This question is primarily for men, but open to anyone. If you woke up as a straight woman, what kind of partner would you go for?

krackedy · 2026-03-22T16:42:17+00:00

Gender doesn't matter, I'm bi anyway.

Regardless I want someone physically attractive, kind, smart, responsible, affectionate, ambitious and emotionally intelligent.

Their gender doesn't change anything.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-03-22T16:47:28+00:00

The same type of person I am looking for now.

They:

Openly communicate

Gives me free space

Has a job

Willing to work together on shared goals

Wants a family

Considerate

growframe · 2026-03-22T17:16:14+00:00

The same kind of partner I go for as a straight man

-Hot

-Fun to date

-Fun to hangout with

-Compatible lifestyle

-Similar-ish values.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-03-22T19:19:06+00:00

Considering my wife’s friends called her the “girl version of me in her girls crew” I guess I’d go for me?

The_WankingBuddha · 2026-03-23T00:44:51+00:00

I wouldn't know what kind of a woman I'd be and what kind of men I'd prefer.

This is like going to a vegetarian and asking "If you suddenly became a non-vegetarian, what meats would be your favourite?"

Like how tf is he supposed to kniw when he never tasted meat and probably never even thought about it?

TLDR: if I woke up a straight woman I'd be a different person. It's better to ask thus question to her instead of me.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-03-22T22:14:33+00:00

An oofy doofy golden retriever simp who is not ugly but also not too much of a simp to a point he’s desperate and will cheat.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-03-22T18:27:49+00:00

Waking up as a woman with all prior experience as a guy? The problem with the question is that if a guy wakes up as a women then he’d no longer experience attraction the same way and would immediately exclude most men, only being capable of attraction to a few traits at a very high degree.

PassengerCultural421 · 2026-03-22T16:40:11+00:00

A soft spoken man who is not obsessed with being traditionally masculine. My fellow progressive women might view me as a odd ball for having that preference though.

matthedev · 2026-03-22T17:14:04+00:00

I'm not sure how you can fully separate attraction from the body, so this question doesn't make sense to me. I couldn't even assume that the personality traits I find attractive would be the same, that I'd weigh various factors of attraction the same, or that I'd experience attraction in the same way as I do now. Even across men, the experience of these things can be so drastically different.

Ego73 · 2026-03-22T19:26:02+00:00

I think I'd keep many of the same traits I'm looking for in women. A fit, driven and ambitious man who scores high in openness to experience.

The only thing I'd do differently is I'd specifically look for open partnerships. As a straight man, it's not like I'd say no to them if offered, but I really doubt I stand any chances of actually making good use of them. Women really have theoretically more to gain from them due to the surplus of male attention.

Neither-Lie-1095 · 2026-03-22T21:28:41+00:00

Major changes I'd make: more clear communication about what I want on the first date with less flirting, more time in chess spaces and less time in artsy spaces, and starting on long-term commitment younger.

corey____trevor · 2026-03-22T20:31:06+00:00

Literally impossible to answer. It's like asking a person to define a color that doesn't exist. Men lack both the nature and the nurture required to have any sort of concept of the attraction they'd have as a woman.

Past-Shoulder-631 · 2026-03-23T10:19:12+00:00

If I’m looking to date seriously: A loving kind cute shy guy. Minimal sexual experience. Likes nerdy stuff, but not misogynist. I would NOT go for a player or a typical chad or jock. I know how those guys view women. Would also want him to be same age or a few years older, financially secure, well educated.

burneraccountguydude · 2026-03-23T15:20:53+00:00

Kinda hard to say, because I’m not a women. I’d assume caring but masculine in thought and appearance, calm, stoic, whiling to bend.

I’d prob become a lot more picky because I’m a women now, I have a lot more options. Idk what I’d find then but I’d assume it would be the opposite. Feminine men, childish, overly ideological.

Prob traditional. Wouldn’t want to be a whore. I can get pregnant now. Even now tho sex with randoms is stressful, anxious, and overly all not very fun until I can let my guard down. I mean I’m naked in front of a stranger it’s kinda weird. I gotta imagine it would be even worse as a women. But idk maybe being so deeply desired would change that, because now I’m not (at least not at first after awhile I am).

My answers are little different. I obviously like feminine and I trend toward the cute/pretty side of women not the hot “bombshell” types which seem fake to me. I like a women who care and shows it kinda by being mean and slightly nagging or correcting me (who sees and issue like I have a cowlick, tells me I looks stupid, then fixes my hair or something, I love a women that does that shows she cares about me) but obviously it’s a fine line between loving because she cares and a mean bitch. I also like a women that are whiling to let me be their rock when they are in turmoil, like hold them tell them it’s going to be alright etc.

I’d assume the best way to put it I’d like the man I want to be and would like to be the women I’m attracted too.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-03-22T21:50:32+00:00

If I was woken a woman, I would first lose any weight I might have, if any, tighten the skin. Get them first 5 points of 10 instantly up. By doing that, I know I'd increase my attention without any effort on my part aside from the at home work outs.

Me personally, I'd pick 'myself', look for someone like that. Knowing myself, I wont be cheated on. I'd be okay on money, and loved in ways that aren't visible on a book cover. I think I'd be married in no time, and having checked off that box. But at first , waking up, I'd be deeply concerned about my looks. I know as a woman I'm not getting married if I don't look good. Which means forget the face, focus on the body. I'd figure it out.

I mean I'm sorry this isn't specific but I guess I don't have 'metrics' or specifics. So the answers from 1-4 are NONE, instead for me it's evaulating what I attract and if its worth it.

projecteddesperation · 2026-03-22T23:02:49+00:00

Easy mode activated! I would diet and exercise to just not be fat and immediately be top 20% in physical attractiveness for women. I would avoid top 20% men by physical attractiveness and go for the 40-80% sweet spot, as a lot of those men are top 25% for looks+qualities and are still single because they get overlooked by other women. I would try to date experientially, not evaluatively, focusing on having fun and connection on dates rather than interviewing. I would go on dates to public places and just vet guys via the dates and social media. I’d look for a partner with synergizing similarities and complementary differences.

TophetLoader · 2026-03-22T18:55:55+00:00

We are not wild animals, we happen to be civilized species.

That being said, rather than blindly trying things myself, I would first take a look on the most recent literature available on the topic.

Most probably, I would be convinced to follow the three 6-es principle, introduce modern tools and behaviors like ghosting, bread crumbing and gaslighting.

And what does it mean?

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anonymousppd123123 · 2026-03-22T18:18:23+00:00

leader in applied AI/ML. He would cling onto me forever as I would be a gigaunicorn. Set for life

Goonerlouie · 2026-03-22T20:25:23+00:00

Money money money

TempDong · 2026-03-22T20:29:34+00:00

1-3: A monogamous relationship with someone who matches all the standards I hold myself to and has compatible life views

That's what I already look for (haven't found it yet) and it is my problem with dating. Lots of broke, 0 discipline, 0 skills women with a throwaway college degree, a garbage body composition, and 0 plan in life looking for Mr Male Model Millionaire.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-03-22T23:40:45+00:00

This is incredibly hard to answer because I only have lived experience as a straight male. It's like asking me what kind of dirt would be my favorite if I could eat it and it had nutritional value. Topsoil? Sand? Clay? I honestly have no idea.

The only thing I can think of is that I'd be just about in-touch with my body and urges as I am now, so I would literally be attracted to the fantasy ideal version of myself as a man. Not too helpful. Tall, moderately muscular and fit, spontaneous, talented and passionate, and a big dick. High income potential. I'd obviously avoid the kinds of men that I don't like now as a man: tattoos, sarcastic, creepy. I'm guessing I'd probably want to be some version of a TradWife but IDK. I tend to attract women who at least present that way to me, even to the point where it's slightly off-putting, but I feel like I understand it from a lizard-brain perspective. But I could also see myself embracing feminism and becoming frustrated with traditional men if I had any bit of the ambition that I have now as a man. Again, I have no idea how this hypothetical would transition me. I understand where feminist women are coming from, and I agree with most of their worldview from their perspective.

TL;DR The problem is that straight women go for all kinds of guys and it's hard to imagine what kind of straight woman I'd be.

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2026-03-23T03:29:34+00:00

It would depend on if i as a woman wanted to have children. I’ve always maintained that while I want kids I’m very differential to the woman because she’s the one who’s doing the hard part— but as the woman the only person if care about in that situation is my comfort. If I wanted kids, I’d probably marry someone very much like I am now. Good enough job, good enough friends, nice enough, compatible interests, etc. I think traditional relationships are gross now as a man, and as a woman I would find them even ickier. The idea of someone paying for me all the time is gross and I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

If I didn’t want to have kids I’d probably just maintain a roster of men that I liked platonically and were attractive enough to have sex with until they move on/things naturally fade. I recon that men would be much happier with that arrangement than women are, and assuming I have the same emotional needs as I do now it would be better for everyone for me to be the kind of person you can call when you’re between girlfriends.

My male answer is different than my female answer bc women by and large do not want this setup out of a man— at least not me. And as a man right now I do want at least 1 child, and for that to be in the confines of a romantic relationship

CosmicBioHazard · 2026-03-23T12:30:04+00:00

Assuming that the same preferences from being a straight male would translate, then lack of experience with other women would be a major asset.

Aside from that it’s hard to say; I’m realizing that I’m not so sure how many of my preferences are what I’d consider the ideal female half of a relationship and how many I’d also consider ideal for the male side; after all, what my counterpart sees in me is how I match her preference, not my own.

abaxeron · 2026-03-23T16:16:32+00:00

No shooting/stabbing/slicing scars, no piercing, no dyed hair, no alcohol in his fridge, no tattoos, uncircumcised, not a head-bashing athlete and especially not with head-bashing athletic scholarship, no drugs, no family history of clinical insanity. I can work with the rest. And I can make the rest work.

DGenerationMC · 2026-03-23T19:44:54+00:00

A funny one.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-03-22T17:46:25+00:00

Somebody unremarkable who share my interests.
Avoid all sorts of fancy and too confident men. Especially those who are good at dating. To be good at dating you have to have a lot of experience, which means you have no intention to commit. Lack of awkwardness is a significant red flag that women often ignore.
Same as now.
Yes, I have different list of things to avoid for women.

wtknight · 2026-03-22T17:21:14+00:00

Someone a lot like myself, except maybe a little bit lazy, as that's really the only flaw that I have that I wish I could change. I am not into overly ambitious workaholics, though.

OwnerSebi · 2026-03-22T18:21:17+00:00

If I was I woman, I would want someone kind, sweet, romantic...high-libido...with a mix of traditional and modern roles. I care about common values, but hobbies may differ.

I would may or may not work out, but I would preffer a chubby man. The more of a nerd he would be the better.

And as a man, I am open to anything, but mostly to my female counterpart.

Sub90iqHimbo · 2026-03-23T06:57:54+00:00

If we're doing 1:1 physical conversion I'd be an extremely attractive woman, I would be tall with long legs and blonde hair and a fit body - and if we go by family genetics I'd also have a very large chest.

I'm a bit above average looking as a man so if I was a woman I'm quite confident I'd be top 10-5% just looks wise so I'd have an EXTREMELY easy time dating.

As for standards the same standards I have now as a man

- Physically attractive to me

- Not totally boring but also not too extroverted and eccentric

- Some shared interests

- Stable job but no minimum income requirement

- Compatible values

Jetpine9 · 2026-03-22T16:43:22+00:00

kind considerate thoughtful 2 extreme extroverts, partiers, people who put others down 3 active (meaning outdoorsy) but also able to chill sometimes) openminding (not 100 polarized on any issue), kinky in a matching way. 4 About the same as now - the person is a fantasy.

-TheUnstoppable- · 2026-03-22T17:52:26+00:00

I would look for skills in communication, understanding, respect, ability to compromise, down to earth, open minded, open (I know this takes time).
I would avoid partners who are shady (body language included, I'm a keen observer of peoples body langauge), if they hide/avoid topics (within reason is permitted), emotional dysregulation issues (excluding serious causes like death of loved one, car accident, etc).
I would adapt to whatever lifestyle is necessary for what we agree we want. In past relationships I would always split the workload 50/50, so I would do the same now but obviously give preference to whatever the other party preferred (I like dishes, totally weird I know). If my partner made enough to not work, I would try to keep busy around the home but would likely get bored so I would pick up a job that I had a passion for versus just for money. I think having open discussions and keeping things "even" so as to prevent resentment and future issues is probably why I do it this way. I was working while my ex did nothing and over time I realized I was beginning to resent her, so I told her and then got her a job at the company I worked for.
My answers aren't different, I would look for the same traits in a partner I'm looking for now. Gender makes no difference to being able to live a happy life together. Although, as a woman, I think I would have to add a requirement that my partner has working "equipment".

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-03-22T18:37:35+00:00

I'm the ideal type of me as a woman because that's literally what I've built my lifestyle and personality around

Honest-Appearance874 · 2026-04-05T08:48:58+00:00

If I woke up as a woman, I’d finally understand the 'mystery' that everyone talks about, which is actually just a cover for how transactional and shallow female attraction really is.

Think about it: As men, we appreciate beauty like a piece of art—it’s objective, immediate, and doesn't need a 'story' or 'context' to be breathtaking. But for women, the male body is almost invisible or even 'gross' until it’s wrapped in layers of status, behavior, or 'personality.'

It’s a depressing reality. Women get everything—neoteny, beauty, and protection—just for existing. Meanwhile, the male body undergoes sexual dimorphism that is physically harsher and unappreciated by the very gender that is supposed to be attracted to it. To hear that a woman needs 'personality' to find a man attractive is just a polite way of saying a man must constantly prove his worth to be seen as a biological equal. It’s an ugly, functional system disguised as something 'deep,' while the male appreciation of beauty remains the only truly pure form of admiration left.

Outrageous-Floor-424 · 2026-03-22T16:45:11+00:00

I'd stay single

One_Stick6219 · 2026-03-22T17:29:24+00:00

Not possible to answer tbh

ResponsibleSwitch883 · 2026-03-23T00:26:50+00:00

I probably wouldn't date.

Most straight dating is really... rehearsed. And as someone who wants genuine connection, I wouldn't know where or how to look.

The people that I've been most drawn to intellectually always identify as asexual. The people I'm drawn to sexually tend to be intellectually underwhelming (too hurt, too anxious, too uncomfortable in life to contemplate uncomfortable thoughts).

Most of the people I've come across are desperate to be happy. And that's not a kind of desperation that's safe to live around, build a life with. The only solace is as a man, most of the building and safety is expected to be my job anyway. So, so long as I'm functional, dating can kind of work.

But most of my bad instincts in dating will translate to outright self-destruction as a woman. The male version of the women I'm drawn to would be kind of scary. Either financially or physically, the dynamic would backfire.

Logos1789 · 2026-03-22T16:58:02+00:00

I would leverage my more responsive sex drive to avoid the people most likely to harm me: a male partner. Anything short of that would undermine women’s continual lamentation that they aren’t safe.

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