Why is it becoming increasingly acceptable for men to be unemployed, not in school, and video game/porn addicted?

DepressedToast3 · 2021-07-19T23:15:08+00:00

This was a few of my ex's. It's alllll about enabling.

My most recent ex had both parents and they forced him to go to college and they force him to work. But when he quits, he won't work for 6onths and he games all day. Even with his job now, he works partially from home and plays games.

He grew up in a household with two brothers and a strict father. The mother I think doesn't have as much of a say. She cooks, cleans, does my ex's laundry...

I got the bare minimum in the relation but he goes out of his way for old friends and strangers.

He has his dopamine fix from these relations and me bringing any issue up was not comfortable. It's challenging his lifestyle. I played games too. But I had my own place, paid all my own bills, cooked, cleaned, etc..

He had lots of money saved and he'd flaunt it at me. Like 60k. For his age, that was great. But I told him how it's bc he doesn't pay rent, his phone bill, buy groceries or toiletries, etc.. He has the ability to save that. And he'd take offense.

I was put down by this dude when I just tried to help him by showing him articles and studies. He just was avoidant and had no interest.

These men just want to be comfortable at all times. They are addicted to comfort and pleasure.

It's their own downfall. Because look, women are getting tired of shit and soon enough we will all choose being single over being second mom's and I can't wait. I can't wait until pickmeisha's stop. But I might be living in a dream world like these men do. Their escape to a world where everything is how they want it to be.

Maude2010 · 2021-07-20T02:00:28+00:00

And to top it off, nearly every adult woman I know has health problems and/or suffers from some kind of trauma (usually because of men). They still do more than sit around.

nostradamusapologist · 2021-07-19T22:02:21+00:00

Poly but doesnt drive? The girlfriend takes him to his dick appointments?

myoklife · 2021-07-19T22:33:17+00:00

Ok, ok, ok you read my mind cause I have been thinking about this all day. I actually considered posting about it. It's happening to men around me left and right lately. It has been happening for awhile but lately it's like men are just giving up on life. Men in their mid-late thirties even.

Every so often, some dude I used to know drops out of society. I know multiple acquaintances who had a good job and situation, but gave it up to move back to their parents house. I have a long-time coworker who just decided to not do his job anymore and skips work most days. I have a family member with suspected Munchausen's who moved home in his late thirties to live there for free and not work. Two exes I know also did this. Both decided they "wanted a life free of having to make decisions." One moved home to live with his high school friends, none of which have ever worked (could have changed, but this was the case when I met them and they were 5+ years out of college). Another decided to live in his mom's van which he parks in his parents' driveway more often than not.

These are not people who grew up in poverty. All of these people grew up very well off. They all have at least a college degree, history of making very good money, marketable skills...they just, decided to leave society. Most did this in their late twenties or mid thirties.

I don't understand what is going on. In none of these situations is he taking care of a parent or anything. A lot of these men have very wealthy parents and I wonder if their "life goal" is for their parents to die so they inherit stuff. But what is going to happen to these men when they are ~50 and their parents are dead and they can't take care of themselves? I feel bad for the sisters of these men.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-07-19T22:24:00+00:00

Women need to STOP having sex with and giving an ounce of attention to these parasitic leeches.

They should be rewarded in no way for this type of existence.

just_let_me_log_in · 2021-07-19T23:15:29+00:00

I have been thinking this for a while now. I had a group of male friends for 10+ years. Initially they all were studying something at college, but then after graduating or dropping out most of them went into this "dream job or no job" mindset.

What pisses me off even more is that most of them have had plenty of opportunities, PLENTY. A few got good jobs handed to them by family members, or had an easy path to management positions, and then left because 'it does not pay enough', 'I am too stressed', 'it is not what I want'... and then gladly go back to leech off their parents or girlfriends (and complain about not having money... seriously?!)

While I had known many LVW, I can't recall not a single one who didn't do some kind of work (study, wage work, housework...), while there are a bunch of men I know who do not move a finger for anything.

SleepyLibraryScorpio · 2021-07-19T22:14:07+00:00

Holy shit! You jusT described the relationship my friend has with her fiancé. Yes she marrying him. No he’s not in school. No he doesn’t have a job. Yes he sits at home and plays video games all day. She supports him with her career. And he can’t even be bothered to clean up after himself.

Honestly the arrangement is mind boggling to me. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. He’s not mean. He’s interesting to talk to.

But is that the bar? Not an asshole? Apparently it is.

fleuretpomme · 2021-07-19T20:58:49+00:00

I have no idea. It's a serious sociological problem that I think will have economic impacts in the next few decades. Not working = not paying taxes or contributing to a retirement (in the US). No job = no healthcare either. They're drains on not just women/family but society as a whole.

I really loved my ex but had to leave because he hit every one of your bullet points. It became a host/parasite situation. I have an older cousin who is the exact same way, except he fathered kids he doesn't care about. Everyone I know knows a man like this to some degree of separation. Yet I've never seen a woman match this profile. Maybe a select demographic marries and has kids with a guy in order to avoid working, but even the act of raising kids is better than atrophying in front of a $3,000 gaming PC

08__80 · 2021-07-19T22:11:23+00:00

First of all, I want to know WHO is giving your friend backlash for leaving this creep? Who is sitting there thinking, I am entitled to have an opinion about this? Who is sitting there thinking, this woman needs to stay with this man because... BECAUSE WHY? What reason could there possibly be??? Doesn't he have other girlfriends to support him through his polyamorous relationship? Maybe the backlasher can go support him?

I mean, what the fuck is this? Who are these clowns?

Support your friend, please! (I know you already do!)

Playbackfromwayback · 2021-07-20T06:39:07+00:00

My husband had a great - GREAT - position in sales until he started literally banging his receptionist. The job obviously disappeared and he refused to work after that. A few years later i was finally able to divorce him and god almighty losing that 250 pounds was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Fuck that guy and fuck all the lazy, leeching, parasitic losers I’ve let into my life. Never again.

I read something that resonates- there’s toxic people everywhere, toxic people finding me wasn’t the issue. The issue was that i let toxic people stay in my life.

Never. Again.

Majestic_Problem9812 · 2021-07-19T23:17:54+00:00

In the US, during the 1960s/1970s, more women began to attend college and start careers. Women have been kicking ass for decades now and don’t depend on men to support them financially.

Because men know that they don’t need to be financially responsible to get laid, most of them stopped trying.

Most college graduates are women. Most boys aren’t finishing high school anymore and no one is pushing them to do better. I can’t tell you how many straight couples I know where the woman has multiple degrees and the man doesn’t even have a GED.

As long as society tolerates this behavior, it is not going to change.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-07-19T21:23:24+00:00

It reminds me of so called hikikomoris in Japan. There are around million young people not leaving their house, like ever. It's a huge problem. And around 90% of all cases are men.

Ambitious_Cup5774 · 2021-07-19T23:33:26+00:00

I've had years where I wasn't able to work because of my mental illness, but I honestly hated it and worked hard as hell to recover. Made every therapy and med appointment, would try working every so often, and would research about mental health recovery on my own. During that time in my life, I was dating a guy who dropped out of life a year after we started dating. He would just stop showing up to work, he just felt this compulsion to leave. He refused to go to therapy, he preferred to play video games.. His dad also took care of him completely, and regularly cleaned up after him. I honestly felt embarrassed to ask my family for help with chores, and they were busy/self absorbed and would honestly look at me weird if I asked for help. Welp, all my efforts finally paid off and I just graduated college and im about to start working and planning for grad school. I do see men who drop out of life as suffering from mental illness, but with big doses of entitlement. They know that they will be taken care of, and they are. I think the DSM should include this phenomenon, because they have no problem having fun, but have very major problems with dopamine and motivation.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-07-20T00:51:46+00:00

People tend to frown on mothers abandoning their adoptive sons.

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-20T06:18:20+00:00

beware of the ones that job jump from low end/dead end job to dead end job. I had an ex like this. he had zero ambition and would often be calling out and he would slack and break the rules at work. then he would jump to another one and do the same thing.

tired of men with no skincare routine, unibrow, dad bods, t shirt and gym shorts clothes, balding, that are uneducated and broke thinking they can score professional, classy, women that are actively making an effort to take care of themselves

shoo_coworker · 2021-07-19T22:21:56+00:00

Tbh I think it's just the default state of men/humans in general. "How can I get the most benefit for the least amount of effort?" It makes sense from an evolutionary point of view and explains why most people today are addicts in one form or another--addicted to TV, to junk food, to online shopping, to porn, etc. Because it's an easy dopamine hit. But I think men are more likely to be addicts than women.

Imo the disparity is caused by the fact that the societal judgement and repercussions of acting like that are worse for women, so women cultivate more discipline and are more hardworking to avoid being seen as useless failures. Men are rarely judged because people automatically assume men are smart, mature, and hardworking just because they're men.

And then you have the special kind of stupid people who say it's entirely acceptable for men to stay home and do nothing, and take on the "passive feminine" role in a relationship because role reversal is empowering somehow....yet the only reason women were passive in the past is because we were being forcefully barred from working or having any agency outside of the home.

Jalapeknows2 · 2021-07-19T23:03:52+00:00

Sounds like my first husband! Lazy, unemployed, slept til noon, treated me like shit. While I nearly killed myself working. From what I observed in his family - his parents were married and he had an emotionally incestuous relationship with his mother. He felt entitled to my uncompensated labor.

Why did I stay? Intense pressure from my family. In the culture I was raised in, there was nothing more important than being married, even if to a sentient trash bag.

I divorced him and never looked back. He, OTOH, still lives with his parents at nearly 50 years old.

modernmedusaa · 2021-07-19T23:44:14+00:00

Honestly most men are physically unattractive as it is.

At least in the 50s men were expected to scrub up, wear a suit and dress smart.

Most men now dress like overgrown children who don’t leave their couch.

Them also not being able to provide just makes them extremely useless and even more repulsive.

Them also being immature, entitled wimps and socially retarded and addicted to porn and vidyaaaa games is just ....wtf is the point.

The instant gratification element of porn, dating apps and video games also means they have no discipline or patience to see long-lasting results.

That’s just a fucking burden. Who desires a burden in their life? Pick mes!

It’s because too many moms are pushover pick mes in the west and coddle their bum ass arrogant sons, letting them live at home till 35 & beyond. Most time’s they are not saving for a house either or doing their fair share of cooking/ cleaning. And they’re wasting money on bullshit.

They allow their son to manipulate them using their fake suicide threats . When really he’s just an immature asshole that spends his time smoking weed and sleeping with women from Tinder, getting sacked from jobs bc he doesn’t turn up.

They are simply looking for a new McMommy to move in with.

Also now thanks to woke lefty 50:50 bullshit- often parroted by class deaf champagne socialists- many lefty women feel instant sympathy for any useless manipulative scrote that mutters ‘muh mental health’ or ‘muh childhood’. Even if they had a tough upbringing & worked hard to improve, they will give this leech a pass not to. He’s instantly a victim no matter how much he messes up his own life or is woefully stubborn in his refusal to grow up/advance. There’s this build-a-man fantasy you can magically change a socially retarded 37yr old wimp who’s been dragging his feet all his life. He’s just ‘misunderstood’.

They don’t understand that men often lie to extract emotional labour /sex /cooking/ money from them, so they sit back & let the woman do it all. Because pick me will. Though she will constantly complain about it & neither of them will ge happy since she doesn’t respect his lazy beta ass.

Social anxiety is not an adequate excuse for men to be lame, selfish & awkward at 37. Get a grip. Childhood was a long time ago buddy- what you have is SELF NEGLECT. That isn’t sexy in the slightest.

There is something called ‘feigned helplessness’ and many adult LVM use it to manipulate women into being the man and the woman for them. Then they wonder why they get no respect. It’s quite pathetic.

It’s definitely not acceptable. Don’t accept it.

Unfortunately men only seem to get off their ass if women hold the stick super high. Most have no self motivation besides female attention.

libralia · 2021-07-20T03:21:05+00:00

So, you know where women have a uterus, men have the audacity right there.

t3ddi · 2021-07-20T03:39:18+00:00

Public School teacher here. Its literally bc "inclusion" where every kid gets passed bc. customer service to parents and lack of funding/support to make it for a for real idea with traction. Mic drop!

Ironsculpture · 2021-07-20T07:37:20+00:00

Because their mothers and other women let them get away with it, it's that simple. Male behaviour is always controlled by women's tolerance. As long as they have access to food, housing, and sex, they won't ever change.

ShadowoftheGrimoire · 2021-07-20T01:34:37+00:00

There’s a book I read on this subject called “Failure to Launch” by Michael Devine. It’s been a while, but if I remember correctly the main reason this happens is that other people end up bearing the burden of the LVM’s actions so all the LVM sees is benefit for doing nothing because some enabler in his life keeps a roof over his head, food on the table and money in his bank without enforcing the punishments or consequences needed to get him to change.

The author does make allowances for mental illnesses and such, but mainly they do it because others let them get away with it.

That being said, it’s not my job ( or any other woman’s) to fix them.

Platipus6 · 2021-07-20T00:44:14+00:00

It's the porn. Animals brains give us a hit of dopamine for any "hunting" behaviour. We'd die if we had no motivation to get up and seek food, shelter, sex.

Men are busting their dopamine levels with the amount of supernormal stimulus available. They can endlessly "hunt" for the perfect clip to jerk off to. Combine it with the rush of other chemicals released during orgasm, they become addicted to hunting for porn and (fake) acquiring of sex.

We get less dopamine for the acquisition of something. Which is why people can hoard. Having the thing, having the food isn't nearly as rewarding, or else we'd all be hardly-motivated to get food, but gorging when we get it. The search for money, food, sex is more intoxicating than having it.

So they have no motivation left for anything else. Seeking money isn't rewarding. Doing housework isn't rewarding. Caring for others isn't rewarding.

If you haven't wrecked your dopamine and reward system, you still get excited by going to work, you still feel pride after cleaning your home, you're still motivated to hunt.

Combined with the physical brain damage of the pre-frontal cortex where decisions are made, plans can be formed, empathy is developed, risks are assessed. Everything is broken. It's hard to make multi-step plans to do housework or apply for jobs. They don't give a shit about their family. It seems like a good idea to watch porn on a train. It causes depression and anxiety. They're like heroin users who need a hit to get back to normal. People aren't meant to look at increasingly depraved material. We feel sick after watching certain things.

It's been 25 years since high speed, high def internet porn with an unlimited amount of stimulus is available, and the results of this experiment are all around us, increasing and compounding. The 30-40 year old workforce of males is wrecked. Even if they all quit today it would take 3 months to reset their dopamine, and 1+ years for them to get off their ass and want to learn how to function like an adult, if they even wanted to.

_electrafire · 2021-07-20T01:07:46+00:00

At my college, the sororities were extremely strict on GPA and you couldn’t even rush if it was below like a 2.8, yet the guys got into fraternities while on academic probo. The standards disparity is literally institutionalized in society

FarmerOnly252 · 2021-07-19T21:51:01+00:00

Some of these ‘men’ groom women by love bombing and painting the picture of aspirational dreams out there early on the the relationship. This keeps women on the hook, honestly believing that these are good guys who were handed a bad hand of cards. Then there real selves come out later in the relationship, making it harder to leave.

Sirsmokeyman · 2021-07-19T22:28:10+00:00

Why would you even start to date someone like this?? This isn’t a personality trait that just all of sudden shows up!

1Here4Bach · 2021-07-20T17:19:45+00:00

Mental weakness caused by helicopter parents. I went to college and the kids that were the laziest came from middle class-upper middle class backgrounds where mommy did everything for them and daddy was a passive blob. They thought that everything was owed to them and having to lift a finger to achieve something was too much work. The kids in college that were raised in foster care or were 1st Gen college students always worked the hardest.

HikeNova · 2021-07-19T22:02:51+00:00

I just got banned from another popular relationship Reddit for calling a man who doesn’t know the basics of birth control an idiot (and instead of trying to learn the basics of female anatomy accused her of cheating). Because men don’t want to hold other men accountable for finding or not finding the clitoris. That’s basically the gist of it.

proudpine · 2021-07-19T21:09:42+00:00

What is in it for her at all? What value does he bring to HER life? He’s not even faithful to her, it just makes no sense. How does any rational person look at that and say that she shouldn’t leave him? (I know they do). I guess it’s just good old patriarchy.

My mom thinks that men are in general failing to launch because they haven’t had to go to war. I think she may be right. There is no event forcing men to grow up and do something for other people. Most of the time they won’t even man up for their own kids.

skyerippa · 2021-07-19T22:53:23+00:00

The last 4 exes I had were like this...

FizzyUnicorn · 2021-07-19T22:58:58+00:00

My last ex hits a lot of these. It got to the point where I couldn't stay and try to help him any more, because it became clear he wasn't going to try to help himself, but I still worry about him to this day. Granted, he deals with mental health issues, but then again so do I...I've struggled with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. for years and haven't always been the most stable person in the world, but I've still prioritized school, my career, financial/general independence, etc. Even if you suffer with mental illness, I feel like it's still on you to do your best to get the help you need, whether that be therapy, meds, a support group, or whatever. But sometimes it seems like men aren't held to this standard as much as women are.

Breesasha · 2021-07-19T22:34:59+00:00

There are a lot of driving factors...what I've seen through my own experiences, and experiences of friends and family

1) pickmeishas who rather have a man than be single. It's a badge of honor to be married and have kids like the "American dream" even if that's a lie 2) single mothers spoiling their sons and telling their daughters to be caregivers/helpers so daughters think they can "fix" their spouses and make them into decent men and sons think they should be catered to just for having certain genitalia. 3) Society highlighting non-traditional careers (careers that aren't vocational, 9to5, or self-employed entrepreneur) like becoming a rapper, eSports/pro gamer, celebrity, social media influencer, etc which lets people have these grandiose ideas that they can have these careers that only 1 and a million people are able to do and sustain. A lot of people think they'll go viral or get deals/sponsorships. 4) Stay-at-home-dad has become more of a trend and acceptable where the woman is the breadwinner and the man doesn't work but cares for the kids 5) There's no shame from other men now that they're being cared for by their wife/S.O

lolmemberberries · 2021-07-20T01:53:49+00:00

The number of dudes I encountered on OLD who were in their thirties who moved back in with their parents when they split up with their exes disgusted me.

TrixieFriganza · 2021-07-20T04:30:57+00:00

Where do they get money this lifestyle? So their parents or stupid pick-me girlfriends support them?

NessaMonsta17 · 2021-07-19T20:56:13+00:00

(Im a single mom. Lol.) hmm I only answered the question in the title ya'll. Did not see that this is about a guy, and poly (Poly is really trending, yikes 🤮) and yada yada.

Single moms over compensated their sons and held no expectations. Thus sons didnt learn to be proper men.
Women want to be different by being the cool girl, or the well off girl. Both of these girls acceptingt men to play the spoiled position. When we take there role, they take ours.
Men aren't being face with real consequences when they treat us poorly.
Other men teach them how stupid we are and encourage them mistreat us.
Men tell them that being a husband comes at a loss and sacrifice.
Men fear monger other men to fear us or hating us women, so they never become real men.
Women haven't taught their daughters, their nieces, female friends on how to be high value and how expect and demand high value behavior.
Women are taught to be tolerant and excuse men, because they can't help themsepves.
Men tell other man it's normal that they can't help themselves.
Women are also tricked into think we are bitches, so we show we are sweet hearts by being the best doormat we can be.

I can go on and on. Whatever you do. Do not accept shit behavior or shit effort.

Keep on pushing girl and spread the word to our sisters of what they need to start expecting and putting their foot down. Encourage women to stand up and be Queen. Then this will start to shift back into healthy.

Update: Single mother's who are hurt because cause you are taking reason number 1 against yourself. Its not about you, and if u are a good mentor to your kids, then this would not affect you.

You do realize that this is just a random list of reasons. I never said only single mothers. So simmer down, take a seat and have some tea 🍵 . Out of all this list you, dont miss the bigger picture because u got triggered. Matter of fact i invite you to make your own list to answer OPS questions.

NoSurprise7196 · 2021-07-20T01:17:20+00:00

I need answers!

xxritualhowelsxx · 2021-07-20T20:41:02+00:00

Because their parents support them being bums. I have a friend who graduated from a university and has been sitting at home working on his hobbies for the past two years. The funniest part is he broke up with his long term girlfriend, who’s full time employed, and she was so devastated she went to seek therapy. Sadly they are back together now. 7 years and still no ring

fan_of_fromage · 2021-07-20T09:10:40+00:00

This is what is called a "cocklodger" on Mumsnet!

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-07-20T09:26:55+00:00

the more women embrace a pickme mentality, the more these guys are going to think that they can get away with anything.

Aina98 · 2021-07-20T09:21:24+00:00

I agree with everything youre saying, but as a woman who plays videogames please dont compare them to porn 😩

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Sister_cat · 2021-07-20T10:54:25+00:00

Oh my god. I feel so sorry for your friend.

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-07-20T13:12:10+00:00

I wonder how they want to ever get their "dream job" without work experience and a huge gap in their resume? Just a code for "I don't ever want to work."

Miss_Insher · 2021-07-21T02:16:54+00:00

God. I don’t understand WHY do some sisters choose to stay with a man who not only doesn’t contribute, but also has an audacity to be “poly.”

Lady_Schmoobleydong · 2021-07-20T11:49:06+00:00

He didn’t choose the NEET life, the NEET life chose him…

Title	Why is it becoming increasingly acceptable for men to be unemployed, not in school, and video game/porn addicted?
Author	GabbaG0ul
Upvotes	1387
Comments	142
Date	July 19, 2021 8:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/onmr92/why_is_it_becoming_increasingly_acceptable_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-is-it-becoming-increasingly-acceptable-for-men.794577 https://theredarchive.com/post/794577

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