Cold approaching women is seen as 'shallow' and 'objectifying', but women rejecting men because they aren't physically attracted is normal

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-07-21T14:43:34+00:00

This thread has been removed for OP abandonment. Please read the rules regarding CMV threads. Any further questions should go to modmail.

SmoothForest · 2023-07-21T12:23:23+00:00

Men: I struggle with dating because I don't look attractive.

Women: No, I know plenty of ugly men who get laid. I wasn't attracted to my bf when I first got to know but he was gentle, sweet, and emotionally vulnerable and so I fell in love with him! You must struggle with dating because you have a shit personality.

Men: So looks don't matter?

Women: Who's saying looks don't matter! I never said that! I can't imagine dating a guy who isn't physically attractive!

Men: So.... wouldn't it make sense that being ugly would make me struggle with dating?

Women: No, I know plenty of ugly men.... etc.

Logic is a foreign concept to bluepillers.

enbaelien · 2023-07-21T13:03:59+00:00

Would you not reject someone you're unattracted to?

Wattehfok · 2023-07-21T11:31:29+00:00

Dude - this isnt rocket surgery.

Some women like to be approached some of the time by some guys. End of.

The kicker is that you don’t know till you try.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-07-21T11:58:25+00:00

If you're cold approaching for a number it's because you find them hot and probably want to fuck them. I think most cold approaches are viewed as asking if they want to hook up. If you're asking out an acquaintance it's because you find them hot AND it's presumed that you like them as a person and think they're compatible with you. Warm approach doesn't have to be about sexualizing them, but cold approaching is based on you sexualizing them. All dating is shallow and based on personal preferences.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-07-21T13:09:01+00:00

Cold approaches are like cracking open a beer. There’s a time and a place, bro. By coincidence: both are really ok to have happen at a bar. But would it be a good idea to just crack open a beer in the middle of a work day? How about while sitting on the subway mid day? Now there are always exceptions: heck someone might be looking to buy you a beer you just met.

Same with cold approach: if you aren’t sure- do it where it’s socially accepted.

YveisGrey · 2023-07-21T14:09:58+00:00

I never heard a woman argue that cold approaches are weird because of looks-ism. Most women think it’s weird because they don’t want to be approached by strange men. It’s like when you are going about your business and someone approaches you trying to sell you something. 9 times out of 10 that’s just annoying. Add to the fact that strange men sometimes harass women and you can see why women don’t like cold approaches.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2023-07-21T11:51:45+00:00

Bluepill constantly contradicts itself. It's a feature, not a bug.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-07-21T12:19:26+00:00

"cold approaches are weird, think about it he noticed you because of your body"

Litterallly no one but few very easily offendable people think this lmao.

bluestjuice · 2023-07-21T12:03:29+00:00

I don’t agree that cold approaching is inherently objectifying. Potentially bothersome, yes.

OpticalEpilepsy · 2023-07-21T12:13:17+00:00

Woman isn't interested in him <> she doesn't find him physically attractive

JNRoberts42 · 2023-07-21T13:42:57+00:00

Objectively attractive and attracted to are not the same things. A man who cold approaches me in a grocery store may be attractive, well-dressed, and well-built. But I'm not remotely attracted to that man. He probably returns to the PUA forums and complains that "women these days think they are prettier than they actually are". I don't think I'm too pretty for anyone. I just don't want to date a man who does weird things for the sake of female validation.

But you're a man, OP. Who are you going to believe? Him, who thinks women who reject him have an inflated sense of their own attractiveness, or the women who say "Yikes, he was weird/rude/pretentious/awkward/pushy/crude"?

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-07-21T13:11:14+00:00

Cold approaching women is seen as 'shallow' and 'objectifying'

Facts: cold approaching is only "shallow" or "objectifying" if you're ugly/low average, uncharismatic and/or have the social awareness of an awkward toddler as a guy.

The men that have the most trouble with cold approaches suffer from one or more of these issues — and these are the cold approaches that women notice and complain about.

The others? They're either successful or don't whine about a few misses.

1Here4Bach · 2023-07-21T14:01:37+00:00

Who cares? Males also reject women who they don’t find physically attractive. Why is it suddenly a problem and a societal ill when women do it?

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-07-21T12:14:59+00:00

women "cold approaches are weird, think about it he noticed you because of your body"

guy: "women say looks aren't that important, but-"

also women: "who is saying that looks aren't important? No one says that, looks absolutely matter I couldn't imagine dating a guy who wouldn't physically turn me on LMAO"

Once again, we find that many people here are unable to comprehend any position in between "looks don't matter" and "looks are the only thing that matters."

Also cold approaching isn't so much objectifying and shallow as is the attitude "I don't care whether a woman actually wants me to approach, I'm entitled to her time and energy because I find her physically attractive and nothing else," which is quite common here.

Once more, we see the problem is not the preference, but being an asshole about those preferences.

baiser_vole · 2023-07-21T13:56:33+00:00

I have such an unconventional personality that I just don’t entertain any cold approaches ever. To me, them just approaching for my looks when they’d just run the other way when getting to know my personality is shallow. And women are totally shallow too for caring about looks. What can I say. Lol

sweetbrown89 · 2023-07-22T04:32:48+00:00

Cold approaches are just weird solicitations

I don’t care how attractive you are or not — good sir — I’m just trying to buy snacks or work out or go about my day

Kinda weird to make it out to be that not wanting anything to do with a guy is based on shallowness

OP, your post just seems to be “women should just do what any random man wants to do with her”

🙄

januaryphilosopher · 2023-07-21T13:54:23+00:00

Saying that looks are important to you is different from saying there are people you want to date exclusively because of how they look.

badgersonice · 2023-07-21T14:17:20+00:00

There is a world of difference in meaning between “looks are not that important” and “looks are not important”.

It is not contradictory at all to say “looks are important, but they are not that important”… meaning they matter, but not as much as you claim. It is entirely logical to recognize that looks are important, but are that it’s not true that you have to be a top 2% looking Adonis to find someone. Most average guys are attractive enough that other aspects matter for who they date.

There is a subtlety that you are determined to reject. It’s plausible you’re expecting to be treated like an Adonis and won’t settle for anything less than perfect easy casual sex on demand.

You also could maybe consider that maybe different women have different thresholds and different desires, rather than being all black and white about it while painting women as a ridiculous monolith.

lady_ven0m · 2023-07-21T14:26:47+00:00

Because cold approaching gives salespeople vibes. I’m willing to bet guys who directly approach women are just playing a numbers game.

How is rejecting a man because he’s not attractive to me a comparable situation? You wouldn’t approach someone you’re not attracted to, right?

Looks being important is not the same as looks being the only thing that matters.

djdmaze · 2023-07-21T20:54:13+00:00

Stop believing everything women say. Problem solved

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2023-07-21T13:37:54+00:00

Are you really complaining that women are rejecting men they’re not attracted to?

Would you rather they be forced to date creeps, and overweight smegma-laden incels?

And I’ve never heard women complaining about being approached it’s being approached in a creepy way and refusing to take no for an answer that is the problem.

I’ve dated women I’ve met in supermarkets, college libraries, bars, parce and a bunch of other places and I’ve never been told I was objectifying women.

2023-07-21T13:09:42+00:00

we never said coming up and talking to us is shallow the way guys carry themselves when conducting this is fucking terrible. If we are not interested you guys get mad or say some slick shit or just show that your angry. Either pressing us for an answer of why we are not interested in you. All guys aren’t the same others can just take rejection and walk away like a normal person but guys will cause a seen shout yell and everything of the sort

microwavecancer · 2023-07-21T12:04:59+00:00

Looks matter, but if you are selecting for only looks - some people don't like that. It's presumed that you are only choosing to cold approach a girl because she is hot - we all know that men want to put their dicks inside women no matter what and this has nothing to do with wanting a relationship. In a way, you are saying "ma'am, can I fuck you with least amount of investment possible?". At least this is a message that I'm hearing if a stranger approaches me.

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-07-21T12:27:50+00:00

The main issue is HOW men cold approach. I don’t mind a man coming up to me to chat and ask for my number. I would be flattered honestly! The problem is the amount of men who CANNOT take no for an answer is genuinely shocking. It turns the situation uncomfortable and scary for us.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-07-21T21:49:04+00:00

False dichotomy. One is active, the other isn't. Non-action is neutral and action isn't and is perfectly within it's rights to be declined by someone that doesn't wish for action. There ya go.

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waffleznstuff30 · 2023-07-21T12:42:12+00:00

I don't think anyone has an issue with being approached. Because if you see someone who looks good and want to talk to them do it. By all means it's right there. Shoot your shot.

Why people don't like cold approaching is because the Rizz/game or whatever is boring or really awkward just plain bad. Or they don't read the room to know they are not interested and can't take the sign. If she's not talking or hanging around you or getting away and politely declining drinks or whatever from you. She's not into it. It's not an invitation to keep pressing on it's not a challenge it's a no.

And yes typically if you are more physically attractive you tend to have better luck cold approaching than someone who isn't. This isn't a mystery. Women like looks it's not some unheard truth or massive conspiracy. If you have good looks and charismatic and can talk to someone you will tend to have more success than someone who isn't as physically appealing.

ummizazi · 2023-07-21T13:05:34+00:00

I’m okay with cold approaching as long as it’s respectful and the guy can take rejection. Warm approaching works a lot more often.

herefortheparty01 · 2023-07-21T13:22:06+00:00

Yes. This is normal thinking

houstongradengineer · 2023-07-21T13:27:40+00:00

Having standards is critical, both for looks and for other things. Also, cold or semi-cold approaching isn't shallow or wrong if you at least start with relationship stuff instead of sex. My husband asked for my number after having a 10 minute conversation with me and sitting with me in class. That wasn't weird, because we had something in common and we were compatible and I gave him openings.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-21T13:57:37+00:00

I don’t think cold approaches are shallow and objectifying per se. But it depends on your approach. If you are making sexual remarks, yeah that is shallow and objectifying and almost threatening. Casually chatting up a girl and then asking her number is not objectifying though.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-07-21T14:59:52+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with cold approaching as long as you keep it light and take no for an answer without getting butthurt

Neptune-Jr · 2023-07-21T17:01:59+00:00

I don't understand what you guys want. You want women to go out with guys they don't want?

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-07-21T17:13:07+00:00

It’s fine to approach someone because you’re attracted to them and it’s fine to reject someone because you’re not. It’s not fine to get creepy or throw a fit because someone rejected you.

operation-spot · 2023-07-21T20:59:01+00:00

When men cold approach there is an implication that they want sex. They only want sex because of her body and if she doesn’t want to be defined in that way, she won’t like it. It’s seen as shallow because you don’t know enough about that person to be attracted to them in anyway. That attraction is lust and lust fades so if a woman is only seeking a long term relationship, she won’t accept. Maybe she would if the approach was different but you’ll never know because she now thinks of you as the horny guy who just wanted to fuck.

I know y’all hate it but on two x they were talking about how bad they feel if they end up rejecting a man so don’t think anyone’s having fun when they’re the bearer of bad news.

thetacobitch · 2023-07-21T22:57:35+00:00

Find me a woman that has ever said the first part. I stg you guys invent fake arguments just to argue with yourselves.

Women don’t like being approached by MOST men because we aren’t interested, feel uncomfortable having to reject you, and a ton of men are just flat out creepy.

Honestly if you want to approach a woman, I would say “Hey, I’m on my way out but just wanted to say I think you’re stunning and I’d love to take you on a date sometime. Here’s my number, text me if you’re interested.” And then walk away.

SylvarGrl · 2023-07-22T00:06:28+00:00

Dude, imagine for a second that you are exploring a new city and you are looking for the perfect pub to grab a bite. You’re traveling for business, so you’re looking fairly presentable, and you have a couple of hours to kill before your client meeting.

You find a place just outside of the business district where you notice several fairly well dressed young professional types like yourself, some alone some in groups of two or more. You snag a table, place your order, and pull out your phone to check out what might be fun to do tonight.

A shadow falls over you and there’s a whisper of paper in front of you as someone brushes by your table. You look up and see a figure retreating towards the back of the pub, where there are booths and soft music and less lamps.

You smell cedar and a hint of balsam fir. The paper she dropped in front of you simply says, “Hi, sexy”. You glance after her and make unexpected eye contact, because she has turned around and is watching you as you read. She smiles when she sees you looking, and the invitation is clear.

The only problem is that you are not remotely interested. She is reasonably attractive, clean, well-dressed, etc., but you find her personally unappealing. Not repulsive, just really not interested. (Insert deal-breaking turnoff here, I guess.)

Since you are NOT interested, how do you react? What if your reaction, no matter how politely framed,is met with a tirade about how all cis men are just cockteasing assholes, and why would you even go around dressed like that if you’re not interested!?

What if she didn’t want to take no for an answer? What if she followed you to your hotel when you left, loudly complaining that you should want her whether you like pussy or not, because she is a high-value person, and you should be grateful that she is willing to stoop so low as to sully herself with someone “like you”, and that you will forever regret passing up this opportunity? What if she then explained in detail the perceived emotional risks she took in offerings her magnificence to someone like yourself, someone too ungrateful to see what a prize they could be getting?

I’ll tell you what would happen if she did all that and more. You would have a brief and blessedly temporary sensation of what it is like being a woman encountering someone like you. That’s what.

For the love of all that’s holy, will you people for once figure out that there is more importance in all of us than what we do with our genitals!

gntlbastard · 2023-07-22T01:54:24+00:00

I refuse to date western women. Majority of them are on some sort of psych mediation and think life is supposed to be a Nora Ephron movie.

IAbstainFromSociety · 2023-07-22T02:28:54+00:00

There are two forms of attraction, emotional and sexual. Only one of those can be felt to a woman you've never met before. That's why women call it weird.

_demidevil_ · 2023-07-22T09:50:26+00:00

You… you realise women don’t have one collective brain right?

I’ve actually never heard cold app e referred to as shallow or objectifying, it’s more that it’s creepy, unwanted and often inappropriate. Rejecting men can be dangerous, people don’t want to be put in that position while going about their daily business.

armonilyss · 2023-07-23T01:16:12+00:00

nobody said that

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2023-07-25T16:45:57+00:00

No one wants to be objectified. Everyone wants to objectify.

Title	Cold approaching women is seen as 'shallow' and 'objectifying', but women rejecting men because they aren't physically attracted is normal
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	96
Comments	272
Date	July 21, 2023 11:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/155l9x7/cold_approaching_women_is_seen_as_shallow_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cold-approaching-women-is-seen-as-shallow-and.1225987 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225987

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