Women rarely get criticized for being bad in bed

Fragrant-Menu215 · 2026-04-06T19:59:07+00:00

It's because a guy will still get off even when she's bad. That's really it. There's nothing deeper to this.

harmonica2 · 2026-04-06T18:40:36+00:00

Men dont seem to care near as much about performance compared to vice versa.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-04-06T19:05:21+00:00

There are multiple reasons for this, starting from the strongest and working down.

A woman's inexperience is generally valued by men. We like to imagine that we're first, or that we're the biggest she's ever had, or that she 'never does this kind of stuff'. Therefore, being "good in bed" can be a bad thing for a woman.
being perceived as "good in bed" is highly subjective. If you're incredibly attracted to someone, you're going to perceive any amount of effort as way hotter than if you feel like you're 'settling' for them. Since women are more selective, men are more likely to be the one enjoying the experience more
Post-hoc rationalization: Women who hooked up with a guy hoping it would lead to something and then it didn't are sometimes likely to rationalize by saying "eh he wasn't that good anyway". This also can be re-packaged as "he had a small dick" or "he was weird"
Social airbrushing: A guy is going to get more props from his bros if he describes his sexual expirence as transcendent rather than putting the girl donwn... whereas a girl will often receive more validation or social positioning if she downplays a guy she hooked up with's performance. And if she's talking to a dude about it, it strokes his ego.

bluepillarmy · 2026-04-06T19:45:34+00:00

You could always just not have sex anymore if you’re not getting what you want from your partner. This works for both men and women.

fucksiclepizza · 2026-04-06T21:34:06+00:00

A man can still get off during bad sex. For a woman that aint happening and can actually be painful.

Bikerbats · 2026-04-06T18:53:33+00:00

That's because the repercussions of being bad in bed are different for men and women. I've been with my share of those who I'd call "bad in bed" and the difference between me and woman with a similar list of men who were "bad in bed" is that I still got off. When women complain about men who are bad in bed, it's often a guy who didn't get them off. This isn't complicated at all.

TheColdWoman · 2026-04-06T18:39:13+00:00

Google the term "star fish"

averageTdude · 2026-04-06T18:59:52+00:00

Im not sure how true this is. If anything I'd say under the great influence of porn modern women feel more performance anxiety than ever.

Men are also much more likely to be unsatisfied with the woman in their lives due to the expectations brought on by heavy porn use

I think criticizing women for an underwhelming performance in bed is becoming increasingly more common. Sad part is women have to live up to unrealistic expectations

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-04-06T18:47:18+00:00

So how are women supposed to get good at sex? 🤔By having sex right? Well that leads her to try things she will not be interested in repeating with future partners and increases her body count which men don’t want either of those things to occur. So the only other solution is to find a good woman in other aspects, marry her and then learn to enjoy each other in the bedroom. Men and women are different so stop treating women like we’re defective men.

-mixedsignals · 2026-04-06T19:07:27+00:00

Because men have it easier orgasming and having a good time in general. They keep the bar very low (this is not a good thing because she could be still as a corpse and a guy would still have fun with her)

Also there's the gender expectation that a man is the leader. So if he's the leader, his performance is going to be judged. I'm all for destroying gender expectations.

Also there's weird purity culture, ncounts and all that, where if a woman is considered "good in bed" it usually means she's a whore. Not a good thing to call a woman (outside a relationship obviously)

Lemon_gecko · 2026-04-06T18:53:45+00:00

You can't simultaneously want virgins and criticize women for being bad in bed. Choose one.

Chemical-Low209 · 2026-04-06T21:05:59+00:00

Because men can't get sex as easily. So they value sex highly even if it's bad

love_in_october · 2026-04-06T19:17:08+00:00

Many men treat women as basically interchangeable in terms of sex. If that isn't a massive insult to their partners' sex skills I don't know what is.

Affectionate_Way7132 · 2026-04-06T18:47:17+00:00

What do you mean by "open about criticizing"? Sure, women's sexual performance is a lesser used comedic topic, maybe because there is just less (fun things) to say about it. Correct me if I'm wrong but if women are "bad" they are mostly just passive. When men are bad, they tend to come at you with a spectacular sense of ignorance, selfishness and/or entitlement. Look up orgasm gap.

In terms of actual private chatter among friends, why do you believe men and women wouldn't talk the same way?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-04-06T18:56:23+00:00

“You are only as good as your dance partner” applies here. Yeah, first time together might not be the best, but it’s up to you to find out what she likes and make it better for her, just as you can communicate (both verbal and non verbally) on what you like, to get to a point where you’re both enjoying the experience.

I used to always take the Boy Scout approach with things and always leave a place nicer than I found it.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-04-06T19:44:09+00:00

We’ll care when men do

Nellylocheadbean · 2026-04-06T19:24:16+00:00

Men can begin to criticize women for their performance but we know they won’t because that’ll probably lower their chances of having sex which they can’t afford to do.

Also, I think many women don’t care about pleasing men sexually because sex isn’t as important to women as it is to men.

DenverKim · 2026-04-06T20:23:36+00:00

Men are often criticized over women because it is the men who have the orgasm and then just stop because they are done and don’t care about the pleasure of the woman. Once he gets what he wants, he’s done.

That is what men are criticized for. And it’s not all men, but it is common enough that a lot of women have come to believe but it is all men. And it’s a huge reason why a lot of women stop sleeping with their husbands. They no longer want to have sex with him because he doesn’t make her cum. He still wants to have sex with her though because he gets to cum every time.

And I’m not really sure what you’re talking about when you refer to all these women who are so bad in bed… Are you talking about the women you yourself have slept with? Or are you just making this assumption based on what some strangers said on the Internet? How many women have you even been with?

icypiee · 2026-04-06T20:17:42+00:00

When a woman is bad in bed, the man is still pretty much guaranteed to get his nut off. That’s all men really care about.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-04-06T19:06:24+00:00

That's because most men have very low standards for what is considered "good" in bed. They just take what they can get.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-04-06T22:44:36+00:00

The appropriate person to give this feedback to is the one that's bad in bed. The fuck do you expect us to do about your mediocre sex life?

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2026-04-06T19:41:23+00:00

Aside from someone just like laying there and not participating, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sex are pretty subjective. Things like kissing styles and various ‘skills’ just comes down to compatibility

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-04-06T19:47:15+00:00

Because even if a woman is bad in bed, it’s likely the guy is still going to get off and will not be afraid or in pain at any point. The same can’t always be said of men who are bad in bed. So we’re looking at the difference between mild disappointment and a potentially very negative experience.

Puzzleheaded_Fig6519 · 2026-04-06T20:30:45+00:00

People know that women don't react the same as men to criticism...

Women can go around telling people how men are trash but the moment you criticize women , you're a scumbag regardless if the criticism is based on logic or not

Just think about it :

■ Jason spent 2 months courting Jane then they had sex... if Jane tells people that Jason is selfish , she is right and it's another reinforcement of " men are selfish during sex ".

If Jason tells people that Jane is a starfish then he is either an ungrateful scumbag or it's his fault for not turning her on cause " women are active when they like the guy "

And even if the criticism and complaints don't spill outside of the relationship... Jason telling Jane that she is a starfish during sex is just a one way ticket to never having sex again and almost every average dude knows that...

What people don't say outloud is the average man is raised with the mentality to not " fucked up " with women and that they won't get another chance after

brazenbull09 · 2026-04-07T23:48:08+00:00

I honestly blame men for this. We expect too little from women and sex in general. The bar is genuinely non-existent.

Like the most a guy expects from a woman is to be clean and know how to give oral WITHOUT teeth. I think thats why so many guys are borderline superficial about the women they want to fuck, it's to compensate for the woman's lack of effort.

Most of my experiences have been with pillow princesses, and in hindsight, the majority pleasure came from my lust.

Another thing is the imbalance of desire. Foreplay is almost always focused on the woman, and most women never consider to do anything to get their man turned on, I think they rely too much on our lust, as in, them being naked should be enough for us to get going. For 99% of men, that is the case, hence why I blame men for this situation.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2026-04-06T21:09:45+00:00

Men really suck at envisioning what it’s like to be the penetrated instead of the penetrator and it shows.

Go get pegged and then come back and tell me who gets to be good or bad at it.

Make pegging widespread and normalized and we’d have a more empathetic world.

Fast_Bag_3329 · 2026-04-06T18:47:54+00:00

we are not as sex obsessed as men are so our self esteem doesn't ride on what men think of our performance in bed. really, you ought to thank your higher power if you manage to get anywhere near a hole

oppositegeneva · 2026-04-06T19:38:09+00:00

Men are going to orgasm even if the woman is bad in bed

but I have heard a few of my male friends complain about “starfishes” and women who suck at giving head

Hungry-Plantain-3315 · 2026-04-06T19:16:21+00:00

Be the change you want to see.

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KayRay1994 · 2026-04-06T20:12:26+00:00

Is it a double standard? Or is it that men aren’t criticizing women nearly as much as women are criticizing men?

Why would straight women have an interest in how women perform in bed? Of course, bi women and lesbians do have a claim, but then how you press on their individual experiences?

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-04-06T22:43:51+00:00

It’s easier for men to get off. If a woman is bad in bed, odds are the dude still got off. If a man is bad in bed, odds are the woman did not get off.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-04-07T01:22:07+00:00

This is mixing up types of pressure. Women aren’t “not criticized,” they’re heavily constrained in how they’re even allowed to develop sexually. There’s a real reputational tightrope that limits exploration. Men get direct performance pressure and ridicule, women get identity-level judgment and restriction. Both are bad, just in different ways. You can’t look at one visible form of criticism and pretend the other side has it easy.

Lost_Reaction_5489 · 2026-04-07T01:40:12+00:00

Starfish, can't ride, teeth during head, too loose, odors etc. Those are common complaints. And with all that straight men still get to orgasm 95% of the time, and straight women as low as 40% in some studies.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2026-04-07T03:00:48+00:00

I think some of this comes down to how men and women define bad sex. For a lot of women, myself included, bad sex is when it physically hurts. Some of the things you mentioned, like not enough foreplay, the man going like a jackhammer, etc, don't just make sex not feel as good, they make sex hurt. For most men, it seems that bad sex is sex that didn't feel as great as it normally does, but it wasn't painful, and they still had an orgasm.

For any guy who's curious as to what it feels like, hook a finger into the corner of your lips, then pull. Now imagine that pain down below. If a woman isn't fully aroused, that is what she feels during sex. My first partner was a less than considerate lover, and the sex was bad. I was lucky if I got 5 minutes of foreplay before he got bored. I used to have to bite a pillow so I didn't cry out from the pain, and I would often bleed for a day or two. My body wasn't ready, so penetration caused small tears. Even after that relationship ended, for a long time, I considered good sex to be sex where I felt nothing. Feeling pain was bad sex. Feeling no pain and no pleasure was good sex. Feeling a little bit of pleasure and no pain was amazing, out of this world sex.

I'm not saying that men shouldn't ever talk to their partner's about how to make things better in the bedroom. We all like different things, so it's important to have open communication. I just think that the consequences for men being bad at sex are greater than the consequences than women being bad at sex (severe pain and injury to the vagina, vs. not being quite as pleasurable).

ctrl_f_sauce · 2026-04-07T03:23:21+00:00

You will just sound bitter.

bondepart · 2026-04-07T04:10:36+00:00

You can’t just be naturally good at sex. It takes practice. Yet the women who’ve got good at sex from having lots of it are called sluts and whores. Make up your mind.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-04-07T09:18:29+00:00

Because the overwhelming amount of men are just happy to have someone at all, this is the way it is fir most things between men and women as well men just happy to be there/included while women unhappy with/refusing all but the exceptional.

Serahill · 2026-04-07T15:22:38+00:00

As a lesbian I definitely disagree with this. You might not criticize women for being bad in bed because you might not care or it might not make much of a difference in straight relationship. In queer spaces I see people criticizing certain types of people (pillow princess for example), but most often it is about a woman not communicating or having a hard time finding a rhythm that makes them bad in bed.

smoll0d1ck0beta · 2026-04-06T19:37:39+00:00

Because people associate good sex with orgasm which is stupid.

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-04-06T20:43:32+00:00

Men have the burden of performance. The best thing a woman can be is excited to be there and enthusiastic because that’s where their A game will come from. You gotta bring it out in her though.

Women who hate porn realize it creates an impossible standard only if they’re with a dude they don’t desire all that much. The shit I’ve done and stumbled upon makes most porn look tame.

Big-Locksmith-535 · 2026-04-06T22:20:42+00:00

There's no such thing as being good in bed, because it's subjective like someone else said, one size doesn't fit all

One girl will think you're the best for jack hammering her and setting her on fire, the other girl will say you're the worst etc

High_Pains_of_WTX · 2026-04-06T23:23:46+00:00

Some of y'all speak for all of us like we are rock eating wild animals. I'm attention deficit- if a woman I am in bed with doesn't capture my attention with some effort and a small modicum of skill, I'm not orgasming.

And because I'm not a 12 year old, it won't be "doesn't matter; had sex." I'm a grownup, and Imma be pissed because I cant get that time back.

DriverInitial8305 · 2026-04-06T23:58:37+00:00

A lot of the comments confirming what I said above. The fact that people think “getting off” means the sex was good for the ma is pretty insane

Financial-Result-502 · 2026-04-06T18:46:43+00:00

I agree. Weak leg muscles for bad dick riding, strong gag reflexes that get in the way of head, loose pussies because they don't do their kegels. If we get cheap legal prostitution back in America then women's pussy power will be nuked and they will have actual competition. They can either step their game up to rival the pros, or they can be left behind.

Training-Cook3507 · 2026-04-06T21:16:16+00:00

Oh yeah, most women do absolutely nothing.

Title	Women rarely get criticized for being bad in bed
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	103
Comments	238
Date	April 6, 2026 6:37 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1se7f99/women_rarely_get_criticized_for_being_bad_in_bed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-rarely-get-criticized-for-being-bad-in-bed.1577301 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577301

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