It is genuinely sad to watch grown men form little support groups around sexual improvement. Entire threads about techniques, endurance training, penis size relevance, toys, supplements, positioning charts. As if desire is something you unlock after enough side quests.

None of it matters if she does not want you.

If a woman desires you, sex does not become a problem to solve. It happens. Briefly, imperfectly, sometimes laughably. And afterward she still says, without hesitation, “he was amazing.” Not because he was. Because he chose her.

Meanwhile the men who are not desired are busy crowdsourcing solutions. Measuring themselves. Comparing notes. Treating sex like an engineering challenge instead of what it actually is, a verdict that was already delivered before clothes came off.

The same applies on the other side. When women talk about “improving their sex life,” it is almost always framed as logistics. Communication. Fairness. Effort. “He is so selfish in bed.” Translation: I do not desire this man, and now every movement feels like an imposition.

Women do not complain about the bedroom with men they want. They do not start projects. They do not seek advice. They do not keep score. Sex with a desired man does not get analyzed because it does not feel like work.

Selfishness only becomes visible when attraction is missing. When desire is present, enthusiasm fills in all the gaps. When it is not, every flaw becomes evidence.

This is why the obsession with improvement is so misguided. People keep trying to fix sex when what they are actually trying to fix is indifference. No amount of technique makes obligation feel like hunger.

The cruel irony is that the men everyone describes as incredible are often doing the least. Sometimes laughably little. Sometimes over in a minute. And yet no one starts a discussion group about it. No one needs to improve anything.

Because desire already did the work.