Thoughts on shy, no-experience men?

Jumpy_Cold_9659 · 2026-01-02T00:16:07+00:00

I’d wonder if there was some trauma from his childhood that hasn’t been addressed. Some people are just slower to get the hang of things of course. But there could be something deeper he isn’t aware of affecting him and I’d encourage him to have compassion for himself before blaming and shaming himself. Perhaps talking to someone he trusts and can open up to. It’s ok to be different but not everyone will understand the nuance in these cases. Sometimes when you excel in one thing other things fall short. Sometimes you just operate in ways that require special consideration that you should explore within yourself first - but gently. I’d also consider they were likely very intelligent in the things they thrive in as sometimes that can create distance from those who don’t operate that way. Usually this results in extreme loneliness or moral perfectionism due to second guessing yourself because you’ve been misunderstood by most from a young age and/ or consistently discouraged.

Rule_Number_7 · 2026-01-02T00:44:42+00:00

He has such severe shyness around women he has not been able to ask one on a date or approach even after drinking.

Is he so anxious that he shuts down around women in any circle that isn't say work related? What would his reaction be if a woman asked him out instead? I'm guessing someone like him would need to meet a woman with a lot of patience to give him time to ease his anxiety around her if he struggles with it. Trying to get help for that level of anxiety would also be good.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-01-02T00:08:59+00:00

Shy is kind of the problem. If you’re not trying to talk to women, you won’t end up with women. Women aren’t going to magically just appoint themselves your girlfriend.

The experience part doesn’t matter to most people.

cb8585b · 2026-01-01T23:48:01+00:00

No point wasting thoughts. If he is unable to talk to women that’s where the story begins and ends.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-01-01T23:37:57+00:00

It’s not his virginity that will be the thing that makes me not attracted to him. Is he so shy that he’s socially awkward and can’t hold a regular conversation? That’s a no go for me.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-01-02T00:13:05+00:00

If he can’t hold a conversation - how are you going to have a relationship? 🤔

kmb218 · 2026-01-01T23:27:56+00:00

If I find him attractive and like him, then I don’t care too much if he’s a virgin, especially if the reason is the one you gave.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-01-02T02:09:29+00:00

If he is too shy to talk to women how is he even going to meet them?

ThatBitchA · 2026-01-02T00:19:28+00:00

My thoughts....

If he's got such crippling shyness around women and he's 30+, he's incapable of finding solutions to his own problems and that's an indication of immaturity and lack of compatibility.

This hypothetical person has had to interact with women through school, work, general interactions at doctor offices, grocery stores, car rentals, etc.

The lack of taking action is unattractive. Not that lack of experience.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2026-01-02T05:41:18+00:00

Honestly that's straight cougar bait right there. Older women are going to absolutely pounce on that if they smell blood in the water.

theminxisback · 2026-01-02T06:17:18+00:00

Being an introvert and having social anxiety is going to cost you in the long run if you aren't able to work up the courage to even say "hello" to someone.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2026-01-02T04:23:01+00:00

Speaking as a woman with no experience, I'd be suspicious because he's hot and financially well-off, but hasn't been able to find someone yet? Surely women should be flocking to him regardless, if he's attractive. He needs to go to therapy to work on his severe shyness. That's going to hold anyone back. His mannerisms have to be turning off any women who notice him (and I'm sure there have to be many if he looks like a model).

Or... maybe he just isn't going to places where the type of women would be willing to approach him and get over his "icks" tend to hang out at. Still, I think it's extremely important that he gets over his severe shyness first and foremost. As is, he'll get taken advantage of by a malicious person. Anyone that shy would.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-01-02T00:29:43+00:00

Depends on if he is taller than me and is attractive. Also if he is just settling for me because I'm the first woman he's ever met or if I'm his dream woman.

AngeAware · 2026-01-02T01:39:05+00:00

Lower the age to 25 and that was basically my fiancé when we met

Clearly it wasn't an issue

Inevitable-Bite8660 · 2026-01-02T09:13:19+00:00

If that were true, I think other women would assume he already has a girlfriend (a very pretty, popular-looking one), so they’d give up in advance and not even approach him.

random_radishes · 2026-01-02T00:33:43+00:00

Does he have women friends?

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-01-02T00:59:50+00:00

He sounds fine as long has he hasn’t been brain washed by the manosphere to hate women and avoid marriage.

Downtown_Primary_821 · 2026-01-02T01:19:09+00:00

I like shy guys, mostly because when you crack the exterior, you can find some of the most amazing people you'll ever meet with worlds of interest and knowledge hiding inside. Shy doesn't bother me, besides, I'm a yapper so I can fill the silence. What CAN be a drawback is the lack of experience. I like a bit of kink (okay, a LOT of kink) and when someone tells me their craziest fantasy is lights-on missionary, I immediately grab my coat because I know the sex will not be compatible. There are lots of women out there who like shy guys, just get out there and try. The right woman will see your effort.

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Winesday_addams · 2026-01-02T00:42:48+00:00

Like he cant flirt? Or he cant have a normal platonic conversation with women?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-01-02T03:26:33+00:00

how did someone that shy get a high paying career

ThotismSpeaks · 2026-01-02T03:28:48+00:00

I can't imagine a man with that much going for him not having a few women express interest. I'd think that if he actually wants a relationship with a woman, being unable to flirt or approach would need to be addressed.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2026-01-02T17:46:49+00:00

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At least a few parts of the highlighted sections are lies. 6 figure net worth, model face, and couldn't land a girlfriend. I highly suspect at least one of these things is highly false.

Werevulvi · 2026-01-02T00:51:00+00:00

As long as he's a good person, we have things in common, similar values, get along well, etc, I really don't care how much or little experience a guy has. I've been with inexperienced guys before. Most of my exes, I was their first girlfriend. It was sometimes a bit of a bumpy road, but overall not really an issue.

A guy knowing what it's like to date women in general really doesn't have any more knowledge about what it's like to date me specifically. Getting into a new relationship is always a learning curve regardless. And everyone who's single has in some way or another failed being in a relationship, whether they have exes or not. So basically it's kinda all the same to me.

That said though I'd appreciate if the guy wouldn't be too negative about me having more experience with dating. I mean neither of us can change our pasts. Also I don't mind taking the lead in whatever areas I have more knowledge or experience, and letting him take the lead in whatever he knows best.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2026-01-02T03:49:25+00:00

He wouldn’t interest me or be compatible. I’m very extroverted.

januaryphilosopher · 2026-01-02T08:37:22+00:00

Sounds good (well, maybe if I was a bit older) so long as he isn't too shy to get asked out. Why would I want him to have dated other people?

Demasii · 2026-01-01T23:47:52+00:00

It would remind me of Raj in the TV show the Big Bang Theory.

Novadina · 2026-01-02T07:01:19+00:00

My man was a 30 year old virgin when we got together. I have a thing for shy guys. Shyness is one thing, however being unable to even have a conversation with me would be a problem. It’s especially odd if he can converse with men, but not women. How does he even hold down a job?

Title	Thoughts on shy, no-experience men?
Author	Equivalent_Use_5024
Upvotes	44
Comments	252
Date	January 1, 2026 11:25 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1q1ihdb/thoughts_on_shy_noexperience_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/thoughts-on-shy-no-experience-men.1570193 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570193

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