What is your opinion on men who will not marry women whose parents are divorced?

EulenWatcher · 2022-09-07T11:45:28+00:00

A person has more chances to have a healthy view on relationship and marriage if they themselves come from a healthy household, but it isn't a 100% guarantee. As not all miserable couples divorce, some stay together and do a good job at pretending to be a well-functioning family unit. Also considering current divorce rates you're going to eliminate a good chunk of your dating pool.

DaoMark · 2022-09-07T12:10:08+00:00

I have seen men not wanting to marry previously divorced women, but I have never seen this one lol

I guess I am not up to date on the new fuckery that is the dating scene

2022-09-07T12:32:27+00:00

I have this opinion but my roots are from the eastern hemisphere where family history counts for a lot more.

It’s weird to hear this from western white people.

gofigure62 · 2022-09-07T13:52:15+00:00

I don't have any opinion. I think people are allowed to reject anyone that they want from their dating pool. No one "has" to date anyone that they don't want to date.

Dating isn't an "equal opportunity" access mission for every single person. People are allowed to reject anyone for any reason.

KekeSmall · 2022-09-07T16:32:46+00:00

If they feel that way then going by their logic women should completely avoid men who were raised by single mothers.

wtknight · 2022-09-07T12:08:17+00:00

Almost family goes through crap. Just because one person’s family chose divorce due to that crap and another person’s family did not does not necessarily make that second person nor stable. That person could still be worse off if his or her parents were constantly fighting despite staying married.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-09-07T11:56:19+00:00

I wouldn't personally rule a woman out for it but a person's family/upbringing affects who they are as an adult. I've heard a few women saying they wouldn't get together with a man who's father had walked out on him as a child for similar reasons.

elephant-man- · 2022-09-07T12:38:39+00:00

sounds like something an actuary would suggest you do

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-09-07T13:53:56+00:00

Probably a smart move. Part of the reason I married my husband was because his parents still had a happy marriage whereas mine had been in a dead bedroom my entire life. And that was due in part to the fact that my mom’s parents were divorced. I figured at least one of us needed heathy role models if we were going to make this work.

Lameador · 2022-09-07T15:58:01+00:00

Parent divorce rate is strongly correlated to children divorce rate. Since divorce is especially harmfully to men, it's better not to ignore this red flag.

2022-09-07T17:07:11+00:00

Majority of divorces are toxic af and growing up around that messes them up

NocturnalCoder · 2022-09-07T12:46:11+00:00

That they are not very reflective. A good divorce is a much beter learning experience than a bad disfunctional family that stayed together. Or maybe that is what they want, someone who will stay no matter how shitty they treat them

New_Presentation_876 · 2022-09-07T13:08:02+00:00

It’s most likely due to the higher probability that children with divorced parents have some form of emotional/mental trauma related baggage and adults in relationships that have divorced parents are statistically more likely to end up divorced.

Tdlr; risk aversion

prizefighterstudent · 2022-09-07T13:33:20+00:00

Relationship with the father is usually best indicator.

throwaway2370978 · 2022-09-07T16:08:39+00:00

Same reason people don’t want to marry people with genetic diseases: high risk

social_mule · 2022-09-07T16:27:29+00:00

I completely support them.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-09-07T12:59:39+00:00

I grew up in a household where parents did not divorce although I wish they did. Because they did not, I suffered more years of traumatic events and it has caused difficulties in my marriage: my husband would suffer “secondary trauma” and did not know how to react to my family; to him abuse was not something he experienced and the subtle form of manipulation coming from the family made him question himself.

People better divorce and not stay together for the children!

Dagenius1 · 2022-09-07T16:23:34+00:00

Oh boy knowingly unpopular opinion incoming

First thing, I have female friends that had/have that same requirement. I think your premise is a bit needlessly gendered. That said I will speak from my own experience.

It was a requirement of mine for most of my single 20s life. I thought that I had to be with a woman who has seen a marriage work despite struggles and the ups and downs of life. At the time it seemed like girls who went through divorce would always see it as a realistic option. I didn’t want that. My female friends that came from divorced homes always talked so cavalierly about getting a divorce in hypothetical scenarios. Coulda been we were just hanging out and saying whatever but it confirmed my logic. I didn’t seriously date a girl from a divorced household from age 24-30.

Eventually I met a girl who had a lot of good qualities that came from a divorced household. We dated and she was one of the loves of my life. One day when hanging out with both her parents and her dads new wife they got into an argument that made me reconsider the entire relationship. We broke up and eventually I met my wife. Our parents are the same..married until death parted them. We will hopefully be the same.

TLDR: I had the “don’t date girls with divorced parents” rule in my 20s and do not regret it one bit. It’s in that category of things you can ask for if you can offer the same. It doesn’t mean those ladies are bad but they weren’t what I was looking for. A girls relationship with her father matters just like a guys with his mother. No apologies.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-09-07T13:06:51+00:00

Says more about him, sounds like it’s giving her a lucky escape

melody_of_ · 2022-09-07T13:39:16+00:00

If they have ability to chose I support them.

Clean_Mastodon5285 · 2022-09-07T11:56:50+00:00

Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

Barneysparky · 2022-09-07T12:00:47+00:00

People who grew up in stable loving homes create new stable loving homes.

Level_Ordinary_4581 · 2022-09-07T12:16:58+00:00

I wouldn't say it's a dealbreaker for me, but divorced parents increase the likelihood of the children eventually divorcing. It's not necessarily correlation = causation, but children do tend to look up to their parents as a model for their lives, and if they see their parents divorce, they are more inclined to view divorce as permissible.

However, growing up in a single-mother household is also correlated with early loss of virginity, more sex partners, drug abuse, etc. If the woman grew up in a divorced family and did not engage in those behaviors, I would not hold it against her.

My advice: Be more cautious if her parents are divorced.

Sad_Entertainer6312 · 2022-09-07T15:09:17+00:00

I've never heard of.this before, but now that I think about it, nearly every single one of my divorced friends has divorced parents, and most of my married friends have parents who never divorced

Lyndell · 2022-09-07T15:27:28+00:00

He might just not be that into you and is making excuses instead of telling you the truth.

Otfd · 2022-09-08T12:45:26+00:00

Personally, coming from a broken home I wouldn't care if my partner's parents were together.

But I get the perspective, because people with parents together see that it CAN work. It's probably easier if your parents divorced to do it in your own life, because you know that's an option.

shadyMFer · 2022-09-09T04:13:32+00:00

Smart. No, they're not blaming the woman, they're just acknowledging that she didn't have a healthy relationship dynamic modeled for her in childhood. This will inevitably negatively impact her ability to behave appropriately as an adult, unless she has put a lot of work into reflection. I will say that if she was raised by her father with her mother absent, I would still give her a chance. Girls raised by single dads turn out almost as good as girls raised in a nuclear family.

Railgunner79 · 2022-09-09T09:00:25+00:00

I haven’t really heard of that being a very important criteria for most men. The obvious reason for the ones that do feel that way is that the female of divorced parents is more likely to emotional trauma, daddy issues and not have any idea of how a successful marriage should be. I married one just like that and it was ROUGH. Trust and abandonment issues that often come from divorce is a pretty big thing to get over.

dbz19_kai · 2022-09-07T11:54:53+00:00

It's not a dealbreaker for me, but I think my wife's personal views on divorce, might be a dealbreaker. If she thinks divorce is an acceptable course of action if things go sour, it might signal we have incompatible views of marriage.

In my view, divorce should only really be an option in cases of infidelity and abuse.

2022-09-07T16:18:40+00:00

I am one of those.

I don't blame the woman. It is not her fault she grew up in a broken home.

But her problems don't have to become my problems. I can partner up with someone coming from a stable home and save me a world of pain down the line. Nothing personal.

volster · 2022-09-07T19:06:24+00:00

While yes-yes stereotypes = bad - various flavors of "broken" women, and in particular "daddy issues" and "bad crazy" are a thing and.... TBH best just avoided like the plague if you don't want your life ruined - If that was their environment growing up, it's more likely to have rubbed off on them.

It's a kinda shitty attitude, and especially so to outright announce that's why you're noping someone, but when playing Russian roulette - I can't say i blame guys who wanna try and avoid adding extra bullets to the cylinder.

That notwithstanding, you can't choose who your family are and it seems perverse to treat it as a red flag... Perhaps a yellow one at best to be on high-alert for the above i guess? The real issue is "Are you stable and well adjusted - Are you working to fix your shit?" 🤷‍♂️

Having some battle-scars from life is one thing - Living with unresolved baggage is quite another.

I can only speak for myself, but already having kids is more of a dealbreaker than whether someone had a perfect nuclear upbringing or not.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-09-07T12:32:15+00:00

Ridiculous personally. My husband and I take marriage more seriously than most people due to tge disastrous marriages and subsequent break ups of our parents

pferden · 2022-09-07T11:39:28+00:00

It’s somewhat nonsensical

houstongradengineer · 2022-09-07T12:48:10+00:00

If you don't want to marry someone based on something so easy to find out, I sure hope you aren't dating the woman for more than a couple of months or doing anything risky like probably sex.

chingness · 2022-09-07T12:55:57+00:00

Let the idiots tell on themselves. They aren’t good options for women so let them wave their red flags for all to see.

bunnakay · 2022-09-07T15:01:17+00:00

As a child of divorced parents, I wouldn't want to be with a man who thinks my mom should've stuck around to be abused further. It means he's probably abusive as well.

Demasii · 2022-09-07T14:13:37+00:00

Mostly full of shit.

I can understand if it's an ideal but if a man meet a woman who he really likes then he will not care.

People like to come up with logical reasons why they don't want to date or marry someone. These reasons are typically an afterthought.

People who have to deliberately focus on dating to find success tend to have time to break down and analyze external characteristics like this.

meteorness123 · 2022-09-07T15:20:10+00:00

don't give a shit. I'll use my own judgement and gut instincts with human interactions when getting to know somebody and not what somebody on the internet, an article or a "study" is telling me.

abaxeron · 2022-09-07T21:05:11+00:00

Good for them; considering how many thirsty simps are there, it's always nice seeing a man with standards.

like the blame is on the woman

Marriage is not a reward for being blameless. Just like... you know... sex is not a reward for being nice.

Ecocavalry · 2022-09-07T21:18:02+00:00

Reasonable and justified.

lady_ven0m · 2022-09-07T21:31:43+00:00

I think that’s pretty stupid. I know plenty of happily married women whose parents were divorced. Also, my parents are still together but I personally would rather be single than have a relationship like theirs. I suffered through a lot of trauma in my childhood because of it.

What’s next? Not dating adopted people? If you want to avoid risk, just don’t date at all. You’re in for a bad time.

People that have the best relationships have learned from experience btw, so it’s actually better to take risks and learn from them than to just avoid taking them at all. I apply this to pretty much all aspects of my life. No pain, no gain. You can recover from a lot and become resilient, if you allow yourself to. Also, set firm boundaries.

That being said, don’t be completely stupid. It’s reasonable not to want to date someone with a history of reckless decision making, addictions, cheating, and serious mental health disorders that they are not keeping in check. Sure, people change, but that would not be a calculated risk to take if they exhibit a series of destructive behavior. Simply coming from a “broken” home, that they had no part in breaking is not a valid reason. If they exhibit bad behavior because their parents being divorced traumatized them, that is a valid reason.

Ohms2North · 2022-09-08T00:04:11+00:00

“Like the blame is on the women”. Quit it with your victim mentality. No one is saying that.

Ohms2North · 2022-09-08T00:05:01+00:00

I don’t mind if a woman’s parents are divorced but she has to have a good relationship with her father and respect for him

Ramzabeo · 2022-09-08T01:39:28+00:00

Uhhh i come from a broken home, my dad left my mom after he became addicted to drugs, stole my kidney surgery money and dissapeared, id never do that to my son, if anything knowing that was my father it makes me want to be a better dad

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-08T03:43:46+00:00

I find when someone has unhealthy parents as an example 1 of 2 things happen. They 1) become more like their parents (so in this case, these men have a right to be concerned) or 2) they are very aware of and try to be the OPPOSITE of their parents. OP, these men are missing out on women who fall into number 2. Their loss.

BTW my parents never divorced but I recently became a parent and Ive been determined to not make the mistakes my parents did that ended up emotionally affecting me...this applies to things beyond divorce.

Some of my most bad mannered exes with the worst character came from still married parents (however, they seemed to get their negative traits FROM their parents...) My most recent nice ex had a terrible father, this father divorced my ex's mother after cheating on her then instantly remarried to a much younger woman and spoiled their kids while ignoring my ex completely, never paying child support or attempting a relationship...yet I cant picture my ex ever being like him.

desifemmefatale_94 · 2022-09-07T13:20:58+00:00

Weak

md8716 · 2022-09-07T16:05:49+00:00

When it comes to commitment, I absolutely discriminate against women who come from a home broken by divorce. I put them in the same category as single moms - recreational use only.

Having said that, I'm at least willing to overlook the first one if she displays enough pro-marriage traits. But the others are a hard no for anything other than recreational use only.

I also wouldn't commit a girl who's been abused, assaulted, has ever aborted a kid, or is a "survivor", either. Those are a hard "no".

2022-09-07T23:03:54+00:00

I’ve never heard of this before. Seems really stupid. You are marrying the woman, not her parents.

rurunoa · 2022-09-07T12:41:31+00:00

i dont care about them

JaracRassen77 · 2022-09-07T13:45:23+00:00

I have never heard of this standard. What I have heard, however, are men who view their potential GF's relationship with their father. If it's non-existent or poor, that's a red flag, IMO. It means that there is a high chance she grew up in an environment that doesn't respect men.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2022-09-07T15:03:04+00:00

I've seen tons of these cases in internet

I think it's something men say on the internet.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-09-07T15:25:45+00:00

Eh I think people just say it to be edgy and get attention. The odds are they wouldn't even be in a position where a woman would accept their proposal in the first place.

bugposts · 2022-09-07T16:10:09+00:00

I don’t think it’s fair.

I’m a strong believer that while people are not their parents and are not defined by their parents, their parents do definitely impact them/their personalities/how they interact with others.

That being said, what truly matters is how someone moves past a toxic upbringing/ works to break the cycle!

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-09-07T11:41:08+00:00

A very common reason parents of girls divorce are due to disagreements between spouses over how the girl should be raised. Its for this reason couples who have girls divorce more frequently compared to those that have boys.

As such, it isn't unreasonable in the slightest for a man to be concerned about a woman with divorced parents. Because if the woman has seen her mother divorce her father over a disagreement over how her child should be raised, the woman will do the exact same thing herself and divorce too. So the distrust here is warranted, unless the woman affirmitivly presents information that she activly opposed and disliked her mothers decision to get a divorce.

vanishingly-orca · 2022-09-07T12:13:08+00:00

Considering how much women tend to drone on about childhood trauma to everyone, it stands to reason a traumatic divorce would give them trauma later on.

Can’t have it both ways. Either parents are to blame or not. And if so, then your parenting is to blame in all cases. Including future marriage.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-07T14:54:53+00:00

I think they are blaming the daughter for the sins of the parents. But whatever. It’s not like the children of divorced parents don’t have plenty of people with similar backgrounds to choose from.

RealAmericanWeasel · 2022-09-07T15:22:53+00:00

I’ve never heard of this and don’t think it’s worth concerning yourself with it.

Over_Noise3530 · 2022-09-07T21:49:57+00:00

I pity them and wish them the best of luck. So many women are already overweight and have mental health problems, yet here they are adding more disqualifiers, then shooting up schools when they can't find wives

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-09-07T13:39:55+00:00

I think those dudes are probably not exactly in high demand anyways and so they can continue to live thief lives as they choose. We all know they are the ones keeping Onlyfans swimming in money anyways.

ruboyuri · 2022-09-07T14:24:30+00:00

They’re fine. I’m not gonna marry them

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NationalistGoy · 2022-09-07T15:20:54+00:00

i wouldn't mind a woman whose parents are divorced if she keeps a close relationship with both of them. It could be that her parents split she was young, but her father was responsible, loving and a strong male figure in her life. On the off chance that her father had custody of her, I want to know she spend a lot of time with her mother and she was a respectable female figure in her life too.

If a woman was raised by a single mon, then I don't pursue further. However if she was raised by her single mother, but she shared the house hold with uncles or her grand father who was a strong male figure, then I could see myself dating her in the future.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-09-07T15:30:03+00:00

I didn't know it can be an issue in the west l. Isn't divorce common?

corporatesandry · 2022-09-07T15:42:30+00:00

Same tbh I would never marry a man from a broken home, a broke man, or a broken man who needs help/fixing

_Duriel_1000_ · 2022-09-07T16:12:40+00:00

tons of these cases in internet

point to five cases you've seen.

KayRay1994 · 2022-09-07T16:18:53+00:00

to each their own tbh - for me personally i don’t really mind since i came from a messy household, all i ask is that the girl is in the process of improving herself

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-07T16:46:28+00:00

Statistically, it may give her a higher chance of not wanting to be married or having some kind of trauma effect on a relationship. But surely you can just determine if this has happened directly and won't rule out people you might like or keep people you may otherwise want to avoid. I don't think that someone's family situation should be a particular concern when considering dating them unless you have to see their family often and can't tolerate them for some reason (being divorced in itself usually isn't going to make them more difficult to be around, and there may be advantages to usually only seeing one in-law at once).

Particular_Return166 · 2022-09-07T18:00:14+00:00

Who watches their parents split up and thinks "goals!"?? I watched my parents' nightmare relationship and decided at an extremely young age to either never have kids or if I changed my mind to wait until marriage for kids and to only marry someone I felt was truly my soulmate and life partner because divorce is terrible.

laguaguadecarne · 2022-09-07T18:07:35+00:00

I'm married, yet I'm from a divorced household.

Then again, both of my parents remarried when I was a teen (mother) and young adult (father). Their 2nd marriages are much longer than their 1st marriage.

They also co-parent to this day. Them being divorced has never been a hindrance in them being active co-parents. In fact, it has made of us an even bigger family: my half-sister has even become part of my dad's extended family as well. Heck, my dad's baby sister is the one who pays my half-sister's phone (for example). And since my step dad lost his mother, my dad's own mother has taken him in as a foster son. Because he has better insurance, he gives her his leftover insulin and the like.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-09-07T19:56:14+00:00

I don't really care, everybody has their reasons

And in particular I might even be a little more sympathetic my mother left us when I was eight and I just had my shitty father there to do what he could, it is what it is lol

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-09-07T20:15:56+00:00

I feel like more women that men do this.

jaded1121 · 2022-09-07T21:02:04+00:00

Are these guys from religious families?

riverden · 2022-09-07T23:08:48+00:00

It depends on how the divorce affected them is my concern. Some women hate romance because their parents divorce and gain a pessemestic perspective on love. I am not interested in those women.

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-09-07T23:12:10+00:00

It’s not a great filter.

Looking at their dynamic with their parents and maybe the nature of the relationship between the two parents is helpful, but there’s enough fucked up intact marriages + situations where separated couples co-parented amicably, that it’s not the best strategy.

Simsimma76 · 2022-09-08T03:37:52+00:00

That’s a thing? I’ve never met a guy like that.

Laurely4u · 2022-09-08T07:42:26+00:00

Some studies have looked into what predicts a probability for divorce. Age at first sex, multiplicity of previous partners, previous divorces herself, unplanned early single motherhood, lack of education, financial poverty, length of time dating before marriage, age at marriage, tendencies towards substance abuse, marital status of parents, lack of religious values, history of sexual molestation, history of working in a sexually commodified trade such as a sugar baby, a go-go dancer, stripper, porn star or prostitute, lack of relationship with absentee or missing father, previous problems with substance abuse, previous incarceration, age gap relationship between man and woman, failure to seek pre martial counseling, shotgun marriage, cohabitation before marriage, parents lack of support or outright objection to marriage, promiscuous behavior modeled by her mother, domestic violence in the childhood home, mental health issues, so on and so forth. I think it’s oversimplified to say it’s one factor like parental divorce but probably many factors.

ghostjava · 2022-09-08T07:59:13+00:00

Ok so I am in the long overdue period of beginning my divorce after 26 years of marriage. My relationship has been mostly tumultuous and dysfunctional. We still raised two children into adulthood. One of biggest fears is that I have set the stage for my kids to tolerate and accept a bad relationship.

To answer your question, I don't agree with using parents' relationships as a vetting tool. Sometimes long-term marriages are made up of private normalized chaos and stubborn adults that lack proper fortitude to do better for themselves. This is not a good influence especially to young adults.

sarkington · 2022-09-08T15:02:28+00:00

I see no problem

IcarusKiki · 2022-09-09T00:36:06+00:00

Good for him I guess?

sex_throwaway999 · 2022-09-09T17:20:01+00:00

I've seen tons of these cases in internet

where is "in internet"?

neetykeeno · 2022-09-10T14:36:49+00:00

Ummmm like whatever? Every major deal-breaker costs, you know that. So if he's dead set keen on marriage and family but won't take maybe 60+ percent of women out there (counting the ones whose parents are together but never married) because he thinks they will be less likely to stay in the relationship then that means unless he is hugely high value he will probably settle with a girl who has what other men regard as deal-breakers. And that's good, right? Not a problem.

Psych_FI · 2022-09-11T17:42:24+00:00

Ultimately I really don’t care.

But I think it’s an oversimplification what you should screen for us a healthy relationship between parents or someone who acknowledges it wasn’t a healthy relationship and has gotten therapy to work through that.

Someone can come from a two parent home that’s day functional and so you want to determine that the other person understands and can engage in healthy relationships.

Additional_Speech164 · 2022-10-22T23:42:03+00:00

I’ve never heard this actually.

Title	What is your opinion on men who will not marry women whose parents are divorced?
Author	sadbitch55
Upvotes	31
Comments	175
Date	September 7, 2022 10:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x81fu1/what_is_your_opinion_on_men_who_will_not_marry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-your-opinion-on-men-who-will-not-marry.1129759 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129759

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