quick poll: would you date and/or have sex with a virgin man that is middle aged?

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-08-16T14:37:44+00:00

If he was a a med student from an Asian family who stressed educational and professional success above all relationships and controlled his entire life? Sure. (That’s one of my closest friends).

If he spent his life with some sort of malady or handicap which eroded his confidence or hampered his ability to date or socialize? Sure.

If he spent his entire life playing video games and hanging out in misanthropic spaces, probably not.

angelbaby933 · 2024-08-16T13:51:49+00:00

Im in my 20s so I wouldn’t date a guy in that age range to begin with. I’d be fine dating a guy my own age (24) who was inexperienced. I’d have some curiosity about the why he hadn’t had sex but that’s it.

-Blatherskite · 2024-08-16T15:46:08+00:00

Honestly, I'd probably prefer it. I feel like I could rock his world.

learn2earn89 · 2024-08-16T14:59:40+00:00

Context is important.

I personally would, since I am approaching that same status.

If it’s religion, pass. I am not religious though I am Catholic by birth. I’m spiritual but not a bible follower.

If the reason is because he has high standards but he just wants to get it over with, I’ll pass. I don’t want to be someone’s “let me get it over with” or “I’m desperate, this girl will do”

If the reason is he actually likes me and sees a future with me, then yes.

MistyMaisel · 2024-08-16T14:58:01+00:00

Like many, my answer is that it heavily depends why he's a virgin, what his sexual expectations are, what his sexual interests are, what his relationship expectations are, and what he thinks sex means about him, me, and us.

My concerns are, beyond the obvious he's a socially awkward and uncouth hobgoblin, is that his expectations for sex will be very high, that he'll have a lot of kinks/fetishes/ exploration he very much wants and feels a certain kind of pushy entitlement to getting that I am absolutely uninterested in exploring especially with someone who has such a low level experience, but high level of excitement and pent up desires.

I would be concerned that sex for him is going to be this big big deal and involve him projecting a lot onto me, the relationship, and so forth that I'm not interested in dealing with in my relationships.

And finally, I would be concerned he's going to require a lot of teaching and training in not only sex, but also how to have a relationship while also being at an age where he's so set in his ways that every single adjustment, compromise, and change is going to be a knock down through out fight fest just to get him to do simple shit.

Ultimately, my answer is probably not, but not 100% zero chance. I would say it's hugely hugely unlikely. I'm a little too old to try to put training wheels on a person who is a little too old to tolerate being trained. And when sex is bad, it's not usually mildly unpleasant, it's usually painful or majorly uncomfortable and I just don't feel like I should have to go through that.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-08-16T14:04:57+00:00

if I was single then I'd have sex with him if he somehow managed to seduce me, how would I know he was a virgin ?

that being said I just don't see how that man would pick me up and interest me, but if he could? 🤷‍♀️

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-08-16T14:10:19+00:00

Not an issue for me.

Novadina · 2024-08-16T15:42:01+00:00

I am married to a man who was a virgin at 31 when we got together, so I guess yes. He didn’t tell me he was before we had sex, though, he told me about 2 weeks into dating.

I do think the reason is relevant. He isn’t an “average man” because 30-40s is not the age average men first have sex. But there are many reasons why it can be the case.

Sophiatab · 2024-08-16T15:01:18+00:00

It would completely depend on why he was a virgin. If he was a virgin because he believed sex belonged only within marriage, and I was single, I would date him, marry him, and have sex with him. If he was one of those guys who spent his earlier life trying to get casual sex, always wanted non-marital sex, and never succeeded. Hell, no those bitter losers should be avoided like the plague.

Freethinker312 · 2024-08-16T14:45:12+00:00

I waited with sex until marriage and never wanted a relationship that would just end sooner or later, but one aimed at marriage. If I would still be single and at similar age, him being a virgin without past relationships would not be a dealbreaker at all for me, but something I would prefer. But to answer the question whether I would date or have sex with him: I wouldn't have extramarital sex with him, and "date" just sounds very vague to me, so I don't know. (It seems people use the word "date" for every stage from first meeting each other, up to being married and going out for dinner together, and they seem to use it for every kind of stable relationship or unstable situationship, so that makes that part of the question difficult to answer.)

Poor_Olive_Snook · 2024-08-16T20:31:05+00:00

Depends on the man

Individual-Gur-7292 · 2024-08-16T14:03:09+00:00

I would have no problem with this.

Avocado-Toast-93 · 2024-08-16T13:54:43+00:00

No. I’m sorry. I’m past that stage of relationships. I not patient enough to help and manage a man like that. He needs someone who is much more sensitive and tolerant than I realistically am.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-08-16T13:51:50+00:00

If I was middle aged and single then sure. I will only date people who have had sex in at most a few serious relationships, but never works too.

literaryhogwartian · 2024-08-16T16:13:04+00:00

Neither 30s or 40s is middle aged

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-08-16T20:54:51+00:00

it would depend entirely upon his specific character and circumstances. If he was an avid porn consumer or porn addict, then it would be an absolute no. If he has no healthy, close, emotionally vulnerable long-term friendships, it would also be a no.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-08-16T16:24:21+00:00

No. Not cuz he’s a virgin but because he’s never been in a relationship before. At my age I don’t want to have to teach someone how to be a good partner

Werevulvi · 2024-08-16T17:08:33+00:00

Yes, I would. Assuming he'd have no issue with me having a high body count in my past. Also assuming he wouldn't have the ideology commonly attached to incels, and that he'd be open to learning about sex and relationships. I actually quite enjoy teaching and guiding men into becoming good (sex) partners.

Although I don't have a ton of experience with that level of inexperienced men, my first boyfriend was a virgin when I wasn't, a casual sex partner had only ever had sex with men before me (bi-curious from having thought he was gay, he was 36 at the time), a guy I briefly dated hadn't had sex with women for over 30 years (he was 68 at the time), and I once gave a hand job to a severely disabled guy who had never even experienced an orgasm prior (he was 36 at the time.)

So I do have quite some experience with men who lacked experience to varying degrees, and I never had any issue with that. Probably because for a pretty long time in my past, I identified as trans ftm and also transitioned medically. Due to that, I was most men's first ftm anyway. I kinda had to just get used to that most people had zero sexual experience with my kinda body. Now I'm back to being a woman again, but I'm obviously still the same person internally, so I still don't mind being a guy's first something.

Also, most of the inexperienced men I was with were totally sweet and attractive to me. They were gentle and careful. And I really appreciated that. I think their lack of experience made them more careful, out of some level of worry that they'd fuck things up.

As for lack of experience in dating, I don't worry too much about it, because I'm kinda driven in regards to open communication, honesty, equality and working through issues. Some might say my autism is unattractive but one good thing it does is that it makes me very direct in relationships. Like I always inform straight out what's going well and what's going badly. So I'd think it wouldn't be super hard for an inexperienced guy to kinda just tag along in that and learn from what I'm doing. So I'm sure we'd figure things out. Also, imo dating someone new always involves learning a bunch of new stuff, adjusting habits, etc, and I don't think that differs much with experience level in actual practice.

That said though I wouldn't say I have any kinda preference for experience level in a guy. I think I just ended up with a lot of inexperienced men probably because I'm one of few women who just don't care about that sorta stuff, and because most men I've dated or hooked up with were average. I've never been with a Chad type of guy and I don't really have any interest in pursuing them either. I prefer men who are attractive in unconventional ways. But that doesn't seem to be what most women want, so the men I like are often very lonely, and either haven't seen a pussy in x amount of years, or literally never. But they have been just as good lovers as the experienced men I've been with, if not even better tbh. Maybe because a man who knows he has a hard time scoring women will be all the more grateful for the one woman who wants him.

apresonly · 2024-08-16T17:58:42+00:00

sure, could be hot

would be fun to show him pleasure 🤷‍♀️

same rules apply as other men, i have to actually connect with them and like them in order to want to do this (rare)

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-08-16T18:31:51+00:00

I am a middle-aged woman who has had a decent amount of dating experience. As a result of my own life experiences, I probably wouldn't choose to date a similarly-aged man who hasn't been in a relationship. I just feel like we wouldn't have much in common. I would prefer to date a divorcee who has children because I am also divorced (or about to be) and have a child.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-08-16T14:31:22+00:00

No, we're in very different stages of life even if he weren't too old.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-08-16T14:16:10+00:00

The not having relationships part is the part I'd pass on.

Not having sex is no biggie. You have to relearn sex with every partner anyway because everyone is different.

I'm happily married to a guy who wasnt a virgin when we met but was inexperienced, and he is by far the best Ive ever had in bed. The first few times weren't great but after that it got better and better.

A guy that age (where you are set in your ways) never having had a relationship...no. I dont want a fixer upper. He likely doesnt have any social or emotional intelligence if he has gone that long without a relationship and I dont have time for that.

attendquoi · 2024-08-16T13:58:04+00:00

No, it's way too late in life for me to put up with that kind of inexperience.

False-Purple3882 · 2024-08-16T13:51:12+00:00

I would’ve maybe considered it back when I was single.

Slipthe · 2024-08-16T20:01:35+00:00

Yeah, but I'd need to feel like he is humble and grateful and not bitter.

The more bitter he is, the more time he's probably spent running through a million scenarios, all these fantasies that I'm now being compared to.

Idk, I'd just want him to be happy, but my experiences on this subreddit make me think a virgin middle aged man is going to have a lot of emotional baggage.

So it would be a yes until he gave evidence of being blackpill lmao.

Lysa_Bell · 2024-08-16T16:49:03+00:00

Absolutely not.

I'm in my mid 30s. It would be absolutely unfair of me to be with a virgin guy because I have certain experiences and certain expectations of my partners and it would be horrible of me to be with someone that I know couldn't live up to my expectations. It would lead to resentment on my part and self esteem issues on his. I'm not mentally destroying someone like that.

GoldSailfin · 2024-08-16T14:30:15+00:00

The reason IS relevant. Is he a virgin because of religion or not? If not due to religion, then why would any man not have sex?

optimistic_entropi · 2024-08-16T14:08:09+00:00

One of the big things that’s always over looked here is that this description gives us a pretty solid idea of the chances of her enjoying the sex. They arent great

Men ask these kind of questions wrongly believing that most sex is pleasurable, like 90% chance of an orgasm easy. Not the case for women

Would your question differ in anyway if you took into account that she is probably not going to actually orgasm when she engages in sex with this dude.

Does the fact that she’s going to have to forgo enjoying sex for a good chunk of time (assuming he is willing to learn about how to please woman) make you want to expand on this question at all?

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Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-08-16T19:06:40+00:00

Probably not. I don't want to teach someone sex or relationships. Plus it's just really unrelatable to me, in a way that seems like it could cause problems. I do have a bit of a religious fetish though, so if it were due to religious belief I might find the idea of corrupting him pretty hot. But he'd have to be cute and I still wouldn't date him.

If he managed to hook up with me without disclosing I wouldn't be mad about it. If the sex were good I might even keep doing it -- but I would not date him seriously. Being good in bed is like 90% just generosity and communication, it doesn't take a ton of practice. Being a good boyfriend absolutely does.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-08-16T21:25:54+00:00

Yes, I would be quite open to both dating him and having sex with him, provided obviously that we get along well and find each other attractive.

I'm curious about your gathering of data for a future discussion. Is this leading up to a larger post here, or something you'll be writing for a different sub?

thelajestic · 2024-08-16T23:01:23+00:00

Wouldn't date him, no. I've been in enough online spaces to know that if there's one thing inexperienced men hate above all else, it's a woman that's had sex. Absolutely can't be bothered with the judgement and jealousy that would likely arise. Plus there's almost no reason I can think of for him having no relationship experience that would be acceptable for me. I wouldn't date religious people, wouldn't date people who view sex as only a special thing that happens when a mummy and daddy love each other very much etc.

If it was a hook up only then yeah possibly.

inherentlyvalued · 2024-08-16T15:38:11+00:00

No, I am not willing or able to deal with someone who has that many issues, nor do I want to teach a sexual novice. I already put my time in on both those aspects

Weecodfish · 2024-08-16T15:45:22+00:00

No because I am too young.

Pola_Lita · 2024-08-16T19:39:20+00:00

The reason being for his situation isn't relevant I believe, just a normal average man who just never had any relationship or sex.

A man who reaches middle age without ever experiencing sexual intimacy isn't a normal average man.

While I would appreciate some explanation as to the reason given, it isn't necessary I would also appreciate a simple yes or no to this as well.

I don't understand how this information would be useful without knowing why and based on a type that just doesn't exist in our society.

operation-spot · 2024-08-16T19:46:44+00:00

No. I’m not middle aged so I wouldn’t be interested in him in the first place.

Sxnflower15 · 2024-08-16T16:08:32+00:00

If he’s middle aged, no. If we’re the same age or he’s slightly younger then yes.

abnabatchan · 2024-08-16T17:02:25+00:00

well, I think the question is a little too broad? like there are so many factors that come into play here, and just saying "an average guy who hasn't had any relationships or sex" doesn't really give enough context. and what does "average" even mean here? and why hasn't he had any relationships? is it by choice, or is there something deeper going on that would make dating or intimacy difficult?

for me, it really comes down to whether I like and trust the person, if he’s someone I genuinely connect with and feel comfortable around, I could be open to it, but if he’s like 40 and still hasn't had a relationship, even if I were to go for it, I probably wouldn’t see a long term future.

so, I guess my answer would be…it depends.

Kizka · 2024-08-16T20:30:57+00:00

As long as I find him attractive and he has a good personality and no outlandish views or a severe mental illness, I wouldn't have an issue with it. I think it could bring a special kind of fun to the bedroom. But in my experience the vast majority of men who are attractive and have a good personality don't have any issues losing their virginity before middle age. So if someone is still a virgin at that age there's usually something and the chances are high that he gets rejected even without the women knowing about his virgin status.

My_House_on_Mars · 2024-08-16T14:17:47+00:00

Depends why he0s a virgin

Is it because he's socially awkward/violent/creepy? then no

Is it because he's pathologically shy then maybe yes

It's about vibes and chemistry not about virgin status

leosandlattes · 2024-08-16T14:37:38+00:00

I am going to assume this man is a virgin by choice, otherwise he cannot be a normal, average guy otherwise.

So sure, why not. I'm not even sure how I would come to know this information tho. I have never even asked a boyfriend how many women he's slept with.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-08-16T14:54:06+00:00

I wouldn’t really want to date someone too far over 30 to begin with but I would be open to someone my age with inexperience depending on why they’re inexperienced.

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-08-16T15:23:50+00:00

I am in my 40s and no I would not have sex with a man in that age range that was a virgin but it does not have to do with his virginity it has to do with a lack of emotional maturity. Now I am not saying that men that have had sex are emotionally mature many are not. But the emotions and maturity that come with having been in sexual relationships before is the issue. That is something in my opinion you just cannot gain without experience. Think back to how our first sexual relationship ended and how it hurt and then imagine that occurring in your 40s rather than in high school or college. That's a no for me.

blackdaalia · 2024-08-16T16:51:11+00:00

I think the fact he never had a girlfriend would bother a bit more than the virgin thing, because I know how hard it is to learn how to be in a relationship, especially when your partner has had way more experiences than you and therefore has higher expectations than you. I know that because I started dating my current boyfriend when I was 19, and he was 27 and had already been married before. It is VERY hard to adjust to being in a relationship when you have never done it before.

Regardless of all that, I can't say yes, I would date him, or no, I wouldn't date him, because it would highly depend on his personality and the reasons behind not ever having a romantic relationship before. I know you said you believe it doesn't matter, but I can't give you an actual answer without knowing why he is in this position.

Now, assuming I said yes, to continue the relationship, he would have to be open to learn both how to be in a relationship and how to have sex in a way that is pleasurable for both of us. If he was too set in his ways, I would probably end the relationship.

Title	quick poll: would you date and/or have sex with a virgin man that is middle aged?
Author	psych0ticmonk
Upvotes	23
Comments	248
Date	August 16, 2024 1:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1etp9k6/quick_poll_would_you_date_andor_have_sex_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/quick-poll-would-you-date-andor-have-sex-with-a.1527461 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527461

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