You get who you can get. Not who you deserve or are entitled to. Who you can get IS your "smv"

wtknight · 2022-03-23T20:45:24+00:00

Flaired CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-03-23T21:04:30+00:00

This is very inspirational if stated in a positive way.

"If you can manage to get someone out of your league, then you're in the same league."

MrMushySauce · 2022-03-23T21:10:21+00:00

While I agree in theory, I think it can get wishy-washy sometimes.

Like, what if someone gets rejected most of the time, but when they don't, they get really attractive partners? Is that low SMV or high SMV? Or what if someone can get literally every unattractive partner, but can't bat above a certain league?

If you're thinking "that doesn't happen," I definitely know people who fit both of those descriptions. But I suppose the general premise is correct--if you think you're an 8, but no 8s think you're an 8, you're probably not an 8.

s_zauez · 2022-03-23T20:43:04+00:00

Most of us will end up alone*

FTFY

breadpillfan · 2022-03-23T21:28:55+00:00

Many people don't know their true value and sell themselves short.

If somebody knocks on my door and offers me $100,000 to buy my house and I take it is that the true market value? No, the market value would be if I put it up for sale and got multiple offers and picked the highest bidder.

If I had a painting by a famous artist and was trying to sell it at a flea market in a small rural town and kept lowering the price until it finally sold for $50 is that the true value if it actually would have sold at auction for $1 million in NYC?

You have to date around a lot to get a true idea of your value. Women have a better idea because they're pursued by men and get a lot of attention from a young age but the problem is they don't always know the mens intentions and are easily fooled by men who just want to take advantage of them.

Lots of guys don't really know what their true potential is. Some people settle down early and have no idea that they could do a lot better. Some guys don't know how to approach so they settle for women who pursue them who are always of a lower smv.

People's smv changes over time. A 25 year old guy with a baby face who looks like an awkward teen might get a certain feeling of his smv and then not realize how much it's improved when he's 30 and grows into his features and looks more mature and masculine. A woman who had a bunch of short term flings with guys way out of her league when she was younger might have an unrealistic view of her value when she's a little older and hasn't yet come to terms with how much her looks have faded.

washington_breadstix · 2022-03-23T21:30:09+00:00

Yes, I agree, insofar as "Who you can get with" in reality is the only metric that actually matters. None of the theoretical bullshit makes any real difference when it comes to your "league", etc.

Having said that, I think 1-10 rating systems and whatnot have their utility when we're trying to, for instance, isolate different traits and see how they stack up against each other, talk about overarching trends, etc. It seems to me that one of the major purposes of the debates here is to talk about how the theoretical side of things (people's expectations and preconceived notions) actually intersects with and aligns with reality. In order to do that, we at least need the means to speak more abstractly where necessary.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-03-23T21:05:29+00:00

This is what girls punching 2 points up on OLD tell themselves

Everyone knows there's a fuckable range and a date-able range

No_Exercise_8670 · 2022-03-24T18:32:46+00:00

No, environment plays huge role. You maybe good looking millionaire living on uninhabited island. And you will not get any dates there lol. That doesn't say much about your SMV.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-03-23T21:49:18+00:00

What if, put of a million people considered to have a certain high smv, only one of them would ever go out with you—through total luck, you meet that one? Do you have equivalent smv?

What if 999,999 would go out with you, but you only ever meet the one who doesnt?

My point is that you cant determine the value of any product simply by whether or not someone will buy it. Take any wildly overpriced new tech toy, and you'll find a few people who shelled out money for it. The test of it market value is not just those suckers, but the targeted market as a whole.

In terms of individuals and dating, that whole can be hard to see. Dry spells happen to high value individuals. Lower value individuals can get into advantageous relationships that take them off the market for years. Your perspective doesnt account for these common anomalies, which the market presumably corrects in the long run. Over and under-valuation is not only possible, it happens all the time.

Monchi_21 · 2022-03-23T21:14:33+00:00

The number rating system is used as a easy way to get point across. We are talking online and not thru voice. The amount of times people on here don’t even read what people write or skim thru things and get the points wrong of the other person is baffling.

People (mostly women, but some men on here too) say they are entitled to whatever they want. If that’s what you want to go for, then go for it. But it’s like you said a majority of people will end up alone and one of the factor is that they are trying to get someone that is not looking for them. In a guy case the girl will ignore them, in a women case the guy will probably have sex with them and ghost them.

I extremely disagree SMV at least for men can be altered even if it only going up a few points.

non-troll_account · 2022-03-24T06:26:54+00:00

My sexual market value is

 null

sarkington · 2022-03-23T21:29:45+00:00

OP I will take posts like this seriously when you link me all the guys posting about how they deserve and are entitled to this and that. Normal dudes aren’t talking like that. You’re speaking about a fringe of mentally ill loners on websites so extreme that they get banned from mainstream platforms like Reddit, and even from more freewheeling subs like this one.

I don’t even know why this post is being kept up. You’re ranting about a group of people who are essentially fictional insofar as how they impact your life.

figuringMylife · 2022-03-23T21:03:10+00:00

eh. i’ve only dated 7s but i’m still a solid 6 okuuuurtttt, i think they like me cuz of my awesome personality 🥰

JoeRMD77 · 2022-03-23T23:22:41+00:00

So we just need a libido killer drug and force it upon men and suddenly 95% of women will have a smv of 0 and the few who actually are putting in honest effort into dating will distribute themselves from 1 to 10 depending on which guy they are starting a relationship in.

So by your logic at least.

dxfifa · 2022-03-23T23:00:52+00:00

It all falls apart when you realise a 9/10 guy still finds 6/10 girls hot enough to sleep with but not to date.

Chad is not monogamous, and if he is that just means Brad gets flooded with girls, not average Joes getting a girlfriend.

The dating market for men is like free market capitalism if you use women as wealth in that analogy. Everyone can't be rich and the rich get richer, with a finite supply of wealth you convince the middle class that they are more like the rich and could be rich one day if they work for it, get the poor to blame themselves (although rarely blameless, in a rigged market the underprivileged never win en masse) and suddenly the market is institutionally supported

You take 100 guys and 100 girls and match them up by levelled attractiveness.

The first few couples would be very happy, then quickly the women would start looking at the guys 5 or more above as to who they're used to sleeping with, you get to the 20th couple and the woman is looking at the top 10 guys, the 50th couple and the women is looking at the top 20 as her deserved range.

Whereas with men, once you get past the 10-20 range, every guy would get a hotter partner than he's used to, unless he's got killer game

Maybe the hideous women would be happy too, but women are so used to punching up sexually, that the further you get from the top to a point of hideousness, the further you get from what the woman is used to and this is what is being talked about

2022-03-23T22:12:31+00:00

If what you said is true I just came from a 5 or a 6 down to -2

EveryoneIsATenYay · 2022-03-23T22:54:29+00:00

Female 5/10s who are used like Fleshlights by male 8/10s are actually 10/10s for their perception and self worth. Go for it ladies!

skon7 · 2022-03-23T23:10:42+00:00

SMV is extremely cut and dry. This purple pill space was supposed to allow more nuance but people are getting too general here as well.

How many couples have you seen where you’re like “she is way too hot or good for him” or you see men with a average looking women and think “he choose HER!!??”

Sometimes peoples personalities connect in a way that it goes beyond the superficial and shallow stuff. There are also many variables to attraction, not just age, looks, money, notch count, ect

Also, leagues are general. You will always bat within your league usually but it can go a bit up or down based on certain trade offs, like hot girl and shitty personality or rich guy but shitty personality, ect. You go down in certain things to make trade offs for what will bring you more happiness and quality in other areas

YtBlue · 2022-03-24T00:01:07+00:00

I think people who say this statement don't get around. Sometimes you'll be turned down by 4's other times you'll get 8s and vice versa.

JoeRMD77 · 2022-03-24T00:41:19+00:00

And on the flip side, don't listen to random's people criticism who said you're not good enough. Just because you're not good enough for someone doesn't mean you're not good enough for anyone else. I'm really embracing the "perfect just the way you are" motto lately because it's true - we're only accountable to ourselves in the end.

If someone's not happy with us, that's on them. No one's forcing anyone to date at gunpoint.

If men are all broke bums, stop dating.

If women are all high n-count sluts, stop dating.

But don't get fooled into thinking everyone has the same shallow standards because I'm proof they don't.

featheredsnake · 2022-03-24T01:27:51+00:00

I agree with your point but I would add that your looks (scale 0-10) measures something different than SMV.

We know that girls are "choosier" for biological reasons than men. So a 6 girl is not necessarily looking for a 6 guy. The difference of what it would take for a hookup is even larger.

The SMV, as you say, is based on your actual opportunities whereas the 0-10 scale measures looks. Related but definitely not the same.

2022-03-24T01:30:51+00:00

This is interesting to me because I pretty much agree. I think people need to see it as demand versus supply. If you demand higher value supply ekes out once you get to that threshold of what you get.

If you get lower demand it's probably because you demand too high or you aren't worth what you think. Or even that you value yourself far little.

TLDR: The market sets your value.

ThorLives · 2022-03-24T03:47:44+00:00

Nah. Besides, your argument here is circular logic. If your SMV is based on who you can get, then you're assuming you know what the SMV of the partner is.

For example, according to your argument: let's say that some guy who you'd normally say is a "7" dates a hot model. What's his SMV? Well, it's the same as the hot model. I guess a "10". But, how did you decide that the model's SMV is 10? Based on the man she's currently dating, she's a "7". Or maybe it's based on the men she could get - but we can't know what those other men's SMV is unless we know who they're dating. It's infinite recursion and there is no answer at all.

miumiux · 2022-03-24T08:54:14+00:00

The problem with modern dating is how selfishly parasitic each person is. This upward-downward rating thing is sociopathic af and how casual people are about that explains why so many of you are having a hard time in your relationships.

redback-spider · 2022-03-24T13:52:58+00:00

I think many people don't "get" anybody because they don't even try.

I would especially for man at least to some degree reverse the claim to "You get what you think you deserve".

Many man are not aware of their worth, that's also why they ignore many red flags and marry the first women that gives them any attention.

Many man even they got much status and or maney / intelligence maybe even height, think because they are not thin or muscular are beyond a 30 year old let's say 6.

(much money is very relative I think in some cities in the US much money starts with 200.000 dollars per year upwards) in europe I would say >80.000 Euro is a lot, in some poorer easert countries you could push this number even further down.

If you as man don't talk to women you are interested because you believe they are better than you, or you talk to them but start simping that you sabotaged this relationship even she would maybe be interested.

In my past I even pushed away women I would loved to have sex with because they suprised me more or less openly made moves on me and because either suprise or self worth issues did conciously or unconciously reject them.

And I think I am not alone with that and it's cultural because man get told 24/7 in tv and everywhere that they suck, and that monen are better than man in everything, and that man and women are identical, so if I as man value 99% the body of a women I would assume women value also only 99% the body of men, ignorining that money status, intelligence, heck I was not even aware that height is so important for women, because for me as man the height of a women is not that important... If you get told they are basically identical to you, that is a logical conclusion.

masterdarthrevan · 2022-03-24T16:23:20+00:00

Tell that to a small town, then tell it to a big city. Where you live matters

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-03-23T22:06:05+00:00

Firstly, the numbers rating system is a joke.

Yep. There's so much fucking STEM-brain on this sub. Not everything can be neatly quantified.

2022-03-23T21:10:06+00:00

Most men dont have standards so most women are 10s since they can get a large catalog of men.

andtheywontstopcomin · 2022-03-23T22:04:43+00:00

You're sort of right and sort of wrong.

Here's the nuance you're missing: A lot of men don't know their own worth. Men think they're 2/10 uggos simply because most women have inflated egos and can get the (Sexual) attention of some frat boy type of dude pretty easily. Are these women impressive in any way? Nope. Are they that pretty? Nah. But they have vaginas, so this makes them inherently valuable. Men who are decent looking and have their life together won't always have the experiences that prove that they are, say, 7/10 dudes. Why? Because hooking up and sex isn't that easy for men.

I'm a pretty good looking guy but I didn't know that for most of my life. Women treated me like shit, with utter disrespect and contempt. I thought I was a 0/10. After I got a growth spurt and some muscles, suddenly all the fatties wanted to fuck me. So I was really happy that I was now a 3/10 guy. A few years later, I realize that I'm a fit, decent 6/10 looking man fucking fat ugly bitches. The proof that I'm 6/10? I noticed that some 6/10 women were showing interest in me. Yeah they were a bit harder to get than the fat girls, but still doable regardless. And this just kept happening, I had experiences that PROVED that I was settling for uglier girls when I didn't have to do so. Most men simply aren't lucky enough to have these experiences because they don't know how the world works.

LalaTheSecond · 2022-03-23T20:45:36+00:00

Lol all women are 10.

Fuck I'm 🔥

Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2022-03-23T22:56:51+00:00

Wrong.

SMV for women is binary - she’s either fuckable or not fuckable.

The entire problem we are seeing in modern dating is women thinking they are a “worthy” of an 8 because an 8 fucked them when drunk at 1:50am.

No. 8 is not her “smv”. 1 is her SMV and her RMV is zero

A woman thinks she’s an 8 because an 8 fucked her and now she will continuously hold out for another 8 (who will also pump and dump) because of this and to maintain her delusion that she’s an 8.

Add in social media and you have that effected on steroids.

If you haven’t seen this you probably haven’t been to a bar or club or done online dating in the past 5 years.

Further, women need to literally do nothing but exist and be an easy fuck to get that Chad .

When a man who is a 5 can bang a hot chick, he is a valuable man because men do all the fucking work.

It means that 5 climbed a mountain through effort (usually charm, humor, game, etc)

What did the woman do?

Exist.

DicamVeritatem · 2022-03-23T23:03:02+00:00

And your MMV is based on who you can get to commit to you.

Most women have a SMV well in excess of their MMV.

Many men have MMV well in excess of their SMV.

Most men have close to zero SMV.

Fit_Kiwi9703 · 2022-03-23T22:06:49+00:00

Firstly, the numbers rating system is a joke.

My gay college roommate thinks I'm a 6/10. My partner tells me I'm 10/10. On days I don't shower, I swear I'm a 1/10. It's all relative.

criticalmale · 2022-03-23T22:33:58+00:00

Sounds like cope for genetically inferior women.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-03-23T22:51:24+00:00

Theirs a smv bubble right now. A ugly fat girl should not have more smv than a average guy. Thats the issue

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2022-03-23T20:55:22+00:00

Sad…

skon7 · 2022-03-23T22:53:19+00:00

Face app? Lol

ruboyuri · 2022-03-23T23:08:33+00:00

The sex and relationship markets are also mixed together, complicating things

keeperoflosttime · 2022-03-23T23:39:51+00:00

For women there's a significant difference between the the maximum attractiveness of a guy willing to fuck you and the maximum attractiveness of a guy willing to invest in a long-term relationship with you. Likewise for guys there's a significant difference between the maximum attractiveness of a woman willing to fuck you no-strings attached, and a woman willing to be in a relationship with you contingent on you providing resources.

_Woodrow_ · 2022-03-24T00:35:00+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree

1-800-wandsthetic · 2022-03-24T01:48:40+00:00

what's smv

Moneydamjan · 2022-03-24T02:04:05+00:00

for women who you can date is your smv, not who can you let fuck you.

just because a chad has sex with a woman doesn't mean that's her smv level now, its who she can keep and get to commit to her that indicates her smv

DillonTheFatUglyMale · 2022-03-24T02:31:03+00:00

Eugh this is so true it hurts

Dramatic-Emu-1196 · 2022-03-24T02:57:07+00:00

This shit again?

r2401 · 2022-03-24T06:20:54+00:00

Nah, this ignores different marketplaces impact market value. Just throwing your hands in the air and saying it's pointless to gauge what your underlying value is, is similar to selling a used car and just throwing a number out there, whatever, a million dollars, we'll see who pays me something!

A smarter strategy would be to look up the KBB, and if you aren't satisfied with that number do something to improve the value or perhaps change the region you sell it in. A car's value is not determined purely by what it's sold for. A variety of factors will impact that, including you simply going about it suboptimally. Ten cars with identical KBB can sell for a variety of prices.

Just putting it on craigslist and saying "whatever I ultimately sell it for must have been the real value!" is reductive and low IQ. You might earn some karma though, reductive often does.

ogsimpology · 2022-03-24T06:54:01+00:00

The problem being some people really should be worth and desired less, but because of mens desperation, and womens pickiness and now equality, some people's value is distorted.

An obese woman SHOULD die alone, just like an obese man. Especially the woman since men place much more value on looks. But instead they still have men after them, whereas even average men these days, average looking that is, die alone

caption291 · 2022-03-24T08:17:45+00:00

Not everyone is a nihilist so some people have ideas about the world that go beyond what the market tells them is the "truth".

moldovan0731 · 2022-03-24T10:58:53+00:00

Saying that a guy who's a 7/10 by looks isn't really a 7/10 because 6/10's don't accept him is a covert way of saying that women are always right about their standards/ratings and none of them have expectations they don't meet, which sounds like something a woman or a simp would say.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2022-03-24T11:15:05+00:00

It's also a joke to have the levels, you may find individuals of a certain value above yours that particularly like you. It's not a flat science, putting everything on a level base system makes it seem like there's only one aspect to attraction.

ThrowAwayBro737 · 2022-03-24T11:50:08+00:00

It’s not who you “can” get. It’s who you DO get. The market price is set after a sale. The Fair Market Value of land (for example) becomes whatever it is sold for on the open market. The same goes for SMV. Also, it’s not the same for men and women. This is because you use the term “get”. “Get” is different for men and women. For men, “get” is have sex. For women “get” is to obtain commitment or a serious relationship.

Hadraxis · 2022-03-24T11:50:23+00:00

You can get anyone. But who you can keep is the toss up.

You can get who you want by approaching and having a Convo with the girls you like in real life.

I said convo. No pick up lines. No pick up artistry.

Convo is just networking anyway. Which is an invaluable skill.

You can also increase who you can get by putting yourself around as many girls/women that have similar interests to you. This is achieved by joining clubs of your talents art etc or whatever meetups are in your area for topics of interest to you. Hiking, volunteering, dancing etc.

By default your "who you can" is still more enjoyable at least socially.

AnalThrashing · 2022-03-24T12:38:08+00:00

TonyJPRoss · 2022-03-24T13:11:51+00:00

People tend to get with people who have significant parts of their personality in common, and also commonly people who look sort of the same as them. This isn't a league thing, this is looking for someone who you can comfortably be yourself around and make a life together with.

Netheral · 2022-03-24T13:44:31+00:00

Sure, but the issue in my opinion stems more from people acting like this purveys fairness. That people get what's fair, proportional to what "they deserve".

A lot of anti-incel rhetoric claims that people just need to shower and show a modicum of respect. And if they still don't get anything, then it's because they aren't trying hard enough. And if they still don't get anything after years of effort? Then it's probably because they don't deserve anything!

Which of course ignores the myriad of factors that actually go into this issue. And again, ignores the fact that the world, isn't, fair.

A commenter once mentioned that people do this as a sort of defence mechanism. Because just like how a lot of virgins feel like crap and lack self confidence because of their virginity, a lot of people derive a relatively large amount of their self worth from not being a virgin.

But when a virgin shows up claiming that the world isn't fair because they haven't had sex, and that they feel they're a good person that's been trying with no success; non-virgins might feel attacked. They'll feel like these claims are undermining their idea of what it means to "deserve" sex. So they'll make claims that the person just isn't trying hard enough, or that they don't "deserve" sex for any myriad of reasons.

All of which is of course ignoring that fact that again, the world isn't fair. Wonderful people stay single their whole lives and horrid assholes get to live, literally on top of the world. (As the tweet put it so poignantly "I can't believe there's a president that fucks porn stars and wants a space army and I still hate him").

That's not to say incels don't take this the wrong way either. They'll complain that the world isn't fair but won't actually take it to heart. The world isn't fair.

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2022-03-24T15:20:23+00:00

Huge difference between SMV and RMV, most young men keep girls in relationships but still only see them as sex objects to release all their needs/urges, and occasional affection to boost their ego, fulfill that desire on Maslow’s hierarchy of reproductive urges & focus on building themselves up. Years later after the 4/10 or 5/10 girls best years have waned these men leave the girls entirely. Or stop putting up a charade, the facade and turn into assholes to make the girl leave. Some cling on knowing he’s a higher RMP man and they may never find anyone like him again so the relationship becomes toxic. Yes women are opportunistic with hypergamy and men on the internet (me included years ago when I was lower value) endlessly complain about women being hypergamous and thus evil. But men are the most opportunistic and shrewd businessmen like people on the planet. Women do get attached emotionally to men and want to be with one guy just one or two steps above her… but men just see it as great temporary sex for fun. All these women end up super bitter, resentful, vindictive those men get so much pleasure from her and they never intended to commit or marry her. Now they’re mid 20s to late 20s, time is moving by rapidly faster now and time literally seems to move by quickly, they have their biological clocks and regret wasting so much time f’ng around & burning bridges with men instead of making more healthy social connections in their younger, more youthful and fertile days. No older women exist to teach young women anything about life & nature now, only feminism. A 30 yo women will never be 20 again. The seed turns into a beautiful flower, but one day all flowers die.

masterdarthrevan · 2022-03-24T16:26:04+00:00

The only person that can determine your value is someone else, someone else will see your value differently than another person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2022-03-24T23:46:26+00:00

You are nowhere near a 7 my friend. You are a 3 all day long. Your personality sucks. No woman in her right mind would date you. You need months or years of therapy.

Transmigratory · 2022-03-25T01:26:55+00:00

This proves to that the OP & quite a few ITT do not understand humans as much as they think they do and base these affirmative claims from some event or series of events or 'reality checks" or triggering instances that elicited some emotional reaction that created some fire in their bellies.

But witnessing the Dunning-Kruger effect in this subreddit is always so amusing.

2022-03-25T22:26:26+00:00

I also feel like rating people on a scale 1-10 is stupid and leagues as well. What's a 10 for my friend is a 2 for me and vice versa. It's ok not to be someone's type, it doesn't automatically mean you are ugly.

Title	You get who you can get. Not who you deserve or are entitled to. Who you can get IS your "smv"
Author	Illustrious_Age9208
Upvotes	195
Comments	265
Date	March 23, 2022 8:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tldce8/you_get_who_you_can_get_not_who_you_deserve_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-get-who-you-can-get-not-who-you-deserve-or-are.1107874 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107874

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