Women having high standards shouldn’t be a problem

JohnaldJr21 · 2025-05-06T15:19:11+00:00

As a man who’s standards are unrealistic I absolutely agree with this.

TheGloriousEv0lution · 2025-05-06T15:22:30+00:00

That’s reasonable. Both men and women can have as high or uneven standards if they want, but you also shouldn’t be whining if you can’t find somebody

That said, I notice a lot of women even here complain about standards that men have (shaved legs/pits, tattoos etc.) so it’s not really a gendered issue. It’s cringe when manosphere guys do it to women, and it’s equally cringe when women do it to men

Manifestival1 · 2025-05-06T15:23:12+00:00

I agree with most of what you've said. I don't think there's a problem with someone only wishing to date the top 1%, everyone has the autonomy to choose what their standards and preferences are. If other people wish to take issue with that then that's on them, but they should keep it to themselves rather than deluding themselves into the idea that their displeasure about it should influence women's choices.

flipsidetroll · 2025-05-06T17:02:55+00:00

Oh such common sense. Gives me goosebumps. Yes!!

The whole point of the redpill is to SCARE MEN OFF DATING. ITS THINNING THE HERD. It’s so obvious. It’s one of the components of depopulation. How do I know this? Because all the so called Chad alphas who say they are, are NOT! By this simple fact, it proves the entire premise wrong. “Look at me I’m so hot and attractive so I’m going to help all you hot and unattractive men!” …… “but you aren’t attractive?” …… “yes I am dammit. Through my hotness I have learned how mean and shallow women are!”……. “Wait that makes no sense. How would you know that if you are successful with women?”……. “I just do ok! This data! My experiences!”…… “your data is fake or debunked. And your experiences should either be terrible, because you are not attractive, or great, because you say you are attractive. It can’t be both?”

Yip. My standards affect no one but me. Anyone telling me otherwise, can fuck off.

Accomplished-Alps204 · 2025-05-06T15:25:22+00:00

I agree. And if they dont find someone who meets their standards, they can be single and hopefully happy. Same applies to men.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-05-06T16:04:48+00:00

It’s projected that by 2030 that 45% of women 25-44 will be single. So that seems like statistical confirmation that yes these women are not getting the relationships they want

Women today (especially younger) don’t seem to understand that the quality of a relationship is not determined solely by your choice in partner but also by your own level of investment

PitersonK · 2025-05-06T15:12:12+00:00

But when men had high standards the conversation wasnt that it shouldnt be a problem but to this day we have this campain how men have unrealistic standards and men have to change.

rules for me but not for thee.

Better-Silver7900 · 2025-05-06T20:16:15+00:00

people are welcome to have whatever standards they want. that being said, validating unreasonably high standards as the bare minimum and normal is the problem.

if someone has super high standards and expects their search to be super difficult, more power to them.

anewlookav · 2025-05-07T14:26:19+00:00

Also, what kind of women are y’all basing this on? Because the only women I’ve ever met that truly only want tall, rich, conventionally attractive men, are high school girls. Because high school girls are immature. It’s true SOME women never mature past that stage, but most do. Unless you’re basing your opinions on those college street interviews with drunk girls or the onlyfans models on podcasts.

The average woman is nothing like y’all describe on here all day. Their “standards” are being kind, attractive to THEM, and bathing and being well groomed. I know literally so many objectively conventionally attractive girls who are dating men that the redpill would call “hopeless”

Bullshit. I can agree with a lot of what you are saying, but let's not be ridiculous here. Only high school girls? Come on. And I say this as a man with a lot of luck with women, who tries to be as objective as possible.

You know who only wants tall, rich, conventionally attractive men? Women who have high enough SMV and autonomy to filter their dating pool based on those qualifiers, and who have the desire to do so.

Is it a majority of women? No. But let's not pretend its just a factor of immaturity

Odd-Talk-3981 · 2025-05-06T17:45:43+00:00

The men who complain that women's standards are "too high" usually say that because their own bar is so low, they know they'll never meet the criteria.

It's like an athlete complaining that Olympic qualifying standards are too high - fair enough, but if you can't meet them, maybe you just don't belong there.

The same goes for these men.

And if they really believe that no woman has what they consider "reasonable" standards, well... maybe they should consider dating each other?

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-05-06T18:55:25+00:00

yet when these types of women end up alone, the issue is not with them or their standards but rather boiling down to the fact that there are sooo many more great and amazing women out there than men. and that dating is all about luck of course - unless it's a man who struggles, then there must be things that are wrong with him.

as long as those narratives exist there will always be men who call these women out for being delusional. i don't care about how others live their lives but in the context of a discussion i will always call a spade a spade.

fucksiclepizza · 2025-05-06T19:43:20+00:00

Everyone should have high standards.

ThatBitchA · 2025-05-06T16:28:04+00:00

According to this sub....women's high standards = men having jobs, being attracted to the men they date and/or fuck, and wanting a partner vs a "leader".

Men here bitch and moan about women's standards all day everyday.

And it's always the same thing about jobs, income, hobbies, and basic adulting capabilities.

It reads like the men who frequent this sub are unemployed losers without friends incapable of doing their own laundry.

OMWSpuds · 2025-05-06T19:28:05+00:00

Why do people always oversimplify and isolate things as if society isn't an entire fluid entity and everybody can live in a vacuum? Yeah, if it's just one woman who is delusional and entitled, who cares, men will move on. When there is argument for cultural or sociopolitical forces at work that drive huge swaths of women to be entitled, it's a completely different story. Which is why people argue politics or culture war stuff which as annoying and tiring as that is at least makes sense versus all these "nobody deserves a relationship" "women don't owe you anything" posts.

wtknight · 2025-05-06T15:25:13+00:00

I don’t understand why men are attacking women for having “unrealistic standards”. If women truly had unrealistic standards, they would all end up alone.

The problem is that women don’t “need men” as much as men need women, and men become resentful of that fact. Things are very different in countries that are impoverished and two incomes for a family are basically a necessity for survival.

Tobes_macgobes · 2025-05-06T15:42:09+00:00

The idea is that average women are still getting dates and sleeping with the men they want, but they aren’t able to be in a relationship with them. This leads to the idea that women feel that all men are assholes who use them, when a guy who’s more in their league would probably appreciate them more.

This leads to incel culture, and men lashing out at women who they perceive as their equals, because these women would rather chase the alpha male who will only want to be their fwb, over the average guy who would be happy to be in a relationship with them.

Life and people though are way too complicated to live and die by this mentality though.

OrdinaryDifference53 · 2025-05-08T21:54:38+00:00

You're wasting your time, these guys love to argue with women. It's like a sport for people on the Internet. Every women on the planet could simultaneously say that they only want a 6" 5' Greek god with unlimited confidence , money and I'd say '"good for you". I really have no problem with what women say, their icks or preferences. Good for you.

ZaneBradleyX · 2025-05-06T15:31:07+00:00

I think the bigger issue is that women's standards are usually accepted and respected, while men's preferences are often mocked. I'm not against anyone having standards, men or women, it’s just that we should be fair and not insult others for having them.

Basic-Wealth-3082 · 2025-05-06T15:22:28+00:00

I don't have a problem with it at all. There are 4 billion women (and men) on the planet. It is not hard to find a partner with reasonable standards.

RapaxIII · 2025-05-06T16:40:47+00:00

Women's high standards become a problem when they do not account for reality (economics, job market, etc) or they prioritize the woman's feelings every time over the potential relationship. Women are their own worst enemy

treadmarks · 2025-05-06T16:28:04+00:00

Too bad nearly every data point disagrees with you. The societal trends are all horrific and you aren't even trying to explain that.

Mountain_Sand3135 · 2025-05-06T22:40:56+00:00

so much to break down

"why men are attacking women for having “unrealistic standards”" men are NOT doing that what they are saying is women are complaining there are NO GOOD MEN yet asking for the 666/1% that is the issue. Men do not care about your standards just the whining about it when you dont get it.

"According to redpill, all women want the top 20 percent of men, but then wouldn’t that leave 80 percent of women single? But they’re not"

Over half of the women in the USA are single and it grows every year, women do not want the top 20% they want the 1-5% man...but insist that they ALL can get them and men do not have a decision in the matter.

"unless you think that 80 percent of men are unattractive." - women believe that over 80% of the men are unattractive and would be settling if they do NOT get the 1-5%. Not men saying this , its women doing this.

"attractive person. Unless you men want sexless relationships, the woman has to be attracted to you. " - women will give a LOT for a 1-5% man , sex, trust, companionship ..anything to secure the lifestyle.

" if a woman does not like you for who you are, she is not the woman for you. Being upset about her “unrealistic standards” will not help that.: - again MEN are not upset , YOU ARE and are just trying to project that onto men, we have not changed for centuries LOLOL and probably never will .

"I know literally so many objectively conventionally attractive girls who are dating men that the redpill would call “hopeless”" - and i know so many conventionally attractive MEN who are dating women that just want resources or free validation ...so whats your point?

" fair to put the blame on women for not wanting to date men they aren’t attracted to. " AGAIN we dont care as men , date who you want, just dont complain about the chad treating you badly, hitting the wall and then where are all the good men at, etc etc etc

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2025-05-07T11:22:44+00:00

Because those women don’t suffer in silence, they berate and ridicule men, along with constant social media posting, disparaging average men such that boys growing up are suffering alongside the constant insistence average men are failures. Thats why.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-05-06T15:22:55+00:00

80/20 as often conceived is indeed bullshit. But it remains an important and open question as to what extent women's standards are culturally vs. genetically based. It is also an open question as to whether modern conditions are inflating women's standards past what they need to be, or is good for women or society. And if so, to what degree? How pervasive?

DankuTwo · 2025-05-06T18:52:14+00:00

Every woman that winds up alone because she set unrealistic standards IS ALSO a man talker is now alone, through no fault of its own.

Women have all the power in the dating marketplace, and so their decisions affect everyone….not just themselves.

AutoModerator · 2025-05-06T15:07:31+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-05-06T15:07:31+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MrBeetleDove · 2025-05-07T00:56:11+00:00

I don’t understand why men are attacking women for having “unrealistic standards”. If women truly had unrealistic standards, they would all end up alone.

Why is it that women complain about "unrealistic beauty standards" then? Wouldn't your argument apply just as well to men who only want a thin blonde bikini model with big boobs?

flyingpilgrim · 2025-05-07T08:25:07+00:00

How is it possible for women to simultaneously have unrealistic standards but also have such an easy time getting men.

According to redpill, all women want the top 20 percent of men, but then wouldn’t that leave 80 percent of women single? But they’re not?

They are claiming those women aren't in genuine relationships. That they're being used for situationships, hookups, or that they're getting cheated on by guys spinning plates with several other women.

Really, most women probably have reasonable standards. Those girls are in happy fulfilling relationships. But I've seen it way more commonly that girls enter horrible relationships with terrible men who mistreat them. And it comes down to those guys qualifying for the superficial qualities, then trying to change them to meet the personality ones. That's not saying most girls have unreasonable standards. But a lot of the girls who are constantly in and out of relationships, or that minority of women are single, those girls don't tend to have healthy standards.

Fallen-Shadow-1214 · 2025-05-07T08:42:53+00:00

People have a right to have preferences and standards according to their will.

But it’s so fucking annoying and frustrating to hear these women cry and moan about how they “can’t find a good man” and all sorts of ways to blame men for their ridiculous standards.

It’s so frustrating to be expected to live up to some fairytale expectation even if I choose not subject myself to that. It’s frustrating, because I have to constantly prove myself worthy without living up to these bullshit standards because they’re so often accepted as default or for granted.

The issue with these unrealistic standards is that your thought is that that means “needs to 6’ 10””, “needs to be an oil prince” and “needs have a huge dick” which are extreme examples.

A lot of unrealistic expectations are: “Pay for everything with no thanks”, “Be my emotional punching bag but never be affected by it”, “Have no female friends” and “Never give you ‘the ick’”

Stuff that are pretty unreasonable but have a lot of support by a lot of women for most of these things and some all.

Now, even with all of this, you’re right, you can just ignore these women and move on and that’s the best choice but I also think it’s reasonable to be frustrated and complain about things you feel are unfair within reason.

shockingly_bored · 2025-05-07T15:34:33+00:00

That's fair. And women being honest with what and whom they desire don't become more forgiving, they become more stringent. The opposite would be because of desperation and women don't ever get desperate for men.

That's why women lowering standards is a bad sign, it's always a lie.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-05-08T04:55:43+00:00

It's only a problem if you're standardizing yourself out of the gene pool lol

What kinds of standards do you mean specifically? Different women have different standards and they're always interchangeable.

Also, when guys complain that women have unrealistic standards we are not talking about our physical appearance alone, we are talking about stuff like our accomplishments like how women need a man to be a higher earner than her, be of a certain social class, certain education level.

Men are not going to be mad that women just naturally prefer physically attractive guys. After all, that's also how our own attraction works, we like physically attractive women more. The issue is with all of these "designer boyfriend" accessories that disqualify the vast majority of us.

Aromatic-Following98 · 2025-05-08T22:00:32+00:00

If there were a bimodal distribution in men and 20% of men were suddenly 2 feet taller, only the 2 feet taller men to would be having sex

Suspicious-Candle123 · 2025-05-10T17:25:53+00:00

No she won't, that is the point. She gets one of the top men, while the rest of the men get nothing. Especially in their younger years. The selection bias is honestly one of the biggest problems right now and is creating a generation of incels. The way it is going, it won't be the last.

mcfeisty · 2025-06-05T17:32:23+00:00

I know this is from a month ago but a fresh prospective from a woman with I’d say pretty realistic standards? I’ve had a total of three relationships and decided to stop dating because I came to terms with the fact that I am aromantic / asexual and the dating scene isn’t for me. Rather than being in a dating pool that makes me anxious and uncomfortable and feel like I’m about to get hives I let other more capable women fill that void.

My standard that to have similar values, be able to laugh at things together, and to feel safe. So, if when we talked you were using coercive language I would probably cut it off before it went too far. I didn’t want to end up in another abusive relationship. Most women want to feel safe and respected and a lot of people unfortunately view not wanting to be abused as too high of a standard.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-06T15:42:47+00:00

It is, because men being alone is a problem

Men say they will do violence and oppression if they’re not happy, like they used to in the past

Whiskeymyers75 · 2025-05-06T18:56:32+00:00

It is a bad thing to want an attractive person when you’re not attractive. You’re literally expecting a man to settle. And now being an attractive man is often times not enough because he doesn’t meet the Instagram level of attractiveness. Even many of the 1990’s Hollywood heart throbs would be considered average by today’s ridiculous standards. The average man has a hard time finding true love because the average women doesn't realize she's average too. This puts her in a vicious cycle of being used for sex, money, a place to live, etc. That’s why I don’t feel bad when I see crime documentaries about hot guys taking these women to the cleaners.

Capable-Rice-1876 · 2025-05-06T23:53:05+00:00

Women having high standards are problem. It is time to get real. Keeping their standards high up in the air often becomes code for creating impossible checklist that no real human being can live up to. Their want boyfriends who's 6 feet 4 inches, make six figures, drives a luxury cars, has a six pack and has the emotional sensitivity of a therapist. Oh, and they also has to be ready to commit immediately and treat their girls like queens. That's not a standard, that's fairy tale. Let's be honest. Perfect man doesn't exist and if he did, he wouldn't be out here someone who's stuck in this delusional mindset. He be with someone who values what actually matters in a relationship, kidness, loyalty, shared values, and emotional compatibility. But here you are rejecting good men left and right because they didn't check every single box on a list that might as well have been written by a romance novelist.Those high standards are the very reasons so many women end up disappointed and frustrated. You can keep reaching for the stars, but if you're not willing to meet someone halfway, you'll be standing there alone, clutching your list while life passes you by and let's not even get started on the irony of women preaching about high standards while simultaneously ignoring effort it takes to match those standards themselves. This is harsh truth. Those high standards you're flaunting, they're not empowering, they're isolating. They're not helping them find they dream guys, they're scaring off the ones who might actually love and respect them. It's time that they stop confusing standards with unrealistic expectations. Focus on finding someone who makes you feel valued, seen and loved, not someone who fits into the fantasy you've been sold, because while you're busy holding out for mr perfect, mr right is walking right past you. Don't let him.

nonquitt · 2025-05-06T15:16:02+00:00

Seems reasonable

No_Mammoth8801 · 2025-05-06T15:41:26+00:00

By itself, in a vacuum, it isn't a problem.

But if the person that has unrealistically high standards, there's a high degree of probability they are entitled and insufferable.

I've noticed many of the women and BPers here don't struggle to understand this when it is a man having high standards and struggling to find someone. That type of man is generally characterized as a basement dweller, porn-addict, manosphere content consuming slob who demands a virgin tradcon wife with DDs.

We make these connections and stereotypes because we implicitly understand that his delusional standards are downstream of some entitlement or moral failing, and we feel comfortable casting shame upon him because we view his constellation of beliefs (and growth of those beliefs in men) as "societally problematic".

None of this really exists for women. Why? Because the idea of a man, or any man, criticizing a woman for high standards is immediately associated with a historic desire for patriarchal control and domination. And women aren't going to criticize them either due to high in-group bias. Women's historical marginalization shields them from the very idea that being delusional might also be downstream of some misandristic beliefs, and those beliefs could also be societally problematic.

Obviously, I adopt the laissez-faire approach when encountering delusional women both online and IRL, but damn we do not treat these two types of men and women the same.

Common_Price8563 · 2025-05-06T20:28:45+00:00

The issue comes when getting rejected.. Having high expectations is what helped women to survive till now. Good on women for having high expectations..

But the problem comes when rejecting someone who doesn't meet their expectations.. Or, if they even reject at all. I've seen multiple reddit posts where the woman gives hints to keep him as the wallet or she hurts the self esteem of the guy and he becomes suicidal..

Don't tell me you haven't heard "The worst she can say is NO" memes or the "go to the gym after getting rejected" memes.. They're popular for a reason

I'm aware this is a small percentage of women but a criticism sticks longer than a compliment..

petellapain · 2025-05-06T16:50:30+00:00

Most women are average. Since average women now expect top men, they can manage flings with those men but not commitment. This leaves average women bitter and alone, blaming men. Meanwhile average men are alone the whole time. The end result is mostly alone bitter average people and a few top men who are living their best life. Thats why its a problem. If average women lower their standards to what is rational(average men) people will pair up and have families, not be bitter and alone, and overall live better lives compared to the hellscape of modern dating. Its not complicated or contradictory

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-05-07T02:55:35+00:00

The problem isn't high standards but superficial ones that stop you at the door before you get a chance to show off your real qualities. I hear women all the time talk about how they want someone who is kind and attractive and blah blah blah and then NOT date that guys and continue to complain about how there aren't good men. How easily women get the ick is also a contributing factor in people perception of this problem.

Title	Women having high standards shouldn’t be a problem
Author	Vikklee
Upvotes	39
Comments	375
Date	May 6, 2025 3:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kg6tuu/women_having_high_standards_shouldnt_be_a_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-having-high-standards-shouldnt-be-a-problem.1551608 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551608

Comments