Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020

ThrowRA-NWI-Region · 2020-06-08T04:42:09+00:00

Anyone else see tonight’s episode of 90 Fiancé Tell All? After everything Ed did, I never expected her to try to get back with him. Or maybe she was telling the truth and Ed was the one reaching out, but I don’t think so.

Also, typical LVM/NVM behavior to be willing to abandon a relationship with your only child in order to pursue a relationship with someone.

weasted_ · 2020-06-08T04:32:48+00:00

Where's one of our members who would post excellent FDS memes? Im trying to find her but I cant do so!

Also, can I get my flair changed? Thank you in advance mods!

k20_4 · 2020-06-08T03:36:40+00:00

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NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-06-08T03:23:15+00:00

Had a brunch date today. Guy was super nice but said we were looking for different things... then said I could hit him up if I was looking to get laid. At least he paid for the meal.

I have first dates again on Tuesday and Wednesday. The guy on Wednesday said he's looking to build a life with someone, so we'll see. He's closer to my age, too. I don't have high hopes, but maybe he won't be as crass.

Avoiding_existence · 2020-06-07T17:51:30+00:00

I started online dating again for the first time in 1.5 years, and it seems like the quality of guys has just gotten way worse. Tons of ugly ungroomed men who have hobbies like "getting blackout drunk" or "binge watching TV". I'm specifically using the Hinge dating app. Haven't matched with any men since I've had it for three weeks.

The only HVM I can find IRL are in their early 30s, I'm in my mid twenties atm. I feel like I should just wait until I'm older to start dating again, but the guys who are my age and disgusting now will probably just be disgusting when they're in their 30s. And most men in their 30s who are interested in dating women in their 20s are not great.

Should I give the age gap a try or just wait? I don't want to lower my standards for anything. Thanks in advance for any advice!

justanothergirl1216 · 2020-06-07T16:55:20+00:00

I just want to vent! Why do so many creepy anime guys like me? I’m so sick of anime obsessed losers telling me I’m their dream girl and chasing after me. I’m not sure what it is about guys that are into anime that turns me off, it just does. Does anybody else here get creeped out by anime guys?

mybellyhurts_ · 2020-06-07T16:08:26+00:00

Question: do you guys see this as a red flag??

guy who wakes up early everyday for work 8am but on weekends sleeps in until 4pm.??

Like I want to cut some slack here but.. I’m just not sure if this is healthy.

2020-06-07T16:03:40+00:00

Just wanna say the book recommendations are amazing. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith is healing me. It’s put into perspective how so many people try to manipulate you. The book has literally made me laugh out loud about how pathetic people that are controlling really are. Not only has it helped me with men but it’s helped me with my relationship with my mother as well. I recommend everyone read it even if you don’t feel guilty when saying no.

enharmonia · 2020-06-07T14:45:57+00:00

Is it normal for comments in this sub to be downvoted to hell all the time? I don't really pay attention to my karma on here but I was looking at my user overview this morning and noticed that a comment I made that had 30something points the other day now has 7. Do dudes come in here and downvote everything?

pinksuede · 2020-06-07T14:25:51+00:00

I’m confused about whether or not a woman who is working on her self esteem is good or bad? Everyone talks badly about people who are insecure. I’m working on myself but is it still ok to see myself in a good light?

linda2828 · 2020-06-07T10:42:24+00:00

There’s this guy (M, 33)that I’ve (F, 24)been in a fwb relationship for several years.

We were each other’s rebounds and we never agreed to any specifics of the relationship. This went on for over a couple of years, throughout that time we would have casual sex and did coupley things together like going to a movie, dinners and meet each other’s friends. Naturally over time we developed feelings for each other but the timing never coincided. It was always at different times, we were also hesitant to be exclusive due to concerns with the age difference and being at very different life stages.

When I realised I had developed feelings for him I decided to start being involved romantically with other men to disperse my attention. He did the same, but I don’t exactly know for sure what was his rationale for it. I’ll assume that it was for the similar reason.

After a couple of years, I broke things off because I realised I couldn’t handle the emotional distress of liking someone and not being able to be together. We were apart for a little over a year, and during those times we saw other people and dated other people.

A few months ago, he reached out to me and confessed to having feelings for me that never went away and he didn’t have the same kind of feelings he had with me with anyone else that he had seen or been romantically involved with. So he felt as if it was a sign that this was something more and probably worth giving a shot. He asked me if I was interested in dating him, but at the time I wasn’t in the mindset for dating, I had just gotten over him and wasn’t ready for the messiness attached to a romantic relationship. We agreed to leave things on a positive note and stay friends and to avoid complications we didn’t really hangout very often, it was just the occasional coffee every other month or so. Very platonic kind of catch ups.

But recently we’ve been hanging out more probably because I realised that I still like him and he still likes me. I’ve also noticed that when I am in need, he is the person that I turn to. Whether it’s because we’ve known each other for so long or because I actually like him is unclear but the thing is, the same issues that were there before is still here now.

TDLR - Is it worthwhile to give someone you’ve had a sexual history with that understands you very well and you have a strong emotional connection with but have different lifestyles and views on life and after years of no commitment?

spacecunny · 2020-06-07T10:35:26+00:00

Hi there queens. I have a quick question in regards sex, so this might be TMI.

Do you expect your partner to get you off every time you have sex? I feel like the obvious answer here is yes of course, but then again I get my doubts about whether I'm setting the bar too high. Seeing a guy, we did end up having sex and have done it a few times. Our of about 4 sexual sessions, he has gone down on me once, and that was after I hinted at it heavily.

We had sex a couple of days ago, and he didn't make me orgasm, just came, helped with cleanup and we went to bed. I was annoyed that he made no move to get me off, and I just didn't feel like it should be necessary to ask for it. He should want to get me off. He did make an effort in the mornings and I did orgasm - but I'm afraid he's just making an effort because it's the early stages, and if he's already slacking this once, what will he be like in a committed relationship?

meezapizza · 2020-06-07T02:38:56+00:00

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Muffy217 · 2020-06-07T00:09:10+00:00

Okay y’all, I need some advice. I got out of a four year relationship last fall and decided to get myself back to feeling like myself before dating. I’ve recently been dating two guys. They’re both very lovely and have so far have done everything right. They’re both successful, smart, very kind people. I’m physically attracted to both of them. The issue is that I am now having crippling anxiety about intimacy, really even kissing, with either of them. I’m having this weird mental block about potentially having sex with someone new after years with the same person. I am no prude, I enjoy sex. Any advice on how to get over it?

Extreme-Vermicelli · 2020-06-07T00:07:13+00:00

Ok so this weekend I have been checking in with several (platonic) friends I haven't heard from for a while, seeing how they are/ how life is going, especially through the whole Covid crap.

Thing is that I still want to check in with my fwb, on a human level, as I know he was struggling with some things. I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks, and I know communication works both ways, yet other friends have been quiet too so...?

On one side I know it's my ego seeking the validation of a response from him, but on the other side I am the kind of person who asks if people are ok.

Note that I am not actually interested in having sex with him at this point.

How do I unpack this? Someone talk sense into me please 😔

teatimebiitch · 2020-06-06T21:14:50+00:00

I fell back into some stupidity, y’all. I snapped this guy who I know is a LVM and isn’t good for me. And of course, he left me on read. I was embarrassed, but then I thought of my FDS teachings and I remembered that HE’S the one who’s losing out on something great, not me. I want to thank this community for reminding me and re-teaching me of my worth!

TradcatAlice · 2020-06-06T18:22:00+00:00

Leaving men on read when you can't be bothered to text is a fat mood.

I used to always stress about returning texts in my previous relationships even when I didn't want to and the men would smell the desperation and would leave without fail.

Ever since I set boundaries men chase after me and want more. Now it's me leaving them on read, and me cutting them off for being annoying. Thank you FDS ❤❤

throwaway-786786 · 2020-06-06T15:54:59+00:00

I just read two dating subs posts from men complaining about the women in their lives and I have to vent about it.

When women post on the relationship advice sub, it's usually something horrific: their guy is clearly cheating on them, or has been abusive, or is forcing her into certain sex acts.

When men post on the same sub, it's so meaningless that it might as well have not been a post.

I read one where the guy was complaining about his wife tying his shoelaces when she puts the shoes away. TYING HIS SHOELACES. If she's not listening after you kindly tell her it bothers you, just fucking untie them. It's not a big deal.

Another one on dating over thirty: this guy sounded like he was dating such a sweet, supportive girl. However he dumped her because she was "tame" in the bedroom. Like wtf. He also mentioned that she had no hobbies, but that obviously didn't bother him as much as the bedroom stuff. Fucking sick.

YarikEnterprise · 2020-06-06T14:05:19+00:00

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BetterToBeLonely · 2020-06-06T04:09:09+00:00

I just registered for accelerated classes to get a new job that I will then use to pay for my master's to get an even better job. Operation Get The Hell Out (of shitshow marriage) is under way.

pizzamagic · 2020-06-06T03:52:09+00:00

sooo...there's a guy at work (this is off to a good start) who has made it very obvious he's into me. besides that, i'm new at work and he's really nice to me.

i'm not 100% on if i want to get to know him or not. i do know that i'm terribly lonely and craving social connection, which i'm not really finding easily. i'm also really picky when it comes to people. i know that we have a little bit in common. as far as attractiveness he's not bad looking, but kind of average, and i'm not really into his tattoos (not to be shallow or anything but yeah i guess this factors in).

i did give him my number, so far i haven't texted him back but I do enjoy chatting with him at work. i guess i don't really know what to do in this situation...he has kids from a previous marriage, i have never been married and literally never want kids.

is it harmless to get to know him? even if i know i don't really want to date him?

forgive me for sounding crazy and all over the place but i'm really so bad at this kind of thing.

I'm trying to value myself and be happy with my own company even if i am utterly lonely, but i have to admit the attention feels nice

kidnostalgia · 2020-06-06T01:49:31+00:00

Hi ladies! A guy I've started seeing recently has expressed interest in cooking together, as we both genuinely love to cook/bake as a hobby. This would involve me coming over to his place. How long should I know the man before doing this? Should we have exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend status? I'm not talking about sex, but simply being alone with a man at his place.

On one hand it's a cute, considerate and logical date idea but I grew up in a strict household where it is believed that a woman should not be alone with a man at his place unless they are in a committed relationship, so I feel conflicted.

Your thoughts would be appreciated!

EDIT: A big thank you to everybody who responded! I'm really so blessed to have you ladies to come to for advice! <3

Throwawaylikehay · 2020-06-06T01:35:56+00:00

How do you treat your male friends?

Unfortunately, I'm getting a fair # of men who misconstrue my niceness as a means to 'get close.' (Romantic, no sexual vibes)

I am examining what I'm doing exactly that could make them feel that way.

How can I make it known that I'm all for a strict friends relationship, without any reason to believe it could ever be romantic?

me problem or a they problem?

2020-06-05T23:45:57+00:00

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HoneyBouquet · 2020-06-05T21:23:40+00:00

Just got ghosted by a potential man. He couldnt even text me to let me know he was not interested. He is 30 so I guess he is a secret LVM.

We had been speaking on a serious note for 3 weeks straight - texting everyday and calling for hours. After our first date, he ignored my messages asking if we were on the same page and to let me know he was not interested

Men are whack.

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-06-05T18:37:43+00:00

I need to vent about men in OLD posting pics of them with other people's dogs. Like, what the fuck is that about? I'm trying to date guys who have a dog already, because my dog is an energetic breed and I don't want to date a guy who has little experience with dogs.

I don't care how much you love your friend's dog. You don't have to train it, clean up after it, or deal with it being a moody asshole. You have no idea what it's like to actually live with that dog.

I also don't trust dudes with what they say at face value. The amount of times I've dated a guy who told me he liked something, only for him to turn around and say he only said that to get me to go out with him is ridiculous.

I hate this shit so much.

girludontbringhome · 2020-06-05T16:43:59+00:00

Does anyone else feel that we should move away from the term scrote? I just find it very unnecessarily vulgar. Can we not just stick to NVM/ZVM/LVM or any other less explicit term?

noavocadoshere · 2020-06-05T15:57:35+00:00

ot: watching something's gotta give still infuriates me to this day, even if one of the actors hadn't been jack nicholson. never-mind the whole julian fiasco (why!?), erica would not have fallen in love with harry and harry would've never been reformed into a HVM, let alone fall in love with her. there's no way. after his few days were up, she would've--or should've--thrown him out fresh prince style. he dated her daughter and almost had sex with her, and i'm supposed to believe they end up married. i wouldn't even be able to look at him. UGH.

Cosmictears83 · 2020-06-05T14:50:22+00:00

Long story short, had to restart reddit due to doxxing. Be careful out there ladies!

Now I have to get my newbie flair back.

CreamyBoldness · 2020-06-05T13:08:50+00:00

Help! Need advice from ladies who broke up with longterm LVM boyfriends. Can you tell me about your experience? How did you do it? I already know he's never going to change, but why does it feel so hard?! (Is this codependence?!)

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-06-05T04:02:24+00:00

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Throwawaylikehay · 2020-06-04T21:12:21+00:00

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Nsns2020 · 2020-06-04T20:14:34+00:00

I deleted all my OLD profiles and apps today. I admit that I liked the attention but finally realized that I wasting my time and energy on LVM.

I just graduated from pharmacy school and will be a resident at a wonderful hospital in a few weeks. It feels amazing to have achieved my goal from the past 4 years. This community has really helped me shift my mindset and I can't wait to level up at work and personally like all the other women I read about on here.

honeybeeroll · 2020-06-04T19:28:24+00:00

Has anyone else seen this one? : https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/gwh7ix/me_30_m_with_my_gf_30_f_of_2_years_intrusive/

First thing that alarmed me was everyone telling him to go to therapy w/o saying a word about educating himself and reading POC, specifically black, authors. I only saw 1 person, who recognized their own racist thought patterns and has done the work of trying to change, said to do that.

The second thing....does anyone else feel he needs to tell his gf or break up with her until he has done the work of changing his beliefs? I'm white so obvs take anything I say with a huge grain of salt and that I obvs can't truly comprehend the gf's feelings. But he hasn't told her obvs bc he's afraid she'll leave, but that's not fair to her, he's lying about who he is. Like he has degrading thoughts about her because she's black, and about their future children bc they would be part black. That's immoral to hide that from her. I'm sure she's with him bc she believes he doesn't hold racist beliefs. And this isn't something he can change overnight.

jmaydizzle · 2020-06-04T15:46:38+00:00

Hey ladies... so an old university friend got in touch about a month ago to ask for some photos I took years ago (I was a sports photographer for the teams at the time - he was in quite a few!) but I’d deactivated Facebook so he couldn’t obtain them.

Since then we’ve spoken pretty much everyday, first catching up as we haven’t seen each other in person for just over a year (live in different cities and both have busy careers in law and finance) then normally chatting everyday.

History-wise - we’ve always had a bit of a mutual crush on each other. We kissed once in our final year of uni, but then I decided I wanted to be single as I’d just got out of a relationship. The next 7 years has seen us both in different long term relationships, catching up at big group events but nothing more. Now we are both single and it’s been quite flirty... We have made plans to meet up after lockdown, and he’s even booked us a weekend away in a really beautiful part of our country for hiking etc. during the summer. He has also planned a full itinerary for when we first meet up after lockdown.

My one main concern is sex. My plan was to wait 3 months at least for all new prospective men before having sex as per FDS. This gives time to get to know the guy etc. But what do I do with this guy? I’ve known him for 10 years, we’ve been friends for that time and we have many mutual friends. I can’t say for sure but he is likely a HVM based on what I know, obviously cannot know for sure what he’s like in a relationship until dating. With lockdown and the chemistry we already have I know it’s going to be really hard to wait - and I don’t know how long to wait?!

Any advice truly welcome. Feeling very conflicted!

kamui_zangetsu · 2020-06-04T14:42:12+00:00

I’m thinking about lying about my profession because I want to repel LVM, I’m currently studying towards becoming a therapist but I notice it comes with the response of “maybe you can fix my problems”.

Meredeen · 2020-06-04T03:20:01+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gw24nr/women_who_dated_older_men_as_teenagers_that_now/

This thread made it to front page somehow, these experiences are so fucked up

throwaway-786786 · 2020-06-04T02:30:21+00:00

Feeling really good about myself today! My attending physician complimented me on my examination skills 😊 She told me I picked up on something that even our resident physician missed!

I was so nervous about 3rd year of med school but it's been going better than I had anticipated. Knock on wood!

And maybe it's the antidepressants, but I feel like such a QUEEN today. My curls look perfect, my skin is clear, and I look well-rested. It's too bad I can't really show off my beauty with the current situation, but I'm enjoying it for myself.

afrodeasyak · 2020-06-04T02:29:41+00:00

I just found a post on the Forever Alone subreddit, which I frequent sometimes, about a man who realized how porn messed him up and how he has since quit. It was so wholesome to see how some of the comments addressed that it is evil and being exposed to it from a young age can mess you up and how they now know better. They are waking up and even if there are a few, it means there is hope!

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-06-03T22:40:19+00:00

I was freaking out over what to wear for a first date on Sunday, but then noticed the weather - rainy and not that hot. Others may be saddened by that, but this works greatly in my wardrobe's favour. I'm thinking some nice jeans, and a neat, simple top with a simple necklace. I'll focus on my face instead, and make sure I have a good base with some BB cream, highlighter, and draw attention to my eyes.

I'm really excited! Texting with him has been pretty easy, no weird gaps in our convos.

And mid-June there's a singles mixer I signed up for. $5 and a free drink.

I'm going through phases of feeling really down about my last relationship ending, and also feeling really thankful that I can fully explore relationships with men who can actually talk about marriage without balking.

fernprincess · 2020-06-03T21:50:19+00:00

Hello lovely people! I have been lurking here for a few months since discovering the existence of this sub and have been using it so much I figured I should sign up.

I kicked out my chronically unemployed and exploitative dusty ex on New Year’s Eve after realizing he was the carbon copy of the “unemployed, weed smoking, video game playing useless bf” that is endlessly complained about in the relationship subs and FDS has helped me look forward instead of back. The most important things I’ve learned here are vetting and personal standards to ensure I don’t fall for the same trap and lies ever again. He was unfortunately my second exploitative dusty, but I can’t thank y’all enough for setting me straight and for the great resources I’ve found here. It is good to see women genuinely supporting other women and I even appreciate the tough love y’all dish out!

orchideerose · 2020-06-03T18:33:09+00:00

Hi ladies, I love this community! I've been lurking for a month or so and really trying my best to implement FDS in my life. I had a slip up earlier and am feeling a bit down. I can't get over a crush I have on a guy, and earlier I asked him if he wanted to get a drink a bit later this evening (he lives close by, things are open where we live). He thanked me for the invitation but says he has too much work to catch up on but that he'll be at church tomorrow (where we usually see each other) if I want to catch up then. Rationally I know that's a rejection and that I shouldn't have even asked in the first place...but I still can't keep hoping he'll be the one to ask me next. He's always so friendly and always helps me out with things and I guess I'm not used to that?

throwawaytck1001 · 2020-06-03T17:18:08+00:00

I had a friend that I caught up with via video. (He had flown abroad just before the country locked down, in order to be with his elderly parents, just in case.)

We started getting more romantic, flirtatious. Chatting every day. Must have met up via video 30 times. Talking about going on proper dates when he got back.

But each time the lockdown is extended for the country we live in (meaning he cannot fly back to me any time soon), he gets distant for a day or two (meaning like, fewer text messages and maybe taking 5-10 hours to respond, but he's not ignoring me.)

Now it's the second time he's gone a bit quiet. He messaged today to apologize and cancel our date. He said it's been really tough because he doesn't know when he's coming back, and everything seems so far off and vague. Could we cancel today's talk and reschedule?

He's been very mature about his feelings, being clear and sad about it, but it's clear that it's just painful for him.

I told him don't overthink it, I'm sorry he's having a rough time, good vibes his way blah blah, and I'd touch base with him next week.

Honestly, I understand intellectually. He's stuck in limbo for months now. But I'm also hurt. OK, the future is vague... but why would his feelings for me be vague? Why doesn't he seek comfort in me? I need a guy who doesn't just disappear, which admittedly he hasn't but there's a guard up for sure.

At first it seemed we were headed that way and now...? This is only OK behavior for me if it's coming from a friend, not a potential boyfriend.

Should I just fade?

Snowmist92 · 2020-06-03T14:29:59+00:00

I'm torn. I was talking to this very attractive, considerate, and respectful (was) man. He was willing to drive 45 mins just to go hiking and talk to me while all this chaos is going on. He didn't seem like he was trying to hookup and he was respectful of boundaries.

We were going great for 3 weeks...and then he rated one of my snap pictures a 1. It was one of those snap filters that's like a game and says "how sexy are you?" I got an 85%. He kept apologizing, but also played mental gymnastics. He said because my eyes were covered that it wasn't a flattering picture and that he wants to see my whole face. Then he said it's a "joke".

I am feeling shitty and couldn't sleep last night. My ex of 5 years "jokingly" picked on each of my body parts, face, and traits to the point I felt horrible. I literally just had an orthotics appointment yesterday too and I was feeling scared/insecure about getting braces. He knew this. It took me a long time to gain my self-esteem back after that relationship...but now this.

He still keeps apologizing. But I have cancelled our date. I won't give in.

mybellyhurts_ · 2020-06-03T13:19:47+00:00

Hi friends,

What’s the time limit for dating to transition to commitment and being GF & BF. I know you have a 3 month mark for sex and max a year for engagement but I’m lost of dating to commitment phase

eng2fly · 2020-06-03T12:48:00+00:00

Ugh guys please check me. I offered to pick up a few domestic duties for my boyfriend (we’re quarantined together and he’s an essential worker) to save us on time but last night he told me to stop picking up everything for him.

He was being nice and said he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to pick up all the domestic duties.

It appears my inner mommy girlfriend is coming out please give me advice on keeping it in check 🤦‍♀️

Snowmist92 · 2020-06-03T09:50:44+00:00

I’ve been talking about my ex a lot on here but that’s because I had a traumatizing break up, and also he’s still on my mind quite often and the isolation of the last few months hasn’t helped.

Today I want to get this off my chest: my ex and I broke up because I caught him with another woman.

They had just come back from dinner. I know him enough to know he took her to a nice place, yet she was wearing short rompers. To a nice place. Early March. For fuck’s sake.

I hate dissing the other woman, because she probably didn’t know he was already in a relationship, but I remember thinking “he left a classy woman for someone who doesn’t even know how to dress appropriately?”

Smh

pinksuede · 2020-06-03T05:01:32+00:00

What are some good strategies to forgive yourself and let go of shame? I've been giving myself a hard time for not following through on my own boundaries, blaming myself for everything, and questioning my worth.

Shaakie · 2020-06-03T04:48:55+00:00

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ScrotesLul · 2020-06-03T00:40:08+00:00

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Pasdepromesses · 2020-06-02T19:52:00+00:00

Hi! I read a post about sending a married man to the local dump. Can’t find it anywhere now! Does anyone know how it’s ends?! So curious 🙈

ello-motto · 2020-06-02T19:43:10+00:00

Hey girls! I'm back again with another question... this one is a little controversial, so feel free to call me out on my BS if this sounds off the wall to you all.

The more I think of the negative effects of porn, onlyfans, provocative insta "models", escorts and prostitution on wider society (especially in catering to LVM), the more I get SO frustrated at the women who are helping these industries proliferate.

I understand there are some SW in our sub just trying to get by, so apologies if my thoughts right now are harsh... but I can't help but feel that the proliferation of women willing to sell their bodies is assisting pornsick low-effort LVM to continue being pornsick low-effort LVM.

I also understand it's ridiculous to put the blame on women who are part of these industries, as there are some very powerful companies/men that are pumping money into these industries and into the ideologies that increase the acceptance of sex positive liberal feminism into the masses through mass media.

I guess my question is, how do I navigate wanting to support and uplift fellow women, yet battle with feeling upset at their choices as they continue to create supply for no-effort LVM to continue being no-effort LVM?

artistaajo · 2020-06-02T19:41:43+00:00

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throw248348 · 2020-06-02T18:13:22+00:00

Been threatened to be part-timed because of a small mistake. I forgot a feature in our company product (its a document automation company). But a colleague added fuel to the fire and told our boss that i made multiple massive mistakes and overall a really bad job. The other colleagues gave me good review. But my boss really likes her so she took her word for it and gave me 2 weeks to get All good reviews, work longer hours to show dedication and fight more for my role.

I loved this company. I was hell bent on taking on more work. Yes, i made a mistake, ONE minor mistake. And I can fix and be better. But I'm no longer dedicated to this company. I feel like I've been thrown under the bus for something else. Also, I'm the only brown in my office, which makes me feel like any white person wouldn't be punished so harshly.

Neorago · 2020-06-02T08:18:19+00:00

I've been talking to a guy who seems nice, no real red flags. One thing though, he'll insert my name into conversation quite often, like every other message he sends he'll say my name in it. I'm not sure if it's his mannerisms or if it's some sort of PUA style tactic? Anyone have any insight into this?

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-06-02T08:09:32+00:00

Friends could you please talk some sense into my inner Pickme?

Thing is, I just realised that if I want to put in all the time and effort I want into levelling up (hobbies + career + health), I'm fucking booked, lol. I genuinely have zero time for dating.

Part of me thinks this is good, but my little pickmeisha heart is screaming with FOMO - I figure most of you ladies are putting yourself out there for dating in some way, and I worry that if I dedicate so much time into levelling up, I'll miss out on... dating? ...men?

gursky0 · 2020-06-02T07:34:08+00:00

I just realized I'm shadowbanned in r/PinkpillFeminism. Because I'm an FDSer?? I can't think of any other reason. I tried to post there once and it didn't show up, and my rare comments don't show up either.

Cassy_85 · 2020-06-02T02:38:46+00:00

[deleted]

pizzamagic · 2020-06-02T02:21:44+00:00

back on OLD service mostly out of curiosity (why oh why am i doing this to myself) and have found mostly lvm to weed through, but a few men that i would potentially be interested in getting to know and feel that i could have some things in common with. except - why do men throw their number at you and expect you to text them to continue the conversation? aren't you supposed to be asking me if you can text me sometime and then asking for my number?

is it just me, or does this seem like the laziest male strategy ever?

writing because i'm a little conflicted. a guy whom i had "liked" liked me back, and proceeded to send me a message the next day. our conversation was going pretty nicely and casually but then he threw the old "heading to work, not much time to talk right now, but here's my number" thing and i'm just torn as to whether or not to actually text him. i was enjoying our conversation and would be interested in getting to know him, but i almost feel like this is some type of bait, lmao...what have y'all done in this situation?

i'm only looking for someone to casually get to know and go on some fun dates with, nothing serious, but i really have to feel a strong interest in someone before i can get to that point, and this guy seems to tick those boxes for me, save for this pro OLD move

girlanarchy · 2020-06-01T22:21:18+00:00

I’m so annoyed that one of the mods of r/datingoverthirty is a guy whose comment history, when not whining about being single, consists of him fetishizing athletic, muscular women that lift. I find it incredibly demeaning and frankly a form of misogyny-lite to wank off to and objectify these particular women - it takes a ton of work and dedication to be a muscular female, especially if you’re not a female bodybuilder (and do CrossFit or Oly or powerlifting instead). He also gets coddled by a lot of the women there because he’s “nice” and doesn’t have luck dating.

Well, frankly, he seems like he missed some stages of development to me, particularly the one where you develop self-awareness. Always complaining how girls aren’t his type and how sad he is to not have a swolemate that fits his checklist of requirements for a woman. Meanwhile he’s very short and cross eyed and should probably reconsider his criteria for a “good woman.”

Being a novelty and objectified for a muscular physique vs respected for the discipline and dedication it takes to achieve that physique gets to me as a female powerlifter - especially when the aesthetic result is simply an extension of my actual goal, which is to be strong AF. It was such a gross thing I dealt with when I was using the apps and dating, and it just irritates me to see that kind of gross man as a moderator in a dating sub.

minoandmiko · 2020-06-01T20:23:43+00:00

Hello ladies. I posted a question on r/relationships (link here) and it appears that all the replies that I received were from men and kinda harsh/attacking me. I'd appreciate if I could get a perspective from a women here with regards to my situation.

Flair: FDS Newbie

honeybeeroll · 2020-06-01T19:55:30+00:00

I'm looking to build a list of little behaviors that are, in actuality, red flags. This is stuff outside of what's in the handbook and outside of the obvious (like has poor hygenie and watches porn). In the past I was ignorant and didn't realize certain "little" things = guy I should run away from screaming, so if I ever want to date again I want to be zero percent ignorant.

Below are some examples of what I mean. Would appreciate it if anyone could add something:

complains a lot about a female coworker/aquaintence (I've seen women day here it's v likely this means he's into her)
follows a lot of women on social media (I don't mean insta thots/ones who post nudes, I mean females in general)
follows a lot of women and/or has a history of exes who all look similar to each other, but who do not look like you (not same body type, ethnicity, etc)

EDIT: edited the last point for clarity.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-06-01T17:43:21+00:00

[deleted]

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-06-01T15:42:22+00:00

Edit: multiple men in my life trying to use me as a fucking babysitter. Idc if you're bored matey I'm not your feckin mother

YarikEnterprise · 2020-06-01T15:23:09+00:00

[deleted]

Throwawaylikehay · 2020-06-01T07:39:07+00:00

What is the psychology behind narcissistic men? (Fuckbois) why is it that they prey upon women who are naive? And how can women who believe in FDS, but are relatively inexperienced, figure out a man is a narc in a second?

featherflowers · 2020-06-01T01:42:55+00:00

I'm struggling with a man being nice to me???

This has happened the last few times I've been interested enough to keep seeing someone. So I've made major progress by not continuing to see people that are actively shitty to me, but I just don't know what to say or how to be when a guy is nice to me. For instance a man I've been seeing (that I have known peripherally for years) said texting me is the best part of his day and he looks forward to it while he's at work. I felt uncomfortable about this. The best part of my day is taking off my bra after work. Is this like normal good vetting apathy I'm having or what? I don't want to have a crush but feel like if this was the right man hearing that would make me melt. Instead I felt burdened. Does that make sense? I would just like some advice about this and wasn't sure it was worth a full post.

2020-06-01T00:38:29+00:00

[removed]

Octavera · 2020-06-01T00:15:01+00:00

I posted a relationship advice question (in a separate post) which was "automatically removed by the moderators" immediately. Is that not allowed? I was really looking for an FDS perspective

whatisfunemployment · 2020-05-31T23:46:06+00:00

I've been thinking, I really need to focus on making friends, especially gal pals. I have never prioritized socializing (or having fun!), and I don't hate myself for it, I needed to work hard. But I kinda hate myself for it now that I'm so freaking bored, and now that I want to travel and have exciting experiences (in due time, when it's safe) but I'm not that close to anyone.

carter892 · 2020-05-31T22:49:45+00:00

Anyone try out the app Cuff? https://apps.apple.com/us/app/cuff-schedule-video-dates/id1514536428 Want to make sure its safe before going on video dates with ppl

srkambbs1 · 2020-05-31T22:39:21+00:00

[deleted]

ello-motto · 2020-05-31T22:25:01+00:00

I got downvoted on r/relationship_advice for sticking up for FDS. Even in a comment where I wrote it has helped women leave relationships where they were mistreated, gaslighted and has helped women understand their worth and boundaries.

I literally don't understand who in their heart can downvote a comment where they disagree with a women finding empowerment, boundaries and self-worth after being mistreated just because it's coming from FDS? What kind of world are these people living in where that's wrong?! 🤨

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-05-31T21:38:45+00:00

I have been trying to cut down on my internet use... which means less FDS... but I've been reading psychopath free by Jackson Mackenzie instead. Would recommend

divdec · 2020-05-31T21:17:26+00:00

Anyone have FDS Netflix recommendations?

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	22
Comments	296
Date	May 31, 2020 7:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gu54wn/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.692022 https://theredarchive.com/post/692022

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