if she thinks it’s special or justified.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-04-21T23:51:35+00:00

Not crying by itself, especially considering what the tears may be for, but I do think an overly emotional man is more a turn off than they admit

Guapscotch · 2021-04-22T00:51:12+00:00

Men are only allowed to cry in certain situations. Death of somebody close, loss of a beloved pet, the end of a relationship, any other situation he might be met with resentment from his significant other. Although this will vary from partner to partner. A man always has to be strong and be the rock, that’s just what society has conditioned everyone to believe.

If I ever feel really sad, I honestly just cry alone and if anyone comes nearby I just look away and pretend like I’m not crying. That’s just how it is. Nobody will ever respect a grown man crying, least of all your significant other and that’s just how it is.

superlurkage · 2021-04-22T02:34:02+00:00

Depends on the woman and the reason. Like most things, generalizations will not help you in the specifics

LettingHimLead · 2021-04-22T01:48:03+00:00

I had a boyfriend in high school who cried a lot. Any time we disagreed. That was a turn off. Been married now for 19 years, so of course I’ve seen my husband cry. Loss of family. A pet that passed. Anxiety over fear of losing a child. A movie. I’ve never once been turned off. I’m not a crier myself, so he’s likely not seen me cry any more than I’ve seen him cry. I like strong men. Strong men cry sometimes. But not all the time.

renfsu · 2021-04-21T22:10:48+00:00

[deleted]

crock_pot · 2021-04-21T22:44:49+00:00

As much as men are socialized not to cry, women are socialized to be put off by a man crying. Logically women can know that they want a man who's in touch with his emotions, but pesky social conditioning creeps in so that the first time they see this, they might have a negative reaction. That doesn't mean men should give up and never cry again. Rather, they should realize that the woman's negative reaction is just social conditioning, too. Everyone should remember that a large part of the work in relationships is healing together from harmful social norms. We're all fighting this shit.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-04-22T01:07:54+00:00

I’ve seen most of the guys I’ve been with cry and it was not a turnoff or a problem at all. Humans cry sometimes. Now if he cried about absolutely ridiculous things frequently, that wouldn’t be good, but otherwise I just want to give him a hug.

bowserfire73 · 2021-04-21T22:13:01+00:00

I've seen it happen, and I know there's lots of stories on subs like relationship_advice about it happening. Its not every woman but it's a significant amount, most men are better off not showing any emotion if they want to keep the relationship going.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-04-21T22:13:45+00:00

Like goat said, it depends on why he’s crying and what the context in the relationship is. Crying, in general, is not an unattractive trait - I want to be there for my partner, and comforting him while he’s upset is part of that! And when a man opens up to you and shows his actual emotions - it’s so intimate and amazing.

But if it’s a pattern, if he gets upset at every little thing or cries over things that simply don’t need to be cried over, it’s gonna impact my view of his judgement, and therefore, how much of a competent/reliable partner I think he is.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-04-21T22:10:05+00:00

I don't think it necessarily destroys relationships. I would say that expression of emotion and of pain can impact a romantic relationship IF the man and the woman set up the expectation that the man is not able to express those emotions and pain (e.g. if the relationship follows hegemonic masculine ideals). If a man blatantly doesn't give a fuck and just expresses themselves as they see fit, but has relatively measured expressions of emotions (e.g. the highs aren't too high and the lows aren't too low), then they have more room for expression just by default because they won't select partners that make them bottle in their feelings.

Men are often known for compartmentalizing social relationships and not opening up with other men, and for especially traditionally masculine people, not to women either. Men who do attempt to open up to their male friends are often met with a variety of reactions, but those reactions are often unhelpful and reinforce the idea that women are the people to approach for emotional support instead of men.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6142169/

In my own personal experience, what matters is HOW you express your emotions and your pain, and how you plan on handling it once you do. There's little to no risk in expressing your pain, weakness or sadness as long as you understand what your journey to a solution will look like. I will say that on an individual level, it is infinitely healthier to open up to those in your life instead of bottling up how you feel. The impact on social relationships entirely depends on the ways you express yourself.

What women seem to really hate is when their partner dumps all their emotional issues on them and uses them as a crutch without taking steps to address their issues, and as a man, I would dislike that just as much if it came from a woman.

minawolf_ · 2021-04-22T01:03:48+00:00

It honestly never bothered me a man expressing his emotions even if it meant he cries, I'm glad my partner doesn't need to hold his tears with me. What I can't stand is broken promises and empty words whose actions don't support what they say.

Hoopy223 · 2021-04-22T02:03:48+00:00

Yeah did that when a friend of mine died and the woman quit talking to me lol. Never tell em whats bugging you. Never never never. Get a shrink or talk to a priest imho.

Sage_Planter · 2021-04-22T02:13:48+00:00

Being vulnerable isn't pathetic. Crying isn't a turn-off. Having emotions is human.

What I've had issues with (and female friends of mine have had issues with) is when men are determined to only show their emotions to their partners, refusing help from other sources, even when it's needed. I was at my wit's end when my ex was going through an extremely difficult time, and he put the burden of support entirely on me. He needed therapy. He needed AA. He needed the support of his friends and family. Instead, he took out all his problems on me, expected me to be 110% supportive/helpful, and let his problems drag out because I didn't have the tools to effectively help him. I had no problem when he needed to cry and be held, but when he didn't take any steps to get the help he truly needed to move forward, that's when I was turned off.

GGMcThroway · 2021-04-22T04:09:04+00:00

I'm not turned on, but I'm not going to cut a guy out for it c'mon now.

I will note, though, that there's a thin line between treating someone like a confidant and treating them like a therapist. I can see how guys could accidentally cross way over it if they they didn't have any experience with it growing up.

Ideally, we could all support one another and help bridge those gaps. But adult life isn't that forgiving, sadly.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-04-21T22:20:16+00:00

I wouldn't say its very common which is why men are told not to show emotions in front of women, but yes, it can be the cause of relationships festering. Men are expected to be the security guard in every relationship that makes women feel safe and secure, and if a guy breaks down, that's not very reassuring for their partners to see. If women feel instability or uncertainty in their relationships, they're going to find someone else that makes them feel more stable, secure and certain.

Barneysparky · 2021-04-21T22:32:50+00:00

When you read between the lines of guys who say their gals left them because they were emotional more often than not those emotions contained angry outbursts, not crying.

IcarusKiki · 2021-04-22T02:05:43+00:00

My bf has cried more times than me while we were together and it hasn’t changed my opinion on him

goatismycopilot · 2021-04-21T22:05:13+00:00

Depends on why they are crying and how soon in the relationship it happens. Atlas nailed it on masculinity tokens. Her explanation of how male vulnerability is relieved by his partner is about the most realistic take I have heard.

Barneysparky · 2021-04-21T22:38:28+00:00

The only break-up in the past few years with friends happened because the guy refused therapy.

He had been jumped/robbed outside of his gym by three guys a year and a half before and became a different person, prone to anger when he'd been a chill guy before. After a year and a half of begging him to see a therapist for his PTSD my friend finally broke up with him. She has said many times that it's not a closed-door and she hopes he finally works through his issues.

mistresswhat · 2021-04-21T22:07:34+00:00

Legit I suspect a lot of these guys who claim they "cried once and turned her off forever" had serious untreated mental health issues and got dumped by a partner who was sick of playing therapist. Or they were gonna get dumped regardless for unrelated reasons and latched onto that one time they cried because it paints their ex as a bad, unsympathetic person.

I had an ex who was in the former camp, he cried on me all the time and I did eventually get sick of his refusal to seek treatment but the crying definitely didn't turn me off. I was the HL in that relationship by a lot and it was a factor in our breakup.

I've also seen my current boyfriend cry and it didn't turn me off. If anything it showed me he was taking the issue at hand seriously. If he'd been totally stonefaced throughout that conversation I would have read him as uncaring and been a lot more put off.

1Here4Bach · 2021-04-21T22:38:18+00:00

No. But I am turned off by a man who doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions. Crying all the time or crying hysterically over something insignificant is weird for any adult—man or woman.

cunningcaring · 2021-04-21T22:05:32+00:00

Well let’s see. Then cries in sometime later his girlfriend breaks up with him. And then smiles in sometime later his girlfriend breaks up with him. A man friends and sometime later his girlfriend breaks up with him. A man stands on his head and sometimes later his girlfriend breaks up with him. It’s gonna be difficult to go through life without crying.

SaBahRub · 2021-04-21T22:10:43+00:00

Depends on the reason, of course, but there are shitty women just like there are shitty men

LittyKitsune · 2021-04-22T00:00:35+00:00

You remember thar user who basically came on here claiming his girl lost interest because he "showed emotion?" And then as you asked him questions it turned out that he had threatened to kill himself multiple times and regularly told her things like he wished the "world would blow up?"

Yeah based on that case and others I think there are people who use "I cried" as a euphemism for other issues that go beyond crying. If you asked my friend's ex why she left him he'd say it's because she's a heartless shrew who never cared about his feelings or him. Meanwhile I've seen the screenshots where he repeatedly threatened her and made her fear for both her life and his. He still thinks he deserves a second chance because he didn't actually act on those things and anything less than that is her "throwing him out like garbage" because he was weak.

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reluctantly_red · 2021-04-21T22:24:52+00:00

Depends on the context and what follows.

Emotion as a precursor to indignation and/or anger is always OK.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-04-21T23:45:25+00:00

Does it matter what is being cried about? Or do these women see all acts of vulnerability as pathetic?

Yes, and yes, but it is acceptable at some times, like deaths or major incidents

wtknight · 2021-04-22T00:30:40+00:00

It depends upon why he is crying. If he's crying for some reason that is showing weakness, she is going to be turned off. If he's crying because his dog died, then women are going to be attracted to that kind of display of humanity. It's really all about context. I've cried during sad or romantic movies before and have never had a woman dump me because of it because that type of crying isn't crying that demonstrates weakness in a man.

hesipullupjimbo445 · 2021-04-22T00:31:45+00:00

It’s somewhat common due to the fact that most women are merely tolerating their man and/or looking to monkey branch.

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-04-22T01:24:48+00:00

Emotions are a part of being human. My SO has cried in front of me multiple times, and the only reaction to it I had was an urge to comfort him. I don't respect him any less, I don't find him any less attractive. He's a person, he has feelings, sometimes those feelings become too much. It would be like resenting him for needing to eat or sleep. I'm thoroughly convinced every man who claims he's been dumped by a woman who saw him cry was either dating a shallow, callous person or is overlooking a far more likely reason for her leaving.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-04-22T02:08:39+00:00

I got friend-zoned fast after crying in front of a woman. She expressly told me she lost all sexual attraction for me, and I realized that it was my fault for letting it happen. I didn't accept the friendship of course. My 0.02.

jayval90 · 2021-04-22T03:50:25+00:00

I think it depends on which way the relationship is leaning. If you're leaning towards each other, those types of "mistakes" only draw you closer. If you're leaning away, then they become issues.

I completely lost all attraction for one girl when I saw her spit. It wasn't isolated, and I'm normally pretty easygoing about that type of thing. But it combined with other things and just... yeah.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-04-22T04:21:17+00:00

Men are allowed to cry when friends and family die, for county and maybe losing a sports championship but that's questionable. Every thing else is a lady boner killer and unacceptable.

2021-04-22T05:40:02+00:00

Women enforce toxic masculinity more than men do.

Hence why you should never feel bad to a woman who ends up on the bad side of toxic masculinity herself. You reap what you sow, ladies.

thelajestic · 2021-04-22T06:40:29+00:00

I've seen my partner cry and I'm pretty sure every previous partner I've had too. While for their sake I'd obviously like it if everything in their lives was so good they never felt the need to cry, that isn't realistic. And if someone is going through some shit then they shouldn't let a weird sense of what's masculine etc prevent them from crying.

If a woman (or man) doesn't want to be with someone because they've cried, then she (or he) isn't worth being with anyway so they've dodged a bullet. Crying is natural and cathartic.

EnvironmentalSea543 · 2021-04-22T06:58:39+00:00

Maybe if the woman is not serious about the man, sees him as a temporary thing, and gets scared off by the vulnerability.

Whenever my boyfriend has cried in front of me, I always somehow took it more seriously than if a woman was crying. That's because it's physically more difficult for men to cry, so when he does, it's jarring and feels important.

Whoever acts otherwise is an asshole...

Sewud · 2021-04-22T08:21:27+00:00

No, I actually only got in relationship with men I saw cry. Emotional manipulation plays a big role for me. If I'm not emotionally manipulated, I don't care. So I always care about the guys who display some sort of weakness. Crying, being really shy and trembling, getting bullied, victim complex. That's what attracts me.

merlinscalculator · 2021-04-22T08:57:37+00:00

I get aroused from seeing men cry and I think it’s because I’m a misandrist but if that’s what you want - come to mama!

Pilling_it · 2021-04-22T09:19:22+00:00

Thing is about that is why people open up. Women want to talk about problems, men want them solved. Because of that, things brought up by men are way heavier than women expected, and more than they can handle. Since they're also used to just talk to get it out, they don't know how to deal with that.

When they say they want men to open up, it's to talk about stuff making them vulnerable that doesn't require for the woman to do anything to be solved. To be clear, nothing that men would typically find worth talking about, they'd get it out of the system in another way.

Anything else, especially insecurities, is a turn off, whether she realizes it or not. And the above is why women will ask to open up, and in the same breath, enforce the reason that make sure you won't do it. And once we realize what I just said, we'll see there's no solving that.

bp4throwaway · 2021-04-22T09:40:31+00:00

There are very few reasons for men to cry after childhood. Outside of the death of loved ones I haven’t felt compelled to cry. What is this obsession with men crying?

Good-Strong · 2021-04-22T09:57:18+00:00

It definitely doesn't turn me off!

The idea that seeing a man's vulnerability automatically turns off/disgusts all women is yet another "red pill" lie.

It's actually really cute (especially if it's an attractive guy lol), you just want to cuddle him and comfort him and make it all better.

In fact quite a few of us women have even been taken advantage of by guys telling sob stories to produce this effect lmao.

But seriously, getting emotional once in a while is not a turn off, pretty much everyone has their moments.

What turns off most women is the general disposition of self hate and self pity that many incels and also some other more normal guys also show.

And let's face it, most men do not want such an overly pessimistic, self pitying, mentally unstable sounding woman either.

But of cource with incels/ red-pillers, it always boils down to the same old thing:

Men having expectations = normal

Women having expectations = bad

Delulu_kween · 2021-04-22T11:08:51+00:00

People aren’t often reliable sources.

wyrdsign · 2021-04-22T11:20:09+00:00

If you spend your life with someone there will be rough times along the way. The best strategy is to deal with them together, instead of having the guy in his own word, secretly hating life.

As a guy, it sounds totally unhealthy for men not to allow themselves to cry, and for women to encourage this.

This hasn't been my experience at all, although most of the women I've dated have been against traditional gender roles, which are pointless in our modern world anyway.

My partner has seen me cry many times (obviously not over trivial stuff) and she responds the way a human would, by comforting me and trying to help me get through whatever situation I'm going through, the same way I would do for her.

Honestly, some of the opinions on her about men not crying because women need them for stability sound like they were written by a teenager without any understanding of how a relationship functions. You're there to support each other so you can move on and deal with the next things that gets thrown your way.

In becoming a man/ becoming an adult you learn how do deal with a lot of tough situations easily, but sometimes a situation comes along that is just too much, and the quickest way to get over it is to cry and then move on.

BillyWrightGAC · 2021-04-22T11:28:38+00:00

When I've had enough of being with a woman I turn up the emotion and vulnerability, and they usually see themselves out of the relationship/situation with minimal effort on my part - it's like a cheat-code.

Teflon08191 · 2021-04-22T13:08:16+00:00

Women want men to express their emotions until they don't. If a man's emotions make her feel good about herself ("He must feel so comfortable around me!"), then she likes it. If his emotions make her feel troubled or inconvenienced ("He's showing vulnerability that could potentially affect me negatively!") that's when the sympathy flies right out the window and gets replaced with strong disgust.

Men would do well to recognize that women wear two forms of makeup. The makeup they put on their faces, and the makeup they put on their words.

Can't stress this enough.

TrueStorms · 2021-04-22T14:07:01+00:00

Never heard of a woman being turned off when a man cries over tragedy or pain. Women don’t like men crying from self pity and defeatism. It screams bad protector. No woman is turned off by tears for tragedy reasons. She just doesn’t want to tell you a problem she has and have you turn into a sobbing mess who can’t function, at that point you’re just telling her her problem is hopeless and she’s screwed. For some reason many of you can’t tell the difference.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-04-22T14:19:36+00:00

I saw my boyfriend cry once, a few tears, when we first kissed. I found it adorable and I look back on it as a very cute moment that made me feel happy. I’ve never seen him cry for any other reason though.

First, this isn't the kind of crying people are talking about. When men talk about women losing attraction after seeing their men crying, they are talking about men in complete emotional breakdown and crying because of depression or circumstance or illness or despair or fear.

They're also talking about men doing this for weeks or months, in a mental and emotional funk, and being unable or unwilling to do what it takes to pull themselves out.

Also, a man crying after a first kiss, or crying because of happiness or being emotionally overcome with joy or satisfaction, just strikes me as completely feminine. This isn't something men do. I can't believe it would not affect attraction.

But, if a man is crying because of despair, fear, depression or circumstances, and if she's really, really, REALLY attracted to him, and it happens, once, it's probably OK.

WeAreTheAggies · 2021-04-22T14:38:49+00:00

It helps when it's a moment that you should cry for, like the loss of a family member or close friend. Those are humanizing moments that women are socialized to accept that everyone cries for, and doing so is showing you're human. Tears of joy are also acceptable, though that's not really the same.

It hurts in just about every other situation though. If you're busy crying, you're not busy doing something useful like fixing the damn problem and getting over it.

Kemence97 · 2021-04-22T14:59:24+00:00

No, no , no and nopeee

There is a difference between open up, and whining.

SmoresGirl · 2021-04-22T17:31:01+00:00

I was turned off whenever my last boyfriend cried, but he cried purely to emotionally manipulate me. I don't mind when my current boyfriend cried but I've only seen him cry at sad movies and TV shows.

ogres_r_like_onions · 2021-04-22T17:31:23+00:00

Its not about crying, but whining. Crying is to some extent involuntary. Whining is a conscious decision. Women are permitted to whine (see: feminism, nagging, complaining about her day) men are not.

Unfortunately for our deluded gender-radical western society this rule is iron, and not going away no matter what kind of social engineering you conjure up. You can convince boys to castrate themselves and call it progress but you cant make a womans vag not shrivel the instant a man whines. He immediately becomes a girlfriend in her eyes at best. Men are there to solve problems not have them.

punkpoppenguin · 2021-04-22T19:06:54+00:00

Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has cried in front of me at least once. The only one who never did had rage issues and used to punch things til his knuckles bled.

Funnily enough the relationship with him was the one I ducked out of quickly.

PurpleLightningart · 2021-04-22T19:26:32+00:00

I’ve cried in front of my ex after we broke up (I know) and she still came back for sex several times after that, and even till this day, if I go back to town and tried, I could probably still get some

2021-04-22T23:03:32+00:00

This wouldn’t destroy the relationship at all! If a women is turned off by a man crying she is probably emotionally stunted herself and should do some self reflection because everyone cries

cloudsongs_ · 2021-04-23T04:00:08+00:00

No way. It's so endearing to me to see my boyfriend express his emotions. It doesn't matter to me if he's crying because he watched a sad movie, felt a surge of luck/happiness being with me, or because he's struggling with something. I express my emotions often and feel happy when he does the same with me. It makes me feel like we're actually partners, talking through struggles and bad days. Or just comforting one another. Him crying would never destroy the relationship for me.

alberto-hoff · 2021-04-23T15:11:25+00:00

I've been on both ends of the spectrum. A dude that was constantly stoic and didn't cry in the seven years we were together, and a guy that cried all the time.

I think if a guy is generally pretty masculine - he can afford to cry once in a while. My current bf cried during BoJack horseman and I thought 'well that's fair enough".

Gettinbetterin · 2021-04-23T20:46:48+00:00

I’d never date anyone that was bothered by that

IlagaEduardo · 2021-04-24T17:51:24+00:00

As I've mentioned before on PPD, I cried twice in front of one of my girlfriends and she eventually lost so much attraction to me that she was borderline ghosting me.

Those two times were over the death of my father, one of those times being the day he passed.

For all the people saying "well you can cry in front of women but only about certain serious things", even that isn't the case.

2021-04-25T10:44:07+00:00

unless somebody has died or has cancer then yes. up your testostorone and stop being such a soy boy.

samplistical · 2021-04-28T04:54:16+00:00

https://youtu.be/SaPb4rooqhs

mymanez · 2021-04-21T22:17:29+00:00

My SO and I got together because of crying

a-difficult-person · 2021-04-21T23:01:14+00:00

I like to see a man being vulnerable. To know he trusts me enough to do so deepens the relationship.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-04-22T00:32:29+00:00

I look more at whether he's emotionally healthy. I'm more likely to dump a guy who is stoic 24/7.

just_a_place · 2021-04-22T01:25:21+00:00

I have to say yes, I have seen tons of posts by women who express that they feel less atracted and even irked when their boyfriend/husband cries. Also, back in college a guy I knew got dumped after some argument with his girl and he broke down and cried, she dumped him the next day and then through mutual friends I heard she was not ready to drop him but that his blubbering completely revolted her as if he had transformed into some other person and she felt so turned off and revolved that she felt that she had to dump him - the relationship was over at that moment.

I get emotional but I have not cried since I was 5 or 6yo. Crying is just something that you choose to do, it's not something that just happens against your will. That's why I haven't cried since I figured out that I am the one doing it and not because it's some kind of reflex or and involuntary thing like gas or an eye twitching. So in that sense "crying" is completely a performance, it's all an act. Women cry because they are just taught to express all of their negative emotions that way and they feel that that is the only healthy way they can ever express a negative emotion like sadness, fear, or anger. Crying is also an expression of vulnerability which is why crying is the hallmark of women and children. That is how they express very loudly that they are in distress, it's a literal cry for help.

Men don't cry because we are taught to be more self reliant and broadcasting vulnerability and emotional frailty like a child simply weirds out most people. Women are most attracted to grown adult men so when a grown man cries like a baby this is a loud sign that although the guy is grown he is not fully mature and still broadcasts his helplessness the way a child does.

This does not mea men don't feel emotions or that we just suck it up and repress our feelings to appear macho or some other dumb shit. What it means is that grown men express their emotions the way a grown man should: Rationally, stoically, and critically. A grown man deals with his emotions by dealing with the tangible problems that cause bad feelings. Emotions for men are just motivators to act. Children don't know how to act, they do not have the life experience to deal with their emotions which is why they cry as a signal of their vulnerability, helplessness and weakness in order to incite compassion and aid from his elders.

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2021-04-22T05:06:52+00:00

A man can't even cry in front of his woman when one of his parents dies.

Word of advice, if you cry in front of your woman, do something incredibly violent. Break something, throw something, whatever you have to do. Its the only way to counter the fact that you have cried. Im not kidding.

HemluckMcGee · 2021-04-22T19:26:39+00:00

I’ve seen my bf cry once or twice and it was never a problem for us. It showed he was comfortable being vulnerable with me and that he trusted me. Besides I cry way more often than he does, it wouldn’t be fair for me to be upset when he cries if he’s not when I cry

Title	Is it really that common for women to be turned off by seeing a man they are in a relationship with crying? Can this one thing destroy relationships?
Author	cisheterpatriarchy
Upvotes	44
Comments	228
Date	April 21, 2021 9:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mvqirm/is_it_really_that_common_for_women_to_be_turned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-really-that-common-for-women-to-be-turned.777491 https://theredarchive.com/post/777491

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