Lingerie is NOT a gift

1000veggieburrito · 2021-07-05T19:51:44+00:00

An ex once got me flavoured condoms as part of my birthday gift. Those aren't even recommended for penetrative sex. He literally gifted me a BJ for him.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-07-05T21:35:18+00:00

Sex related gifts are usually super tacky anyways. Also, imagine if we gave men vibrators because ‘that would encourage me to have sex with you more’ they would totally flip out

jisooturtlrabbitkim · 2021-07-05T22:00:10+00:00

Remember in Silver Linings Playbook when her husband got hit by a car while trying to bring her Victoria’s Torture because he wanted to help HER libido? My eyes rolled all the way back into my head.

Sallou9 · 2021-07-05T20:34:56+00:00

Right??

A sex related gift for your partner would be underwear for YOU that you know she finds you sexy in. It would be a sex toy for her (if you use them), a playful IOU ticket for massages from you,. Its a set of candles, oils, food etc and a promise for a romantic night together. etc

Lingerie is literally giving someone a gift thats really a gift for you. Its really selfish, oblivious and rude.

Its like kids who buy their moms a new mop, cleaning sprays and pretty rubber gloves for her bday. (Yes this happens; and the husband will buy a washing machine, a hoover or a pot and pan set)

sleepysiri · 2021-07-05T19:49:19+00:00

I always saw lingerie as a man’s gift to himself!

throwawayforunethica · 2021-07-05T21:08:38+00:00

My 5o something year old coworker was bragging that he got his girlfriend lingerie from Victoria's Secret and a night at a mediocre hotel in our town. I asked, "so what did you get for her?" He looked super confused and said those WHERE her gifts. "Oh. Well that sounds more like things for you, not her."

Happy Birthday...here's your costume to make my old pp hard and a cheap hotel because I expect to fuck on your birthday 🤡.

shockingupdate · 2021-07-05T22:10:41+00:00

Every guy I’ve been in a long-term relationship with has tried giving me lingerie as a “gift,” and every one of them has been shocked and confused when I say “that’s more for you than it is for me and you know it.” My, how ungrateful I am!

LoadsOfSkeletons · 2021-07-05T19:55:51+00:00

“Sexy” lingerie is very fucking uncomfortable as well.

Ladyofblades · 2021-07-06T00:00:12+00:00

I like lingerie and love how I look in it and it’s quite expensive (Agent Provocateur etc). I have never dressed in lingerie for anyone but this guy I’m committed to and love. Which is a total of one in my entire life.

To be honest my guy never assumes to give it to me, I have asked for it. I’d feel annoyed if he presumed to get me cheap lingerie. Current bf gifts me jewelry usually.

That lingerie is going to stay with me even if the man goes.

shelballama · 2021-07-05T19:58:05+00:00

I got one from a NVX in my early 20s. Wasn't even good lingerie, he got it from Spencer's 🤡

Should have dumped him right then. Used the shitty lingerie with another guy and then threw that cheap trash out.

Don't accept lingerie as a gift. You wearing it is a gift for HIM. A guy even attempting this as a gift is a huge red flag

Sireyn · 2021-07-05T19:59:09+00:00

My last ex asked me for my clothing size once, so I asked why. He turned it around and asked me why I was being cagey. I said something to the effect of:

"I'm hard to fit. I wear different sizes in every brand. I'm often a different size in tops versus bottoms. If the brand goes by designations like S/M/L/XL, I absolutely have to consult a size chart. I enjoy my comfort and I'm particular about what I like to wear. And again: why are you asking?"

He got all huffy and said he had just wanted to buy me some lingerie, thought it would be a nice gesture.

Yeah, a nice gesture for you, buddy.

Men have no idea how uncomfortable most lingerie is. How impractical it is to sleep in. How completely unsupportive it is if you have any kind of curve to your bosom. How sheer material is wildly unflattering if you have any kind of body confidence issues. How it's often a lot of expense and effort for something that will fairly quickly end up on the bedroom floor.

I completely agree that it's an entirely selfish, self-serving gift. If I ever wear lingerie again, it will be because I picked it out, because I did the requisite measuring to get the sizes right, because I find it flattering, because I feel good when I'm wearing it.

Mella_20 · 2021-07-05T19:42:27+00:00

It is insulting, now that I think about it.

Its a bad gift, no matter how long you've been together. I would feel weird to receive such a present. I would feel cheap too. If I want to wear lingerie that is my choice, but he shouldn't expect me to wear it for him. I see it as something I would buy by myself only, and wear it if I want to.

When I think of a nice gift that I can enjoy, I think of a massager, a spa day, jewellery, etc...

Its really not that hard to get a nice gift for someone, if you took the time to get to know them and what they like. Getting lingerie just sounds like a big "I dont give a fuck about you" from the man.

Edit: It reminds me of how Big Ed from 90 day fiance bought his gf bras and panties(and mouthwash 😒). So distasteful 😬

wildlife_bee · 2021-07-05T22:12:00+00:00

I would accept this gift as a sweet nothing/fun gift (ladies what’s your opinion on this?), but for any special occasion at all? Hell no

Edit: Now if I ever get lingerie as a gift in the future, I’m going to just wear it around the house as if it were just for me and not let the man touch me while I wear it. When he’s all frustrated I’ll be like but this was a gift for MY birthday!

Newwavesupport3657 · 2021-07-05T22:45:48+00:00

Men think they are God’s gift to women

PizzaNo7741 · 2021-07-05T21:33:03+00:00

Not to mention it’s also really badly crafted 9 times out of ten. Like, unbreathable fabric that gives you a UTI, was made in a sweatshop …

anotherdamnloser · 2021-07-06T00:46:11+00:00

It isn’t, I have always felt this way and I always thought it was not a real gift. I hated wearing it too. And the few pieces I did he complained about cause it was not “slutty” enough. It’s always uncomfortable and a waste of money. Totally a selfish gift.

They also always seem to refuse wearing something too; they wanna wear their crappy whatever, it’s all about us having to do things and put on a show for them.

sleip77 · 2021-07-06T04:34:30+00:00

oh i have a worse story. once a scrote that i was dating for like a week told me he got me a present. guess what it was- a costco size jumbo pack of condoms. he even wrapped it up and acted like it was a gift

pretty presumptuous that im gonna sleep with him 150 times lol

splendiddiamonds · 2021-07-05T21:39:16+00:00

I always say it's not really a "gift" unless the person giving it receives zero benefit. "I got you this knife set so you can use it to cook me dinner!" = not a gift. "Here's a Pelaton, but I'm also going to use it so it's a gift for the both of us!" = not a gift. "I got teeth whitening for myself, but really it's a gift for you because now I look better for you!" = not a gift.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-07-05T21:06:50+00:00

How about I accept this "gift", take it home without trying it on and wear it for another guy who I like a little more then send a gifter "Thank you, we had a blast" note 😂

DancingCatflower · 2021-07-06T01:32:41+00:00

My boyfriend bought me a set of thongs a while ago...

He has a friend that had starting selling women's underwear as a side gig, and he wanted to support her, while also gifting me something. He showed me her insta profile, I chose the ones I liked and he bought them.

Now, the thing is I don't really wear that kind of underwear in my daily life, I only wear them while dancing (I'm a Tahitian dancer), and I'm completely against the concept of "sexy lingerie". "Sexy" is in the eye of the beholder, I shouldn't have to "make myself sexy" for a man to like me, he either does or doesn't. It's not my problem if he wants to recreate some porny fantasies or whatever.

So, a few months go by and my boyfriend tells me he's "noticed" I don't wear the panties he got me, and asks me why. The exchange then went like this:

> Me: I do wear them, but only when dancing, because I find them uncomfortable for daily wear.

> BF: "But you could also wear them when you're with me".

> Me: *Deadpan* "why?"

> BF: *Goes into "loading, please wait" mode for a couple seconds* "because... I... Like how you look in them?".

> Me: "And? Why should I wear something I don't like, just because you like how I look in it? What would you think if I asked you wear -a specific clothing style I like a lot on men, but he doesn't-, just because I like how you look in it?"

> BF: *visibly confused* "Well I guess I wouldn't like it..."

> Me: "I feel very disrespected when you suggest I wear lingerie for you, because besides it being physically uncomfortable, "sexy lingerie" is an idea that came from porn, so you're actually suggesting you'd like me more if I looked like the women in porn. Do you want me to look like the women in porn?"

>BF: "What? No, Of course not, I love you as you are, and I didn't mean that... It's just.. I don't know, *women look sexy in underwear*? I kinda get what you're saying, but to be honest, I need to wrap my head around it. I'm sorry for disrespecting you, though, I didn't know you felt like that and I hadn't thought about it that way. I'll do better"

A week later, he showed up with a matching set of really pretty, comfy looking, *cotton* bralette and panties, which were totally my style and apologised again. He said that he hadn't really questioned where his "taste" for lingerie came from, and that my perspective helped him realised maybe porn *had* had a deeper effect on his preferences and sexuality overall than he was aware of, and he wanted to explore that and "do better".

I never stop vetting, but things like these give me hope with this guy...

reinenuwang · 2021-07-05T21:55:03+00:00

On the other hand though, isn't it insulting for me to pay for my own lingerie? I'm shelling out the cash and he ultimately benefits? A good middle ground would be for me to find some lingerie I like and for him to foot the bill.

08__80 · 2021-07-05T20:10:08+00:00

We live in a society where men don't wear lingerie for women. Lingerie-type garnments exist for gay men to wear for each other, but I haven't found anything except novelty underwear (like a thong with an elephant face/trunk penis pouch in the front, or a Christmas themed thong with a peppermint stick penis pouch in the front. How sexy, right?)

Google 'lace lingerie for men' and you're just going to find fetish stuff. For who's pleasure? Men's of course.

I know lingerie makes some women feel sexy and everything, but looking at the big picture, and knowing that men think they are too good to wear things like that for us (but they will wear it for themselves or for each other) it really makes me look at lingerie like a degrading clown costume.

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-07-05T20:49:53+00:00

Not the same situation but relatedly, I had a pickme friend (who would jump from relationship to relationship, spend 24/7 with her bf and abandon her female friends) back in high school who saved all her work money to buy lingerie to wear for her boyfriend. He ended up telling her he was falling out of love with her at the end. Lingerie is awesome but I think it should be reserved to make yourself happy, and if you wear it it should be on your own terms because you feel sexy in it and want to show it off but not just for a man.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-07-05T20:32:46+00:00

The only kind of 'outfit' I want a man to give me is sets of fine jewelry

pennynotrcutt · 2021-07-06T02:06:53+00:00

One of my ex’s gifted me my first vibrator. Probably the best gift I’ve ever been given.

pennynotrcutt · 2021-07-06T02:08:59+00:00

My husband once gave me a crockpot for Xmas. He never made that mistake again.

Risoa · 2021-07-05T23:08:57+00:00

Yeah fuck that. On a brighter note this post has inspired me to wear some lingerie that I bought for myself but haven't worn in awhile just to feel cute for myself tonight 💅

gingerandlime · 2021-07-06T00:20:30+00:00

I’m not sure if I would ever actually do this, but the thought has occurred to me that if I wanted to do something nice for a partner for an occasion where I didn’t want to give him an actual gift, like maybe Valentine’s Day, I might buy myself lingerie and let him see me in it. It might feel too self objectifying but with the right person I can see it potentially being appropriate.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-07-05T20:36:27+00:00

I think the same way. Luckly not even the most horrible man I've been with expected me to wear lingery or gave it to me as a present. They all thought it would be be objectifing, disrespectful if I had to dress up for them. And a waste of money and effort too since the garment ends up on the floor anyway...

That being said I had men dress up nicely for me. Let me tell you a muscular guy in a net shirt and/or some tight black shorts can be very sexy. A booty dance can be very sexy too. Men love sexual attention from women they desire and it makes them feel manly to "work" for it. Which I approve of cough

Aaaanyways, bottomline: It never made any sense to me why women are expected to dress up for men and not the other way around.

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-07-05T21:49:12+00:00

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_laufaeson · 2021-07-05T23:57:07+00:00

Tangentially related: why is it ok to gift lingerie at bridal showers, as well? Can we just stop normalizing that?

FDSdaipico · 2021-07-06T01:36:40+00:00

I will say, a gift card for a bra fitting is a HVM gift. I mentioned that I liked a certain bra brand for comfort and he got me a gift card. Really thoughtful. Told me to get comfy work bras.

Then I was once bought lingerie in a juniors medium and I am on the cusp of plus size (16 but apple shaped) so it was ridiculous. He said he liked it on the model. Didn't even research my size. I would have taken a second to look in my drawer at my 36DDD/38DD bras and XL panties.

throwaway23er56uz · 2021-07-06T07:32:14+00:00

“Aw you got yourself a nice present, where’s mine?”

Brilliant. Love it.

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-07-06T01:06:22+00:00

Lingerie is so demeaning and such a turn off. If I’m not hot enough for you as-is, move along and get a pickme or pay for a hooker. I’m not performing for you in silk and lace while you have holey boxers and unshaved sack.

Men who find typical daily stuff hot (like a sundress or a tank top) are much more arousing for women.

detikripur · 2021-07-06T07:41:52+00:00

My ex bf has gifted me books because he knew what I like. The poor guy even called me from the store to ask me which one I wanted. That’s how I prefer it. As for lingerie: that guy wanted me naked asap when we get to that. I don’t think he cared about that. I had to move for work and we are still in contact and sometimes he talks about books with me and promised me to read on I like. He is a good egg.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-07-05T22:15:04+00:00

Lingerie is cheap and tacky in most cases, and falls apart in the washing machine.

2021-07-05T20:54:45+00:00

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CoriVanilla · 2021-07-06T00:27:43+00:00

Same with ✨toys✨ because it's not really a gift for you, it's for the man's pleasure

Dazzling_Grass1727 · 2021-07-06T05:59:25+00:00

This is an overplayed cliche or attempt in control of femininity in films and society.

I used to think oh a dress is nice, but now it's utter bs. They're dressing you how they want you to dress, not how you want.

merlinscalculator · 2021-07-06T08:41:42+00:00

The equivalent present to a man buying you lingerie for your birthday is you buying him a cock ring/cock sleeve for his. It does absolutely nothing for him, it’ll probably be a little uncomfortable for him to wear - but it’ll make the sex better for you! And what a better way to show your partner you care other than prioritising your own pleasure on their special day 🥰

Ananoriel · 2021-07-05T23:09:45+00:00

Wait? There are men who care about lingerie?

I love to wear it for myself, it makes me feel pretty and beautiful. But I never noticed any more interest from a guy when I wore it compared to normal underwear. So I stopped bothering about it, as usual. Now that I am single I sometimes treat myself with it.

wayward_amazon · 2021-07-05T21:25:15+00:00

It's the modern equivalent of being gifted a new electric mixer or clothes iron.

dirtloving_treehuggr · 2021-07-06T01:52:43+00:00

I’ve never considered lingerie a gift unless I was gifting it to my partner. Can’t believe men think like this. It’s not even cleverly disguised??

spring-break-forever · 2021-07-06T04:12:32+00:00

Documenting men’s magazines will show you pages that say “treat yourself” with lingerie gift ideas. Most recently seen in Maxim magazine which was heavily sexist in the recent past

papanezismysaviour · 2021-07-06T00:12:07+00:00

Lingerie only makes sense for Valentine's Day, and even then, I would expect chocolates too.

notochord · 2021-07-05T19:56:11+00:00

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BasketLow8411 · 2021-07-06T06:17:02+00:00

I am so glad you said this. I could never put into words why I disliked getting lingerie. Now I can!

fireforestfairy · 2021-07-06T10:00:27+00:00

It's a way to getting you to wear lingerie that align with his own feitshes. It all has to do with pleasing him sexually.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-07-06T14:00:19+00:00

Oh god. I’d love to have a man who randomly gifted me a $60 tan Wacoal bra I could wear every day. How heavenly.

restlessGal · 2021-07-06T18:40:48+00:00

Ehm it really depends… like I enjoy lingerie and find it beautiful, I definitely wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend gifted me that

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-07-05T23:36:42+00:00

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Altowhovian93 · 2021-07-06T04:21:38+00:00

Lingerie is not an acceptable gift at any part in the dating stage. If you are long term or married, he should take into account what YOU like for intimate apparel not just solely what he wants to see. Definite no Victoria’s Secret crap!!!!

desireforu111 · 2021-07-06T08:25:17+00:00

So it would be weird as a gift for an occasion like here is some underwear for your birthday... But on a random Tuesday .. like a beautiful set or 2 of VS or la Perla with some flowers and pastry.. maybe a note saying how much they appreciate you and love you .. would make me do things I would never.. 😂

Eli1984 · 2021-07-06T11:39:11+00:00

Uh, this so much. An ex "gifted me" some and I just knew he didn't think twice for a good present. I bet his mother bought it for him... Disgusting. I think I tried it once and put it in the trash.

doc-2-be · 2021-07-07T05:57:30+00:00

Thank you! I've always thought so myself but the number of blogs promoting lingerie as gifts is astounding.

LevellingUpTime · 2021-07-07T11:09:29+00:00

I have ALWAYS been a big believer of this.

I got lingerie once for my birthday from a bf in a LDR. The scrote was like "put it on & take a picture, I want to see you in it". I replied, "No. This is my present and it's for me only. I'm not giving you a gift for my birthday. I'm going to enjoy it when I'm alone only"

Left-Requirement9267 · 2022-07-05T02:46:46+00:00

The only lingerie I accept is a very expensive french brand that I choose. And I must choose when I wear it otherwise it is purely for him. This cannot be the only gift we receive, has to be accompanied by others such a books, decent jewellery, whatever is personal to you

Title	Lingerie is NOT a gift
Author	-Phoenix_ashes-
Upvotes	1499
Comments	150
Date	July 5, 2021 7:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oedzwj/lingerie_is_not_a_gift/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lingerie-is-not-a-gift.788890 https://theredarchive.com/post/788890

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