Is the bar really “in hell”?

Capeninja · 2023-01-22T02:52:46+00:00

The bar is in hell for men who are charming and attractive. For men who aren't it's in space.

Former-Strategy-8213 · 2023-01-21T21:24:59+00:00

No, the bar is not in hell for everyone. That phrase is mostly reserved for women that settle for shitty deals in a relationship or are easily impressed by stuff that is the minimum in a healthy relationship. Doesn’t mean all of us would swoon that a guy made sure his partner consented to sex or accept some dude that leaves skid marks on the sheets.

MegaGigaTeraBased · 2023-01-22T07:42:33+00:00

The bar is in hell for the select few men who meet women's extremely high standards for physical attractiveness. For all other men, the bar is quite literally impossible to overcome.

kokokimoo · 2023-01-21T20:40:59+00:00

The bar is where you set it.

Girls will complain the “bar is in hell” and then continue to accept that type of treatment. They’ll complain their bf/boytoy only wants to hang at night or won’t take them to go see a movie, but these women continue to fuck & suck them instead of leaving??

If you don’t like how someone is treating you, communicate your needs and see what they do. If they don’t give a shit and won’t change shit, it is now up to you to decide if you will stay and accept this behavior or leave. Most women who choose to stay and accept shitty behavior is bc the guy is hot/exciting/etc.

jellybeanzandtings · 2023-01-21T21:46:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Magnito-was-right · 2023-01-22T02:19:30+00:00

We accept the love we think we deserve. If your parents destroyed your self esteem as a child you seek it out as an adult because it’s comfortable.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T20:41:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

armpitpics · 2023-01-21T20:33:41+00:00

If you visit a subreddit with hundreds of thousands of subscribers if not millions, you will find at least one outrageous story about some dude not wiping his ass properly. This isn't a representative of real life standards for most people. If it was, it wouldn't be worth mentioning in a forum.

Also, you can have very low standards for certain qualities while having high standards for some others, which means the bar might be in hell for certain women who select for certain traits.

Safinated · 2023-01-21T22:50:18+00:00

A more accurate sentiment would be “women are told we should expect the bar to be in hell”.

This is why any parenting or equal household management done by a man is viewed as exceptional and noteworthy

Some women don’t know that the bar is in hell, believe it’s normal, or are sufficiently downtrodden or desperate to believe they deserve a hell bar

saraimarsena · 2023-01-21T23:04:34+00:00

people seem to fail to realize that if they keep dating men who barely treat them right, then they themselves are the common denominator.

the problem is that there is a massive amount of women that accept pitifully low treatment, and there’s many possible reasons for that. perhaps these women have pitifully low self esteem, or they’re complete walking red flags themselves. or perhaps their partner is fairly attractive, or pleases them sexually so much to the point that these women convince themselves that they’re “dickmatized”.

for whatever reason, it’s almost a bragging point for some women how “trash” their partners are, so they get off on talking about it to other people. these women forget that it reflects extremely poorly on themselves as well.

throwawaylessons103 · 2023-01-21T21:50:44+00:00

This question is multi-layered.

First, yeah, women are often guided and blinded by their feelings. They'll posture like they'll only accept a guy who is xyz, but put a confident, charming, charismatic guy with decent looks (sometimes not even that) in front of her and standards for everything else go down the toilet.

Some men are simply good daters, doesn't mean they'd be good partners. But women often hold onto those early stages even when the man has gotten comfortable, so quits trying.

Second, a lot of women are passive when it comes to dating and aren't filtering enough on the important stuff. If his house/apartment looks like a frat house, that's less likely to change if y'all move in. If it's date 3 and he's already being pushy about sex despite you saying you'd like to take it slow, that's unlikely to change.

A lot of women are passive, and especially average looking women (sidenote: ACTUAL average women, 5'4 170lbs in the US, average salary etc... Not the "average" woman who's thin, pretty, and feminine according to PPD dudes) will latch onto the 1st couple guys who give her a good feeling and a lot of attention.

Unfortunately these days, a lot of the "good guys" are more introverted, shy, and aren't social enough to spark a connection immediately with many women. They'll solely rely on dating apps to meet women, when their photos are meh and they know the ratios are awful. They'd do a lot better in person if they built up their social skills, but they don't have the confidence.

voidofconscious · 2023-01-22T04:30:42+00:00

If the bar is in hell, then hell must be floating about ten miles up in the air lmao.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T21:12:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

volante_wannabe · 2023-01-22T04:19:39+00:00

the bar is extremely low for the top 10% obviously, fds will never want you

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T20:27:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2023-01-22T03:30:59+00:00

”my friend has this idiot boyfriend. He’s lazy, has no job and get this, she has to constantly wash the sheets as he sleeps naked and leaves skid marks. On HER sheets. I’ve told her to get rid of him but she says he’s an amazing guy”

I don't believe this actually happens. I've heard of this. No dude is that gross, unless there is a medical problem or perhaps special needs. I just feel this is some sort of urban legend they made up.

Historical-System972 · 2023-01-23T09:10:22+00:00

The bar for morality, which women like to pretend is the only standard they have - I just want a nice, respectful guy - is in hell. Of course, moral character was never considered a must-have for women when it came to selecting a mate. Hell, it's not even a particularly valued trait because, well... women are just hairless apes at the end of the day, same as men. The trouble is they refuse to accept that.

The bar for the stuff that actually matters, namely looks, is somewhere in the stratosphere.

caobozo · 2023-01-21T21:52:31+00:00

it's not being chad in his ultimate form, it's just being with women that were raised to believe that if a man doesn't cheat and insult you directly and sometimes does a dish, that he's a catch (even though he shat in your bed once) i do think this is changing though

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-01-22T00:38:50+00:00

Society has low standards for men when it comes to domestic duties and cleanliness, I think that’s why the phrase exists.

Men who are active with their children is seen as extraordinary when it should be the bare minimum.

Men who clean their own homes is seen as extraordinary when it should be the bare minimum.

Men who care about their partners orgasm is seen as extraordinary when it should be the bare minimum.

These are all normal things but for ages men we’re expected to be the bread winners and nothing else so the saying is I think acknowledging societies inability to adjust. Men not wiping their ass? Those chicks are just desperate sorry not sorry.

velvetalocasia · 2023-01-21T22:04:15+00:00

Oh for sure, the bar is in hell.

When I look at the guys my girlfriends are married to, I‘m baffled.

One of them did a grocery shop with his 2 kids, as his wife was out of town. That was 5 years ago and he tells the story to this day…..like a war story. He shopped groceries one time with list from his wife and she had to write the items down in the order that he will pass them in the supermarket.

Another guy needs his suitcases packed by his wife, no matter where he goes, holiday or traveling for work, she has to pack for him, in put together outfits.

These guys are neither dumb nor inexperienced…..just unwilling if you ask me.

My girlfriends are utterly baffled that my husband goes grocery shopping and I do not have to tell him what to get. He although cooks and does laundry…..they go feral about how great he is. And don’t get me wrong, my husband is great but this is basic life shit and he is an adult, so it shouldn’t be unprecedented that he is able to do this things.

AutoModerator · 2023-01-21T18:43:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

neetykeeno · 2023-01-22T01:26:32+00:00

Well...way back when, once a guy had a girl he could let his standards lapse to like whatever and she was stuck with him because marriage was forever. A lot of guys have always used that to just become pigs once they are married. And idk whether it is culture or a situation that evolution has brought men to so they best exploit what patriarchy offered or pure human selfishness but a lot of guys stick with that roadmap. Well behaved in courtship, pigs once it becomes difficult to leave.

I personally feel women have to stop sticking to the relationships are forever script, stop making excuses for men, and kick men to the curb more often even if it means a sizable number of women don't have a man.

And no it isn't "Chad" pulling this shit, it is ordinary guys. Chad keeps himself fuckable he doesn't spend all day with shit on his puckered starfish. It's guys for whom not having shit on their puckered starfish was a burden to start with who do this. Guys whose mothers also had a problem with them but sure as shit didn't warn the girl that he was only temporarily lifting his game because mom wanted rid of the son and the stained sheets too.

-Bazuso- · 2023-01-22T01:54:51+00:00

So basically Chad can leave stank booty marks on his girls sheets but i need to be perfect to the T. If this ain’t enough reason for you to through the kitchen sink at looksmaxing then idk what will.

Waiting for the “well duh of course hot guy have easy life 🤤” comments

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-01-22T03:01:38+00:00

Childish + productive testosterone is fine by me honey,

Childish and lazy/dirty isn't

The former reminds me of my daddy, he was stupid genius, kept us on our toes, strong marriage and plenty of fun to be had, big stupid risk taker and always keeping mom active and happy, a real party thrower and productive with his energy, by definition most would find him childish in personality, but what a man he was

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-01-22T17:13:10+00:00

Women tend to do the most for men they are really attracted to. I read threads about women dealing with boyfriends who don't wipe their asses and brush their teeth, but the first thing they tell men who are struggling with dating is to have good hygiene. They assume that all men are dirty because the guys they like are dirty.

WYenginerdWY · 2023-01-22T01:53:54+00:00

The bar is really only in hell if you're a woman with some standards and self respect. The kind that would absolutely not tolerate shit stains on the bedding.

Men have been slower to catch up to equality than women because frankly, it doesn't benefit them the way it does women. This means there genuinely are not enough egalitarian-minded, capable men, with kind hearts and feminist outlooks on consent etc to go around. Plain and simple, there aren't.

As a woman, you're then left with a choice - do I compromise and get a man who respects my physical boundaries/works/something else but needs to wash his ass crack better or do I stay single and abandon the prospect of creating my own family?

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T20:23:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KissCutMe · 2023-01-21T21:39:12+00:00

This is a strange post. Why are half the comments deleted by a mod?

The bar is in hell. Google weaponized incompetence.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T20:26:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GooseneckRoad · 2023-01-21T23:41:55+00:00

I feel bad for other women who believe that the bar is in hell. I would never date anyone who isn't a functioning adult, and these stories are an admission of dating a childish loser, unfortunately. Do not date an incompetent man.

jellybeanzandtings · 2023-01-21T23:23:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TeraCoomer · 2023-01-22T00:12:16+00:00

The bar for maintaining a relationship/maintaining interest with a woman is low. The bar for catching the interest of a woman is very, very, very high. Women are always talking about the former because they will always have male interest towards them, the only part where they have to put in any effort is maintaining a relationship/interest so it goes beyond a short term fling. Men are talking about the latter because that is where most men stumble because the bar is very high for it.

Due-Lie-8710 · 2023-01-22T10:45:08+00:00

its larping , its not that its the bare minimum to be nice and respectful and not raping will make them like yiu, it doesnt matter at all, your morality and whether you treat women good or not doesnt actual give you any points, it doesnt matter, what matters is how you make them feel and that has little to do with your intention or actions but how are perceived , as much as women say that, its their actions that matter, now there are good relationships out there but usually those relationships are form from people who knew each other in their formative years or in a social setting that they commonly go to, whether they work in the same place or go to the same church or have the same gym schedule, if you are approaching a random stranger, it rarely goes well , its not the bar is in hell, is that there is no specific bar in terms of personality and being a good person

MullNad2 · 2023-01-22T17:16:13+00:00

Depends really. Do you look liek Chris Hemsworth, Pitt, Depp, Phoenix etc? If so, you're a Chad and you can get any women you want.

Do you not? Then it's over. Despite what women may or may not say, I suggest you never look at what they say but watch what they do.

DeJuanBallard · 2023-01-22T17:42:27+00:00

Bro, y did u make this post, who is this for?

TheMedsPeds · 2023-01-22T00:15:54+00:00

Yes! So many man children that literally just sit around and game all day, play around on the internet, drugs, drinking, etc. No bathing, no chores, no career ambitions. I hear you guys talk about "chicks won't fuck dudes making under 100k" and that's something I've NEVER experienced. In my groups, we are just happy if they can manage to not walk out of or get fired from ANY job.

I am in my 30's and my bar is "please work full time and keep your eyes open for a job if you make less than $10 an hour" and it's not just me, my friends have similar problems with their men. I see women begging all the time about the guy glued to his computer for months after he lost his job and isn't looking because he's "depressed" while the women do ALL the house work and work a job/s. I got one week off after my husband died. I got 1 day off after my best friend committed suicide a year after I lost my husband. Depression sucks, but I don't have the option of "lounging around for months because of depression" get your ass to a doctor and start looking for the right med. If I didn't go to my job I would have lost my house and been homeless. So I'd go cry in the bathroom once or twice a day, suck it up and went back to my desk. It's called being an adult and providing for yourself.

These men do it because they CAN. Because someone is enabling them. A lot of the time it's the mothers, who don't want to be empty nesters so they baby their adult man children well into their 20's and when they get a GF they just think "oh she will do all that". I refuse to be that person. Move back in with your fucking Mom if all you are going to do is lounge around all day. If I wanted kids, I would have gotten pregnant by now. I don't, I want someone to pull half the weight around the house and if you want me to do it all, well get a job that pays well enough for me to work part time (i'd personally never be a SAHW, but def would be cool working like 20 hours somewhere).

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-01-21T20:59:44+00:00

How many men wait until marriage? Not many.

How many men are able and willing to support a wife and 3 kids so the wife can stay home comfortably? Not many.

How many men are chivalrous? Not many.

How many men don’t watch porn? Not many.

How many men have faith that guides them? Not many.

If I say I want a man who is waiting until marriage, is able and willing for me to SAHM, is chivalrous, doesn’t watch porn, and is religious, then MEN tell me my standards are too high. MEN tell me I am not attractive enough to want those things since I don’t look like a supermodel. MEN tell me that those kinds of men don’t exist or are few and far between.

Plus, men write manifestos about how ugly, unattractive, and old women are. They are bald, fat, over age 50, and don’t make a salary to support a sugar baby or even a family of 5, but have the audacity to write an essay about how a 35 year old woman is undesirable.

The bar is in hell.

Willow-girl · 2023-01-22T00:49:46+00:00

One of my man's favorite lines is, "I used soap, just for you!"

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T20:33:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jellybeanzandtings · 2023-01-22T01:30:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

James_Cruse · 2023-01-22T02:31:18+00:00

What these women that are complaining about these men are really saying is:

“I’ve got the most physically attractive man I can get, who has the most going for him, more than my other male options. But he does things that are dirty or unusal or unacceptable. I stay with him because I know that as a woman, I can’t do better than but I can’t admit that directly.”

godworksout · 2023-01-22T02:34:26+00:00

Women set the standards. Men could be whatever women want them to be.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-21T20:26:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sophiatab · 2023-01-22T21:39:17+00:00

Yes, the bar really is "in hell." Men claim they struggle to even get a date. The truth is they only ask out (or even pay attention to) women way out of their league.

wtknight · 2023-01-21T22:01:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jellybeanzandtings · 2023-01-22T00:14:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

revente · 2023-01-22T03:14:29+00:00

Shower thought: maybe this is being Chad in his ultimate form, being able to shit in a woman’s bed and she still wants you.

No. These are just nastyass chicks from a ghetto.

EBZ1722 · 2023-01-22T03:47:04+00:00

The bar is so low in part because women fought so hard to destroy the existing social contract and the assigned roles of men in collective societies. When you remove their stake entirely what reason do many of these men have to try? There is none, this is why breaking the social contract is such a pervasive threat to the continued functioning of our civilization.

ggkkggk · 2023-01-22T13:21:53+00:00

The bar is really low for a lot of people they could have a lot to it low self-esteem low expectations or just low energy.

The things that matter the most are temperaments, intentions, and experiences because these things mold us, unfortunately, you're not going to see those in the first 10 minutes or 15 minutes it will actually take you some time to learn these things and when you do, that person might not begin to you or you might not be into them.

someone can easily be misguided because of where you so happen to live n could be seeing a lot of the same things that can make them feel a type of way, it's a sucky explanation but that's just how it is.

The grass can be green on the other side, the someones that you unfortunately the meeting will I not be the very definition of what's out there.

indigo_pirate · 2023-01-22T13:53:27+00:00

This sub mostly talks about dating at face value. The post is more about hidden issues and lifestyle problems that will prop up much later. Comparing to completely different bars

Title	Is the bar really “in hell”?
Author	Rowanisnotagirlsname
Upvotes	137
Comments	269
Date	January 21, 2023 6:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10hy9ca/is_the_bar_really_in_hell/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-the-bar-really-in-hell.1149461 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149461

Comments