Allure Magazine Posts The Most Toxic, poorly thought out, male pandering, Sex Advice. Women’s magazines are pick me garbage.

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2021-03-29T13:44:33+00:00

Allure jumped the shark ages ago. I used to love how it had this tone that assumed its readers were very wealthy. As a young woman when I came across my first issue in the late 90's, this was rocket fuel for my ambitions of financial independence.

That aside, I love how the author pityingly refers to kink-shaming like it's something only a dying breed does, like old school racists and homophobes. Those poor men! Can you imagine having the nerve to call someone out for having degenerate fantasies? s/ The idea of kink-shaming even being a term or seen as bad is ridiculous to me. It's like gaslighting on a global level. What's next, coercing women into coddling and accepting men who have a rape conviction or who admit to molesting children? We are allowed to have standards and reject filthy perverted kinks. Dare I say, I believe it is our duty.

cakepancakepancake · 2021-03-29T13:51:08+00:00

My kink is blocking and deleting scrotes. Don't kinkshame me!!! 😭

fg_hj · 2021-03-29T13:38:48+00:00

You know old housewife magazines from the 50’s that adviced women to stay with abusive husbands and blamed women for the abuse because they clearly weren’t good enough wives?

Today’s bad relationship and sex advice is just a new version of an old mindset.

logickilledthecat · 2021-03-29T14:38:23+00:00

Point 5.

So he's allowed to feel strongly about how his kinks are extremely important to him.

Okay, no probs. She should be allowed to feel strongly about not engaging in them being extremely important to her.

I just read the article myself.

The onesidedness and pickme is at another level. A random guy the supposed reader just met during dating. Like, just any dude. And the article, not with a single word anywhere, brings up the possibility: "Just fyi you can say No entirely to any of this, without any justification or explanation, and keep looking. Totally Okay, too."

Nowhere.

It is so onesided towards going with it, catering to it, entertaining it.

The woman could compromise. She could coMmuNicAte. She could be tolerant. She could try. Meet him half way. She could bE oPeN. To the point of polygamy.

How about fucking No ? 🤷‍♀️ None of this. What if she's not comfortable with any of these suggestions ? Yeah IF it's harmless then don't shame judge, but the same way people are sexually aroused by their preferences, others are not. No, not even one bit.

And here we are, trying to nag, convince, give them pErSpeCtiVe. 🤡 if not being namecalled "boring" or "narrow-minded".

Who is getting shamed here ?

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-03-29T13:34:03+00:00

She should develop some kinks of her own. Maybe she loves shoving chili peppers up her partners butthole... he should be open to it too.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-03-29T13:37:30+00:00

My kink is men who have ZERO “kinks”. None. Nada.

slipperyfoots · 2021-03-29T13:45:38+00:00

This is terrifying. These poor women are being misguided by sexism masking itself as a cure from toxicity. Never ever ever let yourself prioritise someone else's desires for your own comfort level!! EUGH

favoritesound · 2021-03-29T14:40:56+00:00

Let’s see how fast dudes will backpedal on forcing their kinks when their girl says she’s got a kink for CBT (cock and ball torture.) Oh, and that she’s interested in findom (financial domination).

_differentmentality_ · 2021-03-29T13:39:12+00:00

Lmao what’s the point of still being in a relationship with him if you’re gonna let him fuck other people?

nieces-pieces · 2021-03-29T15:02:34+00:00

There’s no such thing as female sexual empowerment until the words “letting him” are no longer used

Mcccy · 2021-03-29T14:41:12+00:00

Also funny how all kinks are about women being in pain.

If her kink was chocking him while shoving a pen down his d, she'd be considered evil, abusive and he should break up with her.

It's almost like the're promoting degradation of women or something 🤔

AyemHerself · 2021-03-29T14:24:46+00:00

Maybe if we frame romance as a kink the media will start taking our desires seriously.

logickilledthecat · 2021-03-29T15:08:02+00:00

Why don’t these “therapists” ever consider the validity of sexual incompatibility and advising people to break up? You’d rather force a woman to cater to a man and feel trauma for not enjoying their sex life at all or feeling actual pain from sex, OR, she gets to feel trauma from opening a relationship as a naturally monogamous person. “Bend until you break, my dear, otherwise no one will love your frigid ass.” Fuck that. Fuuuck iiiiiit!!!!!

Kylie_Fan · 2021-03-29T14:43:28+00:00

This form of gaslighting is so irritating and insidious it makes me want to flip a table over!

The woman doesn't like it, she's not into it, she doesn't want to. It's her right to decide and say no. He can find a kinkmeisha that would enjoy it.

So tired of society telling us what is okay to feel! If a woman wants to be vanilla or celibate or whatever the hell she wants, that's her right and nobody should have anything to comment!

riseaboveagain · 2021-03-29T15:36:51+00:00

The first thing I told my nieces when they reached teenage was to ignore all women’s magazines. They’re designed to destroy your self-esteem.

I’ll never forget reading Cosmo growing up and feeling bad because I wasn’t a willowy 5’10 model dating a rich broker named Sean or Josh with a swanky apartment in a midtown high-rise. And giving him bjs with ice cubes or whatever based on their horrible slutty sex advice 😂 Fuck those magazines

GIfuckingJane · 2021-03-29T13:42:22+00:00

My kink is being loved, worshipped and respected. Where's my article?

Mcccy · 2021-03-29T14:36:17+00:00

I never thought I'd read the sentence "I'm a furry canibal that likes to wear diapers" when I woke up this morning.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-03-29T15:13:49+00:00

My kink is financial domination. I am very attached to this kink. I need complete control over all of your wages and assets. I must have my needs fulfilled. Don’t kink shame me, bro

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-03-29T14:22:20+00:00

My kink is kink shaming - don't kinkshame me.

1Here4Bach · 2021-03-29T16:18:04+00:00

I think the funniest and most cringe thing about this is liberal feminists whole heartedly believe that if women indulge in men’s kinks en masse on a micro scale (in relationships) then that would make men respect women more on a Marco scale.

Liberal feminists will never achieve anything because they still want approval from males. They bend over backwards to be like, “LOOK MEN we’re just like you! We like kinks too! Respect us!”

No, we’re not just like men. Women as a whole would choose not to do weird kinky shit if that was a choice.

First wave feminists in the 1900s-1920s got shit done because they didn’t give a shit about the opinions of men. Second wave feminists in the 1960s-1970s got shit done because they didn’t give a shit about the opinions of men.

This third wave, wishy-washy feminism is a joke. The pandering to men is vomit inducing. Women are acting like feminism is something you can turn on and off and not a way of life. They get in a relationship and are like, “My boyfriend doesn’t like feminists so I’m not a feminist anymore. Heheh.”

Literally when I stopped worrying about what men and society (the patriarchy) thought of me, I could fill actual weight lift off my chest and my brain fog clear.

Yes, I like sex. And yes, I’m going to kink-shame the fuck out of you. Fuck off.

shoo_coworker · 2021-03-29T14:25:36+00:00

Some kinks deserve to be shamed. Sick of this "free for all" and "everything is valid" post-modernism BS. Women are allowed to have boundaries. Kinky men are not a protected class. Ughhh

zazaleaz · 2021-03-29T14:38:08+00:00

The phrases "play with him" and "letting him play with others" are so gross. We're probably talking about bdsm here, not some toddler sandbox play-date.

randowordgenerator · 2021-03-29T15:07:13+00:00

A woman "caught feelings" for her FWB and wrote to an advice column on what to do.

I said casual sex is bad for women bec of this and oh my, "your sex life must be dismal if you think only men can benefit from casual sex." Like, how? Because I don't give myself away to scrotes? I wouldn't call that dismal.

"How is a woman at risk physically and emotionally more than a man?" fuck me, really? Clearly I am an uptight b\tch for caring more about women. and the question wasn't about men.*

"The sex is the benefit. The orgasm. If you don't see a benefit to having sex, you're doing it wrong." Besides the yeeeech cringe wording, whose orgasm?

"Some (women) enjoy sex with people ("people" huh) they are not in a committed relationship with, some don't." Sure, some do, but not the letter writer. Whoosh

The best comment:

FOB letter: Your self esteem seems close to non existent. How does it benefit you to be repeatedly sexually intimate with a man who has told you clearly he only wants to screw you. He wants to do this as he is pursuing other women. Why are you degrading and punishing yourself ? You say you were originally fine with your commercial transaction but now your emotions have changed. You say you have fallen in love. Why? You say you think he has developed feelings for you ? Why? If he has, why do you lack such self esteem to want to become truly intimate ( loving ) with a man who has clearly told you before that he sees intercourse with you as a bodily excercise. Akin to eating and eliminating, yes? And yes, certainly healthy women can be overcome by desire and engage in passionate sex with a man they may never see again. But suggest you focus on the business transaction you made. How did it make you feel good initially ? Kind of like a good gym workout? A good run? Or?

KAT_85 · 2021-03-29T15:44:14+00:00

It's called... if he can't let go of that particular kink to the point where he needs to find relief outside the relationship... WE ARE NOT COMPATABLE AND THAT'S OKAY. Full stop. End of conversation. Nobody is obligated to share their body with another person or to deprive themselves of these so called necessary kinks. It works both ways and no judgement is required past the point where you both decide it's not going to work. These advice columns want to force a square peg in a round hole (no pun intended). They want to act like kinks aren't fringe interests, that it won't turn anyone off. (That's shaming or something... but if it wasn't a niche interest why are we calling it a kink? I don't see anyone calling liking fit people a kink... because it's pretty standard human sexual behavior. Kinks are outside the norm by definition or at least they used to be.)

Our preferences limit our available partner pool. Everyone loves to point that out when women have preferences (you'll die alone ring any bells), but nobody wants to say that when it comes to men's preferences. We are not owed a partner, sexually or otherwise, and neither are men. Pretty simple and comes back to the idea of enthusiastic consent. I don't want to marry a man who isn't really into me. He shouldn't want to engage in kinky sex with someone who isnt' really into it/force non monogamy on someone who isn't polyamorous to begin with.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-03-29T15:55:53+00:00

Allure< Condé Nast< Advance Publications/Newhouse family. From Wikipedia:

"Directly and through various subsidiaries, the group owns Discovery Channel, Condé Nast, the popular digital news website Wired, Lycos, Angelfire, Tripod, Turnitin, and is the majority shareholder in Reddit."

Champagne_bitch · 2021-03-29T14:58:59+00:00

Finally someone who says it! It is so alarming that girls in the college often discuss this stuff in our girl group and this BS is filled with shit and I felt like alien for not agreeing. That's shit, shit, shit

Yogacat4 · 2021-03-29T14:09:41+00:00

From what I’ve heard, they don’t pay their interns. Idk about full-time salaries but I’d wager it’s no more than $50k. No wonder the tone is toxic. Imagine having the “name” brand of an esteemed publication company and then routinely having employees entertain these questions, lol, instead of putting together product collages or going on a Starbucks run or something.

throwaway37865 · 2021-03-29T16:44:32+00:00

The part where she asks her as if she’d let her partner spank her like it isn’t a big deal and is a compromise to the kink, holy shit. Like spanking is a big deal??? That’s definitely a power dynamic created by it. Some of us were spanked as children so that definitely has more to it mentally and emotionally than a woman might even realize in the moment.

I hate how modern society makes sex positivity seem like you have to normalize all of this. No one should be doing anything sexual as a compromise. Ever.

RadiationMutation · 2021-03-29T14:43:39+00:00

This one reminds me. I finally unsubbed from r/sex reading that dude who asked to cum on his gf's feet, and the entire subreddit shamed her over it because it's a 'mild' kink and it took a lot of courage for him to open up about it. 🤢

If my husband suddenly cropped up with a food fetish, he'd be fucking gone!! I'm an old fogey compared to most of this sub; I fear for the young ladies dating now.

Twolipz_78 · 2021-03-29T15:40:56+00:00

I love how my most recent LVX would say how he would read this trash when he was trying to figure out how to make me cum (for his own ego).

No, it had nothing to do with the fact that you would try and do it your own way instead of the way I like and have been doing for 28 years. Let’s also not forget about the “ex” girlfriend who may as well have been in the bed with us!

FDSfollower1 · 2021-03-29T17:07:09+00:00

The FDS twitter account is downright impressive.

button-up · 2021-03-29T13:37:25+00:00

It’s just societal grooming by rich militia media companies, nothing we can’t handle 💪 😘

sveji- · 2021-03-29T17:18:53+00:00

I hate it with passion how they don't ever even say that it's okay if this is a deal-breaker for her, and it's perfectly fine for her to end things with him over it.

Donttellmehow2feel · 2021-03-29T19:37:07+00:00

Wow, he shared his sexual kinks with her, she's very lucky! As if male sexual attention was not plentiful and of low value.

And as far as I lurked into BDSM communities, engaging in the activity with someone who is not 100% willing is a no-no. There are so many abusive and clueless assholes who want to be called "masters".

Tragicallysentient · 2021-03-29T17:15:45+00:00

The biggest lie we are told is that men were “embarrassed and shy” to bring up kinks and fetishes in the bedroom, because of how their “prudish no fun wife” would react to it, as if men haven’t already dictated what’s “normal” sex, pressuring women to be what they see in pornography and somehow still managing to put the blame on the woman, assuming that women want to be sexually dominated and thrown into degrading sexual fantasies and if they don’t, ugh what a boring wifeeeee

Platipus6 · 2021-03-29T22:49:23+00:00

"an arrangement where he can play outside the relationship" ????

as if porn sick mfuckers are so rare we need to allow this to hold on to him?

QueenCrownn · 2021-03-29T17:10:30+00:00

Whoever that person is, is just garbage. Smh. So, all she cared about was the guy's pleasure, nothing about her pleasure or comfort.

Royal_Tourist3584 · 2021-03-29T17:58:42+00:00

Beauty magazines are founded on furthering poor body image because they make money from product advertisement.

Womens magazines are founded on maintaining the broken state of women so that they can string them along by hinting they have the magical answer but not actually ever giving them shit except shit to further the uncertainty.

Disgusting.

Curiousalice88 · 2021-03-30T02:13:17+00:00

I knew a girl once that was pretty open to alot of kinks but whenever a guy requested to do something she always requested he do it first?

Wanna do anal? Sure, you first though.

Wanna choke and slap and spit on me? Ok, you first.

I like that.

My ex wanted to do anal. I enjoyed parts of it and wanted to try it myself but Jesus it's so much work and even more work to be into it enough for it to be enjoyable.

Oh but when I wanted to do it back...I'll give him points for trying but he quickly realised it hurts too much, it's too much effort to clean down there, I'm too scared about it going wrong, it's not that enjoyable, I can't relax, it's embarrassing . etc etc.

All valid points but yet you still want me to do it?

LexiJay94 · 2021-03-29T17:25:28+00:00

Man: "my kink is wearing diapers and not wiping my ass" - everybody!! A round of applause, that's so brave to open up about that!

Woman: "sometimes I feel overwhelmed taking care of my 3 children" - booooo! Everybody point fingers at this subhuman!

libramo0n · 2021-03-30T03:15:32+00:00

Did they seriously just condone a white man having a “master slave” kink?? Sorry but I will kink shame till the cows come home on any kink that is racist or sexist... oh wait that’s all of them!

Sewud · 2021-03-30T03:48:27+00:00

This is the type of sex education I received in school.

It's a great sign that he trusts you enough to share his kinks with you

Men are known for mentioning their kinks too soon to strangers who didn't want to know them!

You could play with him even if it does nothing for you

So I guess we're back to having sex with men just for them even if it does nothing for us. Or maybe we never left? The only difference is there's more things men can expect now?

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-29T16:52:17+00:00

Disgusting!!! I hate this sooo much!!! I can’t even tell you how much. These liberal feminists evil ! They are just as bad at the conservatives passing anti abortion laws. They hate women and omg I’m so mad reading this right now

ms_monquis · 2021-03-30T12:52:55+00:00

As someone whose marriage was ended by giving him “the gift” of being “open minded” about his kinks, this is damn near triggering for me.

Did we say “boundary pushing”? Did we say “gaslighting”? Did we say “reciprocation”?

Let him play outside of the relationship??! Is this for real, or is this reverse psychology, hoping that someone reads that for what it actually is: get out now.

I would LOVE to see the men’s magazines that relentlessly advocates that HE change everything about what he wants out of sex and a relationship to suit HER wants. In fact, I’d love to see just one. Do men’s magazines even HAVE columns like this? Seems like they understand their readership is more than a finger looking for a ring (any ring), but I could be wrong.

Telling that there is *nothing* in the letter or the answer about how HER needs are being served. Not even a throw-away “as long as you feel happy and satisfied, maybe you could…” line. This is so deeply disgusting.

legally-dirty-blonde · 2021-03-29T22:38:58+00:00

If you have to take "baby steps" to become accustomed to something sexual, you are being coerced. Consent is enthusiastic. Baby steps implies reluctance.

jollycanoli · 2021-03-29T19:15:16+00:00

I am so shocked what young women have to deal with today. I didn't grow up with that kind of pressure. Someone needs to hang that 50 shades of gray lady, who brought a completely untrue account of BDSM into the bedrooms of simple minded men and women who had let the romance slip out of their lives. They then bought a whip and furry handcuffs for validation, disclaimed proudly to all their friends that they are now into heavy kink, without knowing what that actually entails for some of the sicker men out there, and made the whole thing acceptable to talk about in normal society, creating a whole new set of expectations for girls today to meet. Honestly, even the few women I do know who can't experience pleasure without pain said that this was a dangerous development. We have normalised a very niche sexual practice by only scraping its surface and romanticising the outcomes, and we need to reverse the trend.

cutherdowntosize · 2021-03-29T20:14:50+00:00

Ohhhhhh myyyy goooooddddd

The amount of people, including women, who have tried to shove the idea of polyamory/swinging/open-relationships to me really disgusts me and it's this insidious thought that keeps cropping up being disguised as being "open-minded". No, my mind isn't open to that. It doesn't have to be. If you're looking to freely fuck whoever, whenever, you don't need to be in a relationship with me. Period. Why do I have to be open-minded? I know what I want and don't want. I don't have to be curious.

I don't want a threesome. I don't even sometimes want as two-some. Leave me alone. Find another woman to string along that doesn't think she deserves your full attention, because it aint me, babe.

kycake · 2021-03-29T20:28:24+00:00

wow this is so infuriating. i love how u pointed out that males get praised now for sharing their kinks as if them being entitled sexually is rare. and saying she should either fulfill all his desires no matter what they are or let him see other women. like what the actual fuck. so what about when a man doesn’t fulfill all his woman’s desires be it financial or sexual is she allowed to see other men that are more rich or more capable so she can get her desires met? or would they call her selfish and terrible for even asking her parter to fulfill all her desires? liberal feminism benefits men and hurts women.

Charming-Bee-2337 · 2021-03-29T23:23:29+00:00

Its literally coercion. The people who are so worried about consent sure love to mass coerce women to bend to every wish and kink a man desires or they get shamed and called names for not doing it.

aoi4eg · 2021-03-30T13:34:52+00:00

Whenever anybody talks about kinks, my mind immediately jumps to that episode of Sex and The City where Carrie met a guy who wanted her to pee on him, and Carrie said something like "Maybe you just close your eyes and I pour warm water on you?". Makes me laugh every time.

Also, a tip: when a scrote starts wining about you "kink-shaming" him, simply say that kink-shaming is your kink and he's a hypocrite for not respecting it.

iacint · 2021-03-29T17:03:18+00:00

When i’ll get my flair i’ll post about my experience with advices from women’s magazines

seashellsupplier · 2021-03-29T17:53:50+00:00

A friend of mine used to teach sex-ed at schools, and I met some colleagues of her who taught at university (and where paid) to teach students how to have safe anal sex, ease into bondage and other extremely dangerous sex acts, implying not being interested in these ‚kinks‘ made you not only a prude and boring, but also not in touch with your own sexuality. Kids as young as 13 where asking my friend and her colleagues on how to perform anal sex. No one can make me believe that this is part of normal healthy human sexuality, for kids to be thinking and fantasizing about anal sex.

HappyTriangle · 2021-03-29T19:57:10+00:00

My greatest kink is a respectful monogamous relationship. If a man can't handle that he can gtfo.

ComfortableHead3 · 2021-03-29T22:40:01+00:00

I am going to die alone, and am happy about it.

_queeeen_ · 2021-03-29T23:38:41+00:00

TWEET. SEVEN. Why should HIS needs take priority over mine?!

poison_snacc · 2021-03-29T21:14:37+00:00

It’s almost as though they just expect that this male must be such a slave to whatever “kink” this is (just the fact that a woman wrote in with this question means that the “kink” is probably nothing good) that he wouldn’t be able to survive without fulfilling the kink by “playing” (the most cringe term of this decade) outside the relationship.

And then I remember. It’s a male.

With the way we literally cater to men and what their pipi wants, it’s no surprise that media disguised as pro-female has been throwing propaganda at our faces for a while now.

jupiter_sunstone · 2021-03-29T20:44:42+00:00

Fkfifkepwndnxkslsnfbelqksnfkdianxbei Angry keyboard thumb smashing. Ughhhhhjjjjjhjjjjjkkskdldmdksn I hate this shit.

Title	Allure Magazine Posts The Most Toxic, poorly thought out, male pandering, Sex Advice. Women’s magazines are pick me garbage.
Author	MarbleWorld
Upvotes	1264
Comments	145
Date	March 29, 2021 1:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mfplvi/allure_magazine_posts_the_most_toxic_poorly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/allure-magazine-posts-the-most-toxic-poorly.779085 https://theredarchive.com/post/779085

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