Women don't like emotionally available men. Even if they like, that doesn't mean they think so.

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-05-20T00:30:56+00:00

When people say " emotionally available " what they really mean is " will listen to my problems and be my personal therapist " which is a reasonable expectation but the problem with these people is that they usually want it to be a one way street and don't actually care about their partner's struggles themselves.

BaldieMonkey · 2025-05-20T09:55:59+00:00

Reality :

Women want men that appears to share their emotions ; struggles ; etc.

But they don't want to actually have to deal with it, that's all.

Think of your emotions as a valve, women wants you to open and release a little bit of steam so that they can feel "emotionally connected with you", they don't want you to open and see all the steam.

Again, it's always about appearances, they want you to be emotional but not so much that they would actually have to do something about it, while, of course, expecting to actually take all their emotions on you when they release their own valve, it's just another double standard you will have to live with.

Oh and don't expect any understanding or solution from their part, their idea of releasing emotions and venting is "to feel listened to", that's why they don't want you to provide any solution when they share emotions with you and will not try to give you solutions when you share to, it's all about feeling connected instead of actually connect and work things through.

You want emotional support ? Find you some male friends, and I mean true friends, the kind of friends that you can actually and non ironically call brothers.

I have some and this is a blessing because they actually live and experience just the same struggles ; emotions and hardships.

And when you go home, pretend like you're opening up, pretend that her listening 10% of your problems and not giving any opinion is actually helpful, she's gonna be happy and you won't give a fuck because you already processed evrything with your own friends, who gave you advices ; solutions ; understanding and insights.

CaptainLee9137 · 2025-05-19T22:39:45+00:00

People tend to say one thing and do another, it’s nothing new. Maybe they think a man in connection with his emotional side is attractive at first, but after they see it, they develop that dreaded “ick” thing.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-05-19T22:23:41+00:00

If you want to be emotional just do it

if she doesn't like it then fuck her, she's not LTR material

why stick around someone like that?

2025-05-20T14:12:26+00:00

women say they want an emotional man because they like theidea of a sensitive man just like men like the idea of a nympho woman.... till they get one

the second you start opening up and being gentle with a woman, or for that matter share vulnerabilities . you are boned.

Most women do prefer men who tell them what to do in the "right way". the like the man to lead, to take charge but not go on a crazy power trip and has something going on in his life.

they would like to bicker about it but they also like bickering about it but never fixing it.

hakunaa-matataa · 2025-05-19T22:55:26+00:00

I’m not saying there are no women like this, but do you earnestly believe this is the vast majority of women?

I have to be skeptical of these posts, honestly. How are we defining “emotionally available”? Are you (royal you) crying after a hard day of work, or are you (royal you) expecting someone to take on the entire emotional burden of your being instead of just. Going to therapy/getting professional help?

I want my partner to cry in front of me, to feel anger and grief and disappointment and whatever else. But I cannot be someone’s therapist. I cannot carry someone’s insecurities on my own. I can support and uplift them, but I cannot fix them.

harmonica2 · 2025-05-20T01:54:29+00:00

I'm a guy and have been told by women that I'm too robotic emotionally or too tough guy ish. but at the same time it doesn't seem to be a deal breaker and women have still stuck around even if they seem bothered by it.

attendquoi · 2025-05-19T22:57:58+00:00

Emotionally available ≠ trauma-dumping and yelling in public.

darthsyn · 2025-05-20T16:28:23+00:00

I remember watching something where women were freely admitting that if they see their man cry they lose respect for him and dont see him as strong anymore. That was kind of breaking to hear. I kind of see the reason men take their lives in such high numbers. Theres only so much one person can take before they either snap or end things.

Will this ever change? Will the cycle ever end? Some try and tell me its getting better but i dont see it.

smartestredditor_eva · 2025-05-20T20:33:57+00:00

Never take dating advice from women lol

freekin-bats11 · 2025-05-19T22:32:08+00:00

What makes you think this? I dont know many women who want a man to be stoic or otherwise emotionally constipated. I know I def would want a partner that comfortable feeling vulnerable around me. Its a huge sign of trust, and therefore love.

Adept-Photograph2644 · 2025-05-19T22:42:37+00:00

I actually think women get so much more support and council to the point they can’t empathize with a “strong man” being unable to cope at times.

ixdtechs · 2025-05-21T13:05:57+00:00

Been in the dating market for a couple years. Every time I chose to show some vulnerability, the relationship ended shortly after. Almost like a clock started when I did it.

notabtthepastuh · 2025-05-19T23:46:07+00:00

lol.

I would lose respect if my husband broke down in tears often or if it was because he regularly wasn’t able to handle his emotions… especially if he didn’t have traditional masculine traits to balance it out.

But my husband sobbed in my arms a few months ago after his mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness on top of some other major stressors. I didn’t lose an ounce of respect for him. In fact, it made me love him more.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-05-19T23:54:06+00:00

I am married to an emotional guy after being in a relationship with a stoic guy. And while there are challenges to both, I far prefer dealing with open emotions over dealing with someone who’s emotionally constipated. My ex was affectionate so that wasn’t the issue, but he didn’t deal with emotions like sadness and grief, would just go quiet, shove it down, not be present with life for a while. Which I understand is just how some people are, but imo isn’t really mentally healthy, and it can be hard to connect with someone like that.

However, when women say “emotionally available,” they aren’t talking about uncontrolled emotional outbursts. There’s a level of emotional control that’s expected of adults that doesn’t translate to being “emotionally unavailable.”

WebBorn2622 · 2025-05-19T23:07:59+00:00

(M23) I can co-sign this tbh, I don’t struggle with women at all. I’m one of the girls tbh 👁️👄👁️.

But, oof I can’t fathom the emotional responsibility to get to know one past a hook up scenario it’s really bad, I kinda haven’t had the energy for it since my ex from like 17-20.

Tbh I’m giving myself a break, yea from stuff but I have fumbled some baddies bc I couldn’t necessarily hold up the “passion” end of the bargain.

Idek why, I do genuinely have love for anybody who’s in my life, I usually only hang around good people. but I can see where I make somebody feel worthless when I’m down to smash but not go on a date with them, yk

Always ends with me being yelled at :(((

(My ex did not do me any type of way, she is a great person and I love her to death I would never slander her name)

nojedis · 2025-05-20T08:45:34+00:00

my perspective as a woman is men don’t tell you anything and one day decide to dump everything that happened to them on your plate. i had that happen to me sooo many times. i guess the way women and men socialize effects this, so i really feel bad for men that they don’t have deep friendships like most women do where they can open up about their emotions. i understand where they are coming from but it is kinda scary for me as a woman. not because they show emotions but because they bottled up everything all their life that it gets very intense when they decide to share them.

chobolicious88 · 2025-05-20T10:47:39+00:00

Biggest problem is, men keep saying one thing, women keep saying another.

And thats all because women think “respect” is “i value this person and it makes me feel good”. While men see that respect is her being “damn this guy, kinda hot”.

ComprehensivePipe448 · 2025-05-20T12:17:10+00:00

Women like men who are good looking and nice and the nice is (USUALLY not all the time) the optional part

nr_guidelines · 2025-05-25T05:36:01+00:00

I believe this on some level, but any time I have a relationship being unexpressive of emotions, the girl never feels emotionally satisfied either

katsnushi · 2025-05-20T01:06:31+00:00

False. Either you have very little experience with women or a victim of your own choices (repeatedly low-value women). Regardless your generalizations come from a place of hurt. Source: my perfect husband who voices his feelings and all the women I know that have the same. And all the men in his family. And most of their friends. It’s a you problem.

RandomRedditRebel · 2025-05-19T22:45:17+00:00

What do women like in men, then?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-19T23:40:18+00:00

Of course we do. I don’t want a blank robot, even as a friend

Lightinthebottle7 · 2025-05-19T22:38:30+00:00

Somebody just watched a youtube video of a young white male influencer who similarly to them never talked to women.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-05-19T22:39:17+00:00

I’m just a stoopid woman who doesn’t know what she wants blarrgghh

Like seriously? You guys have GOT to learn to reconcile with women not all acting or saying the same thing.

Latter_Cranberry9384 · 2025-05-19T23:38:56+00:00

I don’t think you know what emotionally available means.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-05-19T22:25:21+00:00

Again, is this your own experience?

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-05-20T06:17:51+00:00

This is a good video about emotional aviability. It is made by a guy and adresses the hardships guys have with it. Also, to illustrate it, says stuff in a manner that a guy usually says and then says the same stuff with emotional aviability, so you have a practical example and can compare things.

One of the problems is that guys tend to hold stuff in and when they are told to be emotionally aviable, they tend to release it in one go, thus overwhelming the other person.

It's something akin to removing the dam. You release the water slowly, so that the enviroment can adjust to the increase of water. You don't let out all of the water that was contained it one go as it would flood and damage the enviroment (like ripping the trees, killing animals).

There is also the thing of unleashing raw emotion instead of sharing the processed/regulated emotion. Please don't bellow at me when telling me a story about something that pissed you off. You can tell about something making you angry without needing to yell/bellow.

cutegolpnik · 2025-05-19T23:16:01+00:00

A man being emotional doesn’t mean he’s emotionally intelligent.

Bekiala · 2025-05-20T00:09:18+00:00

Well if you don't like emotionally available men, then stay away from them. The men in my family are watering pots so I've always seen crying as masculine.

You can have all the cold non-feeling guys. I will take the others.

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HalfwaydonewithEarth · 2025-05-20T05:03:15+00:00

Omg my husband constantly rambles. It drains me if it is more than 30 minutes.

That being said, the quiet guys are worse.

Us ladies can not win!

WebBorn2622 · 2025-05-20T11:15:03+00:00

For me I want a man who’s emotionally mature. He’s able to communicate his feelings with me and listen to my feelings. I want both someone who will open up to me and someone I can open up to.

But my experience with men who try to open up is that it’s very much a one way thing.

I’m not interested in someone who has the emotional maturity of a toddler just crying until I give them what they want while insulting me. And I’m not interested in being on 24/7 support duty for someone who tells me to get it together when I’m crying.

There are men who can have serious conversations about their feelings without being hateful towards others. And there are men who can open up to women and comfort women. These are the men we are saying we want when we say emotionally available men. We are not just asking for men who cry. Everyone can cry.

Tylikcat · 2025-05-20T19:00:33+00:00

I think a lot of men are confusing willingness to be emotionally open and vulnerable with being immature and never having learned to regulate their emotions.

I like the first. Hell, without that, a romantic relationship ain't happening. But I'm also not interested in being someone's therapist or emotional dumping grounds.

I don't expect perfection - yo, relationships aren't about that. But I do expect a modicum of maturity and awareness of the effects of your actions, including how you express your emotions. And at least some skill talking about them, and some other people in your life you talk to.

Will564339 · 2025-05-21T15:19:17+00:00

People over simplify what it means to open up emotionally.

The problem is many men get so used to not having anyone to talk to about their emotions, so they bottle things up and let them build. Then, they finally get a woman as a partner, and feel like they've finally found someone "safe" and let ALL (or even most) of that emotion out, including some things that are better talked to a therapist about. This is especially bad if they don't return the same emotional support to the woman.

So then men set it up as this false binary and say "You can't make women happy! If I don't open up, I'm not emotionally available! If I do, she stops respecting me!"

It shouldn't be this simplified binary of all or none. Before getting in a relationship you should already have people to open up emotionally about and spread it around with...family, male and female friends, and professional help if needed. You should also practice supporting those same family and friends when they open up emotionally to you. It basically helps you model healthy relationships.

Any person you can't open up emotionally at all about is not worth being with...because it either means neither of you are, or only one person is. But that doesn't mean dumping all of your emotional baggage on your partner. They're there to help you work through you emotional problems and support you (and you do the same for them), but they don't solve all of your problems for you.

Obviously this can work in either direction. There are certainly women who try to dump all of their emotional issues on men, and I would tell them the same thing.

But as a whole, I would say women are more emotionally aware than men based on our culture.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2025-05-21T21:26:48+00:00

The women who are like that are the kind who want to monopolize weakness. This doesn't mean she'll go around everyday and be absolutely helpless, no. That isn't how it works. It means she wants the mandate to turn to weakness whenever it suits her.. and if you do the same some time, it's no longer absolute. She no longer has the safety net of being weak whenever (nevermind if that happens often, or not), because what if the both of you happen to be in poor shape at the same time?

Watch out for the following: * Women who say they admire adult capable men, but the criteria for that always align with traditional masculine traits, and nothing but.

She compares the men she's looking for with her father, and his qualities. It's less about those traits than her wanting access to assume a childish position in your relationship (again, when it suits her).
Victim mentality. It's always other people and outside factors who put her in distress like she has no choice over her own reaction.
Early on, the compliments you receive will be largely centered on how you make her feel. That's indirect. It doesn't center on you.

km87505 · 2025-05-22T03:03:59+00:00

Are you a teenager? Or from some Machismo culture? Vulnerability makes men more real and respectable. Nobody expects perfect performance of the traditional gender role anymore, except dicks.

MummyBands · 2025-05-23T17:22:36+00:00

Feminists had this term called "emotional labor". It referred to all the unappreciated mental work that women do, like keeping a schedule, planning gifts or birthdays, etc. The real emotional labor is the gap between how much women rely on their partners for emotional support vs how little men can rely on their partners.

Capable-Rice-1876 · 2025-05-25T02:45:29+00:00

Let me decode this for you. “Emotionally available = my personal psychotherapist, but I don’t want to hear about your man problems”

Protactium91 · 2025-05-19T22:58:56+00:00

you are confusing terms and dynamics.

"emotional availability" is not equivalent to "vulnerability" or emotional dumping and tears. none likes to be used as therapist.

your suggestion to go to therapy if one has "issues" is on point though. while at it, chances are you will develop self-awareness at the least, and possibly awareness of the internal lives of others,

chances are you will find that fascinating and once you do, you may even become the emotional available partner anyone will enjoy to have by their side.

Dapper-Suggestion462 · 2025-05-19T23:16:47+00:00

Arnt you guys always saying women date toxic men all the time…. Some of these toxic men do display lot of crocodile tears!

Apart from that…

In a healthy relationship crying and emotions are basic, we all love that!

Provided both feel emotionally safe and connected!

vidhel · 2025-05-19T23:43:00+00:00

Depends on how you do it. To open up emotionally is not the same as whining.

TheRedPillRipper · 2025-05-19T22:56:59+00:00

dealing with emotional issues

The default for all should be Stoicism. The how may vary, but when facing adversity regulating emotions is almost always going to beneficial. Emotional control is a learned skilled. Once one masters it, life becomes one giant opportunity. It’s a liberating way to view the world.

chalkandapples · 2025-05-19T23:24:00+00:00

Emotional availability is not the same thing as having emotional breakdowns or having emotional issues. It just means taking your emotions seriously and head on rather than avoiding it. Acknowledging your stress, sadness, happiness, excitement etc. towards stuff, rather than being indifferent to it. You can do that while being a very happy, mentally healthy and emotionally regulated person.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-05-20T05:56:39+00:00

This is such lies. Of course there are horrible women who fell like this but it’s only some of them.

The women in my life have no issues whatsoever with their men being emotional. The men who didnt last are the ines who could only show anger

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-05-20T12:46:45+00:00

Women like men who are emotionally available and are capable of giving support when she needs it too. It’s a mutual exchange. If you can’t cry in front of her, what is your relationship? What’s the point of it?

meangingersnap · 2025-05-19T23:26:51+00:00

not all women or whatever yall be saying

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-05-19T23:43:10+00:00

Context really matters for this. Emotional intimacy is generally not desired in casual relationships because it’s supposed to be casual. In the context of romantic relationships, emotional intimacy is desired by emotionally available men and women. There are many people who date, but are neither emotionally available nor emotionally mature. Those people will likely feel uncomfortable with any intense emotional expression. They, however, are not representative of the norm.

I do agree with you that everyone should go to their therapist during times of severe emotional distress. A woman isn’t going to be able to help you in the way that a trained professional can. It’s also generally a good idea to not treat your partner like they’re your therapist…

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-05-20T13:28:45+00:00

They overwhelmingly like emotionally available and emotional intelligent men who don't trauma dump on them or treat them as their therapist, or pillow to cry into.

onlyaseeker · 2025-05-20T13:29:59+00:00

Not necessarily. It's more complicated.

It depends on:

If you get the ratio wrong, then yes, you're in trouble. If it's right, it could even endear them to you.

Here are some responses from women in this thread proving me right:

my partner has cried in front of me, and it actually makes me love him more because he can show that vulnerable side of himself. he does not normally cry, it’s rare, but when he does i’m glad that he can express his emotions without feeling he has to bottle them up around me

Key: "it's rare"

Emotional regualtion is key. You can talk about your emotions without opening the floodgates.

Key: "emotional regulation"

All signs of masculinity/strength.

As I said, it's about the right balance of masculinity. Without it, you're in trouble. With it, you're fine.

when it comes to non-binary, trans, or queer women, these dynamics may change.

I don't think optimising on this level is helpful. I'm not going to hide away (weak) to fullfill the needs of a woman (simp). If your relationship is like that, the entire thing is unsustainable and will be a performance. Do you really want to live like that?

Being hyper aware of what women want is also risky. Be aware, yes, but don't let it control you. They will sense that and lose respect. Which is why I said it's more complicated than a prescription of "don't cry."

Find someone who genuinely likes you. Women who like you will let you break many rules, and so long as you're not screwing up in other ways, you should be fine. If you think you're on the brink of being replaced, they don't like you; move on.

Terrible_Lift · 2025-05-20T14:07:49+00:00

There’s a massive difference between being emotionally intelligent and occasionally vulnerable and being CONFIDENT enough in yourself to do so, vs coming off like a crybaby b*tch to put it bluntly.

If you come across and do the former, THAT is what women generally love

Title	Women don't like emotionally available men. Even if they like, that doesn't mean they think so.
Author	Capable-Rice-1876
Upvotes	73
Comments	312
Date	May 19, 2025 10:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kqp0qp/women_dont_like_emotionally_available_men_even_if/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-dont-like-emotionally-available-men-even-if.1552628 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552628

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