Hot guy vs Secure guy : Men, i understand why being the secure guy is an insult. But do you understand why some women chose it?

ZodiacBrave98 · 2019-04-16T23:16:33+00:00

Bit of a tangent, but I wonder if women think the 'secure' part of guyness is easier than being hot. A lot of conversation seems to revolve around finding the hot/fun guitarist and adding in a dose of Corporate Ladder Climbing.

There is challenge in both, but I wonder if women think men who sacrifice to build a career are doing it for the pure joy they find in it. I mean, everyone got to pay bills but its comparatively simple to do the minimum for employment.

To a guy who felt they were taking the high road, sacrificing fun now for better fun later, learning that women even feel this way is a gut check. To discover that the fun/hot guy with no future is on even terms, to the point that women will want to date both, is upsetting. It feeds right into the Red Pill 'enjoy the decline' philosophy.

Torching the future and giving women what they desire at the limbic level looks good by comparison.

CainPrice · 2019-04-16T23:04:48+00:00

Everyone settles in some way. I don't think that's the crux of the issue.

I think what hurts men the most is when the safe, secure guy that the woman only kind of likes never got to be the fun guy for anybody.

If that upper middle class nerdy guy with the engineering degree and the good job was also hot, social, fun, and interesting and he spent his college years and most of his 20s having casual sex, then met a stable girl with her feet on the ground who understands the value of paying the bills every month, saving money, planning for retirement, and genuinely appreciates what a great guy he is, both for his hotness and his safeness, that's great.

But if that safe, secure guy spent his entire life never having the chance to be the fun guy, and his only opportunity for any affection and sex whatsoever is to be the safe, secure provider for a woman who spent her 20s fucking lesser men, and now she's giving up on all of that for a guy she only kind of likes because he's safer, that stings.

illgiveyouapapow · 2019-04-17T00:18:36+00:00

I feel like it’s beyond “settling.” If you ask me, settling is what 99% of people do. We are all born with the biology that makes us desire that top 1% mate. We realize we are not top 1% and will never achieve that mate, so we “settle.”

This is my read on the way we feel about it:

Us guys, most of us are happy to “settle” with our average girl. Sure, she’s not a supermodel but honestly at the end of the day we just don’t care about that. We are happy to have someone to love.

I think we feel that women are not like this. That women settle, but are never truly happy. That when a woman settles, it is begrudgingly, knowing he just isnt going to turn her on or give her the excitement she wants. She settles for secure guy, and deep down there is a pain inside her which screams “what are you doing!? You need to make babies with a better genetic specimen than this!” Which is why many RPers believe that women do exactly that. Get pregnant by the hot fun guy, break up with him because he is not secure, and find a secure guy to raise alpha males baby. It doesn’t help that we see this in the animal kingdom. Cuckolding is very common.

And this day and age we all wish for equality. But when it comes to sex and relationships equality seems to be impossible. Which is another reason why it hurts to know you’re just the beta cuck designed to raise another man’s baby. That equality doesn’t apply to you, we are still animals and we can never escape that.

Well, that’s my read on our feelings anyways. I’m not making a statement I’m just trying to say what I think we tend to feel.

Edit: Wow! Someone gave me gold on here a week ago and now silver and guess what? I still haven’t figured out what to do with it lol. Thanks though! I am enjoying the lack of advertisements at the very least =D

Another edit:

I don’t know if anyone will read this new edit. But I don’t know who to reply to so uh yea I have a bit kore to say!

While it kinda sucks for us guys to think we are destined to be stuck in a marriage with a woman who will always have that doubt in her mind I also have to question that mentality as well.

Me personally, I’m a good genetic specimen. I’m y’all, handsome, naturally athletic and strong and intelligent (at least that’s what people say I don’t like to act like I’m smart I am not a genius ya know?)

However, like many guys, I had a HORRIBLE childhood. My mother beat the everliving shit out of me and my siblings daily for no reason. She sent us to school literally smelling like shit and piss. Shit and piss! I had no fucking friends my entire life. Everyone hated me. Kids would gang up on me, I used to fight almost daily. Complete loner all alone getting jumped. My first fight was in 3rd grade and my last fight was around age 25 in the military. All of them were bullies who saw me as the damaged person I was and sought to hurt me for whatever reason it is that bullies do that stuff for. They see a victim and they just have to make sure to make the victims life even worse. (Don’t worry folks, like I said I’m a good genetic specimen and also was lucky to have martial arts training when I was young so I never was physically hurt too badly, my bullies feared me to be honest I’m not trying to sound like a bad ass but frankly I fear no man I’m a fuckin badass lol.)

All that said, I was socially destroyed even to this day. I am still struggling to learn social skills. I was taught my whole life that I am a sexual monster who is always waiting to rape women. Society taught me the wrong way to be with females. Someone gave me reddit gold for a previous comment about this subject how society molds us and turns us into beta males.

Men are meant to be leaders. A leader is created, not born. And this, society has removed many of our ability to become leaders.

So on the one hand, we see that women do not wish to settle. And it hurts. On the other hand, us men have Been crippled by society. It’s not necessarily women’s fault that their standards won’t go down. It’s not necessarily men’s fault that society has hurt us so much.

Personally I think red pill is one perspective of a few which seek to reinstate men’s masculinity and ability to be leaders and gain power. Power, being that which is the ability to control your own life. Women are attracted to that power. And many of us men have never known that that power was a possibility for us.

Men are meant to lead our own lives, we gain wisdom and strength through our work and we pass that to our children. This is why women are attracted to that. But society has emasculated us and removed our power over our own life’s direction.

I guess. Lol. What do I know? Hope someone reads this edit and can comment about it lol. Maybe I should make a new post? Some of this stuff feels like basic red pill but at the same time sometimes perspective is needed regardless. Lots of this red pill shit I didn’t understand until I heard other perspectives from other people, like conservatives or female dating coaches or what have you. I’ve taken in various perspectives and these are the conclusions I’m drawing so far.

Boom.

daveofmars · 2019-04-17T00:26:33+00:00

Yeah, I get it. I understand why. Security is pleasant. When we get older, we value that over excitement.

I don't have a problem with that, because it seems like the natural inclination, but I don't appreciate how (some) women feel so blase about trying to have their cake and eat it too. I get the impression that they try to min/max their lives, going full bore into the party scene to make the most of it, then doing a radical change to become wife material later in life to maximize their marriage prospects, and it all seems very self-serving and insincere.

wekacuck · 2019-04-16T23:26:14+00:00

What's to understand? Some cheater cheated and wants to go on cheating. She can burn in hell for all I care about her "reasons".

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-04-17T03:32:28+00:00

What we find ridiculous (not sure if offensive) is that women just think they can plan their life like a fucking movie script and expect men to accommodate to it.

Do you want to fuck around with the hot guys for a few years? Sure, we also want to do that.

Do you want go finally settle in with a nice, safe person that is not necessarily the hottest? Fine, we do the same.

Are men not stepping the fuck up and bring "real men" because you are on your 30's and somehow the perfect guy hasn't showed up magically once the baby/marriage fever kicked in? You can go adopt a cat, you entitled brat.

Ziczor · 2019-04-17T06:44:36+00:00

If I'm not attractive/fun/cool/whatever I'd rather rot alone. A big NOPE to being that secure dude.

Her mind would wander to those other dudes even when fucking me.

Barely-moral · 2019-04-16T23:07:58+00:00

do you understand why some women choose to do so?

I do understand it. It makes sense. Settling is not in itself a bad thing.

However...

Do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of those needs that a woman seem to want - Hot and secure?

No.

what do you think then is the best thing to do.

Don't lie about it. Don't hide the information. Tell the guy you are choosing him because he is the secure option. Tell him that you have other options that you do consider more hot/more fun.

That s the kind of thing that a guy should know in order to be properly informed before deciding if he wants to commit.

There are men that are ok with women chosing them because of security, I am one of them. But if I was not one of them I would like to know about that huge dealbreaker before things get serious.

Talkytalktalk · 2019-04-17T01:16:23+00:00

yep. the conundrum of beta bux. this is textbook.

alpha fux isnt a choice. beta bux is.

mgtow.

Xemnas81 · 2019-04-16T23:23:39+00:00

Mature women who have not been utterly corrupted by modern narcissism accept that loyalty to their committed and dependable SO in later life is a fair trade-off for their SMP privilege in youth.

Do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of those needs that a woman seem to want - Hot and secure? If not, what do you think then is the best thing to do.

So 'Alpha' is Sexiness, the raw dimorphic appeal of reproducing with this man, and 'Beta' is Security value for raising children, as well as the ability to soothe and validate her emotions and intellect, her essential humanity despite vagina. That emotional intelligence helps with being a dad, btw.

'Omega' is Childishness and Creepiness, turn-offs.

The average husband needs to total at least 10. So 5 for Sexy 5 for Security. Or 8 for Security 2 for Sexy.

Hypergamy will always seek perfect 10s on both counts...sensible adults do not cling onto petty childhood entitlement. Sensible women will settle and stay loyal.

Ditto sensible men, btw. The fear of being the BB is largely related to changes to the SMP under Feminism

Exceptions: Abuse, severe incompatibility issues, widows/widowers

reluctantly_red · 2019-04-17T01:10:44+00:00

This is why going forward I absolutely refuse to play the beta provider role. I will only ever consider a LTR with a woman who can and does provide for herself.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-04-17T11:41:34+00:00

But she will be struggling against her desire for the rest of her life. When the secure guy packs on a few extra pounds, struggles in his career, fails a few shit tests, and loses some of his youthful exuberance, he's a sitting duck to be cheated on a divorce-raped. All because he lived his life in a way that provides for himself, his wife, and presumably his kids. And when shit does hit the fan, society will assume it was his fault. It's the latter half of the story that makes men bitter and leads them to the red pill.

wattwatty · 2019-04-17T02:51:23+00:00

Of course we understand the woman's reasoning But, to know it and to allow it to happen means living an unexamined life. Such a life is not worth living. Period.

Edit: I realized I didn't answer your secondary questions.

No: almost no men meet both preferences. If a woman is completely honest--"I'm not attracted to you, but we work well together."--then I'm ok with whatever she wants to do. If dude figures the deal is good enough after getting symmetric information, so be it.

gnat6 · 2019-04-17T08:01:44+00:00

Men do this too. When they are looking for a partner; yes they may look for a hot, kind of dumb girl to sleep around with - but when they are ready, they want to find the submissive, can hold a conversation, secure (whether it's in likelyhood to divorce or cheat) everyone is looking out for themselves and a partner that can supply those needs with the less risk (whatever that means to them) as possible.

Youfre doing that thing women do where they think the only guys that exist are the ones theyfre attracted to.

Men don't really do that. Some men do. The ones that are attractive enough to have their choice of women. And some guys only want the porn stars. But most of the guys I know fell hard for average women. They really wanted them, when they got an average girfriend they were really happy. They were not constantly hoping to get with a hotter chick. They would have enjoyed that and its a huge ego boost but it didn't matter. What they wanted was their girl. They really did. Its a shock to learn she doesn't even think or feel that way. That youfre a placeholder. That difference is why guys need the red pill to explain to them that women love differently, don't really love at all by the definition feel that word has.

But, do you understand why some women choose to do so?

Yes. That's what the red pill is in a nutshell. Understanding that exact point.

So men. I get why being the secure option is an insult. Especially since you're comparing your value to someone who is most likely hotter than you. It's a self esteem hit.

You keep seeing it through a women's frame. The self esteem hit is not what matters. Its there and it hurts but its irrelevant. Men have concepts that matter a lot more than their self esteem. Amongst those are how social bonding is "supposed" to work. To learn that women don't use those processes and think completely differently, particularly your woman is a huge betrayal. It forces a guy to put women in a different category of person. The behrayal is more like if your partner told you that they had another secret family theyfve been secretly spending half their time with. The ego shock is hard, but the faking their entile identity and making an absolute sham of what your relationship is baned on is the betrayal. Looking at it from an ego thing is missing the point.

Do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of those needs that a woman seem to want - Hot and secure? If not, what do you think then is the best thing to do.

No-one seems to know. Technology has created a situation we are not evolved to live in. It sucks and there are no good answers, at least, at the moment. Technology or some kind of radical change to nociety might change that. But today the answer is, it will suck, and the only way the system can keep going is if most men continue to be unaware. But that is unstable and seems to be eroding almost by the day.

mgtow_1 · 2019-04-17T00:26:50+00:00

It's really simple. Male and female sexual strategies are different and opposed to one another. Societal changes have freed most women from many of the traditional constraints placed on their sexual strategy. Society has not done the same for most men. In fact in many ways society has increased the constraints on the male sexual strategy. With many of these being the consequences from freeing women of their constraints.

So of course we understand why women do what they do, but they are doing it at our expense.

DragoonXFury · 2019-04-16T23:51:26+00:00

"But I am still conflicted. Should I see the other guy on the side?"

I almost died of laughter when I got to this part... I would have pulled my earphones back too. It makes perfect sense why women do it.

Fortunately, I like to think of "settling" more as "compromise" as you can't have everything from one person realistically (I would think one should find a "happy" medium).

So it makes perfect sense that I wouldn't be the most attractive, most charming, best lover to any woman I end up being with but what she said was totally inconsiderate, insensitive and disrespectful.

I know my sister or mother would have definitely reacted the same way too. My sister would probably text me this incident if she witnessed it.

My mother tells me stories like this all the time though, it's hilarious!

Bntt89 · 2019-04-17T03:04:32+00:00

Ya it’s literally the same thing as a guy choosing a women for being sexy. It just proves that at some level both men and women are shallow to some extent. What’s also annoying is that some women(probably this one) think that they are gifts to these guys.

And yes a guy can be both. Isn’t that what those hottest men things are like guys like Brad Pitt. But another question is do ALL women really deserve this?

MisterJose · 2019-04-17T04:03:24+00:00

Yes, I get it, my only issue is when it's hypocritical and inconsistent when coupled with ideas about gender equality. I can't go out and find a safe girl with a high income if I want to, it doesn't work that way. Yet we make huge noise about equality in the workplace, salary differences, less female CEO's, etc. The two paradigms simply cannot coexist, you have to pick one or the other. If women are going to making the same money, AND have this other advantage they are free to exploit, we're going to have a very unstable and unhappy society.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2019-04-17T07:26:15+00:00

"should I continue seeing the other guy on the side"?? Fine even with everything else, I can't believe you're asking us to understand this!! Are you fucking kidding me? I always knew a part of trp and MGTOW was poisonous but to see reasonable people support this & attempt to justify it makes me rethink about why their ideologies exist.

Disgusting. This is what's called manipulation and usage. Shame on you.

diffdedbed · 2019-04-17T14:19:36+00:00

I kinda wonder why these questions tend to always be male based but not female?

What I mean is that very fun and attractive women can do better than average or boring women.

Sometimes I feel these subs are just men whining that they are not pretty boys. I personally would much rather be a ugly man than an ugly woman, as I can as a man improve my status while ugly and it matters to women, unlike status for an ugly woman.

So the beauty queen settles for you, you still have that option.

Women don't.

NeedingAdvice86 · 2019-04-17T15:38:40+00:00

Hamstering…..

This girl didn't choose the stable guy because she really thought it was in her best long term future...she stayed with the dud because of two reasons:

1) the hot dude pumped and dumped her \ would be gone as soon as his next piece of interesting ass came around the corner.

2) the dud showed that he wasn't going any damn where regardless of her behavior so why not use him, fuck any number of random dudes and finally drop his cuck ass when some better option comes alone.

She is just painting getting pumped and dumped by the hot guy as some virtuous\long term decision-making behavior on her part....she likely has even convinced herself that this is the case UNTIL the hot guy is drunk as shit 2 months down the line, hits her up at 2am to drop a load and she will make an excuse for dudey Donald about needing to go help a drunk GF....

She isn't choosing dudely Donald for the long term....he is her cuck and she knows it....and to that doofus, she is EVEN less attractive to him now than before and he will get even worst sex\treatment\respect than before....he will wonder why she has suddenly become such a bitch and dismissive toward him when she "should" be so much more in love since he "showed" how he loved the real her.....doofus, that one. That girl is disgusted by her dudey Donald.

Moldy_Gecko · 2019-04-17T09:32:56+00:00

Everyone of those women are rolling their eyes in public as far as kind of "saving face" goes. But best believe they all do the same shit. Even you admitted that you'd probably do it. This is a prime example of AFBB. The chick will continue to cheat, nothing gonna change that. She's already shown she has little self-control and probably minimal value, which is why she needs a beta bux. But everyone from TRP understands WHY they do it. But to be one of those guys, to us, is an insult. It means we're failing and not following what TRP has been teaching us, which is be the Alpha Fux.

TRP has never been, "women do it, but we don't". We just discuss how to take advantage of the things that attract women to men. That being said, I know that I stay with my gf for security. She makes a fuck-ton of money, is cosigner for my house and car, and is someone that if I stick with until retirement, I'll be set. That being said, I've not been faithful to her for even 1 day. In fact, the day after we became a couple, I had a ONS. So yes, I get it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna change my perception of women that do it. Especially since we have different reasons for doing it.

To answer your question, there aren't many men that can fulfill both requirements. If you're top 20%, why settle, if you're bottom 80%, you're not the one settling. However, I find it really weird that when I was married (and secure), I would have been the bottom 80%. Now, I haven't changed looks-wise, just upped my game, and I'm top 20%. The fact that something like a little change in game and confidence can take you from being a guy that doesn't have a choice into a guy with too many choices is beyond me. When it comes to guys, I don't think we can drastically change our view on a women because they learned how to socialize better. It's an oddity to me.

N0blesse0blige · 2019-04-17T00:20:12+00:00

When they are looking for a partner; yes they may look for a hot, kind of dumb girl to sleep around with - but when they are ready, they want to find the submissive, can hold a conversation, secure (whether it's in likelyhood to divorce or cheat) everyone is looking out for themselves and a partner that can supply those needs with the less risk (whatever that means to them) as possible.

This is projection. Men look for the hot girl (but smart, or as a smart as he can match) when he wants to settle down. Higher investment —> higher standards for looks.

For women it is conversely: Less investment received —> higher standards for looks.

Don’t be the girl who thinks men want a man-woman. Stable, secure, good career, good education, 30 +. That’s what women want in men when they settle down.

Men have higher standards for looks when they settle down than for casual sex. Women have lower standards for looks when they settle down than for casual sex. Get it rightz

KeyWeek · 2019-04-17T00:35:09+00:00

do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of these needs (hot and secure)...?

No, because the hot guy will be hit on by other women, this causing insecurity in the woman, even if he is totally loyal and would never stray.

The fact that the woman knew she had security is probably why she was open... no risk for her.

Wallstreet3 · 2019-04-17T01:00:23+00:00

This is akin to being the safe, secure woman who cooks the meals, takrd care of the house and all that. Then one day you realize your guys has a hot, fun, sexy sidepiece.

GameplayDoSabao · 2019-04-17T08:19:46+00:00

Bullsh*t!

"I would like to point I am not defending her."

Yes, you are! Even worst than cheating is to use up another person, faking your true intentions.

Also there is a legal term for that, it calls STELIONATE.

Mister_Mask · 2019-04-17T09:09:16+00:00

Everyone understands why. None of this is new information. It doesn’t make the behaviour any less revolting.

0kool74 · 2019-04-17T12:46:45+00:00

I don't really care what their reasoning is. I'm not second choice for anyone. If I even catch a whiff that i'm the "secure", not "fun" guy, she's instantly gone. Reasoning be damned! If she wants her Alpha Fucks, then she can go find it and spread her legs for it.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-04-17T12:48:14+00:00

Bear in mind that a secure guy is going to want a secure girl. If she's cheating/fucked a lot of guys/may well get pregnant with a kid who's not his, then she's not secure herself.

That's the problem with this sort of dual mating strategy. Whoever in the couple is pulling it off is "winning", whichever one is the "secure" one is "losing", if both fucked around than neither is secure and it's not dual mating strategy.

Only truly winning move is two secure people marrying each other.

It's prisoners' dilemma point for point.

bonusfruit · 2019-04-17T16:10:51+00:00

Every time I see these egalitarian 'men do it too'isms, I have to call it out. Men do not engage in alpha fucks beta bucks. They don't occupy the same selector role as women and are not driven to make the same choices even when they are the rare guy that has high smv.

Women fuck hot guys and use providers for provisions. There are no alpha or beta women. Just women, who will generally act this way to the extent their culture and circumstances allow.

Men are divided into alpha and beta. Alpha can and will fuck whomever: hot, decent, even fugly. Little to no parental investment. He's gone. He doesn't settle. Betas go from fucking no one to settling with whomever will accept his provisions and parental investment.

This is why men-do-it-too-ism is misleading

darksoldierk · 2019-04-18T02:27:07+00:00

> But, do you understand why some women choose to do so?

Truthfully, the answer to your questions is "no, no I don't". I don't know any man who looked for a "submissive, can hold a conversation" woman, but the one non-physical quality that the vast vast majority of men look for is loyalty. Loyalty is not the same as secure. Security is not a personality trait. When a woman says "secure" she isn't talking about a guy's personality, she's talking about his ability to provide her and her kids with resources. When a guy says "loyalty", he isn't talking about a woman's ability to provide resources, he's talking about her ability to love him and stay with him.

> Do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of those needs that a woman seem to want - Hot and secure? If not, what do you think then is the best thing to do.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect men to live up to that standard. It's as unreasonable for women to expect men to live up to that standard as it is for men to expect woman to be a career woman AND be a housewife at the same time. Being "secure" by definition, means someone is risk averse. There are those who are secure because they are not risk averse, but that's not the norm. Not being risk averse means you are going to become a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, an engineer an architect etc etc. Those are the people that are "secure", and those people need to dedicate a significant period of their lives to get anywhere in their career. I am in one of those professions, and I work 12-18 hour days, 6 days a week. I know many people like this. They studied 5-12 years of their lives, they work 12-16 hour days, they go to the gym for a half hour or an hour, 3 days a week and that's all they have time for. They can't be gym rats.

What I'm trying to say is this; I am who I am. I value knowledge, I value what I do,and I have dedicated a significant portion of my life to what I do. I am willing to dedicate a similar part of my life for my girlfriend, but I need to know that she values me for who I am, not for the resources that come with who I am. She needs to value the person that earned those benefits, not the benefits themselves. My girlfriend does not share my knowledge, what I know isn't what she knows, what I earn isn't what she earns, who I am isn't who she is, I am me, and women need to understand that. It's the man's earnings, not the relationship's earnings. It's the man's knowledge, not the relationship's knowledge. What I fail to understand is how, or why, women believe otherwise, why they feel like they are entitled to the benefits of a man's work instead of loving the man for the traits that allowed him to do the work that he does.

Men do it for looks. They do it because, for those men, they have the opportunity and they know that opportunity doesn't come easy. For women it's easy, for men it isn't. Men value something that women don't work for. I'm sorry, say what you will, but a woman doesn't have to do much to look hot. She isn't earning it, she isn't dedicated a decade to it, she is inherently given something that men love, that men value.

Those are my thoughts.

[deleted] · 2019-04-18T08:58:23+00:00

Understanding doesn't make it less insulting.

MGTOWKapow · 2019-04-18T15:47:05+00:00

Do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of those needs that a woman seem to want - Hot and secure? If not, what do you think then is the best thing to do.

No, which is why the "where are all the GOOD men" thing is a thing.

MMDT · 2019-04-16T23:07:58+00:00

Why on earth do you think men don't understand this? Lmao what the hell is this thread

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TheBookOfSeil · 2019-04-16T23:35:40+00:00

Women that choose secure men do so because those women are mostly insecure. Bottom line.

(Plus, security = comfortable)

welcometothejl · 2019-04-17T00:57:17+00:00

I honestly wouldn't care one bit, but in order for me to be the secure guy you have to meet my standards. Otherwise I'm really neither guy. I may not be hot, but I take care of myself and can provide a good lifestyle. I think a lot of women see me as having secure guy potential, but I just see them as short term fun based on the lack of what they bring into a relationship. And yes, with that mindset I'm prepared to be single. If you can find a guy that you like and you're confident that he will never cheat, you should definitely choose him.

PlainSlim · 2019-04-17T01:27:30+00:00

If the secure guy isn't 100% content with a girl who doesn't view him as the fun/sexy/adventurous boyfriend ....isn't he settling as well?

Daerrol · 2019-04-17T03:09:39+00:00

I fail to see why Fun and Secure need to be separate ideas at all.

wobbleelbbow · 2019-04-17T05:51:46+00:00

Yes we do. Yawn. And women are allowed to have such preferences and I don't feel the least bitter about it.

Pope_Lucious · 2019-04-17T06:51:34+00:00

Women only can probe behavior. Your model is predicated on signs for secure guy actually = secure guy.

Behaviorally this is ridiculous in the context of the internet.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2019-04-17T07:29:30+00:00

Ofc we all understand why it happens. The reason for all these pills existence is to make us understand.

kanarisblog · 2019-04-17T08:37:07+00:00

I don't mind being the "secure" guy granted if I'm viewed as competent a lover as the "fun" guy.

BigMarvelChickenman · 2019-04-17T09:48:10+00:00

Just protect yourself, but have fun.

Worrying all the time is not a healthy lifestyle. Just trust yourself and if not ask reliable people for advice, most are willing to help.

Also guys need to learn how to dress better no GoT meme shirts unless u are jacked

abaxeron · 2019-04-17T12:09:18+00:00

I will tell you though, that the looks around the salon and the side eyes she was getting meant that many women disapproved of her actions. Me being one of them.

Irrelevant; sorry, you're not getting a round of applause from me.

everyone is looking out for themselves and a partner that can supply those needs with the less risk (whatever that means to them) as possible.

Yes; women choose someone who will do stuff for them; men choose someone who is less likely to betray them.

do you understand why some women choose to do so?

Because working and earning for yourself and your children is not nice, not pleasant, not something that you want to do.

Because being with someone that you CANNOT betray and take their belongings away with you (because they have none) doesn't tickle your power nerve and makes it harder for you to blackmail and emotionally abuse them.

Because a simp is more likely to forgive cheating and betrayal, and a non-simp with experience and options is more likely to invoke experience and options.

Except I don't think that "security" or "settling" is a proper word for this. It's a power trip.

I perfectly understand all of this; and I understand why so many men decide to ignore these red flags - they are projecting. They love women, and they think that loving the opposite sex is normal and natural for all humans. What I don't understand is how men are more likely to get diagnosed with psychopathy in these conditions.

donkeydodo · 2019-04-17T12:22:25+00:00

Easily said, this is female nature; yes I understand why she does it.

yardbird98 · 2019-04-17T12:36:22+00:00

The whole principle behind why marginal revenue is not equal to average revenue is that the reduction of price to sell more of a good or service causes unit revenue to decline on every good or service that the firm is trying to sell. Or in English, you could probably sell a billionaire an apple for $1,000,000 if that was the only apple on earth being sold, but if you just sold apples to everyone for $10, that same billionaire probably wouldn’t be willing to spend $1,000,000 for one anymore. Applying that theory to the dating world, why would any man give a woman a significant amount of his resources for some boring starfish sex when she gave her full love, affection, and enthusiastic sex to the guy who was just “fun.” To use your career analogy, why would McDonalds pay an employee more than their previous job to flip burgers just because they used to work in finance. Now obviously there is a lot of leeway when applying this concept as the many simps willing to wife up sluts will prove, but hopefully this helped to illustrate mens’ frustrations with this mercenary mentality women like to have, and why I have no sympathy for it.

siymjbd · 2019-04-17T12:55:50+00:00

I'm just a lurker here but I'll respond to this as it speaks to me. My gf was promiscuous in college. I was more reserved and only had a couple lucky one night stands. I'm not ugly but I'm not a Chad either. I went to college, got experience in my field, and now have a stable job and career. I know deep down she settled for me and it sucks knowing she had all the fun while I was working to advance myself. But such is life, not always fair to you.

[deleted] · 2019-04-17T13:49:16+00:00

I understand why some choose it, everyone wants to have the best of both worlds. Knowing that you are on the genetically disadvantageous end of another persons dual mating strategy still stings though. If it didnt our dna would be bad at its job

I understand why some men have side chicks, doesnt mean I approve of it

dicklord_airplane · 2019-04-17T14:28:38+00:00

This really shows the difference between the first and 2nd/3rd worlds. Im guessing that the nail tech was a foreigner, probably from southeast asia? Women from those countries don't really have a choice to sleep with "fun" guys because the risk of poverty is so great without a rich husband. The first world women who patron the nail salon gave the side eye because our women have so much more economic opportunity and don't need a rich husband to live comfortably.

Choose the stable guy. You can always divorce him if you get bored, and you will come out with good finances.

HeavyMeringue · 2019-04-17T16:36:50+00:00

Alpha fucks,beta bucks.Even if you are an alpha male in a relationship,the fact that you provide for her emotional and financial stability as well is enough to turn you into a Beta male provider in her eyes.Nuff said.

Christian_Kong · 2019-04-17T16:42:48+00:00

But, do you understand why some women choose to do so?

Yes because secure guy will be a good person to support them emotionally, financially, etc.

Most people end up being in their 9-5 routine for the security.

%90 or so of the population is unhappy with their jobs.

Do you think there is an abundance of men who can fulfill both of those needs that a woman seem to want - Hot and secure?

No. They usually get their choice of woman with little effort if they want to date and if they don't want to date they are not secure.

I think a lot of resentment is that "secure" guy looks at "fun" guy and sees no area where the two have anything in common, but were "fun" guy to be able to provide financial and emotional security, woman would drop him for "fun" guy in no time.

Stahlboden · 2019-04-17T18:43:19+00:00

I don't understand the point of this post.

why some women choose to do so?

Because they want both AF and BB and since it's hard to get both from a single guy they use dual mating strategy. It's not rocket science. How does understaning of women's motives changes anything?

DiscombobulatedSalt2 · 2019-04-18T03:42:29+00:00

Make your fucking mind. Be honest. And do not blame others for your choice. It is called being adult.

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-04-18T11:57:23+00:00

I think you answered your own question, hun.

Henchman20 · 2019-04-18T21:53:48+00:00

I'm surprised not more people chose to stay alone. It's easier then ever.

HeavyMeringue · 2019-04-20T15:37:45+00:00

I would rather go mgtow than be the secure choice of some broad.I do not need the conundrum.

tgertcher · 2019-04-22T04:59:41+00:00

I understand. I understand why a mosquito sucks blood, or a botfly larva burrows, or a tapeworm enters the stomach. A parasite is a parasite, after all.

furcryingoutloud · 2019-04-23T03:21:49+00:00

Her guy told her that she needs to choose between him or the other one, if not, he is leaving.

I bet he felt like a real badass when he said that to her. An even bigger badass when she told him she chose him. This poor sap will never be anything other than a second choice.

Being a provider, or secure is most definitely not the problem here. Accepting that his girlfriend likes someone else enough to put their relationship in peril and giving her a choice is what denigrates a person to non status.

maplehobo · 2019-04-17T00:50:04+00:00

Yes I understand it

Title	Hot guy vs Secure guy : Men, i understand why being the secure guy is an insult. But do you understand why some women chose it?
Author	throwawayemotions34
Upvotes	41
Comments	576
Date	April 16, 2019 10:58 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/be0g4f/hot_guy_vs_secure_guy_men_i_understand_why_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/hot-guy-vs-secure-guy-men-i-understand-why-being.256193 https://theredarchive.com/post/256193

Comments

I fail to see why Fun and Secure need to be separate ideas at all.