For ppl who get anxious about the idea that their SO enjoyed sexual intimacy with another person, is “low n” or “virgin” your preference?

houstongradengineer · 2021-09-27T15:29:08+00:00

Yes, it's easy to feel anxious or jealous. As a grown woman, I can control my emotions on it, though. I'm not the oldest teenager in the house, and men shouldn't play that role in this aspect either!

I was a virgin when I met my husband. Virgin was preference, and I thought he was one. Turns out no. So nowadays, virgin would still be a preference but low N is an absolute bare minimum standard. I can no longer offer my full innocence like I offered to my husband the first time, so it's not like perfection is even on the table anymore. But I'm still perfectly capable of self-,control and other qualities strongly associated with low N, so as long as that's available I'm possibly open to it. It seems available to me, so I never considered any alternative. My husband is even low enough N to give me what I need in terms of self-control, monogamy, passion, commitment, repsect, etc. That's what's ultimately a deal maker, honestly.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-09-27T14:51:52+00:00

I wouldn’t say I’m anxious about previous SO’s… I’m just not interested in dating a chick that was some dudes safety snatch. Being nothing more than a notch on someone’s belt shows that you lack introspection, and I don’t want someone to use me to increase their self worth. That’s insecure and will tank ANY relationship quickly.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2021-09-27T14:17:33+00:00

Low n, at my age virgin men are most likely to have a bunch of issues around being alone for so long.

But then, low n means he was serious about that woman/those women and they made a pretty big impact on his life. So I can get anxious about that.

But then, I can imagine some perfect scenario where we met so young that being virgin was normal at that age. Then I can get anxious about possible FOMO he's having and that he regrets having so little experience.

There is no scenario where the crazy doesn't come out. Anxious gonna be anxious, lol.

Anantha1996 · 2021-09-27T17:56:15+00:00

I think there is a desire for relationships to feel special and for there to be parity in the relationship.

So people having a preference for low n(simmilar to their own) can be explained by the latter and virgins by the former.

Some comments below describing their preference for promiscuity is kinda baffling. I am sure there are legitimate reasons but saying they are inexperienced or it takes time and effort seems baffling. Exploring and growing together seems like a big plus to me and those arguments seem more applicable to a FWB than an LTR.

SylvestorTalone · 2021-09-27T22:59:28+00:00

This should be pretty obvious. Virgin is having a maximally low n-count. If we're saying lower is better (and we are) then obviously zero is the best.

This is like asking ''for people who like money, would you rather have an amount of money, or more than that amount of money?''

chalkandapples · 2021-09-27T16:36:06+00:00

I preferred a virgin because I was a virgin, and wanted our experiences to match. Overall I as ok with anyone that didn't have casual sex, since I didn't. And if you n count is really high, either you're ok with casual sex or had a lot of shorter relationships that didn't work out, which is concerning.

Cuntwaffe2 · 2021-09-27T14:17:59+00:00

I prefer a low n or virgin guy, but I'm not concerned about how the sex was with his previous partners. I just think people with high n counts have something broken in them.

Slipthe · 2021-09-27T14:23:38+00:00

I'm a woman and that gives me a lot of anxiety. Virgin is my preference because there's nothing to be jealous of.

But if I had N=1 going forward then I'd be fine with an N=5 or less in a guy.

I feel like philosophy on N-Counts is the kind of thing that changes throughout your life.

LePengwino · 2021-09-27T14:32:08+00:00

Am guy, it would be my preference, mainly because we'd likely be more compatible but I wouldn't doubt if anxiety features in there somewhere. Neuroticism is a messy affair, lol.

_Senjogahara_ · 2021-09-27T16:00:48+00:00

Virgin.

Bandit174 · 2021-09-27T16:03:27+00:00

Everything else being similar virgin is ideal, low n is next best compromise.

quiturbitchn · 2021-09-27T14:36:08+00:00

Seems odd to have a preference for something you cannot also provide in return. The only men who can really state this as a preference are ones who are virgins themselves

Estimator1313 · 2021-09-27T16:58:39+00:00

What is “low n” exactly though? 1? 2? 5? 10?

I don’t exactly have a preference. Only things that matter is that she genuinely loves me and doesn’t care that I’m a virgin.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-09-27T22:02:36+00:00

I’m a woman in my late 20s, and I don’t expect anyone I date to be a virgin or very low (1-2) count and would kind of wonder why if they were. It doesn’t give me anxiety to think that my partner has had a life before me. I prefer to date someone who is more relationship-oriented overall and doesn’t wrack up numbers on purpose or sleep around a lot, however. So 10 or under is ideal, over 20 (and proud enough to tell me about it), and I may have a few questions.

But the only thing that really counts to me is someone’s behavior over the past couple of years. What a 25+ yr old did in college is not as relevant as their behavior patterns now imo. Maybe they slept around years ago but are looking for something serious now. I don’t see anything wrong with that, personally, despite how RP men complain about women who do this. Or maybe they were a late bloomer, stayed a virgin through college, had a glow up, and now are going wild in their late 20s. That person may not be ready for a committed relationship despite technically having a lower n than the first person.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-09-27T14:34:41+00:00

"low n" is hamsterization for the knowledge that they aint gettin virgins in the west.

ChiBron86 · 2021-09-27T15:24:26+00:00

Low n count should be the goal if you're looking for something serious. But there should be an N count. As a guy, I really do not get men's infatuation with virginity. It only makes sense if you are a virgin yourself and are feeling insecure. Otherwise, no. Having messed around with a couple of decent-looking virgins in my life, their lack of experience was a massive turn-off in every way. And it's something that permeates in every aspect of their behavior. Give me a woman with some know-how any day. That experience will make her more attractive outside the bedroom too.

okay_spaghetti · 2021-09-27T13:47:08+00:00

A virgin is the dream, obviously.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-09-27T23:44:19+00:00

And oh wifing a hoe is like a guy’s worst nightmare lol

rad1om · 2021-09-27T15:05:58+00:00

Let's be real here - unless you are REALLY young these days - we are all secondhand goods. Just as you wouldn't buy a car with 500k miles on it, you don't want a partner with obscene number of previous different partners either.

I won't judge a person solely on the "n" number if it's reasonable, but high number is certainly a sign that something is not right and caution is required.

orangerose18 · 2021-09-27T17:15:09+00:00

Woman here. At my age (early to mid 20s), a count over 10 in a man is a red flag. I’ve also attempted to be with a virgin but although I too am a virgin, male virgins simply don’t have the confidence physically to be fun when cuddling or making out. They freak out really easily and I hate having to teach someone to be comfortable with their own body. Like goddammit, I’m supposed to be the anxious one I can’t handle you too lmao. So n count of 1-3 within the confines of a long (9mo+) relationship is a good number for me where I’m more confident the man wants sex as a part of emotional intimacy, not just sex for sex.

I’m fine if a guy has had 1-2 hookups, because it’s kinda normal for everyone to try it out, but I expect him to be someone who realizes that sex without strings is unfulfilling and empty.

Btw I’m a virgin not because I can’t get men, but because of formerly religious reasons and now personal reasons. I’ve ended courtships with men when I’ve expressed discomfort with moving forward sexually (not disclosing the virgin bit) and they’ve immediately switched into pressuring me. Virgin or not, if someone’s like “hey I’m not comfortable with this” you have two options — accept it and be patient, or gtfo.

GridReXX · 2021-09-27T18:19:18+00:00

I’m curious how many people have anxiety about that.

Everyone with a dick. Literally every man, lol.

And its not anxiety. Its dislike. I dont "like" the fact that girls i like have slept or will sleep with other men. Im realistic , so i accept it but i dont like it.

If i had it my way i would have every girl i like as my own, and all other guys in the world could share the ones i dont find attractive.

Thats my mindset. Guys in general dont like the idea of their girl or even a girl they like sleeping with other men. Unless they are into cuck or something. It has nothing to do with your bodycount. My count is high and my behaviour hasnt changed one bit.

annabeelongx · 2021-09-27T19:32:13+00:00

Was a virgin (18) when I met my bf (20). You really just have to meet them quite young.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-09-27T23:21:54+00:00

For actual relationships, i prefer low body count but anything outside of a relationship, I’m not judging at all and I’m with it

PrinceofallPrussians · 2021-09-28T02:51:39+00:00

My last ex was at 19 including me. And that's before being married for 8 years. She was 32, I'm 24. So yeah dodged a bullet there. To me it just shows poor judgement. I'm at 10 right now and I think that's way too much. I'd take them all back if I could, except for maybe my first. The rest of them I was at a point where I just gave up on women, and really life in general. At this point I'd want someone who's like me, probably a lower number would be ideal but the individual really matters more.

LaPrimaVera · 2021-09-28T11:05:50+00:00

I dont care about the number because anything that happened before me doesn't exist anymore

geometersbane · 2021-09-27T14:04:40+00:00

For those with marriage (and kids) in mind, it's a valid concern.

For the rest, it doesn't matter as long as she's not a walking petri dish.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2021-09-27T13:54:32+00:00

Every guy would prefer a Virgin but it’s not a requirement.

Thinking about guys our girl smashed puts a bad taste in our mouth.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-09-27T14:40:00+00:00

I don't care about a woman's past if we are just hooking up but for a LTR I prefer women with a low N-count. 1-5, not more. I can see myself dating a girl that has had like 9? I have to be very attracted to her but yeah, it's possible.

Double digits it's a hard no though.

Currently engaged to a woman who's N-count is (as far as she claims) 3 men including me.

She's not a low libido, she's not a prude, sex is great and she sucks like a champ. I taught her, of course.

I'm around 60 women (not counting hookers).

passepar2t · 2021-09-27T14:01:28+00:00

I don't have anxiety about that at all but then I don't want to get married and would just prefer to have intermittent flings forever so maybe I'm the weirdo.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-27T16:40:04+00:00

My first girlfriend was not a virgin. She had at least one guy she banged, possibly more. Even my virgin ass knew she wasn't all that great in bed. Once you've had quality uninhibited sex you don't want to settle for less.

wtknight · 2021-09-27T17:58:26+00:00

Not anxious. I just don’t feel compatible with women who enjoyed casual sex.

I don’t really care about a number as long as she was trying to find actual long-term relationships with boyfriends.

No-Statistician1362 · 2021-09-27T15:08:56+00:00

I'm confused as to why the number of people who would be anxious about that would even matter? Some people care and some don't? Filter each other out.

And stop with the straw-manning for covert jabs, nobody is saying they want a woman with absolutely NO sexual experience whatsoever, y'all take stuff people say here and go to the extreme to make a point nobody even argued, and the turnaround and say “men are so unrealistic”.

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VastlyVainVanity · 2021-09-27T16:06:35+00:00

A virgin by choice (instead of someone with some issues that prevent her from dating) would be very good for me. But I'd be perfectly happy with a low-n woman too.

One thing I'd like to point out is that the number itself isn't the main thing for me. As I've already given as an example in other threads, I'd rather be with a woman who's had 5 boyfriends she loved than with a woman who's had 2 guys she hooked up with occasionally, and even had threesomes with, and another permanent fuck buddy. Even though the latter has a lower n-count than the former.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-09-27T13:47:39+00:00

My man demanded virginity for commitment. But it was an honor culture thing, not a sex thing.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-09-27T19:19:41+00:00

Why would I be anxious about it? If it were someone I like, I'd be disappointed. The anxiety would come from a scarcity mindset, which men should avoid at all costs.

As for preference, if I were picking a woman for marriage today, obviously virginity would be the preference. In that case, we're talking about wife/mother. In a marriage, there are no downsides to a woman being a virgin. They make the most loyal wives. Not to mention, you often have to break bad habits of "experienced" women anyways since they're going to be used to getting away with giving up basic ass sex. E.g. they round their back for doggy, as opposed to arching their back.

I guess the only downside is that you have to take it slow and coach her through sex at first. Big deal. My wife has a higher notch count than me, and I still had to coach her (we got together in high school so we grew together, sexually. Also, I don't recommend men get married straight out of high school. Worked for me, probably won't work for you). The sexual skill floor and ceiling for women is low AF. Doesn't take that long to bring her up to par. Want her to deepthroat you like a pornstar? Here's some numbing spray for your gag reflex, and here's a phallic shaped object you can practice on while I'm at work. Here's a video for reference.

Iron-Giant169 · 2021-09-27T16:18:37+00:00

Pilling_it · 2021-09-27T16:40:00+00:00

I don't exactly get anxious at the idea that some people had a life before me, rather that I'm not big on the idea that she doesn't manifest the same enthusiasm as she did for someone else (different from trying some stuff out and not liking it).

I'd rather have someone that has around the same experience than I do. Very low body count over a given age while she's single is spelling personality problems, and the one with a high body count isn't someone I'd have a relationship with either for obvious reasons.

jayval90 · 2021-09-27T18:17:19+00:00

It all depends on context. I'm 100% fine marrying a young widow who was always faithful. I would be less fine with a girl who slept with her boyfriend before they broke up (even if it was just one). I'd want to know that enough major has changed since then (and not just the presence of regret, either).

As for myself, before I am accused of asking for something I cannot also provide in return, yes I'm a virgin. But I don't think that's the important thing, because women don't care nearly as much about virginity as men do. So even if I am a virgin, I have to offer more than that for it to be an equal trade (of sorts).

Things like commitment, stability, undivided loyalty, etc are the more important things on the table.

FatmanSlim93 · 2021-09-27T19:05:24+00:00

I mean I started really late and only got to 10 but I wouldn’t care what her n count was as long as it’s equal to mine or lower.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-09-27T22:23:44+00:00

What's the difference between tense here?

Let me rephrase the question:

For ppl who get anxious about the idea that their SO is enjoying sexual intimacy with another person, is a low number of affair partners your preference in a partner?

I've never understood this disparity.

It reminds my of this Oscar Wilde quote:

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2021-09-27T22:54:39+00:00

If it's just something casual or a girl I'm seeing I don't really care about body count. Most of the girls I've had seggs with or been in relationships with have had higher body counts than me, but it really made no difference to me because those weren't serious relationships and there was no commitment . My current girlfriend is a virgin and l couldn't be happier with her. There's something insanely attractive about a woman who could literally point at any guy and get sex who chooses not to.So fortunately for me, I was able actually get my preference in a woman and LTR, others might not be as fortunate tho.

carmenknisely · 2021-09-27T23:50:57+00:00

I prefer someone with lots of sexual experience. I don’t want a low count or zero experience partner. I don’t really want to deal with their anxiety or possible envy. I just practice safe sex. I prefer to be intimate with one person at a time though. As an attractive women who’s been single for a long time it’s expected that I have had sex with others before 🤷‍♀️ it be hypocritical otherwise.

Mosagun · 2021-09-28T00:13:03+00:00

I would worry, at least in the early stages of our sex life, that I’m not as skilled as his past partners at pleasing him. But that doesn’t make me want a virgin or low-n guy. With an n-count of zero myself I don’t feel comfortable engaging in physical intimacy and I would feel better if he is already moderately experienced so one of us knows the ropes.

TheElusivePeacock · 2021-09-28T00:42:37+00:00

I only date casually so N count doesn’t matter at all to me, but definitely no virgins.

ffandyy · 2021-09-28T05:45:13+00:00

I find it strange people care about N counts at all provided it’s not some ridiculous astronomical number.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-09-28T05:50:52+00:00

I don’t think the number matters, but there’s some science that backs up if you are constantly sleeping around or using porn and masturbating you will have issues forming relationships.

It’s like too much of a good thing.

But it isn’t necessarily the number because you could stop abusing it and learn to form relationships again. So in my opinion it’s always been about what are they doing now? Are they being promiscuous now? Are they abusing porn and have a masturbation issue? If they are doing that, then they won’t be able to form a relationship.

AreOut · 2021-09-28T11:14:59+00:00

yet another thread where we have women preferring low n guys while in reality high n guys have high n because logically women prefer them over low n guys

hobomojo · 2021-09-28T19:10:27+00:00

Would prefer a virgin, but in this modern world that’s highly unrealistic so I just stick to a don’t ask, don’t tell policy and try to focus on the present.

rick-dicking-morty · 2021-09-29T14:16:40+00:00

I PREFER HAVING SEX WITH VIRGINS

SkookumTree · 2021-09-27T15:36:49+00:00

Hmm. I don't personally find sluts revolting; they probably just have very different experiences and base assumptions about the world that I don't share. My preference is low-n, I guess, although if someone was 26 and had no sexual experience at all I'd be wondering why that was the case. Not that it's a dealbreaker - just that something is going on there.

Mark_Freed · 2021-09-27T15:38:46+00:00

I didn’t expect to feel insecure so I was surprised when I realised how petty I was. I asked my friends and most said it made them uncomfortable but most of my close friends are single so it’s too early to tell. I guys who have a lot of options are really secure in their sexuality and that helps them be ok with it?

When it comes to girls I think trp is right and emotional infidelity bothers them way more. Like do I still think about my first love, talk to her, how intimate am I with my female friends, did I tell them secrets I didn’t tell her… that kind of stuff. Sexual intimacy.. not nearly as much.

I just don’t bring up the topic. I think that’s a better strategy… I might change my mind but since I know it bothers me and I can’t change it I don’t ask and don’t want to know what all she did with him and how often and how many guys.

The only thing that matters is her attitude towards it. The green cases are where she genuinely admits she was young and dumb, she picked a bad guy and learned from her mistake. Usually it’s a one time thing. She learned fast not to go for the assholes.

Or she has one or two serious relationships with guys I can respect. She vetted them properly and had standards. It failed for good reasons.

But who knows I might grow more mature as I age and it won’t bother me if she tells me about how she enjoyed sexual intimacy with someone in the past. The funny thing is, I remember how I didn’t understand why my aunt got angry at my uncle for having a gf before marriage. He never cheated on her and he ended things way before marrying her… but my aunt believes in proper monogamy, one partner for life. I think now I kinda understand her feelings better.

Tugallois · 2021-09-27T16:23:02+00:00

I prefer low-normal N but not 0.

nationearthdotcom · 2021-09-27T18:45:59+00:00

My first partner I have no clue how many guys she had been with, we were both teenagers and I could have even been her first, I never asked, the second girl wasn’t until I was 21 and she had been with 7 guys, I felt inferior because of my lack of experience, my current partner and hopefully wife and mother of my children someday soon was only with one guy before me and I was admittedly insecure about it only because the guy had been with a lot of girls so I still felt inferior, but I am comfortable and happy that her and I have similar number of partners.

I would not be comfortable with being with someone long term who had significant more partners than me not because I think less of them, but I view it as me not having the same opportunities or experiences and that makes me insecure.

Even if I did sleep around I think generally speaking I wouldn’t want to be with someone who has been with a lot of people because it would still make me feel inferior because at this point my history would come later and it would be compensatory as opposed to something that happened naturally.

With that said guys have to accept that the women they talk to have and those pasts have nothing to do with them so they shouldn’t be judgmental, everyone finds their way and when you both are together that will just be you and her so her past shouldn’t matter. I know I might sound hypocritical but my issue wouldn’t be with her past sexual partners and instead with my insecurities and feelings of inferiority

Title	For ppl who get anxious about the idea that their SO enjoyed sexual intimacy with another person, is “low n” or “virgin” your preference?
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	16
Comments	330
Date	September 27, 2021 1:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pwhase/for_ppl_who_get_anxious_about_the_idea_that_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-ppl-who-get-anxious-about-the-idea-that-their.1073984 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073984

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