What are your standards for a proposal and ring etc?

3v3ryR0s3HasItsTh0rn · 2021-05-24T14:00:11+00:00

For me, I would love if they ordered a custom-made ring from someone that handmakes them or forged it on their own with the help of an expert eye. It could be cool if we did the forging together. I would also love something antique that had been altered to my taste. Obviously real gold and gems. Definitely should be my style and simple, yet little flairs of oomph lol.

Ditto on a sentimental location, without the world watching.

Shouldn’t feel overly staged but it is good to see personal thought put into it.

✨🥰🥰🥰

HeavyMetalLobster · 2021-05-24T13:54:16+00:00

When I was a young girl I fell in love with a piece of art. I won’t specify because it is very unique and identifying to me

Anyway. I quickly decided I did not want to be proposed to with a ring. I wanted that art (or a replica because the original is in a museum and priceless)

And that’s what I have told prospective boyfriends. Some laughed and said they’d get me a ring anyway 🤡 and obviously that didn’t last

My current beau, he loved this idea. He ran with it. While organizing my office and tidying some of his notes he keeps here, I glanced a piece of a ledger where he listed the art replica, the artist to commission from, the price..... I wish I hadn’t seen it and it was a big surprise but tbh I sensed it. And seeing that ledger made my heart melt. I am reserving the actual melting for when/if it actually happens because DREAMS WITHOUT PLANS AND ACTIONS ARE WISHES

fleuretpomme · 2021-05-24T14:16:10+00:00

I don't like the look of traditional rings (silver toned, solitaire diamond). I would prefer a ruby or some other stone that is durable but still non traditional. My dream ring probably costs less than $2K so it's not the cost but the thought that goes into ordering it. As long as it's durable and beautiful, it's good.

As for proposal, I don't want to be around people or get a lot of attention. Ideally it would be in a beautiful scenic location somewhere abroad like Japan or certain Euro countries. None of that proposal while going about everyday mundane chores stuff. It's not romantic.

I'm about effort over cost. Of course this is all a fantasy... I don't think I'd ever meet someone, let alone someone who puts forth effort in today's dating climate

airstream_dreams · 2021-05-24T15:05:38+00:00

When my (now husband) proposed to me, it was a complete surprise; we had discussed that we did want to be married several times and both knew we would be together forever, but had said nothing about a specific timeline. I can see how being on the receiving end of a surprise proposal could be nerve wracking if you're worried about you partner fulfilling your exact wishes, so even if you guys haven't discussed a timeline, you can always share ideas that you love, and if he is the one, he will pick up on these and prioritize them.

In my case I didn't have a chance to do this as I was completely surprised! However my husband has always been a mind-reader in all things (I jokingly call him a witch) and I could not have described a more beautiful proposal to add to our growing love story. We went camping for a long weekend in my favorite place on earth, spent the days swimming in the crystal clear lake and visiting the wineries, the evenings around the fire pit, and the nights snuggled up in our rooftop tent watching the stars. This was a normal enough weekend for us as we lived near many beautiful outdoors areas and regularly visited one; we even have a favorite backwoods camping spot which is where we stayed this time as well, so I wasn't noticing anything out of the ordinary! On the morning of our last day, we took a short hike up to the ridgeline from our campsite to have our morning coffee.

The views from the ridgeline are sweeping: you can see up-lake about 20 miles; soaring snow covered peaks in the backdrop, and huge ancient cedars and pines along the banks. I had my phone out and was taking a 360 video to capture the moment. When I turned all the way back around to him, he was down on one knee. It was the happiest moment of my life. We both cried.

I had picked a bouquet of wildflowers earlier that morning for him; I am holding them in the first picture he took of me wearing my ring to send to our families. He chose a beautiful timeless design in my preferred material (platinum) and even got my size right so I could wear it right away - without ever asking me any of these things! We are each adored by our in-laws and they were ecstatic to hear the news. I even found out later on that he had talked to my mom to ask for my hand (I loved this; I am more traditional and loved that he made my mom feel included).

Before we departed our mountain retreat we made love - and even though we were up in the high desert, a rare sprinkling of rain passed over us.

It rained on our wedding day as well. I can honestly say in this moment, waking up next to him and sharing our story, I have never been happier in my life. I wish that I could tell my younger self that this is how my future unfolds; so much heartache and anguish could have been avoided, I would have had so much peace in my heart if I had known one day this would be my life. The right partner for you, aside from all of the other things that go in to compatibility, will not only be attentive enough to recognize what matters to you, but will make it his priority; if you do the same for him in an equal partnership, you will be on your way to reaching true love and happiness.

CoconutHamster · 2021-05-24T14:47:15+00:00

The proposal itself can't just be a regular restaurant dinner or living room thing or while I do dishes...It should be a beautiful moment overall. Oh and not public, no one needs pressure during proposal. Again, should fit my overall lifestyle, style and taste.

I definitely agree with you here! Though I am a nature person and would be absolutely over the moon with a romantic proposal at the pinnacle of a beautiful hike overlooking the mountains 😍 He should also setup his phone or camera to capture the moment.

I also have a different style and I don't want the standard solitaire diamond. I would love a 1-1.5 carat emerald-shaped emerald (or green sapphire), in a 3-stone setting with 1 diamond on either side of the main stone, with a gold band. To me, this look is elegant and timeless. It also gives me nature-esque vibes with the green/gold combo. Just absolutely stunning and representative of who I am!

mybfhatesme98 · 2021-05-24T14:18:47+00:00

They’re loose ideas, I’m a wee lass but I just want it to overall reflect love and thoughtfulness.

I have a ring that I find classy, compliments my style, made by an artist who was inspired by a few of the themes that drive my life - eternal optimism + a genre of media, hehe.

The price isn’t insane - I could buy it myself several times over - but it’s not exactly a pop rock either. Something custom would be cool too!

I’d like the proposal to be intentional, not in public, and somehow relevant to our relationship. It would be a nightmare to have a few strangers, let alone thousands, be part of such an intimate moment.

betsybasset · 2021-05-24T15:13:44+00:00

I've set the standards the way I was earning and living. No guesswork necessary from his side.

He could see I already wore quite significant 💍💎 🥿👜.

So he didn't want to take the risk. He asked what I want and I told him.

I prefer it that way since I'm not the 'romantic' type that choose the stone together .

Nor i want to be surprised with his own choosing.

Not gonna risk it for a ring that I'll wear 24/7 on top of jewelleries I also worn constantly.

HomeGrownInDallas · 2021-05-24T13:53:56+00:00

Sorry to hear about your disappointment of an engagement but I think everything you’ve listed is very reasonable for a HVM!

For me personally, I’m a fan of the classic look so I’d probably do something like a solitaire ring. I prefer gold and I would want something in the range of 3/4 ct to 1 1/2 ct for the diamond. Price somewhere in $2k to $5k range. If I can afford to buy it myself, my man needs to be able to afford it, if not more. Otherwise, me and him aren’t financially compatible.

Ladies if you want a diamond ring, I recommend getting it checked out by a jeweler to make sure it’s real. There are some tiktoks out there where this kid brought a diamond tester machine to his high school and tried it on his teachers’ wedding rings. About 70% of their rings were fake. If your man can’t afford a real diamond and then proceeds to lie about it, he ain’t the one.

I love to travel so I’d probably want a city getaway proposal as well.

Edit: Grammar

amhran_oiche · 2021-05-24T17:08:33+00:00

If a man proposed to me while I was doing dishes I would be mortified... and single.

3-month's salary was a ploy created by the engagement ring industry and does nothing to reflect genuine thought or effort. My ring should be solid gold or rose gold, diamond. I don't care if it's lab-created. I like oval or radiant-cut rectangle with melee diamonds.

I would break up with a man who asked my father for permission but I am close to my mom and a man who involves my mom in the proposal would mean as much to me as it does to her. Him asking her for permission or otherwise involving her would be so touching. She's a great judge of character and the right man "asking" her would be no issue. I would like to be proposed to in private with a romantic setup so we could relish the moment alone before telling our families.

highlightmyflaws · 2021-05-24T15:29:20+00:00

I just want my cat involved in my proposal. 😭 So many people laugh but if she had a ring on her collar or I get a new kitten with a ring and a little note I could die happy.

JasmineAndCloves · 2021-05-24T17:13:43+00:00

As for rings, I do expect one. I prefer a sort of floral vintage style with a halo around the center stone, but there are many potential settings I’d be happy with. Durable materials, ideally platinum and diamond, as I am admittedly somewhat clumsy and I don’t want to be petrified constantly of dinging it up. (I do really love the appearance of morganite, but I’m afraid such a soft stone wouldn’t hold up well given how active I am. I would be open to other gemstones as well. I just don’t want anything lab created or very brightly colored.) 3/4 carat to 1 carat for the center stone (if it is diamond.)

The proposal should feel intentional and high effort. That doesn’t necessarily mean expensive. But, it should be apparent that serious planning went into it. My favorite place is the beach. We have several state parks nearby with ocean access where a proposal could go down and still be fairly private. Also, my current significant other happens to be a childhood friend. For that reason, I would not find it awkward if some of our friends and family were there either for the proposal or immediately following since everyone is already well acquainted.

I would also like him to actually get down on one knee and ask. I want it to feel like a request, not a business deal, if that makes sense. I’ve heard engagement stories where the man just pulls out the ring and basically hands it to his partner, saying something like “Here you go!” or “Wanna get married?” Nope. I want to be asked in no uncertain terms.

Lastly, good food and drinks should be involved. This sounds like a no brainer, but, again, I’ve read stories where this part was still somehow glossed over.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-05-24T15:42:02+00:00

I'm not sure about specifics but I would have to be able to look back on the weeks prior fondly. I hear stories of men being just horrible in the lead up to a proposal because of the "stress." Like snapping at her if she seems like she's aware or acting cagey to the point she suspects cheating.

I'd want anyone who was going to propose to me to be excited about it and to want to extend that excitement and affection to me during that time without giving the game away.

pinkcorolla · 2021-05-24T16:08:15+00:00

Pink sapphire ring worth 5-10k. Even if I love him he still needs to show that he’s invested in me financially as well.

juicy_lime · 2021-05-24T16:44:22+00:00

I don't wear jewelry and I'm not a flashy person at all so I would hate to be presented with a fat ring no matter how nice or expensive it is. Something simple, perhaps an understated non-diamond antique ring that has a happy history, would be okay. As for a proposal I would love it to be somewhere in a natural setting like at the peak of a mountain overlooking a lush green forest or on a beautiful beach. No audience or spectators.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-05-24T17:12:34+00:00

I don't want to be married to a man, full stop

giggleomg · 2021-05-24T15:01:11+00:00

I wish someone would make a post about the wave of women publicly proposing to men and getting turned down. It’s very cringe to watch.

I’m not proposing and the ring should be a classic Marquise cut diamond set in gold. No couch proposals, no walking in the park “Opps, here honey” proposals, or prank proposals. It should be after a meaningful moment when we’re alone, relaxed, looking our best, and feeling connected.

notdatypicalITgurl · 2021-05-24T13:37:07+00:00

I'm also curious about this! Personally, I wouldn't love a HUGE rock. A diamond between 1.25 or so and 2 ct would be fine, above that I think it would be too much for my skinny fingers.

Proposal-wise, I hate hate being the center of attention. I would prefer it to be more private, just us. I am thinking a trip to a beautiful island and he takes me to a secluded beach where he has already prepared a picnic decorated with flowers, champagne, snacks, and whatever else. It sounds pretty generic, but I love the idea of being surprised with something romantic, beautiful, and low-key in the sense that third-parties aren't really involved.

azula8 · 2021-05-24T13:50:03+00:00

Id like a surprise with my favorite flowers, fire works, favorite foods, and if pushing it; a key to a house for our future family under my name. The whole concept of "I gave you a house you gave me a home". Location must be sentimental. Outside our country of residence is better.

Im very particular on jewelry so he can give me his best choice or he can let me pick. Im a Winter so I need white metals. Im not interested in getting a dipping every 3 years so it has to be platinum. I have big hands so it should be at least 1.5 karat. If youre gonna give me a 0.25 ct then maybe we are not financially ready to settle down. Im sorry to be elitist but its just embarrassing. Its like im telling the world my future husband has a micropenis for a dck and I love it.

More than anything I do not want a public proposal. It should be between me and him only. I am not to be strong armed by the public or by relatives to get married because I cant say no to a massive lovebomb. Make a grand gesture for me, to impress me, not the gram.

blacklaceelderberry · 2021-05-24T15:26:22+00:00

My husband did what I would consider a HV proposal. We were doing a small wine tour together at my favorite spots and he had arranged for our last visit to be the proposal spot. He proposed on the deck with a beautiful view (obviously on his knee) and had them bring out glasses for a toast. I had already picked out my ring but the day and time was a surprise. After he arranged a surprise engagement party with my friends with bowling and karaoke (those are my favorite for a group party). It wasn't "over the top" but very in line with what I would have wanted (private proposal in scenic area doing activity we both enjoy followed by surprise celebration with friends).

vowelsareimportant · 2021-05-24T15:18:57+00:00

For the ring, I’d want something that I’m excited to get and that I’d never buy for myself because I would consider it too extravagant. Nothing with a huge stone but not so tiny that it looks like it came from a Cracker Jack box. I like vintage styles and rose gold. I wouldn’t expect it to cost more than 5,000 but not less than 1,000. It’s got to be comfortable and something I want to wear every day. My bestie and I send each other pictures of engagement rings all the time so that our future fiancé’s are prepared. If he knows me, and is HV, then he knows who to go for for advice and ideas so I get exactly what I want.

For the proposal, I want us to be alone. I hate public proposals with lots of people around and would feel really uncomfortable having people watching. I would love for it to be on a vacation where we go somewhere secluded that he’s arranged to be private for us (beach, waterfall, scenic field with a gourmet picnic). I don’t want anyone sneaking around trying to take photos of this. It should be a private moment where he professes his love and admiration for me and asks for me to spend the rest of my life with him.

haunted_vcr · 2021-05-24T21:13:56+00:00

Ooh great question.

My standard for am engagement ring is solitaire diamond (~vvs1 at worst), 1ct, platinum band. You can easily get a good one for under 20k. I'm of the opinion that if a dude can afford a car and monthly rent/mortgage, he can afford a ring.

Proposal should be in a well planned, meaningful destination - city, nature, etc. It should also be private, no grandiose photo op or spotlight bs, since there should be no pressure.

It should also be done after a clear discussion of what marriage means, so no surprises.

Ornery_Bumblebee_520 · 2021-05-24T15:34:10+00:00

Oh my god this is such good timing as I've just had the worst proposal ever!

I've been dating this guy Larry from Chicago for a while now and even though its not exactly the best time for travel he asked me to go with him on a trip to see his folks.

Everything was going so well it was amazing, real fairytale stuff. He took me to meet his parents, we had dinner with his friends and he was adamant that he wanted to show me everything from his childhood.

Next day we go round all these great little places he remembers from his childhood.

He asks me if want to go for dinner and of course by this point I'm starving so he says he's going to take me some place really special.

Imagine my dissapointment when we end up at some hotdog stand called 'Johnnies Beef'. He can probably tell that I'm about to lose it so tries to cover with some half added cute story about going there as a kid. Whatever, you wanted some nasty Italian beef thing. Busted.

On the way back to his parents house we have to stop into some supermarket called Jewels (except Larry is goofing around and insists in calling it DA JOOLZ) to get some groceries.

We come out with potato chips, some bags of nuts and some dip... Real garbage if I'm honest but I hold my tongue.

Flash forward to his parents house and low and behold all of his family and friends are crammed inside.

Seemingly they wanted to have some impromptu get together to welcome Larry back to Joliet

Now ó know what the chips and other rubbish was for.

It's sort of fun in a low rent, cringey kind of way. Everyone is laughing and drinking and having fun.

Larry's mother kept insisting that I try these things called 'Marconis' which seem to be just like chopped up spicy vegetables in a jar.

I was bought up to be polite and decide I will try them but I can't get a look in edgewise, they are just eating these on everything, one awful slob even ate some off his shoe! 🤢🤢🤮

Eventually after even more pressure I finally try some but from the now nearly empty jar. Spoiler alert turns out Marconis are amazing, however I can see something glinting in the jar.

I will admit to actually getting a little excited, even though my spidery sense was tingling.

Of course it's a ring... A cheap nasty ring covered in slimey vegetable detritus.

Larry doesn't actually ask he just whips out some baseball t shirt or whatever it is for 'da bears' in what I can only assume is what he thinks is my size and it has 'Mrs xxxxxx' (I won't embarrass the fool any further) on the back

All 83 of his loud, ignorant family are there and we are staying for another 10 days before I can escape.

So I said yes, knowing I meant no. The next 10 days are hellish. Just pretending and faking my way through things until I fucking snap.

The 'ring' he gave me is there for sale in the same nasty supermarket we went to for chips on the way home.

Ladies, whatever it is you want go get it, but never, NEVER settle.

LadyWithAHarp · 2021-05-24T16:51:29+00:00

I've been traumatized by several unexpected proposals from LVM, so this is what I want from an actual candidate:

1: Sober 2: During the day 3: Reasonably private (I don't want the pressure of public witnesses since there probably needs to be an adult discussion before I agree.)

As for what I'd like in a ring, I want something nice, preferably custom since I know so many artisans, but vintage would be cool too-I just don't want a generic-looking ring. I'm not hung up on a diamond, because De Beers is horrible, but something pretty and durable that is difficult to break. Also, I do a lot with my hands, so the stone settings need to be relatively flush-the ring can't be catching on every project that I work on. It doesn't need to be present at the proposal because frankly I have big fingers and it may be difficult to get the right size new or resize a vintage ring-but I do want it in a timely manner after the proposal. (I hate the limited selection at jewelry stores of larger rings-I want the pretty ones not the manly ones!)

Setting.... something fun and romantic. I haven't thought much beyond that because of the two and a half previous attempts that still haunt my nightmares.

LadyL1234 · 2021-05-24T16:29:26+00:00

I was previously married 20 years. I can say that I wouldn't want more than a carat for practicality (because I'd want to wear it daily and not obsess over it) and would love one that was vintage meaning that he took my style into consideration. Above all. I'd want him to present the ring he can afford to pay cash for and not incur debt for it. (Men that I debt are long established so a good quality one carat is most definitely no more than a months salary). And a private proposal - private dinner at a restaurant we like (where the staff knows us and makes it extra special) or while out on an outing at maybe a place that had some sentimental meaning to us. I'm not a fan of what I see on Instagram, where these elaborate proposals are filmed or with professional photographers or involving a bunch of people. That just isn't my personality style and it would be honestly embarrasing. Also, I wouldn't want it plastered all over social media. My family doesn't like showing off what we have/own.

23eggz · 2021-05-24T17:07:53+00:00

For me im quite picky about the style of ring so they would have to have seen what my style is. I would like the teardrop style and preferably not a 'real' diamond but rather a lab made one.

In regards to the proposal, I agree with many others on here that I dont want it in an overly public place, but it should be still thoughtfully planned. I also don't want the proposal to come after little to know prior discussions of marriage. The 'suprise' aspect of the proposal should be "when and where" not "if".

Finally, they should let one of my friends know when they're planning on doing it so she can conveniently ask me out to get our nails done 🤭

Latter_Ostrich2875 · 2021-05-24T18:08:12+00:00

I’m not fussed about the price but it does need to be something durable and strong since I have a physical job and it has to be personal in some way, maybe some symbols engraved on it that have special meaning to me.

As for proposals definitely not public. As a kid I thought they were sweet but it’s just wrong. Why on earth would anyone want to ask such a big question in front of tonnes of people if not to pressure the person? Even if I loved the person I wouldn’t accept if they did that to me. They should know I hate crowds and pressure. If someone wanted to propose to me it would have to be somewhere private and beautiful. I can imagine it being in a forest or at the top of a hill with a view. I wouldn’t want to be just proposed to out of the blue, marriage would have to be discussed beforehand.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-05-24T18:41:52+00:00

So I would like my future fiance to offer to buy me a house as a proposal. My last ex gave me the idea for this and I loved it. He bought a house that I picked out (he needed to move anyways) and said whenever I'm ready to marry him he can put it in my name. I also want to have co-decision making abilities on where we'll live and what his job will be (e.g. if he travels all the time for work and I barely get to see him, then I would need him to be open to changing his life around to spend more time with me).

When I think about a proposal, I think of it as a promise of commitment. And what I want is a commitment of his assets and commitment that he will be a partner with me. That would be my commitment for him as well.

It could change though depending on the man and my situation.

Great post!

FDS-GFY · 2021-05-24T14:39:19+00:00

I want him to ask my best friend’s permission. There’s more but was thinking lately.

Temporary_Scientist1 · 2021-05-24T15:14:57+00:00

The #1 standard for me is that the proposal should be about me. I want him to tell me what he loves about me and what makes me special. Watch a few seasons of 90 Day Fiance and see how many dudes' proposals are either totally devoid of content ("so, uh, will you like....yeah?") or make the proposal about themselves ("I'm so happy when I'm with you")

Also, if he is serious, he needs to drop some serious cash, like $10k+. Free family heirlooms are also ok but may need to be reset to my taste.

I am kinda lukewarm on diamonds though. They feel a little generic. Plus all the ethical problems.

vaguelinen · 2021-05-24T17:37:39+00:00

I’m not convinced I’ll marry again so will require a stunning ring with a big diamond after an incredible proposal (I like the city break ideas).

I don’t need another husband so it’s on him to really woo me, to demonstrate my life would be better committed to him.

fireforestfairy · 2021-05-24T14:18:04+00:00

I'm fine with a gold, platinum, or diamond ring.

artquestioj · 2021-05-24T16:27:35+00:00

I wouldn't like a ring. I would hate having to wear it, I can't imagine one feeling comfortable all the time. And I have ADHD so I lose things. No matter how attached to it I got, I would 100% lose it. We have got to do something else.

It would mean a lot to me if he proposed somewhere nice. Like the place we met, the place we had our first vacation, a really nice restaurant, something like that. Something that took genuine thought or effort.

StayMadScrote · 2021-05-24T18:11:05+00:00

I think what matters the most about the proposal and ring is how well suited it is to your tastes. If you hate crowds but they propose in public that's a deal-breaker.

As a bisexual woman I'd personally prefer to propose to my partner if they were a women but I'd definitely want a man to propose to me.

I only wear gold jewelry so I'd want something in gold. And I'd absolutely hate a diamond. I honestly think diamonds are an American thing and personally I think they're overrated.

I want an engagement ring and a wedding band. And I want something unique preferably crafted by a Smith and an original design. As for costs obviously it should be affordable but I think engagement and wedding rings are one of those things you should splurge on a bit.

feeturingmyself · 2021-05-24T15:40:08+00:00

I'd prefer a simple gold band BUT I'd also want to be gifted 3months salary in the form of shares certificate as stocks and gold are more like to retain value compared to a diamond.

For the proposal, I love being in nature and would wantbmy partner to plan the proposal at the top of a gorgeous outdoor location. Maybe beside a waterfall in Iceland or under the stars in the middle of nowhere or in front of the Taj Mahal. I'd be OK with a public proposal as long as the public isn't involved (flash mobs and disney world) as my partner and I would be on the same page about our commitment to each other.

I'd like a wedding in a beach club or pool club but I would tell my guests its a birthday party so no one feels pressured to spend money on new clothes and shoes or bring expensive gifts. I want it to feel like a really fun party that won't leave me and my partner and our family bickering about the floral arrangements and color schemes.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-05-24T13:47:34+00:00

I don't know if marriage or rings are my deal, because of the history connected to them, but I have thought of some light ideas. These are also (at least) the standards I would hold myself to if I was proposing to a woman I loved. (I am bi)

If I was proposing, all of this would depend a lot on the person I was proposing to, and what they would like.

💍: I think for me the main thing would be, that it in a way shows they know me and that they put thought into it. ☺

Like "it would be my style" / "look like it was made for me", if you know what I mean.

For example, I once came across this pretty, delicate, silver and kinda cat-shaped ring, which I loved.

Proposal: Most importantly, not public! I wouldn't like a public proposal at all. It would put too much pressure and attention into the situation.

I also don't want them to ask my dads permission.

And just like with the ring, I wish it would be something that shows that they know me. Something that shows how they have put a lot of thought into it.❣

For me, a picnic with our favourite foods and drinks in a quiet isolated place could be it. That sounds really nice to me. 😄

Just something that now randomly popped into my head: Once I saw a picture of a cat that had a note in them that said something like "would you marry my daddy?", and I actually found that really cute. Might just be me being "a crazy cat lady", though.

While that was just an example and it maybe doesn't sound high-effort, and I don't mean that alone would be my ideal proposal, something like that being a part of it could be sweet. 🥰

edelbiatch · 2021-05-24T15:33:48+00:00

I think the most important thing for a proposal and wedding is that it is elaborate, high effort and shows how well he knows you.

I don't like flashy jewelry or wasting a lot of money on status symbols. My style for the ring would be a simple silver ring, either in a very minimal and classic style or something unique and preferably handmade matching to my overall style. I don't like diamonds and I'd prefer no gem or maybe opal or saphire. Price range could be 100-300 Euros.

I am a rather private person so I'd probably dump a guy over a public proposal. I'd prefer a quiet getaway, possibly on a vacation. I am an outdoor person, so anywhere in the mountains, maybe next to a lake, would be wonderful. I don't want to get engaged for the sake of getting engaged so I expect him to have plans for getting married in the coming 1.5 years. Both of us being financially stable is a prerequisite of getting engaged. I also expect him to start the topic about how our marriage and family planning should look like.

alphasquish · 2021-05-24T16:56:22+00:00

My ring was a beautiful handmade piece that we picked out together. This is one of those things that really threw about if he was a HVM or not....unfortunately not. So essentially, it was a HV ring from a LV man.

CheetahEnergy · 2021-05-24T14:17:39+00:00

Minimum 3 months salary, emerald cut diamond, white gold band, and I want to really be surprised by the proposal moment, it should include amazing food or an amazing location

queenmisdirection · 2021-05-24T14:14:41+00:00

I couldn’t really care about the ring. I am a simple jewelry person so I think a simple gold band with a diamond would be beautiful but I have no idea about carat sizing.

My perfect proposal would be a nighttime hike to a clearing at the top of a mountain where he sets up a picnic or it’s already there and he proposes. Or I think being proposed to in a hot air balloon at sunset would be amazing. I do not under any circumstances want other people around for the proposal as I think that’s an intimate moment that should be for just us. I do like the idea of a surprise party after the engagement where we go to one of our parents houses and our close family and friends are there waiting. I just don’t want to know that he’s planning on proposing I want that to be a surprise

riceweight · 2021-05-24T17:25:21+00:00

I hate bracelets and rings because they get in the way of coding, so I’d want a gold necklace with some precious stone, either jade, diamond, ruby, or amethyst. I’d like the proposal to be private. A nice meal and a quiet walk in a sentimental location would be perfect. Both of us should be feeling safe, loved, and relaxed.

ZangWaySolly · 2021-05-24T17:28:03+00:00

So glad those things are behind me

TrunkWine · 2021-05-24T17:49:56+00:00

I don't really wear jewelry, so I am not worried about a ring. Jewelry is annoying to me (jewelry on my body, not on anyone else's). I also don't like the diamond or wedding industry very much. If he insists on a ring or other piece of jewelry, I want to help pick it out. If I am going to wear it, I am going to like the one I get.

Nothing public, private is the way to go. No stadiums, crowded beaches, busy restaurants. I want it to be just us.

Definitely no family there, either. Just us. His sister got proposed to on a busy pedestrian bridge with both her family and his family there. I'm not sure if she was really surprised or just faking it. (How much more obvious could they have made it?) Photos of the moment include passerbys staring and zipping by on scooters and bicycles. No thanks.

Big no on asking my father, though. I'm over 30, have a good job, and live 8 hours away from him. I love my dad, but I am not his property to "give away" to anyone. I choose who I want to spend my time and my life with, not him.

Suspicious-Judge-380 · 2021-05-24T18:03:16+00:00

i dislike diamonds, so i would want some other stone...probably an emerald :) as for proposal i agree with everything you said !! also for the proposal i want my nails to be done and to look nice, but still would want it to be a surprise, so they’d have to come up with a plan for that!

sassyheather · 2021-05-24T18:20:54+00:00

I am an absolute sucker for the classic look of a solitaire ring. I don’t like how yellow gold looks on my skin tone, so it should either be white gold or platinum. Lately I’ve been getting into lab grown diamonds and I want a round one, color G or above, no fluorescence, VVS1 clarity or above. As per carats, no idea what would look good on my finger, I think ideally 1.00 to 1.25 carats, but in the perfect scenario I would try rings with different carats to see what I like most.

As for the proposal, I would love for it to be during a trip. Especially if it’s at a beach coast 😍😍😍

Microwave79 · 2021-05-24T19:40:16+00:00

I do know that I want my proposal to be private with just me and him or private with our close family members .. as for the ring, I want it to be 1 or 1.5 carat cause I have small hands..

Fun_Tangerine4494 · 2021-05-24T21:35:50+00:00

My proposal needs to be special. My bf and I just picked out a ring, now the rest is up to him. I insisted that I chose the ring, and it was nice that he didn’t haggle with me about price (an ex did that to me, he made me feel embarrassed that I wanted a nice ring, so he’s and ex for a reason).

I look forward to a proposal that represents us and our solid relationship. Hopefully something outside and unique!

Connect-Ad-9361 · 2021-05-25T01:49:47+00:00

So I used to sell jewelry so my taste is a bit more narrow and expensive than others. When you spend all day looking at shiny shit you weed out what's valuable and what's not.

Requirements: At LEAST 2ct, closer to three if possible Cut should be either elongated radiant cut, heart cut (odd choice, I know, but im a sucker for em) or oval cut. Cushion cut may also be acceptable. I'm on the fence currently. Of course it should have a nice bright shine and not be littered with inclusions.

That's for just the center stone. When it comes to settings, for me it's one of those things where I really just have to get in there myself and see what I like. Therefore I would like him to propose to me with just the center stone (they make special boxes for it and everything) and then we can go and pick out the specific setting together.

Tip: Always. Always. Invest in the center stone. That is where the value is. A 2ct stone on a plain gold band will almost always be worth more than a 1ct stone with a bunch of smaller stones on the band totalling to a 2ct total weight. Only time it wouldn't be worth more would be if there was some huge disparity in quality. This also makes it much easier to change out the setting later in case either your tastes change or you decide you want a band with bigger daimonds down the road (lots of ladies do this for landmark anniversaries)

By the way, don't let men tell you daimonds are worthless. It's one of those things that has a nugget of truth but gets way overblown and honestly men usually just say it to get out of paying for a nice ring a la "marraige is just a peice of paper".

If anybody is interested I can go on my spiel about why this is the case but for now I'll spare you.

Edited because I forgot the proposal lmao.

While there shouldnt be a big hullabaloo show surrounding it, it definitely needs to be special and in a beautiful location. Perhaps on vacation somewhere in a foreign country. Something incredibly memorable. Wouldn't want it to be entirely private either.

nyclaurco · 2021-05-25T03:11:51+00:00

my parents have the diamond. it’s a large good quality one from my grandmother’s ring. i don’t want moissanite or any other knockoff, and i don’t care if it sounds snooty. my grandfather before he died said that i should use it, so it’s sentimental. i’d like for it to be put in a pave setting. i also don’t mind solitaire, but i’d prefer pave. i hate halo rings. absolutely no halos. i don’t mind where i’d get engaged as long as it’s not like... in the apartment. or on another big holiday. i wouldn’t care if it was public or not, because i would be expecting to be proposed to. i don’t want it to be a surprise. i’d like to elope and be taken away to hawaii or somewhere else warm and tropical for a few weeks. i don’t want a big wedding. i’m an extrovert, but big weddings always seem more about the guests than the enjoyment of the couple. i want to spend that time with my husband, not chatting up some third cousins who i’ve never met before lol.

fan_of_fromage · 2021-05-24T15:05:53+00:00

I'm not interested in jewellery so I don't have an engagement ring. I just wear my wedding ring. Didn't see the point of wasting money on it to be honest. We are not rich and the money was better spent on ensuring our financial security. A proposal was not something that matters to me either. We discussed marriage early on but then had an unexpected pregnancy. Later on, we discussed it again and set a date a couple of weeks later.

For me, the actual marriage is more important than ring and proposal gestures. I am married to an absolute unicorn of a man, and not presenting me with a diamond ring at the top of the Eiffel tower did not matter to me. Perhaps I'm not the romantic sort?

butterscotch17 · 2021-05-24T17:54:17+00:00

I’d expect discussing the idea of marriage 6-8 months into the relationship, and a proposal within 1 year - 1.5 years. I love traveling, so I’d want my HVM partner to plan a vacation for us and propose to me there with a beautiful ring. I’d want the engagement period to last a year, for further vetting and for also planning the wedding.

2021-05-24T18:33:18+00:00

[deleted]

complex_answer_22 · 2021-05-24T19:20:04+00:00

Honestly I don't care about having a real diamond, but I like the symbolism behind it. I want effort and thoughtfulness. Something that shows he really knows me and takes note of what I like/dislike.

Thesociodark · 2021-05-24T21:38:59+00:00

Maybe this is just me, but I would want a very simple ring, because I want to wear it everyday, and I really love my parents' rings, they have simple gold ones without a stone or anything. This is just my taste and style, I looove minimalism. I know this is not a high standard, and I love the listed ideas here, this is just how I feel towards this particular thing haha. I wear very simple accessories on average anyway, and my clothes are mainly black, white and dark blue. A solid gold ring would match to this perfectly.

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2021-05-24T23:04:15+00:00

I never thought I'd get married... I had put marriage out of my mind so long that I didn't really have a wishlist for a proposal or any ideas about a ring.

I knew two big things I DIDN'T want though...

No proposal in a restaurant or other venue full of strangers I don't like being put on the spot like that.

No yellow gold or diamond rings, I don't wear diamonds except for family heirloom ones.

I told my dude those things up front when marriage first got mentioned between us. After that... well this is how he handled the proposal and ring thing:

My dude said very early on in dating that he wanted a "forever future" with me and wanted to marry me. We actually went about it kinda businesslike, deciding how long to wait, how we were going to handle finances and family stuff.

I had chosen 5/7/21 as my wedding date because my mom was born in 1957 and she was 21 years old when she had me....I thought that was too perfect to pass up.

After our third serious discussion about it in 2020 when we had our timeline set and knew WHEN we'd do it and had discussed ideas for how we'd handle combining households.... I honestly put the wedding thing out of my mind... I forgot all about it.

The real wedding got put off during the first Covid spike and everything closing down and we downgraded to getting married at the courthouse on the special date with a fancy ceremony..."later whenever this Covid crap is over". I had surgery, and then a bunch of other stuff just made my wedding a very low priority to me.

So while I was completely forgetting about it my dude went and had a nice custom wedding ring set made for us... I knew about that, we designed the set together one night while drinking a bit so he just ordered what we'd come up with. I figured he'd do the formal proposal after the rings were finished and once again I forgot all about it..... but I guess he was haunting online antique auctions for months while I was sleeping, looking for my engagement ring so it would be a surprise.

He chose an Art Deco onyx and emerald ring, set in platinum, no diamonds ( rare, usually Art Deco jewelry is overloaded with diamonds ) and I have never in all my days of antiquing and drooling over old jewelry seen anything like it. It's beyond exceptional, it is so very much my style.

After he got the ring he went super-fancy on setting up the Sunday Zoom dinner I've been doing with my brother and sister... bought fresh Cire Trudon candles, put out the REALLY fancy china, and he made that seafood curry that's my favorite of his cooking but it takes him 3 hours to make..and after dinner he got down on one knee, said some beautiful things and proposed in front of my family. I was definitely surprised, and amazed and so very happy that night.

Then we did our courthouse wedding on the date I chose, my 3 Besties were my witnesses, his two daughters were his witnesses and my bro and sis were there on Zoom, it was actually pretty nice.

Later he plans to pay for my bro, sis and her fiancee to fly out here for the real wedding ( on the same date in 2022 ) and he's paying the caterer and all the expenses to set up the fancy wedding in my garden, really all I have to do is get my dress made and choose the menu and tent & linen colors ( Ivory and emerald green, ya'll 😹 )

So I've gone from "I don't care about weddings" to being happy and pleased and actually really looking forward to the formal one next year.

laffytaggy · 2021-05-24T23:40:26+00:00

I want a $10k ring, minimum.

notochord · 2021-05-25T03:10:47+00:00

The ring:

Handmade by a local jeweler, preferably at a woman-owned and operated shop. The style would be a bit eclectic but classic and simple, with a tiny bit of whimsy. I would love it to use a blend of gold from both our family’s old jewelry and heirloom stones if possible.

I’d like a vintage diamond between .75-1.50 carats or could do moissanite/light blue sapphire/ or maybe some other elegant and unique family stone that is hard wearing.

The proposal would happen after we’d discussed marriage and would be on a trip he planned. It could be anything from a rock climbing trip to my favorite natural park to an art museum tour in Paris. But whatever it is it would be well-planned, FUN, and joyful.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-05-25T04:03:36+00:00

I knew he was going to propose and we had already hammered out our life details and determined we were it. I designed my ring: sturdy, but sparkly. Its the most expensive jewelry I own , but it was not over $500. Pricing wasn’t important because we both wanted a fun honey moon and to save money for the future. I know he’s upgrading it for a future anniversary. Anyway, I designed it, he paid for it and he went all out on a meaningful and amazing proposal. Marriage should not be a surprise but the proposal should be a surprise and show how well he knows you!

seashellsupplier · 2021-05-25T08:04:05+00:00

I would like an antique ring or stone, doesn‘t really matter what kind, could be sapphire, ruby, emerald or diamond. The main stone needs to be at least 2 carat, since I have relatively wide fingers and anything less looks tiny. For the proposal itself I would like a nice restaurant meal, but someplace small and intimate because I wouldn‘t like a lot of attention on me.

helena939392 · 2021-05-25T08:46:28+00:00

My standards are quite traditional - I want a white or rose gold diamong ring in the halo style. And I want to be proposed in some special place for us, something special that is arranged for me and us. The ideal timeframe would be around one year of dating.

My ex proposed to me on a f*cking car trip to my friend's wedding, and basically just shoved the very basic retail chain ring into my palm saying "well here's the ring, you know I wanna be with you". And that was it. Thank god I got rid of him. Obviously he meant "You're the one I want to cheat on, torment and abuse physically, verbally and mentally for the rest of our lives ♥ Oh and also waste all of your money!"

even_thriller · 2021-05-24T18:40:46+00:00

I would definitely like a ring but for moral and ethical reasons, I absolutely will not get a diamond under any circumstances and want to get a moissanite instead and I generally like classic styles- solitaire especially as I'm not big on anything being too gaudy. As for proposals, I do want some effort and both my boyfriend and I are outdoorsy people and we do a lot of hiking, biking, etc and traveling so I think if he put effort while on one of our trips together I would definitely want that. I wouldn't mind it either at a fancy dinner, restaurant, floral garden, etc like I genuinely want SOME effort put into a proposal. I would be mortified if it were at home during everyday life. I want it to be a special occasion!

splendieindependie · 2021-05-24T21:51:48+00:00

I don't want to marry.

If I did, though, the ring better come with a guarantee of ethics - no blood diamonds, no gold mined by children or in such a way as to release lead into the environment, etc. Any man who would even consider supporting these exploitative businesses is one that I'd rather not know.

Proposal: in private, with ample opportunity to discuss it.

These are the bare minimum though, I wouldn't call them standards.

cwinparr · 2021-05-25T07:29:20+00:00

My fiance knew that I wanted to pick out my own ring (since I would be the one wearing it everyday), so he had a cheap stand-in cz solitaire. (I now use that ring for when I travel, hike, etc.)

He had taken months slowly sussing out my preferences for a proposal: look at this video... what do you think of this proposal... would your dad want me to ask for his blessing? Then he went with what I preferred: a private proposal full of love. No asking for my hand.

I made my own custom design for a ring and chose moissanite for the center stone and lab diamonds for the accents. (Moissanites are more sparkly, cheaper, and more rare than diamonds. They are 9.5 on the hardness scale, so they are super durable! Moissanites are not found naturally on Earth, but only from meteorites since they are a crystalline structure only made in space (or now in a lab). I LOVE my space diamond!)

For me HV doesn't necessarily mean expensive; it means adapting to what I value and prefer. For example, he doesn't really care about the venue, but I have my heart set on a castle in the UK, so he did a ton of research looking for beautiful castles and manor houses that have pre-planned customizable packages so everything will be easier and less stressful.

leptophile · 2021-05-24T22:24:48+00:00

I think it’s unlikely I’ll marry a man. But if I did, I would only accept a platinum ring with a Tiffany setting. My fingers are thin so the stone could be around 1.5 ct. I’d only accept a man who made at least as much money as I will when I’m ready to marry, so he would certainly be able to afford it!

nostradamusapologist · 2021-05-25T14:19:19+00:00

Well, personally my wife and I had a conversation about getting married and we bought each other rings off etsy (mine was a gold band with scroll detail that cost about $500-$600, which felt a little expensive for me but it was the only one I liked). But my wife is a high-value woman amd we couldn't afford any nicer at the time.

BiscuitWoof · 2021-05-28T05:27:27+00:00

If a man loves you he will care about your preferences for engagement and ring. Those pick me girls claiming to be happy with their cheetos? Couldn’t be me. The man does not really care to see her happy, he is just smug that he could get away with so little.

My ring is a 2 carat solitaire diamond with diamonds all around the band. The proposal was an intimate and perfect picnic surrounded by a floral ceiling.

Title	What are your standards for a proposal and ring etc?
Author	marimare21
Upvotes	238
Comments	105
Date	May 24, 2021 1:12 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/njxnto/what_are_your_standards_for_a_proposal_and_ring/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-your-standards-for-a-proposal-and-ring.775650 https://theredarchive.com/post/775650

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