Most guys don’t fail in dating because of looks or status. They fail because they don’t understand banter/tension. This is literally the foundation of conversation attraction.

Good banter is controlled disagreement. It’s a micro push-pull dynamic where you’re displaying 3 important personality traits:

1)you have a point of view

2)you’re comfortable with friction

3) you don’t get reactive under pressure

What most people don’t understand is that when you banter, you’re subconsciously signaling how you’ll handle real disagreements in a relationship. If you fold, get awkward, or become passive aggressive, it tells the other person everything they need to know. If you can hold your composure, defend your perspective, and know when to step back in a relaxed, light hearted way.. that’s attractive and shows emotional control.

The problem is most peopld either avoid tension completely and walk on eggshells or try to “banter” but it comes off forced, weird, or try-hard so you get people rambling logically about irrelevant things, afraid to say the wrong thing and create friction… OR... making the most milk-toast “jokes” like arguing about pineapple on pizza or starting lame disagreements to try and signal which is safe nonsense and NOT banter. it doesnt hit emotionally.

Real banter has risk of actual offense. That’s why it works. it shows the other person, youre prepared to handle any comment thrown your way which is an extremely important skill when raising children and navigating long term relationship with a partner.

Now, to be fair, modern dating dynamics don’t help. A lot of guys feel like women are more easily offended than before, so they default to playing it safe but this is EXACTLY what makes the date forgettable 90% of the time. if you talk to women you'll quickly find the majority of guys have subpar banter skills and when you talk to men, they feel ever woman is hypersensitive and cant handle a mild joke at their expense.