Friendzone complaints mainly come from guys who dont value friendships.

centaurus_a11 · 2025-01-22T12:38:39+00:00

No point in continuing being friends with someone you have feelings for, if they don’t feel the same. The relationship is just not platonic, at least from one side.

The vast majority of people wouldn’t like their partner to remain friends with people they turned down because way too many times this “friend” is waiting for their feelings to be reciprocated. Nothing about this “friendship” is platonic.

John_Oakman · 2025-01-22T12:54:10+00:00

Valuing friendship also means caring about the other person enough to know that oneself might become the problem and therefor removing oneself from the equation for their sake.

CreepyVictorianDolls · 2025-01-22T12:00:48+00:00

I'm honestly surprised so many women don't relate to the frustration with the friend zone and think it's fake or whatever.

Have you never fallen in love with a friend? And then watched them reject you, however politely, and slowly fall into a romantic relationship with someone else? And you still care for them, mind you, you want them in your life. That's why you maybe even stay. But it hurts so much.

You keep thinking "why isn't it me". You can't fault them for it, it just isn't you, you understand that, but you really, really wanted it to be you.

That shit is painful. It's normal to be sad about it.

It's not about "I wanted to have sex with them but I don't get to 😠", it's about "You were becoming the most important person in my life, but I can see that I'm not that to you".

leosandlattes · 2025-01-22T15:04:53+00:00

The standard advice for men in the friendzone is to leave it. And regardless, most people back off when their crush doesn’t reciprocate feelings. It’s a completely normal thing that happens, so that the time and distance can help them get over the crush.

If you are in a mutual friend group you’d probably still see each other at large group events or parties, but I think it’s reasonable to cool off on intimate hangouts, especially one-on-one.

Someone who doesn’t understand that I need space probably does not see me as a whole human with feelings. They view me as an object for their pleasure and as such is not a very good friend.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2025-01-22T11:10:42+00:00

> Willing to end a friendship you ALLEGEDLY valued because your genitals wont get touched is insane behavior.

Staying in close friendship with someone you've developed feelings when they're not reciprocated is bigger insanity. Trivializing it as a blue-balls kind of pain is not right and unfair.

Yes, I value my own sanity more than anyone's friendship.

weenieandthebutt · 2025-01-22T12:06:35+00:00

It's stupid for any man to seek out female friendship in the hopes of getting some. Though I also hate the, "you don't value platonic female friendships" rebuttal if you express any sort of sexual or romantic need.

I'll say this straight, if you got a gf or sexual choices in your life, you can also appreciate platonic interactions on the side. If you got unmet needs, you're naturally gonna prioritise those more and friendship ain't a substitute.

FrodoCraggins · 2025-01-22T19:44:07+00:00

"Anyone who ever wants to have sex with you at any point in your life never valued your friendship and was just waiting to get into your pants the whole time! The guy you've known since kindergarten was just playing the long game to get his dick wet in college! He never saw you as a friend!"

djblackmith · 2025-01-22T12:16:37+00:00

Lmaooo

InitialPaths989 · 2025-01-22T16:04:58+00:00

There’s 2 ways a guy can be real friends with a woman. He already had sex with her, or he doesn’t want to have sex with her and doesn’t wish she was his girlfriend. Then it’s fine, if he’s secretly pining for her all the time it’s problematic for him and the relationship becomes one sided to her.

Dry_Personality7194 · 2025-01-22T11:56:51+00:00

Missing one bit of the puzzle here. (Might only apply during our 20s tho)

Over the last 15 years I’ve been friends with a large number of men and women. People I’ve meet throughout school, work and hobbies. Plenty of opportunities to observe the friendzone phenomenon.

OP is arguing in bad faith and creating a false narrative that sure I’ve seen on occasion but it’s not the norm.

Guy meets girl and they become acquainted with each other. This turns into an equal friendship where both put in and receive roughly the same. Guy develops feelings for the girl and starts putting more into the friendship compared to what he’s getting out of it. (Favors, money, time, starting the chat first etc) he eventually shoots his chance or chickens out.

But realize he’s not meant for anything except a friend which is fine. In most cases he reverts the relationship back to a more equal friendship. But after months of a friendship where he’s been overcompensating the girl suddenly feels like something is wrong. She’s not getting the same amount of undue attention/affection and confuses this with him ending the friendship.

While in reality it’s back to a normal friendship where if you want attention you have to give attention.

Is anybody at fault? Nah not really. It’s just human interaction.

And no. In most male friendships we don’t pay for each others shit and if we help you out we expect help back. We’re not keeping a tab usually but we know if things are skewed. Longer friendships allow for this imbalance to stretch a little but usually the friendship never gets to this point if we don’t perceive it as a relationship between equals.

classicslayer · 2025-01-22T12:53:33+00:00

Expecting someone to stick around when you don't or can't give them what they want is childish. There's nothing wrong with a guy leaving a friendship when he gets rejected.

yptheone · 2025-01-22T15:14:02+00:00

Yall are way to obsessed with having male friends. Its pathetic but i get it. Im glad men are starting to get wise and stop being their pseudo boyfriends. Men dont owe yall shit, GET OVER IT.

Gitsumrestmf · 2025-01-22T11:06:55+00:00

To be in relationship is to be friends first, with commitment, mutual goal, and sexual chemistry added.

Having said that, men and women just don't make good friends. If I need a buddy to hang out with, a dude is just more fun with less hassle.

wtknight · 2025-01-22T13:15:45+00:00

Which begs the question, why should anyone pick a guy like that as a boyfriend if he finds the non-sexual aspects of a relationship so unbearable?

Some women choose men who don’t really care about them all the time when they choose them for casual sex or situationships. Other men just want to be placed in the same category of these men.

They value friendships just as much as the women who sleep with these men value friendships with those men. I actually think that these men potentially do value friendships with these women if they get along enough with them in the process of having quick sex with them. The men just want the power to choose whether it’s worth it to pursue a friendship after sex or not.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-22T16:36:01+00:00

Question - answer honestly.

If you really want to be my friend, would you introduce me to your single girlfriends so I can fuck them? Because I would certainly do that for my male friends if I knew any single girls. Or would that be off the table because the “friendship” is on your terms and only what you want it to be?

Zabadoodude · 2025-01-22T17:49:37+00:00

Someone can genuinely be friends, then later develop feelings, then find it painful to keep being platonic friends. There's nothing deceitful about this and it doesn't mean they don't value friendships.

I have been on the other side of this. A female friend developed feelings for me. After I rejected her she became distant and I eventually lost her as a friend. I don't have any ill will towards her for this. I don't think she "doesn't value friendships." It's just an unfortunate situation that isn't anybody fault.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-01-22T18:47:18+00:00

Nobody owes anybody anything.

If she does not want to date him or even give him a chance, she is under no obligation to.

If he does not want to be her platonic friend if she offers him that in lieu of dating, he is under no obligation to either.

If either one of them misrepresents the nature of their interest in order to secure something else, then they are dishonest and even moreso don't deserve the connection with the other (meaning he pretends to be her "friend" to get in her pants, or she leads him on romantically because she likes the attention while knowing she isn't interested). However, ultimately the choice to walk away or offer a different type of connection than the one the other proposes is up to each person to decide for themselves according to their own agency.

If you don't like the deal being offered, you're free to walk away.

When I was single, there were plenty of people I wanted to be friends with that I didn't want to date. There were many people I could do either with. There were a handful of people I initially viewed as I would date, but not be friends with, too. Each person has the right to make these decisions for themselves and if the two can't agree on a nature of a connection, then it's best they be nothing at all to each other.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-01-22T11:45:37+00:00

To begin with, not only men but also women can fall into the Fredzone, and there is no difference between who exactly received unrequited feelings.

>Which begs the question, why should anyone pick a guy like that as a boyfriend if he finds the non-sexual aspects of a relationship so unbearable?

It is a strawman because that such men only value sex from their female friend. If this were so, then they would physically not be able to fake interest in her for so long. So no, they are completely attached to her spiritually.

>Dont you just hate when a woman’s definition of being friends….is being friends?!

What you have listed is already much more intimate for anyone because they have feelings. They value friendship, but also find all these interactions intimate

>And Im tired of the “Women arent entitled to male friendships” clapback. The issue is betraying her trust and pretending you ever gave a damn about her. Willing to end a friendship you ALLEGEDLY valued because your genitals wont get touched is insane behavior.

It may be reasonable to leave such a friendship because without at least temporary detachment, feelings CANNOT be overcome. Every interaction with the object of attraction and love strengthens feelings, no matter how you try to rationalize it in your head. A huge number of people truly love another person and this cannot be changed with the snap of a finger.

But if you demand that someone (whom you supposedly sincerely value as a friend) remain in a relationship with you where they are truly hurt, this is literally the definition of selfishness. This perfectly shows that then you simply value them not as a friend (who is having a hard time right now), but as just a means of stroking your ego

SayuriKitsune · 2025-01-22T13:27:38+00:00

To be honest now when a man tell me about feelings and aren't mutual, they don't even go to the friendzone anymore, they go to the void zone . I cut contact completely. Because in my experience, they just wait in the friendzone like vultures , for a moment of weakness and try again. I don't need that, welcome to the void zone, where nothing ever leaves. Also this men usually aren't even good friends... so... nothing to loose.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-01-22T12:48:20+00:00

Friend zone situations aren't friend situations because typically the woman just takes takes takes (as women do in pretty much every interaction)

GorgeousJones5 · 2025-01-22T12:32:10+00:00

You are assuming the woman is unaware of the man's romantic/sexual interests. 9 times out of 10 she's stringing him along for her own benefit or an ego boost.

My argument is if you don't have sympathy for men in the friend zone then don't expect men to sympathize with women who are in situationships. A woman being reduced to a sex only role is the female equivalent to being friend zoned.

Equal_Connect · 2025-01-22T14:31:17+00:00

Well in my personal experience a lot of platonic friendships later became romantic over time and if you have feelings for someone and they dont you basically put your own mental health in jeopardy so its better to just pull back from the person.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-01-22T15:39:42+00:00

Continuing a friendship with someone you have feelings for, when they don't feel the same will only lead to resentment, jealousy and depression. It's best to make a clean break because the dynamics of the relationship have changed forever. Also, it gives the person who was rejected the space and closure to move on and find someone who wants to be with them romantically

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-01-22T15:50:34+00:00

I can empathize with men on feeling rejected. It sucks. But you have two options. Either move along cut ties because it's so emotionally painful. Or accept it is what it is and you have this person in your life but that is as far as your relationship will go.

One thing. One thing I could mention.

Usually a "crush" is us seeing an idealized version of this person. And an idealized person will always be like "perfection". And if you can just get their romantic attention you are on that level. It's really irrational. Because a lot of the time a crush is a lack of information and out brains fill out the missing pieces. Because halo effect/wanting it to work. So we have this idealized version of who someone is.

I think actually spending time with someone you have a crush on even if it's platonically is good. It allows you to get that information so they aren't on that pedestal. Eventually they become a real person and you can see how it may or may not align with your values. They could be a massive tightwad. You are more laid-back. They could be really disorganized, you're more organized. They could be really into movies so much so that they pause and talk about what's so cutting edge in this scene. You are just trying to watch the movie.

You can learn these things organically and have another friend? But again only as much as you can emotionally tolerate. Like if it's you were betting on this person or they acted like they wanted to date and then just says we are just friends. You are allowed to not entertain it.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-01-22T16:38:26+00:00

I certainly don’t blame anyone for wanting to not be in the friend zone anymore. Especially if it’s affecting their mental and emotional health. Simply eating a tub of ice cream and crying overnight isn’t going to make them feel better. And those who complain about always being in the friend zone don’t like always being rejected. Cause nobody likes being rejected. If you’re someone who always lands in the friend zone and gets rejected, you’re going to complain about it. It doesn’t mean that they don’t value the friendship they created. They just wanted something more than that with someone and don’t like being told no all of the time.

InterestingDiamond35 · 2025-01-23T05:50:13+00:00

Yeah, I don’t get the “friend zone” crap. I like having friends, and their are plenty of fish in the sea.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-01-23T08:52:25+00:00

Props to that. A question a young man must ask himself is: would I be happy spending time with her even without sex ? Doing this filtering will lead to a more fulfiling relationship since it has good basis

My wife should be at least one of my best friends first

dannydawiz · 2025-01-24T05:50:11+00:00

Women are not worthless without the promise of immediate sex. The problem with one on one friendships between men and women is that they only tend to work out if neither parties are attracted to one another. You have to question what separates a regular friendship from an intimate relationship excluding sex. You already named a few of them which includes gifts, financial support, emotional support, and quality time. All of these things can eventually lead up to intimate feelings being developed between the two parties even if they didn’t exist initially. Eventually if no one decides to act on it is you become trapped in an intimate relationship with somebody that isn’t your girlfriend/boyfriend. I was good friends with a woman for over 6 years and never had any sexual thoughts about her until one night she confessed to me that sleeping with me was her fantasy. She told me she was depressed and wanted me to promise her that I would sleep with her. She got engaged one month later to my best friend and invited me to be one of the best men at her wedding. So it’s not that women aren’t entitled to male friendships it’s just that a woman’s definition of a friendship with a man usually includes boyfriend treatment without boyfriend benefits. I’m not saying that friendships between men and women are impossible they are just a lot harder to keep platonic especially if you are an attractive woman or man.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-01-22T13:15:47+00:00

I know women aren't going to like this, but at a certain age, they just come across as immature and naive for thinking straight men actually want to be their friends.

ParanoidAgnostic · 2025-01-22T13:14:20+00:00

The friendzone isn't anything like actual friendship. It is an extremely asymmetric relationship. One person gives far more than they would in a friendship and the other gives far less.

I'm going to gender this because it makes talking about it simpler. I'm sure similar dynamics exist with the genders reversed and even with two people of the same gender.

Let's say a man and a woman are, to most disinterested observers, "friend". He has a crush on her but she has no romantic interest in him.

Now, it is possible that they are actually friends. It's possible for men and women to be friends, even if one would like to be more.

That's not the scenario I'm talking about. In the friendzone, the man will be an absolute doormat. He will drop everything to help her in any way he can. She would never reciprocate. He will listen to her problems for hours. She shows no interest in his life.

I'm sure this feels great for her. Absolute dedication from him with no effort on her part. I don't even think this is something the woman does deliberately. If I got this treatment from someone, I'd lap it up too.

However, this is soul-crushing for him. He's like an addict, destroying his life, chasing the brief high he gets from the times he can lie to himself that they are really connecting.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-01-22T12:15:49+00:00

Women aren’t great friends to men. And it’s also used to obfuscate attraction versus orbiter status.

See:

Woman: I married my best friend.

Same woman: he’s not emotionally available.

Say what? Oh, you were never really all that attracted to him and his utility ran out.

I’m sure women can be great friends. It just doesn’t happen often.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-22T15:43:52+00:00

lol, these men love male friendships

Who else do you think they’re complaining about the friendzone to?

“I already have enough friend, I need a gf”

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-01-22T11:06:52+00:00

I will never understand this. No one is making you be friends with anyone we are not in primary school.

If you only want sex or dating don’t pretend to be her friend then moan about being her friend.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-01-22T11:13:46+00:00

I do find it baffling how the story always seems to have a bizarre progression:

Phase 1.) He wasn't TRYING to get sex when he met her, she was just an AMAZING person! He values her so much that he fell in love naturally by getting to know her, he's so into her that he wants MORE than friendship.

Phase 2.) She's AN ABUSIVE MANIPULATOR! Evil whore! She just strung him along to extract resources! He has no interest in ever seeing her again and if that hurts her feeligns, well - she isn't entitled to friendship!

Like... it kinda makes it sound like you weren't really "in love" if you can callously say "she's not entitled to my friendship, I don't care if she was a good friend to me, that's worthless if she doesn't' also give me romance and sex." How did you fall in love with her if shes' just a manipulative whore who's extracting your resources?

Because "being attracted to someone" is not the same thing as "being in love". When you love someon, you care about them and their emotional wellbeing. If you dip the moment you don't get sex, it KINDA sounds like you only wanted sex.

Because that women you "adore" was otherwise happy to spend time with you and be your friend but you HATE that idea if you can't get sex out of it.

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Knight-Bishop · 2025-01-22T13:47:42+00:00

https://a.co/d/cRMZOV7

ARC = 🐐

0kayz00mer · 2025-01-22T20:16:51+00:00

Guys can and do appreciate friendship with women, it’s just easy to get friendzoned but far from easy to get sex so guys have to devote more time to looking for sex.

BigMadLad · 2025-01-22T20:55:24+00:00

You describe things that would make me feel very special. I think the main issue is women have far better experiences, socially than men do. All the behavior that you say is not special is extremely rare in male friendships from both men and women. All of those would be signals to men that you’re interested in a relationship. If a man wants to end that friendship because he felt led on, or that his expectation of what friendship and intimacy mean is different from hers, then that’s the way it goes.

Women just don’t understand how lonely and alien human life is for men. No one checks in on us, no one gets us things unprompted, no one wants to hang out one on one. It’s so rare I remember every single time it’s happened to me, as there’s been many birthdays where I don’t get a single message from anyone or anything.

BreadfruitSouth5690 · 2025-01-23T03:59:08+00:00

Nothing insane about hormones and brain activity arousing someone and then pretend that nothing happen. You sound apathetic as most women are with low or no libido due to pill and booze so prevalent and legal prostitution which makes all women wanna be or potential prostitutes.

DelDivision · 2025-01-23T07:01:54+00:00

I value friendship, just not with women im attracted to. Especially if im in a dry period. I dont get why women want to shame dudes into staying when they clearly don't want to. Just find other dudes who would be cool being friends with you.

WillyDonDilly69 · 2025-01-23T09:24:55+00:00

Maybe do you ask yourself this, how do women act when a male friend asks them out then refuses him, and the answer is it will vary. But many times women will act like weirdos thinking the guy still has feelings so of course when the guy seesnthis bs he goes away or doesn't want to deal with her making fun of him for asking her out.

balhaegu · 2025-01-23T10:02:16+00:00

Men have a lot of burden on their shoulders. They need to make money to afford a house and lifestyle for their future wife and unborn child. They need to grow strong, smart, and mature to face all of lifes troubles that might threaten his family.

A Man has got no time giving attention and validation, gifts, time, and services to women who provide nothing in return. If this female friend offered something in return, clearly he will want to remain friends! Does she bake cookies for him? Does she fix his house, car, or help with moving? Does she pick him up from the airport, buy him meals, offer him a lap pillow for when he is tired? Is she funny, entertaining, intelligent, thought provoking, etc?

Give me a break. The world is run by supply and demand. If someone doesnt want to be friends with you, thats on you. A man is more than happy to be friends with a 80 year old grandma who makes tea for him and listens to his struggles. Yes there is more that a woman friend can offer than sex. So offer it.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-23T18:37:48+00:00

A common attitude

You mean you read the few most extreme idiots and take that as a common attitude.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-01-23T22:20:09+00:00

Unlikely. Guys who value friendships complain too and most guys value friendships. The thing is, friendships are mutual. If you share secrets but another person doesn't - they aren't your friend. If you listen to their problems but they don't listen to yours - they aren't your friend. If you'd have sex with them if they asked but they wouldn't have it with you if you asked - are they your friend?

_oftheocean · 2025-01-25T21:39:33+00:00

I agree. It can be soul crushing to watch your crush fall for someone else and sometimes you do need to take some space for your sake so that it is possible to be friends without the pain. However the offence I have seen men take when they act like they care expecting you to like them and get offended when you don’t is freaky. Being friends is not an insult. It is a compliment. You are my platonic companion. However I will say that there are some women and men who say they want to be friends “just to be nice” and act weird when you are trying to be friends and that is something I disagree with.

akticker · 2025-02-02T10:20:45+00:00

Almost every girl that I’ve has me in the Friendzone at sometime or another I end up fucking so I think it’s a good thing

berichorbeburied · 2025-01-22T15:56:26+00:00

Women usually don’t want friendships

They want guys to give boyfriend and relationship energy and go above and beyond and always put there best effort and always lean towards kissing ass and being positive and doing favors and trying to impress

I guarantee if a man is just an actual friend with a woman she won’t like it

She will feel like he doesn’t care anymore or that he doesn’t value her or they aren’t really close friends anymore

Ask me how I know

Most friendships men have with women are very surface level

Even close friendships aren’t really that close

If you ever see a truly truly close friendship usually sexual feelings are involved

There may be some exceptions

But they would not have the ability or time to be that close if for example one of them was in a relationship or if they were trying to sexually pursue other people or if they weren’t hyper focused on each other

So out of practicality and logic and rationality it’s almost impossible for a man and a woman to be super super close friends without sexuality drawing them together

So the friendzone complaints are from guys who understand this but can’t accept the fact that she doesn’t see them like that. And they let themselves be used so they can either wait for a chance or stay in her presence

I can’t be friendzoned because I always go sexual and always ask to be rejected and always ask if they are comfortable or even want to be sexual

The only thing they can do is cut me off or reject me

Because I eliminate the middle ground. I eliminate the friendzone

Every platonic friend I have is some surface level friendship where I’m not attatched and I put no energy effort or emotions into

So that’s fine

I think men just need to be willing to give up there friendships with women they have feelings for

Or

Treat them just like a regular friend and stop going over the top for them and put in less effort

Or

Try to be sexual and get rejected or accepted and then move on if she rejects and stay if she accepts

There’s no point in only being friends with someone you want to have sex with

As a man do a thought experiment

If you had a girlfriend or a wife

Would she still be this close of a friend to you?

If you were actively having sex and chasing other women

Would you have the time or ability for her to be this close of a friend to you?

If she had a boyfriend or husband

Would you have the ability to even be this close of a friend to her?

It’s pretty clear why you should cut your losses and always shoot your shot

Goonerlouie · 2025-01-22T11:55:15+00:00

The problem is sometimes it’s not clear what separates someone in the friendzone or not. I could imagine a guy in the friendzone seeing the girl go on dates and feel ripped off. What does that other guy offer that he doesn’t?

I agree that vibe/spark/chemistry is real and plays a part, but I also agree you can build something wonderful with a good friend

aspiring-math-PHD · 2025-01-22T12:08:41+00:00

I have friends I don't need more

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2025-01-22T14:54:33+00:00

I disagree. I think a lot comes from guys who have spent most of the friendship fantasizing about dating the person. It's not that they don't value the friendship, it's that they've spent most of the friendship building a fictional version of this person in their head. I did this in my youth into very early adulthood. I'd hold onto a crush for too long and become attached to this fake version. I still valued the friendship, I just had unhealthy thought patterns. Now I'm upfront, if I'm consistently crushing on a friend for a week I'll bring it up. It's never been reciprocated and I've never felt the need to end those friendships because I only spent a week crushing on them before getting an answer.

awakening_7600 · 2025-01-22T17:37:40+00:00

You point out these complaints against men failing to consider all the strategies women use to compile male friends.

Generally, straight women who have straight male friends, they're friends with them because they check some of the boxes she has but not all. He's "the backup". Maybe he's a good earner and humorous with his personality but not physically attractive enough for her. Or flip the tables, he's wildly good looking but the poor musician type who just can't provide for her if she needed.

And to some level, men when they realize they are the plan B get sick of it and exit the friendship.

We see this stuff play out in real life all the time. I've been a victim of this. And don't get me wrong, a female friend can be amazing if it is 1000% a certainty that there will not be any chance of romantic attachment between the 2 of us. But generally, this doesn't happen.

Title	Friendzone complaints mainly come from guys who dont value friendships.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	350
Date	January 22, 2025 10:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1i78kib/friendzone_complaints_mainly_come_from_guys_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/friendzone-complaints-mainly-come-from-guys-who.1541848 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541848

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