How big of a deal is it, dating someone who has different political beliefs than you do? Are relationships better when both people are on the same page, politically? Or do political differences make for more interesting interactions? Just curious what people think.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-04-04T23:54:08+00:00

Dating? Not a big deal at all as long as they're not annoying about it, however if the intention is to have and raise children then yeah I and I think most people want somebody closer to their own political, social and religious beliefs

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-04-05T00:09:33+00:00

That largely depends on how important politics are to the people in question. A moderate liberal and a moderate conservative would have an easier time dating each other than their more extreme counter parts would. It also depends on whether or not you want kids because it’s best to be on the same page about what values and worldviews you want to impart on your kids and how ok you’d be with them being taught to do the opposite. Personally I couldn’t do it and it’s why I avoided dating liberal men but some other women may find it easier to date their political opposites.

SherwinHowardPhantom · 2022-04-05T01:01:52+00:00

Political difference? As long as the person is decent and moderate, I am fine with having that person in my life.

Religious differences? As an atheist, it’ll be harder for me to marry a person who practices devout Baptism, Islam, and Judaism because I might be required to convert upon marriage. Nope.

ReactiveNylxthograph · 2022-04-05T03:02:56+00:00

Depends on how different they are politically

I heavily believe that ur political views show what ur morals and values are so i couldnt be with someone long term that disagrees with me too much

Kay_Lore · 2022-04-05T00:27:53+00:00

I’m a moderate so anyone on either side as long as they aren’t too extreme (communist, homophobic, racist, etc.) is fine with me. As long as they can handle disagreements with class and don’t think I’m an awful person for any of my beliefs. It matters more when raising children though, we’d have to talk more about how we would raise kids if we disagree on certain fundamental topics.

slavicslothe · 2022-04-05T02:20:49+00:00

I'd never have dated anyone who wasn't willing to get an abortion if the BC failed because fuck that. Control z ftw

StarchRunner · 2022-04-04T23:23:02+00:00

It depends just how extreme the views are. I knew a guy who seemed mostly normal but he believed women should not be allowed to vote. So we did not date.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-04-04T23:25:57+00:00

I don’t need someone in lockstep with my beliefs but we need to be able to meet in the middle somewhere when we have differences.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-04-05T02:03:33+00:00

I don’t care as long as the views aren’t extreme and basic moral values are similar. I care more about how they treat me and other people than what political views they talk about. Far right men are a major red flag, but lefty men can be just as misogynistic when it comes down to it. Being too impressed with one’s own political views in general is a red flag. Someone who is politically aware but open to discussion and changing their mind is the biggest green flag imo.

back_in_blyat · 2022-04-05T01:17:33+00:00

I used to not care but I heavily filter now just because it seems like every single millennial/genZ woman is some idiot SJW with insane beliefs they likely only believe because they think twitter/tiktok is reality. I used to exclusively date liberal/libertarian women for the same reasons but at this point I'm forced to date moderate/conservative women because at least they don't force their fringe nonsense into everyday conversations. I'm a stalwart atheist but nowadays I'd gladly take someone who subscribes to the religion of christianity then the religion of intersectionality. Just leave me alone and no step on snek

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2022-04-05T00:00:55+00:00

Shared values are important for the most emotionally intimate relationship of your life

sarkington · 2022-04-05T00:11:32+00:00

If you like fighting or completely avoiding subjects and also don’t care about values, I suppose it’s fine

Politics reflect values, which manifest in opinions and attitudes, so it is important to me. I don’t want to be constantly annoyed or offended by the words that come out of my partners mouth

spicysaucegood · 2022-04-04T23:47:53+00:00

Better to not be opposites, would cause too much conflict. And also not the exact same, would hinder both of your personal growths. Somewhere where you both understand and respect each other's opinions and don't have argumentive personalities.

FancyComfortable4678 · 2022-04-05T02:18:28+00:00

My political beliefs are direct results of my core values. I do not see how anyone can arrive at significantly different beliefs without having different values.

krischens · 2022-04-05T08:07:42+00:00

I think there are some hard lines concerning the political beliefs that are deal-breakers. Probably the biggest problem is when you have to raise a child together and can't agree on how to do it. I don't think that constant arguments make the life more interesting...

Atgnat2020 · 2022-04-05T15:35:28+00:00

I'm a Democrat. I could date a republican, but not a Trumplican

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-04-04T23:22:57+00:00

I'd never date a conservative (or most moderates, judging by what many of them seem to support). But I think that's an individual's call.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-04-04T23:17:16+00:00

I work with a woman who is a devout Christian right winger Trump voter & her husband is an atheist Bernie loving lib. It's an interesting dynamic but honestly I don't think they really ever talk politics/religion. Been together for 15 years.

My wife and I are both very liberal but she's definitely more liberal than me and I play devil's advocate and argue the opposing side just to see what she says sometimes.

ruboyuri · 2022-04-05T00:25:46+00:00

Let me take a wild guess here:

Tradcons/progressives/religious — very important

Conservatives/red pill/black pill — totally irrelevant

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-04-04T23:37:18+00:00

It matters, but these two things are not vetted in a similar fashion. How I vet people in public life vs. private differs. Your political position is only important to the extent I am aware of where you stand in PUBLIC LIFE - on the general level - this is irrelevant to how you conduct your prejudices and private affairs.

Who I associate with in public life is important to public reputation. Private vetting will be far more scruitinized and fixated on values, not JUST political standing because I find political standing begins to breakdown when it crossing over into private life. While the two correlate in they cannot exist without one another, how one lives within and values their private.

Point being, there have been men that claim to be "liberal" or 'feminist' or 'anti-feminist' or whatever; and how they conduct themselves in private life was not reflective of their public declarations. Ex; there anti-racist liberals that claim to be against racism but advocate for ahistorical colorblindness as a feasible anti-racist position. To use politics or declarations of "I am a traditional" or "liberal man" will have no interesting effect on how I vet your private life value systems and beliefs.

Men/women claiming to be feminists or anti-feminist, or whatever public persona as a way to disarm rational female vetting criteria or men claiming to be anti-feminists or traditional to suspend rational thinking and critical scrutiny of beliefs while enabling strange undertones, pushing ignorance and indifference are the worst kinds.

Claiming to be "liberal" "traditional" "conservative" "feminist" or "anti-feminist" man is completely irrelevant to me. That is your public persona. You will be vetted at length beyond this public persona, you will be vetted for the integrity of your private and authentic self unless I am vetting for public associations.

NockerJoe · 2022-04-04T23:21:38+00:00

Honestly the idea that you need exact political alignment is dumb AF. You're either basing all your human relationships on tax bracket adjustments or you're LARPing that its still 1965 and progressives and minorities are getting dogs set on them because of race relations every time they step outside. That or you think The Liburals are going to inject hormones into your kids while you aren't looking.

mandoa_sky · 2022-04-05T00:20:31+00:00

i'm pro LGBTQ, pro-choice, believe faith is optional, VERY pro science (my entire family are scientists), anti (non heavily licenced) gun, pro vaccines etc.

anyone not these things and i tend to get into very heavy debates that go nowhere.

i'm ok with it in a friend / acquaintance but it's too exhausting in a SO

Matt_Door · 2022-04-04T23:24:06+00:00

Don’t matter to me, just don’t be an extremist of any ideological/theological belief and we can probably get along.

briiiana1122 · 2022-04-04T23:41:33+00:00

Not a big deal usually, but I’m pretty close to the middle. Someone of falls as far as I do to my side to the other side probably has similar enough beliefs that there aren’t major incompatibilities. I don’t think I could date someone on one of the ends of the political spectrum, especially if they made it a major part of their identity.

Really, someone super into politics would be kind of hard to take I think.

Also probably important, I’m Canadian so our spectrum is not the same as the American one, which influences the actual people I know and therefore my answer

M3taBuster · 2022-04-05T00:12:31+00:00

I'm not sure how necessary it is in an objective sense. I haven't looked at studies that compared the success rates of couples that are matched politically to those that are mismatched.

All I know is that it is important to me, for my own subjective reasons, that my partner is at least generally right-of-center.

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2022-04-05T00:25:23+00:00

I think it depends more on how much they believe in their "team" and how much they actually know about the subject you're disagreeing on. Disagreeing can help you better understand subjects, but useful idiots are just an energy drain to be around.

Notsonewguy7 · 2022-04-05T00:36:11+00:00

Well as some one who has a unique perspective on politics I have to date someone that has different political view (both right & left).

n8ivco1 · 2022-04-05T01:05:19+00:00

Carville and Matlin seem to have made it work.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-04-05T08:49:23+00:00

I guess it comes down to what one considers political. My understanding is probably broader than someone else’s, and that would cause friction. I just think it’s important to have a somewhat similar communication style. I know some people avoid conflicts more often than I do, and because I like political dialogue, close relationship would be difficult.

LCOSPARELT1 · 2022-04-05T12:08:24+00:00

Politics has replaced organized religion for most of the population. So a conservative Republican dating a progressive Democrat are going to have massive problems much the way a Catholic dating a Jew had pre-1970. In all likelihood, in 2022, a serious relationship or marriage between a devout Republican and a devout Democrat is doomed.

lilgingercelt · 2022-04-05T18:10:54+00:00

I really don’t mind dating someone with different politics, or being in a relationship with one. I find left wing women are usually the ones who have the biggest problem with this. But if they find you attractive enough they’ll give you a chance.

Shadesbane43 · 2022-04-05T19:43:32+00:00

I don't think it's a big deal. My girlfriend and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. I'm a Marxist-Leninist, and she's an anarchist.

Ethnocentrik · 2022-04-05T20:20:31+00:00

I’d don’t want to marry a leftist woman. They make horrible mothers and I want children. In game theory, Leftists are humanitarians which lose out to ethnocentric strategies. It’s important to be ethnocentric as a mother because you are tasked with putting your own genetic interest first and the most genetically similar thing is a child. I cannot trust a leftist/humanitarian with putting my own child’s interest above all else.

Basically as a good mother you have to be racist (better word would be familist ). You have to put your own genes first.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-04-04T23:48:31+00:00

I don't know of any couple with drastically different politics in my social circle. There is this one super conservative dude, a friend of a friend, my partner jokes about wanting to get with me, his lefty waifu.

It's a weird thing I've noticed with conservative guys where they want a leftist girlfriend. I don't know specifically why but I think it's this weird complex where they want to feel intellectually superior to their girlfriend like ah yes I am cold and logical and she's an emotional bleeding heart.

Fit-Faithlessness149 · 2022-04-05T00:20:43+00:00

Dating a conservative could have worked pre Trump. Now that they are mostly Trump cultists it's impossible.

John_Oakman · 2022-04-04T23:21:29+00:00

For many Americans, political beliefs if a matter of life & death, or salvation & damnation. Pretty sure in that context compatibility is rather important...

kcephei · 2022-04-05T04:09:40+00:00

I personally wouldn’t date someone with far-right views, since a lot of people in that camp don’t think I should have rights (see Texas atm), and anyone who is registered to vote with the GOP is supporting a party that openly opposes same-sex marriage on their party platform (which is publicly accessible on their website).

I consider myself a leftist so, while I’m open to discourse and debate, don’t really want debate about my rights in a relationship

delight-n-angers · 2022-04-05T00:23:15+00:00

I'm a leftist, at this point in my country political leabing is a barometer for morals and ethics. I won't date anyone who is conservative or votes republican. Period.

APortraitofAPoison · 2022-04-04T23:33:44+00:00

No one wants to date someone who believes exactly what they believe.

uh, yes i do. but since its not easy to find i will accept almost any kind of non leftist and before you all say it nazis are leftists (leftist in this context = collectivist). constitutional conservatives, various forms of libertarian, non ideological law and order authoritarian are all ok, we need to at least share fundamental premises about human nature and also he must be an atheist. not real hard to find in a man.

rootsnyder · 2022-04-05T00:40:45+00:00

I wouldn't care about dating someone with different political or religious beliefs then me but I wouldn't dare marry someone with different beliefs then me. Sharing my finances with someone who believes in trickle-down economics or trying to progress in life with someone who gets all their advice from some magical sky wizard that created the world in seven days but some how cares about hand whispers is a big no no from me.

jah-roole · 2022-04-04T23:50:58+00:00

Depends on how much of a nut job the other person is and whether they realize that, at least in the US, both sides are the same thing.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-04-05T01:37:54+00:00

It can work, but if one side is rad fem/radical lefty type, it wont work out

Anti_Thing · 2022-04-04T23:37:21+00:00

Let’s be honest, this is really only a problem for the left. They can’t handle polite debate where statistics and facts are used as their entire political ideology is founded on feelings and misrepresentation. Hence “Mostly peaceful but fiery protests” or “Joe Rogan uses horse paste.” Complete disingenuous bullshit.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-04-05T01:53:22+00:00

I generally care more about consistency in a person's values than I do about their specific politics, but I find that the values I always held in the highest regard strongly align with more left-leaning politics. If someone is an honest, kind, generous, accepting, fair, open-minded generally conscientious person in their personal life, but their politics are spiteful, hateful, myopic, etc. I would consider them to have incompatible values with me specifically because of the political positions they hold, even if their values in their personal life ostensibly are a fit with mine.

As far as actual political views that I'd find to be impractical or deal-breakers..... anti-transit is a big one for me because my pet issue is transportation and infrastructure expansion.

2022-04-05T03:19:17+00:00

I'm an extremely politically and socially engaged person. Most people with political differences to me tend to be people who have very different viewpoints that often.verge on cruel, hateful or bigoted. Therefore I would not be able to have those people in my life let alone as a partner

AutoModerator · 2022-04-04T22:31:39+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

GoodCatBadWolf · 2022-04-05T01:31:29+00:00

I would say it largely depends on how much you value others’ beliefs and points of view. If you have the ability to consider a different point of view, and can hold space while respecting the other person to allow them to maintain their perspective, then it should be ok. But if either or both of you think your way is the only way, and try to change the other person, then you’re gonna have a bad time.

Having different opinions and perspectives is the magic sauce of life in a relationship. Learning how to set your egos aside so you can fully experience the other person in their magic is also part of the journey. Easier said than done though lol

princesssbrooklynn · 2022-04-05T01:36:18+00:00

I find now a days people where there political views as personality traits if it’s not one of those I could care less. Mf political views are just how I think things should be run given that We don’t know everything and only know what we our taught. I don’t believe either side is wrong or right or one is worse than the other I think the gov together feeds us all bs and therw both sides of the same coin.Buf I also don’t want to be lectured about it if they can’t stfu about politics. My personality who I am as a person has nothing to do with that. People are so multi dimensional. I care more about a persons core values. You can think your politics are important or your a better person because of them but I could argue all of it them both ways seriously.

Half my family is left half our right it was like that with my parents and growing up it was completely fine.

mathruinedmylife · 2022-04-05T02:10:38+00:00

i don’t think it matters that much especially if you’re both mellow about it. if both partners are intelligent and open to being convinced, eventually you converge on stuff. balancing each other out is a good thing.

skilled_cosmicist · 2022-04-05T02:21:42+00:00

Politics are too important to me for me to even consider dating someone with very different politics. To the point where people with trash politics are just genuinely unattractive to me. I could never date a conservative, libertarian, or even a liberal tbh.

pianoestnul · 2022-04-05T02:31:35+00:00

Depends on if the opposite political options they hold are superficial (mostly Believe what they were thought to believe/what it is acceptable to believe ) or intrinsic to their values (then it’s a problem in the optic of raising children).

yupyupyuypypn · 2022-04-05T03:58:13+00:00

I’m starting to give less of a fuck as I get older. I am not sure I can explain why this is… maybe it’s my gradual distrust in our institutions black pilling me or something lol

mostlyawesume · 2022-04-05T04:26:50+00:00

It depends on how political you are. If you like talking about it alot… may not go too well unless you like healthy debates and both can listen to each other. Sometimes you will have to agree to disagree and move on. If you can’t handle that then I would not recommend it. 😂

You could always agree to not talk politics.

Transmigratory · 2022-04-05T04:27:02+00:00

It depends on how strongly their belief systems influence their lives tbh.

Taitaifufu · 2022-04-05T04:44:22+00:00

I think something else that matters a lot is the type of mentality that drew the person to their political side to begin with.

I personally in my experience and also just how I think I don’t have a problem with anyone’s political beliefs as long as they are civil and logical in communication… because the only thing that I really feel very strongly about is that people should be free to think as they want and that you can’t expect liberties to be given to you that you’re not willing to give to even your worst enemy. but I think that there are some things that even just A slight difference like being slightly more conservative than your partner or something like this can be a very big problem if you’re talking about somebody who has a totally different View on things that affect day-to-day life and the structure of the relationship and family life generally a lot of these things pair with a certain political alignment so while the politics themselves are not necessarily a huge issue or rather politics that I would be okay with in theory sometimes I’m not in practice because we end up having very different ideas about the basics of getting on together basically in terms of actually having & building a real life with a person

Anti_Thing · 2022-04-05T05:00:59+00:00

It can be a big deal if you're passionate about politics or have beliefs far outside of the mainstream. Relationships are better when both people are on the same page politically. Political differences may make for interesting interactions but lead to disharmony in the long run, especially if you have children.

I'm only interested in dating as a prelude to marriage, & intend to have children once married. I don't think I could be able to make it work in the long run with a left wing girl. By Ontario standards, I'm a far-right reactionary. This has affected my dating life so greatly that I'm seriously considering moving to Hungary, to a heavily conservative American state, or at least to Alberta to find a wife & raise a family.

godandgoddess · 2022-04-05T06:05:25+00:00

Well our morals would have to align in general. That doesn’t necessarily mean being on the same political spectrum but we would have to agree on what’s right and wrong for the most part.

Skycat9 · 2022-04-05T07:26:42+00:00

I simply would not date a conservative woman. Easy

alialahmad1997 · 2022-04-05T09:11:42+00:00

That depends on how much your political beliefs are part of your personality If it wasn't something you usually talk about not really important

If you are a political activist you need to have similar beliefs

jasmine_tea_ · 2022-04-05T09:18:32+00:00

Not very important to me. To me what matters how generous, ambitious, kind, and understanding they are. "Ambitious" and "kind" already has such a rare overlap, I don't let political differences be too much of a dealbreaker.

nemma88 · 2022-04-05T10:27:57+00:00

I vote left and my partner right. It perhaps works better because we're in the UK and politics isn't as radicalized and everyone is a step to the left based on USAs politics anyway. Abortion isn't even a debate, too few people care enough to make it a debate.

The interactions are not interesting really. I keep up with politics, read manifesos et al. He is a fiscal conservative and has a more general understanding, if we were to debate he would be completely out of his depth so for the most part we only really talk about culture war things of which is aligns mostly left anyway.

Jayjay4535 · 2022-04-05T12:11:01+00:00

I honestly can’t think of a single past relationship in my 36 years that politics were ever an issue. I don’t even remember talking about it.

mysticalmermaid86 · 2022-04-05T12:23:28+00:00

I’m not a political person but I would say I’m slightly more left leaning. I’m happy to date a conservative if they are socially compassionate, do not go on and on about politics all day and are open minded.

funnybillypro · 2022-04-05T13:12:08+00:00

For me, it depends what the belief is. I'm fine with different political beliefs—not different moral ones. So, if we differ on how to do health care, the tax code, how to handle Big Tech. That's fine.

I'm not going to 'see both sides' of queer rights or Black dudes getting shot unarmed by cops. Those are not political views.

Freevoulous · 2022-04-05T13:51:31+00:00

It depends on your views.

Me, for example, Im a relaxed, slightly Left-leaning Libertarian. That makes me relatively compatible with anyone with maybe exception of literal Fascists and Communists.

From personal observation, men tend to be more Right Wing, women tend to be more Left Wing, and the more Foreveralone people get, the more extreme their political views.

IMHO, the more Liberal/Libertarian you are the more you get laid, and the more you get laid, the more relaxed you become politically.

Radicalism is the tool of the crafty Evil Old People to control stupid, sex-deprived young people.

ThatsReallyG4y · 2022-04-05T14:06:48+00:00

IMO, it isn't a big deal at all. My SO and I have different political beliefs. I'm pro-abortion and he's pro-life, just to mention one of a lot examples. I've had 7 relationships, and this is the best one BY FAR. We've been in this relationship for almost 4 years and counting, and I promise you that I have never grown more as a person than I have with him. No matter how long we've been together, I'm always curious to know what he thinks about something because he doesn't always think the same.

Having a relationship in which your SO isn't your "twin soul" is way more interesting than having always the same opinions. Nevertheless, it requires you both to be compromised and respect each other's point of view, be willing to find a common solution in which everyone feels comfortable and listened to, and be open to criticism. He has made me change some of my opinions, and so have I, but remember to stay true to yourself. Don't change your mind on a subject if you don't want to, and respect your SO for not doing it if he/she wouldn't do so either.

Lady_Pi · 2022-04-05T14:08:13+00:00

I married someone who's the political opposite. It's funny how we agree on the fundamentals but when we discuss how to get things done we have completely different ways to tackle the issues. I figured it was OK since we are not having kids together but I don't think I would've raised kids with him and he knows it

FreeThinkk · 2022-04-05T14:40:05+00:00

I was engaged to someone who had the opposite political beliefs as me. It wasn’t an issue at first we didn’t really talk politics. but it began to suck because when I wanted to talk politics it always ended in an argument. Eventually it led to our downfall just before 2016. We had other issues but the political thing really added to that downfall.

KirthWGersen · 2022-04-05T14:44:15+00:00

My ex-wife always used to have similar political opinions to me (not that we talked about that stuff much). Then, around the time we were separating, she disagreed with all my political opinions (especially the ones she used to agree with). Now, five years after separating, she has her own opinions, but never criticises mine.

So I guess it is like anything in a relationship: it can be used to bring you together or push you apart. Or you can just be indifferent about things that don't matter.

One woman I am sleeping with at the moment is a feminist. I am not. She finds my non-feminist opinions cute and amusing. I think she is just tolerating them because she wants to get laid.

Just give it time...

Electrical_Coat_8714 · 2022-04-05T15:13:19+00:00

She has to be fully rational left or apolitical. I'm not gonna argue about fox news talking points, that's for sure

Sufficient-Parsnip92 · 2022-04-05T18:18:56+00:00

Nah dealbreaker for me if they are right wing or religious its an automatic no.

Davegvg · 2022-04-05T01:38:21+00:00

IF you respect the person and they can articulate their position it can be great.

I'm fiscally conservative - but socially liberal.

Wife is liberal on every level.

We get along superbly and have lively discussion.

LizvEross · 2022-04-05T01:57:30+00:00

If y’all have kids, which side will the kids be raised on? It’s the same as people who are non-believers and people who are Christians. An atheist does not want Christian beliefs shoved down their child’s throat.

HentaiQueen0w0 · 2022-04-05T01:58:22+00:00

Neither my boyfriend nor I subscribe to any particular political side. We’re pro-choice, LGBTQ+ positive, not very religious—I’m catholic but I’m more so the “Ill get married in the church for my family but don’t subscribe to the teachings” type, and we were both really into the debates about the vaccines for COVID—both STEM majors and both for the vaccine.

We’ve had debates before on topics where we somehow meet halfway or just agree to disagree. Can’t remember what topics.

We work. I don’t have to convince him of my ideals or morals and he doesn’t have to convince me of his.

If he were pro-gun, prolife, and all kinds of -phobic I wouldn’t be able to stand a conversation with him.

Again, most of our debates have always been topics that we just start vigorously researching on and calling out the other person in light banter and then it ends in laughter or him cracking a joke that breaks my “debate face”.

We debate on topics that don’t hurt our beliefs and we’re compatible. That’s what matters most.

Comments