In your opinion, what is the difference between a One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits (or F-Buddy), and a Relationship?

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-05-21T16:32:36+00:00

Brutal truth here (from a woman):

If a woman is making you wait for sex while having it with other guys, she's not that attracted to you.

Here's the caveat:

If she had a few casual hookups in the past (or slept with guys she was dating early on in hopes of it becoming a relationship but it didn't), but she hasn't casually hooked up with anyone for a while (I'm talking at least 1 year+), it's possible she actually changed.

Men have also made mistakes of providing too many resources early on, and getting used for attention/foodie dates/money, etc, and they developed stronger boundaries with experience.

It's about the consistency. It's possible to change your perspective, but her new boundaries should apply across the board, not just with you.

Women are given a lot of advice to go for guys they're not initially attracted to, and see if a spark grows. They're told to prioritize character over looks. As a result unfortunately, this is what can happen.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-05-21T17:09:57+00:00

One thing I've learned about women is that they respond to the way men present themselves. If you present yourself as a sexless goody two shoes, you are the "ljbf" guy. If you present yourself as a fantastic, awesome guy, with everything going for him, great job, great hobbies, etc., and you are trying hard to impress her, you become boyfriend material. The guy she will audition over a number of dates who she will out sex on hold for because otherwise he might think she's a slut. That's where a lot of you guys are.

Then there is the guy who present himself exactly for who he is. He is not interested in being her boyfriend, sponsor or daddy. He just wants to enjoy spending time with a sexy girl doing adult things that are between two consenting adults (and the cameraman). This guy is not Mr. Right. He is Mr Right now. Why? Because he is not going to judge her for jumping in bed with him right away. He is not playing hard to get and that encourages her not to play hard to get. He is not promising her a relationship. All he is promising is an attempt to bring her to an orgasm. Nothing else. So women react to guys like this by having fun with them and jumping in the sack quickly.

So after all, it is in your control as a man. You just have to make a decision about what you want and how you will present yourself to women.

Teflon08191 · 2022-05-21T16:05:01+00:00

They seem pretty self-explanatory to me.

ONS: One and done.

FWB: Recurring.

Relationship: Romance.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-05-21T16:08:13+00:00

ONS: one time thing

FWB: recurring sex, no strings attached

RELATIONSHIP: love and shit

for me personally, i don’t wait for sex in any scenario if i’m feeling someone 🤷🏻‍♀️

doshkhaleesi · 2022-05-21T15:57:45+00:00

I never had the emotional fortitude for either ONS or casual/FWBs, but your template sounds right.

That said, I’m not sure what the latter part of your post has to do with the former? If time spent before sex is the metric you are using to measure her attraction, does it matter if she got food after with the other guy? Or are you wondering what the difference is between BF and FWB and why a BF is waiting longer than an FWB?

Edit: I think I have a hard time with the FWB concept because I can’t see myself having sex with someone I didn’t have romantic feelings for. To me FWB sometimes just sounds like dating cloaked in semantics games tbh.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-21T16:00:26+00:00

Dude here:

ONS: just a one time, purely lustful fling. Great time, does give an ego boost but it’s not like you guys want anything more than each other’s bodies.

FWB: more than just a one time thing. You actually like each other but don’t want a commitment or are just looking to enjoy some fun for a while. A lot of times this ends up getting messy cause someone ends up catching feelings.

Relationship: pretty self explanatory. Let’s be real: best of all options. (Not that the first two aren’t really great too).

purplish_possum · 2022-05-21T21:57:48+00:00

ONS are relationships that never got off the ground.

FWB are relationships that have physical attraction but something else is missing.

Actual relationships are what's left.

It's like baseball. Even the best players strike out a lot. When they do connect they seldom hit it out of the park.

SpiritualEnema · 2022-05-21T16:34:12+00:00

If a woman isn’t having sex with you, or coming very, very close by date 3 then it is time to move on. Physical attraction cannot be negotiated. Don’t be the man that she settled for, especially when there is evidence that many others had instant access.

baresquad · 2022-05-21T17:12:02+00:00

One night stand is one time and that’s it. Friends with benefits are friends that you have sex with. Both are just sex and that’s it situations. Care about my partners insanely deeply, but the connection is purely physical

A relationship is mutually expressed romantic exclusivity. Big difference with relationships is the emotional connection being there

So yeah, to me your interpretations are pretty accurate

Ambassadior · 2022-05-21T17:27:04+00:00

ONS: You have sex for one night with person you aren't familiar with

FWB: You're friends but at the absence of emotional intimacy there is a sexual component.

Relationship: A commitment to each others emotional and sexual wellbeing.

Robotemist · 2022-05-21T17:47:59+00:00

Ons - person you had sex with out of convenience. Fuck buddy - a person you only have sexual compatibility with so you have sex with repeatedly out of convenience. Fwb - person you actually have a personal compatibility with and would possibly date if not for a lack of compatibility or circumstances. Relationship - person you have emotional and personal compatibility with and circumstances match up.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-21T18:24:05+00:00

Simple:

ONS = 1 single date and a fuck, and/or no date but still a fuck, then no more contact

FWB = No dating, but fucking and contact. There is no exclusivity or romance involved.

Relationship = dating, fucking, exclusivity and romance.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-05-21T19:06:20+00:00

ONS: someone you fuck once and never see again, or at least do not fuck again.

FWB: someone you see regularly for casual sex, sometimes you maintain the friendship after the sex stops.

Relationship: someone you are in love with and/or committed to.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-05-21T19:36:34+00:00

I wish there were more options, like what I think in the old days was called a "love affair", which was more than an FWB, but without the common expectations of a LTR that it will lead to marriage, or that you have to spend every moment together.

Like a FWB but with some points or miles or something.

TodTheRod01 · 2022-05-21T19:37:08+00:00

ONS = 1 time banger. don't even need to know their name.

Fuck buddy someone you call for fuck appointment

Friends With Benefits someone you can actually tolerate/hang out with after you cum, you do some friend stuff but sex is also quite important

relationship: someone you wanna fuck, like hanging out when not horny....see a future with this person, or vetting them for said future.

midwesternMD · 2022-05-21T20:06:32+00:00

Man here. Your topic and post content start to conflate different issues.

For me, I’ve had my ONS when I’m swiping while traveling for job interviews a few yrs ago. My profiles were all geared for “dating material,” but I guess the algorithms would prioritize me for a bit, and if I started to chat with a girl and asked her out (pretty much the same way I ask them out when I match with local women), it becomes clear to them that I’m in town for only a couple of days. When we get cocktails/dinner/etc, they see that I’m still a gentleman about things, and in my experience, it’s 50/50 for them wanting to go back to my hotel. I like to believe that I’m a “safe” BF material who is totally unavailable, so if they’re remotely turned on, I’m a solid judgement-free option.

FWB is similar, except we both say we want to keep it casual and neither one of us makes more of an effort to do “couple-y” things or really define the relationship. For me, this happened when I met a local woman during my job search, and I knew that I didn’t want to take a local job. She knew that nothing could come from it after the 5-month mark. This also happened (technically) when I was seeing a woman here and I decided she wasn’t relationship material while we were in that casual stage. So we continued to see each other about once a week for sex and dinner somewhere. Maybe a few texts during the week. In fairness to OP, I’m pretty sure I started hooking up with these women on the first date.

In a relationship/dating for relationship material, I start off matching/chatting the same as I do in the above scenarios. Only these women are the ones I find a little more attractive, and over the course of the first date, I can’t find any red flags and see them as relationship material. I don’t consciously behave any different than I do when I’m on dates with the other women, but for me, I don’t start hooking up until after 3-5 dates or so. Some of these fizzle out on her end, some of them fizzle out on my end, but I can say that I went into all of these relationships with every intention of finding wife material. Hell, two of them turned into friendzoning each other.

caption291 · 2022-05-21T23:52:32+00:00

ONS - attempt to secure genetic material she considers of high quality.

FWB - attempt to secure genetic material she considers of high quality and potentially secure a relationship with the guy if he allows it.

relationship - attempt to secure genetic material she considers of high quality as well as resources to potentially raise a kid.

YoungArabBrother · 2022-05-21T16:12:53+00:00

ONS i dont give a fuck about you, FWB you’re cool but definitely not dating material, relationship you have everything i need off my extensive checklist of requirements.

For men, if you give sex to one guy fast and make the other man wait, men see it as you aren't really attracted to them and they feel devalued. They may think, "well, she must've really liked that guy a lot to have sex with him so quickly."

yeah i feel you OP, i am lucky because as a man with options i can afford to put in this dealbreaker, but for me if a woman i am dating at any point in her entire life let a guy hit it quicker than i, im outta there. no exceptions, absolutely none (and this of course goes without saying but must be consensual) . so if we fucked on the third date and i learn she has literally ever had a one night stand, yeah, see ya. plenty of other women who didnt do that. I will accept a tie (so if we fuck first night yeah one night stands are cool) but absolutely nothing less. If you didn’t wanna immediately fuck me more than anyone you’ve ever met then we aren’t getting married and thats the ultimate gameplan here.

avoriure · 2022-05-21T18:26:17+00:00

i honestly don’t understand having sex on the 1st date or even 3rd date, that person is still a stranger to you. i dated a guy who was honestly one of the most good-looking people i’ve ever seen like EVER. he pushed for sex on the first date and i still denied him even though my body was telling me to jump on him lol i just can’t give my body to a man i literally don’t know. idk why the time someone makes you wait for sex is so important to men. maybe i just think with my head and not with my lady parts lol

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-05-21T19:11:57+00:00

I don't care. High N count is high N count period

cuckedalt · 2022-05-21T16:13:36+00:00

When men hear things like this, it angers them.

Uh ok so don't be with someone that angers you?

Ilarva · 2022-05-21T16:21:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

urukshai · 2022-05-21T18:36:37+00:00

Disgusting. Not wife or girlfriend material, a bomb of cheating and ugly divorce waiting. I would leave without even before she even ends explaining.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-05-21T19:26:50+00:00

Descriptions are pretty accurate. But I don’t believe this “You’re nice guy ‘boyfriend material’ so I’m gonna make you wait while I fuck chad” thing actually happens as often as men here tend to think. A woman may have had an ONS or FWB at some time in her life and want to wait at another time, but if she wants to wait, it’s unlikely she’s been sleeping around with other guys during or directly before dating you. She probably had a bad experience at some point and doesn’t want to repeat it. And there are plenty of women who simply don’t do casual sex at all.

Catherine772023 · 2022-05-21T16:23:37+00:00

These guys need to realise it doesn’t mean you really liked those other men if they really were just for sex.

Any more than many men like their ONS or “sluts”.

They need to realise that wanting to get to know someone isn’t the same as not being attracted.

If your girlfriend has lots of hot sex with you now she probably is attracted to you!!!!!!!!!

Wanting to be patient (and probably not pumped and dumped and this happens more because so many men pump and dump) doesn’t mean lack of attraction it just means liking.

If he really loved her he would be grateful she stayed with him instead. Unless he doesn’t do casual sex and has principles against it.

wtknight · 2022-05-21T18:14:31+00:00

what does someone get from you at each level?

I only have sex in relationships, so there would have sex with me if there were no love attachment.

Urbanwitch666 · 2022-05-21T17:38:40+00:00

ONS: I only did them when I was an unhappy, unloved teenager to avoid being involuntary celebate. I wouldn't do them again, they made me feel hollow and used.

FwB: it's insanely rare I'd jump into bed quickly in this scenario but has happened. I expect being treated as a friend primarily, and I enjoy this dynamic as its less intense than a relationship and more focused on fun.

Relationship: I'm actually way more likely to quickly become intimate if I think it's a solid one. My current partner of 7 years I lept into bed with second date.

I have a high body count. I don't care, I've never had an issue finding relationships, nobody has ever complained. I don't bother counting. I find it frankly immature and meaningless. Who cares who I was 10 years ago. I'm in a poly relationship so I still occasionally have a new lover, but I'm slow, rarely more than one a year.

HumanNumber348 · 2022-05-21T21:07:12+00:00

I see comments basically saying "most women aren't worth waiting several months for, I would only do it if she was exceptionally great" all the time on this subreddit. How can you people say things like that and still act surprised when women use it as a test to see how much you are into them? Women want to be desired. They don't want to be the woman who was only worth it because she put out easily.

andwhoami_ · 2022-05-21T20:41:32+00:00

Are you asking a woman's perspective? Bc you answered your own question at the end of your post. This is more about men being denied sex (feel gross just saying it) and what you perceive to be women's "excuses" for doing so.

And Jesus Christ get it fast? Making him wait? Sex is a prize? Why tf does having sex with someone who 100% wants to have sex with you not come into the equation at all?

Also, you're failing to mention that men simultaneously want sex immediately from women while thinking they're sluts for "giving in" fast.

Pro-tip: Don't pressure anyone into having sex with you. Honestly, don't even ask the "why" bc no one needs to justify their lack of consent. I'm not even sure why you need to know if your partner has had a ONS or FWB. You should have a talk about STDs and staying protected of course, but I really don't see why someone's sexual history matters. And if someone decides they would like to disclose their sexual history to you (and you're comfortable with that) don't ask why they had sex with someone else faster. That just goes back into pressuring someone.

On top of all that, really only the ONS counts to your point. If you have a friend with benefits (key word here being friends) then you probably didn't start having sex with them right away. If you just met someone and immediately started having sex with them then that's just a purely physical relationship. They're just some person you fuck regularly or semi-regularly. You could always develop a friendship later but I wouldn't call it FWB until an actual friendship has been established.

toasterchild · 2022-05-21T20:17:39+00:00

ONS - one time thing and nobody wants anything more. THis is either a fun and done or woops and done. Could be physical attraction could just be raging hormones and lack of options.

FWB - i think almost always one of the partners is more attached than they are willing to admit. Usually at least one person has some emotions attached, whether or not they are willing to admit that to themself is a different thing. .

Relationship - they may make you wait for sex or they may not. If they do it's likely because they are terrified about how you will judge them, orr they are afraid of getting hurt if they tend to get too attached after having sex.

If you don't want to wait tell them you don't want to wait.

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melody_of_ · 2022-05-21T17:47:41+00:00

Friends with benefits tends to be people you've known for a while. While genuine relationships tend to start with less "testing time"?

In my experience at least.

Pilling_it · 2022-05-21T20:02:30+00:00

A lot of men (I'm guilty of this as well), get hung up on a woman's sexual past and her having sex with other guys fast while making him wait.

I'm over getting angry about that honestly. Technically I'm not against taking things slow because there are instances where it's good, and if we're made to work with each other, it will.

What matters is that things happen organically to feel right, and that's often what the theories of PPD can't convey. If she's making me purposely wait, I'll assume I'm just not hot enough for her and move on.

As for answering the question...

ONS- I'd need to be beyond drunk for that to happen, because I like to fuck someone I'm getting to know, even if it's just sex, than a bunch of strangers. It's weird to me.

Fwb is exactly what it says to me : I'm friend with her, we do shit friends do, and talk, and all that. It's just that I fuck her as well.

Fuckbuddy would be the same thing without the friend part. Technically doable, but I'd need to be in sync as fuck sexual tastes wise to keep seeing her.

Relationship is her seeing who I am beyond the fun part and honeymoon phase. More serious.

It's just increasing the personal implication really.

Bikerbats · 2022-05-21T20:53:54+00:00

A one night stand is someone you just met, clicked with, but don't plan to meet again for whatever reasons.

My experience has been that all the FWB's I ever had were women I'd previously dated, and while we were horribly incompatible, we were good in bed together.

A relationship is just someone you've developed mutual feelings with and you're trying to make it work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-05-21T22:01:19+00:00

ONS: No familiarity, no relationship is present. Impersonal.
FWB: Familiarity and personal without vulnerability. A relationship without formal/public monogamous [or commitment ex; poly] deal being made.
Fuck buddy: Familiarity and impersonal. An impersonal relationship built off sexual utility.
Romantic relationship: A commitment/monogamous deal has been made.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-05-21T23:50:07+00:00

One night is a ons. Multiple times is casual sex or dating. Hooking up w a friend multiple times without being romantic or having an arrangement w someone for only sex is fwb. Relationship is only if you have the bf/gf talk or get married though you have a “relationship” w like your mailman, linguistically.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-05-22T00:50:12+00:00

I was just talking about this at a club event the other day with a Chinese girl I had just met who was curious about dating culture in the USA, as she's single and trying to date.

This is what I said:

when you start out meeting someone, you're not assumed to be exclusive. You must assume they're dating other people. At some point when one or the other person gets the vibe that they like the other person and want to see them for something beyond a purely sexual relationship (i.e. after a ONS you keep hitting them up beyond booty call), then the person who feels like that broaches the subject. Then they have open communication about what they want or don't want -- either they DTR fully and they're bf and gf, or they decide to go exclusive but keep it casual/un titled, or they decide to keep seeing eachother without being exclusive -- yet everything is open and on the table. No lying or assumptions.

So in short:

ONS is what happens first, and is a ONS if you don't talk ever again.

Second, you decide what you want with said partner, and see what they want.

A relationship is a title, explicit romance, and a likely track towards extremely serious things like marriage or moving in together.

Then the fwb/situation ship thing is you like the person enough to spend time with them but due to some reason (in my past one, it was distance) you or they refuse to title it. This can be exclusive (like mine is) and that way you don't have to use condoms or worry about finding anyone else - or it can be non exclusive.

Emotions/catching feels can be involved at any of the 3 levels, but they're inappropriate at the ONS level.

AelfredRex · 2022-05-22T02:06:14+00:00

ONS = trying each other out physically

FWB = liked the physical, now trying each other out psychologically

LTR = liked the physical and psychological, time to go deeper

Hjelmert · 2022-05-22T04:20:47+00:00

A fwb is the same as a relationship imo. If a guy is a good friend and a good lay (fwb), why not date him? A ons would be a guy who looks decent enough and makes me feel desired, when i'm sexually desperate. Relationship matierial is a guy who is a good friend (which includes making me laugh and me making him laugh, shares similar worldview, we have chemistry), plus he looks decent and makes me horny.

To clarify, i would never make a guy wait if i genuinely desired him and i felt that sleeping with him would be a net positive for me. I've never sorted guys into "instant sex" and "wait until committment" categories. I have a body count of 1 and we got together because of raw desire and extremely compatible personalities, still going strong 4 years later.

Novadina · 2022-05-22T05:31:17+00:00

ONS: one night only, probably met at a party

FWB: a friend who is a booty call when we’re both single, reliable good sex, non-exclusive. Mine have always been actual friends, so we would hang out and do shit, and when we weren’t single we go on double dates and stuff. I have one friend where we tried a relationship and it didn’t work so we just downgraded back to friends, but still had sexual chemistry and good sex so when single we’d sleep together sometimes.

Relationship: monogamous and in love, intention to find out if we can be together permanently.

I have never waited to have sex except my first two relationships when I was not an adult and still a virgin. It wasn’t me “making him wait” then, either, we were both virgins and just not ready to have sex. If a man wanted sex at a certain time and I didn’t for some long as time later, or visa versa, I’d think we just weren’t compatible. People who want to wait 3 months should get with other people who want to wait that long, or at least are happy to do so, not try to get with people who really want it immediately and are angry if they don’t get it. I would also never want to date someone who thought sex with me was a “prize”, that’s really weird! I dated guys who I had sexual chemistry with and who thought sex was a mutually enjoyable experience for two people to have together, as I think of it. I enjoy sex and like it to be fun for everyone, not as some kind of reward I’m doling out to a man, that sounds like he’d be having the fun and I’d be some kind of parent figure handing out orgasms as stars or something - yuck.

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-05-22T07:28:44+00:00

ONS: Exactly what it says, one night and you're gone.

F-Buddy: Booty call basically. Sort of a long term ONS option. Not exclusive.

FWB: You fuck and hang out, but no relationship strings attached, as in the arrangement can be broken off at any with no hurt feelings (in theory). Sometimes exclusive.

Relationship: You care for eachother on a deeper level, invest time in eachother, take eachother into account when making big life decisions, plan a life together, etc.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-05-22T12:12:29+00:00

If a girl makes you wait for sex, that means she is not interested in you.

Thats true. As a victim of this game, if I am ever in a relationship, I give the 30 day rule. After that, I won't take her seriously anymore.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-05-22T13:37:36+00:00

Ons is how I meet the guy

FF is how we do the first weeks

Relationship is going official

mmck · 2022-05-23T23:32:40+00:00

All of the above are meaningless terms which obscure the fact that sex apart from commitment is exactly that: sex apart from commitment.

And sex apart from commitment is not love, it is an agreement to a sort of mutual masturbation with another person's body. A transaction.

And how to describe the sequelae of STDs, unplanned pregnancies, broken homes?

Best not. Just copulate at will and damn the consequences. Dopamine is all.

If you do what everyone else does, you get what everyone else gets. Fornication is ruining people, communities, nations - the world.

Title	In your opinion, what is the difference between a One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits (or F-Buddy), and a Relationship?
Author	theorangesmile
Upvotes	30
Comments	213
Date	May 21, 2022 3:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uupnrn/in_your_opinion_what_is_the_difference_between_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/in-your-opinion-what-is-the-difference-between-a.1119090 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119090

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