Why is cold approaching seen as a "better" alternative to dating apps?

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-06-08T16:56:50+00:00

Warm approaching and social circles are better than dating apps.

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-08T16:52:44+00:00

"Get off the dating apps and go talk to women in real life" isn't necessarily about cold approaching. I think most people agree that warm approaches work better for most people. If you increase your social circle, meet new people and get more people to hang out with who can introduce you to other people, you have more chances approaching someone this way.

Most couples I know met in real life. They either studied together, worked together or met through friends. Even DMin someone who is "a friend of a friend" has more chances than DMing a stranger.

YveisGrey · 2024-06-09T00:23:30+00:00

Cold approaches work in the appropriate environment usually social settings, bars, lounges, parties, events etc…

The reason they can be better than apps is because

She gets more cues about attraction from a meeting in person vs just seeing a profile. How a man smells, the sound of his voice, his mannerisms etc… that’s important for attraction and can’t be conveyed on a digital profile

She’s less likely to experience option fatigue most women get too many matches and are potentially overwhelmed

She’s less likely to consider you as a “product” and see you as an actual person. The lack of physical interaction and the fact that you just swipe to see another potential match makes online dating feel more like online shopping. It’s hard to humanize the profiles as actual people.

Opie67 · 2024-06-08T17:00:46+00:00

Cold approaching isn't just lurking public spaces and dropping the same canned line on any woman walking alone. It's just starting an interaction with someone you don't already know. Easier at events when you can comment on things already going on

Significant-Report16 · 2024-06-08T16:48:06+00:00

I personally feel like dating apps are a better screen for mutual interest and rejection is not as direct. You generally get ghosted or don’t get likes/liked back. All those are technically rejections, you just don’t experience it as directly.

I haven’t really done much cold approaching but I assume it’s better for developing real world social skills and experience with more direct rejection. The downside is you’re kinda forcing girls into the interaction without them indicating interest back, so the success rate is not going to be high for anyone, even for good looking guys, as some girls are taken or not interested in dating in general.

In terms of dating, it can also help as almost a pseudo-first date. If a date comes out of a successful cold approach, it’s basically a 2nd date.

If a 2nd date happens, it’s already established that there is compatibility to some extent as you have already met. This makes it easier for things to progress.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2024-06-08T19:09:22+00:00

Because women on dating apps are delusional about the quality of guy they think they can get to commit. If you're a good looking man but not top 5% you will match mostly with women who you would never talk to in real life. Women who you are doing a favor by talking to will reject you, flake on you or outright ignore your messages. You can talk to a lot hotter women in person and your success will be a lot better, but those same women would ignore you online because of the sheer amount of perceived options they have. Online they are matching mostly with guys who are out of their league and ignoring guys who are on their level. It's crazy. You will get a much higher quality woman by just talking to them in real life and they will be a lot more receptive than they would be online. The contrast never ceases to amaze me. You can be a good looking guy and women can tell you you're a catch but online you feel like you are bargain him shopping and the items are ungrateful.

Top-Middle-2791 · 2024-06-08T21:31:03+00:00

People are damage controlling in comments. "No no we actually mean tap into your rich and extensive social circle, not approach strangers" but "go out and talk to girls" for a single guy reads like "go out and cold approach". Also "go out and cold approach" is an actionable advice but "grow your social circle" is not, the latter is complex and consists of much more smaller steps

Intrepid-Rip-2280 · 2024-06-08T18:34:01+00:00

I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps, stopped feeling okay with Eva AI bot and started going out meeting people

SDW137 · 2024-06-08T21:59:08+00:00

Because on dating apps, girls tend to be very picky, sometimes pickier than they are in real life. Your chances of meeting them in person aren't that high. Even if you match with them, it doesn't guarantee a date.

In real life, you're potentially a little bit closer to securing a date.

Gitsumrestmf · 2024-06-08T16:33:29+00:00

I think it's more about being social. Actually social, I mean. Sitting on internet, and particularly listening to feminist/TRP content, gives you a skewed view on how people interact.

Go out with your friends. Find social hobbies. Talk to women casually, without expectations. Build connections and relationships.

All of that is a lot better than dating apps, and will often give you opportunities to meet women organically. Which is the best case scenario, as long as you don't have the personality of a troll.

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-06-08T17:45:36+00:00

When people advise men to get off the apps and talk to women in real life, they usually aren't implying that cold approaching is a better alternative. Instead, what we often suggest is for guys to expand their social circles and get to know women organically.

blarginfajiblenochib · 2024-06-08T17:03:52+00:00

I don’t think it’s that cold approaching is better, and I don’t really see many men saying that it is, but rather that approaching someone in person is generally better than trying to get matches on an app and building a relationship from that “connection.”

You really don’t get a sense of what it’s like to actually spend time with someone by seeing an online profile, and sometimes an intended message does not translate as well in text as it would in spoken word, with all the nuances that come with actually talking to someone face to face.

wtknight · 2024-06-08T17:23:53+00:00

I'm not sure that it is. Many women don't like being cold approached.

I'm sure that the people who say it, though, are thinking that it's because women usually aren't looking at a bunch of high value men on an app when they are being cold approached. They're only looking at the man approaching and perhaps the other men in the room if it's someplace like a bar or club. Furthermore, cold approaching gives a mid-looking man a chance to show off his social skills and not just have to rely upon a few photos and a short description in order to attract a woman. Many men think that men look better in real life because men often don't know how to even take a good photograph of themselves and how to use all of the various filters that women often use.

Previous-Pea-638 · 2024-06-08T18:36:13+00:00

I think the cold approach would only work for young people. It did back in my day anyway. People met up at the mall or the arcade and actually interacted with one another. I even knew one girl who met her boyfriend at Walmart back in the day. He asked for her phone number and she gave it to him.

Too many factors would not work with cold approaching me at this age. Most of those men come with an ex wife and kids. Something I do not want to even entertain.

I'm childfree and will only get involved with childfree men. Then there's a million other things you have to factor in, like compatibility.

Equivalent-Cat5414 · 2024-06-08T18:56:15+00:00

For one, many single people are not on dating apps because they don’t want to meet someone that way, especially women including myself. Two, you often don’t really know what someone looks like with just pictures especially with photo editing and filters. Photos can also make you look worse than you do IRL. Three, if you go out and do stuff you find fun you will already see and potentially meet people who also have those same interests.

But my personal main reason is that it just feels way more natural to meet someone in person, especially where I’m somewhere that’s fun like a music event, than online. And you can tell someone’s real personality within a minute of interacting IRL but not so much any time interacting online.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-06-08T20:37:25+00:00

dating apps are for casual only imo. women on them have inflated self-perception and been around the block too much to put it mildly. generalizing but on average it's true. believe it or not there are still women who don't use the apps at all. attractive women that aren't walking red flags don't need them in my experience. although i think warm approach (meeting women through hobbies, social circle etc.) works best if you want something serious.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-06-09T00:00:51+00:00

Both cold approaching and dating apps suck if you are unattractive. Best way to meet someone is through a certain group or social circle like meeting someone at: work, school, through friends, through gym classes, etc. Cold approaching is like gambling which means you need to hit jacklpot once, but it's really based on luck.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-06-09T04:31:40+00:00

Because with dating apps you just have your looks with cold approaching you can atleast try charm persuasion ,persistence...I once asked a girl out she said she had a BF I told her that's OK he can drop us off since I don't have a car she started laughing and gave me her number after that I never called because personally I don't like chasing a woman or having to convince her to let me waste money on her.

Compared to OLD where women can just ignore you or block you out rite cold approaching gives you a broader range of options and outcomes.

Personally I wouldn't do it in this day and age and definitely not after 30,by then if your still single most likely you're not that attractive and most women don't want to be approached by you.

If your under 30 and haven't cold approached sure give it a try the results will show you where your SMV lies but I don't suggest torturing your self with hundreds of rejections or risk showing up in some chick's social media short.

Instead your better off focusing on your finnancial status and getting your passport the average western man will do far better overseas if your looking for a wife .If you just want to get laid probably more efficient to just pay for it.

gntlbastard · 2024-06-08T16:59:48+00:00

Shows courage. Women like that in a guy.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-06-08T17:19:55+00:00

It shouldn’t be cold approaching either. It’s getting to know more people (more woman) through your already established social groups. Keep branching out till you meet someone

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-08T17:34:33+00:00

Talking to women in real life doesn't just mean cold approaching. Barely any couples meet that way. Generally they meet through warm or lukewarm approaching. The problem you see with cold approaching (you just don't know the other person well enough to easily be interested) are shared by dating apps, but not people you already know something about.

superlurkage · 2024-06-08T19:10:07+00:00

Shows masculinity or something

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-06-08T19:21:20+00:00

With a cold approach, the person is right in front of you and in a social setting. Humans are designed to interact with people in person and not online so it does not go against human nature. There are also less people there which reduces the illusion of choice.

ilike18yoblackpussy · 2024-06-08T21:27:04+00:00

I don't like online dating because (a) physical attraction is important to me, and (b) personality is important to me.

It can be hard to tell what a person really looks like irl if you only see them online (depending on what photos they post). And it can be hard to figure out a person's personality online or what they would be like irl.

That's why I don't like dating apps too much. That and the whole 90% male, fake women, and women not responding thing.

At least if I see a woman irl, I know she's an actual woman, and I know whether I find her physically attractive or not.

MrPokerfaceCz · 2024-06-08T21:37:32+00:00

I don't think it's about being noble, it's about improving your chances, women are flooded by dudes online but how many guys approach in real life? Even if you're not a model the competition will be way more manageable

guys_rock · 2024-06-09T00:10:39+00:00

They're basically the same thing for me in terms of results. Can get the first date or hookup, but it fizzles out real quick.

My only LTRs is when I told a friend I liked them. So twice.

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-06-09T03:12:00+00:00

It gives you a better opportunity to create attraction.

LaloTwinsDa2nd · 2024-06-09T15:45:47+00:00

(a) most men don’t do it, whereas most men are on apps

(b) you’re not just limited to your 6 best photos, your vibe is a factor

(c) there are more hot women who will consider you IRL as opposed to online.

(d) it takes balls to approach, women know that, ask any woman how they feel about the guy who was at a party and said nothing but dm’d her later…

AidsVictim · 2024-06-09T19:01:17+00:00

OLD works for some men if they're handsome enough, or are willing to compromise (date down) enough.

Cold approach works for some men that are at least not ugly and relatively good at chatting up strangers.

Warm approach works for men that already have a social circle of the right kind (i.e. it includes women and other socially successful men, not male only nerd group). This is pretty clearly what most women prefer but socially successful men in social circles with reasonably attractive single women generally are the least likely to post in a place like this or need advice.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-06-08T16:37:26+00:00

Also, a lot of people say "dating apps suck if you're not handsome", well, cold approaching also sucks if you're not handsome lol

The idea or theory is that cold approaching somehow increases your odds (relative to OLD) even if you're not easy on the eyes. Advocates of this also believe that it emphasizes personality moreso than OLD.

BlueParsec · 2024-06-08T16:39:52+00:00

Because it's easier to escalate. You can f close in the same time it would take for her to respond to your first message by the time she checks the app.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-06-08T16:34:19+00:00

It’s not that it’s more noble or better. It’s just that, by now, most people can see the low odds of OLD for a lot of people (for a lot of reasons)

So if one low odds method is netting low results, try another. And try several. Try all kinds of things till you find either success, or a thing you feel comfortable in and are like “this can be my thing”

If OLD is working, run with it. If it isn’t: try something more/new

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-08T18:15:08+00:00

Even if you use a dating app you have to eventually see them in person. Why is approaching in real life better? Because you are forced to get over your fears and once you, you realize just how powerful you can be instead of constantly tweaking your profile looking like a puppy that wants to get adopted hoping some mid chick picks you. You are a man. Go out there and hunt for what you want. Stop being a pussy hoping you get picked.

toasterchild · 2024-06-08T16:55:34+00:00

I think it's more about keeping social and socializing. Apps are often so stacked against men that they have no shot really. If you have been on a while and your profile isn't flagged as popular only a few people are even going to ever even see it. There are so many more men than women and often the women only see the profiles of men who are already ranked as popular. It's just a shit how unless you have good luck right away.

DelDivision · 2024-06-08T17:40:00+00:00

It's better in a environment where you have to be together(work, school, etc...), thats when personality can be an advantage(to a certain point), but cold approaching isn't that much different than apps, it's just we can't gather accurate data on it like we can with apps.

arsenalfc4life1500 · 2024-06-08T18:24:13+00:00

Because you're not sitting in a que of thousands of guys, instead you're meeting her in person before they get that chance to.

No_Matter_8648 · 2024-06-09T17:03:51+00:00

It isn’t. Who told you this? Some PUA grifter on YouTube? Let’s be really clear. The guys who do well on the apps also do well in the wilderness. The top 5%! & the rest of us our left out in the cold.

If you are not Chad & try this you are just gonna feel bad about yourself cuz the rejection rate will be 100%

Spyro7x3 · 2024-06-10T00:11:52+00:00

I’ve never cold approached but I’ve always got with girls by just being where they are and vibing. I won’t discredit guys who maybe aren’t Chads but all I’m saying is I don’t really see cold approaching working for anyone.

Closest I can think of is skateboarding downtown and passing a girl who gave me a look I thought about it for a second and decided to turn around and ask her what she was looking at me like that for. I wound up taking her home and it nearly turned into a gang bang lol but I’m not into that crazy thing is she had a bf too I’m pretty sure my boy hit it but I wasn’t interested in a m/m/f

MongoBobalossus · 2024-06-08T16:34:20+00:00

It’s way easier to translate your personality and way easier to gauge her attraction to you in person. If she’s not interested, I’d rather know right away than get my hopes up just texting her.

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-06-08T17:44:30+00:00

It’s not… idk why people think walking up to random stranger on the street is gonna have a high success rate, it won’t 🙃 you dont know if they’re taken, you don’t know their sexual orientation, you don’t know if you guys are looking for the same thing… there’s too many unknown variables for a cold approach to work successfully most of the time, hence why men who do this almost always fail

EveningEveryman · 2024-06-08T16:59:04+00:00

Maybe because it allows you to demonstrate bravery? As someone who's cold approached many times it never works, for me, it's just gambling.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-06-08T17:35:14+00:00

Humans send more information to each other by using non-verbal communications. Both of you can read body language and see each other reactions. That alone makes it more efficient than any dating app can be. Plus no delays.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-06-08T19:27:47+00:00

people who suggest any alternative to dating instead of online are telling us their age. social circle and approaching was good until apps blew up in the early-mid 2010s.

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wtknight · 2024-06-08T20:11:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-06-08T20:56:45+00:00

Ain't no fucking around or games with it.. hard to lead ya on when they tell ya no right away

not_mr_nice · 2024-06-09T09:33:11+00:00

Speaking for myself, the only person I can speak for.

One of these gets me results and the other one dosn't.

I am not going to personally say "Dating Apps" are better, as they get me fuck all results.

Warm approach is better than cold approach. But for me at least, I had to grind at cold approach a while, before I started getting approach invitations.

I didn't get into Cold Approach solely to get laid or get with women. I knew my social skills were shit when I was outside of my friend group. So doing Cold Approach Challenges, got me used to interacting with strangers in social situations and improved my social skills. Warm approaches became more common.

qunamax · 2024-06-09T12:03:22+00:00

It's the same as swiping reels and going to the cinema.
What has more impact on you and what do you remember longer, a good movie or a good instagram reel?

Simple as that. In person interaction hits way harder than chatting, you see each other's full bodies, no filters, smell, watch body language, etc...

I don't even know why you all sold to dating apps and made it a norm, it's only helpful for socially awkward couples to find each other.

obviousredflag · 2024-06-09T13:16:27+00:00

Talking to women in real life is not meant as do cold approaches like the cringest of red pill PUAs.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-06-09T19:33:26+00:00

There's lot more things you can communicate within minutes of cold approaching than you'll ever be able to through dating apps. Demeanors and gestures, body language, personality, tone, everything is lot more visible and therefore possibly be an appeal factor than you can ever possibly convey with pictures and texts.

FullLifeguard · 2024-06-10T01:47:12+00:00

I can speak as a sub5 guy (when it comes to height and resources) ,cold approach statistically gives you more experience with women than a dating app ever could.

Individual_Speech_10 · 2024-06-10T13:20:30+00:00

I think you are misinterpreting people's advice. "Go talk to women" doesn't mean hit on random strangers in public. It means get to know women and learn their interests and whatnot like you would on an app.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-06-10T22:08:34+00:00

Because cold approaching always has feedback, even if it's "ew, no". It builds resilience to getting shot down. With dating apps, you are just as socially inept as 200 swipes ago.

Inreiv · 2024-06-11T19:18:24+00:00

They can maintain the illusion of hope not so much when they see 0 matches on the apps

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-08T19:47:43+00:00

I honestly think dating apps and online is the best way to approach.

I've only been approached once and it was wildly innappropriate.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-06-08T16:37:30+00:00

Seen by who? Women who don't have to be active in cold approaches by definition?

Diamond-Breath · 2024-06-08T17:59:37+00:00

Exactly, I think dating apps are superior in every way. The only time I'm open to romantic approaches.

Well was, I met my bf on Tinder.

McTitty3000 · 2024-06-08T19:09:52+00:00

Both of my most serious relationships including my current marriage came from cold approaching, so I'm certainly not opposed to the idea of cold approaching.

I think cold approaching as compared to dating apps, a woman can see your sense of humor better, your personality, your body language man , etc , not to mention it shows balls, feminists may not appreciate masculinity but real women appreciate that in a man, so even in rejection there's at least a respect level there, and I just think a guy being in that situation forces him to get better, combined with just straight up humanizing the whole experience

jpla86 · 2024-06-08T23:16:50+00:00

Who the hell would still approach women these days after all of the demonizing they spew against men who do? I wouldn't approach a woman for help.

Incarnate24 · 2024-06-08T16:57:07+00:00

Both suck if you’re not attractive no matter what, your goal should be to find a way to flip that switch in women where they stop seeing you as low value and see you as high. It’s one or the other and the difference between barely passing the ‘attractive’ mark and almost passing that mark is night and day, where as the difference between being attractive and extremely attractive is nowhere near as pronounced.

Lifechanging results begin and getting multiple matches a day across various apps then using that confidence of seeing all those women you know are interested in you to realize those same women would be interested IRL and boom now you have the confidence to approach IRL and you’re aren’t doing anything unnatural

PiastriPs3 · 2024-06-08T16:57:35+00:00

The only people who I knew cold approach were like the 1 in in a 100 PUA zoomie like my little brother and gen Xers. Cold approach is such a gen X thing. If someone was cold approaching a girl, I'd assume you're a 45 year old man.

Common-Ferret-1435 · 2024-06-08T16:43:48+00:00

Yes this is a lie.

The theory is: cold approaching allows you to get to know one another outside of just a simple app, which is all about looks, and instead you can, throughout conversation reveal values, morality, humor, personality quirks, good and bad, and such things.

The reality is, cold approaching is just the world’s slowest way of swiping right and left.

First, women have all stated unequivocally that cold approaching is rape. So do not cold approach. Women will claim you should shoot your shot so that 1) they can point and laugh, 2) call the police, 3) start an immediate social destruction campaign for daring to talk to them, so that 4) they can hopefully inspire horny white knights to beat you up.

Even if you’re above average than she’ll nicely reject you because your sole value is validating her, so you better be hotter than her friend Becky’s BF so you can rank higher in the FSM.

Which is exactly what swipe apps are for, getting that validation, showing Becky chat logs to show you’re better than her and she actually is really fat with big ears, before you ghost and block the guy after you used him.

Why would any woman want to risk literal violent rape by a sub-8 in person when you can just swipe on 8, 9, and 10 and take in all that sweet sweet validation?

That would be terrifying.

As is known, cold approaching is just swiping at snail speed. No one has that kind of time.

All that personality and values and other garbage are precisely that, swept away nonsense from a dusty, bygone era which has not been relevant in years. Patriarchal institutions have no business in modern dating.

As CNN correctly analyzed, women don’t like old school churches that don’t allow feminist leaders or LGBTQWERTY rainbow people, so luckily cold approaching in those places with “problematic” people is way down, as problematic equals rape.

Values? Morality? Personality? I’m pretty sure this subreddit has pounded that dead horse as being laughable nonsense.

Compare Henry Cavill and his identical twin brother, and sure, “personality” matters although you won’t get an accurate definition for it, so it’s just “handing women money”.

And that’s why cold approaching is dead and no man should engage in it.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-06-08T17:10:30+00:00

Only the most elite of men can pull off the cold approach - e.g. you need Ted Bundy level looks, otherwise you’ll just get told to fuck off

Dagenius1 · 2024-06-10T15:40:36+00:00

Because you have better chances as a man when you are approaching women in real life. Dating apps aren’t going anywhere because women like them. For guys, approaching gives you a little measure of control.

Title	Why is cold approaching seen as a "better" alternative to dating apps?
Author	Glass_Bucket
Upvotes	52
Comments	237
Date	June 8, 2024 4:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1db6oie/why_is_cold_approaching_seen_as_a_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-cold-approaching-seen-as-a-better.1520938 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520938

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