Do you actually NEVER get laid or approached, or are you exaggerating?

WebNew9978 · 2025-07-10T20:18:16+00:00

I’m about to become a 31 year old kissless, hugless handholdless virgin who’s also never been on a first date man. I’ve never been told that so and so thinks I’m attractive. I’ve never had a woman flirt or be interested in me. I sure as hell have never had a woman approach me before. But they sure as well don’t have an issue having every man around approach them or even approaching them as well. This is legit hell and an absolute heartbreaking/depressing thing for anybody to go through. I don’t wish this on anybody. Not even my worst enemies.

RayAP19 · 2025-07-10T20:02:26+00:00

Laid? Occasionally, with tons of effort on my part.

Approached? Literally never.

Dissentient · 2025-07-10T20:05:16+00:00

No woman has expressed any interest in me in my entire life.

I never put any active effort into dating it, seems like way too much of a pain in the ass and I'm fine being single. However, my point is that if you are actually average as a man, nothing woman-related will ever happen to you unless you actively look for it.

LazySignature2 · 2025-07-10T21:45:06+00:00

Sorry guy, but your description doesn't seem to indicate being avg.

So unless you're willing to provide face pictures (or w.e. you used for Tinder) to prove you're average, can't take your word for it.

People are famously bad at judging their own physical attractiveness.

Icyfemboy · 2025-07-10T19:51:04+00:00

Yeah I mean I don’t leave my home so no opportunity for people to approach me, also no social media/dating apps apart from Reddit and YouTube. I still like whining on Reddit though ngl.

stats135 · 2025-07-10T19:59:22+00:00

I have been approached exactly once in my life, and that was close to 20yrs ago. I happened to be too young and inexperienced to take advantage of it.

You can't really lower your standards for being approached. It is by definition passive.

Dertross · 2025-07-11T00:08:23+00:00

Not exaggerating.

Not a single time in my life.

Some of the women I've asked out looked disgusted too.

kopdjernigan · 2025-07-10T19:57:29+00:00

During the beginning of my lifemaxxing journey around 23-24 I would get stuff like this happening as well but god damn if I didn’t know how to escalate or I would get so nervous attempting to escalate that I had to walk away from situations like that.

So personally I had to get out of my head or learn to control my anxiety before I could actually make use of those opportunities.

I would say at least half of current incels are somewhat like this.

reignoferror00 · 2025-07-10T20:11:24+00:00

I'm likely decades older than most that will answer, but if you ask if women have never directly approached me that wouldn't be very far from the truth. Did I very rarely get laid in my late teens and very early 20's, yes. Mid to later 20's, once in a while, along with getting in a couple relationships. This is from a socially below average guy who had (as still has to some extent) lower self esteem.

If I waited for a woman to approach and actually directly show even the tiniest bit of interest in me, possibly I may have got laid once or twice over several decades. It is a very, very, very rare occurrence.

Lowering my physical standards, has had very little effect. Many of those ones either think higher of themselves and/or have just decide to opt out.

Trialbyfuego · 2025-07-10T20:06:59+00:00

I got approached several times in high school and a couple times in college. And they usually saw me around once or twice before they approached but not always. In high school it was like half and half attractive or not. The one in college was very cute.

Outside of that, one time when out with some people, someone else's friend liked me and my friend got her number from someone else and sent it to me lol and we briefly dated.

That's about it but I also was homeschooled before high school and never allowed to leave the house and that's kinda still how I am so that might throw the numbers off.

ImpossibleCandy794 · 2025-07-10T20:32:35+00:00

Nop, I got approached once in my life, by one girl at a party, and thats it. Ever single other interactions I ever had needed to be started and fought to be continued by me. Never had a girlfriends and aí have the very restrictive requirements of:

1 have a pussy

2 weight a bit less than three times my weight (less than 160kg, the mordibly obese threshold for an average height woman in my country)

3 be less than 30 ( im 23)

I do get an average 3 matches a week on tinder, most ghost me, the few I have a first date say that they didnt feel a connection, even though they said they liked talking and laughed for most of the time. Some even kept contact to play games or just keep sending reels on instagram. Some dodged bullets jusy directly say that Im too short for them, some times before we even order at the date, and most times with more jokes about dwarfs. Im 1.62m.

Some of my girl friends tried to help me, they presented some friends, and no interest from their part, some of them I know that they did not like something about me(Im a bit nerd, doing engineering só no surprise the alt girls or that did not like glasses didnt vibe with me, and again too short)

I went to parties, went to clubs, tried to join pretty much every Club that I could have an interest, with most of then being either ending up being the men version of the Club or In the ones that até mixed, was pretty much only guys and a few of their girlfriends or I was the only person in their twenties in the group.

From cycling to chess, from crosstitch to pokemon go, from RPG to painting, if a hobby in the capital I live in has a lot of women interested in it, there will be a women only group if it is mixed, all members will be past 30 or the one girl that joins will be watched like a hawk by all the guys and rarely return.

And its not just in my country, on year exchange in europe, same results or worse since I was even shorter

I go to the gym, people from all sexes (and genders) say my face is beatiful, I already got multiple, like once a party gay guys saying I look good. And still, bloody nothing from women.

I cant even say its a personality problem since I get wave nos before I even finish walking to the person or by just blinking at them. I get rejected at parties before I even open my mouth.

Im honestly at a loss, people say its not my height, while it is the common thread in like 4/5 rejections I know for sure the reason off, the girls I met there that became my friend even admitted that...

Im at my last semester at an engineering course, I have a good job with pay and even have my family car to use. Só honestly, what else should I do?

JohnaldJr21 · 2025-07-10T21:19:48+00:00

The only time I’ve ever been approached by a woman was back in high school where these group of girls were playing truth or dare before class and one of them was dared to ask me out on a date.

I really don’t care to lower my standards. I think people should be more picky about who they sleep with and who they end up marrying.

jpla86 · 2025-07-10T21:44:45+00:00

No, I'm not exaggerating. I never got approached.

Welcome to the world of being a below-average, non-white man.

petellapain · 2025-07-10T22:52:04+00:00

Humble brag. Just say you're tall and white. Most men don't experience this. Why rub it in

Alwaysnthered · 2025-07-10T21:22:17+00:00

Stop it, you are not "average".

I agree with others, there's no fucking way you are average AND get approached by good looking women with some frequency. You are 100% more attractive than you think you are, or maybe you fit the "female gaze" more than you think you are.

Accept the gift god has given you that most of us plebs will never experience and use it and not discount yourself.

back to your orignal question - I used to get approached in my old city - probably once every few months - usually by unnatractive women but on the rare occasion by a fairly good looking one (once every year or two)

in my current city, I've been appoached zero times, but have been given signals only after I start talking to the girl.

but I still get laid a fair amount, since I am good at talking to women when I'm feeling in the zone.

AMDisappointment · 2025-07-10T23:39:59+00:00

Never been approached at least. Literally.

RedPillDad · 2025-07-11T01:35:27+00:00

I've seen hungry eyes for the bulge in my pants... namely the wallet in my back pocket. It's a predatory glint, like a gypsy sizing up a mark. Getting that sort of attention really isn't better than being invisible.

Main_Aside_3072 · 2025-07-11T03:50:26+00:00

By the way yo wrote that, I feel like you're actually a women posing as a man.

But if you're not (doubt it), you're probably not average

Yes, if youre less than average you don't get approached by women. Shouldn't be difficult to understand if you are a man.

Exotic_Cheetah5918 · 2025-07-11T04:38:52+00:00

I am almost 28, and there has been exactly one woman in my entire life who expressed interest in me, and she is now my girlfriend. I am pretty confident that if we broke up for any reason, I would probably never be able to get another date in my life. I got the deadly combo of short and shy. I’ve done the most I can with my traits, but I’m just pretty universally unappealing.

webernicke · 2025-07-10T20:57:13+00:00

I consider myself pretty average

The fact that you felt the need to make this post illustrates that you are probably underestimating yourself

washington_breadstix · 2025-07-10T20:46:24+00:00

In my 20s, I pretty much never got blatantly approached by any woman I would've ever considered sleeping with.

This may not be the norm, but I went through kind of an insane glow-up in my early 30s. I grew out of my baby face, got a bit more muscular, finally was able to grow thick facial hair, and re-vamped my style. But since I didn't party all that hard in my 20s and mostly stayed out of the sun, I still have very youthful-looking skin.

All of a sudden, I was hot. To the point where I do actually get approached by women once in a while. By far the most enthusiastic attention tends to come from mid-20s girls, like 24-27. But the blatant approaches aren't super common and most are still rather subtle. Instead of trying to flirt with me directly, women will create opportunities for me to flirt with them.

And there's still a huge gulf between "getting approached" and "getting laid". If I want to convert an approach into a hook-up, the onus is definitely still on me to keep the proverbial ball in the air. I've absolutely still fumbled plenty of opportunities post-glow-up, and still had plenty of social outings where the effort I knew it would take to get laid was more effort than I was willing to put in.

Any time in my life where a woman initiated or flirted with me, they were always decently good looking.

I've also noticed that there isn't really a direct correlation between "hotness of girl" and whether she's willing to hook up, or even whether she's willing to be the first to approach. At least not in the way people stereotypically imagine.

Big-Sir7034 · 2025-07-10T23:18:00+00:00

By women, it’s once in a blue moon, but apart from one occasion, I almost always approach first

By men, it’s a lot more often. In-person I don’t get approached much really (maybe would be a different story if I frequented queer spaces) but online, my profile gets more attention from men for sure.

coiled-serpent · 2025-07-11T02:51:51+00:00

I would be approached on a semi-regular basis when I was younger and would go out drinking and partying. They'd randomly start talking to me, sometimes initiate physical contact (usually by leaning on me), then it'd take off from there.

This hasn't happened since I stopped drinking. I'm not sure how it would happen. I suppose I am still approached by women in grocery stores somewhat regularly, but it's always just them asking me to grab something off the top shelf for them, and it's usually an old lady.

ComprehensivePipe448 · 2025-07-10T19:56:04+00:00

Am confused on who this post is for , did u perhaps post this in the wrong subreddit, I don’t recall seeing lots of people on this subreddit claiming they don’t get laid , quite the opposite Ive had convo with people who claim they are redpill due to all the women they’ve slept with and are sleeping with currently

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Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2025-07-10T21:13:17+00:00

I have only matched with one woman on bumble ever, spoke to her for a while she ghosted me. She was attractive to me though overweight. My standards are already pretty low: 4 in terms of looks, Be kind and pleasant to be around, Have some ass, overweight is fine but not obese, do be bad with money, age 40 or less(I'm 23) and don't hold bigoted political beliefs, so I'm not sure if lowering them would really lead to better results. I've also never gotten laid aside from escorts

Ultramega39 · 2025-07-10T21:21:00+00:00

I've gotten approached a few times and have been asked out 3 times. All 3 times I have said no because it felt slightly suspicious to be asked out by someone who I've never spoken to before, also the third girl was clearly way too young for me.

I'm also a virgin by choice.

Few_School2680 · 2025-07-10T21:51:29+00:00

Yes I have been approached many times at college bars, clubs in recent years. Extroverted women can be overt especially when drinking is involved.

I don’t how common it is though only have my anecdotal experiences

Superannuated_punk · 2025-07-10T22:03:32+00:00

It has happened, it was just extraordinarily rare. I’ve had to do all the work if I ever wanted to hit on a woman.

Ive been bluntly propositioned once. I was so shocked I nearly dropped my drink.

GKilat · 2025-07-10T22:11:23+00:00

Looking back in high school, I was just dense and some close female classmate of mine did seem to express interest in me but I was too focused on my crush to notice. Even in college some girls did express interest which actually lead to my ex to initiate on me. I can say that I am at least attractive enough for some women to express interest in me. I consider myself as average though there was a point in time when I thought I was unattractive especially when I was younger.

That said, I am not in a rush to be in a relationship. My breakup with my ex taught me that being in a relationship isn't all sunshine and rainbows but a responsibility and can be very demanding. So I am just enjoying the single life at the moment because all of the peace and freedom of being single will come to an end once I find the woman that wants to be with me.

Clutterboxx · 2025-07-11T02:28:22+00:00

For a long while yeah nobody would approach me, even when I was good looking. They'd just sort of hover or give out ambiguous signals. When I hung out with my gf or female friends they'd get approached by men when I wasn't near, never had something like that happen to me.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2025-07-11T09:49:43+00:00

> I consider myself pretty average

I bet you underestimate big time

Popeoath · 2025-07-11T13:10:16+00:00

Whenever I don't have status I effectively do not exist.

James_M_Croft · 2025-07-11T13:49:43+00:00

That doesn't even sound like a successful guy, it sounds like a woman who is trying to pass as a man.

Not once I met a man who has ease with the market, not even the top guys. We all share our stories.

We all spend a good part of our lives into the pursuit of sex. The difference is what each person gets mostly, no woman approaches, we all get sex through great effort... some guys get once every week, others once every decade. Not one say it is easy, ever.

Not even when bragging, cause we all can call this bullshit.

And if you don't think men will fuck basically anything that is neither fat or old (or somethings crazy)... you haven't been around men much.

Odd_Quit_8905 · 2025-07-11T18:16:07+00:00

I get kissed, go on dates, and have a really good success rate at clubs and parties but I don’t want to sleep with a woman that isn’t my wife or future wife. I prize faithfulness and purity in women in terms of looking for a partner, and I 100% hold myself to the same standard. I’m pretty serious about my faith - not a fundamentalist but still.

Women don’t really approach men, unless they’re super familiar, it’s a very specific situation (this has happened to me like twice), or they’re just straight up very promiscuous.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-07-11T19:56:09+00:00

If what you describe about your situations is true you are well above average to be certain, for most men that would be a once in a lifetime experience.

As for myself women cannot feel attraction towards me.

SuperSpartan13 · 2025-07-11T21:24:21+00:00

no exaggeration.

edit: actually I was approached one when I was 12-14, i said yes, and the girl I actually had a crush on gave her 10 bucks because it was a dare. so that was fun

champion_azure · 2025-07-12T11:35:45+00:00

I don't think the men here are exaggerating.

Difficult question to answer considering the sub rules. Further, it is difficult with regards to what you mean by average, are there 50% of the people more attractive, and around 50% less, or is it the tinder study average, were 20% are more attractive and 80% less.

No, never been approached, nor been on a date, I'm OK with that, I've said before: it's the gaslighting that bugs me.

Worldly_Rip_6004 · 2025-07-12T20:33:17+00:00

You instantly can see controversial posts on this sub with the upvote/comments ratio lol. I guess you had what you want.

SyrusDrake · 2025-07-12T22:20:50+00:00

I'm 34 and I've never had a woman show even a hint of attraction towards me. If they acknowledge me, it usually ranges from slight irritation to mild disgust. The ones I have social relationships with usually like me okay, but in an overtly platonic way. I've even been outright told, multiple times, that they really like me but could never possibly see me in a sexual light.

The idea a woman could not only desire me but openly make moves towards me is completely alien, on a similar level as trying to imagine four spatial dimensions.

Ego73 · 2025-07-10T22:07:50+00:00

A few women (and one guy) have expressed interest, mostly when I was younger, though there was one this year.

None of them were women I was into, so I guess it has to do with my standards. There was one I was willing to give a chance bc we were close friends already when I was 16. I eventually decided against it, and I feel like I dodged a bullet given her strong feminist views.

Meanwhile, taking into account the times I actually approached women first, there's a success rate of literally zero.

HighestTech · 2025-07-10T20:31:04+00:00

This sub is very skewed sample. You don't usually dive deep into a topic if everything in your life is going well in that area. People tend to analyze relationships when they haven't been able to build them naturally.

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-07-10T23:47:32+00:00

It's mostly luck. It's never happened to me when I was actively trying.

ConsistentPieGuy · 2025-07-10T22:14:19+00:00

No? I'm not exaggerating. I'm not a woman, I don't have the privilege of sitting and waiting for people to come to me. I'm not sexually objectified, I'm not complimented. I can't post a pic of myself online and have women sliding into my dms or saying I look sexy in the comments. When I match with women on dating

"If you were to lower your physical standards"

How would doing that make women want to approach me?

coiled-serpent · 2025-07-11T02:37:47+00:00

I did on a semi-regular basis when I was younger and would go out drinking and partying. It hasn't happened since I stopped.

preferablyno · 2025-07-11T04:35:37+00:00

If I’m honest my frustration is more that while I’ve always done fairly well with women my sex drive outpaced that until like my 30s

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LoopyPro · 2025-07-10T20:26:00+00:00

As an average looking dude, the only time I got cold-approached with zero effort on my end was when an overweight or exceptionally ugly woman did it.

LimbBisquet · 2025-07-11T00:55:45+00:00

The problem isn’t their actual looks. The problem is that so many men think so lowly of themselves. They think they see ugly, unattractive, undesirable, etc. And in a way the universe picks up that message and blasts it through the cosmic waves for everyone to hear. In other words, women pick up on a man’s low self esteem and she concludes that he is actually ugly and undesirable.

The other way around works too. Think of yourself as hot and you will be hot.

ConsistentPieGuy · 2025-07-11T00:01:58+00:00

No, I am a man. A non-white man at that. Those things do not happen to me.

Why? Because I'm not a woman, aka the sexual selector. I have no power, I do not get sexually objectified, I do not get compliments. I am not the prize, women are. I've learned that this is how it works, has always worked in the past, and will continue to work forever.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-07-10T20:06:19+00:00

Do you actually NEVER get laid or approached, or are you exaggerating?

I do get laid within a tolerable frequency (more is always better, generally speaking, but it's enough I suppose) but I had to work towards that circumstance – a lot actually.

As far as being approached by women goes:

I believe that's something only very few men are privileged to experience, and I'm just not one of them. In other words, I never had a woman proactively asking me for my number, socials or date.

However, I do get unmistakably IOIs fairly frequently, I wonna say ever 2-3 months or so.

What do I mean by that?

Dental assistants my age are extra nice to me and secretly hand me company-owned items that I’m supposed to slip into my jacket when leaving the practice. Not samples — I’m talking about full-sized, high-quality toothpastes, whole bottles of mouthwash, or premium dental floss.
A bakery saleswoman (whom I had never seen before) gives me free pastries in the morning and blushes during our interaction.
In study groups, it occasionally happens that a woman who’s into me will actively and constantly try to touch my legs with hers. And honestly, that’s something I’ve experienced multiple times before.

HandCoversBruises · 2025-07-10T22:18:33+00:00

I did get signs of interest from a couple girls in college, but they were either 1. Ugly (3/10 or lower), or 2. morbidly obese and badly proportioned, so ugly body-wise. So obviously I wasn’t attracted to them and didn’t pursue anything. Life just sucks ass for some of us guys because we were given a raw deal. What’re ya gonna do?

Title	Do you actually NEVER get laid or approached, or are you exaggerating?
Author	Reasonable_Mouse789
Upvotes	0
Comments	251
Date	July 10, 2025 7:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lwm7ue/do_you_actually_never_get_laid_or_approached_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-actually-never-get-laid-or-approached-or.1556817 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556817

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