Does making one wait for sex actually help anyone? If yes, then how long?

cowfishAreReal · 2021-07-01T13:26:06+00:00

The reason many people wait to have sex until they actually know the other person isn't to make the other person wait, it's because they're not comfortable having sex with someone they don't know/trust

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2021-07-01T17:25:29+00:00

I treat sex with the seriousness biology carried before contraceptives. I only have sex with a man I’m going to start a family with. This generally takes 6 months - 2 years to know.

This is a hard line I don’t compromise on for anyone, not even the chadliest of chads. He can fuck off with his slimy, promiscuous, STD riddled dick. My children will have a stable family.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-01T13:42:56+00:00

People have different kinds of sexuality and not all are really comfortable with having sex early on. Some need time to develop this deep physical attraction in the first place, so it isn't always just about "making him wait", but about giving yourself the time you need.

Having said that, I understand why some people might abstain from having sex even when they totally want it, because they aren't sure whether the other person has the same intentions as they do or not. Waiting a bit can help to vet out at least some "pumpers".

raphaellastorm · 2021-07-01T15:38:38+00:00

I wait to have sex for the simple reason that sex is special and intimate to me and I don’t want to have it with someone I don’t really care about. Honestly, I would prefer to wait until we we were both exclusive and in love to have sex. I just don’t enjoy it otherwise. I see a lot on this sub about how “women don’t enjoy it because they don’t communicate,” but I’m very shy and I don’t feel comfortable with someone I don’t know super well. It seems so strange to me our culture has made it normal to have sex so soon. You wouldn’t introduce someone to your family or say I love you right away, but sex is okay? Doesn’t make sense to me personally. They’re all intimate and intimacy takes time. It’s not about pure “attraction.”

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-07-01T14:33:36+00:00

It absolutely 100% helps. Notice its mostly men who get angry and say it doesn't work, because it so works. Men who is actually interested and willing to know you as a person will be ok to take things slow. Men who sees you as walking vagina will throw tantrums when you don't go to his place for Netflix and chill.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-07-01T16:29:38+00:00

Naw, he won't pump and dump unless you having nothing else to offer as a grown adult woman or are a low valuable. Most men commit and get clingy and weird after sex and cannot shake them. I don't know where the lie is that men are less clingy comes from. In my experience, a great deal are crazy and emotional. Whoever said "just be pretty" or "just have sex" have a pattern of exhibiting low valuable traits and also have to train their man or need tons of weird strategies, gender 'pills', or are on some retard shit like "I don't know why I did it, I just did!" High valuables are looking for content and substance; communication, women that understand themselves and desire.

You need to communicate what your terms are and what you want like a grown woman to a grown man and you'll alright, buddy. It shows you have something to offer and aren't playing any games. Everything is business. No one is interested in someone with a bad pitch, bad offer and low valuables. If you are a genuinely HIGH VALUE WOMAN you will be around HIGH VALUE MEN by default and proximity - your value is communicated indirectly by the market - and if you are genuinely into him FUCK HIM and don't wait. There is a high probability he will stay, get clingy, still do gentleman deeds and go the extra mile - she shouldn't feel too insecure if she knows what she is doing.

You shouldn't be screwing random men and expecting them to stay. You screw random men because you like it. Relationships come with the territory. Little girls with low valuables and nothing to their name banging men in hopes of commitment out of childhood trauma and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Borderlines need to go withhold sex and do whatever it takes.

Different strokes, different folks.

helloiamheretohelp · 2021-07-01T16:31:21+00:00

I will actively reject a girl as a relationship prospect who makes me wait past the third date.

I don’t care how hot she is, my mental health in an LTR based on a lack of insecurity about whether she finds me attractive is more important

Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-01T14:49:29+00:00

It works. Despite what PPD men, most women are not going out and fucking Chads in bathroom stalls within 30 minutes of meeting him. Such women do exist, I’m sure, but they are not the norm. Getting to know someone before you have sex with them is smart. A pandemic’s worth of Investigation Discovery would teach anybody that.

Big-Professor7351 · 2021-07-01T14:42:00+00:00

What counts as waiting? Three dates within 2 weeks, 2 dates within a month, 8 dates within 2 months?

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-07-01T18:50:22+00:00

The only way I would even entertain waiting for a woman sexually is if she's a virgin or has a body count of like one or two both in the confines of serious relationships, other than that something don't waste your time fellas, has bad deal written all over it

thetruthishere_ · 2021-07-01T14:01:47+00:00

I dont make them wait, it just naturally happens that way. The men I was in long terms with didn't push sex. It happened in a natural flow of getting to know each other after a month or two.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-07-01T13:49:08+00:00

Until you are reasonably sure that you are both really into each other.

Even then, there's no guarantee. There is such a thing as sexual compatibility. Waiting doesn't' guarantee that you'll be compatible. But if you enjoy hanging out together, then waiting a while should be no big deal. And then there's the question of what else is permissible while you are waiting - my first girlfriend and I didn't have piv sex until months after we met because we didn't have birth control, but we did other things and that was fine.

badgersonice · 2021-07-01T15:53:34+00:00

I didn’t “make him wait”. I waited until I felt comfortable for my own reasons, and he could take it or leave it. I didn’t follow some weird calculated plan to “make him wait” so that I could avoid “getting attached too quickly”. How long I waited wasn’t really about what he wanted at all— it was about me.

I just… liked him, but didn’t feel comfortable with that level of intimacy at first. Then I got to know him better, got more comfortable with him and fooled around some, discussed being exclusive, and made a decision that sex would be fun and worth it even if we didn’t work out in the long term (we did, though, which is awesome). It was a decision, but not one based on some math formula like “if I hold off on sex for X weeks, then this alpha man will definitely want to marry me and will never leave me”. I didn’t know if I wanted to marry him yet either at that stage, good grief, but by that point I knew his character well enough to guess he wasn’t a total cad.

Think of it this way: you don’t know how serious you want a relationship to be at first either, so you don’t share, say, your bank account information or some intimate secret about yourself with a girl on the first date, right? But you would do those things with someone you trusted enough to marry. I get this isn’t a good analogy in the sense that money and secrets aren’t like sex, but I’m trying to get you to understand how risk and trust play out in waiting. You might not feel confortable sharing something risky and/or intimate with a near-stranger you don’t trust, but would feel comfortable sharing that risky something with someone you trust more after knowing better who they are. And that wouldn’t be you “withholding” your bank account info or your secrets, it would just be you reasonably waiting to feel comfortable with the person before taking that risk.

SaBahRub · 2021-07-01T15:26:41+00:00

Duh, of course it works

People are lazy

After you weed those out, it’s on a “get to know” basis, which will vary depending on how often you see them.

Personally, I’ve never dated anyone I didn’t know first before introducing the possibility of sex into the equation

1Here4Bach · 2021-07-01T15:27:11+00:00

Yes it works. It works in weeding out the men who just want sex and vetting for positive traits which explains why the men here hate it so much. Any man who demands sex with the first 3 date is a fucking weirdo and is not a man worth having.

midwesternMD · 2021-07-01T22:55:45+00:00

I’m a heterosexual man, and I don’t think it helps.

For one, if she’s going to weaponize sex like that, she’s not the right woman for me.

For two, if we’re not having sex by the 5th or 6th date (because I don’t have great game/swag), even I cut her loose.

Delaying sex (with me, at least) isn’t going to stop a “pump and dump.” If the sex is atrocious, I will dump immediately. (Has happened once) If the sex is mediocre, I’ll see whether it gets better after a few more times. And if it doesn’t, I’ll dump because of that. Or…. if I didn’t have a conscience, I could keep dating her for mediocre sex while looking for someone more compatible. I suspect that enough men do this that there’s a reasonable chance women waste their time with men who won’t stick with them.

Or I’m just self-interested, and hope that a little thread on this subreddit is going to shift the sexual moires in real life. Yeah, right.

CantBonkThis · 2021-07-01T13:23:04+00:00

I guess it helps restaurants

gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-01T13:41:22+00:00

Lol. If a woman is attracted to a guy she will want to have sex with him asap. The longer she makes you wait, the less interested she is.

IMO women who are legit interested don't hold out.

Ok-Caramel777 · 2021-07-01T13:27:17+00:00

Idk, not a fan of it. When you say "making him wait" it already implies he's gonna get it, which is not true. But yeah, choosing the pace so to speak is better than doing whatever someone else expects from you

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-07-01T15:22:35+00:00

I make them wait because men are willing to fake a relationship just to get laid. But, that presumes the existence of a relationship. If a guy is good only for sex, there's obviously no point to waiting.

The longest I've made a guy wait was maybe a few weeks...? I really can't remember.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-07-01T13:21:54+00:00

Waiting only works when you are dealing with a guy who doesn't have other options. With men who do, this is about as effective as putting a band aid on a broken leg.

f1vepointoh · 2021-07-01T14:10:03+00:00

If you arent a virgin you dont have a leg to stand on.

You cant expect somebody to be loyal to you while you make them wait. My rule if a girl makes me wait is ill tell them. "Okay thats fine, but i wont be loyal to if you make me wait its your choice". If they dont like that i tell them to take care. Lifes too short and you only have your youth for so long.... idc how hot you are... you could be a 10 i literally dont care my loyalty is earned not just given.

superlurkage · 2021-07-01T16:20:30+00:00

Strictly off dating apps or irl strangers? I’d say 3-4 dates or 3-4 weeks, whichever comes first. And there should be meaningful communication in between, and lots of google/social media stalking. No, these would not be expensive or man pays all dates, so don’t whine about cost

That, of course, would be my absolute last resort for a relationship, after I’d exhausted family, friends/social circle, work, hobbies, and neighborhood/community

richlad · 2021-07-01T14:18:21+00:00

I don't want a woman to make me wait for sex because it would mean she doesn't desire me as much as I desire her and I wouldn't even pursue him if I don't desire her so she already knows how much i desire her.

At the same time I don't want her to sleep with random guys as early as possible because I don't want a slut in my house for that i hire prostitutes and escorts.

So I want her to sleep with me ASAP but not sleep with other guys even after several weeks of dating.

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MasterTeacher123 · 2021-07-01T13:53:02+00:00

There’s two flaws with this idea

1.)He could be “waiting” for you but sleeping with other women. You think he’s abstaining because you’re so special meanwhile he’s been getting his dick wet the entire time

2.)He can be a loser with no options other than you. He has no problem waiting, you’re the only woman giving him sexual attention. Making out with you is better than his hand the last year

Every girl I ever had sex with we start fucking very early, maybe not the first date but within a few meetings. The sexual chemistry is just too much to deny

mimblezimble · 2021-07-01T14:34:34+00:00

Does making one wait for sex actually help anyone? If yes, then how long?

You need to have some kind of deal in place. After that, you can immediately start having sex. The problem is that the only such type of deal in widespread use is called "marriage" and is now totally discredited.

Waiting for sex does in itself not put in place such deal. Hence, waiting does not help, while going ahead and proceeding immediately to sex without a deal is degrading for the woman.

The man would have to be able to commit without the risk of the government sticking its nose into the matter. Since the feminist government will always try to do that, you cannot get commitment from a man. Hence, there is no solution possible.

Hoopy223 · 2021-07-01T15:00:39+00:00

It doesn’t matter. Relationships are about your personalities, values, goals etc. Only a psychopath would base it on manipulation and power.

thegr8profiter · 2021-07-01T15:12:12+00:00

Most of times, she is trying to get as many free lunches at expensive restaurants. So as a man, what you have to ensure is the woman is not on welfare, has financial stability and she is doing this to vet you..and she has used the vetting strategy on her past partners as well....

If you cannot ensure any of this avoid such women.

rft24 · 2021-07-01T15:38:47+00:00

it really depends on the individual, what they believe in, what they want, and mainly what it’s supposed to be helping. for someone who just wants casual sex or short-term relationships and/or someone who believes sex doesn’t have to mean anything, then waiting wouldn’t help. for someone who wants the opposite or believes in opposite ideas, waiting would help.

personally, i choose to wait. there is never a set time, it just depends on when the man has demonstrated emotional investment in me and commitment has been established. there are many reasons why.

for someone like me, waiting does help. it helps my actions remain consistent with my beliefs, it gives me time to develop romantic feelings for the other person so that sexual attraction can actually materialize, it helps me avoid getting too attached too soon, it helps keep the n count down, and it can help weed out guys who don’t want anything serious or don’t actually care to get emotionally invested in me.

if you’re asking does it help as a dating strategy specifically, it does to a degree. it can help you avoid pump and dumpers or short-term flings, but it’s not foolproof. the longer you choose to wait, the more helpful it becomes.

Allblackallamerican · 2021-07-01T18:58:34+00:00

I promise it doesn’t. The box theory is rather valid.

A man that just has you in his fuck box isn’t going to grow feelings for you no matter how long you make him wait for sex.

A man that’s interested in a relationship with you is still going to wake up from first night sex wanting to explore that potential aspect of having a relationship.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-01T20:45:06+00:00

“Make him wait” is toxic BS that’ll land you LVM after LVM despite your hamstering…

Waiting until you’re comfortable around someone to be intimate is different. Everyone does that.

Don’t artificially enforce BS on other people because of your past traumas that have nothing to do with them.

indigo_flamingo · 2021-07-01T22:04:23+00:00

Watch the Oprah interview with Devon Franklin and Meagan Good talk about why they chose celibacy until marriage - very good talking points regardless if you agree with their decision https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cm3GB7HC7Gs

cloudsongs_ · 2021-07-01T22:32:25+00:00

Yes it did but it could also be that I ended up with a good guy. My boyfriend wanted to have sex after 2nd or 3rd date (I did too but I didn't want to jump into anything) so I waited till I genuinely felt like I really liked him before giving the big OK

M_LaSalle · 2021-07-02T01:00:15+00:00

"When sex is in the equation, it can cause attachment too quickly before really getting to know each other"

Well, if her goal is to make sure doesn't want attachment to form too quickly, then how about if I walk away? I'm pretty sure no premature attachments will form and maybe I can get sex somewhere else. This is daft.

"Their reaction to being made to wait shows their mindset and can help you gauge your compatibility"

This is true, but perhaps not always in the way that its authors intend. If he waits beyond three dates and keeps paying attention to her and orbiting around her, and buying her drinks or whatever, then he might just be a complete wuss.

TonightFewstars · 2021-07-02T01:47:17+00:00

Just don't do what some people do and have sex while making someone you claim to like and want something serious with wait.

Every few weeks or so on the relationship subs, people post stuff like that. Pretty much all the time, the guy eventually dumps her for the 'betrayal'.

boofthegirl · 2021-07-02T02:17:56+00:00

I think you have to take into consideration a few things:

If the person in question is a virgin. I don’t believe virginity is important BUT for some people it is. Additionally, sex is a pretty foreign and scary thing for some. I think some might be hesitant to jump into it after only a few dates.
Previous sexual experience of the person in question. Have they been scorned before after putting out on first, second or third date? Or, perhaps, have encountered a violent sexual situation?
The idea of being alone with a man is scary to a lot of women. This is especially true when you’re in such a vulnerable position.
Sort of going along with the above point, where are you going to do the hooking up? If it’s at his place, he could be a certified ted bundy copycat. If it’s at the woman’s place, he might be a stalker.

Now, I’m not going to give my opinion on what’s right and what’s not. Obviously, some men prefer their potential partners NOT to put out on the first couple dates as proof of their integrity. Some men want women to put out on the first date as proof of their commitment and attraction. At the end of the day, if you don’t have compatible morals in relation to the bedroom you’re probably not compatible in other aspects too.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-02T03:48:48+00:00

The idea is flawed.

Personally i believe that we should only have sex we want to have. That way you can't say you were "led on" unless the dude straight up lied.

I do think that a lot of guys expect sex by a certain date number, and that's fine. But it's not me. I've had sex with 4 guys and 3 out of 4 were a month or a couple of months into a relationship.

Personally I don't make anyone wait. For a period of time. I wait until I want to have sex and am comfortable with it. Some guys want to peace out if no sex by date 3 and that's fine by me. It makes it easier to find someone who's sexuality is closer to my own.

If you want a time line the fastest was 1 month and the longest was like half a year. The half a year was my first relationship though and we were both in high school. As an adult I probably would go for it after month 2-3.

Davidfosford · 2021-07-02T07:08:54+00:00

nope, its your job to provide value after sex with men, if youre still a dumb bimbo, no matter how long you make men wait they'll still leave if you have nothing else to offer other than sex.

2021-07-02T09:38:51+00:00

Not so much the waiting for sex ,but a bit of 'push and pull' does work in the early days of dating.

Guaranteed, if I don't act over keen when I date someone and text them less than they text me - they will always always chase.

If I text to soon after a date/hook up then theres a chance they decide they're not interested

HOWEVER after a certain amount of time it stops working. He'll get bored of the chasing and the mystery/butterflies disappear.

houstongradengineer · 2021-07-02T14:41:17+00:00

"If you aren't willing to pay money for condoms or take hormone pills or get sick and have to heal, all in the name of easy sex, you have a hang up."

Yo... I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure it's more often the other way around.

The ONLY reason to have easy casual sex is impulses. Impulses should ideally be controlled, at least until medical testing is done and you know you're not inviting crazy drama into your life. It's easy to do with science now and a little bit of human interaction, right? And that's not to mention men's obsession with N count or the social/emotional consequences of sex for women. Jumping into bed quickly can literally can make it LESS likely for a woman to achieve her long-term goals. Or at least men on PPD will say "Gotcha, you fell for it and were pumped and dumped! It's all your fault now!". Listen, you can't just blame women for everything. Life doesn't work that outside of your RP forums. Furthermore, we are sick of your judgment and no longer give enough fucks to fight it. You can say whatever RP trash you want to say, but healthy modern women are having sex if and only if we want. Some of us are deciding your easy (likely shitty) sex isn't worth it, and we are absolutely 100% free of any hang-ups/addiction! This is freedom for us! I've got my theory that "3 date rule men" are completely controlled by impulses, and I may or may not be correct, but that isn't my problem. I don't go around saying negative things about YOU, for example.

Where do you think you get your expertise on sex and sexual hang-ups, anyway? You think mostly only PIV is the way to go with sex, so you definitely don't fit in with most of the population...

Sweaty-Respect-4888 · 2021-07-02T18:36:42+00:00

Maybe my situation might help some people out. So I'm 6'5, physically fit, and have a decent job. Based on those characteristics, I'm sure some or most of the dudes on here will call me a chad. However I need to highlight something, even with all those things going my way, I have been in relationships where I had sex on the first date or months into the courting phase. So, I don't think its necessarily an AF/BB scenario. I think different women just have different standards for sex, and guess what, they are entitled to it. I personally have never cared how quickly a woman chooses to have sex with me because I'm very comfortable with myself and appearance. However, I have been in situations where I was made to wait to have sex while the girl I was dating was hooking up with other dudes. Thats my redline. I guess the point of this post is to highlight that just because a girl makes you wait, doesn't mean that she isn't attracted to you. If you feel that is the case, then either communicate those feelings with the girl or move along. Just like that girl is entitled to do what she wants sexually, you as a guy are entitled to commit to her or not. Simple as that folks.

M3taBuster · 2021-07-02T20:07:51+00:00

Yes, it absolutely works, but only if:

You wait at least a year. If you wait much less than that, then you may as well not wait at all. Almost any guy is capable of pretending to want commitment for a few months in order to get sex if he wanted it bad enough. So if you don't wait longer than that, you're barely going to be filtering anyone out at all, which defeats the entire purpose.
You apply it consistently. If you make a guy you're interested in wait longer than you did for another guy in the past, then that guy is not going to want anything to do with you, even if he wanted commitment. If you have a promiscuous past, then frankly you are shit out of luck and can never use this strategy effectively. Best to seek some other strategy.
You communicate extensively about your sexual capabilities, desires, preferences, kinks, boundaries, etc. without actually having sex, in order to ensure sexual compatibility before investing too much time into the relationship.

neetykeeno · 2021-07-02T20:21:05+00:00

It systematically advantages people who prefer sex within a committed relationship. Simple as that.

fdslied2U · 2021-07-03T09:21:37+00:00

Make him wait for sex https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dkp0l4/make_him_wait_for_sex/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

saltwaterandthesea · 2021-07-12T23:51:11+00:00

I’ve always waited at least a month but I’m not the norm 🤣

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2021-07-01T13:47:47+00:00

Yeah, I waited a year once, it didn't really help or detract from the relationship.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-07-02T12:45:12+00:00

Sex is important. If that's the only thing you have to leverage my interest, you will get ghosted. Until sex happens, there is no possibility for commitment from me. She can be a part of a long list of 'friends' that I have.

Title	Does making one wait for sex actually help anyone? If yes, then how long?
Author	Spread-Em-Plz
Upvotes	10
Comments	425
Date	July 1, 2021 1:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oblnal/does_making_one_wait_for_sex_actually_help_anyone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-making-one-wait-for-sex-actually-help-anyone.787955 https://theredarchive.com/post/787955

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