Complaining about dating’s unfairness as a man will lead to nothing and is a pointless endeavour

Jetpine9 · 2024-12-18T22:53:51+00:00

Before you can devise solutions you have to examine the problem. It will often be expressed in the form of whining, but there you go.

MikeArrow · 2024-12-18T20:06:35+00:00

It's helpful to know that other men are experiencing the same issues I am. The lack of connection. The utter lack of interest from women. It reassures me that I'm not alone in this.

KittyCatKnight · 2024-12-18T20:11:41+00:00

A lot of the time it's solely to voice frustrations. They know that complaining won't solve the issue, they just want people to hear them and talk to about it, and some are legitimately angry about it, some justified, some not.

The real approach men should be taking to this is weaponization of the women you will give the time of day to romantically. I never understood the passport-bro thing until a year or two ago but after looking in to it, it makes perfect sense for men with these frustrations. Build yourself up, that's your responsibility, get yourself in order, and then look elsewhere in other countries and cultures for romance if the current Western dynamic is something you don't like. You're allowed to do that and quite honestly, in a lot of areas, Western men are sought after so it will be easier. If you've looked in your own environment and things aren't working out, be it standards are too high or you just don't like how things are in the West, go try your luck in places where that isn't a problem for you, expand your romantic prospects to the wider world! Many people have and their lives have entirely changed!

But the important thing is that you need to make sure you're doing what you can to make yourself the best version of yourself, for your own sake, it will work out if you just get out of your comfort zone and explore the world.

onlytheeast99 · 2024-12-18T20:18:34+00:00

Complaining is subjective. This sub is for discussing sex issues. I think what you consider complaining I might consider men discussing and venting about real issues. It's weird to brush that off

Combatenjoyer23 · 2024-12-18T20:17:13+00:00

It likely helps to recognize that pretty much every aspect of the world is unfair in one way or another

CalligrapherSimple39 · 2024-12-18T21:26:09+00:00

I would agree generally with this principle about complaining.

However, one benefit is it may save someone wasting their lives if they see complaints.

I see many young men, virtually dedicating their entire lives to get a date, because modern Western women don't like them. What a waste if a life. FYI they're still not gonna like you for long even once you've totally distorted yourself.

mashedturnip · 2024-12-18T22:47:04+00:00

Venting and complaining can be fulfilling in themselves

Spiral-knight · 2024-12-19T01:20:57+00:00

You're not wrong. However men do need that freedom to vent and develop acceptance before diving back into an intrinsically unfair system. "Just fucking deal with it bro" is how you get school shooters and terrorist sympathizers.

giveuporfindaway · 2024-12-19T06:57:58+00:00

Counter argument:

There is something called the Overton Window. Talking, even if immediately ineffective, does shift the window over time.

I recall roughly ~13 years ago when I heard the term "incel". Nobody knew what it meant. Now it's mainstream. There are actually mainstream news outlets discussing this.

Society is beginning to acknowledge that a large portion of blame lies with women. But we're still in the "don't ask, don't tell" phase. I believe this is being accelerated by population collapse. Soon governments will start talking about the elephant in the room.

Livid-Log7463 · 2024-12-18T21:09:59+00:00

For the men who complain about it dating itself is the pointless endeavor.

treadmarks · 2024-12-18T22:59:24+00:00

As if things aren't bad enough for men in dating, now we have people coming and posting threads just to tell us to shut up and go away

SadCahita · 2024-12-19T01:43:42+00:00

Better to accept being a slave to gynocentrism like a good goy I guess

BrenoECB · 2024-12-18T20:41:11+00:00

Complaining is a way to find similarly minded people, which leads to organizing and might lead to changes in the desired direction

This does not only apply to dating, but to every political movement. How many protests/movements started because people complained to one another?

Kurkzer · 2024-12-18T22:42:02+00:00

Acknowledgement of a social problem is the first step to fixing it, which is why the Powers That Be are rabidly against any such movement.

FreitasAlan · 2024-12-18T20:28:01+00:00

People can do both things. It’s useful to understand the situation you’re in before starting to act on it as long as it doesn’t take forever to act on it.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-12-18T21:14:08+00:00

Complaining about dating's unfairness can sometimes be counterproductive, but it has a point.

Concept of fairness is clear even to animals and humans are no exception, so it's actually okay to complain and seek support if someone is having trouble dating.

And even more so, some of this whining is really justified, because dating now is really falsified and unnatural

farnort · 2024-12-18T20:04:31+00:00

Everybody complains because complaining can feel good and is a way to verbally release and sometimes even rationalize what you’re going though.

There’s nothing wrong with complaining or commiserating with people in a similar situation. Sometimes I just want to complain and bitch about my life to my friends.

However, I do agree that there can be too much complaining and commiserating to the point it becomes detrimental. If it becomes a habit or a regular occurrence then yes its a huge waste of time because it isn’t actually doing anything for the given situation.

Complaining is ok, just don’t do it chronically and recognize it takes action to change your life.

Proudvow · 2024-12-18T20:00:57+00:00

These threads are similarly a waste of time. Some people have no additional options beyond complaining and expecting them to just not is ridiculous.

space-dragons · 2024-12-18T22:16:48+00:00

Hard disagree.

You presume that acknowledging unfair/harsh realities is mutually exclusive with self-improvement. This is common false dichotomy I've noticed PPDers people make.

Venting your frustrations is healthy. Even if it's no one's fault and there's nothing you can do about it, getting it off your chest is the first step to moving on.

Your can acknowledge that your height, face, neurodivergence or whatever has hindered your social life but also want to work on yourself. I admit it isn't healthy to dwell on negativity 24/7. But it's equally unhealthy to suppress all negative thoughts and blame yourself for every bad thing in your life.

This is more productive than the toxic positivity propagated in this thread.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2024-12-18T22:43:09+00:00

If no one complained, then we would assume the status quo is good.

Even if no policy solution is made (which is the case), it opens up men's eyes to the reality of the dating and marriage world.

goo_wak_jai · 2024-12-19T00:15:25+00:00

Did you hear that Chad and Tyrone? Humanity needs YOU to step up yo game and start impregnating these women.

Let's shoot for a modest 51% single parent households by the start of 2025. It's only at 30% as of 2019/2020 according to a Pew Research study/survey that some random redditor pointed out and provided links to me in a different post where she was making a case against the rise of single parent households, of which 27% of that chunk were single mother households VS a negligible 3% for single father households. She walked away from that argument thinking she won when the trends on that very same study that she provided CLEARLY shows that the percentage of single parent households has been slowly but surely climbing upwards--NOT downwards.

YOU can do it. Take one for the team. The average and below average men will just fade into the background--just like always.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-12-18T20:34:20+00:00

a pointless endeavour

One of the primary benefits to voicing an issue, is acknowledging that is, an issue. It brings eyes to the issues, and potentially support. Potential solutions. You’re right, in that complaining itself won’t fix the issue. The very act of complaining however does acknowledge that there is an issue. Which is the first step, to addressing it.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-12-19T01:55:25+00:00

The only reason Most guys have issues dating is the simple fact of we are not living through a hard time where survival and the continuation of our species is paramount

Financial_Camp2183 · 2024-12-19T09:25:04+00:00

"Complaining is pointless in Nature the animal eventually realizes it needs to act"

Okay we're in Nature so instead of complaining in anger I kill and eat you because I'm bigger, is that the right response?

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-12-18T20:07:34+00:00

This is true about almost all complaining, not just about dating.

If the goal of complaining is seeking a feasible solution that doesn't rely on "society" changing, then complaining can serve a limited purpose with a receptive audience to air grievances, adequately frame the struggle, and pivot to a solution-focused discussion.

If you're complaining just to complain, that's pathetic and loser behavior, and "society" does not owe you changing to accommodate your individual struggle.

Harsh, but this is how life works.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-12-18T21:08:34+00:00

Basically agree, in the sense that a man showing weakness will lower his social status and desirability as a mate. This is true with males in other species, notably other primates, as well as humans.

This is especially true with anything close to self pity or even any kind of appeal to fairness or better treatment for himself (for others is different). The only acceptable way for a man to "ask" for fair treatment is to state a boundary that he can and will plausibly enforce.

This, of course, can only work in a relationship where he is giving something of value (presumably) that he can revoke. Complaining about the unfairness of dating in general? He can walk away from dating but nobody will care. He has no leverage over women in general. So doing this in public will only lower a man's status and get him nothing.

Where I somewhat disagree is that men should complain and commiserate together in private to help each other cope with their problems and lift each other up. This can also work in an anonymous internet forum but it's trickier to keep this productive. But there is a place and time.

tl;dr Yes, a man complaining about anything in public harms him and achieves nothing. But complaining in private to trusted men can be alright, sometimes.

Fab_Glam_Obsidiam · 2024-12-18T20:14:21+00:00

I saw this comment as well and was intrigued by it, so I'm glad someone made a post.

I'm hesitant to lend my full agreement to it, because in many ways societal progress is based on action and being loud. Women's liberation itself had a mix of people who hunkered down and got to work, but also screamed from the rooftops a out the injustice women faced. The same can be said for gay rights, or civil rights. Maybe those movements would be more successful without the complaining, maybe they wouldn't have been. Maybe complaining helped because society did want to help when we called for it. We'll never know.

Complaining about unfairness isn't bad, I guess is my point.

However we then have to ask is the dating world really unfair. I think it can be. Certainly someone can be discriminated against for things beyond their control. Some of those things are why dating apps stopped publishing some stats. I think it's important to talk about such things.

On an individual level though, I think this is good advice. No one person can affect societal change so in a survival, get through life kind of way, this is pretty ironclad.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-12-18T20:05:30+00:00

Complaining about dating’s unfairness as a man will lead to nothing and is a pointless endeavour

I can't help but feel like the simple fact that the world (nature) is inherently unfair is an epiphany for people of the 21st century.

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DankuTwo · 2024-12-19T15:07:21+00:00

“Complaining” doesn’t help, but collectively pointing out contradictions can. Most people aren’t really conscious of what they think, or why they think it. Occasionally you can sort of snap a woman out of whatever weird spiral she’s in (maybe it’s height obsession, or over-valuing herself), which will make it more likely that she’ll adopt a healthier attitude and go out and find a man to date (a win-win for both parties).

Do this on a societal scale and you can massively increase the happiness of a population (at least, in the best case scenario).

InterestingDiamond35 · 2024-12-19T15:28:26+00:00

Yeah, pretty much. And then the animal becomes bitter and cold, ruthless and cruel. Learning well that compassion is not the way of this world. It takes heed and learns well to become an uncaring machine that would rip anyone innocent to pieces just for a bite to eat. If thats what the world wants of me, then so be it. Ill never help anyone ever. If someone was dying in the street and all i had to do was the simple act of calling an ambulance, I wouldn’t. Id happily let anyone die. This is the righteous thing to do, since it teaches them independence. Becoming happily cruel is the goal here, right? Going from a caring human to a cruel ruthless machine of action is the noble goal here, right? So be it. I look forward to the day when I no longer feel bad about being cruel and actually love it and can’t believe what a fool I was to have ever had even an ounce of compassion. No one is here to help anyone, thats just stupidity. Ruthless apathy is our way and must be embraced! Eradicating your compassion is ultimate transformation and achievement in life! Learn well from the worlds apathy and make them proud by returning the favor!

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-12-19T17:53:38+00:00

Complaining about ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD as a man will lead to nothing and is pointless, besides mental health bonus of venting and struggles being acknowledged by other men.

joeyjusticeco · 2024-12-19T20:21:02+00:00

Complaining about anything is pointless.

Change yourself and/or change the system.

That's it.

Hi-Road · 2024-12-18T23:38:34+00:00

Complaining is just another way people get heard, unfortunately. It's a type of communication - this one of an issue they're facing. You said complaining as a man will lead to nothing - okay, but you can BOTH complain and take action at the same time. I see a lot of people touting that "real men don't complain" mess and I don't think that's cool. Some people may be focused on themselves and that's fine, but there are young men growing up that shouldn't have to deal with mess either. If someone doesn't believe you're struggling or is unable to empathize with you, find someone else to speak to. If you keep running straight on into a wall, try just going around it

Equal_Connect · 2024-12-18T22:52:19+00:00

The problem is that love/human connection (platonic relationships arent gonna give you that) is actually a need to live a longer healthier life. Ik incels like to say sex is a biological human need but its really not, the real biological need is a romantic relationship.

fucksiclepizza · 2024-12-18T20:18:40+00:00

Amen, nobody likes a whiner.

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-12-18T21:50:00+00:00

I used to complain a lot when I was younger but recentkt turning 40 has been enlightening. Many of those anxieties and worries have faded away and I feel more at peace within myself than I have ever been in my life.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2024-12-18T23:05:58+00:00

If you’re a man who is content with yourself and your achievements and feel good about where you are in life then it totally helps for such men to feel things are unfair.

Men who feel loveable but don’t find it shouldn’t have their self worth go in shambles just because they can’t find a person they like who sees the positive things he sees in himself.

EetinAintCheetin · 2024-12-19T01:09:48+00:00

All the suffering men go through and complain about incessantly day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year is literally caused by a moist hole in piece of flesh about 2-3 inches in diameter.

If scientists found a way to separate that hole from the woman and you could take the hole with you, you’d all be happy as clams. Now substitute this monster hole that is causing all your suffering with something like “heroin” or “cocaine” or “meth” or “opioids” and start thinking if there are any similarities between being addicted to any of those drugs and being addicted to pussy. Because I’m sure as hell none of you would feel sorry for someone lamenting how hard it is to get coke or meth!

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PayStreet2298 · 2024-12-18T19:59:52+00:00

I 100% agree with this. As a dude, if you don't like the goods in the market, don't buy.
We hype passing on genes too much. Rub one out once in a while to clear the mind if you have to.

Klutzy_Charge9130 · 2024-12-19T18:50:04+00:00

While I agree that “fair” is an unproductive word and everyone gets exactly what they deserve, I think it is worth talking about. If for no other reason than I’ve had to listen to the perception of “fairness” my whole life even though, frankly I didn’t contribute to building the world and its unfairness.

If everyone else can bitch in the pursuit of fairness then I think it’s only FAIR to let everyone bitch.

One_Job9692 · 2024-12-22T12:13:20+00:00

You're right man. We should just remain silent and actively encourage a system that hurts us! /s Clown.

Weary-Loss-7104 · 2024-12-19T05:05:09+00:00

I suggest you read up on what men have done historically when a significant number of them can't get women. Things either collapse or get bloody and dyfunctional.

Late stage feminism makes women see 90% of men as disposable custodians who don't deserve a partner and shouldn't have any strong opinions or a spine. In reality, men are still the ones who build and maintain. They'll never be the drones you want them to be.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-12-18T20:07:45+00:00

Honestly, I think more conversations like this need to happen. It's been years of men complaining about modern dating with no solutions in sight.

The truth is that as a man if you are struggling you only have three options, you either get better, go where it's better or drop out of dating game.

But whatever you choose to do PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP about it because no one cares why or what leads you to that decision

EssentialPurity · 2024-12-18T21:33:31+00:00

Grumbling is a sin in Christianity for a reason, and OP's point is part of this reason.

The problem of grumbling is that it not only does nothing to solve the grievance that causes it, it even makes the actual solution even less feasible because it builds ressentiment against those who can present and/or implement such solution, leaving the grievance to remain unmolested. It is an ouroboros of negativity as the grievance just reinforces itself.

It is, even if it is indeed women's fault that men are suffering, what is being hostile at women gonna do? Will women say "Oh snap. I guess all my sincerely held views and opinions are objectively invalid and you have convinced me with your hot arguments. Let me give up on my dignity!"? This is a rethoric question, because of course hostility will just breed hostility.

Never bite the hand that could feed you. If you need women to cooperate, at least don't discourage cooperation.

Otjahe · 2024-12-18T20:00:04+00:00

“But complaining feels so goood”

/The Red Pill

Title	Complaining about dating’s unfairness as a man will lead to nothing and is a pointless endeavour
Author	Cjaylyle
Upvotes	42
Comments	482
Date	December 18, 2024 7:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hha3sk/complaining_about_datings_unfairness_as_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/complaining-about-datings-unfairness-as-a-man-will.1538902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538902

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