Men still don't know how women decide their mate.

MuertaDeLS · 2021-11-27T18:44:30+00:00

Who fits every criteria? This is what I wanna know lmao... That "waiting for the perfect man" meme comes to mind...

NewWayNow · 2021-11-27T15:40:22+00:00

Just shower bro

MGTOWManofMystery · 2021-11-27T17:07:56+00:00

Men need to understand that 80-90% of men don't trigger infatuation. As such, men need to chart their own course and maximize personal happiness and self-actualization and devise a relationship or sexual strategy accordingly.

DeJuanBallard · 2021-11-27T17:06:05+00:00

There's no misunderstanding, you don't like the things said so it's easier for you to believe that we have it wrong, instead of the way u pick being ineffective toward what you claim is your long term goal.

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2021-11-27T23:16:49+00:00

Men are learning at a record pace thanks to the internet and the wisdom of other Men.

Societal collapse will follow as the beta men who built and maintain society slowly check out.

SporkydaDork · 2021-11-27T19:37:58+00:00

The disconnect here is there are guys who can fit all of the needs for the brain and fit few of the needs for infactuation and the guy that fits her infactuation will over come the brain 80% of the time.

So yea we know it's complex because we can't get a truly reliable handle of what women actually want. Because they contradict each other constantly.

We know that ultimately when she's ready to settle down she's gonna listen to her brains. But until then she's not checking for any of the guys her brain likes.

Maj_DickBong · 2021-11-28T00:55:27+00:00

This is my sign that I need to leave this sub else I'll probably end up unalive by the end of next week.

Goodbye, all.

Paramoth · 2021-11-27T15:18:17+00:00

Why does the word "Mate" makes me irk? What is this? National Geographic?

GaryClarksJuniors · 2021-11-27T17:28:31+00:00

I would actually argue having long hair and pulling it off as a man is hyper masculine trait. If you look at long hair on men throughout history, it becomes more apparent. Traditionally it was a sign of a warrior, but even during the post medieval period long hair-styled wigs were very common by both men and women. The clean cut style is newer, but also fluctuated as you see in the 60’s and 70’s it was more acceptable for men to have longer hair. Also depends on country and culture. Like Chinese warriors all wore top knots but today you won’t find a CCP official that isn’t clean cut.

daddysgotanew · 2021-11-27T15:38:00+00:00

31 separate conditions to be met and that comes AFTER the fact that he’s “hot”, which by women’s standards 90 percent of men aren’t.

Enjoy the cats ladies…

dbz19 · 2021-11-27T15:13:12+00:00

Could have just said money, looks, and personality and saved everyone this blog post.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-11-27T13:52:09+00:00

they dont want to be the man she "considers" with her brain, they want to be the man she lusts after with her knish

BasicallyYogurt · 2021-11-27T20:29:05+00:00

Forgot the footnote:

Most if not all qualities listed are optional if sufficiently attractive

sunkized · 2021-11-27T14:11:30+00:00

300 dollar sun glasses + bmw

Von_Buttmunchen · 2021-11-27T15:31:38+00:00

Women going with Beta Bux just means that she trusted her frontal lobe over primal instinct. Which isn't always a bad thing

Maybe not for her (although I doubt she would be happy with that too), but your blindspot here is: What's in it for him? That list of yours is all well and good, and I don't disagree with any of it. All very sensible and congruent with observable facts.

But what you're forgetting is that guys too want something out of a relationship:

1) Get fucked and blow me like you mean it.

2) Add value to my life beyond sex.

So what's in it for a guy to be in a relationship with a woman who isn't into him, and never was? He isn't getting any sex, and if he is, it's just pity/duty sex until the inevitable dead bedroom. And once that's out the window, any thing else of value she could possibly bring to his life, there are far cheaper ways of getting that. He can hire women to cook and clean for him, he can have human interaction with his mates, he can get a dog if he needs to feel needed. And so on and so forth.

I don't see what's in it for the man in question here if he doesn't appeal to her primal as well as her rational. And the same goes for her too btw: It's going to be a frustrating experience for a man to enter an LTR or marriage with a woman who only appeals to his needs for a madonna, and not at all to his needs for a good whore.

Alpha fux/beta bux and whore/madonna: These aren't mutually exclusive concepts. To have a successful LTR or marriage, you need both sides of those equations.

Saitama1993 · 2021-11-27T16:02:57+00:00

Now the man version:

Does she want to fuck me?

BassPotato · 2021-11-27T14:01:21+00:00

All of this is moot if the guy is hot lol. “Beta bux” is never an enviable position and should never be seen as a positive by the man put in that position. Stop trying to stroke the ego’s of men who would otherwise be undesirable.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

ChocolateSharp · 2021-11-27T14:24:16+00:00

Wow, so women decide their mate similarly to men? No way!

Bara-enthusiast · 2021-11-27T22:52:51+00:00

So women are kind of overly entitled by default

herefortheparty01 · 2021-11-27T16:10:25+00:00

We don’t chase anymore. Good luck. Otherwise this is all common. Any dude that says otherwise is deluded.

Zerofication · 2021-11-27T16:46:15+00:00

You're making it more complex, not simpler. It's easier to think about it in terms of the final cause, is it primarily pleasure or primarily utility? For the 1st one, focus will be on looks and the dark triad traits, for the 2nd one however focus will be on money and masculine protective traits.

SeaSquirrel · 2021-11-27T17:55:03+00:00

I know this isn’t the point of this post, but half of your “masculine markers” are BS. Short hair? Last time I checked both men and women’s hair naturally grow long. And intelligence? What?

StrongLiterature9274 · 2021-11-27T18:26:27+00:00

Alpha faxx Beta buxx

Withnail- · 2021-11-27T19:04:15+00:00

What age and what kind of relationship is my question. Teen , early 20s is fun, almost magical, it’s about fun and exploration. Sexual attractiveness for both genders is on equal footing for men and women. That’s how “ bad boys” sneak in and sometimes impregnate those hordes of single moms you will meet in their mid 30s. For more cautious women after 25 who avoid that mistake , it starts being about the “ plan”

Financial Security
The house

3.The babies

Social status among their peer and family group derived from from the first three.

It’s about the money. Evolutionary biology tells us this and it’s heavily reinforced by everything from religion, rom- coms, romance novels, Disney princess memes, advertising agencies, the Wedding industry, and legally reinforced by divorce attorneys and family courts which provide a safety net for women should they become dissatisfied at any point.

Result?

“According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and about 80 percent of the divorces are initiated by women”

https://www.divorcesource.com/blog/why-women-file-80-percent-of-divorces/

Hypergamy is biological, so while you shouldn’t get angry or take it personally, you should as a man understand what you’re dealing with. It’s like being surprised when a hungry bear attacks a camping ground, it’s just it’s nature, it’s not evil.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-11-27T20:14:01+00:00

Sorry, but this needs to be clarified.

Is it "infatuation for girls" and "mate evaluation for women"?

Or is it "mate evaluation that still includes all of the physical markers of infatuation?"

Women seem to consider 80% of men unqualified to be mates based on their facial pictures alone. And they're trying to find a guy with 31 (or more) mate qualities from a pool of men that outnumbers their own demographic 4 to 1. (80% of women are looking for a mate among 20% of men).

Certainly serial monogamy applies to both genders but relationships end for both men and women. As such, one could say (the new sentence?)"

He's not yours, it's just your turn.

Erwinblackthorn · 2021-11-27T20:23:00+00:00

As you can see it's a complex process

It actually isn't. In reality it's very simple.

It just doesn't depend on one thing.

It actually does. That one thing is comfort.

Getting several of these right can be good enough.

Because most of the 31 questions are not at all related to what a woman looks for in what they desire in a man. Specifically friend circles and sexism.

Reducing this into simple ideologies might make you miserable.

I can kind of agree with this, because this is why feminists are miserable in the dating game, even though they get what they claim they want out of it. However, Ideologies that have the woman keep her child, raise a family, and keep the father of her child with her as a spouse are both statistically and historically what keeps a woman the most happy.

As for the list, I can go through each one and explain why it's about comfort or that it's nonsensical.

Money : would he be able to support a family?

This is about comfort, plain and simple. Money isn't even the actual issue, it's just what we have been conditioned to believe is the issue. If we were in a situation without a civilization, women would want to fuck the men who can bring food to the hovel and make such a hovel.

Pursuit : is he really into me? Will he go out of his way for what I want or am I a convenient option

This has nothing to do with what a woman wants. This is just something a selfish and lazy person thinks about. Every interaction we have possible is the convenient option. We don't hop over a crowd at a bar to then leave the bar, go to another city, and then crawl through a minefield to meet some random girl.

Personality : do we get along?

More like "will he put up with my bullshit" and this has way less to do with personality and more to do with temperament and respect of life. If he is savage, he's a threat to the baby, and a threat to the baby is something a woman wouldn't want unless she's conditioned to become anti-human.

Friendship : is he a friend?

This doesn't matter at all to a woman. Women don't get wet over celebrities and models because they think they will be able to chat with them. Friendly is a benefit, sure, but friendship is not even something to be considered unless the woman is suffering from some kind of alienation or ability to hold a friendship with other women.

Emotional stability: Can he help me stabilize my mood during emotionally challenging times like pregnancy, PMSing and the general lows of life

This is not the man's job and we don't fucking care about your emotions unless we're conditioned to become a white knight who fakes it for pussy. We are not designed to be your emotional support animal. We are simply there to be the voice of reason and women enjoy a reasonable man because he won't make her emotions worse and he won't take her spot as the bitch.

Conversation : Can I talk to him for the rest of my life?

Women just want to be social in general, not specially to a spouse or mate. Again, it's less to do with the man being social with them and more to do with whether or not the man would put up with their bullshit. We're not there for male-to-female conversation. We'd prefer you don't talk at all.

Compassion: does he care about those weaker than him?

This is just about the idea of seeing an example of whether or not the man would be violent to a child, and so as long as he doesn't beat people up or kill kids for fun, it's all good. It has nothing to do with caring about weaker people in a compassionate way. This is why psychopaths are attractive to women and why they still exist.

Fatherhood: can he be a good father? Does he care for kids?

This one is a given and related to comfort and number 1. It's the same thing.

Kind heart: is he a man of honor or deceit?

A woman checks for this mostly because deceit is her job, she would see a deceitful man as feminine. It's not a manly thing to do. However, if he deceives in a way that keeps her comfortable, she wouldn't care unless she's really conditioned to think honor is really important. Just look at any car dealer with a mate.

Love: does he love me or am I a passing phase?

I think this one is cute, but it's usually not a factor unless by love we mean something that will keep a man dedicated to staying long term.

LTR: is he capable of holding a LTR?

This is comfort. There's no reason for a woman to put herself at risk again if she already has a mate to take care of her children.

Maturity: is he mature enough to know what it take to start a family or is he still a kid

Same like 1 and 8. It's the same question over comfort.

Sex: Do we jam?

Surprisingly a woman wouldn't really care as long as she can get pregnant. The female orgasm is not really important, even to the female, before modern times. Funny enough, women didn't even really consider it until sex became more glorified and vibrators were introduced to treat the mentally ill. The "jam" is just a selfish and egotistical factor, not a woman factor.

Do I feel safe with him?

1, 8, 12

Can he make me orgasm?

Same as 13, it's not a woman factor at all.

Is he a good support system?

1, 8, 12, 14

Will association with him lift my social status?

1, 8, 12, 14, 16. Social status means nothing and it's not the man's responsibility. It's not something a woman even really thinks about unless she's conditioned to think it's important.

Can I learn something from him?

I actually don't understand what this one is about. It seems very nurtured rather than what a woman wants. Either that or it's asking "can he be a leader" and that just goes back to comfort and seeking a man who's masculine.

Does he balance my weaknesses ?

If by weakness you mean femininity, then sure, but I wouldn't consider femininity a weakness.

Does he respect other women?

There is zero reason for a woman to care if a man even acknowledges the presence of another woman, let alone respects them, especially after they already have the man. The only reason a woman would even consider that as a factor is if they are conditioned through radicalized feminism or is interested in a threesome. Maybe if that other woman is the woman's mother, it might be a factor, but it's less to do with respecting women and more about respecting the family unit or the symbol of motherhood.

Is he sexist?

Fun fact: women love sexist men. They love that men objectify them because they women aim to be the object of desire. It wasn't until recent that ugly women who failed in the market decided to glorify the toxic idea of hating objectification, all because they wanted their genes to carry on as well.

In reality, sexism from women causes a woman to marry earlier and have kids earlier, while sexism from men causes a woman to not really care about getting a job, which isn't a factor because women working for money is arbitrary. It wasn't a requirement for the longest time, civilization advanced without them working, and we survived with women becoming spinsters if their eggs were rotten.

It wasn't until around the 1800s during first wave feminism where sexism was even considered a thing, and that was mostly over legal matters like owning a house or voting, not simply want makes a woman want a mate. Sexism among mating didn't become considered until 3rd wave feminism, especially since second wave was totally fine with women being women as long as they could be sexual degenerates.

With him does my life change for the better or worse?

That's comfort.

Do I like his friend circle?

Women do NOT care about a man's friend group at all. The factor may be if the friend group is a group of terrorists or gang members or something that could be a threat if they are present constantly, but that is less about friend circles and more about comfort and safety.

Is his upbringing, and attitude on life something that I agree with?

This is just asking if the man is masculine. If he's raised to be a soy boy, he's not as attractive, naturally. This then goes back to comfort.

Does he groom? Is he clean?

This is just a general disgust factor. It's for health and comfort for both men and women.

Is he dependable?

Comfort.

Does he have a positive outlook on life?

Women don't care about positivity in a man, but rather a grounded mindset that doesn't have him being the bitch of the relationship. If he's always negative and complaining, the woman might as well date another woman and be a lesbian. If a man is irrationally positive at all times like a maniac, that's either deceitful or insane, and that would be a contradiction with number 9.

Is he fun ?

This is not about fun but comfort and checking to see if the man is able to get along with children.

Does his past relationship history have any red flag?

This is about comfort and just for anything in general. Red flags show habits and bad habits are not wanted by either male or female and for when you want any kind of social interaction with anyone.

Does he have any red flags that I should be aware of?

This is just 29 phrased differently.

Are we in the same place in life?

I have no idea what this one is even asking. Same location? Same amount of wealth? Same age? Either way, the only one that matters is location in order to have the child and contact.

Wildhouse83 · 2021-11-27T23:16:28+00:00

Basically, this is AFBB.

Due to female hypergamy, only a minority of men are able to fall at least in one of the two categories, not to mention in both simultaneously.

Commercial-Engineer3 · 2021-11-28T01:19:27+00:00

Does he respect other women?

Respect is always earned not given.

nevetz100 · 2021-11-28T05:38:15+00:00

Men & women alike are attracted to jackasses. Pop culture has ruined North America.

Read any gossip magazine for further education on the matter.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-11-27T15:07:41+00:00

This is a decent list. Well done.

Blackheart201992 · 2021-11-27T15:34:14+00:00

They pick the best looking guy. There's literally nothing else to it - the rest is just nonsense you women like to make up in your heads so you can pretend you're more complex than you actually are.

RRBeachFG2 · 2021-11-27T16:52:39+00:00

Men want to be appreciated for the sex, women want to be appreciated for everything else.

gizzmotech · 2021-11-27T16:22:27+00:00

As a man who managed a 22-year marriage with kids and who is in a second LTR that is tracking toward marriage, this all tracks. I shake my head at all the guys who don't get this, that think everything is about being hot and clean and rich and who don't understand there are so many other things involved in being a good partner to a quality woman.

lestratege · 2021-11-27T15:19:31+00:00

Money : would he be able to support a family?

Pursuit : is he really into me? Will he go out of his way for what I want or am I a convenient option

This is hilarious. The first question is "Is he a convenient option for me by being able to support me and my kids? if yes good." and the second question is "Am I a convenient option to him? If yes, then not good."

Women and consistency, not even once.

AnabolicPenguin · 2021-11-27T15:18:04+00:00

hahahah you think kindness matters beta bucks billy must be having a great time. I mean I see my chad friends that say what they want and don't care get sex all the time.... Im to tired to even finish Im tired of the gaslighting and lies even when women irl have told me red pill truths.

E-2-butene · 2021-11-27T15:16:48+00:00

Sounds like the take away is there are no “well functioning women.”

Joking aside, I think it’s worth decoupling being “attractive” and “arousing.” You’re describing things that make guys attractive. It’s typically things that make guys good LTR options, good dads, good providers, and good for emotional support. Arousal, meanwhile, are traits that make women want to fuck you, even if they think you would make a shit partner. Being attractive isn’t bad, but there’s a huge imbalance in importance in the modern dating world.

Unfortunately from the male perspective, arousing is going to be the primary characteristic of any importance. Guys who are neither arousing nor attractive don’t get women at all, but guys who are attractive but not arousing get wives who secretly want to fuck everyone but him. So under every circumstance, focusing most of your energy toward being arousing is the important part. It’s kind of like a prisoners dilemma where it’s always optimal to pick “arousing” even if being attractive isn’t necessarily bad.

There’s also the element that women will break their rules for arousing guys and not vice versa, but other commenters seem to be handling that aspect.

LalaTheSecond · 2021-11-27T13:47:59+00:00

They know. They just want women to act impulsively like a man does because they know they don't have much going for them.

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Queef2Queef · 2021-11-27T18:02:05+00:00

I probably know the answer but can a woman tell me if being short and bald is a worst case scenario for picking someone to have kids with ?

Rough_Collections · 2021-11-27T19:54:32+00:00

The problem isnt the 31 step process (though it's a frustratingly complicated proposition) the problem is it get thrown out at the slightest chance of getting a Chad. Any product that doesn't have equal pricing for all customers is only worth as much your cheapest customer. While women might value Chad enough to give him some of her greatest assets affection and intimacy. Other men who don't value the attraction of men see it as an indication of a cheap product. 100 years ago women understood that just because he was cute didn't mean he got access to my intimacy. Men had to bring alot to the table so the product was deemed valuable and the process worthy. Men understand female intimacy we just won't tolerate unfair pricing.

KamuiObito · 2021-11-27T23:25:08+00:00

I think they pick the best option available no mater what even if he did negative shit if he the best option they want him..

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-27T14:09:30+00:00

If this is actually true, the reason might be because women don't either.

Anyway, it's a combination of factors that all boil down to how any individual woman feeeeels about a particular man.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-11-27T14:11:29+00:00

Most men do know. Just not socially inept men who never bother seeing women as people.

Reducing this into simple ideologies might make you miserable.

They're already miserable people. They just want to justify why they're miserable, so it's never their own fault.

Very Young Girls going after infatuation and not evaluating (Chad) is probably because they are still immature.

They want to be Chad. They pretend they want a happy healthy relationship but they just want their dicks wet.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2021-11-27T14:46:29+00:00

Men will never truly understand women's attraction so long as they dominate the top positions of society. They're no way to communicate to the masses a female perspective so long as that is the case. They can argue back and forth until they're blue in the face and individual women can attempt to guide them but it wont work.

The reason everyone knows what men like is because their perspective is the default communicated through mass media and culture for decades, centuries even.

lemurianelf · 2021-11-27T14:02:52+00:00

The men who struggle in dating fail in the majority of these criteria. A man who is confident is likely to be better looking and more successful. It's a snowball effect. They also have not been hurt by women as much so they're kinder to everyone especially women.

A man who's never gotten attention is probably unattractive, not confident and less successful. They go together. Never having much if any success with women, he emanates a misogyny smell that us women are familiar with. The kind that calls us females.

In other words, they know exactly what they're missing and the more they rage at that thought, the more unattractive they become.

rredirt · 2021-11-27T16:21:20+00:00

All that basically sums up with : does he have a will to live and not attached to Thanatos? To have a girlfriend that’s all you really need.

Awan-Zada · 2021-11-27T16:37:14+00:00

Quite a long list but most women in the West don't even meet the criteria for a LTR. I don't see why any man in a sex positive/liberal society who can get a woman to sleep with him needs to be in a relationship with most women.

dres_sler · 2021-11-27T23:19:34+00:00

Christ, with a laundry list that long no wonder the average man doesn’t cut it.

Stay on that grind kings!

/s

wtknight · 2021-11-27T15:25:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Gigamon2014 · 2021-11-27T14:29:37+00:00

Seriously?

My instinct wanted me to go for a Mercedes CLA 200 AMG but the high monthly payments and shitty interest meant my frontal lobe went with a 2018 Honda Civic.

Which car do you think is more desirable....

MrManwithNoName2021 · 2021-11-27T13:46:27+00:00

This was a great write up.

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-11-27T16:01:59+00:00

is sexist

"17. Not a sexist"

So, it's fine for. You to be sexist, but not for Him?

OneDumbPony · 2021-11-27T15:50:13+00:00

And reading that post it still looks like men don't know how women decide their mate. I don't like muscles and prefer ~pudge~ and very few women think "can he support me while I'm PMSing?"... I don't pms at all, I'm only moody when I'm in physical pain that has me crying for 2-3 days straight. I'm not even going to address some of the other issues I have with certain points.

Some of these however are just basic green flags that men use too, such as your partner being well groomed and being fun to hang out with.

2021-11-28T00:04:53+00:00

After talking to a large amount of women I can definitely say that this is bullshit 😂 the only part you got right is money

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-11-27T20:50:32+00:00

You are missing one: genetic match potential by pheromone detection.

Many times a girl is like "I like him". And that's it.

Gerpstarg · 2021-11-28T03:48:07+00:00

Women going with Beta Bux just means that she trusted her frontal lobe over primal instinct. Which isn't always a bad thing.

It isnt a bad thing, I just dont want to be a provider for a girl who spent time fucking 24/7 with pretty boys while I was studying 24/7 for an engineering degree to get those money. If you did not give me the love when I needed it, dont try to pretend that you love me now, just to get my money. And why would I need an old out of shape woman past her prime? I can just get an 18 yr old and bang her instead, while giving get crumbs.

You see, for generations fathers were choosing girls husbands and trying to preserve their virginity untill mariage to prevent this exact situation, now women are strong and independent, they waste time when they are pretty and sexy to slut around instead of securing a Beta Bux and then they end up being unwanted by men. As soon as a woman hits 27-28, she is not sexy anymore. She looses any chance of being anywhere in life, because her main currency is sex. Men stay productive until 70s. A man could peak intellectually or creatively as an architect or a doctor very late and be at the top for way way longer. Our currency is experience and knowledge and we get better with time. And 45 yr old men band 20yr olds. 50 yr old men bang 20yr olds. Even 60 yr old men bang 20 yr olds.

FairInvestigator · 2021-11-27T14:13:00+00:00

It's actually a lot simpler than that and it also is dependent on the individual, rather than a list that can be applied to everyone. Attractiveness of mate is dependent on their perceived capacity and willingness to meet needs and goals.

Montoya and Horton (2013). https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1088868313501887

Alfaq_duckhead · 2021-11-27T18:12:10+00:00

Neat summary. Saving this

Title	Men still don't know how women decide their mate.
Author	_Helicopter
Upvotes	78
Comments	478
Date	November 27, 2021 6:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r37i1w/men_still_dont_know_how_women_decide_their_mate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-still-dont-know-how-women-decide-their-mate.1086338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086338

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