The romanticization of pregnancy is almost universal. Yet there is so much that simply isn’t talked about in terms of what women go through during and after pregnancy. Pregnancy is the reason we’re all here, and yet there is so much cognitive dissonance around the subject. I don’t want to discourage anyone from having kids. I’m writing this not to dissuade anyone, but to increase the amount of information available and provide a jumping off point for anyone that may need to do more research. In my experience, people who are passionate about having kids will find a way to have them no matter what. This is for anyone that wants to learn more and may or may not be on the fence on having kids. Now that closing the global gender gap has increased by a generation from 99.5 years to 135.6 years, it’s extremely important that women think logically about who they have kids with and not just make an emotional leap of faith. If you decide to pursue pregnancy, please get a doula!

Physical Changes, Complications, and Dangers

  • The first trimester for many women is essentially like having the flu for 3 months: fatigue, nausea, upset stomach, headaches.
  • Weight gain, stretch marks, varicose veins, hemorrhoids, loose skin around belly area, and Ptosis (sagging breasts from fluctuating in size)
  • Foot size can increase a 1/2 shoe size due to arch flattening from extra weight. Women with multiple pregnancies can expect a size increase for each pregnancy.
  • Hair Falling Out: A surge in hair growth during pregnancy due to hormones, followed by hair falling out after birth once hormones return to normal.
  • Wider hips and thicker legs due to accumulated fat cells; can be permanent
  • Skin darkening: “linea nigra” scar from belly to pubic area, melasma on face, nipples and labia, new freckles or moles; can be permanent
  • Incontinence or loss of bladder control. This can be remedied with kegels or pelvic floor therapy after birth, however so few women know about this they don’t even know to ask for it, thus the normalization of “peeing a little bit” every time you laugh or cough forever. Also, weakened pelvic muscles can lead to weaker, less pleasurable orgasms post-birth.
  • Tooth loss: High levels of the hormones progesterone and estrogen during pregnancy can temporarily loosen the tissues and bones that keep your teeth in place. Women between the ages of 35 and 49 with one child had lost an average of 2 teeth, while women with two children lost an average of 4 teeth!
  • Preeclampsia: Preeclampsia can cause your blood pressure to rise and put you at risk of brain injury. It can impair kidney and liver function, and cause blood clotting problems, pulmonary edema (fluid on the lungs), seizures and, in severe forms or left untreated, maternal and infant death.
  • Prolapsed Uterus: Uterine prolapse occurs when pelvic floor muscles and ligaments stretch and weaken and no longer provide enough support for the uterus. As a result, the uterus slips down into or protrudes out of the vagina.
  • Gestational Diabetes: being pregnant can cause your body to temporarily develop diabetes, increasing your chance of developing type 2 diabetes later in life.
  • Abdominal Separation: abdominal muscles separate, creating a gap between the stomach muscles.
  • Fetal microchimerism: you retain cells from your baby possibly for a lifetime, which is why there have been y chromosomes found in the tissue of women who gave birth to sons. Some research has indicated this can be harmful to a woman’s health later in life.
  • Lochia: Heavy discharge comprised of leftover blood, mucus, and tissue from your uterus post-birth.
  • Vaginal Pain and Tearing: tearing is common for vaginal births as is an episiotomy (incision made in the perineum).
  • Anemia: weakness and tiredness caused by a lower-than-normal number of red blood cells in your body
  • Cesarean Section: generally thought of as convenient and schedulable, c sections are a violent and high risk surgery that shouldn’t be thought of lightly. Serious complications include death from uncontrolled infection, a blood clot in the lung, or too much blood loss. Many women who have c-sections say the scar tissue never stops being painful.
  • Gestational hypertension; can be permanent
  • Painful nursing after birth. Dry, cracked nipples, bleeding.
  • Postpartum genital and pelvic pain (vulvodynia/vestibulodynia): can last for months after birth, women with pelvic pain pre-pregnancy are most susceptible

Psychological Changes, Interpersonal Shifts, and More Dangers

  • Unwanted social attention while pregnant: people react to your body as if it were public property, a vessel they can touch and comment on without asking first.
  • Loss of identity: After your baby is born, you may feel your identity as a parent has replaced your identity as an individual.
  • Cognitive impairment (“baby brain”): poor cognitive functioning, memory, and executive functioning. Neural remodeling in the brain happens for up to 2 years postpartum
  • No sex drive after birth: it can take up to a year to recover your sex drive due to sheer exhaustion.
  • Postpartum Depression: increased anxiety, nightmares, poor concentration/memory loss, overwhelming sadness, lack of interest in baby or overconcern for baby, feelings of a loss of identity, excessive crying.
  • Increased chance of intimate partner abuse: 1 in 6 abused women are first abused during pregnancy. Even if your partner has never been abusive to you before, it may come out during pregnancy.
  • Increased chance of being murdered: The risk of homicide death was twice as high for women and girls during pregnancy and the postpartum period.
  • Professional setbacks: pregnancy discrimination is illegal so your boss can't fire you because you're pregnant, but they can fire you for a different reason. Work history gaps from staying home to care for babies/young children. Missed opportunities for advancement.

This is in no way a comprehensive list. I invite all the women who went through pregnancy to share their experiences here. The more it’s talked about, the more healthy of a society we will be.