If red flags are so easy to spot, then there's no need for prenups and paternity tests

Major-Platypus2092 · 2026-05-24T23:34:05+00:00

Not really directed at OP, but I think people willfully misunderstand when talking about red flags. The truth is that some people are horrible at hiding them (or proudly wear them) and some people bury them very deeply.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-25T01:01:33+00:00

Not married, but as for prenups: you're getting a prenup one way or the other. Either the government writes it, you you and your spouse write it. I prefer the latter regardless.

As for paternity tests, you shouldn't have unprotected sex with anyone you think you might need a paternity test for. I don't understand what that's so difficult for some dudes. Maybe my obsession with blowjobs makes the desire to nut inside a girls pussy not as intense idk.

ScrewDaRules · 2026-05-25T01:12:06+00:00

I was always under the assumption that "you should've known better" implied that someone was there telling them that getting involved with that person was a bad idea, or that proof that a person wasn't so great was readily available (i.e. mugshots, or numerous stories from others about how the person was a cheater or something).

Other than that you kinda gotta roll the dice and be OK with the results if your discernment isn't up to par, and take efforts to protect yourself if things go tango uniform

ImaginaryDimension74 · 2026-05-25T01:34:19+00:00

Actually the reason to get a prenup is precisely because one recognizes the red flag or risk and wishes to reduce it.

AMDisappointment · 2026-05-25T01:02:06+00:00

But those are tools to easily spot red flags. Just seeing the reactions to those tells you all that you need to know.

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NextClassroom4789 · 2026-05-25T22:03:59+00:00

🤦

eye_of_gnon · 2026-05-25T12:54:13+00:00

men can just as easily spot women's red flags and avoid them

Who said that? You're shifting blame onto men because you didn't like women being criticized. Suspicious posting pattern. Also I think it's plausible that women are more attracted to the toxic men than men are to toxic women. Male toxicity can signify confidence and status. Female toxicity has no benefits.

DriverInitial8305 · 2026-05-25T01:08:29+00:00

Most people don’t need a prenup anyway bc most people marry within their income bracket. So much of manosphere circles focuses on these celebrity or athlete relationships that ends in multimillion dollar divorces. You as a man making 70k isn’t going to get fleeced if your wife making 60k divorces you or vice versa. So it’s not really something ordinary people need to worry about

Throw_r_a_2021 · 2026-05-25T11:33:06+00:00

You’re unlikely to crash while driving a car. Do you prefer not to wear a seatbelt?

growframe · 2026-05-25T00:16:05+00:00

Honestly, yeah there's no point of getting married with a prenup.

But to play devil's advocate, there's a difference in severity here. The argument against choosing better is the possibility of a machiavellian mastermind hiding all their bad traits for a long period of time, or the possibility of someone just turning a 180.

The problem with your argument is that the above concerns are far more applicable to a singular, one on one marriage than the overall balance of all relationships. Master lockpickers exist, so it is reasonable to have multi-layered security. It is not reasonable to declare that all locks are useless because some master lockpickers exist. Things slipping through the cracks is more relevant at an individual scale.

Proudvow · 2026-05-25T02:45:03+00:00

Men often do not have the option to choose better. If they want kids they will often have to accept subpar women.

"Pick better" is for people with an abundance of options. Most men don't have that.

abaxeron · 2026-05-25T02:46:59+00:00

False analogy.

(NotAll) women's argument is "bad men should not exist".

(NotAll) men's argument is "bad things women do should not be legal or come with enforceable bonuses".

Would have been the right analogy if anyone who matters unironically argued that since red flags are easy to spot, there is no need for criminal laws against rape and abuse. The only adjacent argument I encountered, supported, and made, is that rape should be strictly criminal and unsettlable.

Zabadoodude · 2026-05-25T02:18:11+00:00

Red flags arent't always easy to spot, but they usually are. Many people either ignore them or don't know what to look for.

When it comes to paternity tests: if you're planning to have a kid with a woman and you aren't even sure she's faithful to you, yes, you were probably ignoring some major red flags

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-05-25T11:12:02+00:00

I think most of the 'choose better' bullshit is indeed reductionist bullshit. That said, the OP misses the key point. There are more innate correlations between male traits that create raw desire in women and the qualities that also lead to the kind of bad behavior we are talking about. This is less true when it comes to men choosing women.

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ihatefruitsoop · 2026-05-25T10:02:35+00:00

you should not be marrying someone who you do not know and trust.

prenuptial agreements are stupid in general. one isn't needed unless you're some old rich creep dating a 18-23 year old that is from a poor socio-economic background. in that kind of relationship, usually the younger person is looking for financial stability, so it would make sense that the creep needs to protect themselves.

most people date in their age group and tax bracket, either way. with no fault divorce, assets are divided fairly by a judge that is supposed to be impartial, so there is no issue there.

as for paternity tests, im a strong believer they should be done at birth, and also I believe that when a child is fathered out of Wenlock, both the parents and the families of the parents should be notified. even better, set up a public, easy to access data base.

the cases of paternity fraud are little and far in between, but a public data base would solve it. it would also stop allowing parents to run from parental responsibility.

Ranziel · 2026-05-25T10:52:09+00:00

Holy moly, real corner chair enjoyer over here.

Podlubnyi · 2026-05-26T13:32:37+00:00

Prenups and paternity tests are utilised because men are held legally accountable not only for their choices but for women's choices.

Oh she lied that the baby was yours? That's too bad, you shouldn't have trusted her and you still have to pay.

Wife was abusive and cheated on you with a dozen men? That's too bad, she still gets half of everything.

So I shall continue to tell a woman to choose better if she fails to notice the junkie/drunken/jobless/violent/criminal man she picked had more red flags than the Soviet Union.

Sea-Ebb4658 · 2026-05-26T20:04:38+00:00

The thing is it is much easier to leave an abusive or manipulative partner that you are not married to then leave one that you are married to. People dont argue that women should be able to identify red flags as soon as she sees him, the argument is that once she eventually does see it, she should leave him instead of sticking around

But once a man is married and then he spots a red flag, its gonna be much harder to leave knowing he will lose half of his pre maritial wealth as well. Its not the same as woman who was in a relationship with a hot guy for few weeks, but she still stayed after seeing some red flags instead of running immediately

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-05-27T03:34:59+00:00

No, someone 'going with it anyway' and ignoring red flags doesn't excuse her for being evil. Do prenup and paternity, and punish the crap out of her in court for it, for every time someone suggests otherwise. Double down now.

Any-Cantaloupe-1262 · 2026-05-28T18:24:37+00:00

This applies to both men and women. Many people believe this, and many men and women become victims of it because they choose the wrong partner.

So I think, the most accurate wording for your post:

Many people on this sub believe that someone is either willfully ignoring their partner's red flags or else are so naive that they are blinded by hotness, so someone who complaints about abusive, misogynistic/misandristic, or lazy partner are solved by choosing better and not ignoring the red flags that others can so easily spot.

Then, clearly, there is no need for prenups or paternity tests since these people who believe that can just as easily spot their partner's red flags and avoid them. For the poor saps who don't, they should be held accountable and simply choose better.

Barely-moral · 2026-05-24T23:34:36+00:00

Men (heterosexual) can easily see the red flags in men because they have no romantic nor sexual interest in them.

Men (heterosexual) can't easily see the red flags in women because they have romantic/sexual interest in them.

When you don't have hormones messing things up red flags are easy to see.

It is not that women should be able to easily spot the red flags in men and then "choose better". It is that women should listen to people not blinded by nature when they are pointing at red flags they can't easily see on their own.

OMWSpudss · 2026-05-25T05:28:31+00:00

Interesting take....And since many women say they can smell misogyny and a terrible personality from men a mile away there's no need for all these pesky laws discouraging and punishing domestic abuse, assault, rape, and so on.

/s obvi

Laws and policies are necessary to protect people from other bad people no matter how stupid the decisions were, but I can see how a longtime poster of your persuasion would just throw this argument out there like provocative catnip for PPD misandrists to upvote. Women don't want to be abused but there's a chance the man she decided to be with is abusive, therefore laws are needed just in case. You do the math.

Sapiopath · 2026-05-25T01:45:54+00:00

Red flags are easy to spot. But we don’t weigh them all equally and often we fall into the trap of thinking they can change for us or that their behavior isn’t as bad/important enough to ruin a relationship.

Mindful_Insights · 2026-05-25T01:57:50+00:00

Written by someone who’s never experienced human sexual interactions, no doubt - although I’ll admit it must seem odd from the outside looking in. Like watching another species. Or watching adults.

captaindestucto · 2026-05-25T00:25:14+00:00

Then, clearly, there is no need for prenups or paternity tests

Agreed. The majority of abusers/users are terrible at hiding it.

For the poor saps who don't, they should be held accountable and simply choose better.

Correct.

So we're in agreement then OP: people are accountable for who they pair up with.

Main-Tiger8537 · 2026-05-25T03:37:45+00:00

reasonable people do not claim red flags are easy to spot no matter the gender/sex...

the people who claim red flags are easy to spot do not care about prenups or paternity tests because they would ban divorce + abortion and want that women are breeding stations... they push that women just have sex in marriage...

if people are hypocritical about the above 2 points no words from you will change their mind...

responsibility + accountability should count for everybody on equal terms but thats just my liberal opinion and many others have double standards for that...

gtbreddit1 · 2026-05-24T23:50:19+00:00

Another bluepill "everything must be equal between men and women" delusion.

Just because the red flags of abusive men are easy to spot, doesn't automatically mean the red flags of women are. Men and women are different.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2026-05-25T07:25:55+00:00

I think they aren't that easy to spot, but women need to be honest about that instead of claiming superior feminine intuition. Guys are usually honest about finding women hard to read.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2026-05-25T04:21:48+00:00

This is NOT an equal comparison because men and women are different.

For men, of course they can spot the PHYSICALLY abusive women.

But the thing is men and women are DIFFERENT. Women aren't as PHYSICALLY violent. It is more covert.

Second, most men are oofy doofy Basic Bobs and Cubicle Carls. Sprinkle in a small batch of Neckbeard Neds.

They LACK experience in vetting. We can't ask about b*dy count. We are "insecure" if we want to know how we rank to past men.

For the Basic Bobs, his fear is NOT the physical abuse. It is being the"safe" man. And for that, the woman does NOT need to be physically violent. She is mostly favorable to him. It's just that he is a favored monkey.

The real fear is the court system.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-05-25T22:48:54+00:00

This would be ignoring the possibility that they might realize that she will try to take more from you in the case of a divorce/ likely cheat hence the push for prenup/paternity tests.
The push for such would be showing that they aren’t willingly ignorant or ignoring them just recognizing that they are there and doing something about it.

Used-Presentation551 · 2026-05-26T08:13:00+00:00

Most "choose better" comments are a result of a huge part of women in online discourse labeling pretty benign things as "creepy" or even worse.

When you're a well meaning man, but are anxious and shy because you don't want the woman to feel uncomfortable, and are not well practiced or not very socially skilled and as a result get labelled a "creep", or even worse, a closeted rapist (i kid you not some women label shy behaviour as "rapist") for daring to approach women then it is only natural to push back on such accusations.

And when those same people see women telling them they are abusive creeps actually partnering up with abusive creeps, then "choose better" becomes a kind of a rebuttal / rebellion to show the two faced nature of such behaviour

And I don't think i need to explain why online such sentences becomes generalized. Same as why most women's talking points are essentially "men bad" in online forums

statsfodder · 2026-05-25T02:35:05+00:00

And women shouldn't complain about the violent, toxic, shitty men they date or the rapists they allow near them.. right? I mean women's intuition is the best, right?

How is it every woman can never tell until he hits her, rapes her, takes all her money, fucks all her friends, etc etc those sneaky manipulative men able to fool women's infallible intuition so easily and so often...

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2026-05-24T23:42:39+00:00

SOME red flags are easy to spot. Strangely, I've noticed that men with those obvious, glaring, swinging red flags that have already knocked multiple things off of the table - never have trouble getting dates.

Prenups and paternity tests are much more of a red flag "seatbelt" than doing anything to avoid red flags.

stats135 · 2026-05-24T23:51:35+00:00

Yes, the logic stands. Beta men are stupid fucks that allowed themselves to be trapped in a BP narrative and used by women. I can look back at myself 10 years ago and tell you honest to god that man was a imbecile who can't see a red flag at a communist parade.

Now I would love for the retarded bitches here to acknowledge that they are 100% at fault for going with the Chad bastard and not choosing Billy the accountant down the floor instead.

renfsu · 2026-05-24T23:40:27+00:00

This is such a blue pill child level take.

It's not about spotting red flags. It's about being abused and sticking to the person that abuses you. This is nothing like dealing with paternity or prenups.

TempDong · 2026-05-25T19:50:01+00:00

The "why do men go for toxic men" argument goes off the societal rhetoric around what women want.

Men are open about how much they value physical attraction. They talk about making exceptions for hot women all the time. The whole "hot but crazy" thing for example.

Women hide how much they value physical attraction or literally just don't even understand it themselves. If a guy is having trouble getting women, it is automatically assumed (by general society and especially women, not the pilled people) that his personality or personal hygiene is not right. I've seen women that I know talk about "all they want is a funny dude" or "the bar is in hell" so it isn't even just online. I distinctly remember pointing out to a woman how fucking creepy the guy she went on a date with acted and she was totally oblivious to it (because he was really tall).

The whole "stop dating abusive guys" is in response to that difference. Guys don't claim to be all knowing, lust free sages who only care about a woman's personality and thus should be able to spot paternity fraud a mile away.

Also, "prenups and paternity tests" are insurance against the worst case and both happen in a highly committed relationship (marriage and/or children) when there is not clear evidence. So it's even a different situation than just dating.

Free_Inspection_8990 · 2026-05-25T06:34:22+00:00

I get the point of the question so I’m happy to answer but you and the other “blue pillers” are being obtuse and you know it. Generally (and I’d actually love for you to contest this) men who have trouble dating are assumed to have a moral failing. It’s also true that for the last few decades. Men’s sexual preferences have been heavily scrutinised as problematic and promoting rape culture ( which I agree with. Men overwhelmingly select for young, agreeable women.) it’s also true that women are overwhelmingly hurt by IPV or in family contexts. So when I say here “hey women, when you select for assertive, competent, masculine men you do not realise these men have already committed toxic masculinity to other men in the heirarchy. Why do you think it won’t happen to you?”

Now to answer. I would unironically argue prenups and paternity tests are actually a proactive shit test of sorts and is the exact behaviour I would like women to demonstrate early in a relationship also.

FunnyCry5856 · 2026-05-25T06:31:21+00:00

I do not think paternity tests are legal in most countries. You can get one for your own satisfaction but you still have to pay child support incase the baby is not yours. Secondly, Women make the claim that they can spot red flags easily and know when a man is being performative or what not. So yeah maybe they should pick better or just suffer the consequences, in no way a woman being beaten by her man should be a problem for society because she choose to suffer. She can leave the man but she chooses not to instead they make a little baby who will share the same fate. In what way are these women a victim ?

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-05-25T07:36:46+00:00

I appreciate the sarcasm and this post is funny. Absolutely, some people on this sub are very weird. But people who truly blame women for all of the men's shortcomings are outliers. And let's be honest, women often DO ignore red flags. Men do as well, it's not really a gendered trait, however it's us that somewhat more often enter committed relationships thinking we can change him. No, no lady, you can't. You're not a bull, you're meant to run FROM the red flag not TOWARDS it, move tf on.

As for the examples, I know a lesbian couple that's getting a prenup, it's something that a lot of people want regardless of gender, and I think that every child that is born should have a routine paternity test.

Having a child is life-changing. The amount of energy, emotional capacity, money and time that it's going to consume is not comparable to anything else in your life. I think it's perfectly fair to not expect men base their lives on hope and trust if we have the technology to give them absolute certainty. It's also in the best interest of the child - should the man find out the child isn't his in the future, after having formed a deep emotional bond with them, it can be deeply traumatizing if the man you perceived as your father leaves. It's great for the woman as well - sometimes men have these questions or doubts and don't voice them, but it impacts them and the relationship. The question is answered, he feels safe, he will be a better partner and father. There's literally zero negatives.

Title	If red flags are so easy to spot, then there's no need for prenups and paternity tests
Author	Solondthewookiee
Upvotes	129
Comments	232
Date	May 24, 2026 11:29 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tmrrek/if_red_flags_are_so_easy_to_spot_then_theres_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-red-flags-are-so-easy-to-spot-then-theres-no.1581174 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581174

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