Guys seem not to understand the concept of enjoying one’s company.

Zabadoodude · 2026-02-03T15:41:32+00:00

People want their partner to be interested in them sexually as well as enjoying their company. If your partner only wanted to fuck and didnt want to talk to ypu outside of that, that would suck too.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-02-03T14:37:23+00:00

It’s less a “guy” problem and more a problem that comes along with having no standards, not bothering to vet, being willing to “date anyone”, and then being shocked that they ended up with someone that they have no compatibility with.

Many men do enjoy the company of their dates… when they date someone they get along with and share interests with.

And many women complain about men not being fun to date. Which is equally a “so don’t date him if he’s not fun” situation.

I don’t know why being fun and enjoying yourself are so unpopular these days. I assume it’s generational depression.

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-02-03T16:24:01+00:00

This feels like a convenient reframing. Nobody is saying interest only exists if sex happens immediately, but that high interest is almost always accompanied by sexual desire. So if there's no sex, it likely means there's also no interest. I don't care about the sex itself, I can get it anytime, I only care about what it means. When a girl tells me to come upstairs, I don't think "finally bro, it time", but "okay, so she's mine if I want to".

I can read social cues just fine. The problem is that enthusiasm without desire is almost identical to a platonic politeness between friends. Sexual interest cuts through that ambiguity fast.

This is less about guys lacking social skills and more about you seeming to pretend attraction is optional in romantic relationships which is not.

mashedturnip · 2026-02-03T14:42:27+00:00

Sex is the priority, followed by service and fidelity; actually liking the person is a distant third at best

Men openly say this all the time; it’s not a secret

Smart-Mall4110 · 2026-02-03T14:55:29+00:00

Many men know that a woman is interested in them before they have sex. You find out by having conversations with them. And you enjoy their company. I am in a relationship where we enjoy each other's company without sex-it's just the icing. Every woman that I have been with was interested in sex too. You learn that attraction builds and self-sooth knowing that you are in a committed relationship.

DragoonGirl · 2026-02-03T19:41:11+00:00

Honestly now that I'm thinking about it, even when guys are amongst themselves the conversation seems to stray around them having sex with eachother, a commonly known straight guy joke, or what women they find fuckable. Like it's always about sex...

midnight_blue77 · 2026-02-04T06:56:38+00:00

I can reply by saying that women don't seem to grasp that "enjoying one's company" is not the same as enjoying a man's utility. Women, even here when they describe the men they're with, always use language that suggest they enjoy what the men provide and conflate it with enjoying the man's company. No ladies. Just because you enjoy what a man gives you does not mean you enjoy the man's actual presence. You just enjoy the gift, not the giver.

The old Red Pill axiom states. "Women love what men provide, not the men themselves."

If you enjoy being with your man because he provides anything from cash to a sympathetic ear to your problems then yes, you enjoy his services, not his personality. Men are a utility for women, not an actual person.

5339Times15 · 2026-02-03T14:45:26+00:00

Not sure about intent of the guys you are referring too, however in a relationship I want to enjoy the company of someone who also sexually desires me. If you don’t sexually desire me or I don’t sexually desire you why would I want to date you and not just be friends? Women also seem to share this sentiment when rejecting “great guys” because the attraction is not there. Nothing wrong with having standards IMO

Sophisticated_Cynic · 2026-02-03T16:06:30+00:00

Men feel loved through sex. It’s really that simple.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-02-03T15:21:38+00:00

Look, I basically agree with a lot of what you're saying....

But, I think some of the struggle here is in knowing if you enjoy someone's company or if they enjoy yours and what it means to enjoy someone's company.

And I think particularly struggling to marry that into a romantic context.

And then this is often compounded by things like autism or ADHD.

And then compounded by a sort of grass is greener mentality or FOMO.

And finally the attempt to transition from we're friends that enjoy each other's company to the "something more" element.

This isn't necessarily rocket science, but it's not PAW Patrol Either.

Blacktransjanny · 2026-02-03T23:36:03+00:00

Why do women think just brining their presence is enough to sustain a relationship?

MarioWilson122 · 2026-02-03T20:47:19+00:00

Well, if she’s making him wait for free then sure she could like him. If dude is waiting weeks or months and having to wine and dine her the whole time, then she likely doesn’t like him too much. Especially if she didn’t have other guys do that to get sex.

So its based on the situation at hand regarding this. Nothing wrong with looking at it in that way either, since men want to be like sexually. So being able to have sex is a good indicator that they are liked in the way they want to be.

Thin_Struggle4168 · 2026-02-04T02:40:17+00:00

This is bullshit. If a woman is really into you, she wants to have sex with you.

HiraldoCoil · 2026-02-03T17:30:00+00:00

Sex is the deciding factor in male/female relationships, it is a biological fact and is the single reason we are all here today.

Normal men are socialized enough, they are friendly and polite which is why they struggle to attract women.

There are just as many male losers as there are female losers, a vagina doesn't exempt you from being a loser.

We don't believe you when you say you want to hang out just to get to know us without sex or romance because if you did, you would also pay the bill and suggest the place. You go for what you really desire not always what you say you desire, many men obediently like dogs rush to act on what was said, but things are changing.

SeemedGood · 2026-02-03T15:03:28+00:00

This is super easy to understand.

If a woman is willing to be sexually intimate with you in relatively short order without the condition that you provide her with some other utility, it’s most likely because she finds you sexually attractive enough that she is unwilling to make sexual intimacy with you transactional.

If she is unwilling to be sexually intimate with you in relatively short order and requires that you provide her some other utility first, it’s most likely because she DOES NOT find you sexually attractive enough to generate desire for sexual intimacy with you without a transaction in which you provide her with some other utility.

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-02-03T15:50:48+00:00

Isn’t this the whole autism problem?

Unless you’ve getting sex or other strong sexual favours, they don’t like you, whereas a “normal” person would understand that’s just not how it works, and would understand this person liked you by their more subtle movements.

I always think guys here are like Sheldon from BBT, except their sex obsessed, and would probably to guilt trip penny into sex

IgorXY · 2026-02-03T14:53:53+00:00

I don't know what to respond to. Like usual you start with one topic and then your rant takes to somewhere else entirely. Let's focus on the title and the first part.

It’s really weird how many guys believe they can only figure out if a woman’s interested in them if she’s willing to sex with him immediately.

No one said "only" but it is definitely a very good indicator. What is sex to you? What do you think is sex to most people? Who people have sex with? Do you think casual sex is different from ~~competitive ranked~~ serious sex? Are there a different set of genitals or movements involved? Why women, interested in just sex not go and prostitute themselves to earn some money while they are at it?

Because people have sex with people they are attracted to. Simple. So why willingness to have sex is a bad indicator in your opinion? Because it takes time to get comfortable to do such an intimate act with someone? Fair, but what is the same woman had no such concerns with other guys in the past? This is illogical. Hence the consistency argument that you disagree with but can't really say what why is it wrong.

I wonder if they even have people who genuinely want to hang out with them as friends

Yes, and there is no sexual or romantic desire, because friends are... friends. That's why when we go on dates we expect something different. Do you date everyone whose company you enjoy?

coochie4sale · 2026-02-03T16:41:15+00:00

Honestly this isn’t just a guy problem. This is a “valuing sexual attraction and nothing else” problem which I’ve seen in both men and women.

Honestly, I had this problem when I first started dating. I was so happy to be with women of any kind that I’d just go out with anyone on the condition that they were attractive to me (and even then!), and had XX chromosomes. I’ve never had so many awkward dates in my life. This started to resolve itself when I started to screen for compatibility beyond attraction (are they in college? Do they smoke/drink/party? And, so on so forth) and lo and behold, things started to suddenly get better.

A big issue I think you’re making is that you’re only considering the views of people who have a scarcity mindset. The people on r/DeadBedrooms value sex above all because they’re not getting any imao. And, the guys who say “who cares if the woman is educated/like me/etc” oftentimes struggle to attract any women. Ask a thirsty person what’s the most important thing in the world. They’ll say water. A poor person? Money. A ugly person? Beauty. You get my drift. I started to value compatibility much more when I suddenly realized it was no longer a problem to attract women and I could actually be somewhat picky. The median man is not struggling and likely knows that if he wants a successful relationship, he should have a relationship with both sexual and platonic compatibility, so his selection preferences will likely reflect this. I would say struggling guys don’t understand the concept of company, and they likely do, they’re just not in a position to choose.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-02-03T20:39:59+00:00

Most men will never have the options required to ever date or partner with someone they especially like the company of, that requires having a lot more choices then what most men will ever be able to have. So this fact along with men having to be the driving force behind relationships in general would only make sense why men would have a harder time telling if any individual women liked them to whatever degree.

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WaitingForTheFire · 2026-02-03T20:40:22+00:00

I think there are a lot more socially inept people out in the world than you realize. Sometimes it can be quite difficult to know exactly how the other person feels about the interpersonal connection.

Alternative_Cod2280 · 2026-02-03T21:38:23+00:00

Depends of how the person in front is willing to give back or leave space to share.

If the woman only give one word answers and is dry as fuck or if shes a moulin a paroles and doesn't let say anything, how is either case there can be an exchange?

Also far too many women think themselves important or interesting than the men they have in front but are actually very mundane, have platitudes or nothing beyond their life routine to talk about, just as much , if not more than their male interlocutors. That's must be explain why most women only want a men better than them in all areas.

If the only thing interesting about you is your nether regions, it's your problem, not men's.

Akusd5 · 2026-02-03T22:27:14+00:00

Again this is something that’s equal for women.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T18:22:01+00:00

People can have a good time with other people no matter their inner feelings. Which is why having someone you get along with doesn't really show whether that's purely platonic or not.

Relationships, especially marriages, come with a lot of sacrifices and mistakes. So yes, if someone offers you the thing that matters to you the most in order to feel loved, obviously you're gonna be more acceptable or blind to some issues. For men, it's most often sex. For women, it's most often money, their partner's capability, or children.

Also, sex is pretty important in order to maintain a fulfilling romantic relationship...considering that intimacy is LITERALLY what makes the difference between a romantic and platonic relationship.

This-Register · 2026-02-04T19:01:59+00:00

So you're saying that men shouldn't take sex as the only form of interest women have in them? I mean sure but that's really what differentiates a friendship from a relationship. If you don't have the guts to confess how you feel then you can't fault them for reading your cues wrongly

LoveTheSmellOfBooks · 2026-02-05T03:16:32+00:00

I dont understand. Enjoying one's company as a platonic relationship or romantic relationship

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-02-03T14:47:24+00:00

You would understand more if there were guys you were more attractive than who wanted to be in a relationship with you, I think. I don’t believe you know how looks based the average woman is. A valid problem that guys have is that, with purity culture being completely dead among most college educated women, the only metric for if a woman actually wants him is if she sleeps with him.

From women’s perspectives, they may like my personality, but from my perspective, literally any woman of any personality or background will behave the same towards me as long as I’m physically attractive to them. They don’t care about compatibility for hobbies or culture, they just care if I’m fun in bed. I can take a sip of caffeine, avoid controversial topics, and be “chatty” with almost anyone, even if I dislike them.

Interstate-8- · 2026-02-03T15:51:23+00:00

sex is very important to some people. if a woman doesnt want it straight away, either it isnt important for the woman (mismatch in values) or the woman isn't attracted to the guy (especially true when the woman is willing to be with others straight away). why would a guy want either scenario. you can enjoy someones company (and they can enjoy yours) whilst both of those scenarios are true but thats called being friends

Albedo200 · 2026-02-03T15:41:10+00:00

If all you want to do is enjoy their company, then just be friends.

Im not going on dates just to enjoy their company and make friends, like most people im going on dates to get into a relationship.... And believe it or not, sex is important for a relationship, atleast for me and majority of people. If i dont see any interest on a sexual relationship from the woman im going on date with, then there is no point for me to continue cause i was not there to look for friends, i already have enough

Trancetastic16 · 2026-02-03T19:01:17+00:00

Personally as someone with uncommon life goals and romantic/intimacy gender roles and tastes, including pegging, Dom/Sub, a verse/switch, masculine and feminine terms of endearment, and more, flirting in such manners is a part of healthy bonding time enjoying each other’s company like any other.

You’ve been explained this countless times by other user’s who feel similarly.

I’d be willing to date an Asexual person who wants sexual intimacy for my sake to fulfil my kinks a minimal amount, but discussing such compatibilities through flirting on dates is simply a necessity even if we take weeks or months for full intercourse.

DietTyrone · 2026-02-03T19:04:43+00:00

Guys seem not to understand the concept of enjoying one’s company.

Yes, they do. There friends enjoy their company and vice versa.

if someone can move who likes to spend time with you?

Friends can like to spend time with you.

simple concept of wanting to hang out with a person

Friends like to hang out.

Had a friend claiming that her husband was being a bum and a loser….. but he was always a bum and a loser even before he married her. The difference was he stopped having sex with her after seven years of marriage. So yeah, I dont take the “sex is so important in a relationship” community seriously for that reason.

So sex was taken out of the romantic relationship and now that relationship is failing. What were you trying to prove here again? Sounds like it was clearly important in your friends relationship, as the lack of it led to her thinking less of her partner.

“Is she just using me?”, “Is she enthused to be around me?”, “What if she’s just with me because she settled”, things you should be able to spot without sex.

So men are also being critical of their partners due to the lack of sexual intimacy but how is this any different from the story of your friend? All you've proven so far is that sex plays a big role in having a sustainable romantic relationship. Which makes sense, since it's different from a mere friendship where you just enjoy the other person's company and expect nothing more. Both men and women tend to expect a certain level of physical intimacy when they commit to one person. For some reason you chose to make this specifically about men despite your female friend having the same issue and responding negatively as a result.

GothicFuck · 2026-02-03T14:35:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DietTyrone · 2026-02-03T15:31:05+00:00

Someone doesn't seem to understand that a romantic relationship and spouse are different from a platonic friendship. If the only thing one wants is to enjoy a person's company, they can just be friends with that person. Being in a romantic relationship with someone comes with the expectation of a certain level of desire and physical intimacy.

This is at least the second time you've posted something like this with what I just explained already having been explained to you by other people, yet somehow you still don't get it.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-02-03T14:41:41+00:00

There is a difference between hanging out with a person and being around them for things. Sorry that we believe women need to do more than exist in our presence to show they are interested.

DropSlight809 · 2026-02-03T15:35:59+00:00

Well, maybe you're not speaking to me because I of course prioritize enjoying spending time with the person I want to date. That's like the bare minimum standard for any friendship, let alone a relationship.

If I don't enjoy someone's company, I'm going to do everything in my power to minimize being around them. I don't see how actively trying to minimize being around someone could possibly lead to a sex or a relationship.

However, in a relationship, I do have a higher standard, and yes sex is an expectation in a long term committed relationship, at least for me.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-02-03T20:38:41+00:00

I mean, I enjoy the company of a woman the most when she's on her knees sucking my dick. Maybe that's just me?

To be less crass - (and this may come to you as a shock) men gauge women's interest in terms of sexuality because both biology and society are largely structured around "value" being STRONGLY correlated to sexual desire. I have no desire on trying to change this or having a philosophical discussion about the moral implications of this. It just is.

Your point about DeadBedrooms is off-base because in those cases (i.e LTRs), the DeadBedroom is the symptom.. not the problem. If you start off having hot passionate sex 3-5x a week and 5 years in it's once a month and routine missionary.. There's probably something off, no?

So no, sex isn’t the only thing that matters (especially in LTRs). But its disappearance (in LTRs) is often the clearest, least deniable signal that deeper problems already exist. Dismissing that signal doesn’t mean people are "emotionally enlightened"... it usually means they’re ignoring reality.

Hope that helps.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-02-03T14:31:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Terrible_Mixture_759 · 2026-02-03T14:43:05+00:00

Idk a guy is a general annoyance to women at the best of times. So hanging out in person starts out as a negative.

Guys seem not to understand the concept of enjoying one’s company.

Comments

They say that in this very subreddit. Why are you lying?

Did he ask for a hookup?

You are doing this to yourself.

Title	Guys seem not to understand the concept of enjoying one’s company.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	22
Comments	376
Date	February 3, 2026 2:29 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qutecv/guys_seem_not_to_understand_the_concept_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-seem-not-to-understand-the-concept-of.1572624 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572624