Women aren’t shamed for their “shallow” preferences like men are

YoviQ · 2022-03-23T15:45:15+00:00

Nothing is wrong with having a "shallow" preference. Just keep it to yourself, don't shame others that don't have the same preferences and/or don't shame those who don't fit your preferences.

andtheywontstopcomin · 2022-03-23T16:44:13+00:00

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WYenginerdWY · 2022-03-23T15:10:32+00:00

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CocoBabeNYC · 2022-03-23T15:01:02+00:00

Here we go again.

funlightmandarin · 2022-03-23T15:03:53+00:00

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EviessVeralan · 2022-03-23T16:34:45+00:00

Have whatever preferences you want. But if you're one of the guys commonly found in RP groups that wants a low n count woman who will also fuck you on the first date, then you will be disappointed.

CatchPhraze · 2022-03-23T17:43:33+00:00

There are literally oodles of examples, including entire subreddits dedicated to shaming them. What you mean to actually say is "the way we shame women for being shallow doesn't effect me the same way as it does when it happens to men, so I'm not aware of it."

2022-03-23T15:30:44+00:00

Mainstream media isn't the representation of the everyday life. This subreddit alone demonstrates the amount of guys that complain about Women and their preferences. Listen to some guys after they get rejected by a girl

sarkington · 2022-03-23T15:13:22+00:00

Because they claim to care about other things. Men don’t do this — they’re pretty upfront that it’s about their penis and everything else is a distant second

_Woodrow_ · 2022-03-23T16:38:29+00:00

Are you kidding? 90% of the posts on this sub is exactly that!

TotalTravesty · 2022-03-23T15:25:34+00:00

It sounds like you’re looking only at what women say. Of course women are going to call men shallow for their preferences but men shame the fuck out of women for their preferences. They’ve even taken their shaming to passive-aggressive “…since I guess that matters” pouting on their dating profiles.

The difference is women don’t care what men think about their preferences and have no shame while men—as indicated by this OP—can’t stop thinking about women’s reactions and feel shamed by them.

flamingoinghome · 2022-03-23T16:46:38+00:00

You know that if random social media women's "shaming" men for whatever "counts", then random social media men's "shaming" women for whatever "counts" as well, right?

There is an extremely vocal group of men who not only are very aggressively against women who have height preferences, but accuse any woman who does not have a height preference of lying. As a woman who does not have a height preference, I have encountered these guys many times, and they are not fun.

The fact that women on the internet seem to roll with the punches more easily when this "shaming" starts up than their male counterparts does not mean it doesn't happen.

funlightmandarin · 2022-03-23T16:16:45+00:00

It's the fact that women are the limiting factor. Men generally want them much more than women want them, so women's preferences are what goes. Sure, shame them; you're just limiting your own already small pool.

Mens preferences is usually more akin to beggars can't be choosers.

Also, how are you reconciling the fact that low-n women are low-n because they have their preferences? How are you gonna have one without the other?

Anyways, who's letting people tell them who to date or not? Why are you letting people shame you for who you share your personal romantic life with? Are you so autistic that you go around telling people "sorry, no fatties" and getting mad you're being rightfully judged for having no social etiquette?

I don't date unattractive guys, I don't shout it out to the world either. I just don't date them.

Forsaken_Software394 · 2022-03-23T16:34:32+00:00

DUH

Because if women aren’t picky as F*CK they will literally be abused and left to be single mothers…

Grappleheart · 2022-03-23T15:15:52+00:00

So what? Honestly things like that don't matter. So what some girls have shallow preferences. Just don't date those girls. If a woman rejects you, think of it as time saved and run after someone else

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-03-23T15:21:17+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-23T15:12:43+00:00

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ruboyuri · 2022-03-23T16:34:16+00:00

There’s many acceptable ways to say it but you guys don’t or can’t. 🤷‍♀️

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-23T16:52:20+00:00

I see posts on this sub and other manosphere subs shaming women for wanting ‘Chad’. Of course men get shamed too, I’m not sure who gets shamed more, but either way you can see plenty of posts like this. It’s not even just in the manosphere, even in female circles on Reddit women will get shamed if they have more traditional preferences.

2022-03-23T18:17:41+00:00

Well I will disagree in that it seems women have a tendency to avoid admitting their shallowness. To a certain extent they seem to be hiding this not only from others, but from themselves!

This explains the vitriol directed at “nice guys tm”. Women say they want a man who is kind, and open with his emotions, and understanding, and caring, and etc etc. then a guy displays some amount of these emotions but doesn’t check off the box that she is hiding from herself be that physically, socially, or mentally desirable traits she will not find that person sexually attractive. When turning these men down they can’t admit that these men just aren’t attractive in these ways so they have to impute all of this malice to these guys. Basically call them manipulative would be rapists.

Coach_Eli · 2022-03-23T18:23:29+00:00

I think both men and women are shamed for their behavior in today's crazy modern dating app world. The key to success is to not let anyone get to you or derail you. If you get ghosted, so what! If you don't get responses, keep connecting with new people and eventually you'll get some responses that will pan out. They key to dating success for both men and women is staying positive and not complaining that no one wants you or you aren't getting any matches. The people that don't complain will stand out and eventually the right people will see that about you and something great will eventually come out of it! :-) Again, stay strong guys and gals and stay happy! Eventually, things will start to really take off for you! :-)

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-03-23T18:28:14+00:00

Men are shamed for expressing any agency, because that's not how society wants to use them.

They're supposed to just shut up, push the wheel, and eventually drop dead. Hopefully quietly.

scwizard · 2022-03-23T20:15:47+00:00

They're shamed for it on the front page of Reddit all the time.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-03-23T20:22:41+00:00

i'm a man and I don't feel I've ever been told I can't have physical preferences, I feel like this is just something people say to tell women they have to date short men.

hearyoume14 · 2022-03-24T00:07:15+00:00

I like looking at old personal ADs and letters.Men’s height (6ft+)is often mentioned in the 20th century ADs. For the 19th century one’s it depends on the the woman’s status. More men than women write in and a wealthier widow could be picker than a poor maiden.

For both men are more likely to mention financials and positive features like being tall and in shape.Women give more physical descriptions of themselves. Less so in the 1980s and early 90s but it does happen.

Part of it could be the increase in nutrition during the mid 20th century. Perhaps our female ancestors used indicators like height to tell if a man was healthy enough to provider for her and her offspring. Given how malnutrition effects growth.There is a cultural aspect of course but I wouldn’t discount our lizard brain.

Women are expected to be picky but men aren’t.

mathisfun100 · 2022-03-24T05:06:26+00:00

I actually made a thread about female body count and got downvoted into oblivion by everyone. There is definitely a double standard when it comes to preferences between men and women. When women have a preference, the guy is expected to do whatever he can to meet that preference. When men have a preference, we're told it's sexist - something that needs to be abolished from society (e.g., no fat shaming, no slut shaming, etc.).

miumiux · 2022-03-24T09:00:02+00:00

Women aren't usually shamed for their physical preferences because on average they respond to character first and they can often overlook appearances if they really like you. Most men can't even give people a chance to show character unless the minimum looks requirements are met. And they make a bigger deal out of it way more when it comes to attraction/dating.

bluehorserunning · 2022-03-24T10:41:34+00:00

Preferring a naturally monogamous woman is not wrong, if you are a naturally monogamous man. It is *hypocrisy* if you're a philanderer, or wish you were one.

Wanting a woman who takes extreme care of her looks is fine, if you are also a man who works out, dresses well, takes care of his hair, etc. It is *hypocrisy* if you're a schlumpy dude with a neckbeard who showers once a week or less, and picks dirty clothes up of the floor and thinks that's fine to wear for a date.

Wanting a woman who will take care of a home and children is fine, if you are a man with the means and the will to support an entire family yourself, and if you understand that this will mean that she will get the kids in the event of a divorce (because she's the primary caretaker) and likely alimony as well (because she sacrificed the possibility of her own career to bear and take care of your family). It is *hypocrisy* if you're unemployed and living in your mother's basement, have no prospects, and have no desire to change any of that.

2022-03-24T15:39:24+00:00

Neither women nor men should be shamed for their preferences. A woman can fuck whomever she wants and a man should be able to be selective about whom he wants a relationship with.

Darklillies · 2022-03-23T15:47:40+00:00

Men complain so much about the height ‘preference’ men also prefer women to be shorter than them. Because sexual dysmorphism. But the reason short men don’t get women isn’t because they’re short. It’s because all they fucking do is complain about being short. I’ve seen short men on tinder get matches, with women who don’t care about height. And they essentially just self deprecate and complain about heigh until they scare her off. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

lolman453 · 2022-03-23T16:33:07+00:00

Women get slandered for height preferences all the time

rootsnyder · 2022-03-23T16:30:44+00:00

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kartu3 · 2022-03-23T16:42:05+00:00

We CAN NOT CHANGE what we like or dislike, ok?

If we could, "curing homosexualism" would be a thing.

It is not.

Now, nothing can stop free individual from a disgruntled rant about certain quirks of the certain danger, but it is largely meaningless.

Because WE ARE THE WAY WE ARE, we can do what we want, but we cannot WANT what we want.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-03-23T15:09:12+00:00

There is no end to men complaining about women caring about height. I'd say that there are more men obsessed over being disadvantaged due to their height than women who are that pressed over finding a tall man. It tends to be more accepted in society to state that men want women who look good and looks are all that they care about than for women to say anything shallow or imply that they care about looks at all.

John_Oakman · 2022-03-23T15:27:40+00:00

Women are shamed by the men who matter or are relevant, and that hurts the most, the pain of which no number of simps, white knights, & male feminists could heal.

And the real men of the manosphere is well aware of this.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-03-23T15:54:07+00:00

Men shame women for their preferences, and women shame men for their preferences. It’s pretty even

HunterOk3550 · 2022-03-23T16:33:28+00:00

I can't diagree with you, I'm as a woman very Embrassed for my gender , as it's very correct that our horrible and very hard to understand height preference. So why on earth men on common don't father up against our shallow and very hollibel and absolutely stupid and with now reason . But may I empathize it's certainly not a thing we women need to have such an height preference. I can mention my own situation and most of my girlfriend's too and every woman on my side of the family. Now women on my family are very tall indeed, but being very tall shouldn't in now way indicate the necessary of tall preference in a guy , most of the women I know are as mentioned very tall, few are below 6'3 tall, but still NO men in the entire circle of friends are 6' or taller, really my husband tend to be tallest of the guys I know, and his certainly not tall , only 5'11,5 , while I'm very tall 6'8, so let me put it straight a guys certainly don't need to be tall or just as tall as us women to attract us, I'd rather say oppersit that a guy is absolutely just as attractive, no matter they are way shorter.

-Giga- · 2022-03-23T18:10:57+00:00

the amount of bitching men do about womens standards every 24 hour cycle is outright BIBLICAL at this point. You cannot be serious

Their height preference is the most shallowest of any preference someone could have, especially in 2022,

MEN HAVE SYSTEMIZED DISCRIMINATING AGAINST WOMEN'S RACE AND ENFORCE COLORISM A MILLION TIMES OVER. Cries about height get zero sympathy from me.

MEN openly demonized entire groups of women for their skin color, features, and hair types. TO THIS DAY, by the millions they stratify in regards to marriage, media visibility, quality of treatment, sex, and dating

And u think the cry of the manlet is valid? ALL men look taller on a stack of money. There is absolutely no remedy for men's lookism and resulting evil against women.

Fair is fair.

Not to mention at least men’s n-count preference can be justified as a way to improve the relationship

There is nothing to justify bc the only people who care about this is men. This is not a subject most women sit there and think about and weak efforts to virtue signal about quality of relationships will ring way more true when the people making these arguments prove an inkling of emotional intelligence. Not about to worry about relationship quality with the tier of men whose self worth is that tied to n counts. I dont even do "sex positivity", the n count talk is a dog whistle for auto-disposed males. Just like the men who say "what do u bring to the table"

Vatiemahr · 2022-03-24T10:13:14+00:00

Oh please, women will be called sluts if they have a type any different than the self-titled "nice guy" that are hitting on them... In what world are they not shamed for having a preference?

TheRealMekkor · 2022-03-23T22:04:15+00:00

It seems like either gender is shamed regardless of the choices they make.

Having children is selfish, not having children is selfish. Wanting a high value partner is shallow.

You get what you put in. If you're making strides to these goals and honest to yourself and those around you, what other people think doesn't matter.

WYenginerdWY · 2022-03-23T17:03:00+00:00

Men are often shamed and called shallow for their preference of a women having a lower n-count.

Because it's in direct opposition to how they act. You should be shamed for being hypocritical. If men aren't going to save themselves for sex and are instead going to enjoy themselves, women should be able to as well.

Men make a bigger deal out of the height preference than it actually is. I know exactly zero women who ended up with their partners because they were tall. You're all building faux outrage over a bunch of hot 21 year olds on tinder that can literally write a wish list and get whatever they want.

SuspiciousMaximum856 · 2022-03-23T16:54:28+00:00

I am guessing most of the people with “N” count obsession are all under 21, and inexperienced.

theogfrankcastle · 2022-03-23T17:33:41+00:00

Whether you have control over something or not shouldn't mean the opposite sex is more lenient on how attractive they find it or don't find it.

I simply cannot personally find a short man attractive.

I'm sure they ARE attractive and lots of other women will value them.

I just can't find them attractive. God help me I tried once but it was literally all I was thinking about when I was with them because I was making a real 24/7 effort to convince myself it didn't bother me when it did.

If not a single tall man in the world ever wants me, then I'll just have to face the consequences and be alone.

No_Tomorrow915 · 2022-03-23T15:11:39+00:00

Women are always shamed for their shallowness, especially when it comes to materialism and hobbies. They are often dismissed as being lame and uninteresting and only enjoying superficial and unchallenging and impractical things. It actually gets to you over time constantly seeing your gender presented as shallow and stupid like that.

Height is actually just one of the many things that I’ve seen women shamed for in terms of shallowness. But usually it’s out existence being shamed as shallow rather than just our sexual preferences. Unlike men who are typically only shamed for their shallow sexual preferences.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-23T15:36:44+00:00

Arguably the height preference can be associated with wanting the best genes for your future children, in which case is it really so shallow to want to give your kids the best chance at life?

2022-03-23T15:43:58+00:00

Woman are easy to read, they get flustered all day long lol

If you're not an idiot the shallowness will be shown to you a lot, don't wife them up if you don't like it?

Urban_Scarecrow · 2022-03-23T15:48:58+00:00

You’re allowed to have your preferences. But you know, if women don’t have high strict standards the cost may be abuse or at worst murder. I’d say the situation aren’t the same and calm down

PurpleKittensRock · 2022-03-23T16:22:58+00:00

N count and someone’s height are two very different things. N count is something that you do, height is something that you are.

But also n-count is a difficult standard to filter by, because while you can filter out people you engage with by height (ie not approach short people), you cannot do this for n-count. And even if you ask - the person might feel too stigmatised to answer truthfully.

Fact is, both men and women will have their preferences regardless of whether we discuss them or not.

And no one is arguing against n-count. You can want a low n-count person, and you can ask a potential person their n-count. If that’s your preference - no one can change that. And they could accept that question and answer truthfully, but don’t get mad if they decide to ditch you, because the conclusion they make about you is also a preference of theirs.

itscoldupheredude · 2022-03-23T16:26:42+00:00

Height = Body count

gotcha, my body count is 163 cm btw

JoeRMD77 · 2022-03-24T11:37:15+00:00

Height preference is a shallow one but I honestly loved teasing my ex's about it who dated taller guys in the past. Shit-testing them is fun.

KirthWGersen · 2022-03-23T15:26:36+00:00

Having a preference for tall men is not shallow.

I am a man; some women are more attractive to me than others: some make my dick hard, others don't. I don't get to choose who I am attracted to.

In my case my preference is 20 cm shorter than me, slim, long hair; and although I am somewhat flexible, there is only so far I can go, no matter how wonderful a personality they have. I have tried. It inevitably ends up with me wanting to just be friends and her having to accept that.

Women don't get to choose who they are attracted to either.

Lotus_82 · 2022-03-23T17:16:43+00:00

Dude you don’t get to talk for men. Outside of incels and other frustrated dudes who aren’t getting laid most of us guys want a girl who’s as sexually experienced as we are as long as she doesn’t have STDs, why would we want to Jane sex with a girl who has no idea what she’s doing and is a boring lay?

Outside of this sub most men have good dating / sex lives, so please don’t act like you know what our preferences are.

2022-03-23T15:22:07+00:00

I would find it a bit hyprocritical if he's a casual sex haver or if he expects a virgin to be a slut just for him, but i don't think it's a biiig deal

2022-03-23T15:34:45+00:00

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hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2022-03-23T15:49:36+00:00

People have preferences yes, that’s natural. I think the rage comes from how they are dealt with.

We can either see the as social constructs that should be dismantled, or we can see it as biological and natural selection which should be encouraged.

I think much of the rage from womens side about mens preferences are unrealistic social constructs that should be dismantled. Men are racists for not liking black women etc. in the same breath they claim their own preferences to be natural and natural selection.

Men have similar behavior where we consider our own preferences natural and something that is nobody else’s business. When women claim it’s natural selection that some men have to go without it clashes heavily with the womens narrative about social construction of womens problems. Mens attractiveness is still rooted in ability to provide and poverty is very much a social construct. However uplifting men is considered a taboo politically.

It would be great if we could treat preferences in a consistent way. Either it’s biology and good, or it’s social constructs to be dismantled. We should not pick and choose depending on our gender.

bubble_gummmmm · 2022-03-23T16:30:11+00:00

Both man and woman shame each other for their preferences but i have to agree with your statemant that height preference is more shallow than n-count preference and still the former is way more accepted.

toasterchild · 2022-03-23T16:32:16+00:00

I don't think N count is a shallow preference really. It's either a valid preference. IE: I want someone who is less of a party spirit and more reserved like myself. Or it's rooted in insecurity of being afraid of comparison to past partners. I don't think insecurity is shallow necessarily - it's not helpful and can be really toxic but I'm not sure it's shallow.

Everything in life is a balance. Everyone has a few insecurities, Everyone has some shallow preferences. The key it to avoid dating people who are nothing but shallow preferences and deep seeded insecurities.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-03-23T16:59:18+00:00

When a woman or society tries to shame me or men I just remind them how shallow women are. Most of the time they choose to ignore my logic because they are too emotional or trying to win an argument. I have been called worse by better is my feeling. I have been branded bitter, angry, hateful, and blocked by men and women for using exact same words in the exact same situation. It is funny how women are strong while being being a victim.

2022-03-23T19:33:03+00:00

Whats an N count ?

2022-03-23T20:01:55+00:00

I hate on women with high body counts but id be just as big of a whore as them if i could get laid as often as women do. I think most men would also.

rhumel · 2022-03-23T20:41:55+00:00

To me women are constantly peer reviewing what they do and what men do. Off course they’re easy on their shortcomings and harsher in the shortcomings of their male counterparts.

Contrary to what happens in here, men as a group are not constantly reviewing what women as a group do. That’s why if women are claiming to want tall men they just say nothing.

Tall men enjoy it and short men realize they can’t do anything to change the opinion of a group and just focus on how to maximize their individual output with any particular woman.

Crying out loud for other people preferences is childish and futile, let them have that and you keep your preferences. You wouldn’t even be able to change them even if you wish to do so. You will either like beer or not even if someone tells you you’re not supposed to.

/EDIT: because I’ve re-read it and I think I was unfair: it’s not all of the women that are behaving as described, is a very vocal minority who are scolding men for their preferences.

mydikishomofobik · 2022-03-23T21:05:16+00:00

Childhood nutrition plays a major part in determining adult height. It isn't all genetics.

Away-Commercial-4380 · 2022-03-23T21:18:38+00:00

How is height more shallow than n-count. Most people can't change any of them in the present. You don't control how many men you have slept with so far.

And yes over the course of your life you can control how many people you slept with. But you could also have taken more growth hormones when you were a teenager.

Besides height is a objective Attraction criteria. I time it's normal not to desire a partner a certain height (which can be sometimes also not wanting someone very tall) meanwhile a n-count generally means little about a person characters and is a totally biased criteria...

2022-03-23T21:24:38+00:00

Just let people live their lives and have their preferences.

FrostieTheSnowman · 2022-03-23T22:25:33+00:00

I think it largely depends on the crowd you run with, but I do agree that society at large will knock a guy for shallow preferences before they will knock a gal. That said, I disagree with using these examples because they are both (primarily) preferences exclusive to each sex.

Weight is a big one. If a woman turned me down for my weight, or in some fashion joked about it, full stop, nobody in the room probably cares. More than likely they will either ignore the interaction entirely or a couple of her friends will join in, and act all aghast at their friend's conduct, but laugh and make little comments that show how they really feel. That's fine, frankly, I don't really care–shows me that the person is a POS that I want no business with anyway.

But hooo boy. If you even IMPLY that weight is a problem in the presence of sensitive overweight women, you are set upon immediately. Not like I go around shaming people for being fat (hell, I'm a fatass too), but I've been asked my preferences before, and when I was honest and said that I prefer someone smaller than me, all of a sudden it's 20-Questions and I'm a misogynist. Once it was established that I don't, in fact, hate women, they looked for other reasons to be upset with me.

"Oh well how can you have that standard when you're overweight yourself?"

Pretty easy tbh, I cultivate a really solid nsfw alt account on reddit to hold me over until I lose some damn weight lmao

BluePearl2020 · 2022-03-23T23:05:03+00:00

That's a people thing.

HotChilliWithButter · 2022-03-23T23:05:38+00:00

Height is important for women as they seek a male that can be the dominant masculine figure and height is just one of those things that people recognise. Also, wearing high heels.

For men the amount of women they have been with might say that they have experience therefore can offer satisfaction in bed.

For women having lots of men is more risky than for men to have lots of women since they aren't the ones who birth a child...

-KiNG-WaVy- · 2022-03-23T23:07:08+00:00

Men just want sex and peace and comfort. Not a girl with the biggest ass and titties, like i say men settle where they find peace not sex

Transmigratory · 2022-03-25T01:30:08+00:00

You been living under a rock?

Title	Women aren’t shamed for their “shallow” preferences like men are
Author	theogfrankcastle
Upvotes	270
Comments	408
Date	March 23, 2022 3:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tkvv4o/women_arent_shamed_for_their_shallow_preferences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-arent-shamed-for-their-shallow-preferences.1107922 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107922

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