Could u in the 80s as a Man basically "just exist" and you were basically guaranteed that u will end up with a Wife + Family? Was it that easy?

wtknight · 2023-07-18T12:06:09+00:00

If a guy was a nerd in the 80s then he probably wasn’t going to be successful. Women are much more into nerdy interests now than they were back then.

Most people had social lives, though. People couldn’t live online with their phones like they can now. Still, there were still plenty of awkward men who still had to learn to attract women. The difference then was that they probably had more real-life opportunities to learn how to attract them.

nonplussedminus · 2023-07-18T12:05:44+00:00

No, outsiders and losers always existed. That said it was much easier for example to move out of your parents house. My dad had a working class wage and he had his own house, car, 4 kids and a wife by his mid-20s with my mom staying at home and never needing to get a job. There were also much less electronic distractions (no social media, no Netflix, TV only had like 4 programs, a 16 bit video game cost like 70 bucks to buy) so people were forced to go out and socialize much more.

AngeCruelle · 2023-07-18T13:32:10+00:00

Based on the perspectives of my parents who grew up in the 80s:

Now more than ever being a fun, interesting person who interacts and socializes with other people is a result of a series of choices you have to actively make while back then it was closer to a default for young people. Yeah nerds and loners existed but the nerdy loner still had friends somewhere if not at their school.

They also say it was normal to consider similar-aged relatives your closest friends and nobody would question that or think it's weird. Like you and your cousins would go meet girls together. The idea that you need a social circle built entirely from people who aren't related to you is recent.

Family is more likely to put up with your quirky bullshit and help you make a better impression to people who don't know you. That seems to be how a lot of socially inept people got by in the past just enough to date and get married.

uselessloner123 · 2023-07-18T13:36:09+00:00

The answer to this is no.

I know or have known a few bachelors in their 50s. They never managed to find anyone. Most were introverted or somewhat lacked charm. I know another guy in his 50s who is basically the old-time equivalent of passport bro. Got stationed in SE Asia as a young guy while in the military, met a girl there and they married. He later came back to the US. They are still married and have an adult son now.

Dating is harder now but you couldn’t just exist in the 80s and a women fall into your lap. You still had to have social skills and mind you back then you HAD to cold approach and court a women.

But the 80s had way more third places that hadn’t been gentrified away or reserved only for rich folk, which is a major downside of modern day dating

LoopyPro · 2023-07-18T12:11:58+00:00

Dating pools were smaller, people were more traditional. The internet sure did globalize the dating market. I'd say it would make sense that people were quicker to settle before that, thus making it easier to get the wife and kids.

That being said, it doesn't automatically mean that the relationship/marriage would be a happy/satisfying one. Once she sees that she could've done better, she will become resentful towards average Joe.

Dimension597 · 2023-07-18T13:43:34+00:00

Having lived through them- no. Absolutely not.

Xennial3999 · 2023-07-18T14:11:04+00:00

Growing up in the 80s and 90s it was pretty much guaranteed if you made 50k a year you would have a QT sweet girl that would love you.

I got into a long term relationship pre tinder days and eventually separated about 4 or 5 years ago from her. I wasn't happy with things and thought I had a lot going for me. I thought I was decent to good looking, fit body, funny, loving, caring and made around 65k at the time in the Midwest. I thought I was a catch and it would be easy to find some QT that would love me as a boyfriend. Like what girl wouldn't want a funny caring man that likes to take care of them.

Well what I discovered is that my looksmatch is apparently women a decade older than me, at least 250lbs and possibly some sort of disability judging from their facial features. I eventually worked things out and was able to get slightly better matches on occasion. I tried like hell to meet women and the few that I did try and connect with, I offered a lot as a potential boyfriend and nothing was ever good enough. Doesn't seem to matter what I do, there's something with my looks or personality that is not attractive enough to women.

So to summarize. Yes average Joe used to have has pick of women. Now days average Joe is invisible. I think the transition has been so fast that a lot of men are in complete denial and blame feminism or liberalism or whatever, but it's really just that women have infinite options now, and there"s no reason for them to settle down with anyone that's not incredible in all areas .

Salty_Loss_8055 · 2023-07-18T12:47:08+00:00

No. Nothing in life is guaranteed

Tricky_Relief_7152 · 2023-07-18T11:52:26+00:00

Lol fuck no.

You always had to do the work. Men always had to be successful, it's expected that men be masculine and productive - society has not allowed us to abdicate that role.

Psyteratops · 2023-07-18T12:32:08+00:00

This is the nostalgia bait and it’s exactly the same as what fascists do to gain followers. Also big among cult leaders.

It goes; things used to be better. When? About thirty years ago when I was a child and I didn’t have to worry about anything. We have to go back to being childr— I mean we need to go back to our previous values.

Not that people here wouldn’t have an easier time finding love in the 80s. We didn’t have screen time keeping us from forming community.

RedBullfrog · 2023-07-18T13:07:11+00:00

Hell no. The only real difference is that back then the dating pool was much smaller. It was locality based. Competition was still tough. The quaterback still could pick and the nerd could only dream about being close to a woman

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-07-18T14:39:30+00:00

No. It wasn't that easy. People still got rejected, people still struggled to find dates, and people still struggled to have sex.

daddysgotanew · 2023-07-18T12:42:51+00:00

Yes. How do you think the previous generations were so large? We’re headed towards a population collapse (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing) but corporations and government are already panicking and trying to figure out how to move forward with far less people/taxpayers in the future. They know that late millennials and gen Z are having almost no kids compared to previous generations.

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-07-18T15:41:33+00:00

No definitely not. A guy who lived with his parents, and / or just stayed home all day, didn't get a decent job, who was socially awkward, etc... would remain a bachelor. It's not like confirmed bachelors haven't always been a thing. Even the 1960s Andy Griffith show portrayed this character. The difference is that you can create a virtual reality with the internet , porn, video games, and have a lot more instant gratification as a guy who "just exists" today than in 1980 so a lot more people are prone to get sucked into that lifestyle.

lotwbarryyd · 2023-07-18T15:52:38+00:00

Incels have always existed.

outwitthebully · 2023-07-18T16:05:59+00:00

Yes. Young Women had relatively low standards. This was encouraged by the media which consistently showed various sorts of clearly undesirable men hooking up with and/or marrying beautiful women . It was sustained by apathetic/uninvolved parents.

Women back then usually thought they wanted children/a family more than they seem to now. It was a societal expectation that they would try to form a family. Therefore They were willing to accept bad behavior, hygiene, and appearance and were encouraged to give men with poor social skills “a chance”.

Meanwhile standards for women’s appearance were very high, and men generally had a “front” of being very discriminating lol.

Young Men rarely lifted weights unless it was for a specific sport such as wrestling. Older/married men never lifted although some would have a sport hobby such as racquetball. Many older men had treadmills to run on to try to keep weight down. But no “lifting”.

Women were basically not supposed to have an expectation that men be particularly attractive before marriage and definitely not after.

This continued through the ‘90’s.

Source: female, gen x.

EDTA: i think the introduction of the term “partner” as interchangeable with “husband” introduced a bit of confusion that has since dissipated. “Partner” implies that you can have a career and your marriage “partner” will do what they can to help you succeed just as you do what you can to help them succeed. It implies some equality, which studies have since shown simply does not and never has existed in marriage.

So now the data regarding division of labor is clear, the confusion is gone and modern women know that it is a choice: be independent and have a career, or get married and have children and do all the cooking and cleaning and be somewhat bored or even lonely and depressed for the 30 years after the kids move out.

Obvious-Dog4249 · 2023-07-18T16:52:54+00:00

I’m not third wave feminist but I just was educated on the fact that women couldn’t have a bank account at every bank till 1974. In the 60’s it was okay for a woman to have one but a lot of banks wouldn’t do it till they had to in 1974. Social media and dating apps are a larger deal but women not being able to have their own money without husband’s permission is pretty crucial and this likely didn’t catch on immediately.

KirthWGersen · 2023-07-18T11:57:03+00:00

Today you don't have to grind and self-improve if you are average. You just have to accept someone else average.

It really hasn't changed much at all. What has changed is social media, increasing isolation and a perception of inadequacy.

At least that is the case everywhere I have lived in Europe. "Dating" in the USA has always seemed weird to me.

throwaway123456_7812 · 2023-07-18T13:45:08+00:00

I don’t think it’s as simple as “just exist”, but I seriously doubt the bar for looks in men was as high as it was today.

AreOut · 2023-07-18T15:10:32+00:00

80s? Even 2000s were way easier than 2020s. Somewhere around 2010 it all started going downhill.

Chad_Thundercock717 · 2023-07-18T15:21:33+00:00

Gen X ruined manhood by promoting this idea that guys can retain their adolescence by collecting toys, playing video games, and watching cartoons into adulthood. The 80s was the last generation of adult MEN.

Filmguy000 · 2023-07-18T17:20:40+00:00

I was born in the 80's so I obviously wasn't dating then. But from what I remember in the 90's and having conversations with older people, the dating market was a more even playing field. A lot of factors including the overall economy, job market and culture made things a bit more reasonable in the dating market.

Before, an average (looks and intelligence) guy could get a local manufacturing job and do well. At that point he just had to put himself out there (at school, church, friend of the family, etc.) and by 25 he would likely have a wife. And if the wife worked, they could buy a home and live a comfortable life. This was the typical life trajectory of the the typical American boomer male (and arguably Gen X as well). And if you actually went to college, you were sitting pretty since you had access to higher positions in corporate America or other lucrative professions (most people stopped schooling after high school until around the 90's).

Now enter the Millenial generation and everyone is in college (with not nearly enough job openings to employ us). Blue collar factory/manufacturing jobs are all but extinct and pensions are a thing of the past. Women are now making as much or even more than men. Housing is more expensive than ever. And the internet led to smart phones and dating apps were created. So now the typical "high earner" is usually the above average intelligent male who entered the right niche for employment/making money. And women now have their wallets full and can have thousands of men to choose from as far as dating.

So that leaves the average looking/intelligence man in kind of a dire situation. Sure, most average guys do enter relationships at some point. But the women will likely not be satisfied for long. They now have more leverage than ever and have too many "better" options.

My prediction is that the expression, "growing old with someone" will be pretty much done before long. The next dream for the typical adult will be, "having someone when you're old".

mnt68 · 2023-07-18T12:35:05+00:00

1980s: Compete against a few other single guys in town that she knows.

Be average looks (at a minimum)
Have a good job so you can be a provider

2020s: Compete against every man within 50 miles looking for women (thousands)

Be above average looks (at a minimum)
Be extraordinary in some category (over 6’ tall, popular, or wealthy)
Don’t have red flags or you are eliminated early on

Annual_Anxiety_4457 · 2023-07-18T12:15:49+00:00

80s was similar to today as men and women worked. The era you are looking for is more 50s/60s. Mostly men wear universities and it was possible to support a family on one salary as blue collar worker.

What has happened since is that women surpassed men at universities, birth control and industrial jobs no longer lying well. And also social media…

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-07-18T13:44:13+00:00

i bet everything men could get a WIFE easily RIGHT NOW by going on one of the apps and advertising they are specifically looking for marriage and that they will do XYZ an dmake XYZ money, whatever. since when are men here crying about not begin able to be some beta bux in a "marriage"? men want to get laid

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Over_North8884 · 2023-07-18T14:37:16+00:00

Actually one must go back a few more decades before TV and air conditioning.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-07-18T16:24:13+00:00

The further back you go, the more women needed men for survival, so the more often a bad or extremely average man could get a wife, often a wife with personality/character/looks too good for him.

ThrowAwayHuman122333 · 2023-07-18T12:14:57+00:00

The 80's? No. Maybe the 50s and part of the 60s and 70s but things have gotten tougher for men as time progressed. It was easier before women started entering the workforce in large numbers because there was more jobs and the dollar was worth more.

No-Neighborhood-5851 · 2023-07-18T13:38:59+00:00

I think it was a lot easier for men to work on themselves and become an attractive man and meet those patriarchal standards back then. Everything changed after 9/11 and the Stock Market crash in 2007/2008.

It's much harder now, but the bullshit thing is that society as a whole still expects us to meet those standards and expectations from 20+ years ago.

SmilesRHere · 2023-07-18T16:23:35+00:00

Nope, but you were likely to meet someone and hookup if you did more than stay in a cave like most of you seem to be doing these days.

My 14 year old gamer and kind of nerdish (straight A student) son is on his second girlfriend, simply because he hung out with friends (boys and girls) after school, and still hangs out with different friend groups during summer.

All it takes is social interaction in real life.

Blue_Robin_04 · 2023-07-18T16:12:22+00:00

There was practically no overselection in normal towns before online dating. The "checklist style" of dating did not exist. So, yes, the 80s would have been easier for us.

esdebah · 2023-07-18T15:02:14+00:00

That was a turning point, yes. The inevitability of marriage lead a lot of men and women into really shitty, joyless, and often abusive marriages.

Iron_Pinecone · 2023-07-18T15:35:42+00:00

Not the 80's but in the later 90's and early 00's I started a few relationships from ads on Craigslist that didn't include a picture. It wasn't super easy but I'd write a new one every month or so. You weren't looking for a lot of hits, just one really good hit.

I think in the 90's one relationship I was in started with an ad in the newspaper. People were a little paranoid to send pictures of themselves but they would write a stranger for some reason. Something was definitely different about those times. I don't think the competition (and consequently the standards and expectations?) was anything like it is today.

I'm 100% sure that if it had happened 10, 15, 20 years later those women would not have responded to me on OLD as it came to be known, and those relationships never would have happened.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-07-18T15:36:11+00:00

No, it was never that easy. If you go to the poor, traditional countries where beautiful young women line up to marry fat old duds, as long as they’re white and from the west, you’ll soon realize that there are MANY single men at all ages, who are incapable of marrying because they don’t have enough money. Prostitutes are a comment outlet

Supreme_Salt_Lord · 2023-07-18T18:12:43+00:00

Yes and no. Most ppl back then and even today found an SO thru friend groups. Back before internet, easy porn, video games you had to hang out with friends and those friends had friends and SO who had single friends. So if you were outgoing just a little bit yes you would be set up with a date eventually. Women didn’t have much prospects due to limited variety based on her area and lack of career.

ResponsibleUmpire752 · 2023-07-18T19:03:47+00:00

Yes for sex but no for wife & family. I'm a woman who dated then. It was easier for everyone to have sex because people spent a lot of time with each other, not online, which barely existed then. You almost couldn't help meeting people, especially if you went to college, or had a lot of friends (which were easy to make since people were always out and about), or even went to clubs (or really, anywhere). Unless someone was very religious, there was basically no concern about "body count" (cringe term, imo) so women often experimented with/tried being with different guys and vice versa. There was also no sense of shame about casual or friend sex, unless someone mistreated people or was dishonest. People were very upfront about what they wanted in a relationship and whom they were seeing and whether or not they wanted to be monogamous. It was very laid back and fun. No sending filtered pictures (no cell phones). No online dating. No appearance influencers (besides models in magazines or celebs on TV/movies (and I didn't even know anyone besides our parents who owned a TV lol). Porn was just mags and videos. People still tried to look good ofc. Idk if the 80s were better than now (bc it was easy to waste time with a wrong person and emotional baggage is real) but yes, most men (and women) could very easily just go to a party or to anywhere and hook up with someone. Birth control was readily available and people really only worried about pregnancy or STDs. So sex was easier. But re: wife and family, much fewer people seemed ready to settle down young. When people did get interested in that, I don't think it was any easier. The "vetting" process started then. So the serious part wasn't different; everyone was still picky about whom they actually married. It's just that many people now choose to skip the fun, single phase and go straight into a serious LTR/marriage. I hope this post sheds some light.

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-18T19:43:23+00:00

1) America hadn’t started destroyed itself 100% yet. Obesity was much lower, housing was cheaper, the dollar was stronger and there were still plenty of manly blue collar jobs available.

2) Online dating didn’t exist. Women couldn’t swipe through 800 guys looking for the one with eyebrows she liked (yes someone told me she did this!). You dated more within local friends circles and took the other person “warts and all”.

foffsrz · 2023-07-18T19:48:32+00:00

Yes it was that easy. For a variety of reasons. Firstly, 20% of women are asexual because of oral contraception. That leaves 80%. 50% of that 80% is obese. That leaves 40%. We’ll say another 5% is sugar babying/prostituting. Another 6% is homosexual. Etc etc. If the obesity rate was 0 and oral contraceptives were banned, the amount of viable mates would double. Obviously these aren’t serious calculations but it’s something like this.

Not to say that men are in better shape. I’d estimate there’s a small percentage of “viable” male mates as well.

Nature is very cruel when keeping the balance. See “returning soldier effect.” (The number of boys born increases drastically following large wars.)

penny_admixture · 2023-07-18T20:24:42+00:00

in the 90s vs 80s but yeah in my experience it really was a lot easier.

for bonus difficulty back then i was a male presenting 5'8" scrawny lisa-simpson-as-boy nerdy overachiever type in high school

started a lame alternative band got laid a f

probably that trick no longer works 🪦

Leyoniflowers · 2023-07-18T21:30:02+00:00

no i don’t think so guys in the 80s worked 10x harder then today😂and why are guys so obsessed w just existing?? Why isn’t there any aspiration to achieve or chase your dreams or some drive to do better in life?? but we’re suppose to be content w guys just “existing” no!! Want more for yourself in life and stop worry about a relationship!

Title	Could u in the 80s as a Man basically "just exist" and you were basically guaranteed that u will end up with a Wife + Family? Was it that easy?
Author	No_Incident4004
Upvotes	27
Comments	182
Date	July 18, 2023 11:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/152w5b0/could_u_in_the_80s_as_a_man_basically_just_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/could-u-in-the-80s-as-a-man-basically-just-exist.1225619 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225619

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