What's one of the most profound things you've learned about dating?

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-21T20:18:48+00:00

It's never worth it to try to "win someone over"

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-08-21T19:49:45+00:00

You can talk and act the same way in front of some people and they can be completely turned on by you or completely turned off. And that’s ok. Cause mostly it’s a whole lot of in between.

MidoriEgg · 2023-08-21T21:11:42+00:00

That the people you end up really loving don’t always do well on date 1

toasterchild · 2023-08-21T20:44:16+00:00

The length of a relationship does not equal the success of a relationship. Two semi-miserable people can stay together for a very long time, I don't see that as a win.

Neptune-Jr · 2023-08-21T22:00:13+00:00

It's like 92% luck. so most advice wont be applicable or useful really. you just have to wing it and hope for the best.

Odd_Green_3775 · 2023-08-22T00:38:04+00:00

Most profound thing I’ve learned is that if you have enough money and status, every woman is single.

princedune · 2023-08-22T01:00:36+00:00

If you don't have the looks, you'll never get the chance to show her your other traits.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2023-08-21T22:24:33+00:00

Life is a constant competition.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-08-21T20:31:19+00:00

You can't fix stupid and you can't reason with crazy.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-08-21T20:44:16+00:00

Dating and attraction is amoral. What should be =/= what is.

If you choose to self-enforce rules and principles, then you're going to make it harder on yourself. And you should, if that makes you happier long-term. But understand that it will suck a lot more short-term. Unless you're in a position to have it all, you can't. And most of us aren't. How you decide to move forward will determine how others react to your plight.

social_mules_alt · 2023-08-21T22:23:08+00:00

The absolute power of preselection.

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-08-21T20:01:53+00:00

That people put so much stock into dating that they never learn how to build a relationship with someone, just how to try different people iut

GrassToucher29 · 2023-08-21T20:00:13+00:00

The happier you are alone, the easier it is to find a healthy relationship

headchefboyardee · 2023-08-21T20:15:56+00:00

The most profound thing I’ve learned in the dating context is that might makes right. Having options gives everyone immediate justification for the foul behavior we argue about on here.

FaceRaterDemon · 2023-08-21T22:53:25+00:00

Hurt people, hurt people

abaxeron · 2023-08-22T01:39:18+00:00

"Assume she doesn't love you" would have saved me several years of free time and several weeks of severe heartache.

j3wbacca996 · 2023-08-21T21:22:12+00:00

The most profound thing I learned about dating is that dating today is nothing at all like how dating was at any other point in human history. Once I really internalized that, I had much better success and wouldn’t get hurt by negative outcomes in my dating life.

I think this is also why so many guys are lost when it comes to dating and feel like they’re “lied to”. Their dads are probably giving them solid advice that would’ve been great in the 1970’s or 1980’s but that advice doesn’t work now. Which is kind of mind blowing tbh, the idea that things have changed so much over the course of 1 generation in the dating world that a father can’t even give his son meaningful advice.

solitudeisnirvana · 2023-08-21T22:02:45+00:00

Came here looking for “it’s almost always not worth it” - learnt a lot more instead.

Reddit never stops showing how to be more 👍

gabejohn · 2023-08-21T21:27:33+00:00

There are ZERO ways to force attraction. I've watched so many unscripted serious dating shows where a couple is followed and there is nothing you can do to change it. The advice of "be yourself" is unironically good. You can't "game" a girl, it either happens for her or not.

Getting a ONS is not included for this.

Mentathiel · 2023-08-21T22:00:44+00:00

Assertive communication is really important, but it doesn't begin with good communication, it begins with being able to notice and understand your own mental state honestly.

Pure_Artist_2726 · 2023-08-21T22:17:32+00:00

Just how utterly random and arbitrary it can be. There are 1000s of people compatible with the average person, and yet random circumstances such as place of birth or college they decided to go to vastly narrows down their options

hockey_psychedelic · 2023-08-21T20:07:49+00:00

A woman’s enthusiasm for you can dramatically shift up or down based on how her friends perceive you. Winning over her friends goes a long way.

lolthankstinder · 2023-08-21T21:30:22+00:00

"Single for a reason" people are much more common in the single population.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2023-08-21T22:14:50+00:00

“Be yourself” almost never works. But “Be the best possible version of yourself” almost always does.

Robrogineer · 2023-08-21T22:18:03+00:00

That it's a losing battle as a man and you're better off not bothering actively looking and rather look for potential partners among your hobby groups.

DevThaGodfatha · 2023-08-22T01:58:04+00:00

Women aren’t meant to be understood , but adapted to. You’ll literally drive yourself into a straight jacket trying to logically figure out why women do , say , or act a certain way across a variety of gender based interactive spectrums. Even women who’ve dated other women can and often will tell you that women can be more difficult to deal with than they let on. Not to talk about them like they aren’t here or like they’re some kinda foreign species but , I’m calling it like I see it.

Instead of complaining about :

why a woman won’t give you the time of day when another guy whose of lower quality character / intelligence / looks gets to interact with her at his leisure
- why they complain about “deadbeat baby daddies” who dont wanna see their kid and be a happy family as if women don’t carry the baby in their stomach for 9 months with the chance to abort at any time to save child bearing for a man who WANTS to be a father and a united family
- why they still feel like the fact they have a vagina and look pretty does all the talking for them and inflate their ego

Instead of complaining about why those scenarios happen :

focus on bettering you’re looks / mind / body / money so you’ll be able to date higher quality women than even her
wrap up and use birth control , best option would be to get a vasectomy and don’t tell her , so if she’s pregnant , you know she’s been going around
either don’t tolerate women giving you bare minimum, making them up their game to be able to secure a higher quality man such as yourself or play the field with them unless they show valued traits in an ideal long term partner

Africandictatorson · 2023-08-21T22:12:00+00:00

That the lenght of a relationship doesn't equal the impact it can have on you .

Ive had a 2 months relationship that affected me way more than 1 year long one .

That sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong moment in their/your lifr and there is nothing you can do about it .

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-08-21T19:47:34+00:00

That dating with intention and dating with expectation are two completely different things and that expectations can absolutely ruin a chance of connecting with another human.

Oh also I had this discussion with one of my brothers the other day that maybe someone in here might need to read. Women are not placed on this earth to validate us men. Our self esteem is not their job, hobby, passion, or pass time. They are people just trying to get through the day just like the rest of us. So don't go around placing your self worth in the hands of complete strangers. That's some internal shit you need to conquer on your own.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-21T21:22:17+00:00

Your heart will go on. And does, and can.

Dynamix86 · 2023-08-22T08:30:11+00:00

Indifference is the biggest superpower one can obtain when dating. When (especially) your body language and in particular your eye contact signals to the girl that you’re not impressed by her and willing to walk away at any time, it can and will get even model looking girls to chase you. It’s an absolute game changer when you realize that most women ain’t much (though it can also make you jaded against them).

I’ve reached this after watching hundreds of hours of red pill videos and being severely disappointed by most women I’ve dated and especially due to how promiscuous most women today are.

TotalTravesty · 2023-08-21T20:42:51+00:00

Everyone has a type and there’s riches in niches.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-08-21T20:34:06+00:00

My advice is coming from over the last 14 years of dating.

If your a Man and if you really want to succeed with women you have to kill the desire for them thats in your biological wiring. You have to get to this point mentally that "You Dont Give A Flying Fuck" if she leaves you, cheats on you, and if positively she loves you. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a Man that can't be swayed by his emotions.

Also; Don't tolerate a girl withholding sex if extends for long periods of time. If she really values you she will give it up to you.

Eauxddeaux · 2023-08-21T22:29:23+00:00

Things change. People change. The best thing you can do is start something as honest as possible, but things will change regardless. Don’t cling to an idea of what things are supposed to be, try to roll together and do your best to avoid codependency. Read the Missing Piece Meets The Big O by Shel Silverstein. That should be required reading for an education in human relationships.

begayallday · 2023-08-22T01:37:35+00:00

That if your partner is asking something of you, like for more affection, or whatever, that you should consider the possibility that their request is entirely reasonable and may be worth taking note of. I mean, you shouldn’t do anything that compromises your values, or put up with requests that really aren’t reasonable. But if all they want is more hugs from you, or something like that, that’s not a hill worth dying on.

tylerwkess · 2023-08-22T01:45:27+00:00

That it may just not be for me, or that person for me doesn't seem to exist and I need to be ok with potentially living out my life alone.

Round_Homework2903 · 2023-08-22T01:56:51+00:00

That 99 percent of women chase after the top ten percent of men and the bottom ten don't deserve them

luroot · 2023-08-22T03:08:50+00:00

Her words mean nothing, only her actions speak the truth.

Swofffffff · 2023-08-22T05:03:55+00:00

That women even grown women are very fleeting about interest and even the most mature woman will 90% of the time be spiteful if you reject them when they chase you

I’ve experienced multiple times in my life a woman being forward with me and giving a sincere and undeniable interest only for them to be quite hurtful if I initially declined due to shyness or lack of self belief. Straight up “ yeah I don’t remember liking you” or “what are you talking about that never happened”.

Whereas I’ve reconsidered women who changed their mind on my after knowing me.

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-08-22T05:59:24+00:00

Women cheat a lot. It's easy for them because they always have men interested in them.

Salty-Chef-4814 · 2023-08-22T09:45:52+00:00

Behind every beautiful woman there is a man who is tired of her bulshit.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-08-22T10:15:25+00:00

The most profound thing I've learned is the less you need women, the more they want you.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-08-22T11:04:13+00:00

The juice isn't worth the squeeze

throwaway164_3 · 2023-08-21T20:48:50+00:00

The most profound fact I’ve learned is:

Alpha fucks, beta bucks. It’s the way of life.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-08-21T20:56:27+00:00

Women really don't love you, they're with you because they have no other options left or they love an idealized version of you that you won't ever live up.

FillThisEmptyCup · 2023-08-21T20:57:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

gntlbastard · 2023-08-21T23:23:56+00:00

Women are not the prize.

Whiskeyjack1982 · 2023-08-21T21:21:09+00:00

The females dual mating strategy.

How she will intentionally get knocked up by broke Chad who just went back to prison and then marry a beta male to provide for her and her child.

How a beta male will wine and dine her all night and she will turn him down for sex and then have Chad come over at 2 am to blow her back out.

How they make betas jump through hoops to qualify for sex but They will bang Chad instantly.

Once I figured this out it changed my whole reality. Its the females best kept secret.

I realized that all I had to do was select woman who found me hot and they would bang me for nothing. The ones that I had to qualify for were a waste of time.

According_Talk_3084 · 2023-08-21T22:04:40+00:00

We pick our partners in regards to four aspects.

Wealth
Social standing
Beauty
Faith/Believe(/political orientation if you want so)

Though, these four points are spread out on a continous scale for each person individually. There are people who prioritize wealth, there are people who prioritize beauty, there are people who prioritize social standing and there are people who prioritize faith.

Even if someone fulfills the wealth aspect on someone who prioritizes wealth, that someone might still need to fullfill whatever the other person has put on the second place. And also third and fourth place.

Therefore, unlike whatever I said in the past, I reached the conclusion that every person has an individual scale on what they expect and request.

Also (some) men, whether or not they are in a relationship, wheter or not they are virgin, can control their sexual urges, they can say no even if the other person is extremely attractive to them. This is the moment I recognized that there is something bigger than dating, marrying and having sex. This doesn't mean that marrying, being with the person you love is not awesome. It just means, especially for us men, that we can very much control ourselves and have the potential to for example just stop consuming porn or engaging in casual sex.

Financial_Chemist286 · 2023-08-22T00:07:30+00:00

With dating there is an expectation of creating a relationship which most people are not ready to be in and overestimate what they think they bring to the table.

NangKwak51 · 2023-08-22T00:53:44+00:00

Never work on a relationship, never "try". As Yoda said, "Don't try, do".

If you're sweating it, RUN!!!

VTHokie2020 · 2023-08-22T01:35:38+00:00

Shared interests, language, culture etc. are nice things to have.

But they come in second place to shared values, goals, and ambitions.

AMDisappointment · 2023-08-22T04:41:20+00:00

Play the game or get played.

Sugaree4777 · 2023-08-22T05:48:23+00:00

There's no accounting for taste. Everyone has their weird preferences and specific things they find attractive and unattractive just like you do, so you really shouldn't feel bad about it if someone you like goes for someone you think is worse than you. Just laugh about the absurdity of life and move on

Spaciousone · 2023-08-22T07:05:40+00:00

Never say you have a mental disorder

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2023-08-22T07:32:56+00:00

Its always women who are vocal about this, but they are right the "smell" of a person is very important.

I went on dates with wonen, that were perfectly fine, but I remember how their" smell" was extremely off putting, It gave me the feeling that I want to keep my distance and that I was hapoy when it ended.

Ynsscooby1 · 2023-08-22T13:12:05+00:00

Everybody sucks

resultsmatter1 · 2023-08-23T00:44:08+00:00

That women are mainly liars and whores. There I said it and engaging with them is generally a large waste of time.

benzbugatti · 2023-08-21T20:25:28+00:00

Being yourself never works. No matter what anyone will ever say. It doesn't work. Change yourself to what women want or fake it till you make it.

Atyzze · 2023-08-21T20:15:48+00:00

Ah, the dance of connection, the play of unity and separation in the realm of dating. Your insights hold a reflection of life's ebb and flow, dear friend. The journey of two beings exploring the harmony of the universe is much like a flowing river. It cannot be forced, nor should it be stagnant. Each movement is an invitation to the next, a dance of intention, respect, and awareness.

One profound realization that arises is the understanding that in each connection, you're not just relating to the other person, but also to the entirety of existence. When you see the other as a mirror of yourself, the dance becomes one of profound love and recognition. It is not about control, possession, or fear, but a celebration of the present moment, embracing the dance as it unfolds.

The world can teach us through expectations, games, and strategies, but the wisdom of the heart speaks of authenticity, vulnerability, and presence. The profound truth may be to let go of trying to manipulate or manage, and instead embrace the spontaneous arising of connection, trusting the universe's wisdom. The dance then becomes not just a pursuit but a spiritual practice, where two souls meet and transcend the ordinary. Namaste. 🙏

Uglypostwall · 2023-08-22T00:58:58+00:00

-Women in their 20s are the only valuable women in the world.
It can be challenging to maintain a sense of femininity as you grow older. I once tried to imitate a youthful and vibrant personality, and it became cringey. A guy lightly made fun of it.

-Man actually don't need romantic love.I realize it doesn't even benefits men

- If you slept with guy early ,relationship will end no matter what(of course there is exception).

Amazing-Key-1575 · 2023-08-22T08:41:07+00:00

Women aren’t capable of love in the same way men are.

DerayRevan · 2023-08-21T20:16:28+00:00

You can never make a woman happy

That's why she just wants you to listen to her

shadowofdoubt13 · 2023-08-21T20:59:24+00:00

I don’t date because I want to have sex. I date because sex gives me validation as a man. And the validation as a man opens doors for me and gives me opportunities because guys think I can get a bunch of girls. If sex offered me no validation, I would do it, but not nearly as much. I wouldn’t even think about it. I only care about validation.

CountMandrake · 2023-08-22T05:16:14+00:00

Love is slowly fading from the face of the Earth and the hearts of people...

But my dick still works without it haha.

Safinated · 2023-08-21T23:02:26+00:00

Nothing about dating is surprising or profound, unless you know nothing about humans and have no imagination

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sine120 · 2023-08-21T20:32:39+00:00

The whole reason I got curious about RP stuff is the nature of how I got together with my now wife. I never had heard of nor understood preselection outside of the "it takes a job to get a job" meme. I would have originally figured it would be the opposite, the more suitors a person has the less likely you're going to be chosen, so move on and find someone else.

wtknight · 2023-08-21T20:43:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-08-22T03:48:41+00:00

Not true op don’t take it that seriously lol

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-22T03:58:36+00:00

The love you make is equal to the love you take

SSKeima · 2023-08-23T15:14:47+00:00

Dating successfully does not mean conquering someone or trying to fit a certain mold to be more attractive to more people, or even just throwing yourself into the numbers game.

It's about leaning into your strengths and finding the right place where they're appreciated.

It's why people so often find the right match at university or through friends - because they get to show their true selves to people who share their interests.

One-Store2972 · 2023-08-23T21:11:09+00:00

Learn to happy and successful while single instead of trying to find happiness and success in finding a spouse, the former is far more worth it

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-08-23T23:34:17+00:00

If you are a man who expresses his sexuality freely (and you should) - some women, some of the time, are going to find you creepy. It’s simply unavoidable. No matter how cool, rich, good-looking and charming you are, at some point, somewhere, a woman is going to be creeped out by you

TheGoldenChampion · 2023-08-24T04:40:11+00:00

Women don’t like me

ArmDiscombobulated29 · 2023-08-24T06:53:56+00:00

If he ain’t getting cooter he might be a shooter. My friends who fuck I never worry about them shooting anything up. My friends who don’t fuck I am a lot less sure of

TaemonDocks · 2023-09-03T19:17:37+00:00

Surprisingly, women REALLY do have it easier on almost all fronts.

Title	What's one of the most profound things you've learned about dating?
Author	AudaciousPanther
Upvotes	83
Comments	229
Date	August 21, 2023 7:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15xht02/whats_one_of_the_most_profound_things_youve/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-one-of-the-most-profound-things-youve.1229157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229157

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