I understand the angle you're coming from. From an early point in my life, everyone around me communicated to me through both words and actions that I'm not attractive, or not "conventionally attractive" if they feel like negging. I've been in many situations where I felt if I were more attractive, I'd be allowed to set boundaries. Or I'd be more worthy of love, respect, attention, what have you.

I used to think that if I just had less boundaries, complied with whatever my partner wanted, and made sure he was happy, he'd "look past my un-attractiveness" and be happy to have a loving, loyal girlfriend.

NOPE!

NOPE NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Every time I made myself think like that, lowered my boundaries and standards, I allowed someone to dehumanize me. To humiliate me, make me feel so much less. I thought that if I just tolerated it, I wouldn't be lonely. I was far, far more lonely coupled with these assholes than I was when I was single. The coercion, isolation, abuse... It was a nightmare, time and time again.

So maybe I'm unattractive, but no one has the right to make me feel less than, no one has the right to take my time, money, effort, or dignity.

If he doesn't find me attractive, he can stay away! He doesn't have to come to me, try shit manipulative tactics to trauma bond, and then make me feel like trash for being unattractive.

FDS made me realise that any high value man would respect women he doesn't consider attractive, even if he wouldn't date them. And a high value person isn't necessarily a vogue model, but someone who treats people right, and with respect. This isn't clapping back on physical preferences, everyone has the right to date someone they are attracted to, that's only fair. But respect is a baseline, it's a minimum. If anyone doesn't finds anyone attractive, it's incredibly low value to date them for pity, or to power trip, or feel better about themselves.

What I'm saying is that, being "unattractive"isn't a green light for men to be abusive to you, and only you can enforce the boundaries that ensure that you are either treated with respect, or you cut the poison people out of your life. Romance is lovely, and love is lovely, but neither are worth dehumanizing treatment.

Take care loves 💓

Edit: grammar and spelling