Introversion as a character trait seems to make relationships difficult to find for men.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-11T16:18:18+00:00

Yeah, its probably a bigger issue than most dudes here want to admit. But being way more social and having lots of social circles and lots of friends and activities to interact with and go to, really helps finding people. Especially as you get older.

nothatyoucare · 2022-05-11T19:01:49+00:00

I think one thing that isn't discussed as much is that its harder to be social and extroverted as a man than a woman. You can read the perspective of a FTM trans person and how society got colder and less welcoming to them once the made the transition.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-05-11T16:59:37+00:00

Japan has a huge problem with that

FrostieTheSnowman · 2022-05-11T18:34:41+00:00

Not gonna lie, as an introverted man with primarily masculine interests... I'm pretty much fumbling in the dark these days. I try not to gripe about it, but as someone that tries not to blow money on foolish stuff, it seems damn-near impossible to get to know anybody that I don't already have some sort of relationship with. My main hobbies are writing (socialization is primarily online), videogames/anime (second verse same as the first), and martial arts (EXPENSIVE). I'm open to ideas, but that's just sort of where I'm at.

I've tried bars/clubs–I'm a pretty "normal" dude, so it's not super hard to chat with people, but it always feels weird to try to muscle my way into their lives by asking if they want to hang out or something. I know that's a me-problem, but it still often comes across as weird, even when I manage to make myself do it. Also, I pretty much never see young women in such scenes unless they're grouped up or partnered up, both of which make it just about impossible to do anything about it.

Seriously, I'm all ears! Genuinely, I'm just struggling to be social in general outside of my tight-knit group of friends, but I'd ultimately be pretty cool with it if it didn't make dating such an obstacle.

itzReborn · 2022-05-11T17:23:54+00:00

Man this post is basically about me. At zero socially due to transferring to a new school then covid happened. Even then people here don’t really talk to each other so sometimes I wonder if it’s just me or if everyone is like this. Of course I want to date and I plan to try OLD but man I feel like the cards already stacked against me and it’s going be hard to overcome it

zerofeetpersecond · 2022-05-11T23:50:59+00:00

Male introvert = weak, nerd, etc Female introvert = girl next door, down to earth, etc

TodoBienTodoBonito · 2022-05-11T16:15:14+00:00

You've written a lot here, so I want to make sure I'm not missing something.

Is the bulk of your point that not meeting people will make it harder to find a relationship? Of course that's true, almost by definition.

Otherwise, you seem to wonder if there are ways out... but it also seems like you know what these might be already, and just muse that these guys might not want to take those routes. Again, if that's how you're setting up the hypothetical, there's not much to be done for them.

Is there something you're trying to answer I'm not articulating or interpreting well?

wineandchillax · 2022-05-11T17:14:32+00:00

Introverted late bloomer woman. It was hell for awhile when dating when I was younger. The problem is neither introverted men or women leave the house to meet each other lol.

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2022-05-11T19:52:58+00:00

Working in a strats team at a bank that’s 100% guys ☠️. Guess I’d better get used to being single lol.

Great insight though, I agree with everything you said!

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2022-05-11T18:05:06+00:00

Introversion is just one of the many reasons why women have it easier than men

An introverted woman is cute

An introverted man is a creep

ohheyhi99 · 2022-05-11T17:13:57+00:00

Lots of people confuse introversion and being social anxiety. Omg I haven't talked to anyone in 2 months Im such an introvert UwU. No that's not introversion that's social isolation and social anxiety.

The problem you are trying to convey here is not about introversion or extroversion, but asocial public spaces. Not even outgoing extroverts go out there to talk to strangers in public spaces. Gym, universities, libraries, malls etc. are asocial. You don't go to a library to strike a conversation with a stranger.

There aren't many platforms where average men could meet women assuming the man does not have an abundance of connections, or a network. It's not like women are eager to talk to average men in the first place.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-11T16:03:55+00:00

Yes, being an introverted male is playing the game on hard. But you can recognize it and change things.

Pm_Me_Dirty_Thought · 2022-05-11T18:46:20+00:00

You are such a nerd lol, but my experience being introverted is the same as yours, I hooked up a lot during Uni, got into a couple of relationships but now that I am working full time I have 0 social and I am not meeting many girls, dating apps are also cancer so theres that and when I am not working I am either sleeping, cooking, reading or playing video games. It is kind of awesome but also kinda sucks

New_Relative_8709 · 2022-05-12T03:21:42+00:00

No shit sherlock

“Introverts meet less people”

How much time did you spend in this scientifical discovery?

throwaway316stunner · 2022-05-11T19:50:31+00:00

Personally, introversion is just the tip of the iceberg.

Being autistic and dyspraxic certainly doesn’t help matters. And being a special needs student with a personal aide from 2nd grade onwards and through college prevented me from having any semblance of a social life because no one want to be friends with “that kid.” Even being a part of a number of clubs never helped.

As for my day, you’ve sort of hit it. I’m not really that much of a nerd, I estimate commercial projects for a living. I don’t drink alcohol, smoke, or partake in any drugs. Not part of any online clans. Don’t have any other introverted hobbies either.

M_LaSalle · 2022-05-11T21:06:43+00:00

You could have a chicken and egg argument about this and it would go on basically forever. Are these guys OP describes failing with women because they are socially (self) isolated or have they gotten lost in these distractions in part because they know they are unattractive and not likely to have a lot of success?

One of the interesting things about our society is that people have no third place. I don't know who came with the concept, but the idea is that your third place is a place other than at home or at work where you can physically go and socialize with others. bars have become disfavored. We are not the drinkers our forefathers were, and mostly aren't allowed to be. (Although I give it a damn good try.) The pandemic was hard on such bars as we had and one I used to like now looks like something out of The Andromeda Strain, with shields up everywhere isolating people.

OP is not wrong, but I think OP doesn't take into account how our society has basically done all in its power to eliminate the third place from people's lives. And I honestly think that 80-20 makes going to a third place, if they have one, pointless for a lot of men, at least as it pertains to meeting women.

That said, I do agree with OP that your life outside work and home won't happen unless you make it happen, and if you fail to connect with women, that life will still be quite important to your mental health. There comes a time when we need to be around other people and not alone listening to the voices.

reforged-demon-blade · 2022-05-11T22:12:49+00:00

I'm not sure what the solution to these men's problems are or if there is one, aside from forcing yourself to stop doing the things you enjoy, to do something you won't enjoy

When I was 16 (back in the mid 2000s), a friend (whom I assume meant well but still) suggested me to hide the stuff I liked (gaming, anime, metal music, all that kind of stuff) in social media (they existed back then, just not as massive) because girls didn't like those things. So basically pretending to be someone I'm not just to get some pussy. Out of consideration I didn't tell him to fuck off, just went with the "nod and smile" thing because I'm not that kind of person. He told me that because it worked for him. If he wanted to be a two-faced liar just for some pussy that's on him.

Aside from the fact I've lost nearly all interest in women in the emotional sense - I still feel sexually attracted to them but to me it's not enough to pursue them - like you said, I've no idea of how to socialize, even to make new friends, since I moved to another city a couple years ago and my closest IRL friends (whom I've met while I was in college) moved to other countries. I've always been sort of a shut-in, only going out of the house to work (before the pandemic, now I work remotely) and hang out with said IRL friends.

morbidnihilism · 2022-05-11T19:01:02+00:00

You must be attractive. Look how easy it was for you to get hookups and relationships... damn.

Georgist_Muddlehead · 2022-05-11T17:54:48+00:00

I'm not sure what the solution to these men's problems are or if there is one, aside from forcing yourself to stop doing the things you enjoy, to do something you won't enjoy, just to be around people who might like you.

I think the trouble is that enjoyment, or the lack of enjoyment, creates a positive feedback loop. If you haven't had good experiences socially, that is likely to come across, making it more difficult to enjoy yourself, and consequently it's more difficult to be a person that others enjoy being around. So unless you can break that feedback loop, you might get little or nothing out of it.

It's not like trying to eat healthier or do more exercise. If you don't enjoy those activities, you still benefit just from doing them.

I've seen other posts about how people being asocial is one of the primary roots of the struggle men face in relationships nowadays, and I can only speak on behalf of men, it's probably true for women too.

One difference between men and women seems to be that men are more likely to watch a lot of porn, which probably compounds their difficulties.

pokemin49 · 2022-05-11T21:15:12+00:00

Solid advice. If it's not in your nature to want to socialize though, maybe it's not worth it.

PurpDragonPrime · 2022-05-12T00:34:59+00:00

This is relatable to a degree, so I’m gonna give my point of view and what I think is likely for other guys like me.

I’m in STEM and have a small friend group at the moment, but I have gone outside my comfort zone socially within the last year -mostly just through parties- and it didn’t end up being worth it (for dating, anyway, I still had a good time). The women around me rarely catch my eye and generally I have more fun either having a private party with friends or going with them to a larger one for a bit and then breaking off to continue hanging out instead of sticking around to socialize all night. Plus, if your natural tendency is to be antisocial, you probably won’t gel well in the long run with a socialite woman.

I think for men like me, the issue goes deeper than not having enough social opportunities. Even if you change that factor, a combination of old habits and the way that you view dating and interaction in general is going to shape your experience more than anything else. Broadening your social horizons doesn’t magically fix the problem, it’s a combination of luck and really wanting a connection versus acting out of FOMO or obligation. You’re gonna be more likely to succeed if you’re the one wanting to put yourself out there rather than being dragged along.

As a side note on social proof via befriending women- I don’t think having female friends has ever helped me in a dating sense. They typically don’t understand/pay attention to my taste in women, and the women in these extended friend groups aren’t a good match for me, even if (or especially if) they explicitly try to set us up. Plus some women will make certain assumptions about guys with a lot of female friends- either that you’re gay or that there’s something else going on between you and your friend. It depends a lot on the setting and people around you

RinoaRita · 2022-05-12T04:13:19+00:00

Might I suggest gaming cons, anime cons, kick evebts, larp, ren faire to nerdy folks as a scene to meet people? I met my husband recruiting players for dnd. We bonded playing even online for a few months before we met irl and he’s now got a little ma cave painting war-hammer minis and his “boys nights” is playing war hammer 40l. He was a scrawny guy that’s starting for a little sad bid now that we’re parents but he’s working on it. I definitely prefer scrawny over fat for sure.

And way I agree with your assessment but theee are definitely places where needy folks can meet irl.

No-Priority7869 · 2022-05-11T16:50:36+00:00

The long game is to starve and kill off the introverts. We’ve always been undesirable to the extroverted majority, we just have skills that make us useful to them. Can’t do overt eugenics in 2022. But you can lock us in our homes where we can’t socialize, put us to work there, give us bread and circuses shipped to our door, and wait 20-40 years and we’ll all be gone and you social butterflies can go around talking to and appreciating each other again.

yeoldname · 2022-05-11T17:08:46+00:00

I am extremely introverted. I can count the number of people I socialize or associate with on a semi-regular basis on one hand. I’ve never had a “crew”. I was always a lone wolf.

Somehow from ages 17-30 this resulted in an incredibly surprising amount of women in my life, never did I feel I was missing out - cause I always had a FWB or a date lined up or girlfriend.

Due to my personality and I suppose aesthetic (which has evolved over time), my introversion gave off an aura of mystery or uniqueness that attracted women.

My time, largely alone, was always spent pursuing my passions - whatever they were at a given time, which having gone through cycles of writing, music (mostly stringed instruments), painting, etc…over time developed into passions and talents, which further added to my mystique.

But, now that I’m single again after age 30? It’s incredibly difficult to meet women or more importantly to radiate social value. I have “hung out” with a male friend ONCE in the last 8 years outside of when I had roommates. But I’ve hung out with females - for some reason my introversion has always led to me engaging with women in any environment, so at my prior workplace I had women throwing themselves at me and had no trouble integrating myself into their social circle.

But now that I work from home I have zero social activities. Outside of family, only two people ever text me, and one of them lives in a different state. I could probably do online dating but last time I tried it proved to be a waste of time. I think what makes me a poor dating match for women at my age is that younger women mostly want fun & I’m no longer an adventurous fuck-all artist alcoholic & women my age want an established man - including socially. Since I have zero social activists I engage in, I am considered strange, and when younger this strangeness worked to my advantage, but being older it’s detrimental.

So what I’m expressing is twofold: (1) introversion doesn’t need to and shouldn’t stop you from attracting women and (2) you should take my warning and develop social circles otherwise by my age it’s basically too late. The easiest way to meet women is IN PERSON & having a wide net to cast will help greatly, not to mention NETWORKING which is basically 99% of success as an adult.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-05-11T16:22:32+00:00

Yes, when you are less social and meet less people, that tends to mean that you are less likely to form relationships. That being said, someone can be rather introverted and have quite an active social life.

The solution, literally, is to go meet more people if your socialization and relationship needs are not being met. You can still have plenty of recharge time and alone time as needed and do so.

Frankly, this reads more as "being boring/too set in your routine makes it harder to meet new people and date". Introversion doesn't necessarily need to be part of this at all.

OldSimpsonsisbetter · 2022-05-11T19:36:40+00:00

One big problem is people are wary of men. They aren't as friendly and open to men as they are to women. People start conversations with women. They don't with men. That's why you rarely ever hear of women complaining about lack of social life, even introverted women, but for men it's quite common.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-05-11T21:06:59+00:00

As someone who is extremely introverted I'd definitely agree with this. I've reaaaally had to push myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

basedconfidentsbro · 2022-05-11T21:07:23+00:00

Not really because a young and attractive guy whos introverted still have women eyeing him and some would even come and approach him and also works online if you are introverted but attractive using online dating you can weed out outgoing women and find a women whos introverted all because you are attractive enough to get constant matches and or likes on dating apps. only downside is some women will lie about being introverted just to be with an attractive guy even having "introverted only" in your bio might not work if a guy is really really attractive and introverted.

ogsimpology · 2022-05-12T04:07:52+00:00

As a dude who's introverted and genuinely has little to no social hobbies, I can confirm it would basically be impossible to find someone.

I go to work, play videi games, train boxing (alone), read, write, draw... There's no space to meet someone.

I do fencing but meh, you can't really guarantee you'll meet someone at those.

Idk how average men meet women if they're introverted

LarryLooxmax · 2022-05-13T07:51:50+00:00

interesting observations, but everything new is old:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_sink

overpopulation causes social incentives to shift... instead of wooing or traditional dating everything is just a numbers game. grind through thousands of people, find the highest value male (if female) or just shoot your shot at as many females as possible (if male)... any other behavior is inefficient. a kind of runaway greenhouse effect takes hold, women have zillions of potential mates and can afford to raise the bar high, men see the high bar and realize the only sane approach is scatter-shot... once these hyper defensive sexual strategies reach critical mass, no other approach is feasible.

its almost like a chemical reaction - once the dating market shifts into this lower energy state, there is no undoing it, and nothing else but the new standards exist.

its all just a logical extension of communities growing ever larger thanks to urbanization and virtualization/technology. of course the big picture result of all this is male introverts becoming "beautiful ones" and just getting shunted out of the dating pool... women NEVER have to approach when surrounded by so many thirsty extraverted males to approach, its strategically a bad move for her to ever do so, any time she spends doing so could be better spent swiping left or right - and meanwhile the competition among men is too intense for those whose nature is averse to such competition.

if you're looking for a solution... yeah that doesnt exist. go full NEET, numb the pain with drugs and the Matrix or become a rabid hyper-competitive sociopath with a fake grin. there is no longer a middle ground. this applies to every area of life btw, not just sex... income inequality is worsening, a few corporations run everything, political power is increasingly held by a single person... romance, generosity, respect, equality, empathy, kindness, peace and quiet - such things can only exist where social structures aren't warped and crushed by the pressure of too many humans congregating.

flamingoinghome · 2022-05-11T21:18:00+00:00

I mean, you're not wrong, but FWIW....this isn't just a "men" thing.

If you're an introverted nerdy girl who mostly hangs out with one or two other introverted nerdy girls, has some nerdy, majority-female hobbies like sewing or writing fanfic or historical reenactments or something, and has a majority-female career like working in nonprofits or elementary education, yeah, it's a lot harder to meet dudes than if you were someone who was into the party scene.

And, I'm afraid that the solution actually is

forcing yourself to stop doing the things you enjoy, to do something you won't enjoy, just to be around people who might like you

But that's no attitude to have about it! Consider "giving it a shot." Also, don't run before you can walk. Like, if you mostly go to DnD games or play video games with your friends, DO NOT just force yourself to go clubbing or to raves. Try a gig for your local hipster/folk/indie band, or improv, or a kickball rec league, or something more approachable like that. Trying to push yourself into the hardcore party scene will just leave you a wallflower, whatever your gender.

You may not believe me, but you might actually end up having fun.

catniagara · 2022-05-11T22:09:45+00:00

I’m working so hard not to be completely sarcastic right now, because you need help, and I genuinely want to help. But I also want you to understand how frustrating it is to read this as a woman in the “nerd” community who has constantly been ousted from every social group. To be clear, every social group within the nerd community. I was never once kicked out of any other hobby group. I’ve done equestrian sport, swimming, cheer, dance, etc, and ONLY the hobby groups based on gaming/comics/etc have treated me horribly, no matter how hard I tried. And they STILL blame me for their horrible behaviour.

I’m having trouble understanding where you’re coming from. Because like…

Within the STEM and gaming industries women face a lot of harassment and discrimination. My first love was tech but I was terrified to work in it. I don’t understand deliberately driving women out of a workplace

…or a hobby like what happened with gamergate and what is still going on with comicsgate

Basically you can’t just kick people out and complain that they aren’t there.

I also find that the nerd community isn’t really complaining about having a lack of girls, just that they don’t get “hot girls”… but I find that extremely confusing. Because when I meet guys at the beach, I’m hot. At the club, I’m gorgeous. But in the nerd community? Im never enough. My boobs are too small, I’m too “fat”, I’m not 0% body fat. Every girl struggles with this. The sad ones starve themselves half to death or get TONS of surgery just to be barely accepted, and only as sex objects selling photos at cons.

I struggle to understand what a healthy relationship with most of the men I’ve met would even look like. I’ve had some acquaintances get married and their entire relationships were based on being miserable and hating “the beautiful people who are out there having fun” together. Being a woman in a relationship with them meant living with a guy who would constantly compare you to fake, made up bodies. A guy who will stay up until 4am because his guild is running a dungeon, but won’t get up in the morning to drive you to labour and delivery. A guy who can remember every blemish on your body but he can’t remember how to shower. He won’t go to the gym with you, but he’ll judge you for not going. And if you think about breaking up he has to constantly remind you of how introverted he is and how lonely he would be without you…despite never making you a priority in the first place.

In my opinion as an outsider (aka a woman) this is a community that wants to be isolated and enjoys its own isolation. I feel like American Pie Beta House is the only piece of media to get it right. The “regular guys” accepted every woman no matter what her body type, her quirks, her issues. They even saw some of the things their girlfriends were super embarrassed about as actual benefits!

The “nerd” guys called their skinny girlfriends fat, called beautiful girls ugly, and made everything about themselves and what they wanted with no consideration for these women as human beings.

By nature, I’m a nerd. I love comic books and video games and the actually nerdy stuff far down the well like MTG, tabletop gaming, Image comics, vintage toys and LPs. But I hate going to the comic shop. I hate trying to join D&D groups. I don’t join wow guilds anymore.

The last time I joined an anime group, I was really happy to find people with my interests. The group members in my area were 4 guys. At the in person meet-up one of them kept repeating his age as if I was hitting on him (his age was obvious in the first place and I was not hitting on him). Another one started talking about how many guys are stuck being single in the nerd community and how hard it is to get laid or whatever. I said there’s nothing wrong with being single and told him about the issues I’d been having where guys in this specific community didn’t seem interested. He said “some girls get so desperate they end up paying for it”.

I could have gone to the club that night and picked up 8 guys for a bukkake (not that I want to but I’m just saying, I very much can meet people) but instead I was sitting at a sushi place watching some underweight dude with bad skin and no muscle tone tell me he thinks I’m so ugly I can’t get laid without paying for it?!?

It was pretty clear they didn’t want me there, so I left. Most genuine girls in the nerd community (not the ones who are just there to promote their OnlyFans) have had similar experiences when they genuinely tried to date men with similar interests.

And I’m the rare extrovert. Most of them are just as introverted, just as happy to stay home instead of going out, and just as lonely. But they look like you, they act like you, and for some reason that seems to upset you. Even though you also don’t want someone like me who has the self esteem to walk away.

Even the women in the groups I’ve joined were awful. They were constantly “cutting people out of their lives” for imagined crimes, while keeping toxic people around just because they agreed with them. They would grill others constantly just looking for a reason to hate them, and hanging out with them felt like being under constant scrutiny. There was definitely this constant feeling that they hated themselves and if you hung out with them, there must be something wrong with you. So much projecting and so much over-analyzing and so much drama when I just wanted to have fun!

Sometimes you have to work on the way you view and treat others before you think about a relationship.

TL;DR All I’m saying is you can’t blame girls for not showing up when you write NO GIRLS in massive letters on the clubhouse door, and post guards at 10 and 2 in case any girls get in.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-05-11T22:16:57+00:00

Wake up.

Go to work, with all male nerds because you are a STEMboi or a plumber or something.

Go home from work.

Get drunk / high by yourself and play 8 hours of Magic the Gathering and some video games with your online clan and have a good ol' epic fucking introverted time.

Maybe hang out with your 1-3 introverted gamer buddies IRL who don't know any girls either.

Do some other introverted hobby like write your fantasy space epic adventure novel.

TV YouTube Twitch binge / Sleep.

Repeat.

What a horrid life. I'd hate it.

How about

Wake up
Go to work
Go home from work and invite your male and female friends to the pool or hot tub, have a few brewskis and play some card games
Go to a bar and watch the game, make a few new friends of either gender while you're there
On Saturdays and Fridays hit up the night club and find some cute girls to talk to
Go golfing/Go to mma class/Go play rec league basketball, or just go to the gym to keep your fitness up
Invite a friend over to watch TV TOGETHER instead of sitting alone in your bed watching YouTube
Go to bed and repeat

If I didn't have human interaction every single day I'd literally kms. And that's not an exaggeration when I got covid in Dec 2020 and had to quarantine it was the first time in my life I thought I had depression

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-05-11T17:34:55+00:00

What makes you think all introverted men want relationships? Maybe some find their passions in other things in life i.e. work, travel and hobbies and interests. I count myself among that number. Life doesn't evolve around women, love and relationships. There's a lot more to life than that. The modern dating scene is absolutely fucked for most men. It's not worth the time and effort. I would rather use my precious time doing something I love than chasing unicorns!

sarkington · 2022-05-11T16:06:47+00:00

You think meek shut in women don’t have less success than extroverted party girls?

OscarSmiled · 2022-05-11T18:15:41+00:00

What’s wrong with introversion?

It’s only a problem if you want to chase women (for some reason).

I bounce between intro and extro depending on mood. Of course extro and being the life of the party brings more social attention and more women, which is only good if that’s your singular goal.

Before vidya and Netflix, you read books.

Be happy in doing whatever you want alone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. You don’t have to be around tons of people all the time. That just screams mental illness if you can’t be alone with your thoughts (not thots).

These days I prefer intro. Less work. And I’d rather just people watch now.

2022-05-11T19:48:34+00:00

After they pass the filter for physical attractiveness? Sure, maybe.

wtknight · 2022-05-11T17:29:22+00:00

The prevalence of online media make it easy for men to meet women online if they know how to do it properly and decide to put the work in. There really isn’t an excuse these days for even an introverted guy to be single if he doesn’t want to be.

Now back before the late 90s it was a different story, but back then then there weren’t as many activities that one could do at home alone that would make someone happy, and even introverts made an effort to try to get out and have a social life.

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PurpDragonPrime · 2022-05-11T19:48:34+00:00

After they pass the filter for physical attractiveness? Sure, maybe, but you're kind of missing the point.

cholmanattom · 2022-05-12T01:00:51+00:00

Well, Im one of those introverts you mention. I can not stomach faking to be a cool sporty dude all hail by surrounding people. And I share no common interest with normies. Personally I am fine with no date tho, not many humans have anything to do with me LOL

purplish_possum · 2022-05-12T02:27:25+00:00

I'm an introvert but my n-count is approaching 60. When I was young I could go all week without ever talking to anyone at university. However, I always went out on the weekend. Drunk women who thought I was attractive made themselves available.

The key is to drink in public.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-05-12T03:50:38+00:00

I feel like the same is true with women though.

Work Go home Watch TV Sleep

Snowbattt · 2022-05-12T10:20:43+00:00

You know, some introverts do these "introvert" things because they simply enjoy it.

And most introverts are not social outcasts but also enjoy social interaction.

MarkMew · 2022-05-12T15:03:11+00:00

Grass is green, sky is blue, water is wet.

Protectdabreadwinner · 2022-05-12T15:43:13+00:00

Why does everyone think that every dude out there wants to find a relationship? I know it might be hard to believe for you, but some men are content with being alone. I think sometimes extroverts project their own fear of loneliness onto other people a lot of the time.

kerfufflewhoople · 2022-05-12T16:57:49+00:00

(Very) introverted woman here. To be honest, I don’t think this concerns men more than women. From what you just described, you have a fuller social life than I do, and way more romantic partners. As a quiet, shy woman, it’s insanely difficult to connect with other women. Being on the spectrum doesn’t help either. I really wish I had female friends, but every time I try to approach them, I feel judged. I have been talked about behind my back, called weird, creepy, cringe and all kinds of things of the sort for being a bit alternative (into metal, films and stuff like true crime). I find it easier to connect with men, especially if they’re also into alternative stuff or are nerdy or shy like myself. The problem with men is that I never know if their interest in me is friendly or if they’re just trying to work up to something sexual or romantic, which I’m not interested in. As for spontaneous encounters and stuff, no, on a normal day no one speaks to me, men or woman, besides chitchat at work. I’m not ugly nor overweight nor do I act inappropriate or cringe, but if I wanted a partner I’d have to work my ass off to get people to take an interest in me. I’ve been in a LTR for 10 years now, with a man who’s also introverted and nerdy. He says physically I’m a 7, and that I dress well and act nice, but also that introversion, social anxiety and being in the spectrum are a power combo that do nothing to help me establish and maintain warm relationships and friendships. People get the vibe that I don’t like them and don’t want to be around them, which sometimes is the opposite from the truth.

daddysgotanew · 2022-05-12T23:25:02+00:00

Lol. OP has had sex with 5 women and is in here trying to call people out.

OP, I’ve had 7 times as many partners as you and I’m the guy you described in your narrative, minus the magic the gathering, fantasy novels and weird nerd shit. More like drink some beers and clean some guns while watching Netflix. I’d take being an introvert any day over some tryhard wannabe that literally cant sit by himself with his own thoughts. Being an introvert has gotten me a completely drama free life at 30. The only difference in my responsibilities at my age versus the average 12 year old is that I exchanged school for work and a rent payment. But I have a lot of play money leftover too. It’s glorious.

Want2Grow27 · 2022-05-13T06:39:23+00:00

This is a really good post. Thanks OP

Comprehensive_Bed314 · 2022-05-13T11:21:25+00:00

I think introversion is great

2022-05-17T05:17:16+00:00

There is a difference between being introverted and being isolating. I'm an introvert, but I make sure I don't isolate myself. Going out means I'm going to drain that introvert battery and going out several times in a week means I'm going to have to spend some serious alone time, but if I don't want to isolate myself (I don't), then I have to make the effort to go out. I met my current girlfriend going on a date with another lady who brought her along as a friend. We clicked and went from being random acquaintances to immediate best friends to seeing each other every week to moving in together. My boyfriend I met when he went on a date with my girlfriend and she brought me along because she wanted an excuse to dip if need be. That being said, my job is 100% remote so I don't have to leave my house if I don't want to. I wanted to so I did.

srfm24 · 2022-05-29T22:09:33+00:00

WOOOW This makes a lot of sense!

ReklessS0ul · 2022-05-11T16:53:36+00:00

I mean, being less social leads to less results. 🤷‍♂️

AccordingSky7840 · 2022-05-11T17:34:22+00:00

Men: let's harass women in online games, gatekeep hobbies, bully them from STEM fileds, hate on career-oriented women, mock female artists, ect, ect

Also men: where can a find a partner?

Ladywhofishes · 2022-05-11T18:28:51+00:00

Get away from gaming and other indoor hobbies. Stop hanging out with nerds. Grow up into a more fully fledged adult who hangs out at adult places and does more active, adult hobbies. Women view introverted guys as children.

Title	Introversion as a character trait seems to make relationships difficult to find for men.
Author	PurpDragonPrime
Upvotes	184
Comments	288
Date	May 11, 2022 4:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/und640/introversion_as_a_character_trait_seems_to_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/introversion-as-a-character-trait-seems-to-make.1114631 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114631

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