Women leaving the dating apps

letsberealforamoment · 2022-02-22T03:40:57+00:00

Men treat dating apps like Craigslist personal ads of yore.
Because women are the PRODUCT not the customer
Too many married men on them.
Because dating apps don't require background checks.
Because men don't read profiles and just mindlessly swipe right on anything.

I_was_there_for_you · 2022-02-22T03:55:13+00:00

To me it was just exhausting. Over the period I was on the apps I had to have gotten over 1,000 matches and hundreds of conversations. It’s impersonal and it took a lot of work to vet out the guys who acted like they wanted relationships but were only looking for sex.

I think women are leaving dating apps because we want to find men who aren’t also on the dating apps. Dating apps give an illusion of an endless supply of potential partners and it causes men to not want to settle down & are always looking for slightly greener grass. Not to mention how scary it was for men to act aggressive towards me when I didn’t sleep with them after a dinner date. I never picked expensive restaurants for the first date either.

Edit: I should add that I understand statistically average women are all swiping right on the top ~10% of dudes on there, and those dudes probably know they have more options and are less likely to settle down.

I’m not sure why it doesn’t get through to the average man’s head but literally stepping up your hygiene and wardrobe, getting decent and interesting photos, having hobbies outside of the house, be willing to invest in a $20 dinner, and not actively pressuring women to have sex right away can easily get them in the top 20% of dudes on dating apps.

xsweaterxweatherx · 2022-02-22T05:08:38+00:00

Dating apps force you to dox yourself. They need your location, real name, and photos. That’s…not something I want to share with strangers online, especially those that are using dating apps in bad faith.

Tzarzarina · 2022-02-22T05:26:43+00:00

Dating apps are unsafe for women. Period. Giving random men access to your photos and location is a situation that women would never participate in real life.

creamtart_ · 2022-02-22T06:15:53+00:00

I went through my saved posts to share these. These posts and their comments are some great insights into the dumpster fire that is OLD. There’s plenty more if you search the sub, but some have been deleted and this is what I had saved. Hope they help.

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Platipus6 · 2022-02-22T05:13:04+00:00

Because it's just another app in a long line of things that men have associated with penis gratification.

They create a parasocial emotional relationship on OF

They have a fantasy sexual relationship with pornhub, often for decades, which lasts longer than, and is permanently in the background of their relationships with women

They browse 'girlfriend material' photoshopped instabaddies which inflates their massive entitlements to unrealistic proportions

They then use OLD to order a free hooker.

The disrespect and objectification and dehumanization I've seen increasing over the years from men who use dating apps is revolting. They're absolutely dead-eyed and dick-in-hand.

They just rotate through the apps depending on their mood and wants. Bored, stressed, lonely, sad? Pick up phone, jerk off, feel better.

They bring nothing to the 'relationship' because they're fulfilling themselves in a perverted, unreal manner with the block of plastic attached to their hand.

akashyaboa · 2022-02-22T09:18:08+00:00

It makes no sense since men admitted swiping right to any girl to have more matches. You think you are matching with a guy because you both liked each other, when actually you matching with them because they didn't even look who you are. So the bios fall too, since they obviously don't read those. Then you speak yo a person thinking they singled you out when no. To me it is the equivalent of talking to a man that approached you with a "Hey" in the street.

BusinessTwistofLime · 2022-02-22T05:24:25+00:00

There's also the misrepresentation of what they're looking for. For the more relationship oriented apps, they have "looking for a relationship" but then on Tinder/more hook-up oriented apps they're down for everything!

One woman on here commented about creating a fake profile so she could see if these guys were posting more hook-up oriented profiles on Tinder (which are probably closer to the truth) vs Hinge/Bumble. If she saw that they were down for hook-ups on Tinder, she stopped talking to them on Hinge/Bumble.

Men are lying about what they want and we're being taken advantage of by their lies.

Also - the serious lack of STD tests!! There's no way of protecting ourselves from salacious men who have become community dick. They use the apps to create a sexual pipeline of potential candidates. Condoms don't protect against everything and there's also the issue of stealthing.

millennialpink2000 · 2022-02-22T04:44:40+00:00

I tell women to avoid apps because it feels gross to commodify yourself for some guy to swipe while he's on the toilet. That's not how decent men met their wives

ThrowRA_lantern · 2022-02-22T03:47:00+00:00

Someone can help me with the specific statistics, but the ratio of men:women on the apps are just ridiculous. It’s like 70% men 30% women or something like that. And majority of those men are desperate and LV whose attitude worsens with time as they continue to fight over the minimal women on the app. And when they finally land themselves a match, it doesn’t feel so special to the woman because these men have just been swiping on EVERY woman on the app. Basically, women using dating apps are just swiping through trash and getting a false sense of connection, why even bother!! Most HVM don’t have time to endlessly swipe through an app filled with random strangers with often minimal success.

vc062701 · 2022-02-22T06:46:43+00:00

I was raped by a lvm I met on a dating app. I rejected him and he couldn't handle it. That incident is what lead me to FDS and away from dating apps

Ladies be careful out there and never give someone expressing low value traits a chance. Their emotional immaturity can be very dangerous

crapcakes0987 · 2022-02-22T04:28:27+00:00

The biggest reasons I left were:

Too many men with poor jobs or unemployed.
They jump straight to dirty stuff or want to see me at their place for dirty stuff in the first few days. Ew. No thanks.
I don’t want to be murdered/physically hurt or kidnapped or something. Bc I am tiny and skinny.
Most of them don’t want something serious and they have serious mental issues or mommy/daddy issues. I don’t want to be their therapist.
They can’t hold conversations and ghost me eventually

Patient-Pineapple-29 · 2022-02-22T08:01:26+00:00

Everyone that is looking for an actual relationship should delete those apps as they aren't designed to match 2 people up and potentially lose them forever as customers but they are designed to keep them in. So even if they advertise themselves as match making sites to keep attracting most of their female customers, they are in fact just there for people to find endless hookups so that they will stay there to keep finding more. Men have been using these apps accordingly for the longest time while a small percentage of men and most women let themselves get deluded by the false advertisements.

Zitrone77 · 2022-02-22T09:47:52+00:00

The fact that women are the product and that they all have a clause in their terms and conditions that they take no responsibility if something happens. And when you do report something, the app does NOTHING. I hope women leave these apps soon. The entitlement from men who think they get sex from it is disgusting.

amstarcasanova · 2022-02-22T04:25:39+00:00

The last time I matched with a man on a dating app, I ended up telling his long term girlfriend he was using a fake name to cheat on her. I also saw a cop who was wanting to use his police car to fulfill some pulled over in the middle of nowhere handcuffed fantasy. The red flags are plastered all over their profile, I have zero desire to swipe through them all. I don't think it's worth it to spend my time sorting through trash.

Creepy-Night936 · 2022-02-22T05:25:42+00:00

I met a guy on a dating app that lied about his age, saying he's 38 when he's really 46. He's in some sort of "real estate" yet his business never thrived because he's just waiting for the right person to buy the properties he's selling lol. Another red flag was him talking shit about his ex girlfriends haha he's a textbook narcissist so I left before anything could happen.

It's true that scrotes have us living in their minds rent free when we leave them before the abuse starts. He doesn't stop love bombing me, saying how much he missed me. I blocked his annoying ass.

I'm financially independent and secured. I know he's looking at me for free meals and as his bang maid lol never again with these apps

frogchickenhorse · 2022-02-22T10:17:23+00:00

Agreed with the exhausting part. The language men use on old is disgusting. It’s the same experience with each match, liars, fuckboys and guys with untreated mental health issues plus low motivation/effort for anything in their lives. Most of them want sex but don’t want the companionship or caring for their partner. Just what we can do for them.

saint-jezebel · 2022-02-22T13:16:34+00:00

Hope I’m on time here. For me, majority of men put in little to zero effort in their profiles. This shows up in person. I even saw one (who some would consider a chad and he matched with me first) that said he’s only into donuts (we know what that means). Swipe left, like what? For ones that put in some effort, it didn’t make them any better, for they were either liars, or were “poly” and again, we know what that means.

When these men message you (and I got A LOT) they were trash. Even with a time delay, they were either boring, duds or pushy. I looked around and read other womens safety tips and finally got google voice because one guy harassed me so bad.

Last, many of these men aren’t looking for relationships and if they are, they are really looking for women who are going to “put in a lot of work” because that’s what OLD entails. Worst, they look at women as cattle selection, pick the best one, but have no intentions on keeping it alive once they make their pick. Others mostly treat it as free sex. I lasted a whole 2 months and said nope, never again. No better than dumpster diving.

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-02-22T14:42:56+00:00

So many! This is a collection of what queens on here have said, and I agree:

Lack of romance
wondering if he actually likes you or just swiped on you because he was desperate
lack of data to know how he would have approached you first IRL
Lack of background checks
men infiltrating the "relationship" apps and using them for hookups
Men inherently valuing women on the apps less, because she is seen as "desperate" (you're on there too dude 🤯) or seeing them as "easy"
Lack of questions to screen compatibility (hinge, match, coffee meets bagel), or the app tries to match you with people with opposite life goals/lifestyle
Getting matched with spam profiles that are literally copied and pasted from a random history textbook or something
Men who want you to come over to their house instead of taking you out on an actual date
Other misogyny (if she likes x hobby, that means I don't have to put in effort/treat her well)
Feeding into the delusion some 50+ year old men about being entitled to a woman in her 20s
Attracts people on the rebound
People "delete the app" without deleting the profile, easy to cheat
Easier to lower standards because OLD seems to attract the bottom-barrel men. "Ah, this one doesn't look like a walking red flag like the 20+ other profiles today"
It's exhausting
Not fun
Men will Swipe right on profiles with no pic/without reading a profile
Men on there will Bully you for rejecting them via the app, so women have to block them for safety (what do you mean we're not compatible? Don't jUdGe meeee you b*tch"
Men go on there to literally insult you

ThornyRascal · 2022-02-22T07:02:02+00:00

Very reductive (hard to get a true sense of people from pics & short prompts)
A lot of deception & lies (increasingly high number of romantic scams; out-of-date/fake pictures; ppl cheating)
It's a meat market-- very objectifying & too many ppl in-general

Philodendronfanatic · 2022-02-22T10:57:15+00:00

The time it takes to sort through people who would be an instant no if I saw them in real life is crazy. Instead of seeing someone for a few seconds and seeing if I find them attractive, like their hygiene, appearance, manners, weight, fitness, bearing, height, grooming, style etc. I'm stuck looking at a profile with minimal useful information or shoddy pictures that are years old.

Edit: I gave up after a week so I'm sure how relevant this info is.

ndf250 · 2022-02-22T03:41:14+00:00

Feel free to go look at my most recent post on here and you can add that to your list 😂😂😂😂 men can be psychotic.

ConfusedBisexual1992 · 2022-02-22T13:11:26+00:00

There’s less than 2% of men on OLD that would be worth dating, if you’re looking for more than mediocre casual sex.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2022-02-22T07:08:21+00:00

Because you can swipe through 300 men without even seeing one that you'd want to date, and frankly, I have better things to do with my time.

up_d00t · 2022-02-22T07:04:59+00:00

Okay. Let's pretend dating apps were a bar. If there were 500 men in there I'd find maybe 100 physically attractive. Of those maybe 10 would be worth a first date. There's still no guarantee that I'd find someone worth marrying.

However I'm now in a bar with 490 men I've rejected. What are the chances I'm getting murdered? Raped? Think I'll stay home, thanks.

oddcharm · 2022-02-22T12:39:49+00:00

tbh the only thing I’d care about is reasons why men have seemingly dehumanized women due to them/ how the apps specifically have increased sexual assaults. i dont really feel like it’s very informative to just point out that it can happen on apps… it can happen anywhere

candyfox84 · 2022-02-22T15:41:58+00:00

I think one thing that impacted my use of dating apps is how they've changed over time. Maybe it's just me but I remember c. 2008 people on apps were specifically looking for a relationship. Initially the apps (mainly match) seemed to draw from a pool of men in their 30s ready to commit but who otherwise hadn't found the one. Yes, it seemed to include people who were more desperate to meet someone, but ready to commit nonetheless (a plus). The men I met offered a good date place and interesting conversation. I have no bad memories of online dates back then.

But now, complete opposite. Filters don't work, and people lie. The last time I dated online was over three years ago, the men were straight up sociopaths. Lying about their age or marital status, using the anonimity to their advantage. A lot of these men are also addicts, addicted to the experience of swiping and meeting as many women as possible. They cannot stop. None of them offered an interesting dating experience except for one (who I did end up dating) but found out later he never went off the app.

rightsun__ · 2022-02-22T03:58:12+00:00

Personally, I’m not in to the type of men who use/like dating apps. I don’t find a man who can look at an app that’s commodifying dating/love/women and reduces all their effort to a simple swipe attractive in anyway. I wouldn’t hang around a smoke shop if I wasn’t in to smokers, so I won’t hang around a dating app if I’m not in to lazy men.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2022-02-22T10:32:03+00:00

The men on these apps want to be chased! And my pickmeisha friends do chase them so I can see how they’ve come to expect it. Even when I met guys who pretended to put in some initial effort, after a few dates they’d revert back to expecting me to lead so it would fizzle out on my end. Odd when you consider the stats and how few women they match with.

Ultimately I realised that even the ‘nice guys’ are using the apps for hookup sex and their filter is to put in low effort to filter out women with boundaries who want relationships. All of the men! If they fail to get sex on the first one or two dates it’s back to swiping they go.

detikripur · 2022-02-22T06:45:52+00:00

I went on Tinder twice in 3 years, 24 h each time. It was a shit show each time. Just couldn’t. Each and every guy I matched asked me about something related to sex. Some of them were like:”Hi, my name is x and I like y kind of sex. You?” And when I would protest that it wasn’t the right way to talk to someone you barely know I got patronized at best and verbally assaulted at worse. Never again.

Routine_Emu_3832 · 2022-02-22T05:31:00+00:00

LVM are over-represented on dating apps. Men on apps, more than the average man:

Have been unsuccessful at relationships. They're more likely to lack the skills to attract and intrigue a partner, and build and sustain a relationship. This can be due to many things like: mental illness (prevalent on dating sites), narcissism or self-absorption, poor social skills, inability to seduce/please a woman, negative outlook on life, bad hygiene, porn sickness, cheating, thriving on NRE, etc etc. But it's a giant pool of the worst potential partners.
Use the online venue to lie about themselves. Age, height, success, not actually being single..... there are a myriad of ways men use online apps to lure women under false pretences.
Use apps to target much younger women than they'd normally meet. Apps let them target any age they like, and men lie about their ages to get around younger women's age maximums. They even sometimes shamelessly admit to their actual age (usually 7-10 yrs older) in their bio. And apps do not allow the reporting of profiles for lying about their age, even though the reason they lie is nefarious.

elainejay82 · 2022-02-22T05:39:48+00:00

While I was on it for a couple years, every single man I met up with couldn't believe I was on an app. I mean they had literal shock on their faces the first times they saw me.

This tells me a couple things. They don't think women of value are on there and think there has to be something wrong with you if you are using them. "How are you on an app?! What's the catch?" The catch was that I had been out of dating for 13 years while monogamous and literally thought OLD was just the way to go about dating.

To men on OLD, you are automatically not taken seriously as a HVW potential mate. It's illogical, but it's all I encountered on there.

My other biggest experience from a decent spread of men I met on there is that they were just spinning plates. It was the first time I'd ever been ghosted after sex, used to show off to the guy's family so he appeared to be leveling up, almost got wrapped up with a pill head, got used by a guy to have someone to show off at his 30th bday party, etc. Most of these guys really appeared to be HV too and I was exercising vetting skills pretty harshly at the time.

Men are shit everywhere, but I met nothing but fuckbois on there and I'm thankful everyday that I realized quickly it was not a good use of my time and that I was getting myself exposed to creeps I wouldn't have initially given the time of day. I'm also sincerely thankful that nothing worse happened to me as exposing ourselves to this many dudes, statistically, is just dangerous af for us.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-22T15:29:51+00:00

Not only have they been assaulted, there are stories about them being m*rdered!!

We need to get the "success stories" from these apps and do a "risk/reward" analysis to even see it's worth it. My guess is not, but it's good to get the info out there to help these young women out.

The dating apps (apparently, I only go on for the lols and dead fish) also have fewer women going on so it's like feeding yourself to a pack of starving wolves.

Kimpractical · 2022-02-22T15:41:04+00:00

I have never in my life met a man from a dating app who wanted more than just sex. Men are just constantly looking for their next nut and this puts women in so many creepy and dangerous situations since so many guys get very aggressive if they don’t get what they want. Everytime we go out with a man we don’t know we have to look him up, give his info to family and friends, tell them where we are going, bring mace or a tazor. So much anxiety about staying safe for date, it’s just not fun. Dates are supposed to be fun

batfamly · 2022-02-22T05:44:31+00:00

Apps were created by men in the patriarchal tech industry. Bumble, created by a woman, is still just the #girlboss version. Apps are run by algorithms meant to lower people's self-worth (by showing a high number of conventionally attractive person in a burst followed by likes from weirdos among other algorithmic flaws, such as racial bias) to keep everyone on the app.
Apps make relationships transactional and ego-driven, instead of bonding and connective, which is what is required in dating. People swipe out of boredom and to boost their ego.
Apps are capitalistic and are selling their features to whoever will bite and collecting data. This means wearing people down with low quality matches until they buy the monetized features.
Apps in general don't offer that 'je ne sais quoi' that is needed in person that builds rapport--body language, micro expressions, mood, ambiance etc. People misread tone of messages all the time. I knew a dating coach who said apps are for girls who need a pen pal.
If you look at the history of human relationships, apps are basically dystopian. It becomes shopping for a human being. You scroll and distill a person down to photos and prompts in a way that you would never do in person, regardless of attraction level.

Honestly, I could write a book why we should all abandon dating apps for the sake of communities and humanity. Dating used to be something that was community driven. It wasn't uncommon or weird for your friends or family to set you up. Our society no longer emphasizes that sort of community effort in creating bonds so we turn to apps. Women complain, rightfully so, about getting hit on in unwanted contexts, such as gas stations, the gym and so on. But overall, women also need to get better at welcoming rapport and enforcing boundaries with men in person to beat these f*cking apps.

ETA: I would love to read your article when you're done. I don't have DMs on but I can turn them on if you're interested in sharing in the future.

cookiemobster13 · 2022-02-22T05:23:52+00:00

My experience with OLD ran me into a cluster of cluster Bs. I think dating apps lend themselves to people with personality disorders that I am more than done dealing with.

mrs-not-know-it-all · 2022-02-22T07:28:18+00:00

It's really time consuming, you get matched with ton of men who are not willing to put effort on a healthy conversation, are living to try to get you to hook up or feel entitled to your time, eventually all your convos start to look the same. So you have to endure like 30 of this interactions to finally find a date, that you're not even sure if you'll have good chemistry.
Men are more likely to be rude and insult you if you dare to set a boundary or not give them what they want. They feel protected by anonymity and they don't have to see you face to face. This can be detrimental to your mental health.
You get treated like a free sex worker. No, thanks.
Speaking of which I have also been offered money in exchange of sexual favors, which is solicitation and a crime in a lot of places.
Safety, the amount of women who's had been assaulted and murdered by old dates is increasingly alarming. One woman should be one to many, but I guess more people benefit from shipping it under the carpet than from actually addressing the underlying implications.

katiekat0214 · 2022-02-22T19:04:29+00:00

Apps promote looks over preferences. So many men look only at pictures and don't bother to read what someone else wrote. Prime example: I'm a widow and childfree. I make it ABUNDANTLY clear I don't have kids, and don't want anyone else's either. Who contacted me most often? Single dads. /facepalm

Apps also promote the idea that everyone is an option, no one is a choice. It makes everyone generic, replaceable, interchangeable, when as humans, we are all unique and talented in our own ways, and deserve to be seen as such. Women are already objectified enough. Dating apps take objectification to an extreme.

applestorm · 2022-02-22T20:24:17+00:00

More than anything, I don't want to give the opportunity to random men to disrespect me. Through apps, many men get the courage to send dirty messages to women or straight up tell them to come over to chill.

In real life, very few men (even the street pickup artists) have the guts to say this. That's it. I don't want to give men the opportunity to disrespect me.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-22T09:50:27+00:00

My main reason of leaving dating apps is because of the anxiety coupled with an adrenaline and dopamine surge it gives. I personally, become more impulsive and less careful. It's bad for me so I will never use it again. I stop eating, I stop seeing my friends, I become overinvolved and erratic because the app is apparently rewarding. 100 matches/ day and you start to think you can do anything you want with these people. It's dehumanizing.

It's apparently "unlimited" access to other people's lives. It's like window shopping. It commodifies relationships out the idea of one

When you see so many options, you become less careful and sure of what you want.

When men see a selection of hundreds of women, they start thinking they need to bed all of them and sample all of them.

Men show their true face on dating apps. Some will blatantly mistreat and be verbally abusive towards women. Some will learn to hide this abusiveness and misogyny and coat it in charm only to prove to the woman, when they don't get what they desire that they are not very different from the usual jerks. Some men will wait until they extract benefits and sex to show their jerk face. Then they will return to the dating app to the neverending selection of women to catch anther victim and do the same.

mandoa_sky · 2022-02-22T06:22:24+00:00

Title	Women leaving the dating apps
Author	DivineGoddess1111111
Upvotes	671
Comments	127
Date	February 22, 2022 3:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/syd1vs/women_leaving_the_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/women-leaving-the-dating-apps.1103582 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103582

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