Callousness and cruelty

Mark_Freed · 2022-01-19T16:54:40+00:00

A girl I am close to was talking to other guys without having properly breaking up with her boyfriend. I told her to tell him.

She tried to act like he knew… they kept having fights and it was normal for her to “install dating apps”. He didn’t know she was using it, talking to guys when they were in the middle of this fight.

She finally told him explicitly and he was heartbroken, he didn’t know this latest fight was this serious. I thought it was for the better since they had been fighting on and off for months now and the relationship seemed dead anyway.

The guy took months to recover but now he is doing well. He still thanks me for making sure I heard the truth, if I had not intervened she might have “cheated” on him and he might be way more hurt. I never thought she was this kind of person, but the way I understood it, she wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, she thought that he knew since she told him the apps were installed in passing, it just sounded like a lot of hamstering…. She didn’t want to let him go until someone else was in the bag.

She was so attractive and didn’t need to do that. It was a 7 year relationship.

Not sure if it’s cruel but that’s one example off the top of my head.

There is this guy who had trouble sleeping for a year and a half, needed therapy after she broke up with him. I don’t think she exploited him. But we all studied together in college and she started experiencing greater career success than him, met more competent guys and genuinely fell out of love with him. He struggled a lot trying to catch up to her and kept failing. It was sad to watch… a few weeks back after 3 years or so he is finally back in the dating market but that relationship definitely left a mark on him. He really thought she was the one. The girl is also a good friend of mine and she told me how he didn’t grow with her. I could see where she was coming from too, it was overall sad to see and it’s one more breakup which had a bad fallout.

I’ve seem amicable breakups with them staying friends afterwords. Mostly one person has lingering feelings. But they handle it maturely. I think with time and age you get better at it. The problem is if you form relationships without boundaries. With casual dating, before marriage you need to be careful to what extent you merge and become us.

SirTruffleberry · 2022-01-19T16:16:20+00:00

Men do not handle divorce and infidelity as well as women do in all the literature.

In fact, the data showed that, compared to divorced women, divorced men were nine times more likely to die by suicide. Put another way, for every one divorced woman who dies by suicide, there are nine divorced men who do so.” Kposowa, 2003.

This effect far surpasses men's greater efficacy with suicide.

On a personal level, I invested in one relationship in my twenties, and I ended up losing big time on it. It amounted to about seven years and working her through a doctoral program. I think good people of both sexes get taken for a ride if they happen to get paired up with the wrong person early on. "Exploited them rather ruthlessly" sure rings a bell.

wtknight · 2022-01-19T15:56:59+00:00

Sure. I experienced something like that with my first marriage. It took me a long time to eventually date again, but eventually I did. There are good, compatible people out there of both genders and I often wish that I had not dwelt so much on my past bad experience with one person. I ended up “wasting” many years of my life because of that.

lissssa-13 · 2022-01-19T16:09:25+00:00

My marriage ended with me on the supposedly womens side of that quote. Reflecting back on the financial, emotional and sexual manipulation that occurred throughout that relationship still hurts and still has effects on me even today when I’ve really and truly moved on.

He was by all outside definitions a kind, good person with a good career and education from a nice family to everyone who met him, but the relationship with me was a whole other story. The cheating is the least of it, to be honest. I was over that almost immediately.

I don’t care what has happened to him since. I imagine he’s blaming me or some other women for the things he blamed me for when we were together

NarniaFox · 2022-01-19T16:34:10+00:00

One of my friends divorced her husband, because he developed gambling addiction, refused to acknowledge and work on it while their kid got sick and required somewhat pricey treatment and lots of attention. She said she couldn't pull both and she prioritized the kid, not the man.

The dude got significantly worse. He lost the access to her income and got into deeper debt. He couldn't keep his work due to worsening of his condition. In the process of trying to separate from him, she had to tell his parents and their friends what the hell was going on, as he told them a completely different story and they came to her trying to make her "see the sense", so he lost his parents and friends' support as well.

I think in some way she was hoping that he'd at least try to work on his problem when he saw that she was serious about leaving him. He doubled on it instead. I doubt she'd have done things differently even if she'd known the outcome, as she had to cut him off to concentrate on their kid.

Effective-Walrus1157 · 2022-01-20T04:45:23+00:00

How do we know her accusations of abusiveness were false?

I went on 2 dates with a guy my freshman year of college. Our second date, he blew his nose at the table, and didn't get all of it.

I was young, inexperienced in dating, & awkward. I didn't know what to say. He walked me home, kissed me, & said he was excited for our third date cuz it was Valentine's Day.

I ghosted him after that. Am I proud? No. Was I 18 & new to dating? Yes.

My senior year, I walked into a frat party & found out he was the President of that frat and hated women because of me. He would fuck girls and not talk to them to get back at women.

I've been ghosted too. I never used that as an excuse to be cruel to men. The main thing I learned from that experience was some people will use one minor bad experience to be complete assholes.

I will never buy his behavior was commensurate with his experience, and I'm not sorry.

My ex was so abusive it's insane. He insisted we move into a property his parents owned that I was worried wouldn't work because I worked a night job, he was a teacher, and the walls didn't go up the ceilings.

He proceeded to not allow me to have lights on, eat, drink water (I wish I were kidding, he lost his shit when the faucet woke him), be on my laptop, or basically exist past 9pm. It was of course just fine when he woke me getting ready at 5:45am.

I'm still not mean to men because of him.

quantisegravity_duh · 2022-01-19T16:19:55+00:00

I am a man,

Worst moment of my life to this day is when I found out my girlfriend of 8 years cheated on me multiple times with her boss, who i was on edge about and asked her calmly if something was going on with him. I have severe trust issues now.

midwestufohunter · 2022-01-19T18:50:43+00:00

How do you know the abuse claim was false?

juicyjuicery · 2022-01-19T18:26:27+00:00

I’m sorry but I don’t even know the point of this. The fact that so many men get depressed from women is because society actively discourages other healthy bonds and friendships as “gay” and effectively “others” women to only be sexual/romantic conquests. Therefore men everywhere get the message that their gf should be their sex partner, maid, therapist, etc. all in one… so, yes, when that relationship ends I can see how the total lack of other genuine support would drive men into “depression”. But no, I disagree with it being any more callous or cruel than men dumping or rejecting women

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-01-19T19:55:55+00:00

Women put up with a lot of shit their husband does. It's not the same for men. Most divorces are initiated by women cause simply they are done with all the effort they put into that relationship. I'm from the middle east and most of the time divorce happens because the man cheats. They get to have everything they wanted, a clean house, homemade food, SO that raises kids and also workes part time. Men initiate divorce when wife is sick and cannot provide sex anymore. After divorce, these men will have the most pathetic life and their wife's are ALWAYS happier. Do I feel any empathy for these kind of men? Absolutely NO.

divinedeviancy · 2022-01-19T18:49:20+00:00

In freshman year of high school I agreed to go out with a guy because I wanted to have a boyfriend and he was a pretty good friend and really nice to me. I had no feelings for him whatsoever. I ended up dumping him about a month later because I had developed feeling for someone else. He was absolutely crushed. I felt so bad for doing that to him. In hindsight I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with him in the first place for such a stupid reason. It would’ve probably hurt him less to be rejected up front then to go through a whole month long relationship. I hope he’s doing ok.

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-01-19T15:18:31+00:00

I have only broken up with a guy once. I was not callous or cruel about it, but I was firm. For the next several weeks he left me hysterical voicemails every night threatening to kill himself, stalked me, and at one point snuck into my backyard and tried to poison my cat. So, yeah, I was kind of forced to "reflect" on what happened to him after the breakup because he made it my business by doing those things. All of which he did despite the fact that he was already dating the girl he (unbeknownst to me at the time) had cheated on me with.

I am sure from his perspective I was "cruel and callous," and I know for a fact that he framed it that way to people in our shared social circle -- that I was the heartless bitch who left him in his time of need when he was nothing short of an outstanding boyfriend to me. Needless to say my perspective is different. Some people believed him, some people believed me. But only the two of us know what actually happened and even then our perspectives are colored by our subjective interpretation of the experience.

I am not sure what good comes from dwelling and "reflecting" on the other party's experience after the breakup. People shouldn't be intentionally cruel, but past that, their emotional response to those events is theirs to deal with. I tried to break up with my ex four or five times before one finally stuck, and it's precisely because I was focusing too much on his feelings to do what I needed to do for myself.

Breakups suck, their aftermaths suck. I have been devastated after a breakup too but I had the decency to leave the guy alone and not make my post-breakup emotions his problem.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-01-19T17:39:15+00:00

Women rarely just cruelly dump a guy for no reason. It seems that way when you don’t pay attention and don’t really respect your partner. A lot of times the girlfriend/wife has been talking about what is wrong for months or years, but the guy just goes “heh women, always nagging, blah blah blah” and then it’s “whattt I cant believe she just left me I never saw this coming women are so mean!” Of course that’s not always the case, but seems to be a common pattern.

Aclopolipse · 2022-01-19T14:57:04+00:00

Years ago, I broke up with a man who was definitely at a mental/emotional low point. He was leaning on me a lot at that time, but was also taking out his negative feelings on myself and others in his life in ways I felt were unacceptable, so I ended it.

After the breakup, he was so distraught that 4 of our mutual friends spent 3 days with him basically on a pseudo suicide watch.

At one point, I felt bad about it. Then I realized that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings like that and went on with my life. He also later accused me of rape and various other crimes to get me fired, so he lost some sympathy points there, too.

lingualistic · 2022-01-19T23:02:21+00:00

I've noticed personally that if a man in his 30s had a long term, utmost serious relationship-- ESPECIALLY if he proposed and/or was married-- if he feels that he was seriously wronged by his chosen partner (which may be objectively correct, or alternatively it could be one of those situations where she's telling him her needs repeatedly for years and eventually just up and leaves after long enough of nothing changing)-- they seem to have sustained a serious amount of emotional damage. Men I've met and/or went on dates with in that scenario are profoundly emotionally unavailable. I feel like once they have decided someone is "the one" and given everything they have to that relationship (and usually it's a lot-- these weren't total turds I was on dates with-- so even though they obviously made mistakes like anyone they did put a shit ton of effort into it, were completely loyal, etc) and it shits the bed they are just incapable of connecting on that level with another woman. It's funny bc men on here talk about women's ability to pair bond decreasing based on sexual activity. Unless a woman is Peak Promiscuous I don't think that's really true at all. But from my observations RELATIONSHIPS destroy a man's ability to pair bond, while women can bounce back from a failed relationship like "welp. that wasn't a good fit. I know what I need from a partner in the future though, this was a learning experience."

Of these aforementioned men (friends and men I've dated) many of them were also were financially abused btw. I dated a man for 2 years who basically put his ex through a 5 year grad program paying her tuition, she lived for free in his house, etc-- and she cheated and bailed. I think there were a million red flags-- she's known to be a bitch and a user and a bit of a narcissist-- but regardless, he got completely used by her financially. I dated another man for a very short period of time who had a similar story.

I put myself through school and chose a grad program where they paid ME. I do not expect to live for free fuckin anywhere-- an adult pays rent. I do like to be taken out for dinner dates by a partner, but beyond that I don't expect flowers and gifts all the damn time or anything like that. I make my own good salary and also purchase gifts, take my man out for dinner for his bday etc, buy and cook meals constantly, etc so I am also contributing financially, emotionally/time wise. Therefore when I've met or dated these men who are so scared by their exes, who they literally paid tuition for lol, that they're basically suspicious of all women being gold diggers-- I just leave the relationship.

The 2 year relationship, he tried really hard to get me back in the months and years following the relationship, which I would never consider. I think he really realized how much he let his damage affect how he treated me, an entirely different woman, who lived in her own place, had her own car, paid her own bills. It's very similar to what men say when they're like "you had so much sex with your ex and won't bang me except duty sex every second tuesday" It's like "you were a total financial bitch for your ex, WHICH I DON'T EVEN WANT BC I ACTUALLY AM INDEPENDENT AND NOT A GD MOOCH, and I can't even expect flowers and dinner on Valentine's day because you're so triggered by the concept of treating a woman?? Get the fuck outta here."

Basically I hope he learned enough to not punish his next partner for his ex's crimes, because nobody of quality and self respect is going to take subpar treatment, especially if they know they bend over backwards/killed themselves treating some other woman, not to mention an awful woman, like a wife. We rightfully assume that we are considered to be "here for a good time not a long time" while the man used up his wife-intentions on someone who sucked.

AquaChip · 2022-01-19T14:58:15+00:00

I have never broken up with a man for no reason. There was always a good reason. If he didn’t want the break up he should have fixed the things I kept telling him to fix.

On the majority of occasions women tell men exactly what’s wrong in the relationship and exactly how to fix it. Then men want to play the victim when she’s finally had enough.

LetsDelveIntoIt1 · 2022-01-19T14:54:41+00:00

I’ve had my heart broken (without callousness or cruelty though) and took a good 2 years to heal, but heal I did. I’ve also broken up with guys. In each of those situations the respective people, including myself, felt the hurt deeply and took the time to fully recover. But eventually we got back up, dusted ourselves, and resumed with leading a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Rejection and pain are very much inevitable parts of life. If someone is not strong enough to deal with those aspects healthily, that’s on them. That’s why AQ and EQ are together more important than IQ.

justicejuiceidol · 2022-01-19T16:47:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

thelastjeka · 2022-01-19T18:28:22+00:00

I make it my absolute life goal to never fuck over anyone I date. Unfortunately they didn’t get the memo and I’ve been the one shredded to pieces at times, but you learn and move on (with a lot of patience). My trust in people was never the same after, so I understand him, but it should be noted that it happens often and for both genders.

gopher_glitz · 2022-01-19T19:02:22+00:00

You hear a lot about 'fuck bois' and how it's this massive problem but the majority of males in general aren't having casual sex if they're even having sex at all.

You're either a loser who can't get any or a guy who women want but don't want to give them everything making you a piece of shit too.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-01-19T21:14:04+00:00

All my break ups were mutual. And mostly it was due to different life goals and moving away from each other.

And everyone ended up fine in the end. Break ups hurt. But we learn and we grow.

oldcamembert · 2022-01-19T23:29:10+00:00

I had one break-up where I really, really regret my behaviour. I was quite young (under 20) and inexperienced but that's still quite a lame excuse, as it was a reasonably long term relationship for that age. Did what is now known as ghosting, before it was cool, purely out of cowardice, could not face "the talk".

He still sends me blue valentines sometimes and I quite deservedly feel like a piece of shit every time.

BedRottle · 2022-01-19T17:39:59+00:00

I’ve watched women discard me without a glance backward for another man and I’ve watched them do it to other men for me.

They’re not the romantic gender. I’ve met kinder reptiles.

If you want the definition of heartless watch a woman who has found someone she wants more than the person she’s with. Lesbians will do it to women too but the fireworks are greater.

troy-X · 2022-01-19T15:33:59+00:00

My first breakup left me suicidal and wrathful yeah. I had no idea what SMV or intersexual dynamics were at the time, so learning that my high-school sweetheart was choking on Chad's dick a mere few days after ending our 7-year relationship sobered me up from my Disney paradigm real fast. But in hindsight, I really had it coming. I had gotten fat, stopped courting her, I was just wallowing in my own misery... There's nothing attractive about that.

So if you're a heartbroken man, instead of lying down and rot, just ask yourself what you could have done better. And do just that, because the breakup didn't come out of nowhere. There's a high opportunity cost to leaving your long-term partner, regardless of gender. Assess your faults, and fix'em. Not only do you increase your chances of actually keeping the next one (when you feel ready to love again), but you'll also feel good in the meantime, because there's so much work to do. Growth is the only band-aid to mend what she broke inside of you.

KirthWGersen · 2022-01-19T16:28:53+00:00

Sadly, people often become acclimated to abuse like a frog boiling in a pot. If they ever do come to realise what is going on, the sunk cost fallacy kicks in and they decide to put up with it longer after they should have got out.

Seemingly innocuous behaviour like insisting you cut off contact with exes/opposite sex friends; spending lots of time together; and being jealous of the other's time can be the prelude to abusive co-dependency.

Often it is not due to malicious forethought on the perpetrator's part, but is a symptom of a mental disorder (of which the extraordinarily good times are similarly a symptom).

This makes the consequences no less harmful but the ability to share experiences through the internet has thankfully made people much more aware of what to look out for.

The key is to remember that you must prioritise your own wellbeing: many people other than your romantic partner (friends, family, colleagues, etc.) are enriched by your life. It is selfish to put too much into one relationship at the expense of others.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-01-19T17:19:45+00:00

The main thing I see in your post is that men have no support network. Especially if you are a young man with no experience dealing with intense negative emotions. You're going to just stew in it unproductively until the feelings wear off over a long period of time. Then you'll be sadder but wiser, but those feelings will always be there just below the surface. Same happens with women, but we accept women crying and having negative emotions and processing and exploring their feelings, where we don't indulge men in showing signs of weakness or even self reflection.

The other thing that comes to mind: women sometimes make the man a villain when they want to break up with him. Men are more likely to take responsibility for their loutish behavior or for desiring a break up. It's by no means written in stone though: obviously both men and women can be abusive.

I agree with others that a woman isn't responsible for a man's emotional state. If she wants to break up the best thing she can do for the guy is be honest.

philomexa · 2022-01-19T14:51:54+00:00

do you ever reflect on what happens to men after your break ups?

No, why would I do that? Unless there are children involved, an ex is an ex is an ex. There is a reason they're not in my life anymore; keeping tabs is just entertaining old ghosts and wasting everyone's time.

Also, being deemed a 'heartless sexual predator' does not negate the risk of heartbreak. These are not mutually exclusive terms.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-01-20T01:07:42+00:00

Oh those miscarriages are sooooo hard on men.

So now this guy hates women for something that happened to his ex-girlfriend that was beyond her control and was much worse for her? Totally illogical.

She was the one who had the miscarriage, she was the one who was bleeding and in pain. She’s the one whose going to feel like a defective woman, who has to go to the hospital.

I would be livid if my ex used MY stillbirth as an excuse for depression and hatred of women. I was the one who nearly died. I was the one who popped a dead baby from my vagina. I was the one who pressed the ON button on the furnace when she was cremated.

The problem with your guy here is main character syndrome.

pussandra · 2022-01-19T19:47:26+00:00

Men are just prone to a lack of emotional intelligence, depression, gambling addiction, drug addiction, cheating, sexual predation. Things that are not only unattractive, but also life ruinous. It makes total sense that women initiate more divorces.

modidlee · 2022-01-19T14:54:06+00:00

Breakups are always harder on average men than average women. The problem is women seem to think of “men” as the guys they like to date. That guy they wouldn’t date is practically invisible to them. But he’s most guys. He’s the guy who gets one girl and tries to do any and everything he can to make her happy and she still leaves him. But the average woman can get dumped today and have another guy in her inbox trying to cheer her up tomorrow. In fact, he was probably there the whole time she was with her boyfriend.

Mark_Freed · 2022-01-19T15:24:53+00:00

It's hard to put into words how cruel women can be. Most women who behave in such a manner aren't even self-aware enough to see it too. But that's just female nature, they were made that way. This is why Game is for life, and having an abundance mentality all the time is crucial.

sarkington · 2022-01-19T17:36:11+00:00

Men have used me and many of my friends for sex and didn’t tell us

I don’t have a problem with it, except when other men claim it doesn’t happen or that women have no reason to react to such

just_a_place · 2022-01-19T18:07:32+00:00

I have been used by women but not ruthlessly. Each new time it happens it's a lesson learned though.

Skadi793 · 2022-01-20T00:45:32+00:00

If you have never been heartbroken, you never reached maturity. Sounds crazy, but totally true. You grow up when you have taken risks, tried to achieve things, and have suffered both success and disappointment. In relationships, if you didn't find some commitment, took a stand, made an investment, etc., you were being an immature tourist or a player.

Even James Bond got married bros --and we saw how that worked out.

But being crushed by heartbreak, to the point where you are "forever changed", like Harvy Dent turning into Two-Face? That is just emotional fragility, or looking for a reason to hate the world. Lack of self-esteem, etc.

You have a stiff drink, listen to a few songs, and move on.

croatoan34 · 2022-01-19T17:04:38+00:00

Nah I don't care much. Woman come and go, and they aren't worth getting hurt over. People are people and getting attached to one is just dumb.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-19T17:12:20+00:00

I have not ended the majority of my relationships. The one time I did break up with a long-term boyfriend, he had punched me in the stomach in public a year after a choking incident.

In my experience (and also my boyfriend's observation as well from looking at the people he knows/his family), if a woman leaves a man, there's a very good reason/he had it coming for a long time.

Whereas the reverse is not always the case.

It's also why men are more likely to have remorse after a breakup than women are.

ExtremeNihilism · 2022-01-19T16:21:29+00:00

Getting ready to marry a girl and catch her with another cock. I haven't had a stable relationship in 10 years since..

cowfishAreReal · 2022-01-19T14:43:02+00:00

I never saw any reasonable human being claiming that men are heartless or even supposed to he heartless. The only people I have seen do that are mostly sexist men fetishizing being stoic and "macho". As of rejection and break ups, that's part of life, and staying with someone out of pity of what would happen to them if you broke up is probably much worse. The fact that your friend refuses to go to therapy is mostly a problem with society telling men to be strong instead of asking for help, and not the fault of the woman who broke up with him. As for myself, I never broke up with anyone nor have I ever been broken up with.

Emberily123 · 2022-01-19T18:52:31+00:00

A relationship I had with a guy was awful and I broke it off. When I tried to break up with him he made me feel guilty and when I said I didn’t know if I loved him he told me he loved me too. I was 15, he was 23.

logiauser · 2022-01-19T15:33:21+00:00

betrayal by a young woman in whom they had invested a great deal and who had, as the relationship developed, exploited them rather ruthlessly.

It's quite interesting to me that the responses are missing this part of the quote.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-19T17:41:37+00:00

I’ve never broken up with anyone or been broken up with, but I did have an old friend that had a thing for me and every time I turned him down he’d threaten to kill himself or just barely cut himself with scissors and send it to me. Pathetic really.

1Here4Bach · 2022-01-19T15:09:09+00:00

If a woman truly loves you (which is the case in most LTRs) then it takes ALOOTTTT for her to break up with you. Like ALOT….over a long period of time. So no I don’t feel sorry for men who get broken up with because I know, in the majority of cases, she put up with a lot of bullshit until she couldn’t anymore.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-01-19T16:17:37+00:00

I’ve never experienced anything close to heartbreak. I don’t understand how a woman can get so tied to your self worth and happiness that her leaving makes you miserable. I literally cannot comprehend it.

I used to beg to be cheated on so that I could have an excuse to dump my exes before I got bored of them and cheated (too bad I cheated on them anyways).

Yes I’ve treated women this way and broke their heart but who cares women have so many options and can move on so quick that even if you initiate the break up you’ll want to have back up options since it takes them NO TIME to hop on a new dick. I mean they do that shit do quick.

Dating is about having the leverage. Women inherently have more sexual leverage than men and they use it to their advantage all the time. Only way for men to level the playing field is to cheat or cultivate their back up options so they can move on without missing a beat.

MalePsychopath · 2022-01-19T15:20:41+00:00

Men, are there any of you that have never experienced anything like the quote above?

Callousness and cruelty are not a gendered thing. I’ve seen men and women do horrible things to the people they claimed to love. A lot of it in my own family.

Also, do you think you've ever treated a woman in this way? If so, why?

No, I’ve never done that and that was a conscious decision. As a result of my childhood, my personality is pretty cold and callous. I’ve also got much less empathy than the average person.
I experienced cruelty myself and saw it happen to the people around me and how it affected them. That’s why I decided to never be this way and I am very serious about that.

I am not warm or affectionate but I am honest and treat people fairly. They appreciate that.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-19T19:04:40+00:00

When dating, about 30% of women will treat men like shit.

It's not discussed much, but it's an important ratio for guys to remember.

Women know it, because the easiest way to pick up on this is watch how her friends behave, e.g. a friend will ask her: "everything is going okay this time?" or something similar.

everythingelseisfull · 2022-01-19T22:47:18+00:00

It's easier to divorce if you are confident you will keep the kids. If more men had majority custody the data might change.

TakeTheVaccine · 2022-01-19T16:50:35+00:00

Considering that women have what I like to call “follower mentaities” — if a guy isn’t suited for them to lead and chase after they are no longer a sufficient leader for them. Hence why they like leadership qualities in men such as confidence. It’s also why they wait at the finish line for you instead of helping you. Follower mentalities. They follow what they like to see, ultimately making me not take them seriously when dating in the end. Because if they win me, what’s there for them to follow me for lmao? Even billionaires wives broke up with them cause they thought they had everything. No. Men need to keep chasing excellence and the herd will follow.

Authority and utter dominance is key and they’ll respect you. Authority and dominance, Not being rude and apathetic.

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rosesonthefloor · 2022-01-19T18:02:56+00:00

I do tend to reflect on each relationship as it ends. What could I have done better? What were the signs that this wasn’t a good fit, or could I have tried harder to make it work?

Often, the answer to the last question is that ultimately were I to continue in that relationship, I would have been unhappy. And that means that I couldn’t have been as good a partner to that person as they deserved. Each breakup I tried to initiate as gently as possible, and more than one guy has thanked me for how I approached it, which I always thought was weird. But maybe it’s because some people are more callous and cruel when it comes to breakups? Hurt people hurt people sort of thing.

One breakup I still regret how it went down, and I know I did deeply hurt him in the aftermath. I could have handled it better for sure. But I think he’s okay. Not too long ago I bumped into him for the first time since, and he initiated a conversation (I was going to leave it) and said it was nice to see me. So it was either a front or time has lessened the pain.

He had a wife and family to go back to though (they’re poly), so on a lot of levels I hope I didn’t have enough of his emotional bandwidth to truly harm him. But regardless, I just think that people should remember the human during breakups, and not set out to hurt the other person as much as possible. It’s really fucked up to do that.

poppy_blu · 2022-01-19T18:59:45+00:00

Yes I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve been dumped, lied to, cheated on, just like everyone who has had relationships.

And yes I do think about them. In fact, I am on good terms with all but one of my exes. Including the one who cheated on me while we were engaged.

It doesn’t make sense to hold on to the past, to hold on to anger. I don’t believe that any of them set out to hurt me or are bad men. In most cases, we were just young and didn’t have the maturity and experience to always handle things in the right way.

Sagittarius_AAAAA · 2022-01-20T00:55:16+00:00

Yes. I'm a sensitive guy and I dated one toxic girl 13 years ago and she took advantage of me and my brain blew up and I've never had another gf.

I've been told that this happens to everyone but, I know for a fact that it does not.

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-20T19:38:49+00:00

It’s not a woman’s job to worry about how her ex deals with heartbreak. That is his job. Her job is to make sure she handles the breakup with respect and then moves on.

billsull_02842 · 2022-01-21T05:12:41+00:00

men may need women more so their broken heart may be worse. also if men assault the body women rape the heart.

Obvious-Bread8144 · 2022-01-19T21:25:05+00:00

I invested 10 years into a woman who raped me that whole time. She had me convinced we could marry but I didn't know untill five years in, she was a prostitute the whole time. Sadly she was a sweet girl. Women have the power of Making people believe what they wish. Men are not weak or vulnerable. If a man won't talk a woman moves on. But you can't pressure a woman who won't open up. So, women can take advantage on the basis of what you don't know and can't otherwise find out. Which is always 90% of the truth anyway Men abuse by hitting. Women abuse you with your beliefs

Title	Callousness and cruelty
Author	logiauser
Upvotes	60
Comments	531
Date	January 19, 2022 2:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s7rf7i/callousness_and_cruelty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/callousness-and-cruelty.1096722 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096722

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