Men and Women need to start settling for the average person

MongoBobalossus · 2025-08-18T19:16:16+00:00

Despite the protestations from this sub, this is already happening irl. There’s a reason most people are partnered by or slightly after 30.

eternal_cuckold · 2025-08-18T20:16:23+00:00

I just want a girl who won't cheat on me and love me. That's all I ask for.

AMC2Zero · 2025-08-18T19:24:09+00:00

The average guy isn't balding and living in a tiny apartment working a dead end job, that's the bottom 25%.

The average woman is chubby, but so is the average man and both usually have a job.

But to me settling is being with someone unattractive because I can't find anyone better and desperate for a relationship.

Why would I pick that instead of waiting for someone better to come along? For as much as being alone sucks, being in a bad relationship is so much worse, I've seen it firsthand.

I have my own standards and I expect someone to be similar or better than them, if not I move on until I find someone that does whether that's someone considered average, below average, or model-tier.

EulenWatcher · 2025-08-18T19:24:00+00:00

Average depends on one's experience. An average for an office worker in their 40s is very different from an average of a person working in cinematography or from a freshman in a big university. You can change your average by moving, changing your social circle, improving your financial situation etc.

There's also a question what criteria we use to say who is really average. Are we talking about appearance? Finance? Hobbies? A man can have a regular job, don't go to the gym, but be great at playing the guitar, and some women do dig it.

People feel less incentive to date. Marriage used to be necessary to keep your social status, to have another pair of working hands, to have kids who would support you when you're old etc. It isn't the necessity anymore, so a lot of people opt out of it. From this point of view, why a person who doesn't feel a need to date should date someone who they might not even be into?

I think it's a better idea to explore what kind of a partner would be compatible with you and your lifestyle. Who are you interested in and why? Why would they be interested in you? This way, it's less about average and more about compatibility.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-08-18T22:51:43+00:00

No one needs to settle. You can stay single. If you’re not enthusiastic about someone why would you pretend otherwise?

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-08-18T19:23:26+00:00

Why don’t average men and women settle for being single instead? I don’t see why people who don’t like each other should be forced to be in a relationship with each other.

Ego73 · 2025-08-18T20:04:43+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being single. Even if there's no one up to your standards, you still don't need to settle.

Advanced-Sample936 · 2025-08-18T19:22:12+00:00

I'm going to play devil's advocate and say "why settle for someone you're not attracted to?" You say it's better to die loved than die alone, but are you truly loved if the person you're with doesn't actually want you but just picked you because they couldn't get what they really wanted? Personally, I wouldn't want to be someone's "fine, whatever, you'll do." I'd rather die alone than live with a person who resents me for not being what they want. That said, I do think some people have unreasonable standards, built from scrolling social media too much. People no longer know what normal is. My sister had a male friend who was shocked that not all women looked like instagram models, that instagram models didn't even look like instagram models. I think for women, they're not so much looking at the man, but looking at the lifestyle a man with money can provide. Both need to turn off instagram and look around at the real world.

attendquoi · 2025-08-18T19:20:02+00:00

Desperate people absolutely should. The rest of us would rather be single than with someone substandard.

Somerandomdudereborn · 2025-08-18T19:20:26+00:00

Is the average men balding at his 20s and the average women jobless and chubby?

I don't think your talking about average in these cases.

But even then don't agree, getting settled for is generally worse than being single so unless you're desperate it's better to just not getting settled for at all.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-08-18T20:58:44+00:00

Does anyone on this sub actually go outside and observe real couples?

lesliecarbone · 2025-08-18T21:16:13+00:00

No, I actually have no need to settle for anyone, average or otherwise.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-08-18T19:46:35+00:00

why not stay single instead

WebNew9978 · 2025-08-18T20:33:30+00:00

Well people to a degree are already doing this OP. It’s rare to find a 40+ year old virgin who’s never been in a relationship before. But they are out there.

bobbyg06 · 2025-08-18T22:26:20+00:00

You’re kidding right? Most men can’t even find a 3/10 to be with anymore….

Throw_r_a_2021 · 2025-08-18T19:51:07+00:00

lol, no

I’d much prefer to be single my entire life than to settle for being in a relationship with a woman I’m not attracted to. Not sorry.

AreOut · 2025-08-18T19:44:16+00:00

"There's a trend in todays world that every average joe deserves a beautiful women."

where is that a trend?

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-08-18T19:34:58+00:00

No one should be dating people that they don’t want.

wtknight · 2025-08-18T20:06:39+00:00

Nobody needs to settle for anybody if they are happier by themselves. Many people are happier by themselves because technology has made it easy for people to live and to be happy by themselves.

CrackerUMustBTripinn · 2025-08-18T20:21:24+00:00

Why would you need to settle? Why should anyone be with anyone if they aren't attracted to them? Isnt it a wonderful achievement that almost for the first time in human history, people are free to not partner up, because they have to because of survival or from social pressures to do so?

To me it seems way more sad the idea of someone out of desperation or necessity setteling for a partner they feel no attraction to. Celebrate that you are free, and have the freedom to chose your own path in life, and if thats not being a commited relationship, then that should be totally fine as well.

When this argument is made, it has this very incelly vibe of someone that wants their pool to increase with the people who are now too demanding and stuck-up to settle for their unappealing potential partnership.

Don't force that please. Either stimulate selfimprovement, or greater acceptance and fullfillment of people's physical and emotional needs outside of a longterm social/sexual relationship. Because shaming people for being picky does noone any good really. Except perhaps the incel who now gets a shot at the reluctant pressured individual to accept you as a mate despite lacking any attraction towards them.

Soft-Neat8117 · 2025-08-18T20:24:14+00:00

I'd rather be single than be with a woman I'm not attracted to.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2025-08-18T23:37:28+00:00

They already do! Unrealistic standards are not actually a problem for most people. A whole lot of people have excessively low standards, and could frankly stand to raise them.

If you're totally unfuckable, it's not because of "unrealistic standards." It's you are so undesirable that you are excluded by everyone's standards.

Also: a lot of times you get rejected it's not because you're too ugly or too poor. It's because the other person simply does not enjoy your company and doesn't want to fuck you enough to put up with it. Ticking someone's boxes does not guarantee that they'll actually like you.

Upstairs_Web_9068 · 2025-08-19T01:30:45+00:00

Huh, living in studio in your twenties is bad? I guess my mommy and daddy weren't rich enough because I think it's quite good affording to live in a studio in 20s

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-08-18T19:38:51+00:00

If ppl expect natural desire and sex to happen in a relationship then all of this is really irrelevant and being single is probably a better option.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-08-18T20:31:52+00:00

Being not single is not the end goal by itself. There has to be reasons to be in relationship. For each their own. And you can't actually just tell you need to settle to not be single without knowing what this person wants (and i'm not talking his criteria, i'm talking about end goal, to see if settling would help him or not). Without that it's just ridiculous. We all need to grow potato sounds just as stupid.

KayRay1994 · 2025-08-18T20:43:06+00:00

I entirely disagree - though from an entirely different angle.

I think there is truth in what you’re saying, recognize where you’re realistically at and stop aiming higher than your own worth, but also, I am also of the belief that if you’re not in something fulfilling, it isn’t worth it.

Now, when I say fulfilling, I don’t mean “aim for the most attractive person possible” - someone could be your perfect type physically and even as far as values but could also be dull as dirt.

I think it’s time we focused on prioritising chemistry and connection. Stop trying to ‘obtain’ a partner and maybe figure out who you resonate with, and I can tell you for myself - unless I find someone I resonate with and someone I’ll be happy to be with, I’d rather stay single

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-08-18T21:05:13+00:00

I agree. Everyone else should do this but not me though. I have special reasons for holding out for Ms. Perfect.

ScruffleKun · 2025-08-18T21:32:58+00:00

When as people did it standards and expectations begin to become so unrealistic that were now unable to date anyone who isn't perfect?

Seeing as most countries aren't seeing a massive and sudden population collapse, people are "settling" for normal people rather than unicorns.

Salty-Brilliant-830 · 2025-08-18T23:02:25+00:00

being single is great though, why throw it away without getting some kind of trophy

ReasonConfident4541 · 2025-08-19T00:39:48+00:00

The problem with your post is that "fat women" won't settle for average guys but a lot of average guys I see actually ok with fat women

OMWSpuds · 2025-08-19T01:14:04+00:00

"There's a trend in todays world that every average joe deserves a beautiful women"

Lol where? Literally the opposite, if anything this type of thinking was more prevalent back in the "good old days".

flipsidetroll · 2025-08-19T14:08:43+00:00

If it means an average person is a redpiller, no thanks. I dated one and turns out average men can be lying cunts too. Who woulda thunk it?

Dramatic_Survey_5743 · 2025-08-18T19:19:39+00:00

They do settle, out of nececessity. The average person isn't physically active enough to preserve their looks if they had any into their 30s, its rather rare honestly outside of social media.

The average guy isnt waiting for a bombshell to show up, hes ok with an average girl, its just the average girl spends her 20s being chads play thing on tinder the past decade until she decides she wants the guy who wont leave and is nice to her.

growframe · 2025-08-18T21:18:02+00:00

Men and women don't need to do anything. The dating market is better off with people dating who they want

themfluencer · 2025-08-18T23:02:01+00:00

Industrialization and consumerism made it so we soothe ourselves with new, shiny, perfect objects rather than accepting the imperfections of the world around us. The more “picture perfect” an image of life were sold, the less happy we are with what we have.

NavIsShit · 2025-08-19T00:15:37+00:00

Did this then realised it's a miserable existence waking up to a man you will never be able to love and pretending. Waking up single is better

ThyDoctor · 2025-08-19T00:16:09+00:00

I’m sure my wife and I are average to most people but I’ve never met someone who I’ve loved more.

berichorbeburied · 2025-08-19T02:17:15+00:00

I disagree with you completely

I can’t physically have sex with women I’m not attracted to. It’s not even the same type of sex. I don’t get happy around those women. I don’t try as hard. I don’t care as much. Etc etc

And women primarily want men to be wanted and desired by them and value them for the effort they put in

I on the other hand value the attraction the most

I can meet up & fuck both a 20 yo with huge boobs that’s my ideal fantasy type. And a 18 yo that’s bare minimum what I’m attracted to

I guess the odds of this happening is low. But it’s happening for me. Hopefully. I’ll try not to fumble it

Mountain_Sand3135 · 2025-08-19T02:35:30+00:00

not settle.. for pete sake...date and find someone at YOUR LEVEL...jesus if you are a 5 find another 5 stop thinking you will get a 10

it so simple that has been made so difficult

SteveSan82 · 2025-08-19T04:17:47+00:00

Men already settle for below average such as non virgins

YeaNobody · 2025-08-19T05:15:48+00:00

This isn't news and is happening every day and has been a thing for a long, long time. Problem is....that facade can easily blow up in your face.

3stun · 2025-08-19T07:29:37+00:00

Stop rejecting the fat girls, you might think their not in your league but I'm sorry to tell you if your not getting matches on line or your getting rejected in person that's probably because your shooting out of your league.

Where are those fat girls you're talking about?

...oh, they're standing in line for Chad, waiting to get a piece of him...

A piece of Chad >> Full-size normie, even for a "fat girl"

WingAffectionate1757 · 2025-08-19T07:50:57+00:00

If I'm fit and have a great job I'm not settling down for some slob with no ambition.

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-08-19T11:10:39+00:00

I much prefer my own company in all honesty nowadays.

One finds a level of peace and happiness in old age.

_todd_kobell_ · 2025-08-19T19:09:17+00:00

Why does it matter what other people choose? It is none of my business who people want to date or try to date. who cares.

_todd_kobell_ · 2025-08-19T19:14:57+00:00

I’ll never understand why instead of working to be more appealing, people try to argue that everyone else should lower their standards. So dumb.

Exact-Inspector-6884 · 2025-08-18T19:33:01+00:00

CAUTION: Speaking from the position of a man

By settle, I mean marry to clarify.

It depends, at least to me, on the stage of life you are in, as well as your sentiments. You should settle when you are younger, preferably below 35, and do not settle for those divorcees. If you are lonely and young, try to find some good coping mechanisms, maintain your health, and find someone to settle with.

If you are lonely and older, the same thing, but if you can't get over loneliness, get a casual girlfriend. Do not marry a non-fertile woman; marriage's WHOLE purpose is for Children. You can still affirm your love without the government interfering with your relationship dynamic.

If you are an inexperienced dude and you pick a promiscuous woman, I hope you have some mental fortitude. It can get testing as you get older, and she does not want to do the same things with you. Or she doesn't lust/love you like her previous relationships. Avoid this situation, be completely secure in yourself or at least be a certain level of detached.

When as people did it standards and expectations begin to become so unrealistic that were now unable to date anyone who isn't perfect?

When the systems at hand started failing. "You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems". No accountability, responsibility, and enforced norms for either gender means there are infinite ways to mess up.

GrouchNslouch777 · 2025-08-18T19:56:56+00:00

Standard nonsense OP: misreprents the men to minimize the truth (women).

petellapain · 2025-08-19T09:00:41+00:00

You know damn well men aren't the ones who need to be told to settle for average. Men act like getting an average chick is a comeup. Women find average men repulsive

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-08-18T19:17:57+00:00

Translation: hot women should settle for angry, antisocial men

MaulerX · 2025-08-18T20:53:51+00:00

Men arent the problem. Women, in general, arent going after their looks equivalent. They have sex with a 10/10 guy and think they actually have a chance with 10/10 guys. The 10/10 men are sleeping with every women they can.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-08-18T23:33:04+00:00

there is no trend where average joe only goes for the most beautiful women. and I also don't agree that dying alone is better then dying loved or whatever.

however I do fully believe that everyone deserves to know the truth, luck is a huge factor in everything and some ppl are genuinely just less fortunate then others. my problem is that instead of trying to emphasize with these men the blue pill feels the need to beat them over the head about there preconceived moral failings.

Men and Women need to start settling for the average person

Comments

OkCupid’s findings (circa 2009)

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Preferences Vary by Gender

Title	Men and Women need to start settling for the average person
Author	Nearby-Rutabaga6164
Upvotes	39
Comments	186
Date	August 18, 2025 6:41 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mtume6/men_and_women_need_to_start_settling_for_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-and-women-need-to-start-settling-for-the.1559894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559894