Q4M, have you ever rejected a girl because she was too nice?

harmonica2 · 2023-04-14T05:56:11+00:00

Not that I recall to be honest. There is too clingy, but not too nice if that makes sense.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2023-04-14T06:16:42+00:00

No. This is a pretty obviously gendered behavior imo. Women avoid men that are “too nice” because they either come off like like pussies that can’t protect them in dangerous situations, or because she feels like the “niceness” isn’t genuine and only comes from a place of desperation.

Barely-moral · 2023-04-14T10:09:04+00:00

No. Never. Why would I reject positive traits?

Jack-of-All-Mistakes · 2023-04-14T09:55:55+00:00

Pretty sure that's only a thing girls do.

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-04-14T12:12:05+00:00

No. That's something women do.

If you're too nice and you're still rejected, he didn't find you pretty enough.

Kliere · 2023-04-14T06:21:05+00:00

Being too nice has never been the reason why I've rejected someone. I don't think I've ever even seen it as a negative to be honest (unless matched with naivety).

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-04-14T06:58:47+00:00

I wouldn't. That sounds like a drama free relationship

Hosj_Karp · 2023-04-14T08:19:02+00:00

Yes I'm turned off by excessively agreeable people

MarBitt · 2023-04-14T06:10:04+00:00

In my "bad boy" phase, I generally avoided relationships with girls who seemed to me to be genuinely decent, honest, pure and not strong enough. I didn't want to hurt the innocent.

KirthWGersen · 2023-04-14T06:04:23+00:00

Some people who always seem to have toxic relationships full of conflict do tend to reject nice, kind people who could have a healthy relationship with them.

There are a couple of reasons: one is that, deep down, they have low self-esteem and don't believe they deserve good treatment; another is that they are addicted to conflict, erroneously mistaking it for passion, desire and love. They have a fucked-up model for human relationships, probably because of their upbringing or genes that make personality disorders more likely. They need years of therapy and good people should stay far away from them.

Gtedx · 2023-04-14T10:31:41+00:00

A woman being nice is very attractive. Rejection due to niceness is a female thing.

SyrusDrake · 2023-04-14T08:23:07+00:00

No. Although I never rejected any girl or been in a position to reject a girl. So that might skew this data point somewhat.

themostgianthorse · 2023-04-14T13:00:56+00:00

No. Men and women are different.

wtknight · 2023-04-14T11:09:43+00:00

No. I like women who are nice.

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-04-14T11:59:22+00:00

Lmao no. I've rejected women who act too masculine. I've rejected women who were too forward with sex. I've rejected women who were too young for me. I've never rejected a woman for being too nice, that's wifey material.

just_a_place · 2023-04-14T07:18:14+00:00

Straight answer: NO

I have plenty of girl friends who are too nice for their own good and by that I mean socially naive, have no malice, and can easily be taken advantage of. I have dated one of these types of girls once, but we didn't break up for that reason.

A woman being too nice would not be any kind of dealbreaker for any sane guy. As another dude here pointed out, it's actually a very desirable trait for men who are looking for something serious with a woman.

gate18 · 2023-04-14T10:05:16+00:00

Has no backbone, Won't stand up for himself, Scared of conflict

I would not want to be around such a woman. That has nothing to do with being nice. If any woman or man thinks those mean too nice they are using the phrase wrong.

Has a girl ever been so nice to you... that you didn't like her anymore?

So, as in I called her a slut and she "wouldn't stand up for herself", no.

The song you linked to says

but a minute feels like an hour in my mind

Yeah, why would I want to be around such a person? And, of course, what feels like an hour in my mind is different to what feels as such in your mind

Being nice by itself is insufficient for most people to be romantically attracted to someone.

That's true for everything

Being hot by itself
Being introverted by itself
Being extraverted by itself
Being argumetative by itself
Being agreeable by itself

Someone that is one of those with nothing else is boring.

And, yes, I do think there are men (and women) but let's say men, that are in a relationship with a woman that's just one of those things, I bet you anything that they aren't happy - or do not expect their happiness to come from the relationship

The song ends with

and im tellin u I'm pulling away

So, breaking up. Yes both both men and women do that

JumboJetz · 2023-04-14T12:40:28+00:00

Have not ever done that. Too nice is a bonus if she’s hot. If the woman is not hot I can see a man saying “she’s too nice” as a reason to let her down without saying “you are ugly”. Much the same way women might say “you are too nice” when they mean “you are ugly”.

baresquad · 2023-04-14T14:02:51+00:00

Yes, being a pushover who won’t stand up for herself is unattractive.

Annual_Anxiety_4457 · 2023-04-14T15:19:41+00:00

I’ve met a few women who have been black holes of insecurities. The only woman I’ve ever dated was like this and I try to avoid them. There is no amount of support you can pour in that hole to fill it up.

mrcs84usn · 2023-04-14T06:37:40+00:00

If you’re talking “good girl/wholesome,” I tended to stay away when I was younger because I was pretty degenerate. Being nice is generally a plus.

J4Plat · 2023-04-14T07:19:02+00:00

Is this a real thing? I've never thought that. If anything as long as there is some physical attraction it makes me like them a lot more. It has even helped build my desire for them. I think partially because I feel like this is rare. As long as a girl isn't over the top clingy but is just kind then I find it very attractive.

D_D_BA4 · 2023-04-14T07:41:06+00:00

No because women are generally not nice people.

mustbepurged · 2023-04-14T06:00:37+00:00

In my own experience, I would only reject a woman if she was not easy on the eyes. By this I mean a 3.5 or lower on the truerateme scale (this rating and below is when her face has multiple major physical flaws or worse; physical deformities)

Being too nice? Never the primary reason for rejection. I consider myself fairly average at best so any form of nice treatment is always welcome and appreciated.

M3taBuster · 2023-04-14T07:10:20+00:00

No, definitely not lol. I've never been in the position to explicitly reject a girl at all, in fact, but I have chosen not to pursue anything with a few girls that I either knew or suspected liked me, either due to appearance, incompatible values and lifestyle, or both.

gat15 · 2023-04-14T07:02:28+00:00

IMO being too nice is a yellow flag. People should have a backbone and I wouldn't want someone that's a total people pleaser unable to stand their ground and communicate if something is bothering them. They won't have a backbone with you, their family, their friends.

If you really like the person you can help them develop one if possible. I don't think is really that bad really. Someone can be a really good person and problems be mild if they are too nice, but not a perfect thing.

HungerISanEmotion · 2023-04-14T12:16:41+00:00

Yes.

Some of the men here think that women which doesn't have a spine to say no is a great thing because she will be obedient even to a sissy husband.

They forget she doesn't have a spine to say no to anybody.

She will never stood up for herself, you, or your family.

Nobody likes a pushover.

Yin-yoshi · 2023-04-15T04:30:37+00:00

I am 22 now but my highschool girlfriend did tell me I was too nice to her. She was full of insecurities and I used to do my absolute best to be good to her and show her love. Instead I noticed she would become increasingly toxic toward me and getting slick with her tongue.

At one point she even said she "does shit on purpose to see how I'll react"

On one hand part of me wanted to curse her out but the other side of me was conflicted because I realized due to her upbringing she's probably just having a hard time, but I was having a hard time too.

She eventually called me a pussy for... whatever reason I can't remember then broke up with me then wanted to get back together. At that point I reflected on our relationship and declined.

I do believe I was too nice but I don't think it was lack of backbone, I was inexperienced and just wanted to help but that experience taught me that you can't fix people and now I don't tolerate any kind of behavior similar to that first relationship. As for my ex girlfriend I can only hope she has gotten therapy for her issues.

Unfortunately however I seem to be a magnet for "Down on my luck, toxic family and bad upbringing" kind of girls. I'm not attracted to these types but I sympathize with them.

As for me a nice girl would be amazing as it would probably be the most healthy relationship I could ever be in.

As for why women reject nice men (and I mean men that aren't pushovers) I believe that for women DESPITE niceness being a desirable trait it is seen as a weakness in womens eyes. On top of this women who experienced toxic upbringings may have such low self esteem that they see niceness as a trick. I recall my ex girlfriend saying she had to get at me before I got at her or something like that, it makes a bit more sense what she meant now. Fear is powerful and when you've never been treated well you fear for when it all stops so you try to sabotage that.

However I don't think there's anything wrong with being a genuine person with a kind heart or whatever but know when to hold your ground, have some edge and in the context of dating women it's best to throw them for a loop and be less attentive to her because for some reason most women love juxtaposition in behavior.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-04-14T06:52:22+00:00

I have very rarely come across women who are bare minimum acceptable nice. None who were "too" nice. Holy sh**

MediumBaseball5339 · 2023-04-14T08:24:37+00:00

I've rejected girls who were self loathing. No one wants that. You'd pour time and effort into the relationship and them, while they would be in their own heads feeling hate for themselves and bringing down the whole thing a few notches. Never ends well. It means you'd have to wait for them to catch up and that's never a good thing.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-04-14T08:54:05+00:00

No.

For one I’ve never met a woman who’s to nice lol

King-SAMO · 2023-04-14T17:35:53+00:00

Sort of; she was absolutely infatuated with me and i suppose we’d describe her behaviour towards me a simping now, even though that wasn’t a thing back then.

I cheated on her and felt super guilty.

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FlexodusPrime · 2023-04-14T07:54:19+00:00

She was nice and wanted something more than I was willing to give her. She was a rebound and I wasn't ready to settle down.

abaxeron · 2023-04-14T08:24:39+00:00

Not exactly, but I knew a couple girls who liked me but were soooo nice that they simply never communicated their feelings, so I didn't even have to reject them.

It's kinda hard to decide if you like a girl or not when upon seeing you she switches between nervously giggling and smiling with her entire smiler, and avoiding you like a plague. I kinda stuck to the opinion that if she can't step over herself and communicate her feelings, she doesn't like me that much. And then, like, years later, she casually mentions that she actually used to have feelings for me, and I'm like "well, tough shit lass".

2023-04-14T08:31:18+00:00

No but I likely would because I don't like submissive women. I like my ladies feisty.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-04-14T08:35:41+00:00

I tend to feel that bad girls that know what they want can come off as sexier

Also more “ride or die”.

2023-04-14T08:47:39+00:00

Insofar as 'too nice' is a euphemism for 'boring' yeah.

missionarymechanic · 2023-04-14T11:20:37+00:00

I seem to be a magnet for the "women who have never been treated well before." And, yes, they really do freak out over it. It's... really sad, now that I think about it... That kindness can trigger someone into fight-or-flight, because "when is the other shoe going to drop??" is raging in the back of their minds... Anyways.

I... might have done that before? The first time was in high school. She was attracted to me, but I had some severe internalized issues accepting that at the time. Like... I was the kid who ate by himself and was selected as the one girls would torture their "friends" with by coming over to say that she liked me. (As an adult, I look back and always wonder if my reactions to that were justified or if I read it wrong. Like... what if I, the social pariah exploding in anger, hurt someone's feelings and never even noticed? Intellectually, I know girls in my school were awful to each other and my teacher friends confirm that this is par for the course to this day... but "what if?" still weighs on me.)

The second time, I don't think it was being "too nice," I just saw the "shyness" was really extremely low self-esteem. I would feel bad about dropping the pursuit of her, and she would avoid me ever since at the ballroom dance studio, but... I can't "fix" people. And while, on paper, a relationship with someone who would treat her well is a good thing, it won't resolve the relationship she has with the person in the mirror. (And she was quite lovely, too. Getting her to smile and laugh was a reward.)

bigpapirick · 2023-04-14T12:58:20+00:00

Yes. Well it wasn't necessarily that she was too nice as much as we were too similar. I was young (22) at the time and very inexperienced. We had a good relationship, really got along and everyone on paper clicked. But overall there was little excitement and little outside our natural comfort zones that pushed us to grow together. Again, I was young so I think with my current understanding, I would have communicated and tried more. But at the time, I just knew I wasn't that into it anymore and ended it before I hurt her.

Since then, I've been on the opposite end, as you described. I've had women reject me or question my sexuality because I'm not all a "Hey baby, hey shortie, hey sexy" in your face guy. They were used to that approach and also being talked down to and in come cases physically roughed up. That's just not me. But to them, I'm projecting a lack of interest or attraction. I try and help them see they should go talk to someone about these things and wish them well.

SkookumTree · 2023-04-14T13:03:48+00:00

I guess? When I was in college and thought I had options. I wanted an abrasive but caring bitch.

Rahim556 · 2023-04-14T14:28:01+00:00

No. "Too nice" is not a downside for men or a turnoff, unlike how it is for women when it comes to men.

TheDustLord · 2023-04-14T14:39:24+00:00

LaloTwins · 2023-04-14T14:41:22+00:00

Not a single time I actually really like kind sweethearts who encourage/inspire me to be better/see the good in people

megacope · 2023-04-14T14:59:16+00:00

Nope, no such thing as too nice for me. I got enough backbone for the both of us.

bread93096 · 2023-04-14T15:22:02+00:00

Idk about ‘rejected’ cause that would imply they’re asking me out, but being too nice is a turn off for me because it reads naive - and I assume they’d probably find me off putting as well. The nicest girl I know is honestly kind of dumb and interested in childish things. The women I like tend to be smarter, more self interested, and pessimistic about people.

I think ‘nice’ should be reserved for people you know and trust, and the proper attitude towards the rest of humanity is ‘respectful but wary’. Otherwise you’re asking to be taken advantage of. I guess I wouldn’t trust a ‘nice’ partner to make the right decisions under difficult circumstances - like cutting off a friend or family member who has become a liability due to severe drug issues or mental illness and refuses help, for example.

0DarkFlirty · 2023-04-14T16:09:26+00:00

Nope.

Scarce12 · 2023-04-14T16:33:49+00:00

What's it look like for a woman to be too nice to a man.

I'm trying to picture it.

raldabos · 2023-04-14T16:54:14+00:00

No, that's something mostly women do. It's one of those things women don't comprehend that's is different for men.

No_Speech_2309 · 2023-04-14T16:57:51+00:00

Yeah I have but not directly because she was nice but because she was a pushover

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-04-14T17:20:27+00:00

No I have never rejected a woman for this reason. And it is gendered.

Part of performing straightness is for a man to sense when boundaries should be pushed, and then do so when appropriate. This applies in and out of the bedroom.

And yes, the assertiveness required to impress/attract a good 30%-40% of women is more than the assertiveness required to just have a good life for a man.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2023-04-14T18:19:08+00:00

Me yeah but I'm weird

Worldly_Piano9526 · 2023-04-14T18:25:25+00:00

I've never rejected a woman for being too nice but I have rejected women for insisting that I be nice and the really nice ones are also typically very controlling individuals who are trying to baby proof the world and should be avoided at all costs in my experience.

If she is fine with my behavior though; I don't have a problem with her being nice.

And as others have stated; clingy and nice are not necessarily equivalent in this context.

Clingy is demanding, nice is polite, appreciating, and validating.

DicamVeritatem · 2023-04-14T18:49:18+00:00

TheS3KT · 2023-04-14T18:58:07+00:00

If being too nice isn't followed by an aura of desperation then yes it does not work the same way for women. I would argue a goof portion of guys fanastize about the nice girl who looks after them. But reality causes us to settle as we realize no girl is nice all the time.

Royal-Tip4585 · 2023-04-14T19:55:14+00:00

No that’s kinda lowkey stupid

RRBeachFG2 · 2023-04-14T21:08:16+00:00

No , if she is hot enough to get my attention than her being nice is just a bonus on top and honestly makes her closer to wife material.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2023-04-14T21:50:29+00:00

I have only rejected a girl because she wants my type or if I had a girlfriend

Ok-Application-7614 · 2023-04-14T21:57:22+00:00

Fuck no.

lilgingercelt · 2023-04-15T00:54:32+00:00

I have actually, women that are too nice generally go along with the room. So they will disregard their own beliefs and opinions purely to be nice, usually they don’t believe in anything. I’m not to into that, I prefer women who are honest and have genuine core values.

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2023-04-15T03:38:23+00:00

Women don't really ever say that they are nice.

they say stuff like: I'm a total empath because the onion constellation in the stars said so.

and yeah BEGONE THOT!!!

Jazzlike_Worth_9908 · 2023-04-15T04:11:33+00:00

It happened to me several times when the girl is way too into me too quick and super nice but i feel like i'm just going to ultimately hurt her.

In most cases i wasnt sure yet whether id have feelings for them or not but the consequences at steak made me not take the risk if that makes sense.

I believe the opposite happens quite often too where it's the woman trying to preserve the guy she feels she might not reciprocate with and therefore doesnt even give him his chance like i ended up doing with some women.

2023-04-15T07:21:18+00:00

What is this The Offspring?

No, never.

throwawaychris28 · 2023-04-15T14:08:46+00:00

All the time yes. I’m a high partner count man that has difficulty with commitment and tends to go towards red flags like a moth towards flames if that helps

Backas_Before_Work · 2023-04-15T15:14:41+00:00

ITT: lies, lies and more lies.

Women that aren’t attractive and make up for it by being those traits get rejected constantly by men..

Even if all things being equal and the woman were attractive, My answer would still be yes. I get bored of those relationships very quickly and gravitate and find more interest in the pursuit of women that are harder to get.

Why would I want a woman with no backbone, won’t stand up for herself and avoids conflict? It’s 2023, with house prices and the cost of living the way they are I want a part that’s capable of earning a lot to compliment my income allowing us to both live great lives.

Abject_Lengthiness11 · 2023-04-15T16:48:15+00:00

I stopped pursuing a girl because she was "too nice". Don't get me wrong, she was a great girl, polite, funny, smart, but she didn't have the kind of banter that I like.

Khabeni412 · 2023-04-15T16:59:40+00:00

No. Unless they are the female equivalent of "nice guy" incels. I've run into many women who are just as angry at rejection as the neck beard nice guy persona. Usually, if a woman is too nice, she is trying to avoid conflict and a potential "nice guy" overreaction. A genuinely nice girl I would definitely go for. But usually, I'm the one that gets approached first.

fuck8ng-hebhob · 2023-04-15T19:18:55+00:00

the whole "nice guys" stereotype isnt actually based on rejection for being nice, theres a lot of factors at play here

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-04-16T02:15:39+00:00

No. But I feel like I have mentally friend zoned women who are nice to me but not being flirty.

lolmastr13 · 2023-04-16T04:59:23+00:00

Nice no, idealizes me yes. It’d just be wasting our time

Workaholiconew · 2023-04-18T22:31:03+00:00

Q4M, have you ever rejected a girl because she was too nice?

Nope.

As a woman, I hear "too nice" as a stand-in for

Has no backbone

Won't stand up for himself

Scared of conflict

You even hear yourself? Those are good behaviors, considering most women are incredibly annoying cause they are aggressive, bossy and a drama queen.

Being nice by itself is insufficient for most people to be romantically attracted to someone. This post isn't about that. This post is too check if this criteria for rejection is symmetrical or not.

No.

Most relationships for women are mostly a positive with a few things being a negative... so much so being "too nice" is considered an actual problem not a "firts world problem" While most relationships for men are mostly a negative where the guy has to deal with women as a enemies, burdens and annoyances or at best neutral... with a few things being a positive (usually sex and a few cute moments here and there).

Or in other words. "To someone who lived like nobles, getting everything easy, having to tolerate any setback or problem, seems like hell, but to most plebians would be fine if put in the same situation".

Q4M, have you ever rejected a girl because she was too nice?

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Comments

Title	Q4M, have you ever rejected a girl because she was too nice?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	20
Comments	217
Date	April 14, 2023 5:41 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12llo6t/q4m_have_you_ever_rejected_a_girl_because_she_was/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-have-you-ever-rejected-a-girl-because-she-was.1214256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214256