The fact that some men won’t find a partner is fueling unhealthy coping mechanisms & belief systems

grasso86 · 2025-05-07T18:28:06+00:00

I agree they should not be mocked or bullied or discouraged or judged for having more of a struggle. Many people will never know what its like to have that hurdle. The unhealthy belief systems should be judged and discouraged though because that is not ok regardless. Maybe a bit more of a culture or social shift around that struggle would help those guys not fall into a hopeless mindset. I have known a fair share of guys that didn't find anyone until their late 30s and they are decent people and it is rough on them. I have also met a few older single guys (40s and beyond) that had really bad mindsets towards women and no desire to change which is why they would never find anyone. It was hard to even be around them because of the constant behavior they did not view as problematic. Problematic beliefs and behavior should be discouraged. But just struggling in general should not get you shit on. Some guys are awkward, some were not taught well by their parents or even treated well, got unlucky genetics, etc. The truth is they will likely have to work harder than others to find a partner, but that doesn't mean we need to make them feel totally unsupported or dismissed or hated.

RayAP19 · 2025-05-07T17:11:50+00:00

When society increasingly tells a growing number of men (often young, socially awkward, or economically struggling men) that they need to just accept going through life without intimacy or partnership

I don't think this is as common as people saying that a man's dating-/sex-life struggles are his own fault, and that he can turn his fortunes around if he puts in the work.

I'm inclined to disagree with that notion, but that's what I mostly hear.

codgas · 2025-05-07T22:30:08+00:00

It's crazy how there's not one person here saying "yup, I don't have a solution but this is an issue"

It's like there's an aversion from people, it's crazy, I gotta unsub from this sub, I've been around here too long, people suck ass here.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-05-08T03:38:22+00:00

I don't know about you but a ton of men just simply don't want a partner and are happy just being single. There's really no incentive at all for single guys to date or chase women or have any interests in relationships.

It's daunting, it's hard, there is zero reward, and a lot just don't feel the urge bad enough to risk their dignity and self respect on a rejection. Men don't shoot their shot when it means zero points if you make the score and just the act of being there throwing the ball means exposed to ridicule, degradation, rejection, scrutiny, and getting torn down. Thanks but no thanks. You can't fault guys for just wanting to stay out of that spotlight and on the sidelines.

I don't think there is any "void" other than the fictitious one that society keeps pushing on us but a lot of men just aren't buying it. I don't think we are that gullible. It's like some dumb internet cringe guru trying to convince me I'm depressed and his magical book will solve all my problems lol

1st. Diagnosing us with something we clearly don't have is the first problem.

2nd. Trying to sell us a bogus cure to a bogus illness is double the joke. Like in the game Red Dead Redemption where that salesman is selling his "medicinal tonics" to cure a whole paragraph of diseases. lol A "Snake Oil Salesman."

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-07T17:36:55+00:00

This has always been the case. You think loners, hermits, rejects, criminals, outsiders and bachelors are a recent phenomenon?

onlyaseeker · 2025-05-07T18:19:19+00:00

I think a lot of folks who have a hard time with sex and romance are not all hideous psycho trolls. I reckon a lot of them were just shamed into thinking the only virtuous way to meet women was to pretend they don’t exist and hope one picks you.

So you end up with all these guys who are like “nobody wants me” but they never did any flirting and chasing and TRYING.

Cjaylyle · 2025-05-07T17:42:14+00:00

Ok here’s the breakdown of male loneliness

Is it deserved? No, the same way being born disabled or being born in a third world country isn’t “deserved” by those who experience it

Is it something to show sympathy and empathy for? Of course!

Is there a solution to it? Yes, that person works to make themselves more attractive.

Is that solution GUARANTEED a positive outcome? No

Is it anybody else’s fault? No.

Does anybody else owe them sex and companionship? No.

darthsyn · 2025-05-08T10:18:15+00:00

Raise men to be silent, suppress their emotions, and not talk about what is bothering them. Shame men who do talk about their issues so that they withdraw more into themselves and have to hold onto everything and bury it inside. Treat men as nothing more than working class slaves who are disregarded as human beings if they can't provide and whose true value wil only be known once they pass away. Tell men everything is their fault constantly and treat them all as dangerous predators.

"Oh my god why are men like this?! Why can't they take care of themselves?!"

Oh, you mean take care of the issues we were never allowed to deal with?

Tylikcat · 2025-05-07T18:46:14+00:00

I think a big part of the problem is that a lot of versions of masculinity posit that a man has failed if he doesn't have a woman. This isn't a new thing. I mean, go back and look at literature from pretty much any time period that addresses courtship and marriage, and you will find references to men who weren't considered desirable partners. And men who were lauded were also usually framed as being desired by women. This all is cultural shorthand. (And being framed as a punchline is nothing new either. Whether it's the ninety pound weakling on the beach, or the gawky teacher or whatever.)

But we're not talking about something like men not getting education, or housing. We're talking about them wanting to have sex with women. You can come up with programs to get people into school or into housing. But women are actual people who get to make their own decisions, not prizes to prove that you have succeeded in life. Before you come up with anything where women might be willing to participate, you're going to have to come up with a model that really deeply recognizes that women aren't property, and you aren't entitled to pussy. And isn't trying to push the idea that something terrible will happen to society if some fraction of men aren't getting pussy.

(One can make a pretty good argument that historically, any time you had a bunch of men without prospects making a ruckus, you'd send them off to war.)

Now... I can kind of imagine sponsoring socials where young men and women could meet up? But I'm not sure how much something like that would address the issues of most of the young men here. Nor, how many women would be interested.

MongoBobalossus · 2025-05-07T17:10:20+00:00

You’d have to first determine what this “growing number of men” actually amounts to.

You’d also have to prove that their inability to get pussy is a legitimate societal issue.

G4M35 · 2025-05-07T23:54:38+00:00

So, you have outlined a "problem" and it's cause(s). I am not agreeing or disagreeing; but I am asking: so, what's the solution in your opinion?

Gilmoregirlin · 2025-05-08T13:35:13+00:00

I agree there is a loneliness epidemic with the younger generation specifically (20s, 30s) and I think it does effect men more than it effects women. But I think the problem lies with the fact that men think that women need to be the solution to their problems, and that's why they receive the backlash they do and lack of empathy. And by that I don't just mean they think women should take actions, they also mean that if they had a woman it would solve all of their loneliness and life problems, which is not the case. Because only you can solve your problems. And while many women like myself empathize with their plight, empathy does not mean women are going to date lonely men or otherwise date men they find unattractive and this seems to be truly the only real solution they seek.

Men need to build stronger social networks like women, and most if not all of the men who struggle with loneliness need work on their social skills. I am in my 40s and when I compare the social skills of most men my age versus men in their 20s it's like day and night. Even conventionally unattractive men in their 40s and definitely in their 50s have decent social skills. I think that social media, online gaming, lack of third spaces and the pandemic all play a big role in this for both men and women. But the only way to improve your social skills is to use them and when I tell men that they get mad and refuse. And while women tend to be more open to working on themselves, men respond to women's suggestions with anger on how to improve. Like when we tell you that going to the gym is not going to solve all your issues. Take an improv class, take a public speaking class, an acting glass. And of course if you think the solution to your problem lies with another gender and that gender is not solving your problem, you are going to become angry at them. But it's circular in nature because the women cannot solve your problem even if you think they can.

alwaysright0 · 2025-05-07T17:38:12+00:00

It's funny that the threat of violence is always there, isn't it

Women not being able to find a partner has always been a thing.

They just get on with it.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-05-07T18:51:20+00:00

The problem with this assessment is that these men are not innocent victims. It’s not like western countries experience high degrees of gender asymmetry.

You’re not dealing with men who have no capacity to find a mate. Instead, you have large numbers of men who refuse to do what it takes to be wanted. They won’t learn basic life skills. They won’t respect women or accept them as equals. It really comes down to being a better person to find a person. You’re not going to force women into a position where they’re obligated to fuck you.

cutegolpnik · 2025-05-07T21:41:10+00:00

What other option is there other than telling men to work on accepting reality?

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2025-05-08T00:28:10+00:00

I can only tell you what i, as a woman, myself, see you in this situation. And that is that it is not a male loneliness epidemic it's a loneliness epidemic. But when it comes to men, they seem to expect women to deal with it for them and I'm not doing that, and neither are a bunch of other women, like most women. You can say all you want that society treats the loneliness of men and women differently but the fact of the matter is, how they're treated differently is the women are blamed for being lonely, but they are also blamed for men being lonely. You don't get both ways we're either responsible for our own loneliness or your loneliness but if we're responsible for our own loneliness then you're responsible for your own loneliness.

The other issue I see is that a lot of men, not all of them, but a lot that I've seen treat women horribly, talk about women horribly, and blame women for all their problems. Women aren't interested in men who are like that and they're never going to be interested in men who are like that that's not going to change.

now if you guys want to come up with a plan of how to fix this that doesn't involve women doing it for you I'm sure women will be happy to help but only help not do it for you. Men need to do the same thing women are doing, they're expanding their social network they are meeting new friends and being more engaged with their old friends. They are making it to where they may not have a partner but they have friends that are helpful with that Gap and that's what men need to do. Women can't help with that only men can.

And frankly a lot more therapy needs to happen for men.

Robot_Alchemist · 2025-05-08T01:09:00+00:00

Involuntary celibacy?

AngelEyes_9 · 2025-05-08T07:30:16+00:00

TL;DR As more men accept the fact they may not find love, we will see a rise in unhealthy coping mechanisms & extreme ideologies.

To a certain point I agree but what's the alternative? Preaching comforting lies on Reddit?

When you accept the fact that some people just weren't given the right cards, you can spare them from having the current stigma. Because people – especially women – who claim that there's no such thing as a man who's universally unattractive are doing these individuals a brutal disservice. They keep pushing the narrative that only reasons why these men don't get any women is not trying too hard or having some negative personality characteristics. And the result is that men who struggle on the dating market because of objective aesthetic shortcomings are seen as anti-social, creepy, misogynistic and generally bad.

Once society accepts the reality and quits this stupid virtue signalling, stemming from a combination of low IQ and the need for having a moral high ground, I can see a lot of men feeling a relief. Because there will be no additional negative characteristics attached to the fact women don't find them physically attractive.

Doobiedoobadabi · 2025-05-08T15:33:23+00:00

Pin 👏this 👏post

Available-Level-6280 · 2025-05-08T17:14:54+00:00

Let's talk about the moving of the goal posts. First, it's that men are just lonely, and we need to address the male loneliness crisis. Next, it's women aren't having enough babies. And we need to save our society and culture from extinction. And there's that whole thing about how it's bad that men can't get any women to be with them how these men will die as virgins. See, this whole thing is suspicious. I think the powers that be, know what they're doing. It's no coincidence that red pill was created by a republican I think Republican politician. I'm wondering what the end goal is because this whole thing seems malicious to me.

EnoughAd2682 · 2025-05-09T13:20:10+00:00

It's far better to cope than keep trying and failing. The redpill is the worse thing that can happen to a low value man, since he will spend most of his time trying to replace all of his characteristics with chad-like ones. That involve steroids and risky financial investments, wich can lead to a early grave or bankruptcy.

Tili_UnderThe_Bridge · 2025-05-14T10:20:00+00:00

Reddit recommended this reddit to me and there seems to be a lot of upset men here.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2025-05-08T00:42:00+00:00

Men's loneliness and isolation is only a problem if it negatively affects everyone except men in some way or the other. It's kinda obvious that the victim blaming as well as emasculating rhetoric used to describe this loneliness and isolation would result in men becoming even more disenfranchised and detached from society as a whole. The only logical solution at this point, is to have the expectation that a lack of romantic relationship is the norm, rather than the exception for men: and adjust accordingly.

b0f0s0f · 2025-05-07T23:07:41+00:00

Turns out the social structure that we've thrown out over the last 30 years was evolved to solve this problem and now it's gone. Whoops

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-05-07T17:21:27+00:00

I’m not defending any toxic belief system here. I’m saying we can’t be shocked by their existence if we keep treating men's intimacy struggles as either irrelevant or deserved. We need to look deeper at what drives people to such extremes.

Nobody is shocked. Incels are not a topic for anyone touching grass and being out of high school/college. Really, nobody cares if you have sex or not.

As more men accept the fact they may not find love, we will see a rise in unhealthy coping mechanisms & extreme ideologies.

On a societal scale: irrelevant. This is just a hot topic in the echo chambers you frequent and the social media algorithm feed that is tuned to what triggers and engages you.

themfluencer · 2025-05-08T00:25:47+00:00

Bring back monasteries and fraternal orders and the Freemasons and shit!!! Brotherhood is so important!!!

Original-Opening7306 · 2025-05-07T19:20:43+00:00

The fact that some men won’t find a partner is fueling unhealthy coping mechanisms & belief systems

It certainly is and imo miles from reality I am Irish raised in UK when I returned to Ireland in the early 90s there were many older batchelors due to a shortage of women usually the family had emigrated and the the oldest son was left on the farm. These lonely unloved men often lost control and desperately grabbed at women in pubs, cried in pubs became besotted with any new female in town. Sad to see. So desperate for touch and company. Those promoting this fake pretended shortage of women would not be so keen to promote these ideologies if they had actually seen what such loneliness does to men in real life. Most of those men are dead now.

Solondthewookiee · 2025-05-08T00:15:43+00:00

This is what happens when a legitimate societal issue, chronic loneliness and involuntary celibacy, is ignored, mocked, or treated like a punchline

Let's be clear here. Men's loneliness and struggles with dating weren't mocked. The ridiculous belief system they put in place to explain it was.

If there's no healthy outlet or solution offered, unhealthy ones will take root.

There have been many healthy outlets offered, but since they don't involve getting the sex these men want, they are rejected.

This reads very much like "our demands must be met."

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farotm0dteguy · 2025-05-08T01:41:41+00:00

Screwge was fine he had money

Protactium91 · 2025-05-08T03:59:54+00:00

but it doesn't have to be that way. the reality is that many women won't find a partner either. romantic relationships are difficult to pull off for many people, men, women or otherwise and due to many different reasons. a time for reckoning is in the horizon, i think, where we will realize that there's no one size fits all when it comes to relationships and where the foundation necessary to have them flourish has to be addressed first, both as individuals as well as a society. addressing this transition thru the lens of doom won't help with that, though...

ApprehensiveWave2360 · 2025-05-08T08:55:02+00:00

humiliating to say the least but no one cares so it doesnt matter

Available-Level-6280 · 2025-05-08T17:32:32+00:00

I wonder if we could improve things for both sexes by just normalizing platonic relationships or male and female friendships. Maybe it's a cultural thing. Like in the US, I guess the cultural mindset or framework is that women shouldn't approach men first or accept favors or gifts from men, because the assumption is men will expect sexual favors or it means youre interested in them when you're not I heard in Japan it's a little different. I heard misogyny is bad in East Asian societies, especially in Korea, but apparently in Japan, there's groups of kids that like anime and manga and all sit together, etc. Maybe mentality or culture is just different.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-05-08T21:28:05+00:00

Yep, I talked about this a few times before basically, when the message from the otherside boils down to "why haven't these pathetic losers picked themselves up by there bootstrips" ppl especially the left shouldn't be surprised when said men look for something else.

ZennedGame · 2025-05-08T23:04:47+00:00

There is a difference between advising someone to stay single/alone and advising them that it'd benefit them to be perfectly okay with being alone before they seek out an entire other person to spend the rest of their existence with.

It's just that people get lost in the extremes.

Needs moar nuance

ZennedGame · 2025-05-08T23:06:10+00:00

Maybe the same traits that lead to failure to find a partner are correlated with the traits that let unhealthy coping mechanisms etc fester.

Lack of clarity. Lack of proactivity/action. Lack of communication - holding it all in.

Who knows

luvstobuy2664 · 2025-05-10T22:17:53+00:00

A decent person imo, is Someone who takes responsibility for their behavior, regards all people as human beings with dignity, is respectful and kind to people (does not discriminate based on race, gender, sex, class etc.). Decency is simply a base line that involves kindness over performing niceties.

luvstobuy2664 · 2025-05-11T03:08:35+00:00

Men harm women over 92% in Domestic Violence cases. Any kind of pity you men try to siphon off women for not coddling you is truly a pathetic look.

Equivalent-Pie-7148 · 2025-05-11T17:56:42+00:00

OH. I am a living example of this. I do a lot of very risky and dangerous thrill seeking because I have no one to care for or will even bat an eye at my absence. I keep being told I'm the problem yada yada. But I'm "trapped" in between all these people with "healthy" family and their stupid kids. Idc about their kids in the same way you don't care about me or my well being. I drive 100+ and weave through traffic. There is very few higher highs other than intense passionate sex and I'm not allowed to pay for sex. SO, high speed is one way I've found to go enjoy a nice sunny day when it is safest to speed. Unfortunately, the highways are full of old folks and family's going to the parks on thees days. Also, I have little to no incentive to try and better myself. No body wants me as I am why change just to meet someone? I'm not fat, I have my own place, money, I cook and clean and take care of my dog.

luvstobuy2664 · 2025-05-07T17:42:29+00:00

Why can't men "accept the fact" that they need to do a moral inventory and become decent people?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-05-07T17:39:56+00:00

Can’t speak on the partners thing, BUT the Percent of men who reach 44 without ever getting sex is .3 percent

So that means that for 99.7 percent of the dudes here: it gets better.

https://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/love/how-many-people-die-virgins-never-have-sex.htm

Hot-Impact-5860 · 2025-05-08T06:34:43+00:00

It's the same for women. Crazies who cannot get anyone to commit and even if they do, they ruin the relationship with their craziness. That makes them bitter and even more crazy. Tale as old as time.

Title	The fact that some men won’t find a partner is fueling unhealthy coping mechanisms & belief systems
Author	Equivalent-Pie-7148
Upvotes	139
Comments	339
Date	May 7, 2025 5:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kh2n5f/the_fact_that_some_men_wont_find_a_partner_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-fact-that-some-men-wont-find-a-partner-is.1551695 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551695

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