Is the “friend zone” real? Why are men and women so divided about the concept?

Usual-Leopard-9102 · 2023-01-06T07:22:25+00:00

This is just a realy realy stupid word for something completly different. What people realy mean and hate is the "parking him as a last option zone" or "take advantage of his feelings for money/food or drinks zone".

I have ZERO compassion for people that dont state what they want, after a while at least. You tell her/him its okay to be friends ? Then dont cry about it.

And of course taking advantage of feelings of other is disgusting too.

Swordfromthecement · 2023-01-06T04:50:04+00:00

It’s real. But it’s the man’s responsibility (not fault) to not stay in a situation like that and it’s the woman’s responsibility to let him down easy.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-01-06T06:33:20+00:00

It's real, but you put yourself there. You want to date someone, but they don't want to date you? You can accept that and remain friends with them or accept it and stop being friends with them. If you choose to remain friends you can't bitch about being wronged by someone for your own damn choice.

OhDestinyAltMine · 2023-01-06T00:41:48+00:00

A few reasons. Because from women’s POV it’s an imprecise term. Sometimes it means “if i never saw this guy again that’d be fine but we run in the same circles so time for being nice!”

Other times she just doesn’t KNOW bc the guy is chickenshit and then it genuinely feels like a bait and switch.

And finally, some girls absolutely just do suck up free attention from weak willed men just like tinder fuckboys pump and dump girls. As a (girl) tweet once wrote: “women get friendzoned too; the difference is they’ll fuck you.” When men see women as mid, ALL they want from them is sex. When women see men as mid, they will want everything else BEFORE sex.

Basically men often try to suggest all friendzone stuff is the last category. Women argue against it both bc of the first two categories … and also bc they want to appear virtuous and wouldn’t think of themselves as doing the third even if they totally have.

HazyMemory7 · 2023-01-06T00:39:13+00:00

Yes, it's real. My thoughts on it are:

If you are interested in a girl you should ask her out early. If she rejects you and you don't feel like you can be her friend, you should end the friendship or ask for some space for a while until you can.
Women are WAY too harsh on men that like a girl who aren't interested in them. They'll say like oh he was only interested in sex, or he doesn't see me as a person and didnt care about me. In truth, being friends with someone you like is difficult, and women are not entitled to friendship from a guy. There should be no judgement towards a guy that ends a friendship with a girl in that situation.

But emphasis on point 1. If you like a girl ask her out, if she says no move on.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2023-01-06T00:49:33+00:00

It's real.

If a girl says "no thanks" and he keeps after her, 100% his fault.

If she is vague af and leads him on, it's her fault.

Dagenius1 · 2023-01-06T01:24:35+00:00

Lol of course it’s real. Every guy has been put in it once, hopefully when they are younger and didn’t know how to handle it. It’s only on Reddit where people say it’s a myth.

Back in the day, sometimes it’s good and honest friendzone and sometimes you get used but people never want to talk about that

Funny thing tho..when guys post it, that’s when the myth comments come out. On the occasion when a woman posts that she got friend zoned, I never see people tell her it’s a myth. 😂

jayval90 · 2023-01-06T03:10:07+00:00

The real reason that there is discrepancy between the genders on this topic is that women get a baseline of men simping after them and they think that this is just how "normal male friends" act. So when the men finally ask and get rejected, they revert to a non-simping (aka "normal") friendship with said female. This female sees this as him now treating her badly, when in reality he's just not driven by hormones to worship the ground she walks on anymore. So she puts him in the "friend zone" which is where she gives him just enough hope that he maintains most of his hormone-fueled worship of her, but not enough that he feels like it's safe to bother her about it too often.

You might think that this is disgusting and low-down of her to do, and you'd be right. However, a lot of women do this without even thinking about it, and will even accuse men of being disgusting and low-down for not continuing to simp after her after she rejects him.

KikiYuyu · 2023-01-06T06:21:59+00:00

The friendzone is just another word for "not interested in a relationship", but for some baffling reason people get all twisted about using the word "friendzone".

It sucks to get rejected and have your feelings not returned. People want to act like merely being disappointed at how things have turned out is entitlement. It's ridiculous.

northernlights190 · 2023-01-06T00:43:55+00:00

The “friend zone” can also quite simply be called friendship. It’s having a friend you’re not attracted to and do not want to date. That’s real.

The division you refer to is a result of one party perceiving this type of friendship as something that’s been done to them, a place they’ve been “put” when they were hoping for more, and other people finding that concept annoying.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-01-06T10:49:42+00:00

Friends with benefits is the friend zone for women

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-01-06T02:44:07+00:00

Because women benefit from it

abaxeron · 2023-01-06T01:26:37+00:00

and it’s common to hear women respond with “the friend zone is imaginary”

What do women say when we tell them that male privilege and the patriarchy are imaginary? - They tell us to shut up. Why is their opinion on the friend zone suddenly relevant?

The "friend zone" comes from old joke-ish meme "there is no escape from the friend zone".

Which by itself is based on anecdotal observation that women very rarely grow romantically attracted to men that they were not attracted to initially, as they grow to know them better as persons.

If it happens that a woman shows a romantic interest in a guy after knowing him for some time, we're usually talking about the scale of weeks or months. When a woman knew a man for years and suddenly decided to start dating him... it means she is pregnant, got an incurable STD, got scammed out of huge amount of money, or has gone completely insane because of either traumatic event in her life or exceptionally messy breakup.

As any anecdotes, this is not any sort of reliable study-based observation, but a rule of thumb that occasionally can be useful to keep in mind: if within meeting three times there are no signs of her having the hots for you, don't grow the hots for her.

CrustyBubblebrain · 2023-01-06T01:50:40+00:00

One thing I want to mention about the "friend zone" is that men aren't always "put in it" maliciously. A lot of women have male friends who have fun and interesting personalities, but who would not be a good fit for the woman as a partner in a relationship.

Before someone comes along and claims that what I mean by "fun and interesting" is "does favors for her" or that "wouldn't be a good fit as a partner" means "too short/ugly/virgin", that is not at all what I mean. What I mean is that a woman may have a male friend who, say, shares her interest in a certain hobby, for example, but they fundamentally disagree on something that would make a long-term relationship difficult (religion, lifestyle, wanting kids or not, etc.) so she turns down his advances for changing the relationship status from 'friendship' to 'romance'.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-01-06T01:42:23+00:00

The friend zone exists when one party wants to have sex with another party who is not interested in them sexually but who is interested in them as a person, i.e. a friend.

Women say the friend zone is "imaginary" because a significant minority of women enjoy the attention they get from male friends and yes, secretly enjoy the one-sided dynamic and enjoy using it as a shield against anyone calling out or getting annoyed with their deceptive (read: leading on) behavior.

People who believe in concepts like Nice Guy^TM honestly need to grow up/live life/mature.

There's just people who get fed up/pissed off at being subtly led on or used for attention and when they blow up or understandably get frustrated, they're essentially character smeared for having a human reaction.

Now, the line between subtle leading on and it really is as simple as it seems and the man simply didn't listen isn't really something I'm going to hash out here, because it's irrelevant.

In my opinion, men shouldn't have female friends they're attracted to and spend any significant amount of time with. Acquaintances? Have a ball, have as many as you want. Friends? Bad play.

eyewave · 2023-01-06T07:43:44+00:00

I don't care being in the friendzone, if it so exists.

I've had attractions and crushes on all sorts of women, sometimes it didn't work but we still enjoyed hangigng out as friends, so what.

I think the worst "victims" of the friendzone are the men suffering of the "one-it-is", as it implies they stay friends with their female friend who doesn't reciprocate feelings, but they don't even pursue relationships with other women who might be interested...

It is a balance to find.

Generally if a woman "puts you in the friendzone", it is not done consciously, it is not done with any intention of harm, you just failed to meet her seduction requirements. This is indeed difficult to revert. But not impossible. Generally you just take the hit and move on.

Pilling_it · 2023-01-06T00:53:55+00:00

It does exist, and that's when the guy that just got rejected accept to be "friends" while fully knowing he's not fine with it. But it's something you do to yourself.

As to why women think it's imaginary, it's because it's pretty common for them mistake attraction from friendliness, or turn a blind eye to it even though it's in the face (getting more attention).

It's just the manifestation of both people turning a blind eye to what things truly are despite knowing full well the position of the other.

despisedlove2 · 2023-01-06T02:57:25+00:00

Friend zone is for pathetic men. Girl rejected them, and they agree to stick around like a hopeful orbiter.

_demidevil_ · 2023-01-06T08:09:24+00:00

Of course there is a distinction between friendship and someone you are attracted to. But saying you’ve been “put in the friend zone” implies you were entitled to something else, which you weren’t and it was never going to happen. Rather than saying “she put me in the friend zone” just say “the feelings weren’t reciprocated” or “she wasn’t attracted to me”.

decoy88 · 2023-01-06T11:47:24+00:00

It’s real. Everyone is in a “friend zone” with their friends. It only became a topic of debate because bored people wanted something to be angry about.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-01-06T12:07:01+00:00

Friend zone has been around for ages, it's not a young person thing. Friend zone is simply where a woman is not interested in a man from a sexual or romantic perspective, but likes them as a friend, and the guy is told this very clearly and still sticks around hoping something more will happen and when it does not becomes later infuriated or upset. The biggest issue is that women can be true friends with men they are not attracted too, whereas men usually don't waste their time on women as friends long term if they would not at minimum consider sleeping with them. Whereas women have male friends they see as brothers.

Men often get confused because women treat their male friends in the same way they treat their female friends, which is totally different than male friends treat male friends. They buy them gifts, they have deep emotional conversations with them, they hug them, they rely on them when they need someone for emotional support, they cry. The majority of men have never had this type of friendship and so they presume it means she wants more, meanwhile she's just treating him as a friend.

Can you as a man put yourself in the friend zone? I think in some cases yes. If you want too long to kiss her or make a move, she may lose interest and once that is gone it's gone, you don't come back from it. But in most cases it's just how she feels about you, nothing you can do about it. You can of course choose to remain in the friend zone once she makes you aware of how she feels, and you continue to stick around hoping for something more. But if you continue to stick around cause you want to be friends and that is all then you are just friends no zone.

RedPill115 · 2023-01-06T15:30:33+00:00

In real life I've never heard a girl deny the friend zone exists.
I mean I'm sure there's a blowhard here or there or something, but

It only seems to be a tiny number of hyperloud people on the internet trying to pretend it doesn't exist.

I've had a few girls curious where the line of the friendzone is, because they want to know if heading into friendzoning someone without realizing it, because they're not all powehungry narcissists looking to maximally exploit everyone, they actually want to avoid being a jerk.

hailhail7 · 2023-01-06T15:33:24+00:00

The place of being friends with someone you want to be with is real, but blaming the person gets you nowhere. It’s shit but it just happens. I think women imagine it being that men befriend women looking for sex, which is obviously shite and definitely does happen, when they hear about the friend zone so dismiss it. For most people it’s just life and you need to decide if being friends with that person is hurting you more than it’s fun. (Also for the one that reads my Reddit it’s not about you go away)

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-01-06T00:46:05+00:00

Most guys friend zone themselves and then act shocked when the girl they like isn't a mind-reader or when she doesn't have the same feelings.

DisasterPeace7 · 2023-01-06T02:48:27+00:00

It is very real, men understand that it's real, women are very divided on it ,you mention the friend zone to a woman you'll get one of three answers usually

"Women get put in the friend zone too!" ( the existence is acknowledged but they want it to be about them )
" But what about the fuck zone !" ( deflection)
" You're not entitled to seeeeex !" ( out of all the words that women love to misuse entitlement might be my favorite, now I do agree it is a guy's fault if he allows himself to be in the friend zone, he should leave as soon as it's clear that the affection is not returned, but yeah it hurts if you built up this connection with somebody and you develop romantic feelings and y'all just are not on the same wavelength, that's not entitlement it's just a part of life and men are allowed to vent on that from time to time

LotBuilder · 2023-01-06T02:52:35+00:00

I think it’s overblown. Only you can put yourself in the friend zone. If you have romantic intentions and she “doesn’t like you like that” then wish her the best and move on to the next girl. Be friendly when you see her but reject the invitation to do platonic things with her.

Sharkcat7 · 2023-01-06T07:28:37+00:00

For me, the friendzone is the only way in. I’m not really attracted to someone until I get to know them. Looks and charm are just the flashy paint job, the engine might be seized up for all I know.

Men shouldn’t be shamed for not wanting to be friends with someone they like, but imo being fuckzoned is way more offensive than friendzoned. “I don’t like you enough to hang out without the added incentive of fulfilling my biological needs” seems a little worse than “hey I love hanging out and having you in my life, I just don’t have romantic feelings for you”

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2023-01-06T03:09:18+00:00

I think "the friend zone" is an abstraction, but it exists as a concept, at least in the sense that there are men who are friends with women but want to be more than just friends.

I think there's division between men and women about the concept because it's a consequences of the changes in social dynamics which has taken place in the past half century. There was once a time when men and women, boys and girls - didn't really mix and intermingle with each other except for the purposes of dating and romance. Guys generally hung with guys in their own spaces, and women likewise. But that all changed when women challenged the idea and thought that women should be able to "hang out with the boys" after work and things like that. Women were in the workplace, they started being allowed to attend military schools and Service Academies, there were coed dorms in universities, and the whole idea of men and women being "friends" just as guys or women might friends with each other was strongly pushed. The basic idea is that it puts men and women on an equal footing in a culture which demanded total equality.

But there have been some unintended consequences to this, since these new circumstances allowed for greater opportunity for contacts, associations, and friendships between men and women. The fallout from "friend zone" is one such consequence, and this appears to be the main reason why women see it as "imaginary" or something they're not really willing to tread upon.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-01-06T04:10:02+00:00

The friend zone is a real thing and women would stop saying it doesn't if they recognize their own "friend zone" the fuck zone.

The friend zone is a zone where a guy has a good personality and the girl wants to keep him around because he is a friend and is fun to be around. So far everything you need for a relationship, except she isn't physically attracted to him. In most cases guys get friend zone because he doesn't make her horny.
The fuck zone is a zone where a women is physically attractive but generally doesn't have a gf/wife level personality, so the guy is okay with sleeping with her but don't want anything more.

Friend zone ~= Fuck zone.

PrimaryJellyfish8904 · 2023-01-06T07:21:06+00:00

The average men are more atracted to the average women than vice versa so its likely for a guy to develop feelings for a girl which is his good friend, and at least a 5, as she has a compatible personality with him, similar interests, etc. In contrast women aren't atracted to the average men (they think the average guy is ugly) and this alone hinders the chances of them wanting "something more" (unless she's friends with some chad in which case a FWB relationship may arise) therefore girls may never exprerience the so-called friendzone and as consequence deny its existence.

Another point when it comes to the so-called frienzone is that women commonly will accuse the men in such condition of "only wanting sex" (when most of the time the friend in question desires a romantic relationship) so they felt objectified and betrayed "i though he like me as person but he was just after my body huh" and they claim the guy was a fake friend.

I notice some women really value having male friendships while men typically don't value having female friendships with the same intensity or as some sine qua non. The book Dunbar's complete handbook of etiquette advise young men to acquire platonic relationships with women as it brings sophistication but perhaps that was a different social context.

domdomdom333 · 2023-01-06T08:46:58+00:00

Of course it exist. Friend zone even exists for women as well, they just call it a situationship.

Same concept. One party wants to take it further while the other doesn't acknowledge or shut down ones attempts to take things further.

AreOut · 2023-01-06T09:10:02+00:00

I find it silly when women offer friendship to a guy who likes them sexually. It's like offering friendship to someone who wants to rob you, I mean the guy clearly doesn't have those intentions so why do women do this.

WoodStainedGlass · 2023-01-06T10:29:15+00:00

I read a woman’s take on the friend zone that opened my eyes to the other side of the dynamic. She called it being put in the “fuck zone,” meaning this person is willing to pantomime friendship but has other designs on the relationship.

West-Ad-9697 · 2023-01-06T10:54:49+00:00

Well it's more of a "i'm not like the other guys zone" and men put themselves in it themselves. Sure social ques count, but essentially women are open to any and all social contacts. Unsocialized men, will see this as romantic interest. Unsocialized women will see kind men as "this guy thinks I am smart, I like him, I want more friend time with him".

Now, in a conservative country or among socialized boys and girls - red pill truths aren't covered with feel good bullshit. It is implied that a man wants to fuck a woman. If that woman (wants and decides to) give him her time, she is implicitly embracing her seduction and giving a white flag. Arguably a better consent strategy than seeking a yes at your peak hornyness as a dude when you are half shaft in your first ever pussy.

Only in the asexual teenage-dream Disney world - do boys for some reason hang out with girls with no impure thoughts, and do girls somehow have no idea of the effect they have on boys. It's quite creepy how anglosaxon protestant countries evolved a conversation about sexuality, sex & relationships, by infantilizing it, and without any discussion or understanding of the human element, and how people's desires and instincts play into that. It's like we want sex but we also want to not think of ourselves as impure animals with lust and hunger.

RegionalPolice · 2023-01-06T13:16:02+00:00

It's real but it's just her not being attracted to you sexually. That can change over time with more interaction.

YveisGrey · 2023-01-06T13:30:28+00:00

Not sure what is meant by “real” here.

Do men sometimes have romantic feelings towards women who see their relationship as purely platonic? Yes. Do those men feel the sting of unrequited desire, love what have you? Sure

Is this some nefarious plot on women’s part to get men to …be their friends? No.

I think the feelings are all real but the idea that such a scenario is being done to men is not. Nothing was done to you. You liked a girl and she didn’t like you back. 9 times out of 10 you were the one doing xyz in hopes of her liking you back and you were the one too shy to make a move from the jump. To twist the narrative that she somehow orchestrated for self gain or to hurt you is just you being resentful.

uglysaladisugly · 2023-01-06T14:39:06+00:00

TL;DR : The friend zone exist depending on what you mean by that. If the friend zone exist, I'm quite sure it's because you're way of dating in the US is super absolutely fucking weird and a reciepe for disaster.

If the "friend zone" means that a woman considers a man her friend, then it exists. A lot of people are in the "friend zone" because a lot of people are friends with each other. The problem is more about why it's bad to be in the "friend zone".
If you love romantically a woman, and she doesn't love you back, it has nothing to do with the friend zone or not. She just doesn't love you back. So when men complain about the "friend zone" it feels like they're not complaining about the fact that the woman they love doesn't love them back but about the fact she consider them like a friend? Like... Would you rather she hates you? Or maybe you would prefer she does not care a single bit about you?
If the "friend zone" means that a woman considers a man her friend instead of loving him back AND will therefore, never EVER consider him as a potential date or fall in love with him or have sex with him, specifically BECAUSE she likes him as a friend.
Then it's bullshit and doesn't exist. 100% imaginary. A vast majority of couples around me were friends before they fell in love. Or at least spent a lot of time knowing them within some groups of friends before being in a relationship. The "friend zone" actually seems like one of the best way to actually fall in love and find a girlfriend for any guy.
In additon, looking around me, a shitload of my super pretty or hot friends are in LTR with men physically way below their "league" as you like to call it here. And I believe it is specifically because they fell in love with their friends for other reasons.But, this seems like something people from the US don't get...

Sincerelly, I feel like the US juste have a dating problem because your concept of dating is litterally alien... Like WTF... going to dates with people you don't know...?Online dating is just a continuum of your dating culture and when it arrived to Europe, it probably had the same kind of consequences that your dating culture has in general.

If you "date" as a specific separated social interraction, you will indeed be incapable of having any relationship or sex if you are shy, not soooo handsome or just not very social, or have a weird vibe, etc.And as "dating" would be a very specific separated area of you social life, indeed, the friendzone will appear because no one will ever be considering their friends as potential date because they will be busy trying to date in this weird way outside of that.

A lot of time when I hear guies here complaining about not having any chance ever of finding a girlfriend because they are nerds, give off a weird vibe, aren't so fit, etc. I don't get it at all... I believe it is because in my experience, this kind of guies HAVE relationship with girls a lot. Why? Because we all have those friends who are weirdos or super strange and neuro-atypical and we love them anyway right? Well, women fall in love with them also because the scary weirdo vibe of the guy you don't know becomes the lovely quirckyness that melts your heart when you know him... But it is difficult or impossible to do that true a screen or some artificial socially awkward "dates".

KissCutMe · 2023-01-06T18:02:51+00:00

I think the friendzone is real to the men who experience it. But I don’t believe the friendzone actually exists. Men and women just do friendships very differently. A woman’s friendship with another woman is often a vulnerable, intimate relationship. We support each other. We love each other and we say it. Men (mostly) are not like that. Men seem to have superficial friendships with each other (comparatively), they don’t seem to cry to each other or seek each other out when they are struggling (obviously not all men are so emotionally stunted but it’s definitely widespread). Men seem to save that level of openness and support for their significant others. So when they are pursuing a woman.. they behave the way women do with each other. They care. They text all the time. They ask “how’s your day”. They tell the woman she’s beautiful all the time. They listen to her problems eagerly and offer support and solutions. All things women don’t view as special treatment.. but as things you just do for people you care about. But men find this exhausting. This isn’t something they do without an expectation of romance or sex. So when they find out they are seen only as a friend.. they feel cheated and lead on (and I recognize that some women are shitbirds and do use men so don’t try that argument please) because they’ve been doing so much emotional labor. It’s exhausting to them. And then the woman feels “fuckzoned” and she’s hurt and confused because him being so invested and involved is just… how we treat our friends. It really sucks when a man reverts to his natural state of being and you realize his kindness was never out of friendship. It’s a super shitty situation to be in and men really should both.. be intimate and vulnerable with their friends and also not use that as some form of leverage to try and manipulate a woman into liking you. If you feel “friendzoned” and can’t continue the level of invested you are without feeling cheated and used.. move on.

We’re socialized differently as children and it effects how we interact with each other. I firmly believe this is why men who can’t get girlfriends can be so hateful. They’re lonely. It sounds like absolute torture. If im single… I still have my friends to love and support me. If a man is.. he may very well have absolutely no one to care for him. And that’s the saddest existence I can think of.

MistyMaisel · 2023-01-06T04:02:17+00:00

Not real.

This suggests women can force people to be friends with them against their will. We cannot. Men or Lesbians are always free to firmly end the interaction and friendship.
This suggests friends don't fuck each other. People who believe in friendzone also believe in friends with benefits. Make it make sense.
This typically removes responsibility from men to communicate their desires and boundaries and puts it soley on the women to guess their intentions and desires rather than assuming men can advocate for and enforce them. Bizarre logic to say the least. Unless she's leading a man along by pretending romance is in the cards, there's no such thing.
If you reversed the genders this would obviously just become an unrequited love scenario. But for some reason men don't call it that, they call it friend zone.
It isn't the friend zone if you're being led on while a woman makes her mind up. She's not being your friend or thinking of you as just a friend. So why would we call it this? And i think leading men on in this way is quite wrong. I've yelled at female friends for doing it and told them to make their minds up.

bigtoasterwaffle · 2023-01-06T06:09:22+00:00

It's not "the friend zone", she's just not attracted to you. If she was attracted to you, the fact that you're friends wouldn't matter; if she's not attracted to you, making your intentions known from the start wouldn't help.

webernicke · 2023-01-06T00:52:04+00:00

Because it's accusatory.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-01-06T05:58:55+00:00

I think the real friendzone is when a a guy COULD have had a good chance at a romantic relationship with a woman if he had shown his desire too earlier, but because he did not, it is now very hard to go from friends to lovers.

This is rare. Most of the time, the friendzone is in his head--he just never met her sexual requirements. No matter when or where he had expressed romantic intent, he would have failed.

But it is true that there is a dynamic in people, especially women, where you can desexualize yourself over time by being in a non-sexual relationship with someone over time, such that you can get a situation where a guy does and did meet a woman's sexual requirements, but because he went down another path, she no longer sees him that way. Pretty rare, though.

CaptainObvious4000 · 2023-01-06T11:24:48+00:00

The friendzone is real. Women like to exploit men who find them attractive, that’s why they lie about it.

Whatever you call it, it is a real phenomenon: women like having orbiters around they can use as emotional tampons and exploit for resources and attention. Not all women, but plenty.

step0264 · 2023-01-06T01:50:42+00:00

Friendzone is real. It's a direct result of hypergamy. And I'm not blaming a particular gender here,,but the thing is women are far more successful in hypergamy and men and women can't be hypergamous simultaneously. I've seen guys being used for their wealth ,,until another Chad with a shiny car and better body/attractiveness arrives.

Krouser1522 · 2023-01-06T03:57:11+00:00

It’s 100 percent real tons of women have confessed to its existence the ones that say it’s “imaginary” are the ones that are being disingenuous or trying to feel better about having no sexual chemistry towards certain guys. Listen it’s completely fine and normal if a woman doesn’t like you in a romantic/sexual way everyone has their preferences whatever that may be will qualify you or disqualify you with a particular woman just accept it as a fact of life and roll with it. If she doesn’t like you whatever her reasons..there is no “convincing” her to change her mind she either feels it or doesn’t

JDWhiz96 · 2023-01-06T04:30:43+00:00

The friendzone is real, and it sucks to be in. There are many ways to enter:

You are a genuine nice guy, but naïve: You blatantly listen to BP lies and think women care about your kindness and friendship. This man generally means well and is not manipulative, but still ends up friendzoning himself. He's usually homely to some degree.

The stereotypical "nice guy": Needs no explanation. His prevalence is widely overstated, but it makes men look bad so it's shouted from the mountaintops.

The genuine friendship: When a male and female begin as true friends but the man eventually gets feels for the girl. I, IMO, think this is the most common form of friendzone. It is honest, sincere, and not manipulative. This one sucks because no one wins unless the woman somehow reciprocates. I don't blame either the man or the woman here.

The sucker guy: When the woman knows without a shadow of a doubt that the man's into her, yet uses him for her own gain, whether it be clout, attention, money, resources, etc. While this type of woman is vile, evil, and objectively a degenerate, I still blame the man because most of the time he knew what he was getting into.

Most men tend to outgrow the friendzone once they exit high school or college and learn from their past so as to avoid these situations. Inexperienced men, however, don't learn what most men have until their mid/late 20s, and a few never do.

_Useful_Discipline_ · 2023-01-06T09:01:09+00:00

Yes it’s real. Rarely are women friend zoned because women rarely make the first move; rejection is like kryptonite to women.

On the other hand, it’s the reason why so many women nowadays can be in a relationship and lie about having male “friends.” Men and women cannot be just friends unless the woman is so ugly the guy would never smash, and even then there is absolutely no benefit to a man in having female friends apart from the possibility of sex. The male “friend” will always be waiting for the moment something goes wrong in woman’s love life so that she’ll run to that male “friend” for “advice on men.”When in reality, that guy has just been waiting on the sidelines for a chance to play on the field. Women understand this concept but seldom can explain it truthfully; men take what they can get, women choose what and who they want. Considering that 2 out of 3 men today have never had sex, it’s not so hard to believe that the friend zone is very much real.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-01-06T01:03:09+00:00

Women object to it because it is solely men who put themselves in the friendzone.

DochevD · 2023-01-06T14:59:46+00:00

You can read so much BS on this post... Amazing so many people actually believe what they write. Then they wonder where did all their friends go. They were never friends in the first place weren't they? Hah.

NockerJoe · 2023-01-06T00:54:22+00:00

Why exactly are we valuing someones opinion if they've never been in that situation and the demographics mean they have little to no concern about ever being there themselves?

Snekky3 · 2023-01-06T06:46:03+00:00

There are men out there that reject the entire concept of friendship as beneficial and then wonder why they are lonely, depressed, and have no friends. It is a mystery. And for the record, no one can befriend someone “maliciously” like the comments here imply. What does that even mean?

imivani · 2023-01-06T07:21:14+00:00

Of course it is real. Almost every male / female platonic friendship is in the friendzone. AKA guy wants relationship with the girl.

LupeDyCazari · 2023-01-06T01:08:18+00:00

Bro, I'm confused as to why someone would spend time with a woman who isn't his sister, if he isn't fucking the chick who isn't his sister? Does the chick introduce girls to this guy?

I'm a bit lost. If you ain't fucking a woman, and if she isn't family - why are you wasting your time with her?

il_nascosto · 2023-01-06T10:18:36+00:00

Of course it’s real, and of course women say it’s imaginary, because its existence benefits only them!

K1ngOfClubs · 2023-01-06T12:47:53+00:00

It’s real and not very hard to understand. He’s beta and unattractive. She loves the comfort but is repulsed by him physically. The answer? Soak up all the comfort and give him nothing in return.

The opposite of this is fuck buddies. She wants him physically but he wants nothing to do with her beyond that so he gets all the sex he wants and never commits to her.

GNP_Aficionado · 2023-01-06T14:33:11+00:00

If you're a man, there's no such thing as the "friend zone".

If you're not her boyfriend, you're her girlfriend. Simple as that.

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MarBitt · 2023-01-06T05:22:26+00:00

The friend zone is real and it can happen to women too. It may even be easier for a man to friendzone a woman. It is enough if the man "does not see" her signals and she does not find the courage to cross the line where he will have to admit that he is ignoring these signals on purpose and reject her.

lolmastr13 · 2023-01-06T07:45:47+00:00

Yes, the friendzone/fuckzone happens when people misinterpret attraction for friendship. It happens a decent amount due to the differences in men and women’s sexuality

Latter-Impression-26 · 2023-01-06T08:34:43+00:00

My god these replies are ridiculously vain.

Embarrassed_Cup2524 · 2023-01-06T14:02:55+00:00

obsession and not getting the hint is real as well

FlyV89 · 2023-01-06T14:40:40+00:00

I have lots of female friends I have had sex with and a lot of female friends I didn't, but hopefully I will in the future hahaha.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-01-06T15:31:57+00:00

I lean heavily on the "its imaginary" side but lets discuss the issue at hand: citing the experience of something for oneself and the cause-effect of something for other people.

Classic example: that guy is just an asshole for no reason, so I'm an asshole to him.

The experience I felt from some dude being an asshole is important to me, but his experience doesn't matter, only his effect on me.

So; guy chats up girl, thinks its flirty banter then finds out no, its friendly banter. girl chats up guy, thinks its friendly then realizes it's meant to be romantic and pursuing a relationship. It's imaginary in the sense that there were never any other zones, just friends, because the relationship intent with the 'lowest' emotional value will always be the one that happens, but the perceived betrayal of intent on both sides creates a new zone: not properly called the friend zone, but the fuck you too zone.

This is where 'nice guys' decide they need to belittle women that reject them and 'crazy bitches' explain that all men are assholes that only want sex. Actually admitting that different intents can quickly become incompatible is just too unsatisfying. It doesn't properly address the experience of what happened to me, and the callousness of you.

TL:DR the rules are made up and the points don't matter, just enjoy the ride.

anonnewengland · 2023-01-06T16:18:48+00:00

Women want attention at all times. Men want sex at all times. The friend zone is when women don't want to sleep with a guy but want access to his resources and attention like a sexual partner would give. Women make the men think they might have a chance down the road when the women know for a fact that they wont.

Men have woken up to this game and some men aren't playing anymore. If you want to be friends with a guy then be prepared to get the kind of attention men give to eachother. Prepare to get a text once a month at most. Be prepared to not get asked anything because men take care of our shit on our own. Be prepared to get ragged on like guys do to eachother. We roast eachother. We hit eachother. We scream at eachother and move on quickly. When we do ask for help it's an emergency and you better act asap or get ghosted as an unreliable friend. Oh, and men keep secrets. We don't blab them around as gossip... if you gossip to a man he will think you are a loser snitch.

Men are harsh. Men are realistic. We don't sugarcoat things for our friends because that would be doing them dirty.

Men aren't going to be your backup husband. We've seen how you act from the friendzone. We know how bad you are and act towards men. We've seen all the guys who have pumped and dumped over the years. We aren't buying that shit now. Lmao. Y'all are used.

The friendzone is what women do to men they don't respect enough to turn down. Women don't respect the ones who put up with the friendzone anyways.

Safinated · 2023-01-06T17:24:18+00:00

“Friendzone“ puts the responsibility on the rejector, unlike other terms

guess which gender rejectors are likely to be?

CurrentInteresting32 · 2023-01-06T19:23:20+00:00

I think a lot of women are not even accepting the fact that there are women who are emotionally manipulative and keep people in the friendzone on purpose despite knowing the guy has feelings. If you reject a guy who was your friend and you remain friends that’s fine, that’s not the friendzone. If you lead him on by saying things like I wish there were more guys like you or now is not the right time or any number of things to keep the hope alive that one day you’ll go out with them, then the blame shifts to the person acting manipulative. However there are many guys who say they were friendzoned when they were reasonably and fairly rejected. Also you should not be friends with someone you are attracted to it’s unhealthy.

KayRay1994 · 2023-01-06T19:41:59+00:00

cause lots of men become women with the sole intent of sleeping with them or dating them and get mad when that plan backfires. I’m all for being friends with the opposite sex, even dating through friendship primarily if there is a spark - though NEVER befriend someone with the intent to date them, and don’t get mad when they don’t want to date you. You can stop being friends with her if it really hurts, but beyond that don’t be a dick about it.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-01-06T19:55:44+00:00

Ive never heard a woman IRL say the friend zone is imaginary.

Men put women in the friendzone too, Ive seen it alot. That happens in life- you like a friend, they dont like you back, but since you value them as a human being you decide to stay friends. Its not weird.

Carloverguy20 · 2023-01-06T20:13:48+00:00

It's called unrequited love and I hate the term friendzone, because it's a toxic term, meaning that guys and girls can't be friends, and it's a good thing to have friends that are girls, or friends in general which a lot of men need in their lives. There's nothing wrong with being friends with girls, it's not going to destroy your manhood. The friendzone made me feel bad about being friends with women platonically. Women would love male allies who see them as a human being instead of a sexual object. So many world issues would be solved with this.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-01-07T00:31:16+00:00

The “friend zone” is real but you put yourself there by trying to use a guise of friendship to get a sexual/romantic relationship. Sometimes it’s slimy and sometimes it’s an innocent mistake, but it isn’t a good strategy and is usually hurtful to both.

jverveslayer · 2023-01-07T23:06:14+00:00

This is a funny topic to me. I don't think I've ever been put in the "friend-zone" as a guy. Girls just stop responding or never meet up. They never suggest being friends if I'm trying to date them.

I "friend-zone" a lot of girls as in decide that I'm not going to pursue them in a sexual way, and am just going to bring them into my social circle or try to join theirs. Idk if that's the same as they aren't hitting on me. (Occasionally a girl will give me a lot of signals that she likes me though. Sometimes I act on that, sometimes I don't depending on the situation).

Admirable-Panic2626 · 2023-01-09T10:37:44+00:00

I don't think it's real in the sense that men and women are talking about the same thing.

I only (intentionally) 'friend-zoned' one guy. He was into me and I was completely not attracted to him. He kept inviting me to stuff (movies, hanging out) and I essentially tried to manage it down without outright telling him to back off.

Like sure, I didn't have to accept his invites, but we're were also part of a larger group of friends, so it was really about managing expectations.

Title	Is the “friend zone” real? Why are men and women so divided about the concept?
Author	grandvizierofswag
Upvotes	33
Comments	240
Date	January 5, 2023 11:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/104dmkj/is_the_friend_zone_real_why_are_men_and_women_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-the-friend-zone-real-why-are-men-and-women-so.1146867 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146867

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