So how exactly do men "deceive" women into sex?

peteypete78 · 2023-08-08T20:27:03+00:00

My guess is that the most common manifestation of this would be men promising commitment when they really have no intention of following through on it.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-08T20:35:16+00:00

Generally by lovebombing and making a woman feel that they are really into her, instead of just really into the prospect of sex with a new flavor of the week.

Men who already have girlfriends or wives will also sometimes conveniently leave out that tiny detail in order to get the sex they want.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-08-08T22:04:53+00:00

By intentionally lying and deceiving the person they are speaking to. It also is included in intentionally pulling at their vulnerability to gain intimacy.

Using any sort of substance to get her to be more vulnerable with you
Lying about your morals, opinions, political views to get her to sleep with you
Lying about how you feel about her to get her to sleep with you
Saying outlandish inaccurate things in order to gain her appeal so you can keep her interested (lying about your job, career, future, family)

SierraMistSoda · 2023-08-08T20:57:50+00:00

Pretending to desire a relationship with her is the big one

Extreme-Nuance · 2023-08-09T01:52:20+00:00

The only time I know of that I would really consider deception was a friend of a friend, so take it with a grain of salt.

The woman ( in college) refused to have sex until after marriage. They dated for a year. The man (classmate) convinced her that, in their religion, all they needed to do in order to be married was to state aloud that they were married, and then they would be. A bit of a Clarissa scenario, if you're familiar with that novel.

She was naive, and he was deceptive and dropped her, and she had told her friends that they were married. He acted like he had no idea what she was talking about.

It certainly explains why some women are insistent on public commitment.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-08-08T20:25:54+00:00

This has only happened to me once but it’s very straightforward: a man said he was interested in a committed relationship with me so I felt safe to begin a sexual relationship and then he changed his mind.

I think this is usually what women mean.

hannahg000 · 2023-08-08T20:51:34+00:00

i don’t have any relationship experience but here are my observations. i would consider being tricked into sex when a man deliberately leads a woman on to believe they are in a relationship and then dips shortly after the sex happens.

being tricked implies there has to be some deception. i think sometimes women get their hopes up and assume they are in a relationship but no conversation has been had to establish that. i wouldn’t consider that being tricked

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-08-08T22:58:18+00:00

Generally... future faking is how most people get stuff from people they've targeted romantically that the person wouldn't give otherwise. Which is a more extensive and freeform concept than just promising commitment and not delivering. Commitment is not by itself desired. People seek commitment from someone they have a future with.

I don't think my ex husband ever intended to be on board with even half the things I would talk about as being stuff I wanted out of life. If he'd spoken up instead of agreeing with me there would have been no sex and no marriage. If I'd kept believing it every time there would have been no divorce.

He didn't give two shits about becoming financially stable together. He didn't really want kids either. But y'know...agree agree agree and soon enough I feel I've found someone seeking to travel the same path as me. Someone who in helping me is also helping themselves and vice versa. A good match. Someone to go into double harness with...like a team of horses. That sort of togetherness and feeling on the same side as someone is seductive.

Future faking is giving someone to expect things will eventually be a certain way with them...when you have no intention of fulfilling that expectation and rather intend to dodge it at the last minute.

People fake big futures... marriage and houses and kids etc etc. People fake little futures...well gosh she's curious to try anal one day but she thinks maybe it will take a while to feel comfortable and relaxed enough...maybe months... look how is she to know how long that takes she's never gone that far (which...may be a lie) meanwhile she's happy to be eaten out while she's had a few drinks after a nice night out. Yup. So weekend after weekend he's taking her places, liquoring her up, booking a hotel room, eating her out... it's not the one off anal that's driving him so much as an entire future of tap dat ass. Then she finds a better guy and dumps him... whoops that future never happened.

Future faking is for sure the way most unwarranted efforts to please a sexual partner (sexually or by other acts of service) are obtained.

Safinated · 2023-08-08T20:31:31+00:00

Pretend to like your person instead of just your pussy.

And dating. Dating isn’t for sex, that’s what casual hookups when you’re wasted are for

JustBeingMe426 · 2023-08-08T20:54:29+00:00

Pretending to like the person and verbally stating you prefer relationships,

I_can_get_loud_too · 2023-08-08T20:33:15+00:00

A lot of men will start dating a woman, say he is looking for his future wife, call her his girlfriend, and say they are exclusive. Then when they have sex, the next day he ghosts her and she never hears from him again, even if they have been dating exclusively for weeks or months. It’s very common. Literally every single woman I’ve ever met has been through this multiple times. It happens to both conventionally pretty girls, “ugly” or not conventionally attractive girls, and everyone in between.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-08T21:00:56+00:00

"You are my girlfriend." They have sex. "You are not my girlfriend."

begayallday · 2023-08-08T23:55:43+00:00

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Novadina · 2023-08-09T00:44:01+00:00

It’s happened to me once I guess. I met a man online, I was looking for a boyfriend and was clear about that. I was inexperienced with sex and only wanted to do it in a relationship. We dated and he seemed to take it seriously. We started having sex. After a few times, he broke up with me on Valentine’s day, claiming he couldn’t possibly continue to date someone who didn’t follow his religion because he didn’t like I was going to burn in hell after I died while he got to live in eternal joy because his parents picked the correct god. But if that was a problem, why wasn’t it an issue from the beginning? He wasn’t even religious from what I could see, like he didn’t follow any of his religions rules except apparently the one about believing that god is the best and he will torture everyone who disagrees with that.

A year later he contacted me again and told me that the real reason was actually it was so easy for him to get me in bed he had the thought he could be banging a new hot woman every month, and wanted to pursue that, rather than me monogamous with me. Apparently it wasn’t going well and he only had a few encounters and they were really bad sex, so he was wondering if I’d get back with him, since he now realizes the sex with me was much better. Lol, no, I did not.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-08-08T22:59:09+00:00

Lying or omissions

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-08-09T01:37:44+00:00

The same way how men claim women lie/deceive/omit things to get foodie dates or marriage. The exact same tactics a lot of men claim women use, that’s exactly what men do to get sex.

GridReXX · 2023-08-09T13:30:51+00:00

Assuming everyone in this situation has autonomy, it’s more that boys and men know that if they straight up say “I want some fucks” or “I don’t think I like you for a relationship for real I just wanna smash” that the woman will be turned off or offended and peace out.

Knowing this, the men who feel that way, don’t actually say it. They omit their full intentions (never wanting to commit in any real way to her), they love bomb, they do everything they need to do to make her feel comfortable enough to feel as though he really likes her. That’s when she lets the sex times happen because she’s feeling the feelings. And shortly after is when he ghosts. Or maybe he doesn’t ghost. Maybe he keeps her around as his sex buddy. And she stays because in her mind she’s not a sex buddy “this is a budding relationship” lol.

2023-08-09T00:18:29+00:00

Pretending to be kind then being a total shitbag after they got what they want. Women likely would not have slept with them if they had been upfront.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-08-09T01:21:41+00:00

One guy tried to put his dick in my rear. Without asking or any form of communication. He pretended it was an accident. So that happened.

Another guy kept trying to convince me to let him take off the condom and I was pretty sure he was about to just take it off.

Another guy was in a relationship, which I knew. But actually it turned out he was poly. But he just accidentally forgot to tell me before trying to seduce me. So that was kind of a big oops.

Another guy was in a committed relationship and fully did not tell me until after we hooked up, and his girlfriend was someone I knew. It was one of those “they were poly but actually only he was” deals.

So none of those situations was awesome.

Sad_Dependent2384 · 2023-08-09T07:45:49+00:00

I’ve never been deceived or tricked into sex directly. The times I had sex but didn’t want to were due to either fear I would be harmed (e.g. being offered a lift home and then the guy pulling over on the side of the road and groping me and ignoring my polite requests to stop) or feeling guilty that I would hurt the guy’s feelings (one particular boyfriend that would insist on proceeding even though I would complain it was hurting/sick/etc)

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-08-09T14:39:50+00:00

Generally lying. "I'm not in a relationship.", "I'm only looking for something serious", etc.

Then we have the absolutely insidious shit: "of course I'll wear a condom", "no I am clean, I was just tested"

That being said I have personally never been lied to where it resulted in sex.

begayallday · 2023-08-08T23:58:21+00:00

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Windmill_flowers · 2023-08-08T23:34:51+00:00

A Palestinian guy posed as a Jewish bachelor and had consensual sex with a Jewish woman. After she found out he was NOT in fact Jewish, the court found him guilty of rape by deception:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/International/palestinian-claimed-jew-jailed-rape-deception/story%3fid=11224513

PrimaryLow6695 · 2023-08-08T21:34:58+00:00

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PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-08-08T23:20:33+00:00

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katyushas_boyfriend · 2023-08-09T02:04:24+00:00

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PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-08-09T04:41:51+00:00

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WebBorn2622 · 2023-08-09T14:47:46+00:00

Lying about things that clearly matters to the woman’s decision of if she wants to have sex.

Examples:

A girl who only wants to have sex with romantic partners is told a guy is really into her and wants to get with her. They have sex under the pretense that a relationship is on the way and he blocks her making it a one night stand.

A girl is hit on by a guy who says he’s single. If the girl knew he had a girlfriend and sleeping with him would help him cheat she would say no. Because she believes he’s single she has sex with him and wakes up to threatening messages from his girlfriend calling her a whore.

A girl is attracted to a guy because he says he shares her values (political, religious, cultural, etc.). She sleeps with him based on the connection she felt with him. She finds out everything he said was a lie and there’s actually no connection at all.

Could probably list 10 more examples if I wanted to.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-08-08T22:27:33+00:00

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2023-08-08T21:06:59+00:00

Lying about there income, where they work, even how many friends they have, act like you have a social life but really don’t, all these factors before we sec it sounds good but the truth comes up and he’s just a a fruad

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-08-08T23:13:53+00:00

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hockey_psychedelic · 2023-08-09T02:55:43+00:00

Lying. Guys says X to get her in bed - turns out he is Y. Oldest routine in the game.

begayallday · 2023-08-09T04:57:16+00:00

It only happened here and there when I was very young and naïve. It was more subtle than making overt promises. It looked more like just acting like they were super into me and wanted to seriously date, and then ghosting the moment we had sex.

It didn’t take me long to figure that shit out and I started compartmentalizing my relationships with men. It’s very easy for me to shut down the part of myself that might potentially want a romantic relationship with someone. If I decide that it’s just sex, then that’s all it will be. Unless he proves to me through his actions that it’s more than just sex to him. Only then will I start to let my guard down a bit. It’s probably a trauma response, but at least it’s a useful one.

full_stack_maxx · 2023-08-09T05:12:38+00:00

if a woman liked a man and had sex with him to get a relationship but he didn't give her the relationship after the sex, then he deceived her.

he broke an agreement (that he had no idea was in place)

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-08-09T05:18:55+00:00

I’ve never been manipulated or deceived into having sex. A guy dangling “commitment” as an inducement wasn’t a deciding factor for me ever.

c0pkill3r · 2023-08-09T06:37:50+00:00

It would be easier to talk about how I deceived a man into sex. Young men I've been talking to are sometimes interesting enough to pick up on it. If he seems difficult to sack I'm more interested, so as soon as he gives it away I lose interest. I'm actively aware of the fact that I'm only interested because he's running. It's like I told one of my friends who asked me how to get over a relentless obsessive crush on a guy: just get to know him. Lol. When you are in a position of power it can be the opposite. Everyone who gets to know you falls in love with you (that's me), but as you get to know others you realize how they aren't good enough for you and discard them casually.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-08-09T07:35:05+00:00

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kunell · 2023-08-09T08:36:33+00:00

Im dodging the question here a bit but the problem most of the time isnt the deceiving but the "pressuring" into sex when they dont want it.

beleidigtewurst · 2023-08-09T10:56:25+00:00

Easy (and both terrifying and hilarious that someone is seriously pushing it as "deception rape")

Imagine this:

"I'm a freaking millionaire, this is my Lamborghini and I've earned it myself, I own a startup".

And in reality, dude just got a car from his friend who works at a parking company.

The "OMG< I would not have banged with you" that comes after.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-08-09T12:44:34+00:00

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cult-imagery · 2023-08-09T13:37:04+00:00

Men should begin every introduction with “Are you down to fuck?” and see which woman doesn’t find him repulsive.

That’s how I’m with the woman of my dreams. It may have cost me plenty of dignity some humiliation and a bit of my reputation but it has proven to be totally worth it.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-08-10T03:02:37+00:00

The classic fuck boy. Talk a good bit first, claim to want a relationship, after a few dates a woman starts to become vulnerable, shares deep sensitive info with him, he claims he cares about her, wants a relationship, she agrees to become intimate, they bump uglies a few times, he bails by either ghosting all together or makes up some bullshit. So telling women who want relationships that there will be a relationship, but has no intentions of a relationship, just wants access to sex.

The one time it happened to me back when I was 19, he claimed "I called him my exes name when i was half asleep and he didn't want to fall for someone who isn't over their ex." he did manage to have a few convos with me after telling me this and did come spend the night at my house one more time. But after that ghosted.

I was "tricked" because he had no intention of dating me. I found out through the grape vine, he had done this to several other women. Not the exact same excuse, but had the same pattern. He loved the "falling for you" stage, that beginning of dating "can't keep my hands off you" infatuation sex and as soon as he got a little bored, he'd move on to the next alt/goth/punk chick in town and would rinse then repeat. I would have never spread my legs if I knew he just wanted to bang for a few weeks. So I'd def say I was deceived. I was lied to, intentionally only engaging in sex thinking it was being done as a way of expressing affection when that clearly was not what was going on his end of things. I didn't mean a damn thing to him, I was just another hit of dopamine and notch for his belt.

Title	So how exactly do men "deceive" women into sex?
Author	katyushas_boyfriend
Upvotes	81
Comments	377
Date	August 8, 2023 8:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15lt853/so_how_exactly_do_men_deceive_women_into_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/so-how-exactly-do-men-deceive-women-into-sex.1228317 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228317

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