High value men mostly end up with high value women

Zabadoodude · 2026-03-22T15:49:17+00:00

While that is true, they often aren't high value in the same ways. I know a number of men that are in the top 10% income earners (including myself) Most of these men are in relationships, none with women that are also top 10% earners. They are still high value women, though.

roskybosky · 2026-03-22T15:30:39+00:00

If you notice, wealthy people tend to marry into other wealthy families. They swim in the same pond, and meet their spouses at the country club or tennis court. You don’t see wealthy men or women out in clubs or at the bar.

thinkB4WeSpeak · 2026-03-22T14:52:49+00:00

I mean people with degrees marry other people with degrees statistically at a high rate. For the wealthy they usually find people of their own class because that's who they're around most of the time. Events, college, work, is how you meet people outside of apps

LowerKaleidoscope369 · 2026-03-22T14:38:19+00:00

Nothing new. Most relationships are between people with similar social backgrounds and believes. Die I don’t get why red pill guys reduce everyone to “value.” Putting numbers on people is just weir

DzejSiDi · 2026-03-22T17:43:18+00:00

High value men mostly end up with high value women

I agree, that's how it roughly works, but we're talking of course in context of sexual market value, not "net worth" or somethings.

but this idea that a guy who’s a top 10% earner will be perfectly fine dating or marrying any woman below him is a lie.

...I have no idea what to tell you, but a lot of IT guys I know/knew were unaware about your opinion and married somebody who was making 50% or 1/3rd their earnings. Unless "below him" is still in context of SMV, then I again, agree.

So no the doctor or engineer or stockbroker isn’t likely to find his wife at Starbucks or Walmart like your local manosphere guru claims.

Be precise. No "guru" I know claimed that those people will be likely to do so, but claimed they will be fine with that (contrary to high-earning women).

As you mentioned, there is also a very strong trend predicting who a person is going to end up with that I will just retranslate as ... "social circles". Yes, most people pick somebody from their social circles, especially if those individuals are attractive and therefore have more people initially interested in them. That's why a lot of doctors marry other doctors and so on. But this is no contrary to what dating gurus were telling you at all.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-03-22T14:51:07+00:00

This idea that red pill invented “high value men” is already off. Every side talks about it. The difference is just how it’s used sometimes to explain dating, other times to shame men who aren’t making enough money.

But the bigger problem is the fantasy that gets pushed alongside it.

There’s this narrative that if a man cracks the top 10% in income, he suddenly unlocks the entire dating pool. Like he can just pick any woman he wants and lock her down long term regardless of background, lifestyle, or education.

That’s not reality. That’s cope.

Most relationships don’t work like that. They follow homogamy. People pair with others who are on their level: education, lifestyle, social circle, values. High-earning men don’t just magically detach from that. They date and marry within the environments they actually live in.

Doctors meet women in hospitals, universities, and professional networks. Finance guys meet women in similar social circles. They’re not consistently pulling long-term partners out of completely different socioeconomic environments like some manosphere talking point suggests.

And the “trophy wife” example gets abused to prop up the argument, even though it’s rare and usually misunderstood. A lot of those women are educated, socially aligned, and choosing not to work. not being “rescued” from a lower tier.

And that dynamic? That’s mostly in the top 1–2%, not your average top 10% earner.

What’s really happening is people are confusing attention with outcomes. Just because a man can attract a wider range of women doesn’t mean those relationships will actually stick long term.

So no. making more money doesn’t suddenly break social matching patterns. It just gives you more exposure.

If anything, believing it does is exactly why people keep misunderstanding how dating actually works.

Prudent_Heat23 · 2026-03-22T15:06:17+00:00

Most people pair off with someone similar to themselves: True

Men are far more willing than women to date/marry someone with a significantly less prestigious career than themselves: True also

In no way do these conflict.

abaxeron · 2026-03-23T10:24:12+00:00

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/268228333_Life_Paths_and_Accomplishments_of_Mathematically_Precocious_Males_and_Females_Four_Decades_Later

https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Annual-incomes-of-participants-and-their-spouses-The-graph-in-a-shows-median-annual_fig3_268228333

At around $400k/y, average salary of the wife of male primary breadwinner drops to basically zero and stays there.

Even at $150k/y, the wife's salary is basically insignificant.

Twenty-three percent of American married women have zero income, and this estimate has been stagnant since the 1990s.

Your title is technically correct, but it contradicts the body of your post. High-MAN-value men end up with high-WOMAN-value women. Men's and women's value are not the same.

Hungry-Plantain-3315 · 2026-03-22T14:23:18+00:00

What is a high value man to you?

matthedev · 2026-03-22T17:23:01+00:00

You assume there's a consistent, objective linearization of "value," such that everyone would sort according to income bracket, for example. Software engineering can (or used to) have decently high total compensation, for example, but software engineers also tend to be surrounded by dudes all day from college (computer science majors) onward, so they're more likely to meet a potential partner at a restaurant or coffee shop than through professional settings.

I value intelligence in a long-term partner, which may correlate with income, but I really don't look at a woman's income as a priority when I date.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2026-03-22T21:49:46+00:00

redpill claims that those women will get sex but zero commitment from said high value men, as there will always be a group of guys down for easy sex. The issue for women is that they then think those guys will marry them which they don’t.

men are far less likely to care about there partners income then it is the other way around however rich people usually hang around others from wealth backgrounds which gives them a larger chance of meeting other Rich people.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-03-22T15:13:26+00:00

Because the looser dude watching the content would be 100% happy with the waitress at the mom and pop diner, so he thinks he’s gonna level up and then wife her up, not realizing that if he levels up, his standards will change

MissParTee · 2026-03-22T14:40:58+00:00

My husband is highly educated (2 PhD’s, law and business), I just hold a Master's in Child Development and Education. Basically, he is a partner at a law form and I’m a teacher. That’s a pretty big educational gap. Never have to work a day in my life again, but here I am still doing it (3 days a week). Also after becoming a mother.

We all value different things in life, and you can find love at places you would not immediately imagine. AGR’s are a thing, and there is people who ‘date up’ (or down). I see so many different couples in our area. Everyone has a different taste of what and who is of high(er) value.

-TheUnstoppable- · 2026-03-22T14:56:16+00:00

I agree that it is unlikely, but there are rare exceptions.

I read somewhere that women don't care if a man makes significantly less money, but I don't believe it to be true. The same way a dime won't be "settling" for a 7. People want as close to "equals" as possible, both financially and aesthetically. It's shallow, but it is what it is.

Environmental_Day558 · 2026-03-22T15:22:54+00:00

I'm well into the top 10% income wise and when my wife and I met (on a dating app) she didn't have a job and lived with her parents. When she did get one she wasn't making more than 40k a year, and she's been laid off since August of last year. So I think there is some truth to that, but main reason you see high earning men paired up with other high earning women is proximity. They're more likely to be around each other in college, work, or networking events. Me I was a commuter in undergrad, did online masters, and my office is 95% old white men. I did date a girl once that was in my field that made the same as me (initially a bit more), but that relationship was terrible. I could get into it but this comment would be an essay, but I'll just say type A career women can be insufferable so I never prioritized that when it came to dating.

Neither-Lie-1095 · 2026-03-22T21:14:24+00:00

HVM is actually an FDS term. It didn't originate from red pill at all. But the spousal income gap is a bit over 30%. It's bigger than the gender wage gap and way bigger than the adjusted gender wage gap. So yes income hypergamy is alive and well. The other kinds of hypergamy are also quite real.

It gets even worse if we adjust for marriage rates and include single people. The wealthy are getting married. Low income people aren't marrying because low income women are chasing high income men. There's lots of side pieces in the world; almost all of them are low income women.

salphon · 2026-03-22T22:29:35+00:00

Do you have any studies?

About 75% of Swedish men in the top 1% of income earners are married to a woman outside the top 10%. For women, it's the opposite, with about 75% in the top 1% married to a man also in the top 10%.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S004727271930177X

Jephta · 2026-03-23T06:29:05+00:00

I'm a millionaire that retired from work forever at age 34 to live off passive income. At best, a woman's job is a +0. At worst, and most commonly it's a negative. I've dated with "unemployed highly welcome" in my profile before.

Your point about "high value women" is right, but it's not related to her income at all.

Pleasant-Toe8878 · 2026-03-22T15:16:41+00:00

"High value man" as a term was invented by FDS. It means a rich simp.

The manosphere, especially RP, states that there's no singular value when it comes to dating and relationships. At the very least, there are SMV and RMV. The ability to generate arousal in the other sex, and the desirability for a relationship, respectively.

So, clearly, you have no idea of even the basic RP concepts — therefore, the ideas are meaningless to you.

JasonPegasi · 2026-03-22T17:39:10+00:00

If you flipped it it would be more accurate. High value women mostly end up with high value men

High value men, not always, because of hypergamy, evidenced by the fact that far larger a percent of men report being single than women, meaning some harems are forming

Certain_Process_7657 · 2026-03-22T22:45:48+00:00

I think you're misinterpreting the term value when it comes to calculating a woman's SMV. Yes these women may come from Daddy's money but the reason they're chosen is because they're physically attractive and fertile (young age).

A 34 yr old high IQ high earning lawyer has absolutely no higher chance of finding a high value man. These are the delusional women that RP men are talking about. They'd much rather pick the hot barista than the successful career woman.

DietTyrone · 2026-03-22T15:47:48+00:00

What do you think makes a woman high value and why would a woman working at Starbucks not qualify? What makes a woman high value to men is usually not the same as what makes a man high value to women.

HalfwaydonewithEarth · 2026-03-22T14:49:00+00:00

You believe so many lies it's hilarious!

This is obviously written by a boss babe passed over.

Men will fall in love with anything cute. Matt Damon married a bartender.

Yes career people gravitate towards eachother for survival. One figures that them together being ambitious and building would render them better off.

I have a 1% husband who doesn't make me work and guess what????

I am a 1% in other attributes like being ultra supportive. Not many women can handle a partner coming to them confessing they lost $100,000 in an overseas investment. Most women would freak. It's the equivalent of $200,000 in today's dollars. Most women get upset if their man wastes $500.

I also understand compounding and living below our means. Most women in my situation would be demanding expensive purses, clothing, homes, and cars. I am into none of this. We both like doing Fire.

I also have flexibility to travel. Most women couldn't handle being in hotels up to 14 weeks a year. They have their garden, friends, and pets.

Most women would never study men and how to be a comfort to them. They mainly think of what he could do for them.

Most women wouldn't sit and fill out a bracket with their man or play fantasty football. I will sit and watch sports with my man enthusiastically twelve months a year. Most ladies roll their eyes and get annoyed with constant games going. I get my man gambling on the games and make him give me the money. Plus I beat him at fantasy.

So there are distinctions between women. I don't nag and start fights. I just try to be ultra loving and comforting. He and I like discussing WW2. We have nerdy topics we like chatting about.

Men seek out comfort, peace, and warmth.

Men like sex, food, and hobbies. They are quite simple.

Turbulent-Serve5777 · 2026-03-22T15:09:42+00:00

THey fuck lots of low value women. Sure they don't LTR and have children with mid and low value women but they fuck them.

Werevulvi · 2026-03-22T16:44:11+00:00

Yes in LTR most people stick within their own social/economic class. But this isn't nearly as strict in casual dating. Then it's not exactly uncommon to see men dating down, and women dating up. Most often mid to barely above average women dating the top 10% men. Rarely ever below average women, but no one really wants us anyway.

No those relationships aren't usually sustainable long term. They're the side chicks or one night stands, basically not what most women aspire to be. But much of the red pill (at least on here) are men, who don't care about long term dating. They value short term dating and casual sex the most. Having as many women going after them as possible. So their focus is gonna be on those casual relationships, not marriage.

So you're not wrong, but this also isn't really relevant to most of the red pill.

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Neptune-Jnr · 2026-03-22T21:05:49+00:00

This was warped from the original argument. That regular men don't need their wives to be high earners. The average guy is okay dating a guy a walmart girl making 30k a year. High earners are a small part of the dating pool.

CelicnisGhost · 2026-03-23T00:46:51+00:00

Okay so I guess I'm not really married yet, but I make 8x the average income for my country and my wife will definitely be a SAH mom. I don't want one that works.

If it ends up being the girl I am currently with (which it might) she most definitely is not a "highly educated" one.

You've defined your debate too broadly. What's a "high value man"?

Cause I'm gonna agree that people coming from wealth probably won't end up with the Walmart girl, but an average joe that built himself up into a top 1% man is highly likely to.

SivalV · 2026-03-23T02:30:31+00:00

I am fit and rather good looking, have a degree in mechanical engineering, and despite only recently starting my carreer officialy I am pretty well off for my country's standards. Not rich by any means but I can pick furniture for looks and buy the fancy butter without thinking about it (I still often compare prices though). I have my own house and car and my income is gonna increase even more

The woman I am getting married to has no tertiary education, lived with her parents and works at what most would consider a "starter job", and I have dated 9+/10s in the past which frankly she isn't (she's still pretty attractive to me though), but she can bring me way more value than a woman with higher education/income or better external appearance ever could.

She has a good character, is always well mannered, can take no for an answer, doesn't start drama and the menial tasks of daily life are not beneath her...I know that in many aspects I am better off alone, but starting a family with someone who doesn't meet that criteria is doomed from the beginning. We might not make it either but that's life. Of course I didn't meet her in Europe or the US though

eyewave · 2026-03-23T06:50:26+00:00

I'm not even high value but I consistently stay away from women who don't know how to drink, or who smoke.

I think lifestyle match is what makes a couple last long.

leefjk · 2026-03-23T18:31:53+00:00

I can imagine it a lot more for someone who wasn't born into wealth. The doctor or lawyer dude whose family was poor I think would be open to dating the super hot McDonald's worker.

wellendowedgoat · 2026-03-23T21:08:37+00:00

>Beautiful woman that is a waitress
>Successful, educated, average looking woman

If the man can get the first one, he rarely if ever picks the second one.

The only reason it doesn't happen as often is because you need considerable amounts of status and money to have enough leverage and get with a person that is considerably more attractive than you, and most men will not get to that level in their lives. And those who do, due to success taking a significant amount of time, will already be paired up, married with kids, and can't capitalize on it when they make it big.

But don't mistake constraint of choice for actual preference. Most very successful men, just like most men, are quite average looking, got with their wives when they were young and had no money/success, so of course their wives are average looking. What did you expect? The college's hottest girl to date some average looking dude because he had a good personality, high IQ, was hardworking and might make it very big in the future? Of course, not. He couldn't get that woman. He had to pick from a few average looking women and he picked the one that suited him the best at the time. But again, if there was no constraint of choice, she wouldn't be the one he would pick.

Give the average man 10 billion dollars and he'll dump his girlfriend and start dating young models. Smart, stupid, old, young, attractive, unattractive, rich, poor. Regardless of what a man is, men generally heavily prioritize beauty when they have the option to.

whoareyou122 · 2026-03-24T01:28:19+00:00

It's true and as a woman, I'm fine with that. I'm not a fan of men who label themselves a "high value man" anyways because that usually means they have a huge ego and think they're better. I'd rather just save the headache and not date someone like that

Snoo71180 · 2026-03-24T10:52:03+00:00

I've read dozens and dozens of definitions for what a "high value man" and "high value woman" are supposed to mean. It was no shock that the definitions vary depending on the intent & desires of the person actually writing it down. Meaning there is no consistent definition whatsoever for that term it's a subjective label. It's literally impossible to come up with a one size fits all definition because we all have our own preferences and perceptions about what "high value" means.

Until someone can provide an exact definition of high value that can be applied objectively and isn't subject to debate or modification, then this question can't be answered

Glittering-Garlic-15 · 2026-03-25T09:11:28+00:00

They do not because the dating market is eskewed in favour of women. Also high value men are not usually interested in LTR.

Enough-Radish-4973 · 2026-03-25T15:20:20+00:00

This is true when younger, but really changes around mid life. Post childbearing years is a very very different game. Marriage statistics actually support this as 20% of men remarry a woman that is 10+ yrs his junior.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-03-25T22:10:43+00:00

High value men want women that are fit, feminine and cooperative. We will find them where ever they are.

cheesecakepiebrownie · 2026-03-27T00:21:42+00:00

I wonder how many of these marriages make it to death (I'm guessing very few)

eyes-tiger · 2026-03-22T16:17:42+00:00

Value is subjective.

morepwer · 2026-03-22T21:54:37+00:00

If by high value men you mean guys who have a lot of money, then those guys get screwed over too. They get cheated on, cucked, and divorced too.

Title	High value men mostly end up with high value women
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	119
Comments	211
Date	March 22, 2026 2:19 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1s0mu05/high_value_men_mostly_end_up_with_high_value_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/high-value-men-mostly-end-up-with-high-value-women.1576142 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576142

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