Madonna/wh*re complex is why so many marriages end up being sexless.

relish5k · 2024-03-27T04:19:46+00:00

I think this definitely applies to some men (example, Elvis Presley barely slept with his wife after she got pregnant and was very into preserving her virginity until they were married or just before they were married).

But most guys are totally happy fucking the “Madonna”/their wives. Like, gladly. Even after kids men are usually rearing to go well before their wives are physically / emotionally ready. Because men are hornier full stop and even cognitive dissonance and psychological hangups are usually not enough to stop them from being horny for their wives (in general)

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-03-27T09:15:47+00:00

There's definitely a link, when the amount of people who say there's women you fuck and women you marry....

WilliamWyattD · 2024-03-27T05:34:40+00:00

I think OP is overestimating how common true madonna/whore is. And I think women are the proximate cause of most sexless marriages.

Note I said 'proximate' cause because this isn't to say that the man's behavior didn't have something to do with her stopping sex. And I said 'most' because I know that it is not uncommon for the man to be the one who stops wanting sex with her.

leosandlattes · 2024-03-27T04:43:51+00:00

Wanting a pure woman to also be your little cumslut whore will almost always end badly for men who desire that.

Why would a low n, modest, high disgust/shame woman suddenly change for her husband? Why would she all of a sudden feel a desire to have her husband say and do things she perceives to be sexually degrading? Why do those men think that is logical?

Add in the other side of this - men who feel that all women are sluts and whores, EXCEPT for his wife. But if he sexualizes her, she is nothing more/better than all the other whores on the street.

But only weirdos think like this. Most high sociosexual men end up with high sociosexual women. Just like low n women end up with low n men. Assortative mating.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-03-27T03:53:55+00:00

Madonna the Original, aka Mother Mary, is such a classic example of impossible expectations put on women that don’t serve men or women. Like…she was pregnant BUT she was ALSO a virgin. She is fulfilling her biological duties without being “impure”. An impossibility, but the golden standard for women nonetheless. I feel like a lot of modern men want a woman who doesn’t sleep around, who has a very low or nonexistent body count—but for some reason will change that behavior for HIM. A pure innocent angel for everyone else, but puts out for HIM. It’s hypocritical. You can’t shame a woman for having had previous sexual partners and then turn around and demand that YOU are one of her sexual partners.

Wallace2020 · 2024-03-27T15:34:07+00:00

I don't think so. I don't think anyone wants a whore for a wife tbh

Safinated · 2024-03-27T04:19:06+00:00

Nah, boredom, annoyance, fatigue and laziness can kill sex just fine

DeJuanBallard · 2024-03-27T17:57:10+00:00

This shit is made up nonsense to justify women's shitty treatment of men in marriages .

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-03-27T18:30:18+00:00

Women can have a Madonna/Whore complex as well. You often hear women say they were less inhibited having sex with men they didn't care about than when having sex with men they did care about, because they didn't want to be seen "that way" by men they thought they cared about.

8won6 · 2024-03-27T18:37:40+00:00

this is one of the worst posts i've ever seen on the sub. none of it makes sense. why do people keep over-analyzing men.

Men literally just want sex from one woman that is easy to deal with. All this other goofy stuff about power dynamics and violence comes off like projection. The vast majority of men, i'm excluding clear mental cases, aren't sitting around thinking about "sex-violence" or manipulating a woman or "power".

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-03-27T11:31:55+00:00

I think it's more women giving better to the casual guy and then giving the relationship guy low effort starfish twice a year.

Daisiesarecute · 2024-03-27T04:16:32+00:00

I mean usually sexless marriages are that way bc the woman doesn’t want to have sex so I’m assuming women either lose attraction or don’t feel valued etc. Your theory is cool but it paints men as the picky ones which in reality is usually not the case

reddit_is_geh · 2024-03-27T08:52:38+00:00

This guy in that video gives me weird vibes... Not a fan. He has a fundamental core to his argument that more women should be having tons more sex, more quickly, and actually, claims that if a woman wants a man the problem she can't lock them down is because she's not fucking him fast enough.

He seems like he has secret coomer porn brain that he hides, because he's always trying to subtly promote tons of casual sex

Dankutoo · 2024-03-27T09:00:34+00:00

I think you’re taking the language analysis WAY too far. Humorous online terminology does not translate into real-world behaviour (in the same way that engaging with fantasy tends not to crossover into reality, particularly for men….something women seem incapable of understanding).

The M/W complex doesn’t exist. It’s more Freudian gobbledegook, we would all be so much better off if we just dropped the idea altogether.

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2024-03-27T16:27:39+00:00

Marriages end up sexless because alpha-widows are not satisfied with Billy-betas and Billy-betas, in time, realize they are being settled for. That's the main reason. I have never heard of a man not wanting to have sex with his wife as long as she has not massively declined or unless she engaged in casual sex prior to their marriage aka alpha widows.

Hubris1998 · 2024-03-27T11:08:23+00:00

In most sexless marriages, it's the woman who doesn't want her husband to touch her

Kim8mi · 2024-03-27T04:10:18+00:00

God that's sad

teknos1s · 2024-03-27T13:34:16+00:00

I’ve struggled with Madonna/whore complex myself. I find it odd when ppl call it a myth when I personally have dealt with it

Konoha_Shinobee · 2024-03-27T14:23:44+00:00

Nah people just get bored fucking the same person for years. Monogamy is a trap.

Alarming_Ask_244 · 2024-03-27T15:26:34+00:00

This is just sex negativity from men. If you don't view sex as a degrading act for the receptive partner, you don't have this problem. In other words, skill issue

mediocre_mitten · 2024-03-27T16:34:59+00:00

Like Elvis w/Priscilla.

After they had their kid he lost all interest (physically) in her.

Sharp_Platform8958 · 2024-03-27T18:30:47+00:00

The only flaw to your theory is the bait and switch that happens. Relationships usually start off hot and heavy and then stop after the men are locked in. Women can leave with a lot more than they came in with but a split is normally very devastating to a man. There is almost no benefit for a man to get married. You can get all of the benefits without the risk by staying in the BF/GF stage. Some may even see it as superior since you have to maintain the level of effort/interest since it is easier to walk away.

harmonica2 · 2024-03-27T05:01:39+00:00

What about some relationships where it's the reverse and the women think their men treat them like trashy sex objects too much?

Would this be a reverse madonna/whore complex?

NockerJoe · 2024-03-27T06:23:38+00:00

Madonna/Whore complex was developed to describe a much older culture where marriages were more likely to be arranged and prostitution and keeping a mistress were way more common. It doesn't describe any modern dynamic where your wife is someone you dated for like 5 years before kids were involved.

This is also kinda ignoring that most of those phrases are used primarily by women. I've never heard a man talk about blowing out a back but I have heard women talk about getting their backs blown out. This is mostly how women talk about sex, men in my experience tend to get less graphic among themselves.

The video is very clearly trying to make sexual dysfunction mens fault and trying to claim its men who cause the problem when at most its parity. But people just have to make it about men being sexist because heaven forbid an issue not be something men and men alone have to fix.

Sorprenda · 2024-03-27T06:26:52+00:00

This video is so hard to watch. Can't relate.

Now as a man, what do I know what goes on in the bedroom. Women here? Tell us! I am curious if this is real.

OP, I can see your point about how modern day etiquette could make some people uncomfortable. But...But I also think there is something primal about sex which is encoded into our DNA. A lot of people have their hangups which might stand in the way, but I don't think this is the primary one contributing to sexless marriages - but...no way to know for sure.

CurlyMuchacha · 2024-03-27T10:46:01+00:00

OP watched a single podcast clip from a show that has a horrible reputation and is known to exaggerate but yes let’s draw logical conclusions from it

malechicken-_0 · 2024-03-27T11:58:09+00:00

The solution to a sexless marriage is to never get into a sexless marriage in the first place lol

izoldetales · 2024-03-27T05:09:40+00:00

The last thing we're gonna do is take a theory from what women consider " the most misogynistic psychology researcher" to ever exist and dismiss all his previous researches because of it just to end up using the only one that " back" women 😂😂😂.

The amount of manipulation modern men are suffering , I don't blame them for misogyny no more.

Does OP know that Freud is the reason misogyny may not be real. He said that women are born with an envy and hate towards men due to their sexual Iinferiority. This is why every woman think being a man is better while men are jealous from other MEN .

We're not gonna discard his life work just to take the only two researches that paint men as " evil " .

Modern men are so weak It's kind of annoying at this point. How can you be manipulated right and left and still play the white knight for women .

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-03-27T10:32:33+00:00

Madonna whore complex don't exist and freud is pseudoscience, the fact they take someone seriously that have been proven again and again to be wrong in everything he did and write is mind blowing and a greater proof of how psychology as a study is garbage.

qunamax · 2024-03-27T04:52:39+00:00

You are delusional. Marriages end up sexless because the sexual attraction wears off, for one or both of them.

Men couldn't care less if the women they want to whorebang is called their wife, girlfriend or the queen of the world.

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purplepillowed · 2024-03-27T12:17:03+00:00

Nah I want to do filthy things to my wife and she enjoys it. We went through a very dry spell. Fortunately, it turned around.

Altruistic_Memories · 2024-03-27T12:30:01+00:00

I was just talking about something similar like this with my wife the other day, how some women who want a little degradation-play in the bedroom for fun have a man who will say/have the thought process along the lines of "I love and respect you too much."

Didn't know it had a name behind that line of thinking.

Sounds boring.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-03-27T14:43:30+00:00

Most marriages end up as sexless because most women end up marrying men they are not very sexually attracted because of the lack of men that most find sexually attractive.

DrakesucksREPRISE · 2024-03-27T15:23:07+00:00

I just wanna kiss boobies

wtknight · 2024-03-27T15:39:50+00:00

I think that more of them end up sexless because the woman is either exhausted, or the man loses attraction to the woman rather than considering her some kind of “madonna”. There’s no reason why most men should only be satisfied with the most perverted or violent kind of sex. I would think that more men are fantasizing about normal sex with younger or hotter women, not non-normal sexual acts.

eli_ashe · 2024-03-27T18:40:29+00:00

I think what OP is describing as violent language and encoding what men really think ignores the reality of women.

Those kinds of terms are used specifically to refer to 'sub-space', as in, the kind of state that a bottom or subby type wants to be in whereby they enjoy those sorts of things. They refer to a mode of sexuality whereby you are having things done to you, rather than being the one doing the things. In other words, they describe a kind of thing a subby type would want and experience, not merely a dom type. Such would also be 'what women really think', and more blandly put, such merely describes a kind of sexual dynamic of dom/sub, not 'violence and violated' but 'active/passive'.

Tho understand too that the encoding of 'violence and violated' can have appeal in that sexual dynamic. It refers to a 'good fuck' and extreme example of the active/passive dynamic that is actually what is going on. No real violence or violation is occurring, nor is that the intention. The intention is akin to saying 'I'm gonna fuck you sooo good'.

This point ought be clear enough to anyone who's actually practiced or studied bdsm. One 'skull fucks' someone else not because it is violent, but because they are in a subby space and are enjoying having something done to them.

That the language refers to the person doing the action is a quirk of linguistics, but not one that can't be changed either, nor tho is it indicative of there being anything wrong with it. The language just tends towards describing something is terms of active participant rather than the passive participant. Folks can constructed sentence structures that center the passive participant, they only 'sound strange to our ears' due to the linguistics of centering the active participant.

The notion OP is referencing also assumes, wrongly, that men developed the language and concepts for sexuality and those terms in isolation. Women have always also helped develop the language, terms, and meanings. A subby type, a bottom type, would hear those kinds of phrases as a hot come on, not a detractor.

For OP's point to stand, it has to pretend that women, subby types more generally, neither have agency in the bedroom, nor capacity to actively create the language that is used to describe sexuality. Neither of which are true.

Realistic-Chest-6002 · 2024-03-27T22:37:10+00:00

The dual mating strategy is WAY more common with women than it is for men.

apresonly · 2024-03-27T23:09:12+00:00

my married exes in sexless relationships w the women they left me for 👀

(i know this bc they beg me for sex)

weirdly the ex that doesn't do this left me for a single mother of 2 kids by 2 dads, so def not a madonna? 🤔

Wallace2020 · 2024-03-31T14:45:22+00:00

We want a Madonna who finds us attractive not finds everybody attractive.

DisenchatedRealist · 2024-04-01T05:29:54+00:00

The idea that a virgin is ideal because she has no experience would be at odds with the ability to even BE a whore (and you would also have to pay her for sex, prerequisite and all)… how would said virgin/madonna possibly be a whore? Possession (demonic… angelic… who cares)…

This falls into the Magic Dick Theory of sex… how does it work? Magic!!!

Alternative_Poem445 · 2024-03-27T12:20:08+00:00

nah women are the ones with dark violent thoughts during sex.

VeryScaryUsername · 2024-03-27T14:27:17+00:00

Men don’t like to be on bottom? Like as i having her on top, riding? That is the furthest from the truth. 🤦‍♂️

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-03-27T13:22:27+00:00

It’s certainly a component, but I’d argue women marrying men they aren’t very sexually attracted to is more likely.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-03-27T13:23:51+00:00

This seems like BS nonsense because I am this exact kind of man but I never didn't want to fuck my gf nor could I imagine not wanting to fuck my gf.

But I generally only fuck with, date, get along with total whores and like church girls. "Normal" women don't like me and I don't like them.

Imo sexless marriages I usually see happen to people are due to male being feminized to a point where the woman no longer finds him sexually attractive. "I did all the house chores, even scrubbed the floor and burped the baby, got my apron on and everything... why won't she fuck me." Well because that's not sexually arousing to women.

preferablyno · 2024-03-27T07:16:05+00:00

For real I like party girls. Im very nerdy but quite social and have always been into parties, concerts, social events so that’s my scene. And ime the girls there are a lot more fun and in a way just more normal lol. In my experience with the girls I’ve dated, if we were no longer attracted we would break up because a relationship is fundamentally a sexual relationship.

I think a lot of what you are describing is a symptom of sexual repression and not being very good at taking other people as they are. To me it doesn’t make a lot of sense to judge a woman for doing the sex acts women like, like bro shes getting it from her perspective. I don’t want that but it doesn’t make much sense to judge a woman for not having the same sexuality as me

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-03-27T17:22:14+00:00

Some men apparently then struggle to reconcile doing an activity they inherently think of as degrading, objectifying & painful to a woman they vaguely recognize now as a human subject ie. the madonna they decided to marry and have children with.

That's why no woman should be with a man that thinks that way.

procione00 · 2024-06-18T20:09:27+00:00

Hey everyone. I’m the spouse of a person who has the “Madonna complex”. We are married. We have known each other for 2 years and a half. At the beginning of our relationship, intimacy was great, and very satisfying for the both of us. Then it started to be less and less. My spouse said that they were considering to go to a therapist to fix the problem, in order to keep a happy relationship. We got married, they haven’t been to a therapist yet. Now it has been 1 year since the last time we were intimate. I don’t want to cheat on my partner, I want to respect them, and be faithful, but they are not considering how hard it is to not be intimate with the person you love, you are very attracted to, and your partner. My partner says that even going to therapy will not fix the problem, because it is very hard to cure the Madonna complex. We talked about the possibility of an open relationship, but my partner doesn’t want to be intimate with other stranger people because of the fear to hurt my feelings, even though I gave full consent. My partner doesn’t want me to be intimate with other stranger people, so we are locked in this situation of me being very attracted by my partner, and trying anything to be intimate, and my partner being not interested in intimacy at all. We don’t want to divorce because besides this, we have a great relationship, and we love each other a lot. Meanwhile, I miss being intimate with the person I love and trust.

If anyone has any advice, please let me know, because I really need some advice from people who have more info or experience on this.

Thank you!

wolfloveyes · 2024-03-27T03:43:18+00:00

Women marry at an age when their bargaining power starts disappearing.

When I turned 30, because I was among few of the economically viable man (with flashy car and lifestyle)

I started getting flooded with women who were 28-35 by interest.

A few women had ghosted me at 23 and they'd message me later seeing the car I post on social media. They asked if I am open to dating them again now at 30.

No girl you didn't give me a chance at 23, you ran away to a broke guy while I was working hard to make a bank.

How can she expect to be with me now? When I did all the hard work, I built the house bought the car, have the lifestyle and fitness.

It's really crazy they see me like a dog, who can be kicked away, when they wanted and lured with a treat when they need me.

These same women didn't give me time of the day if I wanted when they were below 25.

What changed in me? I've only become rich. Nothing beyond that.

So i believe they marry a man they never wanted and after that they are just not attracted to him.

It's because her friends are getting married, her parents are asking when they, see the grandkids and when she plans to get married.

It's not for the man again, it was never about the man.

It's not the man who decides how much sex happens in marriage. Government outlawed it long ago.

harmonica2 · 2024-03-27T03:37:08+00:00

Are you saying that the madonna type women do not want to have sex enough in a marriage?

Exact-Schedule3917 · 2024-03-27T09:09:35+00:00

Nah you're wrong. Sex is used as a tool to leverage power. It's all games. Women enjoy the shit you wrote.

just_a_place · 2024-03-27T03:38:21+00:00

The Madonna/Whore complex is not even real. It is not a recognized concept in psychology. It's a stupid pop-culturish buzzword invented by feminists to explain away their non-comprehesion of the male psyche.

The male brain is a hell of a lot more complicated that this stupid dichotomy. Especially our sexuality.

henrycatalina · 2024-03-27T11:45:22+00:00

I think the Modona hoe complex is rarer than you think. I think it is more common for men to think their bride to be thinks of them as their top lover and choice. Or, after marriage, it becomes obvious there was a hoe phase, but "she's not like that anymore." It's what made her what she is now. This is not the same as you described. What I describe is getting more common. The lie leads to disgust. People, just be truthful.

When boys and girls are young, it would be important to explain sex as wonderful and enjoyable, but it also creates strong emotional bonds and a reputation. Give guidance on the natural urges that are healthy. The purity culture concept does not recognize human nature.

I think men causing deadbedrooms are mostly low testosterone or just a low libido. Or, giving up after years of rejection.

More sexless marriages are women withholding sex for many reasons. The "have and to hold" clause has been replaced with "unless I don't immediately feel like it" or "I'm disappointed or angry, and sex is my weapon." A woman leaving a sexless marriage is typically supported. A man leaving gets about equal support and criticism.

educatedkoala · 2024-03-27T12:52:34+00:00

I'm sure this is a component.

In my experience, the vast majority of women who don't have a good sex life with their husbands, it has to do with house chores.

full_brick_package · 2024-03-28T15:51:03+00:00

Some women love rough kinky sex. What ruins marriages is marriage.

Monogamy isn't natural, very few people want to really do it they just prefer to sneak around and get hookups either physically or emotionally on the side.

Sex gets cut off during marriage because people become bored with the same thing. End of story.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-03-27T04:13:15+00:00

I could bend over the future mother of my children, so this will definitely not be an issue.

Title	Madonna/wh*re complex is why so many marriages end up being sexless.
Author	ThrowRAsweeter
Upvotes	69
Comments	393
Date	March 27, 2024 3:33 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bos7ux/madonnawhre_complex_is_why_so_many_marriages_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/madonnawhre-complex-is-why-so-many-marriages-end.1513352 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513352

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