How long have you guys stayed single?

Personal-Amphibian35 · 2024-06-15T18:53:42+00:00

Best advice~ Don’t become bitter. Some men who remain single likely are in the closet. Not natural to be single for long periods without a steady partner. If so, they are either hiding behind their “kid”, using excuses like I love my freedom or they could be narcs who simply only think of themselves and can’t share their lives, or have intimacy issues. Who knows but don’t stay on the bitter train. Most well rounded healthy individuals have a full life to share or want to share.

Easy_Detail_8429 · 2024-03-11T05:58:46+00:00

There is nothing wrong with you. We are socially conditioned to believe that being in a relationship is the “right” way to be and that anyone who prefers to be single must have something wrong with them. It is possible to be prefer being single for healthy reasons.

petert84 · 2024-03-06T08:15:39+00:00

39 male, I've been divorced for 2 yrs. Even with a friend with benefits, relationships are stressful. Stay single if you can't commit. I'm waiting for my 2 kids to finish high school before I commit to anyone.

saygrace2 · 2024-03-05T21:24:09+00:00

Been divorced for 2 years and I’m just like you. I can’t bring myself to become emotionally attached to someone.

DivorceCoachTeddy · 2024-03-05T20:24:43+00:00

For me, it was less than a year, but this could differ for different people; some of us take longer to reflect and heal. I felt I had done enough work, and what helped me move forward was a single thought: when someone decides to end things with you, what they are effectively communicating is that their life is simply better without you in it. So, it was an easy choice.

Like you, I dated a lot, but this time I was also dating with my little girl in mind. It’s not just about who I’m attracted to but also about whether she is a good woman, a good fit for both my kid and me. For a long time, I didn’t connect with anyone either. Full disclosure: I even felt limp with some women I initially found physically attractive. I thought I was just getting a bit older and those things happen.

Then one day, I took a trip to Stockholm and met the real love of my life, in a restaurant by the old town square. I never gave up; that was either my stubbornness or my superpower, depending on who you ask. Some doors close on us so that better ones can open; we have to have faith.

Theedon · 2024-03-05T16:17:31+00:00

Going on 9 years now. I tried the online dating. Meet a few women, but I mentally wasn't ready. The last woman I saw 2 years ago was nice, but I didn't feel any connection. It was a coast to coast fling, and when she called it off, I just said "Ok". I got two labs a year ago and they file the void. I am an introvert, taking them to the dog park is the closest I get to socializing with people.

AStirlingMacDonald · 2024-03-05T15:40:24+00:00

I’m almost five years out and still quite happy with just casual encounters. Have not felt the urge to start a dedicated new relationship again. fwiw, my marriage ended with my ex having affairs with two of my (at the time) “closest friends” in a five year period (first affair, five years of “reconciliation,” second affair, divorce), so I suppose it’s possible that it’s due to some amount of emotional scarring, but at the same time… I feel the mentally healthiest I’ve ever felt in my adult life. I’m just enjoying my independence more than I ever thought I would.

I also have three younger kids and two grandsons that I’ve been focusing my attention on, and I’m not really interested in taking attention away from them to invest in a serious romantic relationship.

What you’re feeling is normal and healthy. Don’t let society pressure you into codependent concepts like “all you need is love,” or into thinking that you’re somehow worth less as a single man than you would be in a relationship.

DannyboyRN · 2024-03-05T15:28:29+00:00

Divorced three months ago. Within a week of divorce being finalized a gal from my social circle hit me up, but she has some red flags I am choosing to avoid.

I got saddled with a large amount of credit card debt that my ex-wife accrued during the marriage. The responsible thing in my mind is to continue to live with my family so that I can put all of my extra money towards paying that off.

The downside is the shame of having to tell a potential date that I live with my parents. "hey baby wanna go back to my parent's basement". no way.

I want to date, but will wait the 9 months it will take to pay off this debt and then buy my own house.

deenath247 · 2024-03-05T13:14:28+00:00

Get over divorce before getting your leg over. Coming up to 4 years.

It’s often unfair on the other person. Ex Drama, stress , anxiety Can be a deal breaker for potential partners.

Impressive_Fill_3850 · 2024-03-05T12:40:40+00:00

Not long enough. Wish I was single again.

sir_coltonius · 2024-03-05T07:54:19+00:00

My divorce isn’t even legalized yet and I’m already lovey dovey 😂 the important thing is to do what (and who) makes you happy. If you want love go find it, if you want solitude, you might as well build a castle for yourself with a big moat. Either one is good in my eyes keeping in mind that positive relationships increase your lifespan.

Kingcyprus1 · 2024-03-05T04:56:09+00:00

A psychiatrist friend of mine told me it usually takes 2 years to get over a long relationship.

LongjumpingApple7974 · 2024-03-05T04:04:52+00:00

I got divorced, waited about that year and a half, and I’m pretty sure it’s going right back down the shitter again. I’m pretty sure this was my last go at it all.

Sthompson1965 · 2024-03-05T02:23:52+00:00

Don’t force or rush it, it will happen in due course. Continue to work on yourself

matthewcoy · 2024-03-05T01:12:09+00:00

I got divorced in 2006 I dated a woman for about a year in 2021 but other than that nothing I live with a doggo no real desire to get married again, I don't want to lose half my stuff again

Proudlymediocre · 2024-03-05T00:25:10+00:00

I was single for 3 months before dating. Dated every day for a few weeks before meeting an awesome woman. We’re married now. It’s great.

My marriage was deeply dissatisfying for me. A dead bedroom, I made the money, raised the kids, did most of the domestic work. The last year was hell and I was in therapy. By the time the end came I was so relieved and probably started dating earlier than average. It worked for me. I wish I’d divorced my first wife 20 years ago. Marriage shouldn’t be one sided. My wife now has shown me how amazing marriage can be.

xjeeperx · 2024-03-05T00:22:44+00:00

I’m at 2 years. Mostly focused on rebuilding my life, I’ve considered dating, but at the end of the days I know it will just complicate and slow down my process. So I haven’t spent any really time trying to develop a relationship.

darweter_DPI · 2024-03-04T17:55:51+00:00

Started dating 6 months after separation. Had a whole bunch of short-term relationships but that's about it. The main issue of being an adult experienced/divorced male is that you see most red flags and potential issues arising in the relationship right away, well in advance of them being manifested. The death of naivete, which is for the best if you really think about it.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2024-03-05T00:01:50+00:00

Going on 5 years single now. It’s not what I expected, but I’m not terribly disappointed.

WanderingJokerGypsy · 2024-03-04T22:57:02+00:00

I've been divorced for close to 20 years and single from my last relationship for 8 years

SummerRound · 2024-03-04T22:31:57+00:00

Single for 5 months. Then found a girl who ticked all the boxes. Our mutual attraction is extremely strong. Did not see this coming. I was prepared to be alone for years.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-04T22:27:37+00:00

Enjoy the dating scene. Date with no expectations. You're not looking for a mate but looking for a friend to have fun with. There is no hurry. Dating is mostly luck. Trust me.

Complicatedlogic · 2024-03-04T21:50:41+00:00

I’m also at about 1.5 years. Maybe I’m projecting, but is it possible that you just have a better idea of your worth and not willing to fall for just anyone? We have a second chance, maybe subconsciously you’re making the best of being single and filtering out people that wouldn’t be good life partners.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2024-03-04T21:42:18+00:00

I was single before her and single since.Im not dating either nor I attractive enough nor I stabil financially so guess I stay this for a while now.

mrk177 · 2024-03-04T20:54:41+00:00

Dude I feel the same way. I’m coming up on 3 years myself. I dated a lot year one but really wasn’t ready. Didn’t meet anyone that truly gave me the butterflies.

Year two I dated a woman for 6 months, we really didn’t see each other much due to conflicting schedules. She was cool and I liked her but she didn’t tick all the boxes and didn’t excite me much.

I haven’t dated much since and really don’t feel up to it. I get lonely from time to time but that dissipates as soon as I start thinking about dating.

egomaniacpancakes · 2024-03-04T20:17:46+00:00

Separated in 2022 and divorced. I haven’t dated. I looked but honestly i don’t wanna date someone with kids that need to be raised still. And that seems to be my only option. My daughter is grown so no need for my partners to raise my kid.

At this point I probably qualify for monk status. It’s not that I don’t wanna date just not really ready to do the whole relationship thing yet. I just try and stay happy solo.

flinderdude · 2024-03-04T19:50:40+00:00

Oh I’m the same way. Late 40s. I’ve pretty much given up, not because I’ve given up on love or whatever, just I’ve given up thinking I will meet someone that will fit into my life and improve it. I have a pretty darn good life with my daughter and my job and my friends. I can’t imagine a woman coming in and making a net overall positive improvement. I’d have to sacrifice some thing, and it would not be fun. That’s probably a theme of my dating life as a whole is I have never found a woman who consistently improved my life. Most women have made my life more complicated and harder.

judasholio · 2024-03-04T19:27:54+00:00

Divorce trauma is real. Maybe that love bug will never return. But, that’s okay, as long as your basic needs of social companionship are met.

TALL-TOTH · 2024-03-04T19:16:15+00:00

9 years. 100% solo. Red pilled and will never date again.

JuneCleaversMudFlaps · 2024-03-04T19:05:40+00:00

in the past 25 years, the longest i have been single is 6 months. Currently on a 3 month stint. I am definitely not looking and plan to stay single for as long as possible.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-03-04T19:04:10+00:00

A few months about 5 years ago, longest I was single. Probably give it some time this gone around. Working on me and trying to work through my mental health issues. I think the worst of it is over. Now the real work can start. Joined the gym today, going to therapy, taking to God. I'm gonna be the man I was always supposed to be

rhett342 · 2024-03-04T19:01:41+00:00

A year and half. It I haven't really been looking. I had a chance for a physical fling last spring, but even though we were separated, I was still technically married, so it just didn't feel right to I passed on it. There were a few other women that i thought "maybe" but nothing ever ended up happening.

dadplup · 2024-03-04T18:58:23+00:00

2 years since finalizing the divorce and I still have no plans to date anyone really, every time the subject comes up among my friends I don't know what to say, I've had a hookup or two but nothing. I don't want to be some but my anxiety about the subject gets the best of me

chrishooley · 2024-03-04T18:55:35+00:00

Had a casual fling with an ex, but beside that, it's been a little over a year and I still don't think I'm ready yet. I don't wanna get clingy, and I'm still not myself yet. I'm over my ex, but not the betrayal. My life was pretty full and I am still adjusting to my new normal.

Seldation · 2024-03-04T18:47:17+00:00

I was single for about a month.

I also checked out of the relationship 4 years ago and decided to start working on myself and grieving the end of my relationship 6 months before our divorce. I couldn’t get her to bring it back. I did all the end of relationship moving on before it had ended. I was ready to start sharing all the love I have pretty fast.

NilEntity · 2024-03-04T18:13:29+00:00

Been around a year since the separation started, i.e., the relationship ended. Did nothing dating-wise in that time, wanted to take the recommended year off, that's gonna be in June (since divorce).
The first couple months wasn't a problem (in this regard), sadness, probably some depression etc., all that killed my libido, had the head full off other things, problems.
Recently I started craving sex again though, more than the rest of a relationship, for now. But I'm .... apprehensive about the idea dating, can't see myself hitting on a woman, engaging in flirty conversation etc.

Recently online I got more or less an offer for a ONS, something I'd been looking for, or thought I was. But when it was actually there for the taking ... I was a deer in headlights, didn't know what to do (profile since got deleted, so who knows if it was real, but my own reaction to it was ... interesting, telling).

I think I'm over her, the ex, as a partner, but maybe I'm not sufficiently over the whole relationship, the divorce etc.

I'm amazed how many of you guys managed to not get back into dating or hookups, and apparently successfully at that, and quickly. I have no idea what I'm gonna do, I don't know how to be with another woman.

Classic_Dill · 2024-03-04T18:05:17+00:00

I have had only about 5 emotions for the last three years, this is normal with trauma, we may get those feelings back? we may not, only time will tell. Right now,those lost feelings and emotions seem like protection personally. I went to my psychiatrist and told her, i dont feel much of anything, and she told me when the right women comes along, ill start to slowly release those feelings again, i think that make sense. Don't force it and just let nature slowly heal you, your chances of meeting your next Big thing this soon after divorce is very unlikely, if you put in the work like i did (2 years) you know what you want and need in a person, which narrows the dating field down even more. I have had a few crying women so far though, doesn't make me happy, but they aren't mad at me either. I made a rule New Years of 2024, i will be going on no more dates, unless I'm actually somewhat excited about the date.

AdrianInLimbo · 2024-03-04T18:03:20+00:00

Almost 4 years so far. I have a woman I met thru work, in a similar situation from a fucked up divorce, where we fill each other's needs here and there, in good with that and nothing more after the shit show of my marriage.

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-03-04T17:49:24+00:00

Not long. I had two long-term relationships that both started while I was waiting for my divorce to go through (took 2.5 years). I've been in the second one for over 2 years now.

jimsmythee · 2024-03-04T17:34:09+00:00

I was single for almost 3 years. I had been in a dead bedroom with my exwife, and when I filed, I moved out. I started dating. Met some nice girls. Met some absolute train wrecks. But hell, I have to admit I didn't meet anyone that was a bigger train wreck than the exwife.

Then I met a nice woman. We clicked. We got married. Still very happy.

Sweet_Strategy_1466 · 2024-03-04T17:31:24+00:00

15 years. Advice to all men: don’t repeat the mistake.

Last-Fact-4195 · 2024-03-04T17:26:38+00:00

1 yr

jjfishers · 2024-03-04T17:22:06+00:00

4 years in and it’s fun or nothing for me. I’m alone but not lonely.

fishingforthought · 2024-03-04T17:19:13+00:00

Two years +. Only looking and having fun . Single life is cheaper and stress free.

thudwhomper · 2024-03-04T17:15:19+00:00

As long as you possibly can.

stacksmasher · 2024-03-04T17:04:43+00:00

Dude you should be banging chicks 2 at a time lol!!

Just don't let them move in or get engaged hahahahahahahahah!!!

They did this to themselves. Enjoy!

occoptionplaya · 2024-03-04T16:50:48+00:00

It's been almost 2 years since I filed. I had a casual relationship for about 10 months and single since then. Not really interested in anything serious, just companionship and sex. Maybe one day a LTR.

Relative_Raisin_5428 · 2024-03-04T16:43:10+00:00

Going on 2 years had some fun but nothing serious

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-03-04T16:17:32+00:00

Been two years come April. I dated a bit back back in Sept-Dec after divorce was official, but like you, just wasn’t feeling it. To be fair, the women I went out probably had something to do with they as well.

But my ex was the only women I’ve dated that I had that spark with. Made me realize the ladies I’d been with before I wasn’t that into, and helps me see now that I’m like ‘eh’

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-04T16:17:27+00:00

A year. I’ve been with a few women and have zero interest in an actual relationship. If you can find a women out of state I think that’s the sweet spot since it keeps the pressure to move the relationship forward to a minimum. In fact I’m purposely avoiding local women simply because I don’t want to accidentally meet one I’ll fall for.

I figure I’ll be the guy at Baskin Robbin’s that samples a bunch of different ice creams and then walks out without buying anything.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-03-04T16:14:19+00:00

Let’s just say I’m waiting for the realistic a.i sex robot to come out

azwildcat74 · 2024-03-04T16:09:35+00:00

I started dating/first date fucking like the week after she told me she wanted a divorce. I went without sex while I was married, I was going to be damned if I did the same now that I was under no obligation to.

Alarmingsize123 · 2024-03-04T16:05:49+00:00

8.5 years. Got custody of our child. focused solely on raising child. Freedom.

Masypha · 2024-03-04T16:02:57+00:00

What about psychedelic therapy?

domo_roboto · 2024-03-04T15:59:38+00:00

Coming up on 1.5 years from sock day but marriage was gone before the pandemic. I'm the same way, it's like the song "no more I love you's"

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-04T15:56:00+00:00

It’s not about time. It’s about finding yourself, friendships and experiencing life. Love is about sharing all of these things.

MysteriousLevel526 · 2024-03-04T15:53:22+00:00

3 years. The ex and her dad took me for $500,000 so I'm out. I'm raising my daughter to be a better human being than those 2 assholes and I don't need any interference from an outsider.

darweter_DPI · 2024-03-04T17:42:56+00:00

Had a whole bunch of short-term relationships but that's about it. The main issue of being an adult experienced/divorced male is that you see most red flags and potential issues arising in the relationship right away, well in advance of them being manifested. The death of naiveté.

Title	How long have you guys stayed single?
Author	proper1welve
Upvotes	62
Comments	113
Date	March 4, 2024 3:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b6dygo/how_long_have_you_guys_stayed_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-have-you-guys-stayed-single.1426189 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426189

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