It is true all women want different things in a guy but the preferences are quite one dimensional.

Haunting-Ad-8603 · 2021-06-09T14:01:25+00:00

Women do want different things in a guy but it's quite one dimensional. It's all about how he makes her feel and secondly how useful he is to her.

So it’s 2 dimensional? I would argue that those things equally apply to what men want in a woman… how she makes him feel and how useful she is to him (whether it’s emotionally, intellectually, sexually, domestically, financially, etc.).

Is a guy going to want to date a woman who makes him feel indifferent about her or like shit? Probably not. Is a guy going to date a woman he has NO use for whatsoever? (even sexually or financially). No.

Demasii · 2021-06-09T10:58:04+00:00

It's all about how he makes her feel and secondly how useful he is to her.

Technically that's multi dimensional.

Feeling is love and usefulness is the practicality of the relationship for the long term.

What else can women look for in men?

Mimoxs · 2021-06-09T11:02:41+00:00

It's all about how he makes her feel and secondly how useful he is to her.

Are men any different in any way whatsoever. This is literally just human nature. It's not gendered

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2021-06-09T21:56:06+00:00

I've said this before. Women will be like

"I like 5ft 11 blonde hair handsome guy with no tattoos, and my friend prefers the 6ft 3 dark haired tanned handsome guy with tattoos. See we're all different teehee".

Having a difference of opinion on which chad is hotter is not "women are all different".

What you'll never hear is any of them saying they have a preference for a 5ft 6 narrow shouldered bald guy with glasses, a recessed chin and a big nose.

Physical attractive is mostly objective, women who pretend otherwise is disingenuous.

wtknight · 2021-06-09T12:13:24+00:00

I don’t think that the preferences you list are “one-dimensional”, so I reject this premise of your argument. I think that the main thing a woman like is a guy who is “fun.” Fun can come in many dimensions, and a man who one woman thinks is fun might be boring to some women, or too dangerous to other women, and that guy will thus really have no chance with that woman, no matter how physically attractive he is.

For instance, a guy who wants to go to wine tastings a lot might be considered fun to one woman, but boring to another. On the other hand, a guy who wants a woman to ride on the back of his motorcycle with him at 90 mph might be fun to the woman who doesn’t want to go wine tasting, but too dangerous to the one who does. Women’s preferences in men can vary quite a bit and are never one-dimensional how I see it.

I think that it’s men who tend to be more one-dimensional in what attracts them - that she’s hot and that she’s good in bed. It’s only when a man mellows and starts wanting to settle down that he gets more selective and multi-dimensional in what he prefers.

OSfrogs · 2021-06-09T12:06:51+00:00

Neurotic nerdy average looking guys are unattractive. Attractive guys who are autistic do fine believe me im autistic and short while I know a 6'5 autistic guy that gets lots of attention from women.

BlueHellion93 · 2021-06-09T12:49:53+00:00

So they expect men to bring something to the table in a relationship? I expect a woman to do the same.

blue_dandelions · 2021-06-09T10:39:09+00:00

Lol yes obviously anti social Autists are not attractive to most women...

Next shit post pls

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-06-09T10:34:03+00:00

Autistic men have a fertility ratio of about 0.2

That's atrocious

_that_dam_baka_ · 2021-06-09T12:48:37+00:00

For the most part: yep. Except this isn't gendered at all.

.

No one wants a disabled partner. Some people settle for them because they bring other stuff to the table.

Particularly for a relationship other women (her friends) need to approve of her boyfriend otherwise she can't date him.

What the Frick are you reading? Is this from a book about the female hive mind? 😂😂😂

That makes attractiveness objective but it just ain't one thing.

Nope. It's sounds like the American archetype.

marigoldmilk · 2021-06-09T12:15:27+00:00

Nothing is that simple my guy

DeathByZanpakuto11 · 2021-06-09T12:42:28+00:00

how useful he is to her

Now that sounds pretty one dimensional and pretty misleading.....

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-06-09T13:56:35+00:00

Much like men, women in general have a set of requirements AND preferences. I agree that you don't have to be Chad, but Chad's Chang's Mohammad's Tyrone's appeal is ubiquitous amongst most women. As long as you're congruent in your masculinity, you'll attractive femininity.

ItsOK_IgotU · 2021-06-09T13:08:34+00:00

It’s weird that we (all of us) constantly have to see these types of posts here every single day... telling women “men know what you want better than you do”...

Food for thought... you or someone else might think that “reddit guys” have little luck with women because “wOmaNs sTAnDaRds” and “wOmAns aTtrAcTiOn”, but the truth of the matter is, we (women) can see just exactly how you guys talk about #allwomen, all day long on social media.

Whether it be Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, or various other platforms... but you guys (the ones who do this) cannot see, or understand that the way you talk poorly about women, by making blanket statements about all of us, and then defending your words and actions by claiming you know better than we do... isn’t attractive... honestly it’s no wonder why guys who act like that... have what seems to be very little luck in terms of not only dating women, but even simple, every day interactions.

I’ve said it... idk how many times... Not all women want a “fratboy bodybuilding handsome Chad” or an “ATM”.... and most definitely not all of us dislike/hate/aren’t attracted to “nerds”, “out of shape”, “short”, “small penis having”, or autistic (🙄) guys.

But you can be sure, none of us actually want dudes who talk down to us, act like they know better than us (especially when it comes to things we know), treat us as if we are a second option, gaslight/manipulate, act controlling, are negative beyond reason, throw themselves pity parties (constantly... like a lot of guys in this sub tbf), talk badly about other women, or punk us into believing this fake version of them... when in reality they are nearly all of the things I have stated above.

Men here can say, over and over again, how much they know about women, but to be honest, I feel like majority of you really have no clue... not even basics, or the obvious. But you can keep blaming women for your lack of communication, confidence or (as you guys call it) “game”, truthfulness, helpfulness, and overall, in general the qualities that actually make a person desirable and a worth while partner.

Also, just to add, no my partner isn’t some “fratboy bodybuilding handsome Chad”. He is handsome and in my eyes, perfect (for me). He is obviously taller than me (because I am 5’1”), entertaining, comical/funny, expressive and full of interests that he is absolutely excited for, has depression, and has autism.

So instead lumping every single female into a category, and attempting to put words into our mouths because you need to fulfill your own bias narrative (based on your experiences with women who weren’t interested in you)... look in the mirror and decide if you are a person that you’d date, or show interest in. If you think you’re “perfect” and there isn’t any need for improvement... well think again, as everyone can stand to improve in a lot of areas. Nobody is perfect.

Majority of us do not sit here and spout on about”#allmen are disgusting, egotistical, selfish, entitled pigs”... so STOP doing it about women. Ffs.

sohcahtoa666 · 2021-06-09T11:03:48+00:00

Women do all like the same thing in men. They are far less diversified in what they find attractive than men. Everybody knows this.

jacemano · 2021-06-09T11:57:35+00:00

As an Autist who dates very successfully, I think you need to reassess

aquamanouttawater · 2021-06-09T11:33:03+00:00

Yep. Men are pretty much forced into a very rigid box just to be seen as attractive, all while most women give them the same “be yourself” advice. And the qualities that are valued are usually more superficial and materialistic than qualities that actually matter long term. The fact sociopaths and psychopaths do better than your average kind hearted man really says alot about what women value in relationships.

Os2099 · 2021-06-09T12:55:26+00:00

From their POV, they have many options so they can choose the best. Which makes sense, that's until they get older and there options are much smaller so they settle.

blueXcat · 2021-06-09T17:36:39+00:00

Well, everyone is in a relationship for what they do to them. Relationships aren't to make someone else happy

Mental health issues are an issue for anyone who have one. I have bpd myself and it leads to a lot of rejection too

Or they use you for sex

Anyone will want someone they connect with. Our vagina, and your penis, isn't supposed to be for charity

shadowcandee · 2021-06-09T11:28:46+00:00

I hate bodybuilding chads. Anything with big muscles is a big no go for me. I met my nerdy reddit loving bf on ps and didn’t know what he looked like, he ain’t rich at all, found out he was a ginger with acne scars on his face, I still think he’s handsome and wouldn’t want it any other way. I consider myself a pretty girl and have been hit on by many “chads” but no, not for me so no, this is not an accurate representation of all females. Oh and I never asked my friends for their opinion or acceptance.

Dominemm · 2021-06-09T13:17:17+00:00

I was with you until you said the female social circle approves. I think men’s friend groups are more influential in the relationship because a woman’s “value” is in her looks.

It’s literally a meme that a woman may hesitate to show her friends pictures of the guy she’s dating because he may be not the most conventionally attractive. (Ex. “I promise he’s cuter in person, he just takes bad pictures”)

It’s also a meme that “this is my man and I don’t care how he looks I’m gonna love him” and damn what the group chat says.

Also note that women often complain that they lost their friend when she got into a relationship but we’ve all heard that “Saturday’s are for the boys.”

randomfartz · 2021-06-09T14:23:55+00:00

There are a couple of issues with OP's argument:

The reason friend approval is important for women is that we have a different kind of relationship with other women. Most guys I know do not have the same level of emotional connection with their male friends. I tend to get swept up when I like someone, and thus ignore their red flags. While I wouldn't stop dating someone because my friends disliked him, I would still take their feedback into account, especially if they point out things I may have missed or ignored. But the decision is still mine on whether these red flags are a dealbreaker.
I am a huge nerd myself, so I have a preference for nerdy boys
Attractiveness is SO subjective, there is no "universally unattractive". My friends and I have completely different taste in men in terms of looks, personality, etc.
People (guys) on reddit only post when they have a negative experience. Most people wouldn't post on reddit to be like, hey, I'm an average looking guy, but I'm successful with women! So it doesn't make sense to extrapolate the experience of a certain group of people to the general population.
Further, the same goes for women. It is not fair to assume that "what is attractive to women is quite universal with little exception" because you don't know for a fact what every woman wants in a partner. OP is also discounting women that are not cis-gendered or straight.
What does "how he makes her feel, and how useful he is to her" have anything to do with looks? OP's first sentence is already contrary to the rest of the argument which mostly focuses on physical attributes and other generalizations. "Boring risk averse average guys, well they're never first choice either." Boring risk averse guys can still make me feel special (how he makes her feel) and be useful (helping out, providing support, etc).
Women are not one dimensional creatures, looks and money have nothing to do with how a guy makes them feel, and how useful they are in the relationship. There is also the assumption that women attribute usefulness of a partner to money, which is definitely not true in this day and age. They could be rich af and still be completely a useless asshat, the two are not mutually exclusive. OP is also insulting men by saying that all they have to offer women is their looks and money.

Edit: Grammer, clarity

cowfishAreReal · 2021-06-09T12:50:32+00:00

What do you even consider a non one dimentional reason to date someone?

Not to mention that in groups of girl friends usually the only thing required for all of the other girls to like someone's bf is that person saying "I really like him". And the best way to get all the friends to hate him is making their friend cry. It's really not that complicated

What do you mean by "neurotic nerdy guys"? My bf is nerdy, scared like a chicken, and shorter than average. And not only I love him, but all of my friends think he's cool. We don't live in a high school movie, those archetypes aren't real

Radio_Unique · 2021-06-09T13:39:49+00:00

Woman like different type of men, on different stage of their life.

When Virgin, they might like serious type When at their peak season, might want a wild yolo man when ready for marriage, a gentleman type

midwestufohunter · 2021-06-09T17:38:51+00:00

Human beings are not "one dimensional".

If *you* view other groups of human beings as one dimensional, it's because of a bias you have against that group that prevents you from understanding or empathizing with them.

Babykinnsxoxo · 2021-06-09T11:57:37+00:00

Being sapiosexual AF, I totally discard the fact that women don't find nerd guys attractive. I am only attracted to hot STEM nerd guys

DemocraticDystopia · 2021-06-09T14:05:18+00:00

Wrong way around, it's preferences that are individual and wants/needs that are universal.

yellowydaffodil · 2021-06-09T16:50:38+00:00

It seems like you're putting women into a box that is really just indicative of people in general.

First of all, all people want someone they find attractive. That's the whole point of dating. Nobody is like "look at this person I think is ugly, I'm gonna date them."

Plenty of women date men their friends don't like, it's basically a trope at this point. I will say they usually turn out to be abusive, which brings me to my next point...

NOBODY likes neurotic nerdy guys. That's why they don't have friends (of either sex) either. There's nothing wrong with being nerdy, but being neurotic is just a negative trait, no matter how you boil it down. Nobody likes neurotic girls either. Frankly, autistic men of both sexes have written at length about how hard it is to find a partner.

To me, it sounds like you're saying "Women don't like toxic nerdy people, and instead want people they like" and are portraying it as a bad thing.

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Physiologist21 · 2021-06-09T16:07:08+00:00

Depends where they are in their life of course.

18 year old becky wants slightly different things then 32 year old karen

Not really though.

Elevatedheart · 2021-06-09T17:22:43+00:00

Your referring to very young women that have no life experience that differs from mature women. Specify the age of the women your reference..

Shirts_Pants · 2021-06-09T19:39:10+00:00

Blackpillers aren't always wrong but personality and sense of humor also play a huge role in how a guy makes a woman feel. Being neurotic and nerdy alone are not attractive traits but they are often compensated by other qualities.

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-06-09T21:19:10+00:00

You've cited two different dimensions in this description of what's "one dimensional". But men evaluate women in the exact same ways. How she makes him feel about himself and how "useful" she is in terms of not being high maintenance or overly demanding (and perhaps even having some practical skills). Also, as a woman happily married to a "neurotic nerdy" "Reddit guy" I take some exception to your claims ;-)

InitialArgument1662 · 2021-06-10T05:07:49+00:00

Obviously neurotic anybody is unattractive — it’s an objectively unattractive quality. It’s not fair to genderize this preference, because I don’t know any man that says he wants a woman who’s neurotic either. That’s a really annoying trait and in a relationship it tends to manifest in stressful and destructive ways. No one wants to have a partner that is going to freak out over every little thing they do. It’s feels like claustrophobia and robs one of their freedoms. Moving on...

Your argument about women wanting a man who is attractive is a truism — no shit, Sherlock. No man on here is saying they’re dying to have a hideous, deformed girlfriend either. Everyone wants someone attractive, and it’s strange to try and shame women for a fundamental mating preference across all species and genders. You even admit that women like all sorts of types depending on what they’re personally into, so let’s not paint a monolith here. As for usefulness, that’s a really dark brush to paint the simple preference for wanting a man with selfless qualities who cares about us. Careers that have a decent income are one indicator of a man who works hard for his goals, can stay consistently focused on something not immediately rewarding, and is proof he has the stability to provide for a potential future family.

Are we going to now shame female species in the animal kingdom for judging the best potential mate based on how much food he can bring back while hunting, too? The best male is able to provide the best possible life for future offspring. This fact shouldn’t be making men butthurt. Y’all will also complain if a woman pops out a baby with an in-and-out of prison loser just the same, because she will likely end up as a poor single mother. It doesn’t matter which choice she makes in a partner — it’s going to get criticized by someone here.

Of course autism isn’t going to be attractive to most women... I don’t know many men who get googly-eyed over autistic women either. I’m an autistic woman myself, and I prefer autistic men because they tend to be honest, straightforward in their intentions and thinking, and usually have very unique and interesting hobbies that they are very knowledgeable about and love to share information on. Those are very very cool traits that I admire. But you can’t go around shaming neurotypical women because they don’t want a man who has a hard time navigating social interactions properly and doesn’t know how to express or identify their emotions. Most people don’t want those things — they form the basis of human romantic relationships. The autists I went to school with dated other neurodivergent folk and were happy having relationships that didn’t need to fit any norm. The autists on Reddit complain that Instagram Model Stacy doesn’t care about who they are on the inside, and spend years whining about how life isn’t fair. I’ve never once seen any of the countless “autistic man whining” posts on here say they just want a similarly nerdy and weird gal just like them, which is actually what they should be looking out for instead of expecting neurotypical folks to be the ones to accommodate their routines and idiosyncrasies. This isn’t a r/nicegirls rant — I’ve dated both on and off the spectrum, and I just feel like it’s not possible for most people with autism to truly unmask and be themselves if they don’t date people who truly “get” them, and unfortunately most neurotypical people don’t.

I feel like I shouldn’t even have to explain myself as to why women don’t want “boring, risk-averse” guys. No man describes their ideal woman as “boring” either. Either work on not being boring, or settle for a boring, basic woman. This shouldn’t even be a gripe.

IcarusKiki · 2021-06-10T07:01:11+00:00

Well, yeah. Attraction isn’t a charity. Of course blatantly autistic or mentally ill people are going to be passed up since that will impact their offspring (nobody wants to care for a severely autistic child). You could argue that men like a lot of types of girls but they won’t wife up a deformed 80 year old hambeast no matter how nice she is.

sootlord · 2021-06-11T00:35:55+00:00

Women never know what they want. One minute she loves bad boys and the next shes trying to find her betabux.

OrganicHedgehog8483 · 2021-06-12T12:46:50+00:00

The only difference will be in personality, but even that is minimal. Most girls want a guy better than them(taller, stronger, makes more money, and talks a good game). Once you know that it's just about selling her a dream and you got her.

ArdelStar · 2021-06-12T23:02:15+00:00

Yeah, guys don't generally want neurotic, Christian, nerdy, autistic women either.

justnotherthrow35 · 2021-06-09T18:07:49+00:00

If the men on this sub spent half the time they do speculating about women like we're a different species to instead work on themselves and just empathize with women maybe they'd have better luck in the dating world.

princessxmombi · 2021-06-09T18:18:36+00:00

Oh man, this sounds like a lot of whining. Both men and women generally have expectations for how attractive their partner is, how that partner makes them feel, and what they have to offer in a relationship. There are plenty of women who like neurotic nerdy types. They just might not be the type of women those men are aiming for.

ThatsNotteHat · 2021-06-09T18:12:11+00:00

I want a man with developed critical thinking skills, adept at debunking fallacious reasoning. Kind and compassionate. Smart sense of humor. Honest. Dedicated to commitments. Neurotic nerds are sexy AF to me. The traits you’re listing seem pretty petty and juvenile, which is understandable if your dating pool is limited to below 25. 25-26 is the age at which the prefrontal cortex closes. This part of the brain is responsible for reason. Back brain is more in charge until then, and it is responsible for sheer survival, so yeah, young people are likely going to make poorer partnership choices.

y2kjanelle · 2021-06-09T19:13:12+00:00

What you described is not one-dimensional. I think men get so caught up in what they think women find attractive, that they sometimes miss out on what women actually find attractive!

For one, yes neurotic guys are not going to get as much attention. Not because they don't fit a category, but rather they lack self-confidence. A lack in self-respect or confidence almost always leads to differences in behavior. People can sense this, and it makes them uncomfortable. Often times, it's annoying because you rely on external things and other people to give you the love you should be giving to yourself. It's an extra strain that is draining.

Let's take examples though. Men like to think women like buff men like Thor (Chris Hemsworth) but look at the fan base. His cunning, witty, and not as conventionally attractive brother in the Marvel series, Loki, is incredibly popular among women.

Take Criminal Minds. Spencer Reid is one of the characters. His following is HUGE! He has Asperger's and schizophrenic tendencies from his mother. He's awkward, can't follow social cues, goes on long rants, injects unnecessary or seemingly rude comments, and was bullied in high school. Women see this and literally fall in love. This is compared to Derek Morgan. He's an attractive, buff ladies man that gets a lot of attention in the show but his fan base is nowhere near Spencer's or Hotch's.

Hotch is less popular than nerdy heartthrob Spencer, but people love that despite his gloomy, brooding attitude, he has a big heart. He deeply cares for his team and people in general. He's a great dad and puts his all into his work.

Now most of the characters though, are conventionally attractive people. Maybe not Garcia as much, but she becomes so beautiful because she's such a good person and extremely lovable.

Look at any anime heartthrobs. Most are somewhat feminine and are slim men with pretty faces. This includes k pop idols too. People adore them and not because they're gym rats. Women like quirkiness, personality, something different than men who make being swole their whole lives. Harry styles wears dresses. Jaden Smith does. P Diddy. Ezra Miller. And they all get attention. Women like that. Women like men into fashion and clothing. I see guys out with better style than me and I am attracted to that (also jealous though like please tell me where you got that outfit) But you know, things are changing. Women aren't just into Chads.

Women just like when men are who they are. Not trying to impress by being someone else or acting different, not being nice to get something, not always trying to be what we want. Women like men who are themselves. No one wants to date a copy of themselves, they want to date or marry or have sex with another individual. Someone with their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and someone who sticks by those and doesn't care what people think!

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-06-09T20:19:26+00:00

What about someone like me 😂 I'm the biggest enigma to shatter your preconcieved notions 😂

You said rich was a negative/makes you useful but not hot, i have a high net worth (e: for my age ofc). But require a prenup thus weeding out the diggers.

I'm very, very neurotic. 98%tile so. So much so that i am basically paranoid. Driven off multiple mates with it.

I am also very attractive and stereotypical basic white boi, extroverted, tall, fit, endowed, etc.

Kinda interesting to see i fit both the positive and negative elements of your post

Title	It is true all women want different things in a guy but the preferences are quite one dimensional.
Author	owta_this_world
Upvotes	98
Comments	282
Date	June 9, 2021 10:27 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nvsik3/it_is_true_all_women_want_different_things_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/it-is-true-all-women-want-different-things-in-a.783571 https://theredarchive.com/post/783571

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