SOME men in your league will try to use you. But if you only go for men above your league, ALL OF THEM WILL

DeshaunWalt · 2023-04-20T19:56:54+00:00

I really hate this concept of "using her"

Because it gives the assumption she had no consent

Bruh if a woman decides to sleep with me and regrets it afterward, that is nobody problem but her's

FRlEND_A · 2023-04-21T03:58:17+00:00

jokes on you, guys below my league try to get in my pants too lol

baresquad · 2023-04-20T20:01:27+00:00

My question is why does the rejected guy always get the benefit of the doubt? Every posts paints these men as relationship oriented based on nothing.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-04-20T21:36:42+00:00

Counter argument

Men above your league are less likely to need to lie to get casual sex. By that logic, you're also more likely to know up front whether or not they're just a pump and dumper.

So if anything it makes more sense to go above your league

See! I can make big reaches too!

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-04-20T19:52:07+00:00

Bro, that study you are citing says dudes are way more open when it comes to casual sex NOT infidelity.

ROBYoutube · 2023-04-20T19:57:11+00:00

You're wrong for many reasons, but to sum it up you don't evidence your hypothesis.

SOME men in your league will try to use you.

None of your evidence even suggests this.

But if you only go for men above your league, ALL OF THEM WILL

Ditto.

Zadacat · 2023-04-20T21:40:35+00:00

Bruh just be in the top 5%. Life gets easy that way

uwuskincare · 2023-04-21T04:35:11+00:00

I agree with the other commenter that top 5% of tinder men have enough options to be honest with women and still get sex. Average men are desperate and will lie to women they wouldn't date just for sex.

Women feel used when misled/lied to in order to get sex, then the guy dips.

I can also see feeling used if you make the guy have a great time, he can't get you off, you feel pain afterwards and he doesn't etc it's like a shitty trade deal :/ which might only feel acceptable if you have an ongoing relationship where you like him enough to accept having gotten the short end of the stick. Or maybe at least he's super hot and out of your league.

Most people find relationships outside apps and most are looksmatch anyways. I don't think women are delusional about it tbh leagues are also subjective. I've noticed with my friends that we never find each other's boyfriends hot lmao but we each think our bf is hot.

sublimemongrel · 2023-04-20T20:00:46+00:00

I think it’s naive to assume this is really anything you can predict in some sort of objective manner, especially when you freely admit ALL men - no matter “league” - can seek to use and abuse women. Like surely we’ve all seen examples of this IRL even with women who are with men who are seemingly far below their “league”.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-04-20T21:57:40+00:00

men heavily lower their standarts when it comes to casual sex (pages 4 & 5).

This source states that male standards for physical attractiveness are actually higher when searching for a short-term mating partner. While I believe that's largely BS, just FYI regarding your own source.

Men of all types try to use women.

Not really. Not all men are comfortable with casual sex.

When I hear this I always think "Yeah, no shit, you are rejecting any man that might want a relationship with you because you only go for men much more attractive than yourself".

because seems like every guy just wants sex.

women will never accept it because it implies that they are not as attractive as they are

While this is a very good point and to me hilarious --- you have to understand a lot of things at play here. Women evaluate men very negatively, to the point where I've literally seen women convinced that they are matching with "not so great" "average" or worse looking men who, mysteriously, ghost them, don't respond to them, etc. The obvious answer is that those men have a lot of options, but the women truly are unable to see how low they're rating the men.

However

Typically, I've noticed that some women will settle for a shitty dysfunctional relationship -- maybe one involving a lot of one-sided cheating or super avoidant behavior. So you have to ask yourself...her odds of getting a guy above her league to be in one of those types of relationships are solid enough that it may be worth it for her to continue with her strategy.

Novadina · 2023-04-21T00:16:44+00:00

SOME men in your league will try to use you. But if you only go for men above your league, ALL OF THEM WILL

I don’t think so. I’ve slept with some pretty hot men, in my opinion much hotter than myself, and they didn’t “use” me at all. Why do you think all hot men are assholes? The guys I’ve been with were not, they didn’t lie to me or take advantage of me or anything like that. The only man who I ever felt “used” by was less attractive than myself (he was overweight and I was skinny) and he lied and said he loved me and then later told me he didn’t really mean it.

It’s just not true all men will automatically lie to and use any woman who they find less attractive. Do you do that? Like when you go on a date, do you give her a rating, then give yourself one, and if you deem hers lower, you try to take advantage of her and use her??? If you feel you’ve never been in that situation - would you do that if you were? You would feel obligated to start lying as soon as you determined she wasn’t attractive?? (“Ohh this women is uglier than me! I better pretend to like her so I can take advantage of her. Who wants fully consensual sex anyway? It’s more important ugly women get used! That’ll teach her to try to get with men as hot as myself!”)

It seems like you have some personal morality issues and are claiming all men have the same issue.

neetykeeno · 2023-04-21T01:50:58+00:00

Most women have already left dating apps or no longer use them seriously and with intent.

This whole post of yours sounds like trying to argue us back in on your terms. Like there's some right way to use the apps that will deal with the problems. Just come back and swipe yes to ugly dudes, lol.

Nope. Ugly dudes, weird dudes, socially inept dudes fat dudes scrawny dudes...those are matches to make through social circles. Observe from a distance and mull over if you've got what it takes for fifty years of caring about him. Tinder is the absolute worst place to meet a guy like that. Messed up people are all messed up in different ways and it's a complicated process learning to like one intimately. Tinder hurries it too much. That you have to have swiped showing interest before you start gathering info.... that's too much just too much.

We're not interested and we don't feel particularly bad for women who still use the apps...we figure they've got senses and brains and they've got their reasons. And if they want to play the numbers and kiss a lot of handsome princes in the hopes one will stick then well that's their journey and good luck to them. We all got a journey and all journeys have hardships.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-04-20T20:56:28+00:00

SOME men in your league will try to use you. But if you only go for men above your league, ALL OF THEM WILL

Stop infantilising women. If someone consents to having sex, they're not being used.

That's why you hear so many complaints from women about dating apps being just as bad for them because seems like every guy just wants sex.

That's because many men on dating apps are purely looking to hook up — irrespective of their level of attractiveness.

You could slap big "mommy milkers" and half a tonne of foundation on some neckbeard rando, and half the men on those apps would still want to whip out their todgers and fuck "her".

Yeah, no shit, you are rejecting any man that might want a relationship with you because you only go for men much more attractive than yourself

So? The ones that want a roll in the hay with an actual hottie are getting their brains fucked out, and the ones that want a relationship with him are either living in Loopyland or lucky enough to have nabbed him.

Just because an Average Joe is average doesn't mean he's above refusing to commit or just being in it for sex. Why, in that scenario, should women looking for a fun time and/or a hot man aim anywhere but at the top?

Sekina7 · 2023-04-20T19:59:28+00:00

What is this nonsense that only men seem with women casually that they don’t view as LTR material ? PSA YOU ARE NOT A De facto “good guy” or a better option or an option who truly values HER. Men readily admit that they want to settle with the hottest woman they can, irrespective of where they rank and that when desperate enough (most days) women underestimate how “low” men will go to get their needs met.

The only difference between the groups of men is those that can, and those that can’t but wish women would make it easier to be used whilst ALSO “choosing better” 🙄🎻🖕🏾

begayallday · 2023-04-21T01:54:05+00:00

I don’t reject 95% of men because I want men who are “out of my league”. I reject them because I’m not compatible with 95% of men. The men that I have chosen were not at all physically attractive.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-04-20T22:00:38+00:00

I don't think this is as big of an issue for women as men make it out to be.

Worst case scenario for women is they have lot of sex with really attractive men and later settle for average men or they stay single and continue hooking up with attractive men.

Best case scenario, they hook up with really attractive men and build a long term relationship

Also, women know for the most part understand its only going to be sex with good looking men but they are willing to risk heartbreak to try to lock down a high value man.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-04-20T20:09:14+00:00

Show me that women reject 95% of men or that only 10% get likes. Because I think that's not backed up by data. The flawed OKC study shows that women found 20% of men "very attractive" but still messaged men not in that 80%. Furthermore, nothing in the study showed that each woman found the SAME 20% of men attractive.

antariusz · 2023-04-21T06:03:39+00:00

I'm don't match with 30% of women on Tinder, like the "attractive man" you linked but I also don't match with 0.5% of women on Tinder like in the experiment. My results are somewhere about exactly in-between. I've also been more physically attractive and did better, and less physically attractive and did worse.

I laugh when I hear that most men have like 7 lifetime total partners, that's less than a typical year for me. I try to encourage men to be more like me, but the advice is discarded, maybe because of how I deliver it, but maybe also because most men don't actually want to get laid as much as they say they do.

flosterjenkins · 2023-04-21T07:31:51+00:00

OP hasn't proved that it's only because of physical attraction that women are rejecting men more on the apps. If women want long term relationships like OP thinks, they would be rejecting more. For politics, educational background, religion, humor in the profile, distance, financial stability, similar hobbies, similar physical attractiveness to keep the guy around long term, etc. 95% sounds about right, lol.

OP, you already have what you want -- women leaving and avoiding the apps and being mildly distrustful of the guys on there, and the ones on the apps swiping extremely carefully. Is this post meant for teens or something?

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-20T19:57:00+00:00

Ive literally never gone for a man out of my league. Im a realist though so I dont try to. Its also been easy because men out of my league show absolutely no interest in me.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-04-20T22:39:12+00:00

If you actually go down the rabbit hole of the link OP provides and review the studies you'll note that some are from the 1970s and have nothing to do with online dating or even dating in general, and some are regarding how higher education is viewed.

Additional studies the articles ultimately link to are from the 1980s and early 1990s. Really not relevant to today.

One of the studies from within the last twelve years notes the following:

" First, the sample size is small (only 27 females were interviewed). Second, all data is self reported. The females who responded to my questions could have lied about the percentage of guys they “like” in order to impress me (fake super hot Tinder me) or make themselves seem more selective."

Longspkdiamond · 2023-04-20T22:50:14+00:00

Nah, there's no such thing as "leagues". Attractiveness is subjective. Just don't get with people who don't value and respect you, and who you don't share a mutual attraction with.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-04-21T00:31:31+00:00

That's not true. Most men are actually looking for a long-term relationship, not just sex. The issue is that women only go after the type of men who are only looking for sex. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy. If women weren't so shallow on who they decided to meet, they would see most men are in it for more than just sex. But women today feel like they are entitled to the top 1% of men no matter what they look like or what they bring into the relationship (which is usually nothing). Women use not as good looking men for free dinners then complain there are no good men when they get ghosted by the guy they just used.

JiifuhTV · 2023-04-20T20:00:11+00:00

a woman can’t and will never be used for sex, sex is a mutual activity two or more people do together

this disturbing view of women gotta stop and you should seek therapy for your internalised misogyny

Powerful_Carrot3340 · 2023-04-20T20:07:37+00:00

Only read the title.

These days women have access to money, education, and opportunity.

Women are now sharing high value men.

That's why these things called situationships are becoming a thing.

A situationship is essentially polygamy in most cases.

The man she desires it out of her league. But he's willing to go on dates and sleep with her every now and then and since this is the only man she has the hots for, she accepts.

This should be a big no no for women but for some reason, more and more women are allowing this to happen.

Guys out of her league will usually have a rotation of 4-5 women that he can spend time with and sleep with.

I speak from experience and now that I've aged past 25 and am trying to mature, I will never be this guy again.

Step 1 was deleting dating apps. Step 2 was doubling down on my career and passions. Step 3 is only sleeping with women who I genuinely see myself being with long term...which hasn't happened in over a year.

As tough as it is, men are expected by women to be the leader.

She will take your lead. If you are sexually disciplined, only good can come from it.

I say this to anyone who's reading this and like me, wants to change.

Delete the apps. Chase your dreams. Don't let women sleep with you that don't deserve you.

EdwardTheeMasterful · 2023-04-21T05:11:55+00:00

At least they get sex with a male more attractive than themselves.. then they call that being used when they green lit the encounter in agreement. What do men get from online dating and dating aside from wasted funds? When do men get “used” for sex with a woman above their league? How do both sexes have it equally tough again??

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-04-20T21:05:55+00:00

Source?

FlyV89 · 2023-04-21T00:36:02+00:00

So dating market efficiency is functionally similar to South Africa wealth distribution?

Can someone tell me if South Africa has a good quality of life and average income?

Hahahaha.

Safinated · 2023-04-21T03:45:46+00:00

At the higher levels, women don’t care if we’re being used. It’s mutual use at that point

UrusaiNa · 2023-04-21T04:34:42+00:00

Yeah I've seen a few too many "self-proclaimed 7s" that were closer to a 3 or 4 tops and exclusively dated men who were 8-9s. The most recent was a few days ago. The claim was "Well, I think it's fine to aim a little higher. If he's the same as me exactly then he'd have to be rich or like my soulmate or something"

... and I'm just thinking in my head... the fuck she smoking? ... like having big tits doesn't make you a 7 if you're just a fat natural B-cup.

Guys do this delusional crap too, sure, but it's like 20% of guys tops versus 80% of women being self-delusional about their sex appeal.

I moved back here recently from overseas, and tried to keep an open mind, but I don't think I'd ever want to date an American again. They're just yuck as people on average and hard to come across a good one that is single/realistic.

Best-Ad1187 · 2023-04-21T04:41:08+00:00

Don't be fooled.

Women are happy being used, in fact that is their erotica about.

They are just not honest enough to admit it.

veloron2008 · 2023-04-21T06:00:14+00:00

It's simply supply and demand in a highly commodified dating marketplace. This is what happens when humans use a stupid application to seek other humans as if they're ordering some product, or food.

Men "above your league" will also be above that of many other women. What did you think would happen? Those shitty guys can only "use you" because so many of you are apparently willing to be used.

ichbin514 · 2023-04-21T06:45:31+00:00

Most women in their 20s are delusional because of the attention they're getting, once they hit the 30s reality starts to kick in.

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Kobe_curry24 · 2023-04-21T00:39:44+00:00

Yea it’s an equal exchange it’s transactional value

Revolutionary-Swim24 · 2023-04-21T05:10:56+00:00

I think OPs point is that from Chad's perspective, if Chad is looking for a relationship, then Chad, given that he has all the options in the world, will only choose the best of the best and if you're average looking, high body count, have a kid, idk whatever people judge over, etc, you will find that the only thing Chad will want from you is casual sex. Meanwhile an average guy is going to actually be willing to settle for an average women, so regardless of if a percentage of average dudes will use women for sex, it's at least possible to score them long term.

Is this analysis entirely wrong? No. However, there's nuance missing. First of all, 80% of drivers think they're in the top 50% of drivers. Guys always like to think they have options unless they actually straight up can't get laid and most women think they're high value. If a guy thinks he can do better than you in a long term relationship, he wont take you seriously. Being Chad isn't that correlated, especially given that part of the male understanding of value in women is lacking materialism and being less aggressively hypergamous. As long as you're not referring to guys with zero self confidence, I dunno how much Chad is correlated. Second of all, there's not that many "high value women" out there in the west and a lot of Chads are kinda cynical about the concept and furthermore used to sluts, to the point where theyre often not really surrounded by a lot of quality and often settle with them.

Pathosgrim · 2023-04-21T05:58:42+00:00

You can't shame women away from possibly being used by men above their leagues. Biology says so

Crafty_Letter_1719 · 2023-04-21T09:11:52+00:00

Men with options are not very different than women with options. The only real difference is there are lots women with options but very few men with the same power.

Men that do process it though are usually in fact looking for the “one” and not just causal sex but because they have an abundance mindset they can afford to be very picky-and have very exacting standards in terms of long terms relationships. Just like women.

Women often complain about being “used” for sex( as if the act wasn’t consensual) because a man has apparently been deceptive in obtaining it. They say if they had known he wasn’t interested in a long term relationship they never would have slept with him ect…

What they often don’t realise that for a man with options a women is constantly being “auditioned” for the role of “partner” in the just the same way a man is constantly being judged for role of boyfriend. If you don’t earn enough, are not tall enough, don’t make her laugh, don’t have enough status, are bad in bed…you will be thrown to the curb and she will move on. This is just the harsh reality of dating for the vast majority of Men.

Women that complain about being “used” for sex are simply women that have failed their dating interview. It’s not that the “job vacancy” was never available in the first place. It’s that they didn’t do enough to warrant a offer. Just like most men have to jump through various hoops before they are deemed worthy of a romantic relationship, Men with options are running the same thought processes with their potential partners and the reality is sex is part of the vetting. If a man ghosts or dumps a woman straight after sleeping with her the sex simply wasn’t good enough for him to continue. It might be harsh but she blew her audition.

Women get understandably upset if they find themselves in this position as nobody likes rejection but if a man falls up short in the eyes of a Woman we tell him to work on improving himself. Hit the gym. Go on a diet. Get better in bed. Make more money. Cultivate your personality. Expand your mind. Become interesting. Learn to talk to Women. Dress better… essentially become a more attractive version of yourself so next time you stand a better chance with whoever you are attracted to.

Rarely though does a women who has been “used” for sex ask herself why? It’s just that the guy was a deceitful asshole. There is no introspection as to what they did “wrong” or how they could possibly improve their physical appearance or personality so the guys that are pumping and dumping them actually want to stick around.

Title	SOME men in your league will try to use you. But if you only go for men above your league, ALL OF THEM WILL
Author	anon35465768
Upvotes	94
Comments	333
Date	April 20, 2023 7:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12tcyzl/some_men_in_your_league_will_try_to_use_you_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/some-men-in-your-league-will-try-to-use-you-but-if.1215086 https://theredarchive.com/post/1215086

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