CMV: Women who proclaim "where are all the good men", "there are no good men", "I will never settle" etc are actually red flags and are the loud minority.

biscuitcatapult · 2023-12-28T04:52:36+00:00

Agreed. It’s the same energy as when a man claims that all his exes are crazy.

What’s the saying? Something like, “if it smells like shit everywhere you go, you might want to check your own shoes.”

Wing_Puzzleheaded · 2023-12-28T10:11:22+00:00

These women ask where all the good are men but never take the initiative to go find and approach men. These women just expect men to do everything for them.

TomKikkert · 2023-12-28T06:06:38+00:00

When commenting on stuff like this I always look to real world examples. Like my niece.

She is 34 and desperate for a child. Wonders where all the good men are. She was 29 and desperate for some love so went through her high school photo and found the only single boy and chased him. They dated for 4 years and recently broke up. She had been nagging him to get married and put a baby in her and he had enough.

Before that she was one of those very clingy girls who had to know exactly where her boyfriend was at all times and he was not allowed to talk to women. Any girl was a threat.

Women who only see the worst in others and have control issues are most likely the ones saying “where are all the good men?” Because in their eyes, they are perfect and their partners are not perfect

emorizoti · 2023-12-28T05:49:20+00:00

When I was much younger, I thought that they were really emotionally strong women who were after "real men" and had high standarts. Now that I'm older and dated or befriended such women, I can see through it and realize it is just a mask. There is a reason why they are single and why they are always complaining about all men.

DzejSiDi · 2023-12-28T10:04:07+00:00

Yes, this is still a minority, but how did you "figure out" that this is NOT an actual problem??

According to a projection by Morgan Stanley, it is estimated that by 2030, 45% of women in their “prime working years” (ages 25 to 44) will likely be single and without children.

This hurts both sexes and destroys already bad demography of the western word, have fun in the future, becase % of "forever childless" women will jump from ~15% in USA to 25? 30?

dbz__f · 2023-12-28T04:47:30+00:00

> Women who proclaim "where are all the good men", "there are no good men", "I will never settle" etc are actually red flags and are the loud minority.

Sometimes, it is not necessarily that they are bad people. It's just that they are stupid and continue to do foolish things even though they know they are wrong

I know one woman who actually gave good advice, but she herself wasted time with a younger Indian man in her late 30s lol, and now she is struggling with insecurity over her age. The funny thing is she earlier criticized me for saying 'Age matters,' lol.

mybotisonfire · 2023-12-28T19:56:11+00:00

Could be narcissistic traits on both sides of the male/female fence.

Most people who are narcissistic who I know have a few things in common.

They have massive blind spots about their own shortcomings.
They tend to over-estimate "all things them" - appearance, fitness, accomplishments.
Are hypercritical of others to almost comical degrees.

This is where you have an insufferable person who thinks they are a victim, while being deluded about their own worth, and putting down others literally into the ground. What's funny is when the person they're putting down easily has higher mate value than they do. When they get dumped or ignored by said person, they come up with some convenient excuse why it didn't work, or project their own failings onto that person. Or, they'll just use their "blind spot" shield and move on to their next target.

These people often say "there are no good women/men left in this city/place".

This is their most notable "projection" - the most significant "no good" person in their equation is looking at them in the mirror.

These people also never grow as individuals, because everything is always everybody else's fault and the universe is just some big mean bully who won't give them their due.

I think general narcissism is on the rise today, whether or not clinical narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is going up.

Social media, IG accounts, Tik Tok... these tools have given ordinary average "little stars" a platform to host their "me show".

Ever scroll through your social media feed and give those usual handful of friends their "like for the day" for some "yet another amazing thing" that is not really all that amazing? Or that "do I look tired in this?" fake humblebrag look how hot I am bullshit post?

Wonder if they know those are all pity likes...

KratosGodOfLove · 2023-12-28T20:17:12+00:00

To add to your list, women who say 'I'm very picky' or 'I have extremely high standards' turn me off instantly and those are red flags in and of themselves.

The problem with dating women who say that they're still single because they're 'picky' is just because I satisfy her conditions on day 1, does not mean I will be able to satisfy her on day 2. These people have an extremely low tolerance. Their goal posts are extremely narrow and not only is it narrow, it's constantly moving depending on how they feel one day to another day.

These people claim they will never take shit from anyone. But newsflash, if you are in a relationship with somebody, you will always be taking someone's shit. The issue is how much shit you are willing to take and what type of shit. As a human being, I am not 100% satisfied with myself. Sometimes, I might be more disappointed in myself than I am proud. That means I am taking my own shit. So if I am expected to take shit from myself, how is it reasonable that you expect to never take shit from your partner.

NockerJoe · 2023-12-28T18:05:37+00:00

A good chunk of them grossly misinterpret what level they're on. I took a temporary job doing traffic control while my main job in the film industry was on strike. There I worked with a parade of former executives, high level programmers, and other former "high level" men who formerly had money and status and women they would still brag about. But here they were now, holding up a stop sign in the suburbs. When I worked in a Wal-Mart as a teenager not too long after the 2008 recession it was the same shit where half the older dudes rhere used to work for high powered companies in exciting roles but the best they could do now was sell tv's in a small town chain store. Hell even right now one of my best friends was a programmer for multiple big name companies and a FAANG programmer, but with the tech industry as it is he's been unemployed for like a year and his family is understandably upset since this wasn't a part of "the deal". To be fair a kot of these people, including me, fully expect to bounce back, and the ones starting that low often have plans to get somewhere higher up.

I get the sense that a lot of these women looking for a dude "on their level" are stilk reasonably young and got a decent job not too long after college and aren't aware how easily that can be taken from them, or how the dude they find can easily lose that level as well. Likewise it only takes a couple of lucky breaks for someone at a lower level to suddenly become too good for them.

The whole point of a marriage vow is that you explicitly swear that you're going to stick by your partner through all of that shit. But if you're trying to dance around it early into a relationship by focusing on immeidate wealth and status you very often miss the point.

shadowrangerfs · 2023-12-28T14:41:57+00:00

I agree with them being a loud minority.

I disagree that it is a red flag. That really depends on what the woman does in response to that belief. If she thinks there aren't many good man and therefore works to make her self as attractive as possible so that one of the few good men will want her, then it's not a red flag.

RorschachRosettes · 2023-12-28T20:22:08+00:00

That 30 year old woman is the result of redpill, if y'all hate her so much, I recommend you stop making 'em.

As a woman, I agree, and I say this AS a woman in my 30s who was not only a part of that chorus once, but who still deals with it amongst my friends to this day.

The issue with a lot of those women is that they're still stuck in Cool Girl mode. Cool Girl is what you do in your teens and 20s, before you've learned a thing or two about self-respect and its basically a way of making yourself as chill and low-effort as possible to men because you're still stuck in male validation mode....except you are making yourself overly available and accessible to the worst kind of male validation by being easy, especially to men who aren't all that interested in you but you make it easy for them to date you so they go along for the cheap dates and easy, non-committal pussy.

They complain that they can't find a man on their level, or that all men are trash, but they're meeting up with 40 men a year off Tinder for low effort coffee dates and wonder what's going on. They complain about men not being on their level, but will be the first to act like they're empowered for bankrolling a total loser of a boyfriend when they finally met someone that's somewhat attractive.

In other words, they have no standards and think there's some sort of virtuosity in that.

They're fuckboy bait, and they never grew out of that.

They bought into hookup culture, and they believe that they're going to find someone who's willing to invest in them at the least amount of effort on both their ends. And it just doesn't work that way.

I said what I said, if this bothers you and you feel called out, die mad.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-12-28T09:33:08+00:00

The complaint "no good men" is a good sign imo, that's how it should be

If women chose to wage their little gender war against us, why would men strive for their standard of "good"? We should strive to be the most boring, rude, inconsiderate, condescending men to them unless we're trying to fuck.

WYenginerdWY · 2023-12-28T10:03:34+00:00

they couldn't find a man "on their level" to date were the majority and that there was an actual problem,

Any article you see published about this subject will bluntly acknowledge that there aren't enough decent male partners available for straight women. The causes I've seen discussed track back to women shedding enforced gender roles faster than men are willing to accommodate and men not picking up the appropriate emotional/interpersonal skills women value in the face of changing gender roles.

You can't be a man and say "hey I got a good job at the factory and promise not to hit you in the face" and expect that to land you a partner any more.

Women are asking "where are the good dudes" because there literally isn't enough supply to meet demand.

Life-Illustrator-217 · 2023-12-28T06:31:17+00:00

I say this as a guy, there are legit discrepancies here. Let me preface this that anyone who has the complaints without taking action to work on themselves is a loser. These phrases themselves are also pretty cringey. But the general idea I think is fair.

Nice guy syndrome is rampant, men being NEETs is rampant, alcoholism or drug addiction. All more common in men. And a lot of the actually intellectual, responsible guys are massive pussies. I have had to deal with male roommates and so many of them suck. I feel for my sister. She is beautiful woman, worked as a model actually, super kind, caring, responsible, stays in good shape. And she has definitely complained how difficult it is to lock down a guy with basic social skills, decent shape, and a full time job. And I believe her. She is not a passive dater at all, she goes on the apps she's very social, meets tons of people.

And this is in part I guess you could say "women's" fault. Feminism told us what's bad about men, but nobody ever really came out to talk about what's good about men. So many dudes growing up with no father to tell them. It's fucked.

I could definitely complain about modern women a lot too. They are also not staying in shape, a lot of them complain and whine constantly, have a victim mindset, don't clean after themselves, way too guided by emotion, argumentative for the point of being arguementative. But in my experience and according to the statistics, the average young women probably makes a better partner than the average young man. It's tough out here though either way.

10throwawayantsy · 2023-12-28T04:40:36+00:00

Red flags in terms of other mental health issues, sure.

But it seems like your argument is missing context. Women don't randomly wake up hating men, but I, and a lot of women, are exhausted by the number of abusive men.

Honestly women could complain about what they experience much more than they actually do

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-12-28T05:30:01+00:00

Women have grown up watching previous generations of women suffer through bad marriages and relationships, frequently because they needed them to survive economically, ranging from physical and sexual abuse to simply being a chronically inconsiderate partner. They've seen their mothers and grandmothers sacrifice their lives, their careers, and their potential in service to their family to a degree that has never been expected of men, and if they're lucky they'll get a wonderful marriage out of it, but quite frequently they don't even get that.

Women today are more independent than ever and the openness of discussion among women, particularly about their dating and relationship experiences, has led them to the conclusion that they are likely better off alone than rolling the dice with a guy.

A year or two ago, a woman posted here explaining that, "guys are not competing against other guys. They're competing against the peace and fulfilment I enjoy in solitude. If you are not improving my quality of life beyond what I am capable of by myself, why would I waste my time?"

The dudes here told her she was wrong.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-28T06:39:54+00:00

Men constantly tell us that there is a myriad of amazing and wonderful men lining up to date us in our youth only for them to turn their backs to us the moment we turn 25 or 30 or 35. But the reality is:

a) if these women are shy and socially awkward and a late bloomer men still want the same retribution and revenge on her for random women who may have been promiscuous in the past

B) wonderful and great men want only the hot women. So a kind of frumpy chubby woman isn’t going to have bunches of great men lining up to date her. She’ll get weird men who have untreated mental health issues or men who want to use her for sex or men who blindly swipe right on anyone. But serious, good men? Lmfao that’s left to the hot women and men here make that very loud and clear.

There are very few women who were hot and beautiful in their youth who didn’t find a single good man or who suddenly had all her options vanish in the blink of an eye at midnight on her 25/30/35 th birthday.

But there are a bunch of average women and below who men love to mock and humiliate and call unattractive (look how men act on this forum) who haven’t received Stacy treatment ever in their lives and they are the ones who don’t meet good men. These women are also invisible to men since men only notice beautiful women.

Safinated · 2023-12-28T05:52:40+00:00

Who is claiming otherwise ?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-12-28T12:30:23+00:00

ok, i dont know what has happened online with the nuances and meanings of words, as always i assume everyones ESL, but GOOD in this context does not mean MORALLY GOOD. it means "suited to me" or "has the characteristics i want" like "i need a good pair of gloves"

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-12-28T13:41:52+00:00

Yes and no.

I think lamenting the lack of viable options is valid in some cases it can be desert out there. I think loudly proclaiming it online and whining about a lack of options while not doing anything to actively change your dynamics and just whine is a red flag. Sometimes you need to venture outside your pool log off the apps take a break entirely . If there is a lack for you it means likely probably shouldn't be dating at the moment. You are dating from a place of scarcity which means that if someone just barely passes your criteria you will desperately throw yourself at them and place way too much pressure on yourself.

I agree with not settling. If you have to settle for a romantic relationship it's kind of doomed. You are going for the relationship and not for the person you are in a relationship with. And saying I'll never settle just sounds like you have to reiterate it to yourself to remind yourself. Have standards yes. Uphold those standards. Yes. But to loudly say it is like a challenge it's something you keep to yourself. And you judge others who try to date you up to those standards to determine if you are settling or not.

Mitago1 · 2023-12-28T14:24:04+00:00

It's quite funny to see men go: ''the are no good women'' and women go: ''there are no good men''. There is no actual way that maybe you're the problem yourself, right?

exponentialtaxi · 2023-12-28T04:55:22+00:00

Some of them are not wrong, but there's a lack of good any gender in the dating scene right now

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Different_Cress7369 · 2023-12-28T09:05:33+00:00

The women who say this sort of thing have been saying it since they were 16, and they were hard work then too.

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-28T17:22:24+00:00

So, I don't think almost anyone thinks they're settling for their partner or that their partner is average. The fact it may objectively be true that this is the case doesn't change the fact we all tend to perceive our partner as "above average" or "outstanding" or "a good man among not so good men".

But with that said, in my experience, you get two broad categories here. Women saying it that are absolute basket cases with trash taste that can't figure out they're the problem and women who are somewhat correctly evaluating that finding a man they find to be outstanding is difficult and that even more than that, finding a man who is better than being alone is extremely difficult.

And that's the real test these days, a man has to be better than our own peaceful single life. And that's a taller and taller order in an age where I can stream bodice rippers while my robot slave cleans the floor. Relationship are hard. Men are difficult creatures almost by nature. And it's pretty easy to often feel like this prince you've been told exists and you'll find isn't there that there are no good men left because most people aren't better than being single and finding the person who is better than that is necessarily difficult.

eye_of_gnon · 2023-12-28T18:15:22+00:00

Those women scream about those things for the same reason incel men scream about how awful women are... they're losers in the sexual marketplace and are taking it out on society.

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2023-12-28T20:57:59+00:00

I don't know about that but if we look at divorce as a proxy for long term happiness being with the same man or woman, let's just say I rather play my cards being single, you shouldn't ever consider marriage unless you really have a burning desire to have children

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-12-29T10:23:15+00:00

Absolutely, screaming how everyone around you in no good toxic etc should always be a red flag.

Either that person is the problem or they are surrounded by toxic people, and if you ever realise this in life you don’t scream about it you remove yourself and do some self reflection on how you ended up in the situation

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-29T11:14:09+00:00

Hmm...it depends. We could debate the causation, but men today ARE underperforming. Not just against women, but by absolute metrics. Porn addiction. Drug issues. Video gaming. Dropping out of education. Low Testosterone. Obesity. Sedentary and passive. No functioning masculine ideal. Etc. Etc.

To what extent women caused this all can be argued. But either way, men are the way men are today.

rpujoe · 2024-01-03T16:38:40+00:00

Sorta? The way I see it single women 25+ are a walking red flag for men who want a family, and here's why...

We should give our best to our partners and in this context that includes women giving their future husbands their physical prime. It's that mental picture of your hot young naked body that gets seared into our brains that fuels our libido when we're old and wrinkled. Without that mental picture life is the bedroom is going to be problematic for both of you long-term.
Find your husband 18-22, get married about 22-23, and start cranking out those kids. In about 5 years once they're off to school, THAT is the time to get your degree and start your career. And your future employers will thank you for it. Not literally, but in the back of their minds it's a big relief knowing you're not going to ditch them for an extended period of time for maternity leave and to possibly never come back.
Reality check: the world is women's oyster in their late teens and early to mid-20s and they will never have more options than during this phase of their lives. If they're not wifed up by 25, then the following is at play:

They don't want a family (which is fine, but they're not for you) or
They do want a family and instead of focusing on that goal they've squandered their prime childbearing years doing a number of things I don't get into here. For most men these women won't view them as viable prospects until the wall approaches and the women settle. Sadly these are frequently men who the women would have ignored as a romantic prospect in their prime just a few years earlier.

Speaking for men, nobody wants to be settled for, and we instinctively know not to marry the town bicycle. This is why for men who want a family my standing advice is to only date women 18-24 to find a wife and mother for your kids. They're less likely to have trauma, baggage, or be alpha widowed.

And if your state/country allows it, consider going even younger. Most of the world 16 is the legal age of consent, and plenty of them already know what they want, so don't dismiss them out of hand.

TL;DR - Ladies, if you know you want to get married and have a family, do it BEFORE getting a degree, BEFORE starting a career, and BEFORE you get ran through & alpha widowed.

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